klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 30, 2011
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
Three weeks out from Capitol Punishment and we now have some new stories set up. Its looking like were setting up some form of Truth vs. Cena at the PPV which is probably the best option right here. Other than that its kind of hard to say where were going with major matches as other than that, Show vs. Alberto is probably coming later with the knee injury angle. Lets get to it.
The opening video is a tribute to Memorial Day and soldiers that have died in combat. Nothing wrong with that.
And now we have a black screen. Oh wait heres R-Truth at a merchandise stand destroying stuff. And never mind as were gone again with a graphic saying there are technical difficulties. Ok now hes destroying the stand with no audio. He messes with a concession stand and we cut to black again. We have some background audio but whatever hes saying into the microphone isnt heard.
Cole and Lawler are talking but their words dont match their movements. Lawler says its something to do with the conspiracy. Now Truth is coming down the steps in the audience and yelling at people in Cena gear. There goes the audio again. Truth comes down to a family in Cena gear and the audio is way out of sync. He calls the kid little Jimmy and the kids father big Jimmy. The father says Whats Up and Truth isnt happy. The sound sounds like its in a tunnel or something and is about 8 seconds ahead of the video.
Hes in the ring now and ranting about how the fans are the problem instead of him. Its about Little Jimmy apparently. Here comes Cena as Vince must be losing his mind right now. Cena says that Truth is losing it because he thinks everyone is named Jimmy and there is no conspiracy. The audio is in sync now, about 10 minutes into the show. Truth says its the fans and Cena that are crazy, not Truth.
The fans chant for Cena and the picture is still jumping a bit. Cena says that these are the greatest fans in the world and they agree that Truth should be in a straightjacket. Cena says he has no problem knocking some sense back into Truth. Truth wants a match so all the little Jimmys can watch him beat Cena down. Cue the GM for an E-Mail read by Cole and the main event is Truth vs. Cena with no little Jimmys allowed at ringside. Truth thinks its a joke and says Cena will get got.
Kharma will speak tonight.
Dolph vs. Kofi next.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston
Cole says hes thankful for being back at ringside to call this show. Dolph is blonde again which is a big improvement for him. Technical stuff to start as Lawler says Vickie looks good tonight. I know they were having technical difficulties but dang man theyre messing with Lawlers words now. Slower paced match than was probably expected. Ziggler takes him down with a shoulder block but Kofi speeds things up a bit.
The referee has an elbow pad on for some reason. Cole keeps sucking up to Vickie as Kofi takes over a bit. No one has really had an extended advantage yet. Kofi tries his jump into the punches in the corner but Dolph moves, allowing Kofi to land on the top rope. Dolph shoves him to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Dolph holding an armbar and pulling Kofi back down by the hair. Elbow drop gets two and we go to a chinlock. Stinger Splash in the corner misses for Dolph and Kofi speeds things up again. He cant get the SOS but the jumping clothesline does hit. Theres the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. Sleeper almost goes on and Kofi hits a pendulum kick. Top rope cross body misses and a Fameasser gets a close two. Small package gets two for Kofi but he walks into the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:50.
Heres Alberto in an Audi. We get a clip from last week where Big Show was hit by the car driven by Ricardo. Part of the clip shows Alberto was driving and Ricardo switched places with him in the background. Ricardo explains his side of the story in Spanish. Alberto says bad things happen to bad people. They owe him money for damaging his car and Ricardo will send them the bill. Get well soon Big Show. So it took almost 8 minutes to say Im not sorry?
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Bella Twins
Eve vs. Brie to start as Eve does her gymnastics. She hooks some kind of a choke/arm lock on but Twin Magic prevails. The Bellas beat down Eve for a good while as the crowd really doesnt seem to care. Theres the tag to Kelly who does what is supposed to be a Thesz Press I think. Kellys belt goes flying off and she gives whichever Bella that is a Stinkface. Everything breaks down and the K2 ends lets say Nikki at 2:56. Just your typical Divas match with the looks being the only thing of note.
Theres a cookout in Nebraska. No real reason for it being shown but its the second time weve seen it tonight.
Cole is in the ring to talk to Riley about his attack last week. The Raw GM has apparently signed Alex Riley again. We see the beatdown on Miz from last week. Heres Riley with his own theme song and a decent reaction from the crowd. Cole yells at Riley about how he betrayed Miz after Miz had done so much for him. What about Miz apparently? Miz looked at Riley like a brother and Cole wants to know how Riley can do what he did to Miz last week.
Riley says hes never felt better and Cole suggests Riley beg Miz for forgiveness. Cole rants on him a bit more and Riley cuts him off. Riley says Cole has a big mouth and is starting to get annoying just like Miz. Cole calls Riley a bastard an Riley grabs him. He of course takes too long and heres Miz for the beatdown. He looks manly in pink. Miz tries to get a kick in but Riley takes him down. Miz tries to run but Riley takes him down in the aisle and continues the beating. Riley throws him onto the table and Miz runs into the crowd and out the door as Riley stands tall in the ring.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Ryan is with Punk here. Cole cant wait to tell us that a guy on American Idol wore a Punk shirt. You know, for all the WWE fans that watch American Idol. Punk takes over to start but gets caught in a kick to the chest and a headscissors. Into the corner but Punk gets out of the way and sends Rey to the floor. Rey gets on the apron but Ryan sends him into the post as we take a break.
Back with Punk holding Rey in something like a Gory Stretch for a bit. Rey escapes but a headscissors is countered into a backbreaker for two. Punk hammers away but Rey manages to dropkick him into 619 position. CM hits the floor but Rey hits a suicide dive to send Punk over the announce table. Back in Rey hits the seated senton and the springboard cross body for two. A sweet pinning combination gets two.
Big spin kick misses and Punk gets another backbreaker for two. Punk loads up the GTS but Rey counters into a rana to set up the 619. Ryan blocks it so Rey dropkicks him to the floor. Rey tries to skin the cat back in but Punk catches him in the GTS position. Rey counters again but a big kick to the head is enough for Punk to pin him at 9:05.
We get a clip of Austin on Jimmy Fallon.
Heres Kharma to explain what happened last week. Her voice is a lot softer than you would expect. Her dream was to be a WWE Superstar (not Diva) and here she is. She tried out for season 2 of Tough Enough and JR apparently told her she was too fat to be a Diva. She went to Japan where she cleaned floors for training. She went to every wrestling promotion in the world (no mention of TNA) before WWE called.
Her other dream was to be a mother. Shell be a mother because she is currently with child. This is a high risk business and she cant risk anything happening to her because its a high risk sport. Shell be back though. Here are the Bellas to make fun of her. They say theyre impressed that she found a guy to hook up with. It must bother her to not be able to beat them up right now. They make fat jokes and the Bellas try to run. Kharma will be back in a year and she hopes theyll still be here because then she has a new dream. Her music plays her out.
We get the really stupid press conference promo on Capitol Punishment. At least mix it up a bit. I think this one is different but still, the joke is over.
Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger hammers away to start but an attempt at a belly to back suplex puth both guys on the floor. Back in and its all Swagger so far with him hammering away on the back of Bourne. Rather slow match here but Bourne tries to speed things up a bit, only to walk into a sidewalk slam. Swagger keeps smacking him in the head and seemingly wasting time. And yep there it is as Bourne grabs a victory roll for the pin at 3:14.
Truth talks to himself some more.
Cena talks to Ryder who looks like he has something resembling the IC Title.
R-Truth vs. John Cena
We do get part of the segment to open the show from earlier tonight with working audio. Cenas music hits at 10:58 so this is going to be a pretty short match. Cena sends him to the floor almost immediately and Truth rants at some fans. Truth gets something going but is sent to the floor again where he runs his mouth some more. Theyre intentionally not having a ton of contact here.
There are the dueling chants as Cena gets going. At least hes not gone get got. Cena takes him to the floor again and Cena gets frustrated. Truth escapes the Attitude Adjustment and hits the crowd this time. Cena goes after him but gets caught with a shot to the head and its a count out win for Truth at 4:00.
Truth goes back into the crowd and throws soda in the face of the fans from earlier. Cena gives them his wristbands to end the show.
Results
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston Zig Zag
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres b. Bella Twins K2 to Nikki Bella
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio Kick to the head
Evan Bourne b. Jack Swagger Victory Roll
R-Truth b. John Cena via countout
Tuesday
Smackdown got a 1.9. Not sure what it was the week before.
NXT
Date: May 31, 2011
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Michael Cole
Another elimination tonight and I have a feeling itll be Saxton because thats the guy that doesnt need to be gone. OBrian will continue to be around and waste all of our time because he has no character and nothing of interest in the slightest overall. Cannon and ONeil are definitely the strongest out there and Id be ok with either winning .I think. Anyway lets get to it.
Todd calls this trimming the fat tonight. At least they admit some of these guys are worthless.
Striker and Maryse are with the rookies in the ring. They bring out Cole for one night only. Oh dear. For some reason hes doing commentary tonight instead of Regal. Blast it all. Cole says this is where he got his start.
We go over the Redemption Points aspect which are there in the event of a tie. ONeil is miles ahead of everyone so theres no point in even listing them off. Tonight you can earn 3 points (Titus is up by 12) in Tag Team Turmoil. Its rookies and pros as teams here. First though, lets hear why you shouldnt get eliminated tonight. Conor sucks up to the crowd and says hes not done sacrificing for the business yet. Cannon says if youre not a fan of his yet youre deaf, dumb and blind. He doesnt need the fans and has an ace up his sleeve. He looks at Maryse and says make that a queen. Todd: Is he looking at Striker?
Young says hes been at the top the entire time. He shouldnt be on NXT because he was in the main event of Summerslam. Its about time someone brought that up. Young says he should be challenging Cena and that the entire NXT show is a joke. Saxton says he doesnt need to explain why he should be voted for. He got rid of Tatsu last week and the real question is why wouldnt you vote for him. Titus says he is bigger, badder and better than anyone else in the competition. Horny comes out and Young goes after him as Titus saves. Tag team turmoil is next.
Tag Team Turmoil
If youre unfamiliar, the idea is two tag teams start us off and they have a match. The losers are eliminated and the winners advance to face another team. Last team standing wins and there are five total teams. We start with ONeil/Horny vs. Cannon/Kidd and the rookies go first. And yeah, this is rather boring indeed. Horny cant get in due to reasons of HES A FREAKING LEPRECHAUN and my signal cuts out.
Back and its Saxton and Tatsu in there now instead of ONeil and Horny. Apparently there was a commercial in there so at least I didnt miss much. Yoshi takes over on Kidd and its off to Saxton. Cannon grabs a chinlock on him as Maryse is in Cannon and Kidds corner. Yoshi wants in but Saxton wants to do this by himself. Cannon and Kidd keep tagging in and out like an actual team while Saxton is being a big meanie. Id prefer a blue one but you take what you can get I guess.
Cannon channels his inner Flair to use the ropes for two. This is another fine example of the really boring matches these guys have. None of them are particularly good in the ring and none of them are interesting at all. Saxton fights back against Kidd but takes FOREVER on the ropes and jumps into a big boot for the elimination. Kozlov/OBrian are in next. Why do I have a bad feeling theyre going to win here? Theres a break before this next part begins.
It would be nice if the commercials on this show were longer than 45 seconds. You cant do anything in that amount of time. During the break Kozlov send Kidd flying to the floor with a fallaway slam. And because hes like a fungus, heres JTG. Seriously dude, go away. No one likes you and your pets are being sacrificed to Satan. Your friends hate you, your family hates you and youre going to hell. Go away. Did I mention I dont like JTG.
The distraction shifts the momentum again as JTG is on commentary. If it seems like Im not watching the match, its because Im trying to stay awake here. JTG doesnt care who wins this and it takes ten seconds to get through that joke. Cannon stomps away on OBrian as this has been going on nearly 15 minutes now. JTG gets his rookies name wrong because hes an annoying person.
Since were not bored enough, heres a headlock by Cannon to OBrian. Hot tag to Kozlov and much destruction is seen. Iron Curtain ends Cannon and were down to Chavo/Darren Young vs. Kozlov/OBrian. Heres another break because we havent had to sit through enough yet. Back with Kozlov beating on Young as the crowd is SILENT. Off to OBrian who hammers on Young a bit.
Off to an armbar as even the camera guys are bored with this match so they keep the camera on JTG. Chavo comes in to take over and hammers away. Young gets a shot off the top and a two count so lets go BACK to the resthold. They hit heads off a whip into the corner because they hadnt reached a level of boring high enough yet. Double tag brings in the pros and Chavo jumps into a headbutt to the chest.
A spinwheel kick puts Vlad on the floor where Young gets in a shot. OBrian apparently went off to get a hot pretzel because hes not helping here. Back in the ring now for even more slow paced stuff. I can live with a long match like this if its interesting. By that I mean if ANY part of it is interesting but this has been five straight boring NXT matches.
The heels tag in and out a lot as Vlad reverses a double suplex at the twenty five minute mark. And remember, its for a total of three points. OBrian comes in but cant get a pin. Three Amigos take him down but the third is blocked. Vlad is sent to the floor and OBrian hits something like a Saito Suplex for the pin on Young at 26:00, which might be longer than Cody vs. MVP for longest match in NXT history.
Obama ad. I cant stand this anymore.
The Bellas, the chicks that made fat jokes at the expense of a pregnant woman last night, want you to stop bullying. The irony of this campaign never ceases to amaze me.
Saxton is gone. Well of course he is. I mean, he can talk and has a decent look so he has no business being here over a guy as universally talented as Rat Boy right? They make it way too easy to predict whos going home on this show.
Results
Conor OBrian/Vladimir Kozlov won tag team turmoil, last eliminating Chavo Guerrero/Darren Young
Byron Saxton was eliminated in 5th place
Wednesday
Chris Sabin is out until next year with a torn ACL and MCL. Injuries running rampant as we hit summer.
Thursday
Impact
Date: June 2, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Its Thursday, which means its time for Impact. After last weeks less than inspired effort, hopefully tonight there are no 40 minute rests between matches. We have two weeks left before Slammiversary and most of the card seems to be all set up. Id expect more shenanigans from Anderson tonight as far as Sting and more build between Jarrett and Angle because we havent seen enough of that yet right? Lets get to it.
Bischoff arrives and is served legal papers by the Network. Because when you think of wrestling, you think of old men with gray hair, network dealings and legal paperwork right?
We open with a big brawl between Velvet and ODB in the back. Velvet fights back and hits a spear through .a big piece of paper. ODB shouts about Velvet being the reason why ODB doesnt have a job. ODB beats her up and carries her into the Impact Zone, shouting about how Velvet slept her way to her job and all that jazz.
The producers FINALLY come out to break this up and that goes nowhere so ODB rips off the shirt Velvet is wearing so we at least get to see Sky in a bikini which is never a bad thing. After Velvet is left laying and ODB leaves Tessmacher finally comes out to help her. Some friend. This ate up like five minutes total.
AJ and Bully Ray have a confrontation later. Not a match mind you, a confrontation.
Also Jarrett/Steiner vs. Angle/Morgan.
Heres Sting and never mind as its really Anderson again in old school Sting clothes. Hes going to face someone from Stings past tonight and thats about it.
Bischoff is on the phone and Kendrick comes up, saying he wants another shot at Abyss. Kaz has the shot at the PPV apparently but tonight instead its Kaz vs. Kendrick and the winner gets Abyss at Slammiversary.
Bischoff is still on the phone, apparently to Hogan. He actually says SpikeTV instead of The Network for once. He comes into the arena and apparently that was during the break. Hogan will be here later it seems. Bischoff calls down Beer Money and apparently Roode isnt cleared to wrestle at the PPV. Theyre facing the British Invasion apparently. Uh .why? Roode says hell be at the PPV so here comes Alex Shelley.
Apparently Sabin as torn ligaments in his knee and wont be back until 2012. Shelley talks about the best of 5 series that the Guns had last year with Beer Money and how he wants to defend the titles in Roodes place. Bischoff says no way but Shelley has Network authority. They team is now Gun Money apparently. Shouldnt it be Beer Guns or Motor Beer or something?
Matt Hardy vs. Crimson
Crimson is introduced as the undefeated Crimson. Its Crimson vs. Joe at the PPV apparently. Matt gets taken down by a clothesline quickly and sent to the floor for a breather. Very basic match so far as Crimson uses his power and Matt uses his basic offense. A middle rope clothesline puts Crimson down and an elbow gets two. Matt works on the neck which makes sense for a guy whose finisher is the Twist of Hate. Crimson tries to go up but Matt knocks him off and hits a middle rope legdrop for two.
Crimson starts his comeback and hits a double arm DDT for two. His offense is kind of limited for the most part and he doesnt wrestle like the power guy you would think he is based on his looks. Twist of Fate doesnt hit but the Sky High (wasnt that called Red Sky or something last week?) ends this out of nowhere at 6:05.
Joe comes out post match and is speared out of the ring before he can even throw a punch.
Anderson comes up to Young in the back and wants to talk to him. Young has both titles on him still. Apparently the world is clamoring for Young to have seminars to show how to have matches like Young and Gunner had last week. Anderson wants Young to pretend to be Great Muta tonight for the match. This is about respect though, not disrespect, so Young agrees.
Winter tells Angelina that tonight the respect begins again with Tessmacher. Angelina actually talks, saying she remembers a better time when they were loved and alone and they need to go back to that time, which starts tonight. Winter seems thrilled.
Eric gives an emotional speech to Immortal (including the Jarretts for once), saying that he didnt think it would end like this. Hogan will be here later and will explain things. Immortal wants to know what happens to them as Bischoff leaves.
Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love
Love vs. James at the PPV. Tessmacher gets a pair of rollups within the first ten seconds for two each. Angelina starts no selling stuff and hammers away on Tessmacher. Cross body gets two for Tessmacher but Love knocks her to the floor. Side slam is kind of dropped and Angelina rams her into the corner a few times. Tessmacher fires back but takes forever setting up a victory roll and gets countered. A reverse DDT into a backbreaker ends this at 3:35.
Post match Angelina chokes Tessmacher until Winter pulls her off.
Mr. Anderson vs. Eric Young
This is billed as Sting vs. the Not-So-Great Muta. This feud was what, 22 years ago? I know TNA is supposed to be an alternative to the kids show, but anyone under about 25 isnt going to remember the original feud. And yet its somehow better than Disco Inferno last week. Anderson does slow motion Stinger Splashes in the corner while Young stands around. Young goes to leave but Anderson stops him and overacts on everything. Youngs face paint looks like Darth Maul. Splash misses in the corner and Young fights back with a forearm for two.
Belly to belly gets two as does a crucifix. Anderson tries to fight back and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two. Young actually hits the moonsault for two and heres Gunner. The referee makes the stop and it allows Young to spit green mist at Anderson and a small package gets the pin at 3:58. Thats an upset I guess, but not as big a one as theyre making it out to be. The winner is announced as the Not-So-Great Muta.
Gunner and Anderson beat down Young post match until Sting makes the save.
Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian
Winner gets Abyss for the X-Title at the PPV. They shake hands pre-match to establish that theyre both good guys. Very technical back and forth stuff to start us off here as neither guy can get an extended advantage. Release gutwrench suplex puts Kendrick down and we head to the floor. Brian misses a dive and Kaz takes over. Back in the ring a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Kaz.
Kaz takes over completely, hitting a leg lariat for two. Off to a cross arm pulling hold by Kazarian to give them a quick breather. Kendrick gets a kick to the face to switch momentum and a missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault misses for Kendrick but an enziguri puts Kaz down. Sliced Bread #2 is countered into a neckbreaker for two for Kaz. Good match so far.
Fade to Black doesnt work so Kendrick kicks his head off with a superkick. Frog splash gets knees though and a Shining Wizard puts Kendrick on the floor. They trade two counts back in the ring as neither guy can take advantage again. With a rollup the bell rings for a time limit draw at 7:57. Dude, seriously? You cant give them an extra two minutes and three seconds for the sake of people who, I dont know, might have looked at a clock before the match?
Thankfully theyre given five more minutes. They both hit cross bodies at the same time and both guys are down. And never mind as here comes Abyss to beat them both up for the DQ at a minute into the overtime so the total time is approximately 9:00.
Heres AJ to call out Ray. He calls the Impact Zone his house so heres Ray to rebut. Ray says Daniels and AJ didnt beat him last week. They beat Dreamer, who was another weak partner apparently. Ray says that AJ is everything he hates in a modern pro wrestler. Instead of playing on a laptop, AJ needs to be in a strip club, getting a lap dance.
AJ says Ray has a small penis which freaks Ray out. Styles says that a bully is like a bully: you only have to pop it once to get rid of it. A last man standing match is made for Slammiversary. That could be good. Ray asks if AJ knows what hes getting himself into. AJ asks if Ray knows what hes getting into. Not bad here.
Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Matt Morgan/Kurt Angle
They do the Karen in a chair thing to kill some time before the match starts. Actually they completely throw her out. Angle vs. Steiner start but Morgan and Jarrett are tagged in less than five seconds after the bell. Jeff has black in his tights now. Ok lets tag it out again and have Steiner vs. Angle. Theres a minute down in this match. Angle gets a belly to belly and its off to Jarrett again rather quickly.
Theres the ankle lock but Jeff kicks off and Angle tags out also. Headbutt takes Jarrett down and its off to Kurt again. Oh never mind as we need to cut to the back to see Hogan being handed papers by Bischoff. Back and Jeff hits an enziguri on Angle and brings in Steiner. At this point, Impact officially has had more wrestling than NXT had this past week and it only took them an extra hour.
Steiner gets a belly to belly on Angle for two and its off to Jeff again. Lots of tagging in this match. Its Sting/Young vs. Gunner/Anderson next week. Stroke attempt is countered into an ankle lock but Jeff reverses again and both guys are down. Off to Morgan and Steiner with Morgan claiming the advantage in the battle of alliteration.
Michinoku Driver gets two for Morgan as Jarrett saves. Kurt and Jeff fight up the ramp and its an ankle lock on the stage, broken up by Karen. We dont bother watching the ring at this point but Jeff knocks Kurt into Karen and apparently she fell down a flight of stairs. In the ring Steiner pins Morgan at 6:34 with a move we didnt see at all.
Angle yells down at Jeff, saying its Jeffs fault and we need paramedics.
Back and Karen is put in an ambulance as the announcers are all serious.
Here are Bischoff and Hogan. Bischoff talks about Foley and how hes known him for 19 years. Foley could always talk but in the ring he couldnt do much. Foley is a puppet master because hes made a career out of having a sock on his hand. Hogan starts talking now, saying that Eric is his partner and thats all that matters. Hogan opens the paper which he looked at earlier, apparently reading it the first time. He reads the legal issues out loud and Foley is fired apparently. So Bischoff read those papers ALL FREAKING NIGHT and he never saw that part? Hogan and Bischoff hug to end the show.
Results
Crimson b. Matt Hardy Sky High
Angelina Love b. Miss Tessmacher Reverse DDT into a backbreaker
Eric Young b. Mr. Anderson Small Package
Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian went to a no contest when Abyss interfered
Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan Steiner pinned Morgan
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 30, 2011
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole
Three weeks out from Capitol Punishment and we now have some new stories set up. Its looking like were setting up some form of Truth vs. Cena at the PPV which is probably the best option right here. Other than that its kind of hard to say where were going with major matches as other than that, Show vs. Alberto is probably coming later with the knee injury angle. Lets get to it.
The opening video is a tribute to Memorial Day and soldiers that have died in combat. Nothing wrong with that.
And now we have a black screen. Oh wait heres R-Truth at a merchandise stand destroying stuff. And never mind as were gone again with a graphic saying there are technical difficulties. Ok now hes destroying the stand with no audio. He messes with a concession stand and we cut to black again. We have some background audio but whatever hes saying into the microphone isnt heard.
Cole and Lawler are talking but their words dont match their movements. Lawler says its something to do with the conspiracy. Now Truth is coming down the steps in the audience and yelling at people in Cena gear. There goes the audio again. Truth comes down to a family in Cena gear and the audio is way out of sync. He calls the kid little Jimmy and the kids father big Jimmy. The father says Whats Up and Truth isnt happy. The sound sounds like its in a tunnel or something and is about 8 seconds ahead of the video.
Hes in the ring now and ranting about how the fans are the problem instead of him. Its about Little Jimmy apparently. Here comes Cena as Vince must be losing his mind right now. Cena says that Truth is losing it because he thinks everyone is named Jimmy and there is no conspiracy. The audio is in sync now, about 10 minutes into the show. Truth says its the fans and Cena that are crazy, not Truth.
The fans chant for Cena and the picture is still jumping a bit. Cena says that these are the greatest fans in the world and they agree that Truth should be in a straightjacket. Cena says he has no problem knocking some sense back into Truth. Truth wants a match so all the little Jimmys can watch him beat Cena down. Cue the GM for an E-Mail read by Cole and the main event is Truth vs. Cena with no little Jimmys allowed at ringside. Truth thinks its a joke and says Cena will get got.
Kharma will speak tonight.
Dolph vs. Kofi next.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston
Cole says hes thankful for being back at ringside to call this show. Dolph is blonde again which is a big improvement for him. Technical stuff to start as Lawler says Vickie looks good tonight. I know they were having technical difficulties but dang man theyre messing with Lawlers words now. Slower paced match than was probably expected. Ziggler takes him down with a shoulder block but Kofi speeds things up a bit.
The referee has an elbow pad on for some reason. Cole keeps sucking up to Vickie as Kofi takes over a bit. No one has really had an extended advantage yet. Kofi tries his jump into the punches in the corner but Dolph moves, allowing Kofi to land on the top rope. Dolph shoves him to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Dolph holding an armbar and pulling Kofi back down by the hair. Elbow drop gets two and we go to a chinlock. Stinger Splash in the corner misses for Dolph and Kofi speeds things up again. He cant get the SOS but the jumping clothesline does hit. Theres the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses. Sleeper almost goes on and Kofi hits a pendulum kick. Top rope cross body misses and a Fameasser gets a close two. Small package gets two for Kofi but he walks into the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:50.
Heres Alberto in an Audi. We get a clip from last week where Big Show was hit by the car driven by Ricardo. Part of the clip shows Alberto was driving and Ricardo switched places with him in the background. Ricardo explains his side of the story in Spanish. Alberto says bad things happen to bad people. They owe him money for damaging his car and Ricardo will send them the bill. Get well soon Big Show. So it took almost 8 minutes to say Im not sorry?
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Bella Twins
Eve vs. Brie to start as Eve does her gymnastics. She hooks some kind of a choke/arm lock on but Twin Magic prevails. The Bellas beat down Eve for a good while as the crowd really doesnt seem to care. Theres the tag to Kelly who does what is supposed to be a Thesz Press I think. Kellys belt goes flying off and she gives whichever Bella that is a Stinkface. Everything breaks down and the K2 ends lets say Nikki at 2:56. Just your typical Divas match with the looks being the only thing of note.
Theres a cookout in Nebraska. No real reason for it being shown but its the second time weve seen it tonight.
Cole is in the ring to talk to Riley about his attack last week. The Raw GM has apparently signed Alex Riley again. We see the beatdown on Miz from last week. Heres Riley with his own theme song and a decent reaction from the crowd. Cole yells at Riley about how he betrayed Miz after Miz had done so much for him. What about Miz apparently? Miz looked at Riley like a brother and Cole wants to know how Riley can do what he did to Miz last week.
Riley says hes never felt better and Cole suggests Riley beg Miz for forgiveness. Cole rants on him a bit more and Riley cuts him off. Riley says Cole has a big mouth and is starting to get annoying just like Miz. Cole calls Riley a bastard an Riley grabs him. He of course takes too long and heres Miz for the beatdown. He looks manly in pink. Miz tries to get a kick in but Riley takes him down. Miz tries to run but Riley takes him down in the aisle and continues the beating. Riley throws him onto the table and Miz runs into the crowd and out the door as Riley stands tall in the ring.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
Ryan is with Punk here. Cole cant wait to tell us that a guy on American Idol wore a Punk shirt. You know, for all the WWE fans that watch American Idol. Punk takes over to start but gets caught in a kick to the chest and a headscissors. Into the corner but Punk gets out of the way and sends Rey to the floor. Rey gets on the apron but Ryan sends him into the post as we take a break.
Back with Punk holding Rey in something like a Gory Stretch for a bit. Rey escapes but a headscissors is countered into a backbreaker for two. Punk hammers away but Rey manages to dropkick him into 619 position. CM hits the floor but Rey hits a suicide dive to send Punk over the announce table. Back in Rey hits the seated senton and the springboard cross body for two. A sweet pinning combination gets two.
Big spin kick misses and Punk gets another backbreaker for two. Punk loads up the GTS but Rey counters into a rana to set up the 619. Ryan blocks it so Rey dropkicks him to the floor. Rey tries to skin the cat back in but Punk catches him in the GTS position. Rey counters again but a big kick to the head is enough for Punk to pin him at 9:05.
We get a clip of Austin on Jimmy Fallon.
Heres Kharma to explain what happened last week. Her voice is a lot softer than you would expect. Her dream was to be a WWE Superstar (not Diva) and here she is. She tried out for season 2 of Tough Enough and JR apparently told her she was too fat to be a Diva. She went to Japan where she cleaned floors for training. She went to every wrestling promotion in the world (no mention of TNA) before WWE called.
Her other dream was to be a mother. Shell be a mother because she is currently with child. This is a high risk business and she cant risk anything happening to her because its a high risk sport. Shell be back though. Here are the Bellas to make fun of her. They say theyre impressed that she found a guy to hook up with. It must bother her to not be able to beat them up right now. They make fat jokes and the Bellas try to run. Kharma will be back in a year and she hopes theyll still be here because then she has a new dream. Her music plays her out.
We get the really stupid press conference promo on Capitol Punishment. At least mix it up a bit. I think this one is different but still, the joke is over.
Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger hammers away to start but an attempt at a belly to back suplex puth both guys on the floor. Back in and its all Swagger so far with him hammering away on the back of Bourne. Rather slow match here but Bourne tries to speed things up a bit, only to walk into a sidewalk slam. Swagger keeps smacking him in the head and seemingly wasting time. And yep there it is as Bourne grabs a victory roll for the pin at 3:14.
Truth talks to himself some more.
Cena talks to Ryder who looks like he has something resembling the IC Title.
R-Truth vs. John Cena
We do get part of the segment to open the show from earlier tonight with working audio. Cenas music hits at 10:58 so this is going to be a pretty short match. Cena sends him to the floor almost immediately and Truth rants at some fans. Truth gets something going but is sent to the floor again where he runs his mouth some more. Theyre intentionally not having a ton of contact here.
There are the dueling chants as Cena gets going. At least hes not gone get got. Cena takes him to the floor again and Cena gets frustrated. Truth escapes the Attitude Adjustment and hits the crowd this time. Cena goes after him but gets caught with a shot to the head and its a count out win for Truth at 4:00.
Truth goes back into the crowd and throws soda in the face of the fans from earlier. Cena gives them his wristbands to end the show.
Results
Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston Zig Zag
Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres b. Bella Twins K2 to Nikki Bella
CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio Kick to the head
Evan Bourne b. Jack Swagger Victory Roll
R-Truth b. John Cena via countout
Tuesday
Smackdown got a 1.9. Not sure what it was the week before.
NXT
Date: May 31, 2011
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Michael Cole
Another elimination tonight and I have a feeling itll be Saxton because thats the guy that doesnt need to be gone. OBrian will continue to be around and waste all of our time because he has no character and nothing of interest in the slightest overall. Cannon and ONeil are definitely the strongest out there and Id be ok with either winning .I think. Anyway lets get to it.
Todd calls this trimming the fat tonight. At least they admit some of these guys are worthless.
Striker and Maryse are with the rookies in the ring. They bring out Cole for one night only. Oh dear. For some reason hes doing commentary tonight instead of Regal. Blast it all. Cole says this is where he got his start.
We go over the Redemption Points aspect which are there in the event of a tie. ONeil is miles ahead of everyone so theres no point in even listing them off. Tonight you can earn 3 points (Titus is up by 12) in Tag Team Turmoil. Its rookies and pros as teams here. First though, lets hear why you shouldnt get eliminated tonight. Conor sucks up to the crowd and says hes not done sacrificing for the business yet. Cannon says if youre not a fan of his yet youre deaf, dumb and blind. He doesnt need the fans and has an ace up his sleeve. He looks at Maryse and says make that a queen. Todd: Is he looking at Striker?
Young says hes been at the top the entire time. He shouldnt be on NXT because he was in the main event of Summerslam. Its about time someone brought that up. Young says he should be challenging Cena and that the entire NXT show is a joke. Saxton says he doesnt need to explain why he should be voted for. He got rid of Tatsu last week and the real question is why wouldnt you vote for him. Titus says he is bigger, badder and better than anyone else in the competition. Horny comes out and Young goes after him as Titus saves. Tag team turmoil is next.
Tag Team Turmoil
If youre unfamiliar, the idea is two tag teams start us off and they have a match. The losers are eliminated and the winners advance to face another team. Last team standing wins and there are five total teams. We start with ONeil/Horny vs. Cannon/Kidd and the rookies go first. And yeah, this is rather boring indeed. Horny cant get in due to reasons of HES A FREAKING LEPRECHAUN and my signal cuts out.
Back and its Saxton and Tatsu in there now instead of ONeil and Horny. Apparently there was a commercial in there so at least I didnt miss much. Yoshi takes over on Kidd and its off to Saxton. Cannon grabs a chinlock on him as Maryse is in Cannon and Kidds corner. Yoshi wants in but Saxton wants to do this by himself. Cannon and Kidd keep tagging in and out like an actual team while Saxton is being a big meanie. Id prefer a blue one but you take what you can get I guess.
Cannon channels his inner Flair to use the ropes for two. This is another fine example of the really boring matches these guys have. None of them are particularly good in the ring and none of them are interesting at all. Saxton fights back against Kidd but takes FOREVER on the ropes and jumps into a big boot for the elimination. Kozlov/OBrian are in next. Why do I have a bad feeling theyre going to win here? Theres a break before this next part begins.
It would be nice if the commercials on this show were longer than 45 seconds. You cant do anything in that amount of time. During the break Kozlov send Kidd flying to the floor with a fallaway slam. And because hes like a fungus, heres JTG. Seriously dude, go away. No one likes you and your pets are being sacrificed to Satan. Your friends hate you, your family hates you and youre going to hell. Go away. Did I mention I dont like JTG.
The distraction shifts the momentum again as JTG is on commentary. If it seems like Im not watching the match, its because Im trying to stay awake here. JTG doesnt care who wins this and it takes ten seconds to get through that joke. Cannon stomps away on OBrian as this has been going on nearly 15 minutes now. JTG gets his rookies name wrong because hes an annoying person.
Since were not bored enough, heres a headlock by Cannon to OBrian. Hot tag to Kozlov and much destruction is seen. Iron Curtain ends Cannon and were down to Chavo/Darren Young vs. Kozlov/OBrian. Heres another break because we havent had to sit through enough yet. Back with Kozlov beating on Young as the crowd is SILENT. Off to OBrian who hammers on Young a bit.
Off to an armbar as even the camera guys are bored with this match so they keep the camera on JTG. Chavo comes in to take over and hammers away. Young gets a shot off the top and a two count so lets go BACK to the resthold. They hit heads off a whip into the corner because they hadnt reached a level of boring high enough yet. Double tag brings in the pros and Chavo jumps into a headbutt to the chest.
A spinwheel kick puts Vlad on the floor where Young gets in a shot. OBrian apparently went off to get a hot pretzel because hes not helping here. Back in the ring now for even more slow paced stuff. I can live with a long match like this if its interesting. By that I mean if ANY part of it is interesting but this has been five straight boring NXT matches.
The heels tag in and out a lot as Vlad reverses a double suplex at the twenty five minute mark. And remember, its for a total of three points. OBrian comes in but cant get a pin. Three Amigos take him down but the third is blocked. Vlad is sent to the floor and OBrian hits something like a Saito Suplex for the pin on Young at 26:00, which might be longer than Cody vs. MVP for longest match in NXT history.
Obama ad. I cant stand this anymore.
The Bellas, the chicks that made fat jokes at the expense of a pregnant woman last night, want you to stop bullying. The irony of this campaign never ceases to amaze me.
Saxton is gone. Well of course he is. I mean, he can talk and has a decent look so he has no business being here over a guy as universally talented as Rat Boy right? They make it way too easy to predict whos going home on this show.
Results
Conor OBrian/Vladimir Kozlov won tag team turmoil, last eliminating Chavo Guerrero/Darren Young
Byron Saxton was eliminated in 5th place
Wednesday
Chris Sabin is out until next year with a torn ACL and MCL. Injuries running rampant as we hit summer.
Thursday
Impact
Date: June 2, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Its Thursday, which means its time for Impact. After last weeks less than inspired effort, hopefully tonight there are no 40 minute rests between matches. We have two weeks left before Slammiversary and most of the card seems to be all set up. Id expect more shenanigans from Anderson tonight as far as Sting and more build between Jarrett and Angle because we havent seen enough of that yet right? Lets get to it.
Bischoff arrives and is served legal papers by the Network. Because when you think of wrestling, you think of old men with gray hair, network dealings and legal paperwork right?
We open with a big brawl between Velvet and ODB in the back. Velvet fights back and hits a spear through .a big piece of paper. ODB shouts about Velvet being the reason why ODB doesnt have a job. ODB beats her up and carries her into the Impact Zone, shouting about how Velvet slept her way to her job and all that jazz.
The producers FINALLY come out to break this up and that goes nowhere so ODB rips off the shirt Velvet is wearing so we at least get to see Sky in a bikini which is never a bad thing. After Velvet is left laying and ODB leaves Tessmacher finally comes out to help her. Some friend. This ate up like five minutes total.
AJ and Bully Ray have a confrontation later. Not a match mind you, a confrontation.
Also Jarrett/Steiner vs. Angle/Morgan.
Heres Sting and never mind as its really Anderson again in old school Sting clothes. Hes going to face someone from Stings past tonight and thats about it.
Bischoff is on the phone and Kendrick comes up, saying he wants another shot at Abyss. Kaz has the shot at the PPV apparently but tonight instead its Kaz vs. Kendrick and the winner gets Abyss at Slammiversary.
Bischoff is still on the phone, apparently to Hogan. He actually says SpikeTV instead of The Network for once. He comes into the arena and apparently that was during the break. Hogan will be here later it seems. Bischoff calls down Beer Money and apparently Roode isnt cleared to wrestle at the PPV. Theyre facing the British Invasion apparently. Uh .why? Roode says hell be at the PPV so here comes Alex Shelley.
Apparently Sabin as torn ligaments in his knee and wont be back until 2012. Shelley talks about the best of 5 series that the Guns had last year with Beer Money and how he wants to defend the titles in Roodes place. Bischoff says no way but Shelley has Network authority. They team is now Gun Money apparently. Shouldnt it be Beer Guns or Motor Beer or something?
Matt Hardy vs. Crimson
Crimson is introduced as the undefeated Crimson. Its Crimson vs. Joe at the PPV apparently. Matt gets taken down by a clothesline quickly and sent to the floor for a breather. Very basic match so far as Crimson uses his power and Matt uses his basic offense. A middle rope clothesline puts Crimson down and an elbow gets two. Matt works on the neck which makes sense for a guy whose finisher is the Twist of Hate. Crimson tries to go up but Matt knocks him off and hits a middle rope legdrop for two.
Crimson starts his comeback and hits a double arm DDT for two. His offense is kind of limited for the most part and he doesnt wrestle like the power guy you would think he is based on his looks. Twist of Fate doesnt hit but the Sky High (wasnt that called Red Sky or something last week?) ends this out of nowhere at 6:05.
Joe comes out post match and is speared out of the ring before he can even throw a punch.
Anderson comes up to Young in the back and wants to talk to him. Young has both titles on him still. Apparently the world is clamoring for Young to have seminars to show how to have matches like Young and Gunner had last week. Anderson wants Young to pretend to be Great Muta tonight for the match. This is about respect though, not disrespect, so Young agrees.
Winter tells Angelina that tonight the respect begins again with Tessmacher. Angelina actually talks, saying she remembers a better time when they were loved and alone and they need to go back to that time, which starts tonight. Winter seems thrilled.
Eric gives an emotional speech to Immortal (including the Jarretts for once), saying that he didnt think it would end like this. Hogan will be here later and will explain things. Immortal wants to know what happens to them as Bischoff leaves.
Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love
Love vs. James at the PPV. Tessmacher gets a pair of rollups within the first ten seconds for two each. Angelina starts no selling stuff and hammers away on Tessmacher. Cross body gets two for Tessmacher but Love knocks her to the floor. Side slam is kind of dropped and Angelina rams her into the corner a few times. Tessmacher fires back but takes forever setting up a victory roll and gets countered. A reverse DDT into a backbreaker ends this at 3:35.
Post match Angelina chokes Tessmacher until Winter pulls her off.
Mr. Anderson vs. Eric Young
This is billed as Sting vs. the Not-So-Great Muta. This feud was what, 22 years ago? I know TNA is supposed to be an alternative to the kids show, but anyone under about 25 isnt going to remember the original feud. And yet its somehow better than Disco Inferno last week. Anderson does slow motion Stinger Splashes in the corner while Young stands around. Young goes to leave but Anderson stops him and overacts on everything. Youngs face paint looks like Darth Maul. Splash misses in the corner and Young fights back with a forearm for two.
Belly to belly gets two as does a crucifix. Anderson tries to fight back and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two. Young actually hits the moonsault for two and heres Gunner. The referee makes the stop and it allows Young to spit green mist at Anderson and a small package gets the pin at 3:58. Thats an upset I guess, but not as big a one as theyre making it out to be. The winner is announced as the Not-So-Great Muta.
Gunner and Anderson beat down Young post match until Sting makes the save.
Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian
Winner gets Abyss for the X-Title at the PPV. They shake hands pre-match to establish that theyre both good guys. Very technical back and forth stuff to start us off here as neither guy can get an extended advantage. Release gutwrench suplex puts Kendrick down and we head to the floor. Brian misses a dive and Kaz takes over. Back in the ring a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Kaz.
Kaz takes over completely, hitting a leg lariat for two. Off to a cross arm pulling hold by Kazarian to give them a quick breather. Kendrick gets a kick to the face to switch momentum and a missile dropkick gets two. Moonsault misses for Kendrick but an enziguri puts Kaz down. Sliced Bread #2 is countered into a neckbreaker for two for Kaz. Good match so far.
Fade to Black doesnt work so Kendrick kicks his head off with a superkick. Frog splash gets knees though and a Shining Wizard puts Kendrick on the floor. They trade two counts back in the ring as neither guy can take advantage again. With a rollup the bell rings for a time limit draw at 7:57. Dude, seriously? You cant give them an extra two minutes and three seconds for the sake of people who, I dont know, might have looked at a clock before the match?
Thankfully theyre given five more minutes. They both hit cross bodies at the same time and both guys are down. And never mind as here comes Abyss to beat them both up for the DQ at a minute into the overtime so the total time is approximately 9:00.
Heres AJ to call out Ray. He calls the Impact Zone his house so heres Ray to rebut. Ray says Daniels and AJ didnt beat him last week. They beat Dreamer, who was another weak partner apparently. Ray says that AJ is everything he hates in a modern pro wrestler. Instead of playing on a laptop, AJ needs to be in a strip club, getting a lap dance.
AJ says Ray has a small penis which freaks Ray out. Styles says that a bully is like a bully: you only have to pop it once to get rid of it. A last man standing match is made for Slammiversary. That could be good. Ray asks if AJ knows what hes getting himself into. AJ asks if Ray knows what hes getting into. Not bad here.
Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Matt Morgan/Kurt Angle
They do the Karen in a chair thing to kill some time before the match starts. Actually they completely throw her out. Angle vs. Steiner start but Morgan and Jarrett are tagged in less than five seconds after the bell. Jeff has black in his tights now. Ok lets tag it out again and have Steiner vs. Angle. Theres a minute down in this match. Angle gets a belly to belly and its off to Jarrett again rather quickly.
Theres the ankle lock but Jeff kicks off and Angle tags out also. Headbutt takes Jarrett down and its off to Kurt again. Oh never mind as we need to cut to the back to see Hogan being handed papers by Bischoff. Back and Jeff hits an enziguri on Angle and brings in Steiner. At this point, Impact officially has had more wrestling than NXT had this past week and it only took them an extra hour.
Steiner gets a belly to belly on Angle for two and its off to Jeff again. Lots of tagging in this match. Its Sting/Young vs. Gunner/Anderson next week. Stroke attempt is countered into an ankle lock but Jeff reverses again and both guys are down. Off to Morgan and Steiner with Morgan claiming the advantage in the battle of alliteration.
Michinoku Driver gets two for Morgan as Jarrett saves. Kurt and Jeff fight up the ramp and its an ankle lock on the stage, broken up by Karen. We dont bother watching the ring at this point but Jeff knocks Kurt into Karen and apparently she fell down a flight of stairs. In the ring Steiner pins Morgan at 6:34 with a move we didnt see at all.
Angle yells down at Jeff, saying its Jeffs fault and we need paramedics.
Back and Karen is put in an ambulance as the announcers are all serious.
Here are Bischoff and Hogan. Bischoff talks about Foley and how hes known him for 19 years. Foley could always talk but in the ring he couldnt do much. Foley is a puppet master because hes made a career out of having a sock on his hand. Hogan starts talking now, saying that Eric is his partner and thats all that matters. Hogan opens the paper which he looked at earlier, apparently reading it the first time. He reads the legal issues out loud and Foley is fired apparently. So Bischoff read those papers ALL FREAKING NIGHT and he never saw that part? Hogan and Bischoff hug to end the show.
Results
Crimson b. Matt Hardy Sky High
Angelina Love b. Miss Tessmacher Reverse DDT into a backbreaker
Eric Young b. Mr. Anderson Small Package
Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian went to a no contest when Abyss interfered
Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan Steiner pinned Morgan