klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
The big story coming out of last week: product placement and lame action. The shows really aren't lighting the world on fire right now, but a lot of that has to do with a lack of the Authority and Brock, because without the two of them, them show comes off as a glorified Smackdown. Get to the point already or get rid of the Authority as the main focus of the show because otherwise, a show without them on it isn't going to go anywhere. Let's get to it.
The opening recap covers last week's product placement and Rollins reuniting the team.
We open with Heyman and Lesnar coming out to the exact reaction you would expect for them in a smark paradise like Chicago. Heyman talks about how the Authority thinks Brock is still in Tokyo, because they allowed him to show up tonight. Lesnar is a god and hallowed be his name, but he isn't a god of love or charity or kindness. No, Lesnar is a god of violent retribution and the sword that will pierce Seth Rollins' shield.
Heyman brings up the Streak but points out that it wasn't because of any malice towards Undertaker. Heyman: “This one you'll cheer.” When Brock took John Cena to Suplex City, it was just because Lesnar wanted the title and not out of disrespect. The same was true for Reigns at Wrestlemania, but it's not the case for Seth Rollins.
No, Rollins has broken the 11th commandment by cashing in Money in the Bank, running away from a rematch and having his Authority buddies attack him two weeks ago. Heyman's job is to sell us on Battleground in St. Louis, but the beatings and the suplexes begin tonight in Chicago. The Beast of Battleground is waiting for the champ tonight, so Rollins better be ready.
Kane is in Hawaii and we have badly photoshopped and unfunny photos to prove it.
The Stooges have taken a road trip and we're going to get pictures later. That.....could work?
Big Show vs. Ryback
Non-title and Miz is at ringside in director's chair with a microphone. In an inset interview, Ryback says he is one of the few who can manhandle Big Show and Big Show doesn't like that. Well not many people would but Ryback never was very insightful. Miz starts shouting into the mic but only tells the big guys to hit each other.
The fans really don't seem pleased with this one and Show chops Ryback in the corner. Miz: “ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!” Ryback kicks him in the face a few times but Show knees Ryback into the corner. This is a very slow and lumbering match so far which isn't a great choice for the opening match. Miz distracts Ryback so Show can slam him down as we take a break.
Back with Show holding a leg lock and Miz telling Show that he should never retire (WOO!). Ryback powers out and takes out the knee as well before dropping Show with three straight shoulders. The Meat Hook and a splash get two but the top rope version misses. Show hits a chokeslam and middle rope elbow, drawing in Miz for the double DQ (he was smart enough to hit them both at once) at 9:24.
Miz attacks both guys and then begs both guys to wait for Battleground. Ignore the large gap behind him where he could run at any time of course. Miz takes a Shell Shock and chokeslam and another Meat Hook drops Show again. At least the champ stood tall.
More Kane hysterics.
The Stooges went to Wrigley Field and weren't impressed. They could at least take the price sticker off the window. That car better bite the dust before the end of the night.
Brie Bella vs. Paige
Paige gets backdropped to the apron to start and the announcers are already on the amount of days Nikki has held the title. So we're just stuck with nothing interesting until we get to AJ because Nikki is interesting or something. Nikki: “BRIE MODE!” You can hear the crowd dying for this one, which could be because this story hasn't changed in weeks now. Fox gets in a cheap shot but Brie knees down her sister/friend at the same time by mistake. Paige sidesteps the middle rope dropkick ala Samoa Joe but the other girls get involved, setting up the Bella Buster for the pin at 3:12.
Paige gets beaten up post match.
Recap of Wyatt vs. Reigns from last week.
Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns
Get your countouts ready now. Reigns shoves the briefcase out of Sheamus' hands before we start and the brawl is on with a devastating headlock. Sheamus knees him in the ribs to take over but Reigns pulls him off the middle rope and knocks Sheamus outside. They're still firmly in first power gear at this point.
Sheamus actually wins a slugout on the apron and sends Reigns face first into the post as we go to a break. That looked (and sounded) good at least. Back with Sheamus holding a chinlock and a nice loud CM PUNK chant keeping the crowd from being bored. Reigns' best way around this is a bunch of clotheslines, followed by a BIG clothesline in the corner. Feel the intensity!
The Irish Curse is countered and a Samoan drop connects. The Superman Punch is countered into another Irish Curse for two but Reigns Superman Punches him out of the air....and here's Bray. Roman charges up the ramp and Superman Punches....somebody, as Bray pops up on the screen and says anyone but you. Sheamus wins by countout at 11:20.
Post match Randy Orton comes out for an RKO. I had been wondering where he was.
The WWE Network is in Italy. Uh....yay.
Rollins comes in to see HHH, who wants to know what Seth is going to do about Brock Lesnar. The champ thinks he has Battleground in the bag, but HHH is worried about tonight. Rollins needs to do the unthinkable tonight: have him laid out by the Authority like they did two weeks ago. To be fair, that is pretty unthinkable. Imagine the Stooges and Rollins being a real threat to Brock.
Here are Rusev and Summer Rae to keep this mess going. Rusev loves having a submissive Summer around but gets annoyed at the fans wanting Lana. He rambles on about being better than Dolph Ziggler until Summer tells the fans to give Rusev the respect he deserves. Rusev: “Thank you hot Summer.” Is she a radio chick now?
Cue Ziggler and Lana with the former saying Rusev achieved everything he has in WWE because of Lana. Dolph says Lana is his now and it's time for kisses. The girls tease a fight but Rusev blasts Ziggler with the crutch before taking off the boot. This goes on for nearly five minutes with the only highlight being Summer attacking Lana. Ziggler's comeback didn't work and the beating just kept going.
This was WAY too long and my goodness Ziggler sucks in this role. After all the years of being with whatever girl can get him somewhere he's all gaga over yet another good looking blonde because.....she likes him? Is there any other reason for these two to be together? Rusev needs to murder Ziggler and then do something bad to Lana and then never speak of this whole mess again.
Post break they actually do the big serious talk about Ziggler being attacked. Ziggler even did a stretcher job. This story SUCKS and there is no need to ever talk about it again. Figure out how your characters work and then don't screw with them because going against established characters is one of the worst things you can do in wrestling or any other form of entertainment.
Bo Dallas vs. Dean Ambrose
Before the match, Dallas talks about how that was a bad thing happening to a bad person. Good things happen to people like him though, as long as you BOLIEVE! The dueling WE BOLIEVE/LET'S GO AMBROSE chants start up as Bo gets two off a clothesline before hitting the chinlock. Bo misses a knee drop and gets bulldogged down, setting up Dirty Deeds for the pin at 2:59. This was WWE saying “yeah Ambrose is still a thing after losing Thursday. Oh you didn't know he lost Thursday? Well then never mind.”
The Stooges got stuck in traffic. Seriously.
R-Truth vs. King Barrett
No entrance for either guy as this feud just keeps going. Barrett stomps him down in the corner to start and a clothesline takes them out to the floor. Truth is sent into the post a few times and we hit the chinlock. A big boot gets two for Barrett and we take a break. Oh freaking joy we get to see more of this match. Barrett hammers away but runs into a series of clotheslines (WAY too popular tonight and in general). Winds of Change is countered into a crucifix for two but a low blow drops Truth. Truth goes up and dives into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 9:37.
Back from a break with another look at Ziggler being beaten down. This is treated as way too big of a deal after the mess they've made of this feud.
Here's Rollins with an ax handle and the Stooges with their car and their own ax handles. Oh come on man. No one could possibly be that stupid. Rollins is going to burn Suplex City to the ground before going on about how awesome he is a bit longer. He finally asks if Lesnar is just Heyman's....uh....I think you can figure this out, so here's Brock. All three are ready for him so Brock thinks better of it and tells Heyman to bring him something. Heyman brings over an anvil case containing a pair of axes. Oh this is going to be good.
Brock smashes the ax into the car door and can't even get it out, so he breaks a few windows and tears off a door. The door goes flying into the crowd (apparently hitting a fan, who was ok) and now it's time for the Stooges to come save their car. Noble winds up with a broken arm and Mercury gets suplexed onto the hood, much to the delight of the crowd. Brock chases Rollins out of the ring and holds up the title to wrap things up.
THIS is what Brock should have been doing for the last six months. Just have him break stuff and be a freak of nature. Don't have him get beaten down by Kane and the Stooges like EVERY OTHER FACE EVER. That was the problem with the HHH feud: anyone could have played Lesnar's role. Here, there isn't anyone else that Rollins hasn't already beaten or has any real reason to be afraid of anymore so only Brock really fits.
Lucha Dragons vs. New Day
Woods is the odd man out here and the Players are on commentary, with a shirt for Cole. The Dragons speed things up to start but Kofi comes back with a kick to the ribs (devastating!) before it's off to Big E. Titus goes on about some kind of fungus that Big E. has (maybe he could use a washcloth to clean it up. It didn't make sense when they said it for weeks on end (and yes I know what it is) so why not say it again here?) before the Dragons clean house and dive on all three New Day guys as we take a break.
Back with Kofi getting two on Kalisto before it's off to Big E. for more clubbing forearms. The abdominal stretch with the slaps set up a chinlock from Kofi as we hear about where everyone went to college. The hot tag brings in Cara and Titus takes over on commentary, doing a pretty awesome old school play by play, including a quick rant about how he should have JBL's salary. Everything breaks down and the Midnight Hour ends Cara at 10:16.
Steve Austin is on the cover of WWE2K16.
It's Open Challenge time but first we get a package on Owens losing the NXT Title in Tokyo over the weekend. Cena says have no fear because the champ is here, meaning there will be a title match right here on Raw. Again Owens interrupts and says this is the worst part of the show every week because the people have to listen to Cena saying the same garbage over and over again. The bell is about to ring but here's Cesaro one more time. Cesaro says he deserves another shot because he had Cena ready to tap out but Owens cost him the title shot. Owens walks away from the threat of violence and it's time for a rematch.
US Title: Cesaro vs. John Cena
Cena is defending of course. A quick uppercut puts Cena down on the floor and we take a very early break. Stop doing that nonsense and just have the bell after the break. We got maybe 40 seconds of “action” and then miss three and a half minutes. I hate that way of thinking. Back with Cesaro stomping away as he almost has to play the heel here, even though he's turned face for all intents and purposes.
A one arm delayed vertical suplex with a squat gets two but Cena shrugs it off (because it's a suplex) and drops Cesaro with a front face electric chair drop. The AA is countered into a DDT for two and it's off to the chinlock. That's good for a second commercial in about five minutes of actual match time because they're really trying to fill in time. Back with Cesaro catching Cena's shoulder in a backbreaker and countering the Shuffle with a crossface.
That's countered into an AA attempt but Cena has to settle for the STF instead. A rope is grabbed so Cesaro rolls some gutwrench suplexes for two of his own. That was a cool looking spot, as always. Cena blocks the Swing by doing a big situp into a DDT for two of his own and the fans are starting to buy into this. Cena rolls through a cross body into the AA but Cesaro lands on his feet.
Swiss Death is countered into a hurricanrana for two and both guys are down. The fans officially think this is awesome so they've won over one of the tougher crowd. Cesaro makes it even more awesome with a spinning springboard uppercut for an even closer two. They fall to the floor with Cena backdropping him into the timekeeper's area but the referee takes his time counting. Well to be fair that's not really a main event level finish so you can't go there again.
Cena shoves Cesaro off the top for two off the Fameasser and then tells him to hold the ropes, which Cesaro does to counter another AA. A HUGE Swiss Death connects for two more but a quick AA gets the same. Both guys are spent so Cesaro is able to grab the Swing, setting up the Sharpshooter which he transitions into another crossface, but Cena slips out and puts on the STF.
Cesaro powers out of THAT and lifts Cena up into the air for a snap suplex. That is just scary, scary power. The Springboard Stunner misses so badly that Cesaro just Neutralizes Cena for two instead of going down. Cena's tornado DDT is stopped in midair and Cesaro slaps him down into another crossface, sending Cena into the ropes for a chorus of boos.
The apron superplex (with EASE) gets two but Cena pops back up and floats over into a Batista Bomb (the sign of Cena being desperate) for a sloppy two, as called out by the announcers. Cena takes him to the corner but almost gets caught in a super Neutralizer, only to be countered into a super AA to retain the title at a mind blowing 30:10.
Owens runs in and eats an AA to close the show.
Results
Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double DQ when Miz interfered
Brie Bella b. Paige – Bella Buster
Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
John Cena b. Cesaro – Middle rope Attitude Adjustment
Tuesday
Nothing.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Rich Brennan
We have a new NXT Champion though we're likely only going to hear about it in voiceovers as this is a taped show from a few weeks back. Finn Balor took the NXT Title from Kevin Owens in Tokyo on 4th of July and you know Owens is going to be gunning to get his title back. Other than that though, we have the Vaudevillains vs. Enzo/Cass for the #1 contendership. Let's get to it.
Sasha Banks/??? vs. Dana Brooke/Emma
The new announcer introduces Dana and then throws in that she's accompanied by her partner Emma. Dana laughs at Sasha for not having a partner so the fans chant Blue Pants. Sasha is ready to fight on her own but here's someone to back her up.
Sasha Banks/Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke/Emma
Charlotte says she'll be Sasha's partner but Banks owes her one. Banks kicks Dana around to start but Brooke runs when it's off to Charlotte. That means it's off to Emma, who bails to the floor to avoid a knee drop. The heels finally take over but the fans are busy arguing over whether Dana is rachet or not. Emma bodyscissors Charlotte to slow it down but she fights up for the tag off to Sasha and the champ cleans house. A running knee in the corner and the Bank Statement makes Brooke tap at 4:39.
As you might guess, Charlotte's payment will be a title shot next week, which Sasha is just fine with.
Bayley says she can't wrestle at the moment because of a broken hand. She'll be back for the NXT Title, but Emma is in for more than a hug.
Video on Finn Balor's rise to the top of NXT and becoming #1 contender.
We get a clipped version of Balor vs. Owens for the title in Tokyo, but here's the full match in case you haven't read it yet.
NXT Title: Finn Balor vs. Kevin Owens
We get the Demon entrance and oh yes it's still glorious. For a bonus, the camera changes to an arena shot at the crescendos of the music. To make it feel even more special, we get the full on flower presentation from geisha girls (Owens throws his into the crowd of course) and streamers for both guys. Get this through your head ROH: doing the same thing for every match doesn't make it feel more special. Hideo Itami is shown in the front row and we're ready to start. Balor has more paint than ever with his face, torso and left leg covered.
Balor charges at the bell and loads up the Coup de Grace in the first ten seconds. Owens rolls outside so Balor nails a big dive as the NXT chants start up. He tries to bail again and eats a baseball slide as Balor is all over him. Back in and Owens hammers away to take over for the first time. Owens: “AND THAT'S WHY I'M THE CHAMP!” We hear more of Balor's accomplishments in New Japan as Owens takes some bows.
It's off to Chinlock City before a forearm breaks up Balor's springboard. The slow pace is working for Kevin here and it fits him very well. Finn beats the count back in but takes the backsplash for two. Back in and Owens snapmares him down and runs the ropes....before stopping for a chinlock. Owens: “Are you not impressed? I don't care. I hate this country and all its stupid people!” Balor fights back again with a middle rope forearm for two so Owens does Cena's finishing sequence, complete with an attempted AA.
Balor is afraid of a lawsuit over gimmick infringement (only Kurt Angle can steal that many finishers) and slips out twice in a row. Bloody Sunday is teased (and the fans gasp) but it's a Pele Kick to put Owens down instead. Owens takes a big flip dive and a top rope double stomp to the back, followed by a reverse Bloody Sunday (not called that of course) for a VERY close two. The Coup de Grace misses though and Owens' Cannonball gets two. The package piledriver slam gets the same but Balor hits a quick Sling Blade.
Another Coup de Grace is countered so Balor kicks him in the head and FINALLY connects with the stomp....for two. Dang I thought that was it. Owens can't hit the swinging fisherman's superplex so he settles for a middle rope Regal Roll for two. That looked great. Kevin's Swanton hits knees and the real Bloody Sunday gets an even closer two. They're trading bombs here and it's getting awesome. Owens makes the eternal mistake of slapping a hero in the face and saying the hero can't beat him. Balor dropkicks him into the corner, hits a running corner dropkick and a second Coup de Grace for the title at 19:30.
Tatsumi Fujinami congratulates Balor on his win.
Kevin Owens doesn't have anything to say about the loss.
Chad Gable doesn't know why Jason Jordan doesn't want him as his partner other than he's happy with losing. Jordan finally comes up and asks Gable to be his partner next week. Well it's more saying they'll be partners next week but it's as polite as Jordan gets.
Solomon Crowe says he's back to be the resident monster.
Marcus Louis vs. Solomon Crowe
Louis is back with no music but he's still crazy. A chop puts him down and Crowe puts on a standing Crippler's Crossface with his leg tied into Louis' to crank on the shoulder. That's a new one. Louis crotches him on top for a very aggressive two and puts on a kneeling abdominal stretch. Crowe fights up again and slaps on a Brock Lock, apparently called the Crowebar for the tap out at 3:18.
The Vaudevillains say they'll be the #1 contenders.
Clip of some guys congratulating Balor on winning, including John Cena. Balor says this couldn't have gone any better.
Vaudevillains vs. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady
English is rocking a MANLY beard. Enzo and Gotch get things going with Simon getting a rollup for two. Off to English for a headlock on the mat but he's back out just a few seconds later. Cass shoves both of them to the floor and calls them S-A-W-F-T as we take a break. Back with Cass throwing Enzo into Aiden for two but Enzo charges into a boot in the corner, giving him one of the best eyes wide open stunned faces I've ever seen.
It's Enzo playing the semi-human in peril (I've yet to see actual proof that he's a person) in a chinlock followed by a legdrop before diving over for the tag to Colin. Everything breaks down and Aiden gets kicked in the face. The Rocket Launcher has to be changed into a cross body though and English rolls through for the pin and the title shot at 10:48.
Results
Sasha Banks/Charlotte b. Dana Brooke/Emma – Bank Statement to Brooke
Solomon Crowe b. Marcus Louis – Crowebar
Vaudevillains b. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady – English rolled through a high cross body
Impact Wrestling
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We're officially in the Ethan Carter III era, which means tonight is going to be a big celebration. It's going to be interesting to see where the company goes with Ethan on top, because he was clearly the next logical choice to take the title. Oh and Dixie is back. Yes, about a year after she left, Dixie Carter makes her big return tonight to either congratulate or help deal with her nephew, because the world just wouldn't be complete without the Duchess of Darlin out there to guide us through life. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of the World Title change last week. That really was the only way to go.
Here are Ethan and Tyrus to open things up. Ethan: “DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION YET??? I am the undisputed World Heavyweight Champion and the greatest living wrestler alive.” Dixie has given him free reign tonight, meaning he's booked the entire card. Therefore, he'll be defending his title not EC-once, not EC-twice, but EC3 times. This brings out Matt Hardy, who says he took Angle to the limit before Carter's title shot.
If Ethan is so keen to defend the title tonight, how about Matt Hardy getting a chance? Ethan declines, because Matt may have taken Angle to the limit, but the champ took him over the limit. True actually. Instead, Matt can have a tag match, if he can find someone to replace his idiot brother. Actually Ethan doesn't mean against he and Tyrus though, meaning it's time for the Dirty Heels. You can see the talent departures starting to take effect already.
Matt Hardy vs. Dirty Heels
Carter is in on commentary and gets in an argument about Twitter to start. The numbers game has Matt in early trouble as you would expect with Roode dropping Matt face first in a gordbuster. Aries argues with the referee so Roode can punch Hardy in the face behind the referee's back. That's quite the dirty heel move.
Ethan's mic stops working as Matt hooks what used to be called the Ice Pick on Roode until Aries makes a quick save. That earns Austin an Ice Pick but he blocks the Twist of Fate. Instead it's a suplex over the ropes but Bobby plays Heenan by tripping the leg so Aries can fall on top for the pin at 5:01. Carter: “THEY'RE SO DIRTY!”
Here's the Rising for their big breakup speech. Drew promises to keep standing up for wrestling and Drake says one day he'll show Galloway what it means for Drew getting him in the door. The team leaves Drew alone in the ring and Ethan grabs a mic and starts to cry. It's sad to see Drew like this, but it's even sadder that he has a 3-1 handicap match right now.
Drew Galloway vs. Khoya/Abyss/Manik
Drew is in jeans and the beatdown is on early. A clothesline and neckbreaker give Galloway a breather but a BIG Sky High powerbomb from Khoya plants him back down. Abyss doesn't like Khoya going for the pin though, allowing Drew to catch Manik in a backbreaker. As the other two argue, a big boot to Manik's jaw (well the mask around his jaw) is enough for the big upset pin at 2:18. Well done on mixing up the heel dominance and hopefully this leads to the official end of the Revolution.
Mr. Anderson congratulates Carter on winning the title but thinks he'd be a great option for one of those three title shots. Carter disagrees and gives Anderson a match next.
Mr. Anderson vs. Bram
Bram gets taken to the mat to start and eats a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a Regal Roll. Well the second attempt at one but it's better late than never right? A Swanton gets two but Bram elbows out of the Mic Check. That earns him a clothesline out to the floor, only to have Bram nail Anderson with a chair for the DQ at 2:59. That was kind of pointless.
Bram keeps beating Anderson up after the match and orders the mic to be dropped, which he uses to bash Anderson's head in, drawing some blood in the process.
Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz
Street fight. Robbie starts fast and takes it outside for a running flip dive off the apron. A running trashcan shot “knocks the Adonis complex out of the Adonis” (ok that was a good line) and it's time to head inside. Robbie blasts him between the legs with a kendo stick, which is somehow a way for Josh to transition to plugging another Destination America show.
The cheap plug apparently ticked Jesse off enough that he's able to send Robbie back first into the post, followed by a buckle bomb. It's nice to see some basic body part work to set up a submission hold. That's often considered too basic today but it still works just fine. Robbie comes back with a White Russian legsweep to make Jesse drop his kendo stick before sending him into a trashcan in the corner.
A reverse DDT onto the chair gets two for Robbie but Jesse crotches him on top. Jesse powerbombs him through two chairs in what really should have been the finish (Pope sounds more confused than shocked on the kickout) but instead he has to put Robbie in the Adonis Lock with a chair over Robbie's back for the pass out at 8:30.
Lashley wants a title shot but gets Tyrus instead.
Kurt Angle says Ethan's gauntlet has gotten a lot more interesting.
The Jarretts say they can't believe that they're they're back after everything that happened but TNA is one of the many promotions they're partnering with. The King of the Mountain Title is going to be defended in Global Force Wrestling and other promotions around the world. That's not much, but at least we got SOMETHING this week.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???
First up for Ethan is....Norv Fernum. Pope is of course aghast at these developments. A right hand and the 1%er are enough for the pin in 45 seconds.
Carter sits down in the corner and gets water. “To the body? To the body!”
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???
It's Shark Boy, complete with a quick plug for Shark Week on Discovery Channel. For some reason Pope thinks this one is hilarious. Shark Boy looks about seven months pregnant. Tyrus: “You're going to need a bigger boat.” Shark Boy gets in some offense but the 1%er takes him out in 54 seconds.
Carter is ready for the third match and here's Kurt. Contract, rematch clause, tonight.
Lashley vs. Tyrus
Carter is on commentary again. Lashley runs into Tyrus to start but has a sleeper quickly broken. Instead, Tyrus plants him down with a side slam and drops an elbow for two. It's hard to believe that Tyrus is in his early 40s. The guy made the big time fairly late in his career and it's hard to fathom on occasion. Lashley can't slam him so Tyrus throws him down with a t-bone suplex. That's fine with Lashley who throws Tyrus onto his shoulder for an electric chair (but he couldn't slam him?), followed by a spear to put Tyrus away at 4:46.
The end of the Jarretts' interview talks about how his goals for Global Force line up with TNA's and everybody wins. The real history of TNA is in the list of great names they've had over the years (including Don West oddly enough) and that's Jeff's legacy.
Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky
Before the match, Madison tells Velvet that she belongs in the crowd instead of the ring. The brawl is on because this match needed a story I guess. I'll take it over “they were in the Beautiful People!” again though. They quickly head outside with Madison being sent shoulder first into the post. Madison grabs a northern lights suplex but has to clutch her shoulder after the kickout. Velvet shrugs off some offense and kicks Madison in the face, setting up the Stunner for the pin at 3:36.
Some TNA wrestlers were at a charity camp. That's always cool to see.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III b. Kurt Angle
Carter, defending, immediately runs to the floor and the stalling begins. Back in and a suplex gets two on the champ and Ethan is back on the floor, demanding a faster count. Kurt goes after him this time and it's time to roll some Germans. Tyrus gets knocked off the apron and there's the ankle lock, but Ethan punches the referee. He taps out and Hebner calls for the bell at 3:26. That's the bell for the DQ of course.
Post break and Ethan is still in the ring, saying he got out of that one. Now for the big cherry on top, here's Dixie! And it's to SILENCE. On a taped show no less. Ethan is ready for his congratulations for winning the World Title and defending the Carter name but Dixie cuts him off and says she doesn't recognize the person she was last year. Now it's Ethan who is out of control and OH MY GOODNESS they're really making this all about Dixie again.
Yes, after all that time of her turning the show into a playground, we're supposed to cheer for her because she's seen the light or whatever. Ethan is taking over so Dixie is ready to announce a matchmaker so he'll have to defend the title against quality competition. It's not Dixie (thank goodness) and darlin (you knew that was coming), we'll find out who that is next week.
Results
Dirty Heels b. Matt Hardy – Aries pinned Hardy with Roode holding his leg
Drew Galloway b. Khoya/Abyss/Manik – Big boot to Manik
Mr. Anderson b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a chair
Jesse Godderz b. Robbie E. – Adonis Lock
Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – 1%er
Ethan Carter III b. Shark Boy – 1%er
Lashley b. Tyrus – Spear
Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – Stunner
Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter punched the referee
Thursday
Smackdown
Date: July 9, 2015
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jimmy Uso, Jerry Lawler
We're back after this Monday's classic of Cena vs. Cesaro and Lesnar squashing a Cadillac with....maybe Cesaro and Rollins if we're lucky. My guess is we'll get more of a focus on Reigns vs. Wyatt, which is a far more interesting story than the World Title situation. Hopefully the wrestling will be good. Let's get to it.
The opening recap is a long video on Lesnar vs. Rollins, with Cena vs. Cesaro not warranting air time.
Here's Rollins to open things up by calling Lesnar a coward. Luckily we're treated to a JUSTIN BIEBER chant because that's a full time thing now. Rollins rants about the destroyed Cadillac but here's Paul Heyman with a tow truck hauling out the remnants. Heyman says you can't treat Lesnar like Rollins did and not expect to be taken to Suplex City.
Both say that the car is a metaphor for their opponent (or client's opponent) in a good exchange. Rollins brings up the whole destroying the Shield thing but Heyman promises Lesnar putting his foot on Seth's chest as he holds up his new title. Seth cuts him off again and promises to keep the title. This was basic stuff but it's why they have Heyman with Lesnar though. If Brock can't be around, just throw Heyman out there to do the talking.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bo Dallas
In case Monday's squash didn't do it for you I guess. Before the match, Bo takes credit for the success of Rock's new HBO series Ballers. Ambrose works on a hammerlock to start but Dallas sends him into the post three times in a row. Some choking with the ring skirt (that's something you don't see to often) sets up Bo's belly to belly (his old finisher) for two and we take a break. Back with Dean fighting out of a chinlock and firing away against the ropes. We get a big surprise as Bo runs the ropes for a belly to belly superplex, followed by a Downward Spiral for two. That goes nowhere so Dirty Deeds finishes Bo at 9:07.
Big Show tells Rollins to take care of Lesnar and promises to take out Reigns tonight. Man I thought we were past that mess.
Recap of Rusev putting Ziggler out on Raw.
Fandango vs. Rusev
Rusev has shoes now, which is a very smart mandate for him. Fandango scores with a headscissors to start as Jimmy brings up Rusev wearing boots after Tom and Jerry spent thirty seconds talking about it during Rusev's entrance. This is every Rusev match before he feuded with Cena: a nerve hold, no selling Fandango's comeback, the superkick and the Accolade for the submission at 3:15.
Roman Reigns vs. Big Show
Remember what I said about being fine? Forget all of that here. Show is now in a sleeveless black shirt instead of the singlet top. Reigns gets thrown around to start and Show shoves him out to the floor. The giant gets posted for an eight count and it's time for Reigns' clotheslines, because where would we be without a series of clotheslines? The Superman Punch is loaded up but we've got a fake Wyatt on the stage. The real one gets punched off the apron but pulls Reigns down for the DQ at 4:00.
Bray hits a pair of Sister Abigails.
Titus O'Neil vs. Big E.
E. takes over to start and hammers Titus into the corner to start. That's a very common way to open matches these days. We hit the early abdominal stretch complete with slaps but Titus tosses E. out to the floor. A belly to belly stops Titus' comeback and the partners all try to interfere, earning them a mass ejection. Clash of the Titus ends E. at 2:49.
Austin WWE2K16 video.
Video on the Cadillac being crushed earlier this week. So what wrecked car was brought out earlier???
After a recap of what happened between them on Monday, here's Orton to talk about what happened with Sheamus earlier this week. He keeps it simple by saying he's going to attempt to make Sheamus entertaining by ripping off his mohawk, but here's the Ascension of all people for some reason. There was a time when this might have been interesting but instead it's RKO's all around.
Video on Cesaro vs. Cena from Raw. This deserved any attention it could get.
Naomi/Tamina vs. Brie Bella/Alicia Fox
Brie shoves Naomi into the corner to start before it's off to Tamina, who takes some kicks to the ribs as well. All hail the Bellas right? Tamina makes a comeback so it's off to Alicia and Naomi with the latter still having no luck. Everything breaks down and a Nikki distraction lets Alicia hit the ax kick for the pin on Tamina at 2:55.
Ryback doesn't like how Seth Rollins has been acting as champion, including how he ran away on Monday. Tonight, Ryback will show Rollins how a champion acts because there is no running and hiding.
Ryback vs. Seth Rollins
Non-title and both guys come out alone. Ryback shoves him out to the floor with ease to start and Rollins is already frustrated. Back in and some knees to the chest only earn Rollins a thirty second delayed vertical suplex. Seth kicks him off the apron though and nails a nice suicide dive, only to come back in using Brock's jump to the apron. Man this guy has some guts.
Seth's chinlock is quickly countered into a Backpack Stunner and the low superkick is countered into a powerbomb. It's Rollins' turn to counter though as he escapes Shell Shock and kicks Ryback in the head. Instead of covering though he walks out, but Ryback throws him onto the floor a few times. The threat of a Shell Shock on the floor is enough to make Seth run into the crowd for the countout at 8:11.
Post match here's Big Show to double team Ryback but Reigns makes the save to end the show.
Results
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
Rusev b. Fandango – Accolade
Roman Reigns b. Big Show via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered
Titus O'Neil b. Big E. – Clash of the Titus
Alicia Fox/Brie Bella b. Naomi/Tamina – Ax kick to Tamina
Ryback b. Seth Rollins via countout
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double DQ when Miz interfered
Brie Bella b. Paige – Bella Buster
Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
John Cena b. Cesaro – Middle rope Attitude Adjustment
NXT
Sasha Banks/Charlotte b. Dana Brooke/Emma – Bank Statement to Brooke
Solomon Crowe b. Marcus Louis – Crowebar
Vaudevillains b. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady – English rolled through a high cross body
Impact Wrestling
Dirty Heels b. Matt Hardy – Aries pinned Hardy with Roode holding his leg
Drew Galloway b. Khoya/Abyss/Manik – Big boot to Manik
Mr. Anderson b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a chair
Jesse Godderz b. Robbie E. – Adonis Lock
Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – 1%er
Ethan Carter III b. Shark Boy – 1%er
Lashley b. Tyrus – Spear
Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – Stunner
Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter punched the referee
Smackdown
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
Rusev b. Fandango – Accolade
Roman Reigns b. Big Show via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered
Titus O'Neil b. Big E. – Clash of the Titus
Alicia Fox/Brie Bella b. Naomi/Tamina – Ax kick to Tamina
Ryback b. Seth Rollins via countout
Monday Night Raw
Date: July 6, 2015
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
The big story coming out of last week: product placement and lame action. The shows really aren't lighting the world on fire right now, but a lot of that has to do with a lack of the Authority and Brock, because without the two of them, them show comes off as a glorified Smackdown. Get to the point already or get rid of the Authority as the main focus of the show because otherwise, a show without them on it isn't going to go anywhere. Let's get to it.
The opening recap covers last week's product placement and Rollins reuniting the team.
We open with Heyman and Lesnar coming out to the exact reaction you would expect for them in a smark paradise like Chicago. Heyman talks about how the Authority thinks Brock is still in Tokyo, because they allowed him to show up tonight. Lesnar is a god and hallowed be his name, but he isn't a god of love or charity or kindness. No, Lesnar is a god of violent retribution and the sword that will pierce Seth Rollins' shield.
Heyman brings up the Streak but points out that it wasn't because of any malice towards Undertaker. Heyman: “This one you'll cheer.” When Brock took John Cena to Suplex City, it was just because Lesnar wanted the title and not out of disrespect. The same was true for Reigns at Wrestlemania, but it's not the case for Seth Rollins.
No, Rollins has broken the 11th commandment by cashing in Money in the Bank, running away from a rematch and having his Authority buddies attack him two weeks ago. Heyman's job is to sell us on Battleground in St. Louis, but the beatings and the suplexes begin tonight in Chicago. The Beast of Battleground is waiting for the champ tonight, so Rollins better be ready.
Kane is in Hawaii and we have badly photoshopped and unfunny photos to prove it.
The Stooges have taken a road trip and we're going to get pictures later. That.....could work?
Big Show vs. Ryback
Non-title and Miz is at ringside in director's chair with a microphone. In an inset interview, Ryback says he is one of the few who can manhandle Big Show and Big Show doesn't like that. Well not many people would but Ryback never was very insightful. Miz starts shouting into the mic but only tells the big guys to hit each other.
The fans really don't seem pleased with this one and Show chops Ryback in the corner. Miz: “ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!” Ryback kicks him in the face a few times but Show knees Ryback into the corner. This is a very slow and lumbering match so far which isn't a great choice for the opening match. Miz distracts Ryback so Show can slam him down as we take a break.
Back with Show holding a leg lock and Miz telling Show that he should never retire (WOO!). Ryback powers out and takes out the knee as well before dropping Show with three straight shoulders. The Meat Hook and a splash get two but the top rope version misses. Show hits a chokeslam and middle rope elbow, drawing in Miz for the double DQ (he was smart enough to hit them both at once) at 9:24.
Miz attacks both guys and then begs both guys to wait for Battleground. Ignore the large gap behind him where he could run at any time of course. Miz takes a Shell Shock and chokeslam and another Meat Hook drops Show again. At least the champ stood tall.
More Kane hysterics.
The Stooges went to Wrigley Field and weren't impressed. They could at least take the price sticker off the window. That car better bite the dust before the end of the night.
Brie Bella vs. Paige
Paige gets backdropped to the apron to start and the announcers are already on the amount of days Nikki has held the title. So we're just stuck with nothing interesting until we get to AJ because Nikki is interesting or something. Nikki: “BRIE MODE!” You can hear the crowd dying for this one, which could be because this story hasn't changed in weeks now. Fox gets in a cheap shot but Brie knees down her sister/friend at the same time by mistake. Paige sidesteps the middle rope dropkick ala Samoa Joe but the other girls get involved, setting up the Bella Buster for the pin at 3:12.
Paige gets beaten up post match.
Recap of Wyatt vs. Reigns from last week.
Sheamus vs. Roman Reigns
Get your countouts ready now. Reigns shoves the briefcase out of Sheamus' hands before we start and the brawl is on with a devastating headlock. Sheamus knees him in the ribs to take over but Reigns pulls him off the middle rope and knocks Sheamus outside. They're still firmly in first power gear at this point.
Sheamus actually wins a slugout on the apron and sends Reigns face first into the post as we go to a break. That looked (and sounded) good at least. Back with Sheamus holding a chinlock and a nice loud CM PUNK chant keeping the crowd from being bored. Reigns' best way around this is a bunch of clotheslines, followed by a BIG clothesline in the corner. Feel the intensity!
The Irish Curse is countered and a Samoan drop connects. The Superman Punch is countered into another Irish Curse for two but Reigns Superman Punches him out of the air....and here's Bray. Roman charges up the ramp and Superman Punches....somebody, as Bray pops up on the screen and says anyone but you. Sheamus wins by countout at 11:20.
Post match Randy Orton comes out for an RKO. I had been wondering where he was.
The WWE Network is in Italy. Uh....yay.
Rollins comes in to see HHH, who wants to know what Seth is going to do about Brock Lesnar. The champ thinks he has Battleground in the bag, but HHH is worried about tonight. Rollins needs to do the unthinkable tonight: have him laid out by the Authority like they did two weeks ago. To be fair, that is pretty unthinkable. Imagine the Stooges and Rollins being a real threat to Brock.
Here are Rusev and Summer Rae to keep this mess going. Rusev loves having a submissive Summer around but gets annoyed at the fans wanting Lana. He rambles on about being better than Dolph Ziggler until Summer tells the fans to give Rusev the respect he deserves. Rusev: “Thank you hot Summer.” Is she a radio chick now?
Cue Ziggler and Lana with the former saying Rusev achieved everything he has in WWE because of Lana. Dolph says Lana is his now and it's time for kisses. The girls tease a fight but Rusev blasts Ziggler with the crutch before taking off the boot. This goes on for nearly five minutes with the only highlight being Summer attacking Lana. Ziggler's comeback didn't work and the beating just kept going.
This was WAY too long and my goodness Ziggler sucks in this role. After all the years of being with whatever girl can get him somewhere he's all gaga over yet another good looking blonde because.....she likes him? Is there any other reason for these two to be together? Rusev needs to murder Ziggler and then do something bad to Lana and then never speak of this whole mess again.
Post break they actually do the big serious talk about Ziggler being attacked. Ziggler even did a stretcher job. This story SUCKS and there is no need to ever talk about it again. Figure out how your characters work and then don't screw with them because going against established characters is one of the worst things you can do in wrestling or any other form of entertainment.
Bo Dallas vs. Dean Ambrose
Before the match, Dallas talks about how that was a bad thing happening to a bad person. Good things happen to people like him though, as long as you BOLIEVE! The dueling WE BOLIEVE/LET'S GO AMBROSE chants start up as Bo gets two off a clothesline before hitting the chinlock. Bo misses a knee drop and gets bulldogged down, setting up Dirty Deeds for the pin at 2:59. This was WWE saying “yeah Ambrose is still a thing after losing Thursday. Oh you didn't know he lost Thursday? Well then never mind.”
The Stooges got stuck in traffic. Seriously.
R-Truth vs. King Barrett
No entrance for either guy as this feud just keeps going. Barrett stomps him down in the corner to start and a clothesline takes them out to the floor. Truth is sent into the post a few times and we hit the chinlock. A big boot gets two for Barrett and we take a break. Oh freaking joy we get to see more of this match. Barrett hammers away but runs into a series of clotheslines (WAY too popular tonight and in general). Winds of Change is countered into a crucifix for two but a low blow drops Truth. Truth goes up and dives into the Bull Hammer for the pin at 9:37.
Back from a break with another look at Ziggler being beaten down. This is treated as way too big of a deal after the mess they've made of this feud.
Here's Rollins with an ax handle and the Stooges with their car and their own ax handles. Oh come on man. No one could possibly be that stupid. Rollins is going to burn Suplex City to the ground before going on about how awesome he is a bit longer. He finally asks if Lesnar is just Heyman's....uh....I think you can figure this out, so here's Brock. All three are ready for him so Brock thinks better of it and tells Heyman to bring him something. Heyman brings over an anvil case containing a pair of axes. Oh this is going to be good.
Brock smashes the ax into the car door and can't even get it out, so he breaks a few windows and tears off a door. The door goes flying into the crowd (apparently hitting a fan, who was ok) and now it's time for the Stooges to come save their car. Noble winds up with a broken arm and Mercury gets suplexed onto the hood, much to the delight of the crowd. Brock chases Rollins out of the ring and holds up the title to wrap things up.
THIS is what Brock should have been doing for the last six months. Just have him break stuff and be a freak of nature. Don't have him get beaten down by Kane and the Stooges like EVERY OTHER FACE EVER. That was the problem with the HHH feud: anyone could have played Lesnar's role. Here, there isn't anyone else that Rollins hasn't already beaten or has any real reason to be afraid of anymore so only Brock really fits.
Lucha Dragons vs. New Day
Woods is the odd man out here and the Players are on commentary, with a shirt for Cole. The Dragons speed things up to start but Kofi comes back with a kick to the ribs (devastating!) before it's off to Big E. Titus goes on about some kind of fungus that Big E. has (maybe he could use a washcloth to clean it up. It didn't make sense when they said it for weeks on end (and yes I know what it is) so why not say it again here?) before the Dragons clean house and dive on all three New Day guys as we take a break.
Back with Kofi getting two on Kalisto before it's off to Big E. for more clubbing forearms. The abdominal stretch with the slaps set up a chinlock from Kofi as we hear about where everyone went to college. The hot tag brings in Cara and Titus takes over on commentary, doing a pretty awesome old school play by play, including a quick rant about how he should have JBL's salary. Everything breaks down and the Midnight Hour ends Cara at 10:16.
Steve Austin is on the cover of WWE2K16.
It's Open Challenge time but first we get a package on Owens losing the NXT Title in Tokyo over the weekend. Cena says have no fear because the champ is here, meaning there will be a title match right here on Raw. Again Owens interrupts and says this is the worst part of the show every week because the people have to listen to Cena saying the same garbage over and over again. The bell is about to ring but here's Cesaro one more time. Cesaro says he deserves another shot because he had Cena ready to tap out but Owens cost him the title shot. Owens walks away from the threat of violence and it's time for a rematch.
US Title: Cesaro vs. John Cena
Cena is defending of course. A quick uppercut puts Cena down on the floor and we take a very early break. Stop doing that nonsense and just have the bell after the break. We got maybe 40 seconds of “action” and then miss three and a half minutes. I hate that way of thinking. Back with Cesaro stomping away as he almost has to play the heel here, even though he's turned face for all intents and purposes.
A one arm delayed vertical suplex with a squat gets two but Cena shrugs it off (because it's a suplex) and drops Cesaro with a front face electric chair drop. The AA is countered into a DDT for two and it's off to the chinlock. That's good for a second commercial in about five minutes of actual match time because they're really trying to fill in time. Back with Cesaro catching Cena's shoulder in a backbreaker and countering the Shuffle with a crossface.
That's countered into an AA attempt but Cena has to settle for the STF instead. A rope is grabbed so Cesaro rolls some gutwrench suplexes for two of his own. That was a cool looking spot, as always. Cena blocks the Swing by doing a big situp into a DDT for two of his own and the fans are starting to buy into this. Cena rolls through a cross body into the AA but Cesaro lands on his feet.
Swiss Death is countered into a hurricanrana for two and both guys are down. The fans officially think this is awesome so they've won over one of the tougher crowd. Cesaro makes it even more awesome with a spinning springboard uppercut for an even closer two. They fall to the floor with Cena backdropping him into the timekeeper's area but the referee takes his time counting. Well to be fair that's not really a main event level finish so you can't go there again.
Cena shoves Cesaro off the top for two off the Fameasser and then tells him to hold the ropes, which Cesaro does to counter another AA. A HUGE Swiss Death connects for two more but a quick AA gets the same. Both guys are spent so Cesaro is able to grab the Swing, setting up the Sharpshooter which he transitions into another crossface, but Cena slips out and puts on the STF.
Cesaro powers out of THAT and lifts Cena up into the air for a snap suplex. That is just scary, scary power. The Springboard Stunner misses so badly that Cesaro just Neutralizes Cena for two instead of going down. Cena's tornado DDT is stopped in midair and Cesaro slaps him down into another crossface, sending Cena into the ropes for a chorus of boos.
The apron superplex (with EASE) gets two but Cena pops back up and floats over into a Batista Bomb (the sign of Cena being desperate) for a sloppy two, as called out by the announcers. Cena takes him to the corner but almost gets caught in a super Neutralizer, only to be countered into a super AA to retain the title at a mind blowing 30:10.
Owens runs in and eats an AA to close the show.
Results
Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double DQ when Miz interfered
Brie Bella b. Paige – Bella Buster
Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
John Cena b. Cesaro – Middle rope Attitude Adjustment
Tuesday
Nothing.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Rich Brennan
We have a new NXT Champion though we're likely only going to hear about it in voiceovers as this is a taped show from a few weeks back. Finn Balor took the NXT Title from Kevin Owens in Tokyo on 4th of July and you know Owens is going to be gunning to get his title back. Other than that though, we have the Vaudevillains vs. Enzo/Cass for the #1 contendership. Let's get to it.
Sasha Banks/??? vs. Dana Brooke/Emma
The new announcer introduces Dana and then throws in that she's accompanied by her partner Emma. Dana laughs at Sasha for not having a partner so the fans chant Blue Pants. Sasha is ready to fight on her own but here's someone to back her up.
Sasha Banks/Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke/Emma
Charlotte says she'll be Sasha's partner but Banks owes her one. Banks kicks Dana around to start but Brooke runs when it's off to Charlotte. That means it's off to Emma, who bails to the floor to avoid a knee drop. The heels finally take over but the fans are busy arguing over whether Dana is rachet or not. Emma bodyscissors Charlotte to slow it down but she fights up for the tag off to Sasha and the champ cleans house. A running knee in the corner and the Bank Statement makes Brooke tap at 4:39.
As you might guess, Charlotte's payment will be a title shot next week, which Sasha is just fine with.
Bayley says she can't wrestle at the moment because of a broken hand. She'll be back for the NXT Title, but Emma is in for more than a hug.
Video on Finn Balor's rise to the top of NXT and becoming #1 contender.
We get a clipped version of Balor vs. Owens for the title in Tokyo, but here's the full match in case you haven't read it yet.
NXT Title: Finn Balor vs. Kevin Owens
We get the Demon entrance and oh yes it's still glorious. For a bonus, the camera changes to an arena shot at the crescendos of the music. To make it feel even more special, we get the full on flower presentation from geisha girls (Owens throws his into the crowd of course) and streamers for both guys. Get this through your head ROH: doing the same thing for every match doesn't make it feel more special. Hideo Itami is shown in the front row and we're ready to start. Balor has more paint than ever with his face, torso and left leg covered.
Balor charges at the bell and loads up the Coup de Grace in the first ten seconds. Owens rolls outside so Balor nails a big dive as the NXT chants start up. He tries to bail again and eats a baseball slide as Balor is all over him. Back in and Owens hammers away to take over for the first time. Owens: “AND THAT'S WHY I'M THE CHAMP!” We hear more of Balor's accomplishments in New Japan as Owens takes some bows.
It's off to Chinlock City before a forearm breaks up Balor's springboard. The slow pace is working for Kevin here and it fits him very well. Finn beats the count back in but takes the backsplash for two. Back in and Owens snapmares him down and runs the ropes....before stopping for a chinlock. Owens: “Are you not impressed? I don't care. I hate this country and all its stupid people!” Balor fights back again with a middle rope forearm for two so Owens does Cena's finishing sequence, complete with an attempted AA.
Balor is afraid of a lawsuit over gimmick infringement (only Kurt Angle can steal that many finishers) and slips out twice in a row. Bloody Sunday is teased (and the fans gasp) but it's a Pele Kick to put Owens down instead. Owens takes a big flip dive and a top rope double stomp to the back, followed by a reverse Bloody Sunday (not called that of course) for a VERY close two. The Coup de Grace misses though and Owens' Cannonball gets two. The package piledriver slam gets the same but Balor hits a quick Sling Blade.
Another Coup de Grace is countered so Balor kicks him in the head and FINALLY connects with the stomp....for two. Dang I thought that was it. Owens can't hit the swinging fisherman's superplex so he settles for a middle rope Regal Roll for two. That looked great. Kevin's Swanton hits knees and the real Bloody Sunday gets an even closer two. They're trading bombs here and it's getting awesome. Owens makes the eternal mistake of slapping a hero in the face and saying the hero can't beat him. Balor dropkicks him into the corner, hits a running corner dropkick and a second Coup de Grace for the title at 19:30.
Tatsumi Fujinami congratulates Balor on his win.
Kevin Owens doesn't have anything to say about the loss.
Chad Gable doesn't know why Jason Jordan doesn't want him as his partner other than he's happy with losing. Jordan finally comes up and asks Gable to be his partner next week. Well it's more saying they'll be partners next week but it's as polite as Jordan gets.
Solomon Crowe says he's back to be the resident monster.
Marcus Louis vs. Solomon Crowe
Louis is back with no music but he's still crazy. A chop puts him down and Crowe puts on a standing Crippler's Crossface with his leg tied into Louis' to crank on the shoulder. That's a new one. Louis crotches him on top for a very aggressive two and puts on a kneeling abdominal stretch. Crowe fights up again and slaps on a Brock Lock, apparently called the Crowebar for the tap out at 3:18.
The Vaudevillains say they'll be the #1 contenders.
Clip of some guys congratulating Balor on winning, including John Cena. Balor says this couldn't have gone any better.
Vaudevillains vs. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady
English is rocking a MANLY beard. Enzo and Gotch get things going with Simon getting a rollup for two. Off to English for a headlock on the mat but he's back out just a few seconds later. Cass shoves both of them to the floor and calls them S-A-W-F-T as we take a break. Back with Cass throwing Enzo into Aiden for two but Enzo charges into a boot in the corner, giving him one of the best eyes wide open stunned faces I've ever seen.
It's Enzo playing the semi-human in peril (I've yet to see actual proof that he's a person) in a chinlock followed by a legdrop before diving over for the tag to Colin. Everything breaks down and Aiden gets kicked in the face. The Rocket Launcher has to be changed into a cross body though and English rolls through for the pin and the title shot at 10:48.
Results
Sasha Banks/Charlotte b. Dana Brooke/Emma – Bank Statement to Brooke
Solomon Crowe b. Marcus Louis – Crowebar
Vaudevillains b. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady – English rolled through a high cross body
Impact Wrestling
Date: July 8, 2015
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We're officially in the Ethan Carter III era, which means tonight is going to be a big celebration. It's going to be interesting to see where the company goes with Ethan on top, because he was clearly the next logical choice to take the title. Oh and Dixie is back. Yes, about a year after she left, Dixie Carter makes her big return tonight to either congratulate or help deal with her nephew, because the world just wouldn't be complete without the Duchess of Darlin out there to guide us through life. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of the World Title change last week. That really was the only way to go.
Here are Ethan and Tyrus to open things up. Ethan: “DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION YET??? I am the undisputed World Heavyweight Champion and the greatest living wrestler alive.” Dixie has given him free reign tonight, meaning he's booked the entire card. Therefore, he'll be defending his title not EC-once, not EC-twice, but EC3 times. This brings out Matt Hardy, who says he took Angle to the limit before Carter's title shot.
If Ethan is so keen to defend the title tonight, how about Matt Hardy getting a chance? Ethan declines, because Matt may have taken Angle to the limit, but the champ took him over the limit. True actually. Instead, Matt can have a tag match, if he can find someone to replace his idiot brother. Actually Ethan doesn't mean against he and Tyrus though, meaning it's time for the Dirty Heels. You can see the talent departures starting to take effect already.
Matt Hardy vs. Dirty Heels
Carter is in on commentary and gets in an argument about Twitter to start. The numbers game has Matt in early trouble as you would expect with Roode dropping Matt face first in a gordbuster. Aries argues with the referee so Roode can punch Hardy in the face behind the referee's back. That's quite the dirty heel move.
Ethan's mic stops working as Matt hooks what used to be called the Ice Pick on Roode until Aries makes a quick save. That earns Austin an Ice Pick but he blocks the Twist of Fate. Instead it's a suplex over the ropes but Bobby plays Heenan by tripping the leg so Aries can fall on top for the pin at 5:01. Carter: “THEY'RE SO DIRTY!”
Here's the Rising for their big breakup speech. Drew promises to keep standing up for wrestling and Drake says one day he'll show Galloway what it means for Drew getting him in the door. The team leaves Drew alone in the ring and Ethan grabs a mic and starts to cry. It's sad to see Drew like this, but it's even sadder that he has a 3-1 handicap match right now.
Drew Galloway vs. Khoya/Abyss/Manik
Drew is in jeans and the beatdown is on early. A clothesline and neckbreaker give Galloway a breather but a BIG Sky High powerbomb from Khoya plants him back down. Abyss doesn't like Khoya going for the pin though, allowing Drew to catch Manik in a backbreaker. As the other two argue, a big boot to Manik's jaw (well the mask around his jaw) is enough for the big upset pin at 2:18. Well done on mixing up the heel dominance and hopefully this leads to the official end of the Revolution.
Mr. Anderson congratulates Carter on winning the title but thinks he'd be a great option for one of those three title shots. Carter disagrees and gives Anderson a match next.
Mr. Anderson vs. Bram
Bram gets taken to the mat to start and eats a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a Regal Roll. Well the second attempt at one but it's better late than never right? A Swanton gets two but Bram elbows out of the Mic Check. That earns him a clothesline out to the floor, only to have Bram nail Anderson with a chair for the DQ at 2:59. That was kind of pointless.
Bram keeps beating Anderson up after the match and orders the mic to be dropped, which he uses to bash Anderson's head in, drawing some blood in the process.
Robbie E. vs. Jesse Godderz
Street fight. Robbie starts fast and takes it outside for a running flip dive off the apron. A running trashcan shot “knocks the Adonis complex out of the Adonis” (ok that was a good line) and it's time to head inside. Robbie blasts him between the legs with a kendo stick, which is somehow a way for Josh to transition to plugging another Destination America show.
The cheap plug apparently ticked Jesse off enough that he's able to send Robbie back first into the post, followed by a buckle bomb. It's nice to see some basic body part work to set up a submission hold. That's often considered too basic today but it still works just fine. Robbie comes back with a White Russian legsweep to make Jesse drop his kendo stick before sending him into a trashcan in the corner.
A reverse DDT onto the chair gets two for Robbie but Jesse crotches him on top. Jesse powerbombs him through two chairs in what really should have been the finish (Pope sounds more confused than shocked on the kickout) but instead he has to put Robbie in the Adonis Lock with a chair over Robbie's back for the pass out at 8:30.
Lashley wants a title shot but gets Tyrus instead.
Kurt Angle says Ethan's gauntlet has gotten a lot more interesting.
The Jarretts say they can't believe that they're they're back after everything that happened but TNA is one of the many promotions they're partnering with. The King of the Mountain Title is going to be defended in Global Force Wrestling and other promotions around the world. That's not much, but at least we got SOMETHING this week.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???
First up for Ethan is....Norv Fernum. Pope is of course aghast at these developments. A right hand and the 1%er are enough for the pin in 45 seconds.
Carter sits down in the corner and gets water. “To the body? To the body!”
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. ???
It's Shark Boy, complete with a quick plug for Shark Week on Discovery Channel. For some reason Pope thinks this one is hilarious. Shark Boy looks about seven months pregnant. Tyrus: “You're going to need a bigger boat.” Shark Boy gets in some offense but the 1%er takes him out in 54 seconds.
Carter is ready for the third match and here's Kurt. Contract, rematch clause, tonight.
Lashley vs. Tyrus
Carter is on commentary again. Lashley runs into Tyrus to start but has a sleeper quickly broken. Instead, Tyrus plants him down with a side slam and drops an elbow for two. It's hard to believe that Tyrus is in his early 40s. The guy made the big time fairly late in his career and it's hard to fathom on occasion. Lashley can't slam him so Tyrus throws him down with a t-bone suplex. That's fine with Lashley who throws Tyrus onto his shoulder for an electric chair (but he couldn't slam him?), followed by a spear to put Tyrus away at 4:46.
The end of the Jarretts' interview talks about how his goals for Global Force line up with TNA's and everybody wins. The real history of TNA is in the list of great names they've had over the years (including Don West oddly enough) and that's Jeff's legacy.
Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky
Before the match, Madison tells Velvet that she belongs in the crowd instead of the ring. The brawl is on because this match needed a story I guess. I'll take it over “they were in the Beautiful People!” again though. They quickly head outside with Madison being sent shoulder first into the post. Madison grabs a northern lights suplex but has to clutch her shoulder after the kickout. Velvet shrugs off some offense and kicks Madison in the face, setting up the Stunner for the pin at 3:36.
Some TNA wrestlers were at a charity camp. That's always cool to see.
TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III b. Kurt Angle
Carter, defending, immediately runs to the floor and the stalling begins. Back in and a suplex gets two on the champ and Ethan is back on the floor, demanding a faster count. Kurt goes after him this time and it's time to roll some Germans. Tyrus gets knocked off the apron and there's the ankle lock, but Ethan punches the referee. He taps out and Hebner calls for the bell at 3:26. That's the bell for the DQ of course.
Post break and Ethan is still in the ring, saying he got out of that one. Now for the big cherry on top, here's Dixie! And it's to SILENCE. On a taped show no less. Ethan is ready for his congratulations for winning the World Title and defending the Carter name but Dixie cuts him off and says she doesn't recognize the person she was last year. Now it's Ethan who is out of control and OH MY GOODNESS they're really making this all about Dixie again.
Yes, after all that time of her turning the show into a playground, we're supposed to cheer for her because she's seen the light or whatever. Ethan is taking over so Dixie is ready to announce a matchmaker so he'll have to defend the title against quality competition. It's not Dixie (thank goodness) and darlin (you knew that was coming), we'll find out who that is next week.
Results
Dirty Heels b. Matt Hardy – Aries pinned Hardy with Roode holding his leg
Drew Galloway b. Khoya/Abyss/Manik – Big boot to Manik
Mr. Anderson b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a chair
Jesse Godderz b. Robbie E. – Adonis Lock
Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – 1%er
Ethan Carter III b. Shark Boy – 1%er
Lashley b. Tyrus – Spear
Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – Stunner
Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter punched the referee
Thursday
Smackdown
Date: July 9, 2015
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Jimmy Uso, Jerry Lawler
We're back after this Monday's classic of Cena vs. Cesaro and Lesnar squashing a Cadillac with....maybe Cesaro and Rollins if we're lucky. My guess is we'll get more of a focus on Reigns vs. Wyatt, which is a far more interesting story than the World Title situation. Hopefully the wrestling will be good. Let's get to it.
The opening recap is a long video on Lesnar vs. Rollins, with Cena vs. Cesaro not warranting air time.
Here's Rollins to open things up by calling Lesnar a coward. Luckily we're treated to a JUSTIN BIEBER chant because that's a full time thing now. Rollins rants about the destroyed Cadillac but here's Paul Heyman with a tow truck hauling out the remnants. Heyman says you can't treat Lesnar like Rollins did and not expect to be taken to Suplex City.
Both say that the car is a metaphor for their opponent (or client's opponent) in a good exchange. Rollins brings up the whole destroying the Shield thing but Heyman promises Lesnar putting his foot on Seth's chest as he holds up his new title. Seth cuts him off again and promises to keep the title. This was basic stuff but it's why they have Heyman with Lesnar though. If Brock can't be around, just throw Heyman out there to do the talking.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bo Dallas
In case Monday's squash didn't do it for you I guess. Before the match, Bo takes credit for the success of Rock's new HBO series Ballers. Ambrose works on a hammerlock to start but Dallas sends him into the post three times in a row. Some choking with the ring skirt (that's something you don't see to often) sets up Bo's belly to belly (his old finisher) for two and we take a break. Back with Dean fighting out of a chinlock and firing away against the ropes. We get a big surprise as Bo runs the ropes for a belly to belly superplex, followed by a Downward Spiral for two. That goes nowhere so Dirty Deeds finishes Bo at 9:07.
Big Show tells Rollins to take care of Lesnar and promises to take out Reigns tonight. Man I thought we were past that mess.
Recap of Rusev putting Ziggler out on Raw.
Fandango vs. Rusev
Rusev has shoes now, which is a very smart mandate for him. Fandango scores with a headscissors to start as Jimmy brings up Rusev wearing boots after Tom and Jerry spent thirty seconds talking about it during Rusev's entrance. This is every Rusev match before he feuded with Cena: a nerve hold, no selling Fandango's comeback, the superkick and the Accolade for the submission at 3:15.
Roman Reigns vs. Big Show
Remember what I said about being fine? Forget all of that here. Show is now in a sleeveless black shirt instead of the singlet top. Reigns gets thrown around to start and Show shoves him out to the floor. The giant gets posted for an eight count and it's time for Reigns' clotheslines, because where would we be without a series of clotheslines? The Superman Punch is loaded up but we've got a fake Wyatt on the stage. The real one gets punched off the apron but pulls Reigns down for the DQ at 4:00.
Bray hits a pair of Sister Abigails.
Titus O'Neil vs. Big E.
E. takes over to start and hammers Titus into the corner to start. That's a very common way to open matches these days. We hit the early abdominal stretch complete with slaps but Titus tosses E. out to the floor. A belly to belly stops Titus' comeback and the partners all try to interfere, earning them a mass ejection. Clash of the Titus ends E. at 2:49.
Austin WWE2K16 video.
Video on the Cadillac being crushed earlier this week. So what wrecked car was brought out earlier???
After a recap of what happened between them on Monday, here's Orton to talk about what happened with Sheamus earlier this week. He keeps it simple by saying he's going to attempt to make Sheamus entertaining by ripping off his mohawk, but here's the Ascension of all people for some reason. There was a time when this might have been interesting but instead it's RKO's all around.
Video on Cesaro vs. Cena from Raw. This deserved any attention it could get.
Naomi/Tamina vs. Brie Bella/Alicia Fox
Brie shoves Naomi into the corner to start before it's off to Tamina, who takes some kicks to the ribs as well. All hail the Bellas right? Tamina makes a comeback so it's off to Alicia and Naomi with the latter still having no luck. Everything breaks down and a Nikki distraction lets Alicia hit the ax kick for the pin on Tamina at 2:55.
Ryback doesn't like how Seth Rollins has been acting as champion, including how he ran away on Monday. Tonight, Ryback will show Rollins how a champion acts because there is no running and hiding.
Ryback vs. Seth Rollins
Non-title and both guys come out alone. Ryback shoves him out to the floor with ease to start and Rollins is already frustrated. Back in and some knees to the chest only earn Rollins a thirty second delayed vertical suplex. Seth kicks him off the apron though and nails a nice suicide dive, only to come back in using Brock's jump to the apron. Man this guy has some guts.
Seth's chinlock is quickly countered into a Backpack Stunner and the low superkick is countered into a powerbomb. It's Rollins' turn to counter though as he escapes Shell Shock and kicks Ryback in the head. Instead of covering though he walks out, but Ryback throws him onto the floor a few times. The threat of a Shell Shock on the floor is enough to make Seth run into the crowd for the countout at 8:11.
Post match here's Big Show to double team Ryback but Reigns makes the save to end the show.
Results
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
Rusev b. Fandango – Accolade
Roman Reigns b. Big Show via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered
Titus O'Neil b. Big E. – Clash of the Titus
Alicia Fox/Brie Bella b. Naomi/Tamina – Ax kick to Tamina
Ryback b. Seth Rollins via countout
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Big Show vs. Ryback went to a double DQ when Miz interfered
Brie Bella b. Paige – Bella Buster
Sheamus b. Roman Reigns via countout
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
John Cena b. Cesaro – Middle rope Attitude Adjustment
NXT
Sasha Banks/Charlotte b. Dana Brooke/Emma – Bank Statement to Brooke
Solomon Crowe b. Marcus Louis – Crowebar
Vaudevillains b. Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady – English rolled through a high cross body
Impact Wrestling
Dirty Heels b. Matt Hardy – Aries pinned Hardy with Roode holding his leg
Drew Galloway b. Khoya/Abyss/Manik – Big boot to Manik
Mr. Anderson b. Bram via DQ when Bram used a chair
Jesse Godderz b. Robbie E. – Adonis Lock
Ethan Carter III b. Norv Fernum – 1%er
Ethan Carter III b. Shark Boy – 1%er
Lashley b. Tyrus – Spear
Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – Stunner
Kurt Angle b. Ethan Carter III via DQ when Carter punched the referee
Smackdown
Dean Ambrose b. Bo Dallas – Dirty Deeds
Rusev b. Fandango – Accolade
Roman Reigns b. Big Show via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered
Titus O'Neil b. Big E. – Clash of the Titus
Alicia Fox/Brie Bella b. Naomi/Tamina – Ax kick to Tamina
Ryback b. Seth Rollins via countout