klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Emma has injured her back and will need surgery. No word on how long she will be out.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 16, 2016
Location: Greensboro Coliseum Complex, Greensboro, Coliseum
Commentators; John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton
It's the go home show for Extreme Rules 2016 and the only match announced for tonight is the Usos vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows. For those of you not counting, this is the seventh time these teams have been in a match together since April 25, or once for ever Raw/Smackdown in that span. Let's get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here's AJ Styles to open things up. AJ is tired of Roman Reigns lying about him and he shows us TWEETS to prove that Reigns is saying AJ is in league with Anderson and Gallows. Apparently this is getting to him because it's a new era and he's tired of the same old stuff. He didn't need anyone's help to get to the top spot in the Tokyo Dome in front of 60,000 people and he doesn't need anyone's help to get where he'll be on Sunday. Cue Reigns to interrupt to say AJ is indeed phenomenal.
Reigns gets annoyed with a WE WANT ROLLINS chant and says he'll be in the Usos' corner tonight. AJ will be in his buddies' corner and cuts Roman's the guy speech off. Reigns is indeed the guy.....that AJ is going to beat on Sunday. Roman shrugs it off and says he can do everything he wants to on Sunday. That's going to prove that the bloodline (might be the new name for Reigns and the Usos) is stronger than the Club. Cue Gallows and Anderson but the Usos run in as well, only to have Reigns blast AJ in the face to send the Club away.
Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn
Miz and Owens are on commentary for the always brilliant FIVE MAN BOOTH. This is the aftermath of Zayn accidentally kicking Cesaro, his partner at the time, in the face on Smackdown to cost them a match. Cesaro starts fast and powerslams Sami for two but gets sent to the floor, allowing Sami to tease the dive. Instead it's the springboard moonsault back inside as Owens walks off commentary because he doesn't care about this match. Instead Owens goes after Miz and walks off with the Intercontinental Title. Miz goes after Owens to start a brawl and they get inside to draw the no contest at 1:47.
Cue Shane to make it a tag match which they completely couldn't have done in the first place. Oh wait we're not done though as Stephanie comes out to say it would be more interesting if the teams were Miz/Cesaro vs. Sami/Owens and if Owens walks out, he's not in the title match on Sunday.
Cesaro/Miz vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens
Joined in progress with Cesaro escaping Kevin's headlock and trying the Swing. Owens slaps Sami to bring him in to face Miz but Sami and Owens keep yelling at each other. One such argument results in Sami being knocked off the apron and into the barricade, which seems to bang up his shoulder as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting the running corner clothesline on Sami and bringing in Cesaro to pick the bones with a running clothesline of his own (not a splash Cole, you dingbat).
Miz comes back in and punches Sami into the corner for the tag off to Owens for the big face comeback. There is money in a face run from Owens with him destroying everyone in sight and being built up for a big match. Cesaro comes in for the running uppercuts as everything breaks down. Miz sends Cesaro out to the floor to try his own Swing, only to have Cesaro give Miz the Skull Crushing Finale. The Helluva Kick puts Miz away at 10:47.
Owens lays Sami out post match and insists that his hand be raised because he won too.
Chris Jericho is furious at Dean for destroying a jacket more iconic to the WWE than Andre the Giant. He should call the cops but he'll deal with this himself.
Video on Apollo Crews.
Shining Stars vs. Scott Jackson/Brian Kennedy
The jobbers are Corey Hollis/John Skyler from NXT. The Shining Stars are Primo/Epico as wrestling travelogues from Puerto Rico. JBL: THEY'RE FINALLY HERE! Primo says the ring is their paradise and they welcome tourists like these people from right here in North Carolina. Primo grabs Jackson to start before it's off to Epico for two suplexes into a brainbuster. A hard shot to the face drops Kennedy and a butterfly suplex into a gutbuster makes things even worse. The Shining Star (Total Elimination) puts Kennedy away at 1:35.
The Shining Stars invite us to Puerto Rico.
Here's Dean Ambrose, sporting a black eye, to call out Jericho. Chris is right there to tell Dean to shut his mouth. Jericho demands an apology to go with fifteen grand but first Chris has to tell the fans to be quiet. The apology isn't happening because Dean wants a match at Extreme Rules. Jericho: Just as I expected. The match is on but Dean doesn't know if Jericho is up to getting extreme anymore.
Jericho lists off his resume and accepts, so Dean has a cage lowered. BOY, IT'S A GOOD THING THAT WAS READY AND COMPLETELY NOT NOTICED ALL NIGHT LONG. There are weapons attached to the cage (including a mop and a potted plant), which Dean has dubbed the Asylum. Dean gives a long speech about how violent this is going to be while the announcers act like there has never been a match like this before. Yeah a weapons cage match is such an insane idea, though to be fair I'd try to forget the Extreme Elimination Chamber as well.
We recap the opening sequence.
Dana Brooke insults some people for not being in good enough shape.
Dana Brooke vs. Becky Lynch
In case their match on Smackdown wasn't bad enough for you. No Emma here as she's legitimately injured, which the announcers actually acknowledge. Becky kicks her out to the floor but Dana sends her head first into the barricade. A modified seated abdominal stretch has Becky in trouble but she comes back with the Bexploder. Dana counters a sunset flip out of the corner and sits down for the pin at 3:45.
We get the same Life Lesson with Bob Backlund from Smackdown with Backlund not understanding smartphones and telling Darren to put his desktop on the desk and his mail in the mailbox. In other words, there's still no reason to watch Smackdown.
Shane and Stephanie are watching the Backlund ad when Stephanie gets annoyed at him for not bringing up the Asylum match. The Dudley Boyz come in to mention the Attitude Era, which gets one of them a match with Colin Cassady.
Video on Golden Truth FINALLY getting together after five months, capped off by this past Thursday when Fandango and Tyler Breeze turned on them.
Golden Truth vs. Breezango
Truth goes after Breeze to start but gets knocked down in the corner, allowing Fandango to come in and smash him in the face. A double clothesline puts both guys down so it's off to Goldust vs. Breeze. Goldust starts cleaning house and everything breaks down, only to have Truth kick Goldust by mistake, allowing Breeze to get the pin at 1:58. For some reason the loss was very entertaining.
Post break Goldust doesn't think the team has any future. Truth thinks they need to get the creative juices flowing and that they need to get their fing shooie in line. Everyone wants the Golden Truth but here are Breeze and Fandango to say the new era is passing them by. That's enough to convince Goldust to stick with it.
Here's New Day for a chat and there's something under a curtain behind them. They're not sure what's up with the Vaudevillains being from a new era.....so Woods has built a time machine. Big E: That's clearly an old refrigerator box. Woods: IT'S THE NEW DAYLOREAN! Big E. thinks the keyboard is from Woods' parents house. Big E.: WHY IS IT STICKY???
They get inside and Kofi comes out to his SOS theme with a Jamaican accent. Woods pulls him back in, despite Kofi's protests that 2009 was his best year. They come back out (after a lot of whirring noises and the camera going wonky) in black and white with a box of Derriere Squares and broken smart phones. Woods realizes this means there are no video games so Big E. shouts that they shouldn't be here. Cue the Vaudevillains to beat them down, ending a hilarious segment WAY too early.
Usos vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows
Reigns and AJ are at ringside. No Siva Tao for the Usos which is really odd to see. Jimmy superkicks Anderson to start and Gallows is knocked to the floor as well, giving us a meeting on the floor but not a break. Anderson takes over on Jimmy back inside, setting up a legdrop and chinlock for two. Something resembling a Whisper in the Wind puts Gallows down on the floor and Jimmy dives off the steps to drop him again. Anderson decks Jimmy and we get a lot of shouting to take us to a break.
Back with Luke crotching himself on the top rope and Anderson getting backdropped to the floor. Jey gets the tag and dives onto both of them, followed by the running Umaga Attack for two. Anderson breaks up a superplex attempt but charges into a spinebuster for two. Karl tries to run the ropes but eats a superkick with Gallows making the save. Gallows eats another superkick, followed by back to back double superkicks. The Superfly Splash ends Gallows at 12:48.
Post match the brawl keeps going with the tag teams being sent out to the floor. AJ picks up the chair but Reigns punches it out of his hands. Gallows and Anderson interfere but Roman drops them, allowing AJ to beat on Reigns with the chair, including a Styles Clash onto the chair.
Big Cass vs. D-Von Dudley
Before the match, Cass implies that D-Von is Steve Urkel. Bubba loads up an early table but gets on the apron for some near heel miscommunication. The East River Crossing puts D-Von away at 58 seconds.
Cass does S-A-W-F-T post match and you can see Enzo's value deteriorating every second.
John Cena return video.
Kalisto vs. Alberto Del Rio
Non-title and Kalisto slips on the way to the ring. Del Rio goes after the mask to start before sending Kalisto outside. Kalisto comes back and tries a hurricanrana off the apron, only to get caught and swung into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Kalisto taking a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker so Del Rio can show off the biceps. We see Sin Cara watching in the back as Rusev blasts him in the back with a stick.
Del Rio forces Kalisto to watch the beating on the screen before going HARD into the post off a missed charge. Alberto takes way too long for the top rope double stomp though and Kalisto comes back with a top rope hurricanrana. Cue Rusev kicking Cara down the aisle as Kalisto springboards into a seated senton. The hurricanrana driver gets two but the Rusev distraction lets Del Rio get in a Backstabber for the pin at 11:12.
Rusev kicks Kalisto in the back of the head and gives him a PAINFUL look Accolade post match.
Here are Shane and Stephanie to moderate the Women's Title contract signing in the closing segment. They introduce Charlotte but Ric Flair comes out for the big hyped up introduction. Charlotte thanks her dad for the speech and wants to sign but Shane brings out Natalya. Getting her history wrong, Natalya says Charlotte beat her before without Ric in her corner (Ric and Bret were at ringside for that match).
Charlotte goes on a rant about how this is her city and how everyone loves her because her last name is Flair. Ric starts WOOing but Charlotte actually cuts her off. The champ goes to sign the contract but there's a clause saying that Charlotte forfeits the title if Ric takes one step down the aisle.
Cue security to drag Ric away and if he doesn't leave, the title is forfeited right now. Ric yells at Stephanie and calls her the worst businesswoman of all time. It's time to fight Shane and the fans go nuts, only to have Stephanie slap Ric instead. Now security takes him out but Natalya has to save Stephanie from Charlotte. The champ is put in the Sharpshooter and taps out to end the show.
Results
Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn went to a no contest when Kevin Owens and Miz interfered
Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens b. Cesaro/The Miz Helluva Kick to Miz
Shining Stars b. Scott Jackson/Brian Kennedy Shining Star to Kennedy
Dana Brooke b. Becky Lynch Rollup
Breezango b. Golden Truth Breeze pinned Goldust after R-Truth accidentally kicked him
Usos b. Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson Superfly Splash to Gallows
Alberto Del Rio b. Kalisto Backstabber
Tuesday
Impact Wrestling
Date: May 17, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
We're getting closer to Slammiversary and one of the big questions coming out of last week is who is behind the Willow mask. Someone attacked Jeff Hardy last week while dressed as Jeff's old alter ego in an attempt to take him out for good. Presumably this is the same person who sent Decay after Jeff two weeks ago. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Lashley attacking Drew Galloway a few weeks back. They fight for the World Title tonight but a fight broke out in the empty arena as they arrived earlier.
Here's Willow to get things going. Josh: The creation of the imagination of the mind of Jeff Hardy. After the announcers talk about how Willow has come to life, he cackles about how he's finally free. Cue Jeff Hardy to ask if Willow loves or hates before hammering away on him.
Jeff Hardy vs. Willow
Some right hands stagger Willow but he comes back with a Twist of Hate. The Twist of Fate puts Willow away at 39 seconds.
Jeff goes for the mask but here's a bigger (though only average size) Willow to attack Jeff with the umbrella. A third Willow, clearly bigger than the other two, comes down the ramp to say something about giving Jeff his worst nightmare (the audio was very hard to understand).
Post break, Willow takes his mask off to reveal Matt Hardy. Matt talks about how Nero (Jeff's middle name) got over because of Matt's genius. A few weeks back, Jeff didn't finish the job when he took Matt out so now it's time to put Matt through his own personal nightmare. Matt chokes him out again and we're finally done. If Matt being Willow surprised you in any way, shape or form, you haven't been paying attention.
Velvet Sky is in the back where she was supposed to meet Maria. Instead there's a newcomer named Allie, who is Maria's bubbly new personal assistant (played by indy wrestler Cherry Bomb). Apparently Velvet is facing Sienna tonight and if she loses she's fired.
Dixie Carter makes the World Title match a lumberjack match.
Velvet Sky vs. Sienna
Sienna rolls her up for a quick near fall before beating her into the corner. Velvet gets the same result off the same move before a running neckbreaker gives her another near fall. Not that it matters as Sienna puts Velvet on her shoulders for the spinning faceplant and the pin at 3:22.
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis are sitting by their pool with Maria getting up and diving in for a swim. After the very gratuitous shots of her, she sits back down with Mike talking about how he wants to be the best of all time in TNA. Maria is going to get some sun and then they're going to head to the Impact Zone.
Here are Mike and Maria in the ring for a chat. Mike talks about how Ethan Carter III needs his road to redemption and if he loses once, there's no rematch. Tonight, Ethan has an opponent who has been around the world and is very well known for his black and white. Therefore, get out here EARL HEBNER! Earl comes out and Mike wants to fight him tonight, Hall of Famer vs. future Hall of Famer. Another referee comes out and Mike begs Earl to fight him, eventually getting himself a punch to the face. The bell rings.
Mike Bennett vs. Earl Hebner
One punch drops Earl and Mike takes his shirt off.....for a two count. Yes Earl actually kicked out and for some reason it's the funniest thing I've seen on TNA in months. Earl hits the worst low blow in years but Maria goes after him. Earl actually takes his shirt off, earning himself a boot to the face for the pin at 1:49. I really shouldn't be laughing at this but it was HILARIOUS.
Post match Ethan Carter III runs out for the save but Mike has an opponent for him. That would be Tyrus, who attacks Ethan from behind, kicking off a last man standing match.
Ethan Carter III vs. Tyrus
Last man standing and joined in progress with Tyrus holding a nerve hold. Tyrus goes outside to get a chair but makes the mistake of wedging it in the corner, which means he goes head first into it instead. A trio of Stinger Splashes in the corner don't do much damage to Tyrus so Ethan avoids a splash in the corner, setting up a high cross body. Carter hits him in the back with a chair for a nine so it's time to set up two chairs.
Tyrus suplexes him through them for a close call and it's table time. Tyrus misses a Vader Bomb and only hits table but still gets up. Ethan grabs a chair but gets sent flying off a suplex. A spike to the neck sends Carter to the floor for an eight and a Big Ending on the ramp gets nine. With nothing else working, Ethan grabs a piece of the barricade but Carter elbows him in the head and drops Tyrus onto the barricade. Ethan puts the steps on him and then beats the steps with a chair for the win at 10:48.
Mike Bennett comes out and looks at Ethan.
Lashley training video.
Jeff Hardy says Matt took his own creation and promises to finish this at Slammiversary.
Eddie Edwards/DJZ vs. Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee
It's all over the place to start until we settle down to DJZ sending Everett into the corner. A chase on the floor ends with Lee kicking DJZ in the face to take over with a near fall inside. It's off to Edwards as things break down with Eddie's Backpack Stunner getting two on Everett. Andrew's moonsault hits a raised boot and Eddie takes the champ down on the floor, leaving DJZ to hit a jumping DDT for the pin on Everett at 5:13.
Galloway training video.
It's time for Fact of Life with Eli Drake. After calling some people dummies, Drake says he can change the world with this Feast or Fired briefcase. This brings him to his guest tonight, the future former King of the Mountain Champion, Bram. The champ says the briefcase may be dangerous but Drake himself isn't. That earns him a DUMMY, YEAH as Drake talks about how he's going to win the title one way or another so Bram could just hand him the title right now. Bram thinks he should just rip out Drake's throat so Eli leaves. Bram questions Drake's manhood and a fight breaks out with Bram standing tall.
Ethan wants his match with Bennett tonight but Bennett says there's one more match for Ethan first. That would be against Matt Hardy next week and Matt is a lot more nuts than when he took the title from Carter in the first place.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Lashley
Lashley is challenging and this is a lumberjack match. They lock up to start with Lashley taking him into the corner until a big boot puts Lashley down. The spear out of nowhere sends Drew outside though and we take a break. Back with Galloway being sent out to the floor before Lashley suplexes him again.
We hit a quickly broken chinlock before Drew starts slugging away, followed by a neckbreaker for a breather. A top rope clothesline drops Lashley but the Future Shock is broken up. Something like a chokeslam gets two for Lashley but Drew grabs the Celtic Cross. The Claymore is loaded up but the lumberjacks pull Drew outside for the DQ at 11:53.
Post match the lumberjacks fight with DJZ hitting a dive to take out a bunch of them. Trevor Lee does the same thing before Eddie Edwards superplexes Everett onto the pile. Bram knees Lashley but Drake hits him in the back with the briefcase. Cue Jeff Hardy to take Eli down but Matt breaks up the Swanton. Bennett throws Drake to the floor but here's Carter to chase him off, only to eat a spear. Drew gives Lashley the Claymore and flips onto the lumberjacks to end the show.
Results
Jeff Hardy b. Willow Twist of Fate
Sienna b. Velvet Sky Spinning faceplant
Mike Bennett b. Earl Hebner Big boot
Ethan Carter III b. Tyrus when Tyrus couldn't answer the ten count
DJZ/Eddie Edwards b. Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett Jumping DDT to Everett
Drew Galloway b. Lashley via DQ when the lumberjacks interfered
Wednesday
NXT
Date: May 18, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
We're three weeks away from Takeover and the main event has been announced as Samoa Joe defending the NXT Title against Finn Balor, but this time it's going to be taking place inside a steel cage. That's never been done before in NXT and it should be interesting to see how NXT builds up to such a match. Let's get to it.
We open with a video on Nia Jax vs. Bayley from London last year with Nia saying she would destroy Bayley in a rematch, which takes place tonight.
Opening sequence.
Blake and Murphy vs. Austin Aries/???
Aries has a mystery partner after Blake and Murphy interrupted him last week. The partner is......Shinsuke Nakamura. Alexa Bliss is certainly not happy with this development. Blake and Murphy aren't sure who should start so Aries dropkicks Murphy in the corner for an early two. It's off to Nakamura for the shaky choke in the corner (which Tom calls Good Vibrations) before he puts Murphy on his knees for a slingshot elbow from Aries. Shinsuke actually stares Blake off the apron before suplexing Murphy down. Aries reaches over for the tag but Nakamura intentionally doesn't tag, setting up Kinshasa to end Murphy at 2:47.
Post match Alexa walks out on the team. Murphy walks out on Blake.
Bayley says she isn't going to let Nia Jax bully her way into whatever she wants because it's going to be a repeat of London. After that, it's time to get the Women's Title back.
Video on Asuka with a band playing a song. You don't see that too often.
No Way Jose talks about how much he loves smiling and how much energy he has. Some people might not like him but it's time for a fiesta. He's here to fight, but first it's time for some dancing.
Carmella misses Enzo and Cass but wants to be Women's Champion.
Carmella vs. Peyton Royce
Peyton is definitely one of the more sexualized women around here as she does a very slow crawl over the ropes to get inside. Carmella is actually taken down to start for some elbows into the neck. We hit an early chinlock before Peyton sweeps the leg to keep control. Two Amigos into a PerfectPlex gets two on Carmella but a few elbows and a Thesz press take Peyton down. A hurricanrana sets up the Bronco Buster and the leg crossface makes Peyton tap at 3:36.
Clip of Finn Balor and Samoa Joe getting in a huge brawl at a house show on Saturday with the locker room having to break it up.
General Manager William Regal has made their match a steel cage match and we see the contract signing with both of them saying it ends at Takeover.
Blake and Murphy beg Alexa to take them back but she says it's going to be easier to win the Women's Title without 470lbs of weight on her back.
Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa vs. Rob Ryzin/Danny Burch
Gargano and Burch start things off as the fans chant TERRA-RYZIN. That's the most interesting part of the beginning as it's quickly off to Burch vs. Ciampa, one of whom is dubbed a psycho killer. Burch runs him over with a clothesline for two before Ciampa shrugs off both jobbers' offense. Gargano comes in with some clotheslines of his own and slingshots through the ropes for a spear. A running knee from Ciampa and a superkick from Gargano put Ryzin away at 5:00.
Speaking of American Alpha, Regal say they'll be facing the Revival at Takeover.
Bayley vs. Nia Jax
Nia easily shoves her away to start so Bayley gets on Nia's back for a choke. Bayley gets thrown around with ease with almost none of her offense having any effect. A few whips into the corner have Bayley reeling and she goes chest first into the middle turnbuckle as we take a break.
Back with Nia holding her in a reverse chinlock before going after Bayley's arm. Off to a cobra clutch on Bayley, followed by a clothesline to the back of the head for two. Nia switches it up into an arm trap bearhug, only to have Bayley escape and avoid a charge in the corner.
Some kicks to the legs and another dodged charge sends Nia outside, followed by a hurricanrana off the apron. Back in and the Bayley to Belly doesn't work so she settles for a DDT instead. Bayley grabs the guillotine but Nia shoves her off and Bayley comes up with a bad limp. The legdrop onto the leg sets up the regular legdrop for the pin on Bayley at 16:17.
Bayley's leg is checked on to end the show.
Results
Austin Aries/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Blake and Murphy Kinshasa to Murphy
Carmella b. Peyton Royce Leg crossface
Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa b. Danny Burch/Rob Ryzin Running knee/superkick combination to Ryzin
Nia Jax b. Bayley Legdrop
Emma has injured her back and will need surgery. No word on how long she will be out.
Monday Night Raw
Date: May 16, 2016
Location: Greensboro Coliseum Complex, Greensboro, Coliseum
Commentators; John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Byron Saxton
It's the go home show for Extreme Rules 2016 and the only match announced for tonight is the Usos vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows. For those of you not counting, this is the seventh time these teams have been in a match together since April 25, or once for ever Raw/Smackdown in that span. Let's get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here's AJ Styles to open things up. AJ is tired of Roman Reigns lying about him and he shows us TWEETS to prove that Reigns is saying AJ is in league with Anderson and Gallows. Apparently this is getting to him because it's a new era and he's tired of the same old stuff. He didn't need anyone's help to get to the top spot in the Tokyo Dome in front of 60,000 people and he doesn't need anyone's help to get where he'll be on Sunday. Cue Reigns to interrupt to say AJ is indeed phenomenal.
Reigns gets annoyed with a WE WANT ROLLINS chant and says he'll be in the Usos' corner tonight. AJ will be in his buddies' corner and cuts Roman's the guy speech off. Reigns is indeed the guy.....that AJ is going to beat on Sunday. Roman shrugs it off and says he can do everything he wants to on Sunday. That's going to prove that the bloodline (might be the new name for Reigns and the Usos) is stronger than the Club. Cue Gallows and Anderson but the Usos run in as well, only to have Reigns blast AJ in the face to send the Club away.
Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn
Miz and Owens are on commentary for the always brilliant FIVE MAN BOOTH. This is the aftermath of Zayn accidentally kicking Cesaro, his partner at the time, in the face on Smackdown to cost them a match. Cesaro starts fast and powerslams Sami for two but gets sent to the floor, allowing Sami to tease the dive. Instead it's the springboard moonsault back inside as Owens walks off commentary because he doesn't care about this match. Instead Owens goes after Miz and walks off with the Intercontinental Title. Miz goes after Owens to start a brawl and they get inside to draw the no contest at 1:47.
Cue Shane to make it a tag match which they completely couldn't have done in the first place. Oh wait we're not done though as Stephanie comes out to say it would be more interesting if the teams were Miz/Cesaro vs. Sami/Owens and if Owens walks out, he's not in the title match on Sunday.
Cesaro/Miz vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens
Joined in progress with Cesaro escaping Kevin's headlock and trying the Swing. Owens slaps Sami to bring him in to face Miz but Sami and Owens keep yelling at each other. One such argument results in Sami being knocked off the apron and into the barricade, which seems to bang up his shoulder as we take a break. Back with Miz hitting the running corner clothesline on Sami and bringing in Cesaro to pick the bones with a running clothesline of his own (not a splash Cole, you dingbat).
Miz comes back in and punches Sami into the corner for the tag off to Owens for the big face comeback. There is money in a face run from Owens with him destroying everyone in sight and being built up for a big match. Cesaro comes in for the running uppercuts as everything breaks down. Miz sends Cesaro out to the floor to try his own Swing, only to have Cesaro give Miz the Skull Crushing Finale. The Helluva Kick puts Miz away at 10:47.
Owens lays Sami out post match and insists that his hand be raised because he won too.
Chris Jericho is furious at Dean for destroying a jacket more iconic to the WWE than Andre the Giant. He should call the cops but he'll deal with this himself.
Video on Apollo Crews.
Shining Stars vs. Scott Jackson/Brian Kennedy
The jobbers are Corey Hollis/John Skyler from NXT. The Shining Stars are Primo/Epico as wrestling travelogues from Puerto Rico. JBL: THEY'RE FINALLY HERE! Primo says the ring is their paradise and they welcome tourists like these people from right here in North Carolina. Primo grabs Jackson to start before it's off to Epico for two suplexes into a brainbuster. A hard shot to the face drops Kennedy and a butterfly suplex into a gutbuster makes things even worse. The Shining Star (Total Elimination) puts Kennedy away at 1:35.
The Shining Stars invite us to Puerto Rico.
Here's Dean Ambrose, sporting a black eye, to call out Jericho. Chris is right there to tell Dean to shut his mouth. Jericho demands an apology to go with fifteen grand but first Chris has to tell the fans to be quiet. The apology isn't happening because Dean wants a match at Extreme Rules. Jericho: Just as I expected. The match is on but Dean doesn't know if Jericho is up to getting extreme anymore.
Jericho lists off his resume and accepts, so Dean has a cage lowered. BOY, IT'S A GOOD THING THAT WAS READY AND COMPLETELY NOT NOTICED ALL NIGHT LONG. There are weapons attached to the cage (including a mop and a potted plant), which Dean has dubbed the Asylum. Dean gives a long speech about how violent this is going to be while the announcers act like there has never been a match like this before. Yeah a weapons cage match is such an insane idea, though to be fair I'd try to forget the Extreme Elimination Chamber as well.
We recap the opening sequence.
Dana Brooke insults some people for not being in good enough shape.
Dana Brooke vs. Becky Lynch
In case their match on Smackdown wasn't bad enough for you. No Emma here as she's legitimately injured, which the announcers actually acknowledge. Becky kicks her out to the floor but Dana sends her head first into the barricade. A modified seated abdominal stretch has Becky in trouble but she comes back with the Bexploder. Dana counters a sunset flip out of the corner and sits down for the pin at 3:45.
We get the same Life Lesson with Bob Backlund from Smackdown with Backlund not understanding smartphones and telling Darren to put his desktop on the desk and his mail in the mailbox. In other words, there's still no reason to watch Smackdown.
Shane and Stephanie are watching the Backlund ad when Stephanie gets annoyed at him for not bringing up the Asylum match. The Dudley Boyz come in to mention the Attitude Era, which gets one of them a match with Colin Cassady.
Video on Golden Truth FINALLY getting together after five months, capped off by this past Thursday when Fandango and Tyler Breeze turned on them.
Golden Truth vs. Breezango
Truth goes after Breeze to start but gets knocked down in the corner, allowing Fandango to come in and smash him in the face. A double clothesline puts both guys down so it's off to Goldust vs. Breeze. Goldust starts cleaning house and everything breaks down, only to have Truth kick Goldust by mistake, allowing Breeze to get the pin at 1:58. For some reason the loss was very entertaining.
Post break Goldust doesn't think the team has any future. Truth thinks they need to get the creative juices flowing and that they need to get their fing shooie in line. Everyone wants the Golden Truth but here are Breeze and Fandango to say the new era is passing them by. That's enough to convince Goldust to stick with it.
Here's New Day for a chat and there's something under a curtain behind them. They're not sure what's up with the Vaudevillains being from a new era.....so Woods has built a time machine. Big E: That's clearly an old refrigerator box. Woods: IT'S THE NEW DAYLOREAN! Big E. thinks the keyboard is from Woods' parents house. Big E.: WHY IS IT STICKY???
They get inside and Kofi comes out to his SOS theme with a Jamaican accent. Woods pulls him back in, despite Kofi's protests that 2009 was his best year. They come back out (after a lot of whirring noises and the camera going wonky) in black and white with a box of Derriere Squares and broken smart phones. Woods realizes this means there are no video games so Big E. shouts that they shouldn't be here. Cue the Vaudevillains to beat them down, ending a hilarious segment WAY too early.
Usos vs. Karl Anderson/Luke Gallows
Reigns and AJ are at ringside. No Siva Tao for the Usos which is really odd to see. Jimmy superkicks Anderson to start and Gallows is knocked to the floor as well, giving us a meeting on the floor but not a break. Anderson takes over on Jimmy back inside, setting up a legdrop and chinlock for two. Something resembling a Whisper in the Wind puts Gallows down on the floor and Jimmy dives off the steps to drop him again. Anderson decks Jimmy and we get a lot of shouting to take us to a break.
Back with Luke crotching himself on the top rope and Anderson getting backdropped to the floor. Jey gets the tag and dives onto both of them, followed by the running Umaga Attack for two. Anderson breaks up a superplex attempt but charges into a spinebuster for two. Karl tries to run the ropes but eats a superkick with Gallows making the save. Gallows eats another superkick, followed by back to back double superkicks. The Superfly Splash ends Gallows at 12:48.
Post match the brawl keeps going with the tag teams being sent out to the floor. AJ picks up the chair but Reigns punches it out of his hands. Gallows and Anderson interfere but Roman drops them, allowing AJ to beat on Reigns with the chair, including a Styles Clash onto the chair.
Big Cass vs. D-Von Dudley
Before the match, Cass implies that D-Von is Steve Urkel. Bubba loads up an early table but gets on the apron for some near heel miscommunication. The East River Crossing puts D-Von away at 58 seconds.
Cass does S-A-W-F-T post match and you can see Enzo's value deteriorating every second.
John Cena return video.
Kalisto vs. Alberto Del Rio
Non-title and Kalisto slips on the way to the ring. Del Rio goes after the mask to start before sending Kalisto outside. Kalisto comes back and tries a hurricanrana off the apron, only to get caught and swung into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Kalisto taking a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker so Del Rio can show off the biceps. We see Sin Cara watching in the back as Rusev blasts him in the back with a stick.
Del Rio forces Kalisto to watch the beating on the screen before going HARD into the post off a missed charge. Alberto takes way too long for the top rope double stomp though and Kalisto comes back with a top rope hurricanrana. Cue Rusev kicking Cara down the aisle as Kalisto springboards into a seated senton. The hurricanrana driver gets two but the Rusev distraction lets Del Rio get in a Backstabber for the pin at 11:12.
Rusev kicks Kalisto in the back of the head and gives him a PAINFUL look Accolade post match.
Here are Shane and Stephanie to moderate the Women's Title contract signing in the closing segment. They introduce Charlotte but Ric Flair comes out for the big hyped up introduction. Charlotte thanks her dad for the speech and wants to sign but Shane brings out Natalya. Getting her history wrong, Natalya says Charlotte beat her before without Ric in her corner (Ric and Bret were at ringside for that match).
Charlotte goes on a rant about how this is her city and how everyone loves her because her last name is Flair. Ric starts WOOing but Charlotte actually cuts her off. The champ goes to sign the contract but there's a clause saying that Charlotte forfeits the title if Ric takes one step down the aisle.
Cue security to drag Ric away and if he doesn't leave, the title is forfeited right now. Ric yells at Stephanie and calls her the worst businesswoman of all time. It's time to fight Shane and the fans go nuts, only to have Stephanie slap Ric instead. Now security takes him out but Natalya has to save Stephanie from Charlotte. The champ is put in the Sharpshooter and taps out to end the show.
Results
Cesaro vs. Sami Zayn went to a no contest when Kevin Owens and Miz interfered
Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens b. Cesaro/The Miz Helluva Kick to Miz
Shining Stars b. Scott Jackson/Brian Kennedy Shining Star to Kennedy
Dana Brooke b. Becky Lynch Rollup
Breezango b. Golden Truth Breeze pinned Goldust after R-Truth accidentally kicked him
Usos b. Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson Superfly Splash to Gallows
Alberto Del Rio b. Kalisto Backstabber
Tuesday
Impact Wrestling
Date: May 17, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
We're getting closer to Slammiversary and one of the big questions coming out of last week is who is behind the Willow mask. Someone attacked Jeff Hardy last week while dressed as Jeff's old alter ego in an attempt to take him out for good. Presumably this is the same person who sent Decay after Jeff two weeks ago. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Lashley attacking Drew Galloway a few weeks back. They fight for the World Title tonight but a fight broke out in the empty arena as they arrived earlier.
Here's Willow to get things going. Josh: The creation of the imagination of the mind of Jeff Hardy. After the announcers talk about how Willow has come to life, he cackles about how he's finally free. Cue Jeff Hardy to ask if Willow loves or hates before hammering away on him.
Jeff Hardy vs. Willow
Some right hands stagger Willow but he comes back with a Twist of Hate. The Twist of Fate puts Willow away at 39 seconds.
Jeff goes for the mask but here's a bigger (though only average size) Willow to attack Jeff with the umbrella. A third Willow, clearly bigger than the other two, comes down the ramp to say something about giving Jeff his worst nightmare (the audio was very hard to understand).
Post break, Willow takes his mask off to reveal Matt Hardy. Matt talks about how Nero (Jeff's middle name) got over because of Matt's genius. A few weeks back, Jeff didn't finish the job when he took Matt out so now it's time to put Matt through his own personal nightmare. Matt chokes him out again and we're finally done. If Matt being Willow surprised you in any way, shape or form, you haven't been paying attention.
Velvet Sky is in the back where she was supposed to meet Maria. Instead there's a newcomer named Allie, who is Maria's bubbly new personal assistant (played by indy wrestler Cherry Bomb). Apparently Velvet is facing Sienna tonight and if she loses she's fired.
Dixie Carter makes the World Title match a lumberjack match.
Velvet Sky vs. Sienna
Sienna rolls her up for a quick near fall before beating her into the corner. Velvet gets the same result off the same move before a running neckbreaker gives her another near fall. Not that it matters as Sienna puts Velvet on her shoulders for the spinning faceplant and the pin at 3:22.
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis are sitting by their pool with Maria getting up and diving in for a swim. After the very gratuitous shots of her, she sits back down with Mike talking about how he wants to be the best of all time in TNA. Maria is going to get some sun and then they're going to head to the Impact Zone.
Here are Mike and Maria in the ring for a chat. Mike talks about how Ethan Carter III needs his road to redemption and if he loses once, there's no rematch. Tonight, Ethan has an opponent who has been around the world and is very well known for his black and white. Therefore, get out here EARL HEBNER! Earl comes out and Mike wants to fight him tonight, Hall of Famer vs. future Hall of Famer. Another referee comes out and Mike begs Earl to fight him, eventually getting himself a punch to the face. The bell rings.
Mike Bennett vs. Earl Hebner
One punch drops Earl and Mike takes his shirt off.....for a two count. Yes Earl actually kicked out and for some reason it's the funniest thing I've seen on TNA in months. Earl hits the worst low blow in years but Maria goes after him. Earl actually takes his shirt off, earning himself a boot to the face for the pin at 1:49. I really shouldn't be laughing at this but it was HILARIOUS.
Post match Ethan Carter III runs out for the save but Mike has an opponent for him. That would be Tyrus, who attacks Ethan from behind, kicking off a last man standing match.
Ethan Carter III vs. Tyrus
Last man standing and joined in progress with Tyrus holding a nerve hold. Tyrus goes outside to get a chair but makes the mistake of wedging it in the corner, which means he goes head first into it instead. A trio of Stinger Splashes in the corner don't do much damage to Tyrus so Ethan avoids a splash in the corner, setting up a high cross body. Carter hits him in the back with a chair for a nine so it's time to set up two chairs.
Tyrus suplexes him through them for a close call and it's table time. Tyrus misses a Vader Bomb and only hits table but still gets up. Ethan grabs a chair but gets sent flying off a suplex. A spike to the neck sends Carter to the floor for an eight and a Big Ending on the ramp gets nine. With nothing else working, Ethan grabs a piece of the barricade but Carter elbows him in the head and drops Tyrus onto the barricade. Ethan puts the steps on him and then beats the steps with a chair for the win at 10:48.
Mike Bennett comes out and looks at Ethan.
Lashley training video.
Jeff Hardy says Matt took his own creation and promises to finish this at Slammiversary.
Eddie Edwards/DJZ vs. Andrew Everett/Trevor Lee
It's all over the place to start until we settle down to DJZ sending Everett into the corner. A chase on the floor ends with Lee kicking DJZ in the face to take over with a near fall inside. It's off to Edwards as things break down with Eddie's Backpack Stunner getting two on Everett. Andrew's moonsault hits a raised boot and Eddie takes the champ down on the floor, leaving DJZ to hit a jumping DDT for the pin on Everett at 5:13.
Galloway training video.
It's time for Fact of Life with Eli Drake. After calling some people dummies, Drake says he can change the world with this Feast or Fired briefcase. This brings him to his guest tonight, the future former King of the Mountain Champion, Bram. The champ says the briefcase may be dangerous but Drake himself isn't. That earns him a DUMMY, YEAH as Drake talks about how he's going to win the title one way or another so Bram could just hand him the title right now. Bram thinks he should just rip out Drake's throat so Eli leaves. Bram questions Drake's manhood and a fight breaks out with Bram standing tall.
Ethan wants his match with Bennett tonight but Bennett says there's one more match for Ethan first. That would be against Matt Hardy next week and Matt is a lot more nuts than when he took the title from Carter in the first place.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Lashley
Lashley is challenging and this is a lumberjack match. They lock up to start with Lashley taking him into the corner until a big boot puts Lashley down. The spear out of nowhere sends Drew outside though and we take a break. Back with Galloway being sent out to the floor before Lashley suplexes him again.
We hit a quickly broken chinlock before Drew starts slugging away, followed by a neckbreaker for a breather. A top rope clothesline drops Lashley but the Future Shock is broken up. Something like a chokeslam gets two for Lashley but Drew grabs the Celtic Cross. The Claymore is loaded up but the lumberjacks pull Drew outside for the DQ at 11:53.
Post match the lumberjacks fight with DJZ hitting a dive to take out a bunch of them. Trevor Lee does the same thing before Eddie Edwards superplexes Everett onto the pile. Bram knees Lashley but Drake hits him in the back with the briefcase. Cue Jeff Hardy to take Eli down but Matt breaks up the Swanton. Bennett throws Drake to the floor but here's Carter to chase him off, only to eat a spear. Drew gives Lashley the Claymore and flips onto the lumberjacks to end the show.
Results
Jeff Hardy b. Willow Twist of Fate
Sienna b. Velvet Sky Spinning faceplant
Mike Bennett b. Earl Hebner Big boot
Ethan Carter III b. Tyrus when Tyrus couldn't answer the ten count
DJZ/Eddie Edwards b. Trevor Lee/Andrew Everett Jumping DDT to Everett
Drew Galloway b. Lashley via DQ when the lumberjacks interfered
Wednesday
NXT
Date: May 18, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
We're three weeks away from Takeover and the main event has been announced as Samoa Joe defending the NXT Title against Finn Balor, but this time it's going to be taking place inside a steel cage. That's never been done before in NXT and it should be interesting to see how NXT builds up to such a match. Let's get to it.
We open with a video on Nia Jax vs. Bayley from London last year with Nia saying she would destroy Bayley in a rematch, which takes place tonight.
Opening sequence.
Blake and Murphy vs. Austin Aries/???
Aries has a mystery partner after Blake and Murphy interrupted him last week. The partner is......Shinsuke Nakamura. Alexa Bliss is certainly not happy with this development. Blake and Murphy aren't sure who should start so Aries dropkicks Murphy in the corner for an early two. It's off to Nakamura for the shaky choke in the corner (which Tom calls Good Vibrations) before he puts Murphy on his knees for a slingshot elbow from Aries. Shinsuke actually stares Blake off the apron before suplexing Murphy down. Aries reaches over for the tag but Nakamura intentionally doesn't tag, setting up Kinshasa to end Murphy at 2:47.
Post match Alexa walks out on the team. Murphy walks out on Blake.
Bayley says she isn't going to let Nia Jax bully her way into whatever she wants because it's going to be a repeat of London. After that, it's time to get the Women's Title back.
Video on Asuka with a band playing a song. You don't see that too often.
No Way Jose talks about how much he loves smiling and how much energy he has. Some people might not like him but it's time for a fiesta. He's here to fight, but first it's time for some dancing.
Carmella misses Enzo and Cass but wants to be Women's Champion.
Carmella vs. Peyton Royce
Peyton is definitely one of the more sexualized women around here as she does a very slow crawl over the ropes to get inside. Carmella is actually taken down to start for some elbows into the neck. We hit an early chinlock before Peyton sweeps the leg to keep control. Two Amigos into a PerfectPlex gets two on Carmella but a few elbows and a Thesz press take Peyton down. A hurricanrana sets up the Bronco Buster and the leg crossface makes Peyton tap at 3:36.
Clip of Finn Balor and Samoa Joe getting in a huge brawl at a house show on Saturday with the locker room having to break it up.
General Manager William Regal has made their match a steel cage match and we see the contract signing with both of them saying it ends at Takeover.
Blake and Murphy beg Alexa to take them back but she says it's going to be easier to win the Women's Title without 470lbs of weight on her back.
Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa vs. Rob Ryzin/Danny Burch
Gargano and Burch start things off as the fans chant TERRA-RYZIN. That's the most interesting part of the beginning as it's quickly off to Burch vs. Ciampa, one of whom is dubbed a psycho killer. Burch runs him over with a clothesline for two before Ciampa shrugs off both jobbers' offense. Gargano comes in with some clotheslines of his own and slingshots through the ropes for a spear. A running knee from Ciampa and a superkick from Gargano put Ryzin away at 5:00.
Speaking of American Alpha, Regal say they'll be facing the Revival at Takeover.
Bayley vs. Nia Jax
Nia easily shoves her away to start so Bayley gets on Nia's back for a choke. Bayley gets thrown around with ease with almost none of her offense having any effect. A few whips into the corner have Bayley reeling and she goes chest first into the middle turnbuckle as we take a break.
Back with Nia holding her in a reverse chinlock before going after Bayley's arm. Off to a cobra clutch on Bayley, followed by a clothesline to the back of the head for two. Nia switches it up into an arm trap bearhug, only to have Bayley escape and avoid a charge in the corner.
Some kicks to the legs and another dodged charge sends Nia outside, followed by a hurricanrana off the apron. Back in and the Bayley to Belly doesn't work so she settles for a DDT instead. Bayley grabs the guillotine but Nia shoves her off and Bayley comes up with a bad limp. The legdrop onto the leg sets up the regular legdrop for the pin on Bayley at 16:17.
Bayley's leg is checked on to end the show.
Results
Austin Aries/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Blake and Murphy Kinshasa to Murphy
Carmella b. Peyton Royce Leg crossface
Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa b. Danny Burch/Rob Ryzin Running knee/superkick combination to Ryzin
Nia Jax b. Bayley Legdrop