klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 20, 2017
Location: Barclays Center, New York Center, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
WE WANT PAIGE! Sorry just thought I'd get you used to those tonight as the New York crowd is going to let you know about it all night long. We're less than two weeks away from Wrestlemania and there's a good chance tonight is going to be all about the big push towards the show. Already announced tonight is Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman and Kevin Owens on the Highlight Reel. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap of the end of last week's show with Mick Foley being told he had to fire someone and getting in a fight with HHH as a result. This led to Seth Rollins coming out and brawling with HHH as well until a crutch to the knee took Rollins down to end the show.
Here's Mick Foley to get things going but he has to read a speech off some cards, thanking HHH and Stephanie for giving him his job. He talks about the end of last week's show and how stupid it was. Foley says he's taking a leave of absence but goes on a rant about how he was given these stupid cards ten minutes before the show started. He's been in this business for thirty one years and this is how he's treated. Foley: “I'M MICK FREAKING FOLEY!” The mic gets cut off and here's Stephanie to a rousing chorus of boos.
Stephanie rips on Foley for not being able to do anything right and finally fires him. Cue Sami Zayn of all people to say that Foley has had more integrity in the last nine months than she's had in her whole life. Sami rips on her but she laughs him off and says Sami isn't worthy to speak to her at all, let alone like this. She tells him to get out of here but Sami says he's going to stay here and do the right thing. Cue Samoa Joe (with Stephanie talking over his music) and we've got a match. Sami hits a big flip dive before a break or the bell.
Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
Joined in progress with Sami firing off some forearms until a hard elbow to the face puts him down. Joe's big kneedrop gets two and the powerslam gets the same as Corey sums up Joe in a single line: “Beating will continue until morality improves.” That's an old Craig Pittman line (don't bother looking it up) and one of my favorites ever. The Muscle Buster is broken up so Joe knocks him outside for the suicide elbow.
Back from a break with Sami caught in a bow and arrow and shaking his head rather hard. Sami gets up and hits one heck of a clothesline to sent Joe outside but Joe is right there to break up the suicide dive. Joe gets posted and the diving DDT through the ropes crushes Joe, only to have Sami comes up holding his arm. Back in and the Helluva Kick is countered into the Rock Bottom out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch ends Sami at 12:20.
We look back at Braun Strowman attacking Roman Reigns at the Royal Rumble.
Post break Foley is talking to Sami, who thanks him for everything and says it's a rare instance where it's ok to meet his hero. Sheamus and Cesaro thank Foley for believing him in them and hugs abound. Speaking of hugs, Foley runs into Bayley for another hug but turns around to see HHH, who tells him to have a nice day. Foley leaves, without his luggage for some reason.
We look back at Rollins vs. HHH from last week.
Video of Rollins' rehab.
We get a talk with a doctor, who says Seth's knee has been re-aggravated and only the brace saved it from being horrible. It's going to be several MONTHS before Rollins is ready to compete but there's a big reason to believe he'll be at Wrestlemania anyway. No doctor will clear him in time.
Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke
Fallout from Charlotte turning on Dana last week. Dana waistlocks her to the mat and hammers away in the corner, sending Charlotte out to the floor for a breather. Back in and Dana gets two off a clothesline followed by an elbow drop. Charlotte looks stunned as a WE WANT PAIGE (to the NEW DAY ROCKS beat) starts up. A quick big boot takes Dana's head off for the pin at 3:40. That was Charlotte's only major offensive move.
Bayley questions Stephanie's actions so she makes Nia Jax vs. Bayley for later tonight. If Nia wins, the Women's Title match at Wrestlemania is a fatal four way. We'll throw in a bonus by making it No DQ.
Here's Jericho for the Highlight Reel. Jericho wants to talk about the REAL Kevin Owens but first has to acknowledge the Friends of Jericho, who he'd like to “CHEER ME ON MAN!” Chris gets back to the point and shows us a picture of Owens at 16 years old in a Y2J shirt, doing a Jericho pose.
That looks like a fan of Jericho and “he was marking out man!”. Then he was signed to WWE in 2014 and actually sent Jericho a DM on Twitter (which we see) where he asked if Jericho had any advice. At the end, Owens said he'd be there if Jericho needed anything. That brings us to Fastlane, where Owens was terrified when Jericho came out.
See, the truth is that Jericho isn't Owens' friend because he's Owens' idol. At Wrestlemania, Owens is facing his hero and idol, the best in the world, the Ayatollah, Chris Jericho man! Do you know what happen when you stab Chris Jericho in the back? Cue Samoa Joe for a distraction so Owens can jump Jericho from behind. Owens gives him the Pop Up Powerbomb and RIPS UP THE LIST!
We look at Strowman and Reigns' contract signing from last month.
TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
Perkins sends him outside for the slingshot dropkick, followed by a high crossbody for two. Not that it matters as Perkins gets caught in Sliced Bread #2 for the pin at 1:25.
Post match Kendrick talks about Akira Tozawa not being in the country and pulls out Tozawa's passport. So how did he leave the country?
Roman Reigns says this is his yard.
Long video on Goldberg vs. Lesnar, focusing on Goldberg's rise and their Wrestlemania XX match.
Stephanie makes Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Enzo/Big Cass/Gallows/Anderson. If Sheamus and Cesaro lose, they're out of the triple threat.
Nia Jax vs. Bayley
Non-title and No DQ. Bayley goes right after her to start but gets knocked outside with Nia throwing her around like she's not even there. The running hip attack hits the steps though and we take a break. Back with Nia holding a chinlock before dropping some big elbows. With that not going anywhere, Nia takes her outside and swings Bayley into the barricade a few times. It's chair time but Bayley baseball slides it into her face. The fans are doing the Wave and chating for Sasha as Bayley gets in a high crossbody for two. Now it's off to the CM Punk chants as the Samoan drop ends Bayley at 10:10.
Women's History Month video on Mae Young.
Here's an in-ring sitdown interview with HHH. The boss talks over the CM Punk chants and explains how people like Mick Foley started listening to the fans, just like Seth Rollins. HHH talks about the end of last week's show and we see it again (third time tonight). HHH: “That's on you!” He finds it funny that the crutch had to use a crutch to come to the ring last week and it was the crutch that cost him in the end. He's done with Rollins because Seth won't be able to fight at Wrestlemania.
HHH has pulled some tickets for Rollins and hands them to Cole before going to leave. Not so fast though as HHH thinks we might need to get this over with once and for all. Everyone wants to see this fight so he'll draw up a release saying Seth can't sue HHH for ending his career. If Rollins is the man he thinks he is, he'll show up next week and sign the paperwork so they can have the match.
Clip of Reigns beating Strowman at Fastlane.
Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass do their thing before the match and get in a fight with Anderson and Gallows. The distraction sets up a Brogue Kick on Gallows for the pin at 36 seconds.
Enzo and Cass beat up the champs again post match.
New Day is in the back and Big E. asks if Woods has anything to tell him about. That would be Wrestlemania actually as the trio talks about the bigger matches. Big E. is really, really excited for Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. They even act out a little bit of the buildup.
Austin Aries vs. Tony Nese
Aries claps his hands around Nese's ears to start but gets forearmed in the face as we take an early break. Back with Nese holding him in a torture rack but missing a springboard moonsault. Aries comes back with a suplex and the very popular Pendulum Elbow. A missile dropkick sets up the discus five-arm (dang it Terry Taylor) for the pin at 7:55.
Post match Neville comes out and Aries is more than ready to go. Neville says he's not wasting his time going to the ring because Aries is beneath him. Aries sees a man who knows he has to face the greatest man who ever lived. Over the next thirteen days, Neville needs to enjoy the title while it lasts because it's time for the title to go to the A-Double Level.
Emma is coming soon.
Video on Goldberg vs. Lesnar over the last few months.
Strowman says he's going to destroy Reigns.
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
Reigns starts fast and knocks Strowman to the floor but the apron dropkick is broken up with one heck of a clothesline. Back in and a hard whip sends Reigns into the buckle before we hit a very big chinlock. Reigns fights up with some clotheslines before avoiding a charge in the corner.
That means more clotheslines but he has to escape a chokeslam. The Samoan drop (with some effort) gets two and the apron dropkick makes things even worse for Braun. Not that it matters as Reigns is whipped hard into the steps, which are then thrown into the ring. Roman Superman Punches them out of his hand though and escapes the powerslam. Another Superman Punch drops Braun and Reigns loads the spear, only to have Undertaker appear in the ring. Undertaker actually chokeslams Strowman, winces a lot and turns around for the spear. We'll say the match is a no contest at about 9:00.
Reigns leaves and Undertaker sits up about thirty seconds later, which Graves says should shake Reigns' confidence.
Results
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn – Koquina Clutch
Charlotte b. Dana Brooke – Big boot
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins – Sliced Bread #2
Nia Jax b. Bayley – Samoan drop
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows – Brogue Kick to Gallows
Austin Aries b. Tony Nese – Discus Five Arm
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman went to a no contest when Undertaker interfered
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 21, 2017
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
We've got two shows left before Wrestlemania XXXIII and it's not likely that any brand new ideas are going to be added to the card. Odds are we'll have Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin confirmed and we're guaranteed to see American Alpha defending the Smackdown Tag Team Titles against the Usos. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap of Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles from last week, including Daniel Bryan firing AJ.
Bryan is in his office when AJ comes in. Shane isn't here tonight but Bryan warns AJ to watch his steps. Styles says tonight, everyone is going to find out what it means to beat up Shane McMahon.
Mauro Ranallo is out sick this week. This is starting to get a bit suspicious.
Here's AJ to the ring for a chat. It's been seven days since he did what he did to Shane and he doesn't feel a bit wrong about his actions. Shane's challenge is accepted because AJ wants to be part of Wrestlemania but the question is why would Shane want to face him at Wrestlemania. As for tonight, he's going to be waiting for Shane to arrive again and we'll see if it's even worse than last week.
Baron Corbin asks Bryan if Dean Ambrose has accepted his Wrestlemania challenge. Bryan hasn't heard from Ambrose in weeks so tonight, Corbin can face Randy Orton.
Tag Team Titles: American Alpha vs. Usos
Alpha is defending after the Usos beat them last week. Jordan takes Jimmy down to the mat to start and the twins are in early trouble. A double clothesline sends both Usos outside and it's all champions as we take a break. Back with Gable fighting out of a chinlock but getting sent chest first into the buckle ala Bret Hart.
Chad breaks away but gets sent to the floor instead making the tag. That's good for a nine count before Gable is put in the Tree of Woe. Of course he powers up to avoid a charge and the hot tag brings in Jordan. An Angle Slam (they're just trolling us now) gets two on Jey but Jimmy escapes the Steiner Bulldog.
Back to back superkicks puts both champs down and the Superfly Splash is good for a very near fall. Jordan breaks up another splash and Jey is superplexed down. The Steiner Bulldog is only good for two as Jimmy makes the save. I completely bought that as the finish. With the other three down on the floor, Gable moonsaults down onto everyone. Back in and Jordan gets crotched on the middle rope, allowing Jimmy to superkick him down for the pin and the titles at 12:32.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot.
Luke Harper wants Bray Wyatt next week.
Miz and Maryse have a special never before seen episode of Total Bellas. It's Maryse as both Bellas (a really, really good look for her) and of course mocking everything the two of them do. Maryse as Nikki: “Of course I'm Nikki! I'M THE ONE WITH THE HAT!” Maryse as Brie: “BRIE MODE!” Cue Miz as John Cena, who has a bunch of rules like no singing. Since Nikki has followed a rule, he'll pop a question to her, meaning he has a big balloon labeled “the question” which he pops.
Again, I have no idea why I'm supposed to boo Miz and Maryse. If you watch the show, which is supposed to be REALITY, this is exactly what Cena and the Bellas are like. Cena is a control freak who has a ridiculous set of rules and the Bellas are two of the dumbest people who have ever lived. Why am I supposed to cheer for them?
Baron Corbin vs. Randy Orton
Corbin shoulders him down to start but gets sent into the corner for some uppercuts and right hands. A hard whip into the post keeps Orton down though and it's off to a break. Back with Corbin sliding underneath the ropes and back in for his clothesline. Orton grabs the powerslam (that's always good looking) but can't hit the elevated DDT.
Instead they go outside with Orton sending him into various metal objects like a good viper is supposed to do. Now the DDT hits but of course it's too early for the first RKO, meaning Corbin gets two off Deep Six instead. They head outside again (happening too often) and Corbin goes into the steps. Back in again and here's Ambrose for the distraction, setting up the RKO for the pin at 12:49.
Corbin vs. Ambrose for the title is official at Wrestlemania.
Orton is in the back talking about his match when the lights start to flicker. He tells Bray to show himself but here are an army of people in sheep masks to beat Orton down. Bray appears and seems to bless Orton with a red X on the end. Wyatt kneels in front of him and says Orton changed him by exposing his one weakness. The power of Sister Abigail lives inside him forever and it's time to sing.
Fandango vs. John Cena
Tyler Breeze is dressed as Nikki Bella, which is far too common of a thing tonight. Before the match, Fandango gives Cena fashion tickets and introduces Breeze as his muscle. This brings out the real Nikki. The bell rings and Cena does his normal stuff but here's Breeze to the apron. Nikki comes in to spear him down and hits the Rack Attack 2.0. Stereo STF's give us simultaneous taps at 1:29. For a Southpaw Regional Wrestling related match, I've seen worse.
Carmella vs. Becky Lynch
Natalya is on commentary and comes in to hit Carmella for the DQ.
Post match Mickie James and Alexa Bliss come out for the big brawl with Bliss being the last woman standing.
Time for more Total Bellas with Miz (as Cena) reading his affections for Maryse (as Nikki) off cue cards and giving her a diamond.......Dallas Page yoga set. As we see the kitchen (the TV kitchen where the unseen servants prepare food off camera so we can feel relatable to the show you see), Miz gives her a WWE ring (“It's to scale!”
. Later, in the bedroom, which is TOTALLY where Cena sleeps, Miz agrees to tie the knot. On his shoes you see. Maryse is sad to end things. These are hilarious and makes me cheer for Miz and Maryse even more.
AJ is still waiting but is disappointed when Rhyno and Heath Slater arrive. With fifteen minutes left. Why is Shane even bothering to show up at this point?
Actually never mind as Shane is in the arena, which doesn't please AJ. Back from a break with Shane, sporting one heck of a black eye, calling AJ out. We see Styles making the long walk to the ring and he takes his time going through the curtain. AJ wants to apologize but Shane beats on him anyway. Styles suplexes him into the barricade and loads up the announcers' table, only to have Shane hit him in the head with a monitor. Shane goes up top for the big elbow.....which MIGHT have grazed AJ's forearm. The fans call BS on it as Shane slowly gets up to end the show.
Results
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Randy Orton b. Baron Corbin – RKO
John Cena b. Fandango – STF
Carmella b. Becky Lynch via DQ when Natalya interfered
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 22, 2017
Location: University Area CDC Gymnasium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness, Tom Phillips
The main roster isn't the only place where we're getting ready for a major show. There are only two episodes of NXT left before Takeover: Orlando and that means we need to hammer out the rest of the card. While the three title matches are set, you need a lot more than that to make a full show. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Tye Dillinger/No Way Jose/Roderick Strong vs. Sanity.
Opening sequence.
Oney Lorcan vs. Andrade Cien Almas
This is over Lorcan standing up to Almas for bullying Hoho Lun last week. Lorcan shoves him down to start and Almas takes an early break on the floor. Back in and Almas loses a strike off, sending him right back outside. A chase goes badly for Almas too as he can't get anything going so far.
Finally he's able to send Lorcan head first into the corner before a running slap to the face makes Oney even madder. Lorcan pops back up and knocks him to the floor, only to dive off the steps and into a slam. We come back from a break with Lorcan going hard into the buckle so Andrade can do that cocky grin of his. We hit the chinlock to trigger Lorcan's comeback, which includes a rather hard clothesline. A running Blockbuster is good for two but the half and half suplex is easily blocked.
One heck of a running European uppercut sends Almas outside and a big flip dive takes him down again. Four straight running charges in the corner set up the half and half for a VERY close two, which is pretty much going to do it for Oney's chances. Almas avoids a dive off the top and cartwheels into a kick to the back of the head, followed by a clothesline to turn Oney inside out for two. The announcers are selling the heck out of these shots and the kickouts. The running double knees in the corner knock Lorcan silly though and the hammerlock DDT puts him away at 13:52.
DIY has gone around the world and they're ready to show that all they need is a chance. They got one here in NXT and didn't get along with the Revival from the day they got here. That led them to Takeover: Toronto and the greatest night of their lives but here comes the Authors of Pain to cue their dreams off again. DIY is a state of mind though and it's all about everyone who has been there for them over the years. They'll have their moment. This was a really solid promo from people you don't expect to hear them from.
Alistir Black video.
We look back at Ember Moon Eclipsing Billie Kay onto the injured list (if that was a work, Kay is a better actress than I thought).
Asuka vs. Priscilla Zumiga
Non-title and there's a good chance I heard the jobber's name but I'm pretty sure she's better known as Angel Rose. The bell rings and Asuka asks for a mic. She says this is for Ember Moon and takes Priscilla's head off with a kick. Zumiga makes the mistake of hitting Asuka and gets kicked in the head again. That's only good for two though as Asuka pulls up before the three. More hard strikes (Watson: “She might be trying to send a message to Moon!” Phillips: “You think?” set up the Asuka Lock for the submission at 2:56.
Post match Asuka screams in Japanese before saying “no Eclipse”. They're doing a great job of selling the idea that Ember has one big shot but otherwise she probably can't hang with Asuka. That makes sense and is a great way to get the title off Asuka if she's moving up.
The Revival says their name isn't just a slogan. They've studied the best and of course they're better than the best, including Arn and Tully, the Midnight Express and the Hart Foundation. They might not do a bunch of flips but they're going to wind up on top of all their opponents. In Orlando, it's their fate to become the greatest team of all time and that's what they're going to do.
Next week it's Akum vs. Wilder vs. Gargano to preview the triple threat title match.
Long video on Bobby Roode vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. The idea is that it started last year when Nakamura made his debut and Roode showed up in the crowd, which was supposed to take the focus away from the in-ring action (not really but it's fine for a plot point). Then Roode built himself up and surprised the champ by going after his knee. Nakamura went surfing and is ready for his rematch because he knows how to handle Roode.
No Way Jose, Tye Dillinger and Roderick Strong are ready for Sanity because they have a fair numbers game for once.
Heavy Machinery is coming next week.
Last week, Kassius Ohno said he didn't expect to start off his second NXT run with a loss. Cue Elias Samson to sing about Ohno never being a champion and doesn't belong here. Ohno doesn't take kindly to this and Samson leaves.
Almas is ready to face Black in his debut at Takeover.
Sanity vs. No Way Jose/Tye Dillinger/Roderick Strong
Sanity is pulled outside to start and the brawl is on until Dillinger works on Wolfe's knee with a series of stomps. Wolfe and Dain are sent outside for a big dive from Strong and we take a break. Back with Jose catching Wolfe in a side slam and stopping Young with a raised elbow in the corner. Dain finally takes over on Jose and the double teaming begins, only to have Jose roll over and make the hot tag to Strong. They're certainly moving here. Everything breaks down though and the match is thrown out at 11:03.
The brawl keeps going after the bell with Dillinger stomping on Young until Nikki Cross jumps on his back. Cue the debuting Heidi Lovelace (not named on screen but the fans call her Ruby, as in her NXT name Ruby Riot) to take care of Cross, allowing the three guys to take out Dain to end the show.
Results
Andrade Cien Almas b. Oney Lorcan – Hammerlock DDT
Asuka b. Priscilla Zumiga – Asuka Lock
Sanity vs. Tye Dillinger/Roderick Strong/No Way Jose went to a double DQ when all six brawled
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 23, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We're on to week three of the reboot and hopefully last week's improvements continue here. Last week's show was a slight upgrade from the borderline disaster of the first week but it's not clear where things are going. The big story coming out of last week was the announcement of a Tag Team Title tournament which starts next week. Let's get to it.
We open with a detailed recap of last week's show.
Opening sequence.
Davey Richards vs. Suicide
Davey, billed as the Lone Wolf, comes out with Angelina Love. Richards is quickly sent to the floor so Suicide can follow him out with a big dive. That's about it for Suicide though as Davey knocks him around and hits a hard clothesline back inside. Some kicks to the ribs have Suicide in more trouble but Davey stops to kiss Angelina. A springboard missile dropkick sends Davey outside again and, naturally, a suicide dive follows. Back in again with Davey hitting a Saito suplex but missing the top rope stomp. Not that it matters as Creeping Death is good for the pin on Suicide at 6:00.
Josh yells at JB for saying “she” is here over and over. Josh: “STOP USING PRONOUNS!”
We go to LAX's headquarters where Konnan talks about bringing violence out of Tijuana.
Laurel Van Ness is still falling apart when Sienna comes in to try and calm them down. She has a surprise for Allie and Braxton Sutter. Sienna also advises a shower but Laurel sings the Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow instead.
Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.
Bahh and Bokara are the Monster Factory Tag Team Champions and from the Philippines/Croatia respectively. Idris and Garza start things off with Garza armdragging him to the mat and stopping to take off his (as in his own) pants. The 400lbs Baah (looks a bit like Yokozuna) comes in and shoves Laredo around before crushing him with a crossbody. It's off to Mario to rip at the mask as Josh talks about where we can see Schitt's Creek on demand. Laredo gets in a cutter on Abraham and the hot tag brings in Shera to clean house. A spinebuster plants Bahh and the Sky High ends Mario at 5:21.
A limo is here.
Decay vs. Reno Scum
Adam and Steve start things off with Thornstone hitting a standing moonsault, only to have Abyss come in for the staredown with Luster. That means shouting OY a lot and Abyss' headbutt has no effect. Abyss gets headbutted into the corner and it's back to Steve as JB says Reno Scum debuted last week (two weeks ago).
Thornstone is sent outside for some shots from Rosemary, followed by a lick from Steve. The beating continues with Abyss choking away and saying how good it feels. The hot tag brings in Luster for a fisherman's buster as everything breaks down. Rosemary mists Steve by mistake and gets thrown onto Abyss. That leaves Luster to hold Steve up for a leapfrog into a double stomp from Adam for the pin at 6:56.
Fury is unleashed on April 6.
Grand Championship: Eli Drake vs. Moose
Moose is defending Drake has Tyrus in his corner. And never mind as Cody, in a Bullet Club hoodie, has jumped Moose backstage. Cross Rhodes on the ramp leaves Moose laying and there's no match.
Here's LAX (with five members) to say they're here for the Tag Team Titles. Konnan says they're here to live and die in LAX and Homicide adds 5150.
LAX vs. DCC
It's Santana/Ortiz for LAX vs. Storm/Bram. Storm gets double teamed to start and Santana drops an assisted moonsault. The comeback is cut off and we take an early break. Back with Storm getting in a Backstabber on Ortiz but Santana keeps him in the corner. Storm finally gets over for the hot tag to Bram so house can be cleaned.
Not that it really matters though as it's back to Storm just a few moments later. We get the stupid make one partner DDT another spot with Storm grabbing a neckrbeaker on Ortiz who DDT's Santana. Kingston hits Storm by mistake though and a kind of double team belly to back flip suplex puts Storm away at 11:03.
Post match Storm gets in an argument with Kingston which should signal the beginning of the end.
Earlier this week, Bruce Prichard sat down with Lashley to talk about his wrestling history. He's wrestled everywhere and is really good. More on this later. Of all the people on the roster, the multiple time World Champion needs a get to know you interview? He was acting like a face here too so maybe he's turning. Or they don't know how to do an interview.
DJZ wants to make Impact Wrestling great.
Moose vs. Cody for the Grand Championship is set for next week.
Braxton Sutter and Allie aren't worried about Sienna's threats.
Rebel vs. ODB
Rebel knocks her to the floor to start but misses a top rope splash back inside. ODB takes a hit from the flask and there's a Bronco Buster. ODB: “I'm a classy broad!” Rebel grabs her cowboy hat so Earl Hebner takes it away and kisses her because sexual assault is totally ok. Early puts the hat on and takes a hit from the flask, earning himself a kiss from ODB. That means a Flair Flop from Earl and a TKO to Rebel for the pin at 4:01.
More from the Lashley interview. He was about to go to the Olympics but was in a bank when a robbery broke out, which caused a knee injury. He's here now and ready to work as hard as ever. You mean the World Champion is going to work hard?
Lashley vs. Jake Holmes
Non-title. Lashley stomps him down, stomps him down some more, hits a Dominator for two, delays a vertical suplex and hits the spear for the pin at 1:54.
JB is in the ring for the big return of......Karen Jarrett. Karen is full on face here, signing an autograph on the way to the ring. You know, because time can heal all wounds since she was the evil villain before. We get a bunch of pro-Karen chants as she's overwhelmed by the reaction. Karen talks about all the positive energy around here but gets cut off by a FIRE JOSH chant. Karen keeps going about how special this is but Ethan Carter III cuts her off.
Ethan talks about how awesome the fans are and calls them all his friends. Everyone around here makes this place great but it's all about the locker room. We all want to make Impact great and he's done what he can do to so as the greatest original star this company has ever had. He's going to do it for his own last name though....and here's Josh to say stop all this.
Josh yells about being put at the table with the JV squad while Karen assembles this team of authority figures like Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel. These people are here because they couldn't afford a ticket so they need to shut up (they edited out the part where he said “couldn't afford a ticket to NXT”. Josh talks about his problem being with Karen and being married to Madison Rayne. It's only a matter of time before the Jarrett Family is gone from Impact Wrestling forever. Karen slaps him down to end the show.
Results
Davey Richards b. Suicide – Creeping Death
Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Sky High to Bokara
Reno Scum b. Decay – Double stomp to Steve
LAX b. DCC – Double team belly to back flip suplex to Storm
ODB b. Rebel – TKO
Lashley b. Jake Holmes – Spear
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn – Koquina Clutch
Charlotte b. Dana Brooke – Big boot
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins – Sliced Bread #2
Nia Jax b. Bayley – Samoan drop
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows – Brogue Kick to Gallows
Austin Aries b. Tony Nese – Discus Five Arm
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman went to a no contest when Undertaker interfered
Smackdown
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Randy Orton b. Baron Corbin – RKO
John Cena b. Fandango – STF
Carmella b. Becky Lynch via DQ when Natalya interfered
NXT
Andrade Cien Almas b. Oney Lorcan – Hammerlock DDT
Asuka b. Priscilla Zumiga – Asuka Lock
Sanity vs. Tye Dillinger/Roderick Strong/No Way Jose went to a double DQ when all six brawled
Impact Wrestling
Davey Richards b. Suicide – Creeping Death
Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Sky High to Bokara
Reno Scum b. Decay – Double stomp to Steve
LAX b. DCC – Double team belly to back flip suplex to Storm
ODB b. Rebel – TKO
Lashley b. Jake Holmes – Spear
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 20, 2017
Location: Barclays Center, New York Center, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
WE WANT PAIGE! Sorry just thought I'd get you used to those tonight as the New York crowd is going to let you know about it all night long. We're less than two weeks away from Wrestlemania and there's a good chance tonight is going to be all about the big push towards the show. Already announced tonight is Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman and Kevin Owens on the Highlight Reel. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap of the end of last week's show with Mick Foley being told he had to fire someone and getting in a fight with HHH as a result. This led to Seth Rollins coming out and brawling with HHH as well until a crutch to the knee took Rollins down to end the show.
Here's Mick Foley to get things going but he has to read a speech off some cards, thanking HHH and Stephanie for giving him his job. He talks about the end of last week's show and how stupid it was. Foley says he's taking a leave of absence but goes on a rant about how he was given these stupid cards ten minutes before the show started. He's been in this business for thirty one years and this is how he's treated. Foley: “I'M MICK FREAKING FOLEY!” The mic gets cut off and here's Stephanie to a rousing chorus of boos.
Stephanie rips on Foley for not being able to do anything right and finally fires him. Cue Sami Zayn of all people to say that Foley has had more integrity in the last nine months than she's had in her whole life. Sami rips on her but she laughs him off and says Sami isn't worthy to speak to her at all, let alone like this. She tells him to get out of here but Sami says he's going to stay here and do the right thing. Cue Samoa Joe (with Stephanie talking over his music) and we've got a match. Sami hits a big flip dive before a break or the bell.
Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
Joined in progress with Sami firing off some forearms until a hard elbow to the face puts him down. Joe's big kneedrop gets two and the powerslam gets the same as Corey sums up Joe in a single line: “Beating will continue until morality improves.” That's an old Craig Pittman line (don't bother looking it up) and one of my favorites ever. The Muscle Buster is broken up so Joe knocks him outside for the suicide elbow.
Back from a break with Sami caught in a bow and arrow and shaking his head rather hard. Sami gets up and hits one heck of a clothesline to sent Joe outside but Joe is right there to break up the suicide dive. Joe gets posted and the diving DDT through the ropes crushes Joe, only to have Sami comes up holding his arm. Back in and the Helluva Kick is countered into the Rock Bottom out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch ends Sami at 12:20.
We look back at Braun Strowman attacking Roman Reigns at the Royal Rumble.
Post break Foley is talking to Sami, who thanks him for everything and says it's a rare instance where it's ok to meet his hero. Sheamus and Cesaro thank Foley for believing him in them and hugs abound. Speaking of hugs, Foley runs into Bayley for another hug but turns around to see HHH, who tells him to have a nice day. Foley leaves, without his luggage for some reason.
We look back at Rollins vs. HHH from last week.
Video of Rollins' rehab.
We get a talk with a doctor, who says Seth's knee has been re-aggravated and only the brace saved it from being horrible. It's going to be several MONTHS before Rollins is ready to compete but there's a big reason to believe he'll be at Wrestlemania anyway. No doctor will clear him in time.
Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke
Fallout from Charlotte turning on Dana last week. Dana waistlocks her to the mat and hammers away in the corner, sending Charlotte out to the floor for a breather. Back in and Dana gets two off a clothesline followed by an elbow drop. Charlotte looks stunned as a WE WANT PAIGE (to the NEW DAY ROCKS beat) starts up. A quick big boot takes Dana's head off for the pin at 3:40. That was Charlotte's only major offensive move.
Bayley questions Stephanie's actions so she makes Nia Jax vs. Bayley for later tonight. If Nia wins, the Women's Title match at Wrestlemania is a fatal four way. We'll throw in a bonus by making it No DQ.
Here's Jericho for the Highlight Reel. Jericho wants to talk about the REAL Kevin Owens but first has to acknowledge the Friends of Jericho, who he'd like to “CHEER ME ON MAN!” Chris gets back to the point and shows us a picture of Owens at 16 years old in a Y2J shirt, doing a Jericho pose.
That looks like a fan of Jericho and “he was marking out man!”. Then he was signed to WWE in 2014 and actually sent Jericho a DM on Twitter (which we see) where he asked if Jericho had any advice. At the end, Owens said he'd be there if Jericho needed anything. That brings us to Fastlane, where Owens was terrified when Jericho came out.
See, the truth is that Jericho isn't Owens' friend because he's Owens' idol. At Wrestlemania, Owens is facing his hero and idol, the best in the world, the Ayatollah, Chris Jericho man! Do you know what happen when you stab Chris Jericho in the back? Cue Samoa Joe for a distraction so Owens can jump Jericho from behind. Owens gives him the Pop Up Powerbomb and RIPS UP THE LIST!
We look at Strowman and Reigns' contract signing from last month.
TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
Perkins sends him outside for the slingshot dropkick, followed by a high crossbody for two. Not that it matters as Perkins gets caught in Sliced Bread #2 for the pin at 1:25.
Post match Kendrick talks about Akira Tozawa not being in the country and pulls out Tozawa's passport. So how did he leave the country?
Roman Reigns says this is his yard.
Long video on Goldberg vs. Lesnar, focusing on Goldberg's rise and their Wrestlemania XX match.
Stephanie makes Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Enzo/Big Cass/Gallows/Anderson. If Sheamus and Cesaro lose, they're out of the triple threat.
Nia Jax vs. Bayley
Non-title and No DQ. Bayley goes right after her to start but gets knocked outside with Nia throwing her around like she's not even there. The running hip attack hits the steps though and we take a break. Back with Nia holding a chinlock before dropping some big elbows. With that not going anywhere, Nia takes her outside and swings Bayley into the barricade a few times. It's chair time but Bayley baseball slides it into her face. The fans are doing the Wave and chating for Sasha as Bayley gets in a high crossbody for two. Now it's off to the CM Punk chants as the Samoan drop ends Bayley at 10:10.
Women's History Month video on Mae Young.
Here's an in-ring sitdown interview with HHH. The boss talks over the CM Punk chants and explains how people like Mick Foley started listening to the fans, just like Seth Rollins. HHH talks about the end of last week's show and we see it again (third time tonight). HHH: “That's on you!” He finds it funny that the crutch had to use a crutch to come to the ring last week and it was the crutch that cost him in the end. He's done with Rollins because Seth won't be able to fight at Wrestlemania.
HHH has pulled some tickets for Rollins and hands them to Cole before going to leave. Not so fast though as HHH thinks we might need to get this over with once and for all. Everyone wants to see this fight so he'll draw up a release saying Seth can't sue HHH for ending his career. If Rollins is the man he thinks he is, he'll show up next week and sign the paperwork so they can have the match.
Clip of Reigns beating Strowman at Fastlane.
Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass do their thing before the match and get in a fight with Anderson and Gallows. The distraction sets up a Brogue Kick on Gallows for the pin at 36 seconds.
Enzo and Cass beat up the champs again post match.
New Day is in the back and Big E. asks if Woods has anything to tell him about. That would be Wrestlemania actually as the trio talks about the bigger matches. Big E. is really, really excited for Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. They even act out a little bit of the buildup.
Austin Aries vs. Tony Nese
Aries claps his hands around Nese's ears to start but gets forearmed in the face as we take an early break. Back with Nese holding him in a torture rack but missing a springboard moonsault. Aries comes back with a suplex and the very popular Pendulum Elbow. A missile dropkick sets up the discus five-arm (dang it Terry Taylor) for the pin at 7:55.
Post match Neville comes out and Aries is more than ready to go. Neville says he's not wasting his time going to the ring because Aries is beneath him. Aries sees a man who knows he has to face the greatest man who ever lived. Over the next thirteen days, Neville needs to enjoy the title while it lasts because it's time for the title to go to the A-Double Level.
Emma is coming soon.
Video on Goldberg vs. Lesnar over the last few months.
Strowman says he's going to destroy Reigns.
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
Reigns starts fast and knocks Strowman to the floor but the apron dropkick is broken up with one heck of a clothesline. Back in and a hard whip sends Reigns into the buckle before we hit a very big chinlock. Reigns fights up with some clotheslines before avoiding a charge in the corner.
That means more clotheslines but he has to escape a chokeslam. The Samoan drop (with some effort) gets two and the apron dropkick makes things even worse for Braun. Not that it matters as Reigns is whipped hard into the steps, which are then thrown into the ring. Roman Superman Punches them out of his hand though and escapes the powerslam. Another Superman Punch drops Braun and Reigns loads the spear, only to have Undertaker appear in the ring. Undertaker actually chokeslams Strowman, winces a lot and turns around for the spear. We'll say the match is a no contest at about 9:00.
Reigns leaves and Undertaker sits up about thirty seconds later, which Graves says should shake Reigns' confidence.
Results
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn – Koquina Clutch
Charlotte b. Dana Brooke – Big boot
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins – Sliced Bread #2
Nia Jax b. Bayley – Samoan drop
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows – Brogue Kick to Gallows
Austin Aries b. Tony Nese – Discus Five Arm
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman went to a no contest when Undertaker interfered
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 21, 2017
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
We've got two shows left before Wrestlemania XXXIII and it's not likely that any brand new ideas are going to be added to the card. Odds are we'll have Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin confirmed and we're guaranteed to see American Alpha defending the Smackdown Tag Team Titles against the Usos. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap of Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles from last week, including Daniel Bryan firing AJ.
Bryan is in his office when AJ comes in. Shane isn't here tonight but Bryan warns AJ to watch his steps. Styles says tonight, everyone is going to find out what it means to beat up Shane McMahon.
Mauro Ranallo is out sick this week. This is starting to get a bit suspicious.
Here's AJ to the ring for a chat. It's been seven days since he did what he did to Shane and he doesn't feel a bit wrong about his actions. Shane's challenge is accepted because AJ wants to be part of Wrestlemania but the question is why would Shane want to face him at Wrestlemania. As for tonight, he's going to be waiting for Shane to arrive again and we'll see if it's even worse than last week.
Baron Corbin asks Bryan if Dean Ambrose has accepted his Wrestlemania challenge. Bryan hasn't heard from Ambrose in weeks so tonight, Corbin can face Randy Orton.
Tag Team Titles: American Alpha vs. Usos
Alpha is defending after the Usos beat them last week. Jordan takes Jimmy down to the mat to start and the twins are in early trouble. A double clothesline sends both Usos outside and it's all champions as we take a break. Back with Gable fighting out of a chinlock but getting sent chest first into the buckle ala Bret Hart.
Chad breaks away but gets sent to the floor instead making the tag. That's good for a nine count before Gable is put in the Tree of Woe. Of course he powers up to avoid a charge and the hot tag brings in Jordan. An Angle Slam (they're just trolling us now) gets two on Jey but Jimmy escapes the Steiner Bulldog.
Back to back superkicks puts both champs down and the Superfly Splash is good for a very near fall. Jordan breaks up another splash and Jey is superplexed down. The Steiner Bulldog is only good for two as Jimmy makes the save. I completely bought that as the finish. With the other three down on the floor, Gable moonsaults down onto everyone. Back in and Jordan gets crotched on the middle rope, allowing Jimmy to superkick him down for the pin and the titles at 12:32.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot.
Luke Harper wants Bray Wyatt next week.
Miz and Maryse have a special never before seen episode of Total Bellas. It's Maryse as both Bellas (a really, really good look for her) and of course mocking everything the two of them do. Maryse as Nikki: “Of course I'm Nikki! I'M THE ONE WITH THE HAT!” Maryse as Brie: “BRIE MODE!” Cue Miz as John Cena, who has a bunch of rules like no singing. Since Nikki has followed a rule, he'll pop a question to her, meaning he has a big balloon labeled “the question” which he pops.
Again, I have no idea why I'm supposed to boo Miz and Maryse. If you watch the show, which is supposed to be REALITY, this is exactly what Cena and the Bellas are like. Cena is a control freak who has a ridiculous set of rules and the Bellas are two of the dumbest people who have ever lived. Why am I supposed to cheer for them?
Baron Corbin vs. Randy Orton
Corbin shoulders him down to start but gets sent into the corner for some uppercuts and right hands. A hard whip into the post keeps Orton down though and it's off to a break. Back with Corbin sliding underneath the ropes and back in for his clothesline. Orton grabs the powerslam (that's always good looking) but can't hit the elevated DDT.
Instead they go outside with Orton sending him into various metal objects like a good viper is supposed to do. Now the DDT hits but of course it's too early for the first RKO, meaning Corbin gets two off Deep Six instead. They head outside again (happening too often) and Corbin goes into the steps. Back in again and here's Ambrose for the distraction, setting up the RKO for the pin at 12:49.
Corbin vs. Ambrose for the title is official at Wrestlemania.
Orton is in the back talking about his match when the lights start to flicker. He tells Bray to show himself but here are an army of people in sheep masks to beat Orton down. Bray appears and seems to bless Orton with a red X on the end. Wyatt kneels in front of him and says Orton changed him by exposing his one weakness. The power of Sister Abigail lives inside him forever and it's time to sing.
Fandango vs. John Cena
Tyler Breeze is dressed as Nikki Bella, which is far too common of a thing tonight. Before the match, Fandango gives Cena fashion tickets and introduces Breeze as his muscle. This brings out the real Nikki. The bell rings and Cena does his normal stuff but here's Breeze to the apron. Nikki comes in to spear him down and hits the Rack Attack 2.0. Stereo STF's give us simultaneous taps at 1:29. For a Southpaw Regional Wrestling related match, I've seen worse.
Carmella vs. Becky Lynch
Natalya is on commentary and comes in to hit Carmella for the DQ.
Post match Mickie James and Alexa Bliss come out for the big brawl with Bliss being the last woman standing.
Time for more Total Bellas with Miz (as Cena) reading his affections for Maryse (as Nikki) off cue cards and giving her a diamond.......Dallas Page yoga set. As we see the kitchen (the TV kitchen where the unseen servants prepare food off camera so we can feel relatable to the show you see), Miz gives her a WWE ring (“It's to scale!”
. Later, in the bedroom, which is TOTALLY where Cena sleeps, Miz agrees to tie the knot. On his shoes you see. Maryse is sad to end things. These are hilarious and makes me cheer for Miz and Maryse even more.AJ is still waiting but is disappointed when Rhyno and Heath Slater arrive. With fifteen minutes left. Why is Shane even bothering to show up at this point?
Actually never mind as Shane is in the arena, which doesn't please AJ. Back from a break with Shane, sporting one heck of a black eye, calling AJ out. We see Styles making the long walk to the ring and he takes his time going through the curtain. AJ wants to apologize but Shane beats on him anyway. Styles suplexes him into the barricade and loads up the announcers' table, only to have Shane hit him in the head with a monitor. Shane goes up top for the big elbow.....which MIGHT have grazed AJ's forearm. The fans call BS on it as Shane slowly gets up to end the show.
Results
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Randy Orton b. Baron Corbin – RKO
John Cena b. Fandango – STF
Carmella b. Becky Lynch via DQ when Natalya interfered
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 22, 2017
Location: University Area CDC Gymnasium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness, Tom Phillips
The main roster isn't the only place where we're getting ready for a major show. There are only two episodes of NXT left before Takeover: Orlando and that means we need to hammer out the rest of the card. While the three title matches are set, you need a lot more than that to make a full show. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Tye Dillinger/No Way Jose/Roderick Strong vs. Sanity.
Opening sequence.
Oney Lorcan vs. Andrade Cien Almas
This is over Lorcan standing up to Almas for bullying Hoho Lun last week. Lorcan shoves him down to start and Almas takes an early break on the floor. Back in and Almas loses a strike off, sending him right back outside. A chase goes badly for Almas too as he can't get anything going so far.
Finally he's able to send Lorcan head first into the corner before a running slap to the face makes Oney even madder. Lorcan pops back up and knocks him to the floor, only to dive off the steps and into a slam. We come back from a break with Lorcan going hard into the buckle so Andrade can do that cocky grin of his. We hit the chinlock to trigger Lorcan's comeback, which includes a rather hard clothesline. A running Blockbuster is good for two but the half and half suplex is easily blocked.
One heck of a running European uppercut sends Almas outside and a big flip dive takes him down again. Four straight running charges in the corner set up the half and half for a VERY close two, which is pretty much going to do it for Oney's chances. Almas avoids a dive off the top and cartwheels into a kick to the back of the head, followed by a clothesline to turn Oney inside out for two. The announcers are selling the heck out of these shots and the kickouts. The running double knees in the corner knock Lorcan silly though and the hammerlock DDT puts him away at 13:52.
DIY has gone around the world and they're ready to show that all they need is a chance. They got one here in NXT and didn't get along with the Revival from the day they got here. That led them to Takeover: Toronto and the greatest night of their lives but here comes the Authors of Pain to cue their dreams off again. DIY is a state of mind though and it's all about everyone who has been there for them over the years. They'll have their moment. This was a really solid promo from people you don't expect to hear them from.
Alistir Black video.
We look back at Ember Moon Eclipsing Billie Kay onto the injured list (if that was a work, Kay is a better actress than I thought).
Asuka vs. Priscilla Zumiga
Non-title and there's a good chance I heard the jobber's name but I'm pretty sure she's better known as Angel Rose. The bell rings and Asuka asks for a mic. She says this is for Ember Moon and takes Priscilla's head off with a kick. Zumiga makes the mistake of hitting Asuka and gets kicked in the head again. That's only good for two though as Asuka pulls up before the three. More hard strikes (Watson: “She might be trying to send a message to Moon!” Phillips: “You think?”
set up the Asuka Lock for the submission at 2:56.Post match Asuka screams in Japanese before saying “no Eclipse”. They're doing a great job of selling the idea that Ember has one big shot but otherwise she probably can't hang with Asuka. That makes sense and is a great way to get the title off Asuka if she's moving up.
The Revival says their name isn't just a slogan. They've studied the best and of course they're better than the best, including Arn and Tully, the Midnight Express and the Hart Foundation. They might not do a bunch of flips but they're going to wind up on top of all their opponents. In Orlando, it's their fate to become the greatest team of all time and that's what they're going to do.
Next week it's Akum vs. Wilder vs. Gargano to preview the triple threat title match.
Long video on Bobby Roode vs. Shinsuke Nakamura. The idea is that it started last year when Nakamura made his debut and Roode showed up in the crowd, which was supposed to take the focus away from the in-ring action (not really but it's fine for a plot point). Then Roode built himself up and surprised the champ by going after his knee. Nakamura went surfing and is ready for his rematch because he knows how to handle Roode.
No Way Jose, Tye Dillinger and Roderick Strong are ready for Sanity because they have a fair numbers game for once.
Heavy Machinery is coming next week.
Last week, Kassius Ohno said he didn't expect to start off his second NXT run with a loss. Cue Elias Samson to sing about Ohno never being a champion and doesn't belong here. Ohno doesn't take kindly to this and Samson leaves.
Almas is ready to face Black in his debut at Takeover.
Sanity vs. No Way Jose/Tye Dillinger/Roderick Strong
Sanity is pulled outside to start and the brawl is on until Dillinger works on Wolfe's knee with a series of stomps. Wolfe and Dain are sent outside for a big dive from Strong and we take a break. Back with Jose catching Wolfe in a side slam and stopping Young with a raised elbow in the corner. Dain finally takes over on Jose and the double teaming begins, only to have Jose roll over and make the hot tag to Strong. They're certainly moving here. Everything breaks down though and the match is thrown out at 11:03.
The brawl keeps going after the bell with Dillinger stomping on Young until Nikki Cross jumps on his back. Cue the debuting Heidi Lovelace (not named on screen but the fans call her Ruby, as in her NXT name Ruby Riot) to take care of Cross, allowing the three guys to take out Dain to end the show.
Results
Andrade Cien Almas b. Oney Lorcan – Hammerlock DDT
Asuka b. Priscilla Zumiga – Asuka Lock
Sanity vs. Tye Dillinger/Roderick Strong/No Way Jose went to a double DQ when all six brawled
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 23, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, D'Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews
We're on to week three of the reboot and hopefully last week's improvements continue here. Last week's show was a slight upgrade from the borderline disaster of the first week but it's not clear where things are going. The big story coming out of last week was the announcement of a Tag Team Title tournament which starts next week. Let's get to it.
We open with a detailed recap of last week's show.
Opening sequence.
Davey Richards vs. Suicide
Davey, billed as the Lone Wolf, comes out with Angelina Love. Richards is quickly sent to the floor so Suicide can follow him out with a big dive. That's about it for Suicide though as Davey knocks him around and hits a hard clothesline back inside. Some kicks to the ribs have Suicide in more trouble but Davey stops to kiss Angelina. A springboard missile dropkick sends Davey outside again and, naturally, a suicide dive follows. Back in again with Davey hitting a Saito suplex but missing the top rope stomp. Not that it matters as Creeping Death is good for the pin on Suicide at 6:00.
Josh yells at JB for saying “she” is here over and over. Josh: “STOP USING PRONOUNS!”
We go to LAX's headquarters where Konnan talks about bringing violence out of Tijuana.
Laurel Van Ness is still falling apart when Sienna comes in to try and calm them down. She has a surprise for Allie and Braxton Sutter. Sienna also advises a shower but Laurel sings the Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow instead.
Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara vs. Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.
Bahh and Bokara are the Monster Factory Tag Team Champions and from the Philippines/Croatia respectively. Idris and Garza start things off with Garza armdragging him to the mat and stopping to take off his (as in his own) pants. The 400lbs Baah (looks a bit like Yokozuna) comes in and shoves Laredo around before crushing him with a crossbody. It's off to Mario to rip at the mask as Josh talks about where we can see Schitt's Creek on demand. Laredo gets in a cutter on Abraham and the hot tag brings in Shera to clean house. A spinebuster plants Bahh and the Sky High ends Mario at 5:21.
A limo is here.
Decay vs. Reno Scum
Adam and Steve start things off with Thornstone hitting a standing moonsault, only to have Abyss come in for the staredown with Luster. That means shouting OY a lot and Abyss' headbutt has no effect. Abyss gets headbutted into the corner and it's back to Steve as JB says Reno Scum debuted last week (two weeks ago).
Thornstone is sent outside for some shots from Rosemary, followed by a lick from Steve. The beating continues with Abyss choking away and saying how good it feels. The hot tag brings in Luster for a fisherman's buster as everything breaks down. Rosemary mists Steve by mistake and gets thrown onto Abyss. That leaves Luster to hold Steve up for a leapfrog into a double stomp from Adam for the pin at 6:56.
Fury is unleashed on April 6.
Grand Championship: Eli Drake vs. Moose
Moose is defending Drake has Tyrus in his corner. And never mind as Cody, in a Bullet Club hoodie, has jumped Moose backstage. Cross Rhodes on the ramp leaves Moose laying and there's no match.
Here's LAX (with five members) to say they're here for the Tag Team Titles. Konnan says they're here to live and die in LAX and Homicide adds 5150.
LAX vs. DCC
It's Santana/Ortiz for LAX vs. Storm/Bram. Storm gets double teamed to start and Santana drops an assisted moonsault. The comeback is cut off and we take an early break. Back with Storm getting in a Backstabber on Ortiz but Santana keeps him in the corner. Storm finally gets over for the hot tag to Bram so house can be cleaned.
Not that it really matters though as it's back to Storm just a few moments later. We get the stupid make one partner DDT another spot with Storm grabbing a neckrbeaker on Ortiz who DDT's Santana. Kingston hits Storm by mistake though and a kind of double team belly to back flip suplex puts Storm away at 11:03.
Post match Storm gets in an argument with Kingston which should signal the beginning of the end.
Earlier this week, Bruce Prichard sat down with Lashley to talk about his wrestling history. He's wrestled everywhere and is really good. More on this later. Of all the people on the roster, the multiple time World Champion needs a get to know you interview? He was acting like a face here too so maybe he's turning. Or they don't know how to do an interview.
DJZ wants to make Impact Wrestling great.
Moose vs. Cody for the Grand Championship is set for next week.
Braxton Sutter and Allie aren't worried about Sienna's threats.
Rebel vs. ODB
Rebel knocks her to the floor to start but misses a top rope splash back inside. ODB takes a hit from the flask and there's a Bronco Buster. ODB: “I'm a classy broad!” Rebel grabs her cowboy hat so Earl Hebner takes it away and kisses her because sexual assault is totally ok. Early puts the hat on and takes a hit from the flask, earning himself a kiss from ODB. That means a Flair Flop from Earl and a TKO to Rebel for the pin at 4:01.
More from the Lashley interview. He was about to go to the Olympics but was in a bank when a robbery broke out, which caused a knee injury. He's here now and ready to work as hard as ever. You mean the World Champion is going to work hard?
Lashley vs. Jake Holmes
Non-title. Lashley stomps him down, stomps him down some more, hits a Dominator for two, delays a vertical suplex and hits the spear for the pin at 1:54.
JB is in the ring for the big return of......Karen Jarrett. Karen is full on face here, signing an autograph on the way to the ring. You know, because time can heal all wounds since she was the evil villain before. We get a bunch of pro-Karen chants as she's overwhelmed by the reaction. Karen talks about all the positive energy around here but gets cut off by a FIRE JOSH chant. Karen keeps going about how special this is but Ethan Carter III cuts her off.
Ethan talks about how awesome the fans are and calls them all his friends. Everyone around here makes this place great but it's all about the locker room. We all want to make Impact great and he's done what he can do to so as the greatest original star this company has ever had. He's going to do it for his own last name though....and here's Josh to say stop all this.
Josh yells about being put at the table with the JV squad while Karen assembles this team of authority figures like Bruce Prichard and Dutch Mantel. These people are here because they couldn't afford a ticket so they need to shut up (they edited out the part where he said “couldn't afford a ticket to NXT”
. Josh talks about his problem being with Karen and being married to Madison Rayne. It's only a matter of time before the Jarrett Family is gone from Impact Wrestling forever. Karen slaps him down to end the show.Results
Davey Richards b. Suicide – Creeping Death
Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Sky High to Bokara
Reno Scum b. Decay – Double stomp to Steve
LAX b. DCC – Double team belly to back flip suplex to Storm
ODB b. Rebel – TKO
Lashley b. Jake Holmes – Spear
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn – Koquina Clutch
Charlotte b. Dana Brooke – Big boot
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins – Sliced Bread #2
Nia Jax b. Bayley – Samoan drop
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows – Brogue Kick to Gallows
Austin Aries b. Tony Nese – Discus Five Arm
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman went to a no contest when Undertaker interfered
Smackdown
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Randy Orton b. Baron Corbin – RKO
John Cena b. Fandango – STF
Carmella b. Becky Lynch via DQ when Natalya interfered
NXT
Andrade Cien Almas b. Oney Lorcan – Hammerlock DDT
Asuka b. Priscilla Zumiga – Asuka Lock
Sanity vs. Tye Dillinger/Roderick Strong/No Way Jose went to a double DQ when all six brawled
Impact Wrestling
Davey Richards b. Suicide – Creeping Death
Mahabali Shera/Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Idris Abraham/Fallah Bahh/Mario Bokara – Sky High to Bokara
Reno Scum b. Decay – Double stomp to Steve
LAX b. DCC – Double team belly to back flip suplex to Storm
ODB b. Rebel – TKO
Lashley b. Jake Holmes – Spear