klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Cedric Alexander has hurt his knee and will be out for nearly five months.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 13, 2017
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It's the final show in the famous Joe Louis Arena and we're getting closer to Wrestlemania XXXIII. The big story seems to be Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns, which was made official earlier in the day. That leaves the Universal Title match between Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, assuming one or both of them are actually booked for the show. Let's get to it.
In Memory of Ron Bass.
We open with a recap of Lesnar taking Goldberg out last week.
Here are Paul Heyman and Lesnar to open things up. Heyman can't believe that something happened last week because Goldberg was supposed to be unstoppable. In twenty nights at Wrestlemania, Lesnar is going to prove the world wrong and destroy Goldberg in short order. Heyman teases Goldberg being here but says the champ isn't in the arena. Every time Lesnar has run into Goldberg it's been spear, Jackhammer, Goldberg. Last week though it was F5, Lesnar. At Wrestlemania, it's an F5 to end the great comeback because the F5 means Goldberg goes down. I still don't know why I'd want to see this match again.
Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley are in the back with Stephanie talking about how Foley isn't the best businessman. She's his manager and needs to develop him so he can grow in abilities. Tonight it's time for Foley's first lesson: by the end of the night, he needs to fire someone.
Sasha Banks vs. Dana Brooke
Dana takes her into the corner to start but gets rolled (with a handful of tights) for the pin at 1:18. It's as sudden as it sounds.
Post match Charlotte gets in the ring and yells at Dana for losing. She sounds like she's about to fire Dana but Dana hits her in the face and the beating is on. Charlotte eventually gets away from a yelling Dana.
Eric LeGrande, a former Rutgers football player who suffered a spinal injury, is getting the Warrior Award.
Brian Kendrick/Tony Nese vs. Akira Tozawa/TJ Perkins
Kendrick trips Tozawa to start but gets sent to the floor for a kick from Perkins as we take a break. Back with Nese forearming Tozawa in the face and grabbing a bodyscissors. Tozawa finally gets up and dives over for the tag as everything breaks down. Nese knees Perkins in the face for two but gets caught by a good looking springboard DDT for the same. Another knee sets up some face communication though as Perkins crashes into Tozawa, setting up a rollup with a handful of Perkins' tights for the pin at 9:00.
Anderson and Gallows don't know why they can't get any attention in the tag team division.
Here's Kevin Owens (in a snazzy KO Mania II shirt which looks like a Wrestlemania II shirt and a good piece of masking tape) for a tag match. Before anyone else comes out though, Owens says it's time to get the spotlight back where it belongs. After a clip of the Festival of Friendship, Owens says Jericho was never his friend and the feeling was mutual. Then he'll take the US Title at Wrestlemania, leaving only the tears of Jericho. “Cry them out man.” Besides, who needs Jericho when you have a destroyer on your side?
Kevin Owens/Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn/Chris Jericho
Owens starts with Jericho but Kevin tags out instead of fighting (like a good heel is supposed to do). Sami comes in and takes a beating of his own, including a backsplash from Joe. It's back to Owens who catches Jericho with a superkick off the apron, only to have Sami hit a big flip dive but he comes up holding his knee. Owens goes right after the knee and it's time for some double stomping, drawing a DQ at 3:45.
Post match Owens and Jericho go at it until the double teaming gets the better of Chris.
Stephanie suggests that Foley fire Sami Zayn when Nia Jax comes in. Nia wants justice by being added to the Women's Title match. Stephanie gives her a match with Bayley tonight.
Jinder Mahal demands that he's not fired tonight because Rusev was holding him back. He wants a match to prove himself, so Foley gives him Roman Reigns.
New Day has their own talk show segment called New Day Talks, which means Big Show as their first guest. Big Show talks about the Jetsons movie until Titus O'Neil comes in to call the show stupid. Titus shoves Show as New Day eats popcorn. Woods: “Here's your lesson: Titus O'Neil ruins everything!”
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
The winners get Anderson and Gallows at Wrestlemania. Before the match, Enzo shills his cuppa haters coffee cup and Cass talks about how they're not the #1 seed but rather the bracket busters. Cesaro and Sheamus clean house to start before a standoff takes us to the first break. Back with Cesaro blasting Enzo with a clothesline and the double teaming begins. Enzo slips away and makes the hot tag to Cass, who eats a top rope clothesline. Sheamus can't get the ten forearms as Cass kicks him to the floor, only to have Anderson and Gallows come in for the no contest at 8:01.
Anderson and Gallows destroy both teams.
We look back at the end of last week's show.
Post break Anderson and Gallows laugh at Foley for getting one over on him because there were no winners. Say it with me: triple threat match.
Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal
An early Samoan drop gets two on Mahal and Roman pounds away in the corner until the Undertaker's gong strikes. The distraction lets Mahal getting a knee to the face and a sitout slam gets two. Not that it matters as back to back Superman Punches put Jinder away at 2:54.
Post match Reigns calls Undertaker out and we take a break. Back from a break with Reigns still in the ring and Shawn Michaels coming out. Reigns says it's nice to see him but he wanted to see the Undertaker. Shawn says he saw Reigns get distracted by the gong and that can't happen going into Wrestlemania. We're twenty days from Wrestlemania and Undertaker is already in Reigns' head. At Wrestlemania, Undertaker is going to eat Roman alive.
Reigns says that's not happening because Undertaker needs to be wondering what it's going to be like to be in the ring with him. Shawn says he's in Reigns' yard but Roman needs to get his head on straight. That's not enough for Roman, because he remembers Undertaker retired Shawn at Wrestlemania. Come Orlando, Reigns is retiring Undertaker. Reigns goes to leave and gets run over by Braun Strowman, who earns himself a THANK YOU STROWMAN chant.
Stephanie is pleased but Foley is still upset over the firing order. Mick doesn't want to do it because we're so close to Wrestlemania (and there's NO OTHER WRESTLING SHOW for anyone to wrestle on) but Stephanie says do it or she will.
We look back at Austin Aries decking Neville last week and defeating Tony Nese the next night on 205 Live.
Austin Aries vs. Ariya Daivari
Aries forearms him in the face to start before snapping off some armdrags. A nasty backdrop sends Aries face first into the apron. Not that it matters though as Aries hits a neckbreaker onto the knee, followed by the roaring elbow for the pin at 3:48.
We look at Heyman's speech again.
Emma is coming.
Titus O'Neil vs. Big Show
A chop, a slam and three chokeslams end Titus at 1:52. That's all it needed to be.
Billy Jean King Women's History Month video.
Bayley and Sasha are ready for Nia Jax.
Chris Jericho wants to show the world the real Kevin Owens so next week, the REAL Kevin will be the guest on a special edition of the Highlight Reel. Chris calls the interviewer Tom Phillips but it's Mike Rome. Jericho doesn't buy it and puts Tom Phillips on the List.
Bayley vs. Nia Jax
Non-title. Nia throws her into the corner and then out to the floor for a whip into the steps as we take a break. Back with Bayley wrapping the knee around the ropes for a few kicks. Nia pops back up and stomps away in the corner for the DQ at 7:15. Not enough to rate but that's two DQ's to go with two pullings of the tights and a no contest tonight.
Nia throws Bayley into the barricade for good measure.
Next week it's the Highlight Reel and Braun vs. Roman.
Here's Stephanie to introduce Foley for the firing announcement. Foley hadn't been able to think of anyone all night but in the last ten minutes, someone's name came to him and he knows what to do. After thanking Stephanie, he announces......Stephanie should be fired. Stephanie isn't pleased (of course) and rips into Foley, who talks about how Stephanie lied to him six months ago when she said she had nothing to do with HHH interfering.
Foley goes on about how HHH makes an army for himself but Stephanie cuts him off mid-insult. Cue HHH to say Foley can say this to his face. Foley says that's fine but he didn't think HHH really existed. HHH laughs him off and they go back and forth about how Foley doesn't need this job and HHH uses his position to abuse his power. HHH says Foley needs to leave and go around the world again telling his sad story, but if he does, his kids can forget about working for WWE.
What Foley needs to do is go backstage and have an epiphany about how much he loves his job before doing whatever Stephanie tells him to do. Foley turns to leave but stops as Stephanie rants against the people for not respecting their bosses enough. HHH goes after Foley and gets Mr. Socko for his efforts. Stephanie makes the save with a low blow and HHH unbuttons his sleeves. Cue Seth Rollins on a crutch but it's quickly thrown to the side. Rollins comes in and hammers away but HHH grabs the crutch and hits him in the bad knee. HHH even busts out a reverse Figure Four to make Rollins scream to end the show.
Results
Sasha Banks b. Dana Brooke – Rollup with a handful of tights
Tony Nese/Brian Kendrick b. Akira Tozawa/TJ Perkins – Rollup with a handful of tights
Sami Zayn/Chris Jericho b. Kevin Owens/Samoa Joe via DQ when Joe and Owens double teamed Jericho
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Cesaro/Sheamus when Anderson and Gallows interfered
Roman Reigns b. Jinder Mahal – Superman Punch
Austin Aries b. Ariya Daivari – Roaring Elbow
Big Show b. Titus O'Neil – Chokeslam
Bayley b. Nia Jax via DQ when Nia attacked in the corner
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 14, 2017
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips
We've got three Smackdowns left before Wrestlemania and now we have a #1 contender to Bray Wyatt's Smackdown World Title. However, that means we have issues between Commissioner Shane McMahon and AJ Styles and there's an official confrontation scheduled for tonight. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week's Talking Smack with AJ Styles confronting Shane McMahon after last week's Smackdown ended.
Daniel Bryan is on the phone with someone and runs down the show when AJ comes in. He wants Shane and threatens to slap Daniel if he says anything. Daniel suggests being calm because AJ needs to worry about his career.
Here's AJ in the ring to complain about what happened last week. Yeah he has to jump through a bunch of hoops and he knows someone like John Cena would never have to do that. His rematch came in a triple threat match and then against five opponents in the Elimination Chamber.
After that, Styles won a battle royal (not really) and beat the other guy they said won clean in the middle of the ring to become the #1 contender. Oh wait because Randy Orton burned Bray Wyatt's house down (Styles: “AND DIDN'T GET ARRESTED OR GO TO JAIL!”
and now he's in the main event of Wrestlemania XXXIII. On the other hand, AJ doesn't even have a match and he's going to do something about it.
David Otunga is filming a movie and Mauro Ranallo is snowed in due to the blizzard in the northeast so we have a two man commentary booth tonight.
Becky Lynch vs. Natalya
Becky sends her into the corner to start and offers a handshake, earning one heck of a slap to the face. The threat of a choke sends Natalya to the floor and we take a break. Back with Natalya slamming Becky on the floor and grabbing a chinlock. Naturally that means the comeback is on with the Bexploder into the Disarm-Her for the tap out at 8:50.
Post match Carmella comes in and superkicks both of them down.
Video on John Cena hosting the Kids Choice Awards. It helps that Cena can come off like a big kid with ease so he's kind of perfect for the role.
Post break Carmella says she's the next champion.
It's time for MizTV with Miz introducing himself and Maryse as the special guests. First up we see a clip of last week's mixed tag with Cena and Nikki being taken down after their win. We also see Miz ripping into Cena on Talking Smack in another of those awesome promos that are going to be cast aside so Nikki Bella can get her marriage proposal.
Maryse tells a story about Nikki stabbing her in the back when she was going to come back to WWE and be on the first season of Total Divas. Then Nikki told her not to sign the contract because they could get a better one for more money. See, Nikki knew she could get what she wanted because she was dating Cena, meaning she was “untouchable”. The contract fell through though and only the Bellas got the big deal.
Cue Nikki and Cena to chase them off with Nikki saying Maryse wouldn't be here if she had anything to say about it. Maryse is the one who steals money every night because she's some brainless blowup doll. Nikki invites her into the ring for a fight but here's Bryan to say Miz running away makes Bryan want to punch him in the face.
That makes him think of all the times Miz makes fun of him for not being able to wrestle and all the times that he (poorly) imitates Bryan's moves and the fact that Miz knows Bryan can't punch him in the face makes Bryan want to punch him in the face even more. However, Cena and Nikki can so the mixed tag is on at Wrestlemania.
Alexa Bliss vs. Mickie James
Non-title. They lock up hard to start before Mickie takes her into the corner for some hard stomping. Bliss sends her outside off a hard whip and we take a break. Back with Bliss holding a cravate before being sent into the corner. Alexa fights up and grabs her by the throat with some crazy looking eyes. A sunset flip gets two on Mickie but the MickDT is countered into a pinfall reversal sequence. One heck of a right hand looks to set up Insult to Injury but Mickie kicks her in the head for the pin at 8:38.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot when Shane arrives. The beating is on with Shane being beaten up against an ice machine and then going through the window of a car. Fit Finlay makes a cameo to get rid of AJ as Shane is bleeding from the top of the head.
Back from a break with a doctor checking on Shane and blood coming down his head. Shane doesn't want to leave and has to be helped into another room.
The Usos don't like what AJ did but AJ takes his bag to leave. Daniel stops AJ and fires him. The fans aren't happy with this.
Mojo Rawley vs. Dolph Ziggler
They take turns throwing sweat at each other, which JBL calls one of the strangest things he's ever seen. Ziggler is thrown over the top and out to the floor twice in a row so he tosses JBL's hat. Back in and a dropkick gets one on Rawley but he throws Ziggler over the top for a third time. That's enough for Ziggler and he takes the countout at 2:29.
We look at the attack on Shane again. For some reason there was a camera inside the car.
Here's Randy Orton to discuss what happened a few weeks ago. Orton joined the Wyatt Family because he knew it was the only way to take them down. It could have been a single RKO but he wanted more. Now there's one more step to climb though and that's why at Wrestlemania, he's taking everything from Wyatt.
Cue Wyatt on screen to say Orton has stripped him down to nothing. Sister Abigail still beats in his heart though and now he has no boundaries, making him all powerful. Bray reaches down and digs through the dirt, which he then rubs all over himself. He says follow the buzzards and screams before the camera cuts. So Orton threatened Wyatt and then Bray soiled himself?
We look back at Baron Corbin lowering the forklift on Dean Ambrose last week. I still love the referees trying to lift the several thousand pound fork before realizing THEY CAN JUST PUSH THE UP BUTTON.
Corbin challenges Ambrose for Wrestlemania.
American Alpha vs. Usos
Non-title. Jordan starts fast with a dropkick and grabs a front facelock on Jimmy. We cut to a split screen with Jamie Noble and Finlay helping Shane through the back and come back with the Usos going up top at the same time but the champs stare them into a standoff. Back from a break with Jordan getting kicked out to the floor so the Usos can take over.
Jimmy grabs a chinlock and it's back to the split screen as Shane goes through the exit but turns around, seeming heading back to the ring. Jordan sends Jimmy into the corner and makes the hot tag to Gable for some house cleaning. The Steiner Bulldog is loaded up but Gable gets caught in the ropes, allowing Jey to superkick Jordan for the pin at 10:39.
Shane stumbles out says AJ has an opponent for Wrestlemania. The show goes off the air less than five seconds later.
Results
Becky Lynch b. Natalya – Disarm-Her
Mickie James b. Alexa Bliss – Spinning kick to the head
Mojo Rawley b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 15, 2017
Location: University Area CDC Gymnasium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Percy Watson, Nigel Mcguinness, Tom Phillips
It's title time and that means we're going to know who is heading to the main event of Takeover: Orlando. Tonight Bobby Roode puts the NXT Title on the line against Kassius Ohno with the winner facing Shinsuke Nakamura for the title at the big show. This has some serious potential so let's get to it.
We get a quick look at the title match.
Opening sequence.
Ealy Brothers vs. Authors of Pain
Non-title and a result of last week's beatdown of the Ealy Twins. Uriel tries his luck on Ra'zar and gets headbutted down with ease. The Super Collider sets up the Last Chapter for the pin on Uriel at 2:23.
Post match Paul Ellering says his men are close to creating a dynasty and aren't scared of the Revival. Cue DIY to say they don't know what Ellering means half the time but they know they can beat the Authors of Pain. This brings out the Revival to say they're the best team in the world and want a rematch too. Now it's William Regal coming out to make a triple threat elimination match for the titles at Takeover.
Heavy Machinery, a tag team comprised of Otis Dozovic and Tucker Knight, is coming. I saw them at a house show earlier this year and they were pretty good.
Video on Asuka's dominance of the women's division. She's ready to crush Ember Moon at Takeover.
Macey Estrella vs. Nikki Cross
Estrella is sent face first into the mat to start and Cross hits six (yes six) straight swinging fisherman's neckbreakers for the pin at 2:29. The idea was that Cross didn't care how much she was hurting Estrella.
Post match Tye Dillinger and No Way Jose go after Sanity but get beaten down again.
Alistair Black video.
We look back at Billie Kay's injury last week.
We go to the Performance Center to check on Kay but see Andrade Cien Almas going after Hoho Lun. Oney Lorcan intervened and kept Lun safe.
Lorcan says he saw Lun getting bullied last week and if Almas wants to do that, try bullying him. They have a match next week.
Next week will also have a six man tag between Roderick Strong/No Way Jose/Tye Dillinger vs. Sanity.
Ohno says he's ready to make up for past failures.
Roode is ready to send Ohno packing.
NXT Title: Kassius Ohno vs. Bobby Roode
Ohno is challenging and wrestling in a shirt, likely to hide his not great physique. Roode is knocked to the floor to start and struck hard in the face back inside. Some chops and a clothesline put Roode on the floor and we take a break. Back with Roode in control, as is so often the case after a break. Roode slowly stomps and chokes away before hitting a hard clothesline in the corner.
More right hands have Ohno rocked as Roode isn't exactly showing an in-depth offense here. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Ohno fights up with his strikes, only to be sent over the corner and out to the floor in a big crash. Back from a second break with Roode cranking on both arms and putting a knee in Ohno's spine.
The Glorious DDT is countered into a release vertical suplex and Ohno gets in a sliding dropkick to the head. A spinning big boot to the jaw gets two for Ohno but Roode gets the same off a Backstabber. Ohno goes up and hits Diamond Dust of all things (flipping Stunner, one of my favorites) for no cover.
Instead Roode gets up and snaps off a spinebuster for two. Roode loads up the DDT again but Ohno just blasts him with the big forearm, sending Roode outside again. Back in and Ohno drops a big backsplash for two but Roode sends him throat first into the top rope. The Glorious DDT retains the title at 22:22.
Results
Authors of Pain b. Ealy Brothers – Last Chapter to Uriel
Nikki Cross b. Macey Estrella – Swinging fisherman's neckbreaker
Bobby Roode b. Kassius Ohno – Glorious DDT
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 16, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
Take two. Last week's relaunch of Impact Wrestling didn't get the best reception but it should be interesting to see where things go this week. The big story coming out of last week is Alberto El Patron winning the World Title, only to vacate it due to the controversial way in which he won the belt. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week's show. I think it might have used to work with WWE and it remembers when things were great before the fans left. The World Title gets more focus than anything else with Josh talking over everything a close second.
Opening sequence.
Here's Alberto for a chat. He loves it here because he doesn't need to pretend to be something he's not. Here he can be El Patron and THIS IS HIS HOUSE (that's one way to get Paige to break up with you). Last week he proved to everyone that he deserves to be the champion. He's not here to be a talker though because he'd rather fight. That means a challenge to Lashley but it's Ethan Carter III instead. Ethan knows how difficult it was to relinquish that title but if Alberto wants it back, he needs to earn it. Tonight, let's make it Si vs. 3.
Alberto says no but Ethan calls him out for not wanting to fight. That's still a no because El Patron is here to fight the big dog. Ethan shoves him down and a fight breaks out with security breaking it up. That's FINALLY enough for the match to be accepted. Now why in the world did this not happen LAST WEEK? If El Patron can beat Carter, at least it sets him up as a title contender instead of just throwing in another WWE reject to the main event.
Eddie Edwards talks about how he wants to make Impact great.
We go to a meeting with Bruce Prichard, Dutch Mantel and two other people who seem to have authority. Ignore last week when Mantel flat out said he was NOT an authority figure. Basically they don't know how Decay got the Tag Team Titles (they don't know their own stories) but Prichard knows how to figure it out.
JB gets a phone call telling him that EC3 vs. El Patron is on tonight, much to Josh's annoyance.
Video on the history of Tyrus and Eli Drake. There's enough between them for a history package?
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. vs. Eli Drake/Tyrus
Kid and Garza are from the Crash promotion in Mexico and this is their debut. Drake and the Kid start things off with Laredo snapping off a headscissors. Josh mocks JB for wanting to talk about the international partnerships before it's off to Garza. Eli misses a charge and falls out to the floor for a suicide dive. That's followed by a moonsault to the floor from Laredo but Tyrus knocks the Kid out of the air.
Back from a break with Laredo getting thrown across the ring in a good looking Tyrus suplex. Drake drops a jumping elbow but takes too much time talking, allowing Garza to come in off the hot tag. Eli takes him down as well but accidentally hits Tyrus. That means there's no one to tag, allowing Garza to grab a rollup on Drake for the pin at 11:03.
Josh says that was stupid.
Video on Eddie Edwards, Moose and James Storm appearing for Pro Wrestling Noah as part of the new talent exchange. To TNA's credit, this is pretty impressive and WAY better than their agreement with Wrestle-1.
Kayci Quinn vs. Brandi Rhodes
Quinn is making her debut. We hear about Brandi's education, which includes degrees from the University of Michigan and the University of Miami. Not bad. And never mind as Cody comes out to say this isn't happening. Cody isn't happy with Impact Wrestling pimping out the Rhodes name because he's going to do it instead. He tries to give Quinn $45 (“It's $20 more than they were going to pay you.” before moving on to Moose. Cody: “Moose claims that he's in Japan. I AM JAPAN!” Cody wants Moose back here for the Grand Championship. Brandi tries to apologize to Quinn as they leave.
Back from a break with Rosemary destroying Quinn. Thankfully this gives the announcers another chance to argue while Quinn is looked at. JB says law and order is coming soon.
Ethan Carter III wants to make Impact great.
Ethan Carter III vs. Alberto El Patron
I'm surprised this isn't the main event. Patron gets in a quick dropkick to the back for two and they're already on the floor. We take a break a minute in and come back with Carter punching him out of the air and stomping away in the corner. Carter says this is HIS house and they head outside again with El Patron sending the arm into the post and steps. Back in and Patron cranks on the arm but has to shove away the 1%er. A backdrop sends Patron to the floor and Carter rams him into the announcers' table for good measure. Back in and Patron enziguris him off the apron to send us to a second break.
We come back with Carter winning a slugout but getting caught in a Backstabber. Patron misses the top rope stomp though and the TK3 knocks him silly. There's no cover though as Carter hits a second TK3 for no cover again. Instead he goes to grab a chair but changes his mind, allowing El Patron to grab the cross armbreaker for the tap at 21:50.
Alberto applauds Carter and says that was one of the best matches of his career. Carter takes a few seconds but shakes Alberto's hand.
Reno Scum says they're here for the titles and call themselves the perfect combination of athleticism and violence. That took twenty seconds and told me more than I learned about them all of last week.
Ethan is frustrated in the back but Bruce Prichard gets in his face and shouts a bunch of stuff we can't hear.
Madison Rayne wants to make Impact great again.
JB says “she” is going to be here next week.
X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Suicide
Lee is defending and this is one fall to a finish. And yes, they brought back SUICIDE because that character was begging for a revival. Allie is here with Sutter but Shane Helms seems to have lost his Gregory in the relaunch. The champ gets triple teamed to start and we hit the heavily choreographed sequence where no one can make any contact because it's well rehearsed.
Suicide dropkicks Everett and bulldogs Sutter for two. Pope goes on a rant against Suicide because they had a falls count anywhere match back in the day but the mask kept Pope from knowing when he was hurt. We get a nice fake out with Suicide teasing diving onto Everett but instead falling backwards onto the other two. Everett hits a big springboard shooting star onto all three as we take a break.
Back with Josh plugging Schitt's Creek and Everett eating a Superman Punch. Lee gets powerslammed so Everett goes up top, only to have Lee get caught on Sutter's shoulders for a Tower of Doom. Cue Laurel Van Ness (still in the wedding clothes) to distract Sutter though and a jumping knee to Braxton's head retains Trevor's title at 12:50.
Post match Sienna comes out to warn Allie and Sutter of upcoming pain. Laurel is very pleased.
Moose wants to make Impact great again. I get what they're going for here but maybe they should stop talking about how great it's going to be and actually do something great.
Here's Bruce Prichard to address the Tag Team Title situation. See, titles are won and lost in the ring, not in space and time (The Hardys won the matches in wrestling rings you nitwit. If you're going to call a story stupid, at least get the details right.). Josh points out that Bruce too the title from Alberto in a board room on Monday but of course that's not brought up elsewhere. Anyway the titles will be decided in two weeks but here's Decay to interrupt. They rescued the titles from space and time so they should just be handed the belts now.
Prichard looks terrified of Rosemary but here's Reno Scum to cut them off. Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid come out to say they want the belts too and a brawl breaks out. Decay stands tall but here's LAX (Homicide and Konnan) for the big return, followed by three more members coming in from behind to help in the big beatdown. Konnan says they're serious “like a late period” to end the show.
Results
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Eli Drake/Tyrus – Rollup to Drake
Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Cross armbreaker
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett, Braxton Sutter and Suicide – Knee to Sutter's head
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Sasha Banks b. Dana Brooke – Rollup with a handful of tights
Tony Nese/Brian Kendrick b. Akira Tozawa/TJ Perkins – Rollup with a handful of tights
Sami Zayn/Chris Jericho b. Kevin Owens/Samoa Joe via DQ when Joe and Owens double teamed Jericho
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Cesaro/Sheamus when Anderson and Gallows interfered
Roman Reigns b. Jinder Mahal – Superman Punch
Austin Aries b. Ariya Daivari – Roaring Elbow
Big Show b. Titus O'Neil – Chokeslam
Bayley b. Nia Jax via DQ when Nia attacked in the corner
Smackdown
Becky Lynch b. Natalya – Disarm-Her
Mickie James b. Alexa Bliss – Spinning kick to the head
Mojo Rawley b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
NXT
Authors of Pain b. Ealy Brothers – Last Chapter to Uriel
Nikki Cross b. Macey Estrella – Swinging fisherman's neckbreaker
Bobby Roode b. Kassius Ohno – Glorious DDT
Impact Wrestling
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Eli Drake/Tyrus – Rollup to Drake
Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Cross armbreaker
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett, Braxton Sutter and Suicide – Knee to Sutter's head
Cedric Alexander has hurt his knee and will be out for nearly five months.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 13, 2017
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It's the final show in the famous Joe Louis Arena and we're getting closer to Wrestlemania XXXIII. The big story seems to be Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns, which was made official earlier in the day. That leaves the Universal Title match between Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, assuming one or both of them are actually booked for the show. Let's get to it.
In Memory of Ron Bass.
We open with a recap of Lesnar taking Goldberg out last week.
Here are Paul Heyman and Lesnar to open things up. Heyman can't believe that something happened last week because Goldberg was supposed to be unstoppable. In twenty nights at Wrestlemania, Lesnar is going to prove the world wrong and destroy Goldberg in short order. Heyman teases Goldberg being here but says the champ isn't in the arena. Every time Lesnar has run into Goldberg it's been spear, Jackhammer, Goldberg. Last week though it was F5, Lesnar. At Wrestlemania, it's an F5 to end the great comeback because the F5 means Goldberg goes down. I still don't know why I'd want to see this match again.
Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley are in the back with Stephanie talking about how Foley isn't the best businessman. She's his manager and needs to develop him so he can grow in abilities. Tonight it's time for Foley's first lesson: by the end of the night, he needs to fire someone.
Sasha Banks vs. Dana Brooke
Dana takes her into the corner to start but gets rolled (with a handful of tights) for the pin at 1:18. It's as sudden as it sounds.
Post match Charlotte gets in the ring and yells at Dana for losing. She sounds like she's about to fire Dana but Dana hits her in the face and the beating is on. Charlotte eventually gets away from a yelling Dana.
Eric LeGrande, a former Rutgers football player who suffered a spinal injury, is getting the Warrior Award.
Brian Kendrick/Tony Nese vs. Akira Tozawa/TJ Perkins
Kendrick trips Tozawa to start but gets sent to the floor for a kick from Perkins as we take a break. Back with Nese forearming Tozawa in the face and grabbing a bodyscissors. Tozawa finally gets up and dives over for the tag as everything breaks down. Nese knees Perkins in the face for two but gets caught by a good looking springboard DDT for the same. Another knee sets up some face communication though as Perkins crashes into Tozawa, setting up a rollup with a handful of Perkins' tights for the pin at 9:00.
Anderson and Gallows don't know why they can't get any attention in the tag team division.
Here's Kevin Owens (in a snazzy KO Mania II shirt which looks like a Wrestlemania II shirt and a good piece of masking tape) for a tag match. Before anyone else comes out though, Owens says it's time to get the spotlight back where it belongs. After a clip of the Festival of Friendship, Owens says Jericho was never his friend and the feeling was mutual. Then he'll take the US Title at Wrestlemania, leaving only the tears of Jericho. “Cry them out man.” Besides, who needs Jericho when you have a destroyer on your side?
Kevin Owens/Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn/Chris Jericho
Owens starts with Jericho but Kevin tags out instead of fighting (like a good heel is supposed to do). Sami comes in and takes a beating of his own, including a backsplash from Joe. It's back to Owens who catches Jericho with a superkick off the apron, only to have Sami hit a big flip dive but he comes up holding his knee. Owens goes right after the knee and it's time for some double stomping, drawing a DQ at 3:45.
Post match Owens and Jericho go at it until the double teaming gets the better of Chris.
Stephanie suggests that Foley fire Sami Zayn when Nia Jax comes in. Nia wants justice by being added to the Women's Title match. Stephanie gives her a match with Bayley tonight.
Jinder Mahal demands that he's not fired tonight because Rusev was holding him back. He wants a match to prove himself, so Foley gives him Roman Reigns.
New Day has their own talk show segment called New Day Talks, which means Big Show as their first guest. Big Show talks about the Jetsons movie until Titus O'Neil comes in to call the show stupid. Titus shoves Show as New Day eats popcorn. Woods: “Here's your lesson: Titus O'Neil ruins everything!”
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Cesaro/Sheamus
The winners get Anderson and Gallows at Wrestlemania. Before the match, Enzo shills his cuppa haters coffee cup and Cass talks about how they're not the #1 seed but rather the bracket busters. Cesaro and Sheamus clean house to start before a standoff takes us to the first break. Back with Cesaro blasting Enzo with a clothesline and the double teaming begins. Enzo slips away and makes the hot tag to Cass, who eats a top rope clothesline. Sheamus can't get the ten forearms as Cass kicks him to the floor, only to have Anderson and Gallows come in for the no contest at 8:01.
Anderson and Gallows destroy both teams.
We look back at the end of last week's show.
Post break Anderson and Gallows laugh at Foley for getting one over on him because there were no winners. Say it with me: triple threat match.
Roman Reigns vs. Jinder Mahal
An early Samoan drop gets two on Mahal and Roman pounds away in the corner until the Undertaker's gong strikes. The distraction lets Mahal getting a knee to the face and a sitout slam gets two. Not that it matters as back to back Superman Punches put Jinder away at 2:54.
Post match Reigns calls Undertaker out and we take a break. Back from a break with Reigns still in the ring and Shawn Michaels coming out. Reigns says it's nice to see him but he wanted to see the Undertaker. Shawn says he saw Reigns get distracted by the gong and that can't happen going into Wrestlemania. We're twenty days from Wrestlemania and Undertaker is already in Reigns' head. At Wrestlemania, Undertaker is going to eat Roman alive.
Reigns says that's not happening because Undertaker needs to be wondering what it's going to be like to be in the ring with him. Shawn says he's in Reigns' yard but Roman needs to get his head on straight. That's not enough for Roman, because he remembers Undertaker retired Shawn at Wrestlemania. Come Orlando, Reigns is retiring Undertaker. Reigns goes to leave and gets run over by Braun Strowman, who earns himself a THANK YOU STROWMAN chant.
Stephanie is pleased but Foley is still upset over the firing order. Mick doesn't want to do it because we're so close to Wrestlemania (and there's NO OTHER WRESTLING SHOW for anyone to wrestle on) but Stephanie says do it or she will.
We look back at Austin Aries decking Neville last week and defeating Tony Nese the next night on 205 Live.
Austin Aries vs. Ariya Daivari
Aries forearms him in the face to start before snapping off some armdrags. A nasty backdrop sends Aries face first into the apron. Not that it matters though as Aries hits a neckbreaker onto the knee, followed by the roaring elbow for the pin at 3:48.
We look at Heyman's speech again.
Emma is coming.
Titus O'Neil vs. Big Show
A chop, a slam and three chokeslams end Titus at 1:52. That's all it needed to be.
Billy Jean King Women's History Month video.
Bayley and Sasha are ready for Nia Jax.
Chris Jericho wants to show the world the real Kevin Owens so next week, the REAL Kevin will be the guest on a special edition of the Highlight Reel. Chris calls the interviewer Tom Phillips but it's Mike Rome. Jericho doesn't buy it and puts Tom Phillips on the List.
Bayley vs. Nia Jax
Non-title. Nia throws her into the corner and then out to the floor for a whip into the steps as we take a break. Back with Bayley wrapping the knee around the ropes for a few kicks. Nia pops back up and stomps away in the corner for the DQ at 7:15. Not enough to rate but that's two DQ's to go with two pullings of the tights and a no contest tonight.
Nia throws Bayley into the barricade for good measure.
Next week it's the Highlight Reel and Braun vs. Roman.
Here's Stephanie to introduce Foley for the firing announcement. Foley hadn't been able to think of anyone all night but in the last ten minutes, someone's name came to him and he knows what to do. After thanking Stephanie, he announces......Stephanie should be fired. Stephanie isn't pleased (of course) and rips into Foley, who talks about how Stephanie lied to him six months ago when she said she had nothing to do with HHH interfering.
Foley goes on about how HHH makes an army for himself but Stephanie cuts him off mid-insult. Cue HHH to say Foley can say this to his face. Foley says that's fine but he didn't think HHH really existed. HHH laughs him off and they go back and forth about how Foley doesn't need this job and HHH uses his position to abuse his power. HHH says Foley needs to leave and go around the world again telling his sad story, but if he does, his kids can forget about working for WWE.
What Foley needs to do is go backstage and have an epiphany about how much he loves his job before doing whatever Stephanie tells him to do. Foley turns to leave but stops as Stephanie rants against the people for not respecting their bosses enough. HHH goes after Foley and gets Mr. Socko for his efforts. Stephanie makes the save with a low blow and HHH unbuttons his sleeves. Cue Seth Rollins on a crutch but it's quickly thrown to the side. Rollins comes in and hammers away but HHH grabs the crutch and hits him in the bad knee. HHH even busts out a reverse Figure Four to make Rollins scream to end the show.
Results
Sasha Banks b. Dana Brooke – Rollup with a handful of tights
Tony Nese/Brian Kendrick b. Akira Tozawa/TJ Perkins – Rollup with a handful of tights
Sami Zayn/Chris Jericho b. Kevin Owens/Samoa Joe via DQ when Joe and Owens double teamed Jericho
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Cesaro/Sheamus when Anderson and Gallows interfered
Roman Reigns b. Jinder Mahal – Superman Punch
Austin Aries b. Ariya Daivari – Roaring Elbow
Big Show b. Titus O'Neil – Chokeslam
Bayley b. Nia Jax via DQ when Nia attacked in the corner
Tuesday
Smackdown
Date: March 14, 2017
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips
We've got three Smackdowns left before Wrestlemania and now we have a #1 contender to Bray Wyatt's Smackdown World Title. However, that means we have issues between Commissioner Shane McMahon and AJ Styles and there's an official confrontation scheduled for tonight. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week's Talking Smack with AJ Styles confronting Shane McMahon after last week's Smackdown ended.
Daniel Bryan is on the phone with someone and runs down the show when AJ comes in. He wants Shane and threatens to slap Daniel if he says anything. Daniel suggests being calm because AJ needs to worry about his career.
Here's AJ in the ring to complain about what happened last week. Yeah he has to jump through a bunch of hoops and he knows someone like John Cena would never have to do that. His rematch came in a triple threat match and then against five opponents in the Elimination Chamber.
After that, Styles won a battle royal (not really) and beat the other guy they said won clean in the middle of the ring to become the #1 contender. Oh wait because Randy Orton burned Bray Wyatt's house down (Styles: “AND DIDN'T GET ARRESTED OR GO TO JAIL!”
and now he's in the main event of Wrestlemania XXXIII. On the other hand, AJ doesn't even have a match and he's going to do something about it.David Otunga is filming a movie and Mauro Ranallo is snowed in due to the blizzard in the northeast so we have a two man commentary booth tonight.
Becky Lynch vs. Natalya
Becky sends her into the corner to start and offers a handshake, earning one heck of a slap to the face. The threat of a choke sends Natalya to the floor and we take a break. Back with Natalya slamming Becky on the floor and grabbing a chinlock. Naturally that means the comeback is on with the Bexploder into the Disarm-Her for the tap out at 8:50.
Post match Carmella comes in and superkicks both of them down.
Video on John Cena hosting the Kids Choice Awards. It helps that Cena can come off like a big kid with ease so he's kind of perfect for the role.
Post break Carmella says she's the next champion.
It's time for MizTV with Miz introducing himself and Maryse as the special guests. First up we see a clip of last week's mixed tag with Cena and Nikki being taken down after their win. We also see Miz ripping into Cena on Talking Smack in another of those awesome promos that are going to be cast aside so Nikki Bella can get her marriage proposal.
Maryse tells a story about Nikki stabbing her in the back when she was going to come back to WWE and be on the first season of Total Divas. Then Nikki told her not to sign the contract because they could get a better one for more money. See, Nikki knew she could get what she wanted because she was dating Cena, meaning she was “untouchable”. The contract fell through though and only the Bellas got the big deal.
Cue Nikki and Cena to chase them off with Nikki saying Maryse wouldn't be here if she had anything to say about it. Maryse is the one who steals money every night because she's some brainless blowup doll. Nikki invites her into the ring for a fight but here's Bryan to say Miz running away makes Bryan want to punch him in the face.
That makes him think of all the times Miz makes fun of him for not being able to wrestle and all the times that he (poorly) imitates Bryan's moves and the fact that Miz knows Bryan can't punch him in the face makes Bryan want to punch him in the face even more. However, Cena and Nikki can so the mixed tag is on at Wrestlemania.
Alexa Bliss vs. Mickie James
Non-title. They lock up hard to start before Mickie takes her into the corner for some hard stomping. Bliss sends her outside off a hard whip and we take a break. Back with Bliss holding a cravate before being sent into the corner. Alexa fights up and grabs her by the throat with some crazy looking eyes. A sunset flip gets two on Mickie but the MickDT is countered into a pinfall reversal sequence. One heck of a right hand looks to set up Insult to Injury but Mickie kicks her in the head for the pin at 8:38.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot when Shane arrives. The beating is on with Shane being beaten up against an ice machine and then going through the window of a car. Fit Finlay makes a cameo to get rid of AJ as Shane is bleeding from the top of the head.
Back from a break with a doctor checking on Shane and blood coming down his head. Shane doesn't want to leave and has to be helped into another room.
The Usos don't like what AJ did but AJ takes his bag to leave. Daniel stops AJ and fires him. The fans aren't happy with this.
Mojo Rawley vs. Dolph Ziggler
They take turns throwing sweat at each other, which JBL calls one of the strangest things he's ever seen. Ziggler is thrown over the top and out to the floor twice in a row so he tosses JBL's hat. Back in and a dropkick gets one on Rawley but he throws Ziggler over the top for a third time. That's enough for Ziggler and he takes the countout at 2:29.
We look at the attack on Shane again. For some reason there was a camera inside the car.
Here's Randy Orton to discuss what happened a few weeks ago. Orton joined the Wyatt Family because he knew it was the only way to take them down. It could have been a single RKO but he wanted more. Now there's one more step to climb though and that's why at Wrestlemania, he's taking everything from Wyatt.
Cue Wyatt on screen to say Orton has stripped him down to nothing. Sister Abigail still beats in his heart though and now he has no boundaries, making him all powerful. Bray reaches down and digs through the dirt, which he then rubs all over himself. He says follow the buzzards and screams before the camera cuts. So Orton threatened Wyatt and then Bray soiled himself?
We look back at Baron Corbin lowering the forklift on Dean Ambrose last week. I still love the referees trying to lift the several thousand pound fork before realizing THEY CAN JUST PUSH THE UP BUTTON.
Corbin challenges Ambrose for Wrestlemania.
American Alpha vs. Usos
Non-title. Jordan starts fast with a dropkick and grabs a front facelock on Jimmy. We cut to a split screen with Jamie Noble and Finlay helping Shane through the back and come back with the Usos going up top at the same time but the champs stare them into a standoff. Back from a break with Jordan getting kicked out to the floor so the Usos can take over.
Jimmy grabs a chinlock and it's back to the split screen as Shane goes through the exit but turns around, seeming heading back to the ring. Jordan sends Jimmy into the corner and makes the hot tag to Gable for some house cleaning. The Steiner Bulldog is loaded up but Gable gets caught in the ropes, allowing Jey to superkick Jordan for the pin at 10:39.
Shane stumbles out says AJ has an opponent for Wrestlemania. The show goes off the air less than five seconds later.
Results
Becky Lynch b. Natalya – Disarm-Her
Mickie James b. Alexa Bliss – Spinning kick to the head
Mojo Rawley b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Wednesday
NXT
Date: March 15, 2017
Location: University Area CDC Gymnasium, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Percy Watson, Nigel Mcguinness, Tom Phillips
It's title time and that means we're going to know who is heading to the main event of Takeover: Orlando. Tonight Bobby Roode puts the NXT Title on the line against Kassius Ohno with the winner facing Shinsuke Nakamura for the title at the big show. This has some serious potential so let's get to it.
We get a quick look at the title match.
Opening sequence.
Ealy Brothers vs. Authors of Pain
Non-title and a result of last week's beatdown of the Ealy Twins. Uriel tries his luck on Ra'zar and gets headbutted down with ease. The Super Collider sets up the Last Chapter for the pin on Uriel at 2:23.
Post match Paul Ellering says his men are close to creating a dynasty and aren't scared of the Revival. Cue DIY to say they don't know what Ellering means half the time but they know they can beat the Authors of Pain. This brings out the Revival to say they're the best team in the world and want a rematch too. Now it's William Regal coming out to make a triple threat elimination match for the titles at Takeover.
Heavy Machinery, a tag team comprised of Otis Dozovic and Tucker Knight, is coming. I saw them at a house show earlier this year and they were pretty good.
Video on Asuka's dominance of the women's division. She's ready to crush Ember Moon at Takeover.
Macey Estrella vs. Nikki Cross
Estrella is sent face first into the mat to start and Cross hits six (yes six) straight swinging fisherman's neckbreakers for the pin at 2:29. The idea was that Cross didn't care how much she was hurting Estrella.
Post match Tye Dillinger and No Way Jose go after Sanity but get beaten down again.
Alistair Black video.
We look back at Billie Kay's injury last week.
We go to the Performance Center to check on Kay but see Andrade Cien Almas going after Hoho Lun. Oney Lorcan intervened and kept Lun safe.
Lorcan says he saw Lun getting bullied last week and if Almas wants to do that, try bullying him. They have a match next week.
Next week will also have a six man tag between Roderick Strong/No Way Jose/Tye Dillinger vs. Sanity.
Ohno says he's ready to make up for past failures.
Roode is ready to send Ohno packing.
NXT Title: Kassius Ohno vs. Bobby Roode
Ohno is challenging and wrestling in a shirt, likely to hide his not great physique. Roode is knocked to the floor to start and struck hard in the face back inside. Some chops and a clothesline put Roode on the floor and we take a break. Back with Roode in control, as is so often the case after a break. Roode slowly stomps and chokes away before hitting a hard clothesline in the corner.
More right hands have Ohno rocked as Roode isn't exactly showing an in-depth offense here. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Ohno fights up with his strikes, only to be sent over the corner and out to the floor in a big crash. Back from a second break with Roode cranking on both arms and putting a knee in Ohno's spine.
The Glorious DDT is countered into a release vertical suplex and Ohno gets in a sliding dropkick to the head. A spinning big boot to the jaw gets two for Ohno but Roode gets the same off a Backstabber. Ohno goes up and hits Diamond Dust of all things (flipping Stunner, one of my favorites) for no cover.
Instead Roode gets up and snaps off a spinebuster for two. Roode loads up the DDT again but Ohno just blasts him with the big forearm, sending Roode outside again. Back in and Ohno drops a big backsplash for two but Roode sends him throat first into the top rope. The Glorious DDT retains the title at 22:22.
Results
Authors of Pain b. Ealy Brothers – Last Chapter to Uriel
Nikki Cross b. Macey Estrella – Swinging fisherman's neckbreaker
Bobby Roode b. Kassius Ohno – Glorious DDT
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 16, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews, D'Angelo Dinero
Take two. Last week's relaunch of Impact Wrestling didn't get the best reception but it should be interesting to see where things go this week. The big story coming out of last week is Alberto El Patron winning the World Title, only to vacate it due to the controversial way in which he won the belt. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of last week's show. I think it might have used to work with WWE and it remembers when things were great before the fans left. The World Title gets more focus than anything else with Josh talking over everything a close second.
Opening sequence.
Here's Alberto for a chat. He loves it here because he doesn't need to pretend to be something he's not. Here he can be El Patron and THIS IS HIS HOUSE (that's one way to get Paige to break up with you). Last week he proved to everyone that he deserves to be the champion. He's not here to be a talker though because he'd rather fight. That means a challenge to Lashley but it's Ethan Carter III instead. Ethan knows how difficult it was to relinquish that title but if Alberto wants it back, he needs to earn it. Tonight, let's make it Si vs. 3.
Alberto says no but Ethan calls him out for not wanting to fight. That's still a no because El Patron is here to fight the big dog. Ethan shoves him down and a fight breaks out with security breaking it up. That's FINALLY enough for the match to be accepted. Now why in the world did this not happen LAST WEEK? If El Patron can beat Carter, at least it sets him up as a title contender instead of just throwing in another WWE reject to the main event.
Eddie Edwards talks about how he wants to make Impact great.
We go to a meeting with Bruce Prichard, Dutch Mantel and two other people who seem to have authority. Ignore last week when Mantel flat out said he was NOT an authority figure. Basically they don't know how Decay got the Tag Team Titles (they don't know their own stories) but Prichard knows how to figure it out.
JB gets a phone call telling him that EC3 vs. El Patron is on tonight, much to Josh's annoyance.
Video on the history of Tyrus and Eli Drake. There's enough between them for a history package?
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. vs. Eli Drake/Tyrus
Kid and Garza are from the Crash promotion in Mexico and this is their debut. Drake and the Kid start things off with Laredo snapping off a headscissors. Josh mocks JB for wanting to talk about the international partnerships before it's off to Garza. Eli misses a charge and falls out to the floor for a suicide dive. That's followed by a moonsault to the floor from Laredo but Tyrus knocks the Kid out of the air.
Back from a break with Laredo getting thrown across the ring in a good looking Tyrus suplex. Drake drops a jumping elbow but takes too much time talking, allowing Garza to come in off the hot tag. Eli takes him down as well but accidentally hits Tyrus. That means there's no one to tag, allowing Garza to grab a rollup on Drake for the pin at 11:03.
Josh says that was stupid.
Video on Eddie Edwards, Moose and James Storm appearing for Pro Wrestling Noah as part of the new talent exchange. To TNA's credit, this is pretty impressive and WAY better than their agreement with Wrestle-1.
Kayci Quinn vs. Brandi Rhodes
Quinn is making her debut. We hear about Brandi's education, which includes degrees from the University of Michigan and the University of Miami. Not bad. And never mind as Cody comes out to say this isn't happening. Cody isn't happy with Impact Wrestling pimping out the Rhodes name because he's going to do it instead. He tries to give Quinn $45 (“It's $20 more than they were going to pay you.”
before moving on to Moose. Cody: “Moose claims that he's in Japan. I AM JAPAN!” Cody wants Moose back here for the Grand Championship. Brandi tries to apologize to Quinn as they leave.Back from a break with Rosemary destroying Quinn. Thankfully this gives the announcers another chance to argue while Quinn is looked at. JB says law and order is coming soon.
Ethan Carter III wants to make Impact great.
Ethan Carter III vs. Alberto El Patron
I'm surprised this isn't the main event. Patron gets in a quick dropkick to the back for two and they're already on the floor. We take a break a minute in and come back with Carter punching him out of the air and stomping away in the corner. Carter says this is HIS house and they head outside again with El Patron sending the arm into the post and steps. Back in and Patron cranks on the arm but has to shove away the 1%er. A backdrop sends Patron to the floor and Carter rams him into the announcers' table for good measure. Back in and Patron enziguris him off the apron to send us to a second break.
We come back with Carter winning a slugout but getting caught in a Backstabber. Patron misses the top rope stomp though and the TK3 knocks him silly. There's no cover though as Carter hits a second TK3 for no cover again. Instead he goes to grab a chair but changes his mind, allowing El Patron to grab the cross armbreaker for the tap at 21:50.
Alberto applauds Carter and says that was one of the best matches of his career. Carter takes a few seconds but shakes Alberto's hand.
Reno Scum says they're here for the titles and call themselves the perfect combination of athleticism and violence. That took twenty seconds and told me more than I learned about them all of last week.
Ethan is frustrated in the back but Bruce Prichard gets in his face and shouts a bunch of stuff we can't hear.
Madison Rayne wants to make Impact great again.
JB says “she” is going to be here next week.
X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Suicide
Lee is defending and this is one fall to a finish. And yes, they brought back SUICIDE because that character was begging for a revival. Allie is here with Sutter but Shane Helms seems to have lost his Gregory in the relaunch. The champ gets triple teamed to start and we hit the heavily choreographed sequence where no one can make any contact because it's well rehearsed.
Suicide dropkicks Everett and bulldogs Sutter for two. Pope goes on a rant against Suicide because they had a falls count anywhere match back in the day but the mask kept Pope from knowing when he was hurt. We get a nice fake out with Suicide teasing diving onto Everett but instead falling backwards onto the other two. Everett hits a big springboard shooting star onto all three as we take a break.
Back with Josh plugging Schitt's Creek and Everett eating a Superman Punch. Lee gets powerslammed so Everett goes up top, only to have Lee get caught on Sutter's shoulders for a Tower of Doom. Cue Laurel Van Ness (still in the wedding clothes) to distract Sutter though and a jumping knee to Braxton's head retains Trevor's title at 12:50.
Post match Sienna comes out to warn Allie and Sutter of upcoming pain. Laurel is very pleased.
Moose wants to make Impact great again. I get what they're going for here but maybe they should stop talking about how great it's going to be and actually do something great.
Here's Bruce Prichard to address the Tag Team Title situation. See, titles are won and lost in the ring, not in space and time (The Hardys won the matches in wrestling rings you nitwit. If you're going to call a story stupid, at least get the details right.). Josh points out that Bruce too the title from Alberto in a board room on Monday but of course that's not brought up elsewhere. Anyway the titles will be decided in two weeks but here's Decay to interrupt. They rescued the titles from space and time so they should just be handed the belts now.
Prichard looks terrified of Rosemary but here's Reno Scum to cut them off. Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid come out to say they want the belts too and a brawl breaks out. Decay stands tall but here's LAX (Homicide and Konnan) for the big return, followed by three more members coming in from behind to help in the big beatdown. Konnan says they're serious “like a late period” to end the show.
Results
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Eli Drake/Tyrus – Rollup to Drake
Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Cross armbreaker
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett, Braxton Sutter and Suicide – Knee to Sutter's head
Friday
Nothing.
Saturday
Nothing.
Sunday
Nothing.
Quick Results
Monday Night Raw
Sasha Banks b. Dana Brooke – Rollup with a handful of tights
Tony Nese/Brian Kendrick b. Akira Tozawa/TJ Perkins – Rollup with a handful of tights
Sami Zayn/Chris Jericho b. Kevin Owens/Samoa Joe via DQ when Joe and Owens double teamed Jericho
Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Cesaro/Sheamus when Anderson and Gallows interfered
Roman Reigns b. Jinder Mahal – Superman Punch
Austin Aries b. Ariya Daivari – Roaring Elbow
Big Show b. Titus O'Neil – Chokeslam
Bayley b. Nia Jax via DQ when Nia attacked in the corner
Smackdown
Becky Lynch b. Natalya – Disarm-Her
Mickie James b. Alexa Bliss – Spinning kick to the head
Mojo Rawley b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
NXT
Authors of Pain b. Ealy Brothers – Last Chapter to Uriel
Nikki Cross b. Macey Estrella – Swinging fisherman's neckbreaker
Bobby Roode b. Kassius Ohno – Glorious DDT
Impact Wrestling
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Eli Drake/Tyrus – Rollup to Drake
Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Cross armbreaker
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett, Braxton Sutter and Suicide – Knee to Sutter's head