klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Andy Levine, the Tough Enough winner, was released today.
Smackdown got a 1.8.
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 23, 2012
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's a three hour show in Detroit tonight. In theory this was going to be the Draft but with the Super Show having guys from both shows on it, there's no real need to have one. Del Rio was officially traded to Smackdown so they could probably have things like that instead of wasting a full show on a Draft. That's probably a good idea as you can use time on other stuff. Today is also Cena's birthday if that means anything. Let's get to it.
Let's burn it to the ground.
We open with the Lesnar vs. Cena contract signing, moderated by Teddy Long. Teddy screws up something about the number of titles Cena has won, because CLEARLY which title he's won makes a difference right? Brock gets his entrance but it's Ace instead. Brock isn't here yet so the signing will be later. Also tonight might be Cena's last night on Raw, so get out of his ring.
Ace goes to leave.....and here's Edge. He says he's off his contract in a few days after this but he's here to talk to Cena. However this isn't the real Cena standing in front of him. Edge came to talk to the John Cena who is his greatest rival ever in the WWE. The real Cena is the one that beat him at TLC in Toronto and threw him in the Long Island Sound. Maybe it was Rock beating him that changed Cena, because big losses can change people, like Andre losing to Hogan and the Screwjob and such.
Cena has to find what's inside of him because this is all that both Edge and Cena have ever done. This isn't what Lesnar is all about. He doesn't care about these people unless they can line his pockets. Brock was gone for eight years while Cena and Edge were carrying the load. A loss to Lesnar is a slap in the face of guys like Undertaker, Michaels and Edge, so Cena needs to wake up. He isn't asking Cena to beat Lesnar. He's telling him to. This was pretty freaking awesome.
Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi quickly knocks him to the floor and has to do the hair bounce off the top rope thing because Jericho moved out of the way. Back in Jericho easily takes over and chops Kofi down before hooking a headlock. A charge into the corner misses and Jericho is knocked to the floor. Kofi hits a HUGE flip dive over the top which looked awesome. Chris is down as we take a break.
Back with Jericho holding a chinlock (duh) due to the springboard dropkick during the break. The bulldog puts Kofi down but the Lionsault misses. Standing rana gets two for Kofi but Chris hits a clothesline to take him down. Kofi pops back up for the top rope cross body and the SOS for two each. Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Walls attempt but Kofi escapes. He tries a springboard something but jumps into the Codebreaker. Liontamer ends this at 12:00.
Jericho says he's going to win the title on Sunday and has a present for Punk when his title reign ends.
We get a clip of Lesnar debuting (in the ring) against Jeff Hardy and winning by KO at Backlash 2002.
Ace is on the phone when Eve comes in. He tells her to call him Johnny and offers her an opening in his administration. The job would be Executive Administrator which she accepts. He wants a hug but gets a handshake instead.
We get some of the sitdown interview from last week with Lesnar.
Punk is in the back and his gift is a big basket of liquor. Punk keeps one bottle which he says he'll give to Jericho at the PPV and gives the rest of the basket to Josh. This could be interesting.
Lord Tensai vs. R-Truth
This is kind of a drop in opponent quality for Tensai. Tensai's inset promo is mostly in Japanese. Tensai no sells a lot of Truth's offense and runs him over. He fires off the headbutts in the corner and Truth is in trouble. Backsplash hits and the Baldo Bomb sets up the Mist Claw for the win at 2:00.
Here's Kane to talk about the match on Sunday with Orton. Orton can't beat Kane with rules as was proven at Wrestlemania so why would he think that he can beat Kane without them? Orton is struggling with humanity and hates that Kane has discovered his one true weakness. Kane has found Orton's shoulders? He calls Randy a scared boy looking for his father. Orton pops up on the screen and says he wants to get into this too. Behind him is Paul Bearer tied up in a chair. Orton throws him inside what looks like a freezer. Kane says he doesn't care because his father is the devil himself.
Kane goes to leave but Orton comes up the aisle for a slugout. Kane gets rammed into the steps and then the post with a good looking shot. Orton finds a pipe from somewhere and beats Kane up with it, sending Kane up through the crowd.
Jericho is in the back and runs into Alex Riley, who says he thinks Punk is drinking from the bottle of alcohol he was given. They go to his locker room and see him on the phone having a drink from a red cup with the bottle next to it, but you can't tell what's in the cup. Jericho looks happily stunned.
Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show/Great Khali
Cody vs. Show II is announced for the PPV and the stipulation is to be determined. They don't know it by now? That can't be a good sign. Khali is limping from the attack on Friday. He and Cody start and Cody's kick is easily countered. Khali goes after the knee of Cody but when he loads up the chop Cody bails to the floor. Back inside Rhodes immediately tags out and Alberto fires a kick to the knee. That gets him nowhere other than into the corner for some chops.
We take a break and come back with the hot tag to Big show so he can beat on Del Rio. Cody pulls the rope down and sends Show to the floor for some work on the knee. The heels work over the knee with Cody hooking the Figure Four. It's not as bad as the one from Friday but it's still pretty bad. Show comes back and Del Rio walks out, allowing the chokeslam to pin Cody at 10:20.
Santino defends the US Title against Miz on the pre-show on Sunday, because THE UNITED STATES TITLE ISN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO PUT ON A FREAKING PAY PER VIEW!
Jericho is with Ace, Eve and Teddy, saying that Punk needs to be stripped of the title. Eve says that there's a WWE rule saying that you can't drink alcohol within 12 hours of a WWE show. There's going to be a field sobriety test later. Jericho leaves and Teddy gets yelled at for not following the rules. He gets to administer the test later and possibly strip Punk of the title.
Lesnar is here and shoves Josh against a wall. Brock walks away and Josh says he's just trying to do his job, which earns him a trip through the interview set.
Back from a break and Josh is being put on a stretcher.
Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix
Before the match here's Eve to say that this is now a lumberjack match. Maxine is one of the divas here so I'm sure she'll be complaining about not being off NXT yet this week again. Nikki dropkicks Beth down and monkey flips her down. That results in her getting slammed into the corner and gorilla press dropped. Off to a chinlock followed by a backbreaker. Beth throws her to the floor and injures her knee. Brie goes after Beth and the lumberjacks jump on Beth in a dog pile. I think there was a switch in the pile but I'm not sure. Beth's ankle or leg is messed up, allowing Nikki to roll her up and win the title at 4:11.
Punk freaks out and breaks stuff because he has to have a sobriety test.
Here's Teddy with two cops for the sobriety test. Jericho comes out to observe this. Punk comes out and is acting shaky because he's drunk you see. He drops the belt as he's standing in the ring. It's not Hawk in 98 bad but I don't see a clear ending to this. Punk talks about how ridiculous this is, and the whole WWF (yes WWF) Universe says this is ridiculous. First up is he has to recite the alphabet backwards. He can't do it and says it's stupid because no one can do that sober or drunk.
Next up is walking a red line that's in the ring. I've seen Cops before. This is easy. He does a Karate Kid impression but can't do this either. The second officer says that Punk is obviously intoxicated and the cops are sent away. Teddy asks for the title and Punk doesn't want to do it of course. He hands Teddy the title but before it goes to Jericho Punk wants one more chance. He tries to do the alphabet backwards again and does it very slowly (messing up the S and the T) but does it at the same time as walking a straight line, before moonwalking and strutting through the end. Punk gets it right and destroys Jericho.
Clip of Lesnar destroying Hogan on Smackdown. I really don't get why this is supposed to be a big deal.
Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
Daniel Bryan gets to be guest referee. They trade power to start but Bryan stops him from throwing a punch. Remember that Sheamus is on the referee probation. Henry runs Sheamus over and covers with Bryan counting the pin in less than a second, ending it at 1:36.
Post match Sheamus goes after Bryan but has to kick Henry's head off first. He takes Sheamus' knee out and kicks him in the head before putting on the YES Lock.
Brodus/Horny vs. Ziggler/Swagger later on has its own sponsor: Taco Bell.
Back from a break Sheamus thinks Bryan is a coward and a snake in the grass. He's going to get the same treatment that the snakes in Ireland got, but Sheamus is no saint. I like Sheamus A LOT more (which is saying a lot as he might be my favorite wrestler right now) when he has some adversity instead of just plowing over everyone.
Primo/Epico vs. Zach Ryder/Santino Marella
Ryder and Epico start things off with Zach taking over with an armbar. He sends Epico into the corner and hits the boot but Rosa distracts him from hitting the Rough Ryder. Out to the floor and Ryder gets sent into the post which gets one in the ring. The champs hammer away on him but Primo misses a springboard flip dive, allowing the hot tag to Santino. He loads up the Cobra as Ryder takes out Epico. Primo dropkicks Santino down but Santino backflips to his feet and the Cobra gets the pin at 3:18. It was stupid but I found it funny so that's all that matters.
Kane sneaks into the freezer and gets Paul out. Paul thanks him for saving him, but Kane shoves him back in again. Ok then.
Epico and Primo are arguing when Abraham Washington comes in and wants to know why they're being treated like jokes who can't get on Wrestlemania or can't get an entrance. He gives them his card and they seem interested.
Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
This is presented by Taco Bell. Whatever pays the bills. Horny starts with Swagger before it's off to Dolph. He stands on Horny's head but Horny comes back with a headscissors. Off to Brodus vs. Swagger and the fat dancing dinosaur from another planet runs over the All American Hitler Youth. Vickie comes in for the DQ at 1:55.
Horny, the dancers and Brodus surround her but she goes to get Brodus' hat and puts it on Clay's head. Horny bites her and that's it.
Lesnar headlined Mania 19. His concussion isn't mentioned or shown.
Here's the rest of the interview with Brock last week.
Ace comes out to run the contract signing. Brock comes out to a decent pop. And there's no Cena. Lesnar calls him out but there's still no Cena. Brock gets in Ace's face a bit but says that he needs to talk about why Brock was late earlier today. He asks Ace to sit down and talk about some changes that Lesnar wants and needs. Since he's been back, he's not happy with how things are going.
Brock has some demands/requests that Ace is going to have to sign off on them. He has a copy of those changes that have to go through before Sunday, preferably right now or he's not signing to face Cena. Brock says he's not a naive farm boy like he was eight years ago. Instead he knows this company needs him. If he's going to be the face of the company, he wants all of Ace's ideas run by him first. He wants Vince's private jet to and from the venues for Raw.
Beating people up makes him happy, so when he got he got here and had to deal with what he hates, that being stupid people, he beat someone up. He'll show up on Raw when and how he wants. Ace can't fine Brock like he did Sheamus and Brock wants more money also. Until those demands are met, there's no match on Sunday. Oh and the show needs to be called Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar. Ace shakes his hand and says he agrees to those terms. Brock signs and here comes Cena.
Cena has the chain and the lock around his neck. I think this is Serious Cena. He has the chain in his hand now and looks at the contract but doesn't sign it yet. Cena looks at it again but still won't sign. Lesnar taunts him and Cena takes the contract out of the folder. Brock says he likes the feeling he's getting from Cena because it feels like it's real.
He says Cena is scared and that he's the reason Cena lost last week. He keeps saying Cena is scared which makes Cena sign. Cena has the right hand with the chain cocked back and Brock has his hand cocked as well. There goes the table but Brock smiles and shakes his finger no. Cena never said a word. Brock leaves to a ton of booing for the first time since he's been back. And we're done with a 15 minute overrun.
Results
Chris Jericho b. Kofi Kingston Walls of Jericho
Lord Tensai b. R-Truth Claw Hold
Big Show/Great Khali b. Cody Rhodes/Alberto Del Rio Chokeslam to Rhodes
Nikki Bella b. Beth Phoenix Rollup
Mark Henry b. Sheamus Clothesline
Zach Ryder/Santino Marella b. Epico/Primo Cobra to Primo
Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered
Tuesday
Beth's injury last night was a work.
Buff Bagwell was in a serious car wreck and he's in ICU.
Raw got a 3.0 overall and a 3.3 in the regular two hour slot.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: April 25, 2012
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Matt Striker, Hornswoggle, Johnny Curtis, Michael McGillicutty
We have an actual changed show this week as we've got a bunch of people gone from the show after the great NXT purge last week. I'm not sure what to expect this week but it should be interesting to see who they bring in to replace the guys that have left. Either way it's a good thing to get some fresh blood in here. Let's get to it.
Striker is in the ring and says that Josh isn't able to do commentary tonight because of the beating that Lesnar gave him on Monday. He recaps the firings and hirings of Young/O'Neil, which gets limited responses. That means there are some roster spots open and Regal is going to bring in some new talent. He's out looking for that talent at the moment, so tonight Horny is the match coordinator. Oh good grief.
He says there are no more redemption points or challenges (duh) and brags about how he can talk. Hasn't he been able to do that for the last six months or so? Tonight it's Watson/Kidd vs. Curtis/McGillicutty. First of all though, he calls out Derrick Bateman. Wasn't that his rookie like 6 months ago? Bateman says something to Horny from the aisle but JTG jumps him. Oh great he's back. He complains about being off the show and that he has to beg Horny for a match. Bateman jumps him so here we go.
JTG vs. Derrick Bateman
Bateman immediately dropkicks him down and takes over. Clothesline takes JTG down as Horny says Bateman will be on Raw or Smackdown very soon. Out to the floor but Bateman misses a missile dropkick from the apron. JTG takes over back in the ring and hooks a chinlock. The video messes up now but the audio is still good.
JTG gets two off something as Horny is talking about Brodus while Striker corrects his English. The video is back now as Bateman rams JTG into the corner and starts his comeback. JTG speeds around behind him though and hits Jay Lethal's belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker which is awesome. It only gets two and Bateman hits his falling bulldog for the quick pin at 4:42.
Horny leaves commentary. I think there's going to be someone different with Striker every match.
Maxine and Bateman arrive and a referee handcuffs them together as per Regal's orders. Maxine tries to flirt her way out of it but it doesn't work. Horny comes up and laughs at them. There's a Divas tag later.
A shortened version of Brock/Ace/Cena from Monday is shown.
Watson comes up to Kidd to talk about their match later and Kidd says he hopes Watson isn't another victim of Kidd's bad luch with tag teams. Kaitlyn comes up and asks for the name of the new submission hold he used on McGillicutty. He says he's going to let the fans pick when Natalya comes up and gets in her face about flirting with Tyson. The girls leave and the guys make fun of them but it's nothing harsh.
Maxine has managed to change her clothes while being handcuffed. Natalya comes up and asks about the tag match which they agree to work together for. Curtis has to go with them.
Natalya/Maxine vs. Tamina Snuka/Kaitlyn
We get a video comparing Tamina to her dad. This is an insult to Jimmy. Kaitlyn and Tamina hit dropkicks at the same time to start the match. We have Natalya vs. Kaitlyn to officially get things going. Natalya throws her around to start and hooks a quick stretch which Curtis can't explain the pain behind. Kaitlyn comes back with a bad looking cross body which gets two.
Off to maxine who hooks a front chancery with a body scissors. Striker gives a quick explanation of how the move works which Curtis can't do or doesn't know. Natalya comes in to break up a tag and hooks a leg lock. Kaitlyn knocks her off and it's a double tag to Tamina and Maxine. The Samoan destroys her and the Superfly gets the splash at 4:40.
Striker says Maxine has to stay here because Curtis has a match.
Kidd finds Watson in the back holding his knee. He thinks it was Michael McGillicutty.
Johnny Curtis/Michael McGillicutty vs. Tyson Kidd/???
McGillicutty is a surprise partner apparently. Ok then. I could have sworn they announced that earlier but whatever. Horny throws out McGillicutty so it's a one on one match.
Tyson Kidd vs. Johnny Curtis
Maxine is at the table but doesn't have a headset. McGillicutty hits on her as Curtis has to keep moving to avoid the technical skill of Kidd. He gets in a shot on Kidd's arm to take over but Kidd speeds things up, sending Curtis to the floor. Tyson hits a sweet rana off the apron to send Curtis to the floor and we take a break. Back with Curtis putting on an armbar to keep Tyson on the mat.
During the break Kidd's springboard elbow hit Curtis' knee to set up the arm work. McGillicutty is quoting country songs for some reason. The arm work continues and the announcers talk about Cena vs. Lesnar to fill time. Kidd comes back with some kicks but goes up and is caught in a superplex for two. Kidd goes up again and hits a Blockbuster for two. I've always been a fan of that move. Sharpshooter is countered into a wheelbarrow suplex by Curtis for two. Guillotine legdrop misses and the Hart Lock (which is the name from FCW from what I can tell) gets the submission at 10:23.
Results
Derrick Bateman b. JTG Falling Bulldog
Tamina Snuka/Kaitlyn b. Maxine/Natalya Superfly Splash to Maxine
Tyson Kidd b. Johnny Curtis Hart Lock
Thursday
Rey Mysterio has been suspended for a wellness violation. This is his second violation and carries a 60 day suspension.
Impact Wrestling
Date: April 26, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
This is the first of the Open Fight Nights, which means that anyone that challenges anyone else will automatically get their match. There's a guaranteed title match as well as a guaranteed TV Title match which will be the case every week. Other than that we'll continue the build towards Sacrifice and the main event between RVD and Roode. Let's get to it.
We open with Hogan talking to the champions (minus ODB and Young) and saying they could be challenged tonight too. Tonight Joe and Magnus will be defending against....some team that Hogan will announce just before the match. He might even tell them as the opponents are on the way to the ring.
D-Von comes out and says that since he has to defend against someone every week, tonight it's going to be against the guy that everyone wants to see get beaten up: Bubba. Yes Bubba, not Bully. He has to accept because it's a challenge on Open Fight Night. Ray comes out and runs his mouth first, saying that he doesn't want to be in a ring with D-Von. Ray says no, so D-Von chases after him and throws him into the ring
TV Title: D-Von vs. Bully Ray
D-Von throws him into the ring and Ray begs off like a true bully. Thesz Press puts Ray down and D-Von goes up, only to get crotched as we take a break. Back with Ray dropping elbows and we get a clip of him holding up the belt during the break. D-Von comes back with right hands but Bubba clotheslines him down for two. Bubba sets for a charge but runs into the spinebuster for the completely clean pin at 9:45, most of which was in a commercial.
Flair is going to have a party for Eric (uncensored) Bischoff later tonight.
Kaz and Daniels come in to talk to Angle and ask for a thank you for the AJ victory last week. Angle yells at them and says stay out of his matches. Daniels also mentioned that AJ's world will come crashing down in a few weeks.
Here's JB who says that since it's Open Fight Night, he wants to call out Eric Bischoff for being a prick to JB, who has more seniority than anyone in the company. Eric went on a rant on Facebook or Twitter about JB recently and this is the payoff. Here's Eric, marking his time away from Impact at one full week. Eric takes a picture of JB and Borash goes into a rant about Eric getting drunk and talking about employees behind his back.
As Eric talks, Ray comes in with a low blow to JB. Eric says he's going to post something on his Twitter, and demands that a referee come in. he rolls up JB and has the bell rung. You know for a guy that isn't on the show anymore, he's around a lot anymore.
Anderson remembers Bischoff and talks about how he's a hypocrite. Mexican America's music is loudly playing during most of this. Pay no attention to the graphic saying earlier today.
Here's Mexican America who says they can beat anyone.
Anarquia vs. Kurt Angle
Anarquia tries to have Hernandez do this and jumps Angle from behind. Angle Slam, Ankle Lock, 49 seconds.
We get a profile on the guy that is getting the Gut Check Challenge for a contract. It's former OVW TV Champion Alex Silva. One of the judges (out of three plus Hogan) is Al Snow.
Alex Silva vs. Robbie E
Remember it's not win and you're in. Silva has to impress the judges, of which we only know two. Silva starts fast but gets caught by Robbie pretty fast. Powerslam gets one for Silva and then they cut to the crowd in probably a botch edit, followed by an implant DDT by Robbie for the pin at 2:18. Way to push these new guys right off the bat guys.
Dixie remembers the lies Eric told her.
Hogan has all of the potential tag team contenders in his office (Kaz/Daniels, Guns, Anderson/Hardy, ODB/Young) and wants to hear why each should get a title shot. The Guns say they're dedicated more than anyone else and Hogan respects that. Hogan wants Hardy and Anderson to get along so Anderson kisses Hardy on the cheek. As for the Knockout Champions, Eric gives a speech of his own. Hogan can't make a pick now but he eliminates the Guns from the running.
Here's Tessmacher with something to say. She says last week she beat Gail and it's being called a fluke. Brooke is here to prove it wasn't just a fluke and she wants a match with Gail right now.
Gail Kim vs. Brooke Tessmacher
Brooke keeps trying to jump her but Hebner keeps stopping her. Gail jumps Tessmacher and we're ready to go. This is non-title by the way, as I guess you can't challenge for titles, which I thought they said you could last week but whatever. Tessmacher sends her into the corner but gets clotheslined down immediately. Tessmacher makes her comeback with some dropkicks but misses a charge and hits her throat on the ropes. Gail holds the belt in front of Brooke's face and says she's nothing. Kim goes up but misses a missile dropkick, allowing Brooke to hit a mat slam out of a belly to back suplex position for the pin at 3:57.
Daniels and Kaz say they'll get the title match tonight. Also if AJ doesn't show up next week, they're going to let the cat out of the bag.
Video on Rob getting the title shot last week and Roode has a quick response to him.
Silva and Snow are in the back and we'll get the decision next week from Snow and the judges. Roode comes in and says he doesn't need to introduce himself and Silva agrees. Roode doesn't like the idea of the Gut Check deal because he had to work so hard to get the contract here. He says always be ready and hits Silva in the stomach.
Back to Hogan's office for another elimination as this is a freaking reality show now. He throws out Eric and ODB for not being serious enough. He tells both remaining teams to go to the ring.
Garrett isn't sorry his dad is getting fired.
Ray is on the phone with some chick when Joseph Park comes up to see him. It only took him about three months to find him too. Ray doesn't like to be touched. He has nothing to say to Park but gets a business card, which he says to shove. Park laughs and needs a good dentist.
Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. ???/???
The contenders are Hardy/Anderson and Kaz/Daniels. Hogan picks Hardy/Anderson because Kaz/Daniels aren't legit or something.
Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson
Joe and Anderson start us off and it's a stalemate. Anderson slaps Hardy on the chest for a tag and it's Magnus on the other side. They have about the same result so it's time for more communication issues with Hardy and Anderson. Back with Joe pounding on Anderson and tagging in Magnus. Anderson takes Magnus down and begrudgingly tags in Hardy. The champs double team Jeff and Joe gets two off a Magnus boot. Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind and makes the hot tag to Anderson. He cleans house but gets caught in the Clutch as Jeff is on the floor, good for the tap at 10:53.
Here's Flair, Gunner, Kaz, Ray and Daniels for the Bischoff party. The fans chant goodbye and Flair tells them he'll move the party. He says if you know wrestling, you know Eric Bischoff. He asks Eric to come out and praises him for awhile. Gunner gets to thank him for a lot of stuff, Ray calls Eric the wind beneath his wings, and Flair gives him a Rolex.
Cue Garrett and some faces including RVD, Aries and the Guns along with JB. They say it's time to induct Eric into the shed of shame, which is a portable toilet. The guys go to the ramp for a brawl and Garrett grabs Eric, throwing him in the Port-A-Potty. They chain it shut and turn it over to mess Eric up. Eric comes out of it to end the show. Oh and this got more time than any match tonight.
Results
D-Von b. Bully Ray Spinebuster
Kurt Angle b. Anarquia Ankle Lock
Robbie E. b. Alex Silva Implant DDT
Brooke Tessmacher b. Gail Kim Face First Mat Slam
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson Coquina Clutch to Anderson
Andy Levine, the Tough Enough winner, was released today.
Smackdown got a 1.8.
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 23, 2012
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's a three hour show in Detroit tonight. In theory this was going to be the Draft but with the Super Show having guys from both shows on it, there's no real need to have one. Del Rio was officially traded to Smackdown so they could probably have things like that instead of wasting a full show on a Draft. That's probably a good idea as you can use time on other stuff. Today is also Cena's birthday if that means anything. Let's get to it.
Let's burn it to the ground.
We open with the Lesnar vs. Cena contract signing, moderated by Teddy Long. Teddy screws up something about the number of titles Cena has won, because CLEARLY which title he's won makes a difference right? Brock gets his entrance but it's Ace instead. Brock isn't here yet so the signing will be later. Also tonight might be Cena's last night on Raw, so get out of his ring.
Ace goes to leave.....and here's Edge. He says he's off his contract in a few days after this but he's here to talk to Cena. However this isn't the real Cena standing in front of him. Edge came to talk to the John Cena who is his greatest rival ever in the WWE. The real Cena is the one that beat him at TLC in Toronto and threw him in the Long Island Sound. Maybe it was Rock beating him that changed Cena, because big losses can change people, like Andre losing to Hogan and the Screwjob and such.
Cena has to find what's inside of him because this is all that both Edge and Cena have ever done. This isn't what Lesnar is all about. He doesn't care about these people unless they can line his pockets. Brock was gone for eight years while Cena and Edge were carrying the load. A loss to Lesnar is a slap in the face of guys like Undertaker, Michaels and Edge, so Cena needs to wake up. He isn't asking Cena to beat Lesnar. He's telling him to. This was pretty freaking awesome.
Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi quickly knocks him to the floor and has to do the hair bounce off the top rope thing because Jericho moved out of the way. Back in Jericho easily takes over and chops Kofi down before hooking a headlock. A charge into the corner misses and Jericho is knocked to the floor. Kofi hits a HUGE flip dive over the top which looked awesome. Chris is down as we take a break.
Back with Jericho holding a chinlock (duh) due to the springboard dropkick during the break. The bulldog puts Kofi down but the Lionsault misses. Standing rana gets two for Kofi but Chris hits a clothesline to take him down. Kofi pops back up for the top rope cross body and the SOS for two each. Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Walls attempt but Kofi escapes. He tries a springboard something but jumps into the Codebreaker. Liontamer ends this at 12:00.
Jericho says he's going to win the title on Sunday and has a present for Punk when his title reign ends.
We get a clip of Lesnar debuting (in the ring) against Jeff Hardy and winning by KO at Backlash 2002.
Ace is on the phone when Eve comes in. He tells her to call him Johnny and offers her an opening in his administration. The job would be Executive Administrator which she accepts. He wants a hug but gets a handshake instead.
We get some of the sitdown interview from last week with Lesnar.
Punk is in the back and his gift is a big basket of liquor. Punk keeps one bottle which he says he'll give to Jericho at the PPV and gives the rest of the basket to Josh. This could be interesting.
Lord Tensai vs. R-Truth
This is kind of a drop in opponent quality for Tensai. Tensai's inset promo is mostly in Japanese. Tensai no sells a lot of Truth's offense and runs him over. He fires off the headbutts in the corner and Truth is in trouble. Backsplash hits and the Baldo Bomb sets up the Mist Claw for the win at 2:00.
Here's Kane to talk about the match on Sunday with Orton. Orton can't beat Kane with rules as was proven at Wrestlemania so why would he think that he can beat Kane without them? Orton is struggling with humanity and hates that Kane has discovered his one true weakness. Kane has found Orton's shoulders? He calls Randy a scared boy looking for his father. Orton pops up on the screen and says he wants to get into this too. Behind him is Paul Bearer tied up in a chair. Orton throws him inside what looks like a freezer. Kane says he doesn't care because his father is the devil himself.
Kane goes to leave but Orton comes up the aisle for a slugout. Kane gets rammed into the steps and then the post with a good looking shot. Orton finds a pipe from somewhere and beats Kane up with it, sending Kane up through the crowd.
Jericho is in the back and runs into Alex Riley, who says he thinks Punk is drinking from the bottle of alcohol he was given. They go to his locker room and see him on the phone having a drink from a red cup with the bottle next to it, but you can't tell what's in the cup. Jericho looks happily stunned.
Alberto Del Rio/Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show/Great Khali
Cody vs. Show II is announced for the PPV and the stipulation is to be determined. They don't know it by now? That can't be a good sign. Khali is limping from the attack on Friday. He and Cody start and Cody's kick is easily countered. Khali goes after the knee of Cody but when he loads up the chop Cody bails to the floor. Back inside Rhodes immediately tags out and Alberto fires a kick to the knee. That gets him nowhere other than into the corner for some chops.
We take a break and come back with the hot tag to Big show so he can beat on Del Rio. Cody pulls the rope down and sends Show to the floor for some work on the knee. The heels work over the knee with Cody hooking the Figure Four. It's not as bad as the one from Friday but it's still pretty bad. Show comes back and Del Rio walks out, allowing the chokeslam to pin Cody at 10:20.
Santino defends the US Title against Miz on the pre-show on Sunday, because THE UNITED STATES TITLE ISN'T IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO PUT ON A FREAKING PAY PER VIEW!
Jericho is with Ace, Eve and Teddy, saying that Punk needs to be stripped of the title. Eve says that there's a WWE rule saying that you can't drink alcohol within 12 hours of a WWE show. There's going to be a field sobriety test later. Jericho leaves and Teddy gets yelled at for not following the rules. He gets to administer the test later and possibly strip Punk of the title.
Lesnar is here and shoves Josh against a wall. Brock walks away and Josh says he's just trying to do his job, which earns him a trip through the interview set.
Back from a break and Josh is being put on a stretcher.
Divas Title: Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix
Before the match here's Eve to say that this is now a lumberjack match. Maxine is one of the divas here so I'm sure she'll be complaining about not being off NXT yet this week again. Nikki dropkicks Beth down and monkey flips her down. That results in her getting slammed into the corner and gorilla press dropped. Off to a chinlock followed by a backbreaker. Beth throws her to the floor and injures her knee. Brie goes after Beth and the lumberjacks jump on Beth in a dog pile. I think there was a switch in the pile but I'm not sure. Beth's ankle or leg is messed up, allowing Nikki to roll her up and win the title at 4:11.
Punk freaks out and breaks stuff because he has to have a sobriety test.
Here's Teddy with two cops for the sobriety test. Jericho comes out to observe this. Punk comes out and is acting shaky because he's drunk you see. He drops the belt as he's standing in the ring. It's not Hawk in 98 bad but I don't see a clear ending to this. Punk talks about how ridiculous this is, and the whole WWF (yes WWF) Universe says this is ridiculous. First up is he has to recite the alphabet backwards. He can't do it and says it's stupid because no one can do that sober or drunk.
Next up is walking a red line that's in the ring. I've seen Cops before. This is easy. He does a Karate Kid impression but can't do this either. The second officer says that Punk is obviously intoxicated and the cops are sent away. Teddy asks for the title and Punk doesn't want to do it of course. He hands Teddy the title but before it goes to Jericho Punk wants one more chance. He tries to do the alphabet backwards again and does it very slowly (messing up the S and the T) but does it at the same time as walking a straight line, before moonwalking and strutting through the end. Punk gets it right and destroys Jericho.
Clip of Lesnar destroying Hogan on Smackdown. I really don't get why this is supposed to be a big deal.
Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
Daniel Bryan gets to be guest referee. They trade power to start but Bryan stops him from throwing a punch. Remember that Sheamus is on the referee probation. Henry runs Sheamus over and covers with Bryan counting the pin in less than a second, ending it at 1:36.
Post match Sheamus goes after Bryan but has to kick Henry's head off first. He takes Sheamus' knee out and kicks him in the head before putting on the YES Lock.
Brodus/Horny vs. Ziggler/Swagger later on has its own sponsor: Taco Bell.
Back from a break Sheamus thinks Bryan is a coward and a snake in the grass. He's going to get the same treatment that the snakes in Ireland got, but Sheamus is no saint. I like Sheamus A LOT more (which is saying a lot as he might be my favorite wrestler right now) when he has some adversity instead of just plowing over everyone.
Primo/Epico vs. Zach Ryder/Santino Marella
Ryder and Epico start things off with Zach taking over with an armbar. He sends Epico into the corner and hits the boot but Rosa distracts him from hitting the Rough Ryder. Out to the floor and Ryder gets sent into the post which gets one in the ring. The champs hammer away on him but Primo misses a springboard flip dive, allowing the hot tag to Santino. He loads up the Cobra as Ryder takes out Epico. Primo dropkicks Santino down but Santino backflips to his feet and the Cobra gets the pin at 3:18. It was stupid but I found it funny so that's all that matters.
Kane sneaks into the freezer and gets Paul out. Paul thanks him for saving him, but Kane shoves him back in again. Ok then.
Epico and Primo are arguing when Abraham Washington comes in and wants to know why they're being treated like jokes who can't get on Wrestlemania or can't get an entrance. He gives them his card and they seem interested.
Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
This is presented by Taco Bell. Whatever pays the bills. Horny starts with Swagger before it's off to Dolph. He stands on Horny's head but Horny comes back with a headscissors. Off to Brodus vs. Swagger and the fat dancing dinosaur from another planet runs over the All American Hitler Youth. Vickie comes in for the DQ at 1:55.
Horny, the dancers and Brodus surround her but she goes to get Brodus' hat and puts it on Clay's head. Horny bites her and that's it.
Lesnar headlined Mania 19. His concussion isn't mentioned or shown.
Here's the rest of the interview with Brock last week.
Ace comes out to run the contract signing. Brock comes out to a decent pop. And there's no Cena. Lesnar calls him out but there's still no Cena. Brock gets in Ace's face a bit but says that he needs to talk about why Brock was late earlier today. He asks Ace to sit down and talk about some changes that Lesnar wants and needs. Since he's been back, he's not happy with how things are going.
Brock has some demands/requests that Ace is going to have to sign off on them. He has a copy of those changes that have to go through before Sunday, preferably right now or he's not signing to face Cena. Brock says he's not a naive farm boy like he was eight years ago. Instead he knows this company needs him. If he's going to be the face of the company, he wants all of Ace's ideas run by him first. He wants Vince's private jet to and from the venues for Raw.
Beating people up makes him happy, so when he got he got here and had to deal with what he hates, that being stupid people, he beat someone up. He'll show up on Raw when and how he wants. Ace can't fine Brock like he did Sheamus and Brock wants more money also. Until those demands are met, there's no match on Sunday. Oh and the show needs to be called Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar. Ace shakes his hand and says he agrees to those terms. Brock signs and here comes Cena.
Cena has the chain and the lock around his neck. I think this is Serious Cena. He has the chain in his hand now and looks at the contract but doesn't sign it yet. Cena looks at it again but still won't sign. Lesnar taunts him and Cena takes the contract out of the folder. Brock says he likes the feeling he's getting from Cena because it feels like it's real.
He says Cena is scared and that he's the reason Cena lost last week. He keeps saying Cena is scared which makes Cena sign. Cena has the right hand with the chain cocked back and Brock has his hand cocked as well. There goes the table but Brock smiles and shakes his finger no. Cena never said a word. Brock leaves to a ton of booing for the first time since he's been back. And we're done with a 15 minute overrun.
Results
Chris Jericho b. Kofi Kingston Walls of Jericho
Lord Tensai b. R-Truth Claw Hold
Big Show/Great Khali b. Cody Rhodes/Alberto Del Rio Chokeslam to Rhodes
Nikki Bella b. Beth Phoenix Rollup
Mark Henry b. Sheamus Clothesline
Zach Ryder/Santino Marella b. Epico/Primo Cobra to Primo
Brodus Clay/Hornswoggle b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Vickie Guerrero interfered
Tuesday
Beth's injury last night was a work.
Buff Bagwell was in a serious car wreck and he's in ICU.
Raw got a 3.0 overall and a 3.3 in the regular two hour slot.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: April 25, 2012
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Commentators: Matt Striker, Hornswoggle, Johnny Curtis, Michael McGillicutty
We have an actual changed show this week as we've got a bunch of people gone from the show after the great NXT purge last week. I'm not sure what to expect this week but it should be interesting to see who they bring in to replace the guys that have left. Either way it's a good thing to get some fresh blood in here. Let's get to it.
Striker is in the ring and says that Josh isn't able to do commentary tonight because of the beating that Lesnar gave him on Monday. He recaps the firings and hirings of Young/O'Neil, which gets limited responses. That means there are some roster spots open and Regal is going to bring in some new talent. He's out looking for that talent at the moment, so tonight Horny is the match coordinator. Oh good grief.
He says there are no more redemption points or challenges (duh) and brags about how he can talk. Hasn't he been able to do that for the last six months or so? Tonight it's Watson/Kidd vs. Curtis/McGillicutty. First of all though, he calls out Derrick Bateman. Wasn't that his rookie like 6 months ago? Bateman says something to Horny from the aisle but JTG jumps him. Oh great he's back. He complains about being off the show and that he has to beg Horny for a match. Bateman jumps him so here we go.
JTG vs. Derrick Bateman
Bateman immediately dropkicks him down and takes over. Clothesline takes JTG down as Horny says Bateman will be on Raw or Smackdown very soon. Out to the floor but Bateman misses a missile dropkick from the apron. JTG takes over back in the ring and hooks a chinlock. The video messes up now but the audio is still good.
JTG gets two off something as Horny is talking about Brodus while Striker corrects his English. The video is back now as Bateman rams JTG into the corner and starts his comeback. JTG speeds around behind him though and hits Jay Lethal's belly to back suplex into a neckbreaker which is awesome. It only gets two and Bateman hits his falling bulldog for the quick pin at 4:42.
Horny leaves commentary. I think there's going to be someone different with Striker every match.
Maxine and Bateman arrive and a referee handcuffs them together as per Regal's orders. Maxine tries to flirt her way out of it but it doesn't work. Horny comes up and laughs at them. There's a Divas tag later.
A shortened version of Brock/Ace/Cena from Monday is shown.
Watson comes up to Kidd to talk about their match later and Kidd says he hopes Watson isn't another victim of Kidd's bad luch with tag teams. Kaitlyn comes up and asks for the name of the new submission hold he used on McGillicutty. He says he's going to let the fans pick when Natalya comes up and gets in her face about flirting with Tyson. The girls leave and the guys make fun of them but it's nothing harsh.
Maxine has managed to change her clothes while being handcuffed. Natalya comes up and asks about the tag match which they agree to work together for. Curtis has to go with them.
Natalya/Maxine vs. Tamina Snuka/Kaitlyn
We get a video comparing Tamina to her dad. This is an insult to Jimmy. Kaitlyn and Tamina hit dropkicks at the same time to start the match. We have Natalya vs. Kaitlyn to officially get things going. Natalya throws her around to start and hooks a quick stretch which Curtis can't explain the pain behind. Kaitlyn comes back with a bad looking cross body which gets two.
Off to maxine who hooks a front chancery with a body scissors. Striker gives a quick explanation of how the move works which Curtis can't do or doesn't know. Natalya comes in to break up a tag and hooks a leg lock. Kaitlyn knocks her off and it's a double tag to Tamina and Maxine. The Samoan destroys her and the Superfly gets the splash at 4:40.
Striker says Maxine has to stay here because Curtis has a match.
Kidd finds Watson in the back holding his knee. He thinks it was Michael McGillicutty.
Johnny Curtis/Michael McGillicutty vs. Tyson Kidd/???
McGillicutty is a surprise partner apparently. Ok then. I could have sworn they announced that earlier but whatever. Horny throws out McGillicutty so it's a one on one match.
Tyson Kidd vs. Johnny Curtis
Maxine is at the table but doesn't have a headset. McGillicutty hits on her as Curtis has to keep moving to avoid the technical skill of Kidd. He gets in a shot on Kidd's arm to take over but Kidd speeds things up, sending Curtis to the floor. Tyson hits a sweet rana off the apron to send Curtis to the floor and we take a break. Back with Curtis putting on an armbar to keep Tyson on the mat.
During the break Kidd's springboard elbow hit Curtis' knee to set up the arm work. McGillicutty is quoting country songs for some reason. The arm work continues and the announcers talk about Cena vs. Lesnar to fill time. Kidd comes back with some kicks but goes up and is caught in a superplex for two. Kidd goes up again and hits a Blockbuster for two. I've always been a fan of that move. Sharpshooter is countered into a wheelbarrow suplex by Curtis for two. Guillotine legdrop misses and the Hart Lock (which is the name from FCW from what I can tell) gets the submission at 10:23.
Results
Derrick Bateman b. JTG Falling Bulldog
Tamina Snuka/Kaitlyn b. Maxine/Natalya Superfly Splash to Maxine
Tyson Kidd b. Johnny Curtis Hart Lock
Thursday
Rey Mysterio has been suspended for a wellness violation. This is his second violation and carries a 60 day suspension.
Impact Wrestling
Date: April 26, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
This is the first of the Open Fight Nights, which means that anyone that challenges anyone else will automatically get their match. There's a guaranteed title match as well as a guaranteed TV Title match which will be the case every week. Other than that we'll continue the build towards Sacrifice and the main event between RVD and Roode. Let's get to it.
We open with Hogan talking to the champions (minus ODB and Young) and saying they could be challenged tonight too. Tonight Joe and Magnus will be defending against....some team that Hogan will announce just before the match. He might even tell them as the opponents are on the way to the ring.
D-Von comes out and says that since he has to defend against someone every week, tonight it's going to be against the guy that everyone wants to see get beaten up: Bubba. Yes Bubba, not Bully. He has to accept because it's a challenge on Open Fight Night. Ray comes out and runs his mouth first, saying that he doesn't want to be in a ring with D-Von. Ray says no, so D-Von chases after him and throws him into the ring
TV Title: D-Von vs. Bully Ray
D-Von throws him into the ring and Ray begs off like a true bully. Thesz Press puts Ray down and D-Von goes up, only to get crotched as we take a break. Back with Ray dropping elbows and we get a clip of him holding up the belt during the break. D-Von comes back with right hands but Bubba clotheslines him down for two. Bubba sets for a charge but runs into the spinebuster for the completely clean pin at 9:45, most of which was in a commercial.
Flair is going to have a party for Eric (uncensored) Bischoff later tonight.
Kaz and Daniels come in to talk to Angle and ask for a thank you for the AJ victory last week. Angle yells at them and says stay out of his matches. Daniels also mentioned that AJ's world will come crashing down in a few weeks.
Here's JB who says that since it's Open Fight Night, he wants to call out Eric Bischoff for being a prick to JB, who has more seniority than anyone in the company. Eric went on a rant on Facebook or Twitter about JB recently and this is the payoff. Here's Eric, marking his time away from Impact at one full week. Eric takes a picture of JB and Borash goes into a rant about Eric getting drunk and talking about employees behind his back.
As Eric talks, Ray comes in with a low blow to JB. Eric says he's going to post something on his Twitter, and demands that a referee come in. he rolls up JB and has the bell rung. You know for a guy that isn't on the show anymore, he's around a lot anymore.
Anderson remembers Bischoff and talks about how he's a hypocrite. Mexican America's music is loudly playing during most of this. Pay no attention to the graphic saying earlier today.
Here's Mexican America who says they can beat anyone.
Anarquia vs. Kurt Angle
Anarquia tries to have Hernandez do this and jumps Angle from behind. Angle Slam, Ankle Lock, 49 seconds.
We get a profile on the guy that is getting the Gut Check Challenge for a contract. It's former OVW TV Champion Alex Silva. One of the judges (out of three plus Hogan) is Al Snow.
Alex Silva vs. Robbie E
Remember it's not win and you're in. Silva has to impress the judges, of which we only know two. Silva starts fast but gets caught by Robbie pretty fast. Powerslam gets one for Silva and then they cut to the crowd in probably a botch edit, followed by an implant DDT by Robbie for the pin at 2:18. Way to push these new guys right off the bat guys.
Dixie remembers the lies Eric told her.
Hogan has all of the potential tag team contenders in his office (Kaz/Daniels, Guns, Anderson/Hardy, ODB/Young) and wants to hear why each should get a title shot. The Guns say they're dedicated more than anyone else and Hogan respects that. Hogan wants Hardy and Anderson to get along so Anderson kisses Hardy on the cheek. As for the Knockout Champions, Eric gives a speech of his own. Hogan can't make a pick now but he eliminates the Guns from the running.
Here's Tessmacher with something to say. She says last week she beat Gail and it's being called a fluke. Brooke is here to prove it wasn't just a fluke and she wants a match with Gail right now.
Gail Kim vs. Brooke Tessmacher
Brooke keeps trying to jump her but Hebner keeps stopping her. Gail jumps Tessmacher and we're ready to go. This is non-title by the way, as I guess you can't challenge for titles, which I thought they said you could last week but whatever. Tessmacher sends her into the corner but gets clotheslined down immediately. Tessmacher makes her comeback with some dropkicks but misses a charge and hits her throat on the ropes. Gail holds the belt in front of Brooke's face and says she's nothing. Kim goes up but misses a missile dropkick, allowing Brooke to hit a mat slam out of a belly to back suplex position for the pin at 3:57.
Daniels and Kaz say they'll get the title match tonight. Also if AJ doesn't show up next week, they're going to let the cat out of the bag.
Video on Rob getting the title shot last week and Roode has a quick response to him.
Silva and Snow are in the back and we'll get the decision next week from Snow and the judges. Roode comes in and says he doesn't need to introduce himself and Silva agrees. Roode doesn't like the idea of the Gut Check deal because he had to work so hard to get the contract here. He says always be ready and hits Silva in the stomach.
Back to Hogan's office for another elimination as this is a freaking reality show now. He throws out Eric and ODB for not being serious enough. He tells both remaining teams to go to the ring.
Garrett isn't sorry his dad is getting fired.
Ray is on the phone with some chick when Joseph Park comes up to see him. It only took him about three months to find him too. Ray doesn't like to be touched. He has nothing to say to Park but gets a business card, which he says to shove. Park laughs and needs a good dentist.
Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. ???/???
The contenders are Hardy/Anderson and Kaz/Daniels. Hogan picks Hardy/Anderson because Kaz/Daniels aren't legit or something.
Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson
Joe and Anderson start us off and it's a stalemate. Anderson slaps Hardy on the chest for a tag and it's Magnus on the other side. They have about the same result so it's time for more communication issues with Hardy and Anderson. Back with Joe pounding on Anderson and tagging in Magnus. Anderson takes Magnus down and begrudgingly tags in Hardy. The champs double team Jeff and Joe gets two off a Magnus boot. Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind and makes the hot tag to Anderson. He cleans house but gets caught in the Clutch as Jeff is on the floor, good for the tap at 10:53.
Here's Flair, Gunner, Kaz, Ray and Daniels for the Bischoff party. The fans chant goodbye and Flair tells them he'll move the party. He says if you know wrestling, you know Eric Bischoff. He asks Eric to come out and praises him for awhile. Gunner gets to thank him for a lot of stuff, Ray calls Eric the wind beneath his wings, and Flair gives him a Rolex.
Cue Garrett and some faces including RVD, Aries and the Guns along with JB. They say it's time to induct Eric into the shed of shame, which is a portable toilet. The guys go to the ramp for a brawl and Garrett grabs Eric, throwing him in the Port-A-Potty. They chain it shut and turn it over to mess Eric up. Eric comes out of it to end the show. Oh and this got more time than any match tonight.
Results
D-Von b. Bully Ray Spinebuster
Kurt Angle b. Anarquia Ankle Lock
Robbie E. b. Alex Silva Implant DDT
Brooke Tessmacher b. Gail Kim Face First Mat Slam
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Jeff Hardy/Mr. Anderson Coquina Clutch to Anderson