klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 2.1, up from last week.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2012
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Star: James Roday
We're a step closer to Wrestlemania now so it's hard to say what to expect. Well actually it isn't but that sounds better. Tonight we'll probably get more of Rock vs. Cena, although I'm not sure if Rock is going to be here tonight. Undertaker and HBK both will be though and their confrontation is one of the highlights of the show. Let's get to it.
Oh and I forgot: tonight Cena raps and we get another Rock concert.
The full theme song and opening sequence starts things out. We haven't seen that in awhile.
Lawler announces the Rock and Rap concert in the shadow of the Rock N Roll (Express?) Hall of Fame. We're going to start with Thuganomics so here's Cena in the Word Life gear, complete with chain and throwback jersey. He starts with a LeBron James joke to get the crowd to love him. If Rock gets all choked up, it's all in the wrist. I can't do these lines justice by just writing them out. He mentions the Tooth Fairy chant from last week. This one is short though and ends with him throwing nuts at the camera, like he'll do at Rock's face.
Here's Vickie who I can't understand. She introduces Dolph. Ok then.
Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler
Sheamus' march through the midcard continues. Ziggler can't quite pull off the pink but at least he matches Vickie. Sheamus takes him to the mat and then runs him over to start. Back to the mat with an armtrap headlock. Forearms in the ropes take us to the first break. Back with Sheamus clotheslining Dolph down. Sheamus hip tosses him to the outside but Dolph slips under the ring and hits a dropkick to take over.
Still on the floor Sheamus is rammed into the back and both guys are down. OH MAN there's a bit mark on his back. He manages to get back in at about eight and Dolph stomps away. Off to a chinlock as AJ and Bryan are in a skybox watching. Josh is up there so let's cut to Bryan talking instead of watching the match. AJ is scared of Bryan after Bryan told her to shut up last week.
Sheamus comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Celtic Cross is countered and a one man flapjack gets two. They botch what could have been a cool ending as Ziggler hooks a crucifix but Sheamus tries to pull him into White Noise but can't get him up. Fameasser gets two. Brogue Kick finishes clean at 11:53.
The Battle of the General Managers match was announced earlier on WWE.com The GM's will get to pick their own teams and the winner gets to run both shows.
Santino Marella/Aksana vs. David Otunga/???
Santino is captain for Team Teddy at Mania. Oh dear. Ace is on commentary here. Otunga is Ace's captain. Ace says hold it a minute. There's not going to be a mixed tag. Instead it's a handicap match.
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga/Mark Henry
Teddy comes out to an actual pop. Aksana is on the apron even though we were told this was a handicap. It's a 12 man tag at Mania. Teddy escorts Aksana out as Otunga jumps Santino. Teddy shoves Ace down and we're missing the match for the second time tonight. Santino avoids Otunga and comes back with his usual stuff but Henry makes a blind tag. He grabs the Cobra and headbutts Santino down. World's Strongest Slam makes Santino the latest squashed champion at 1:32.
Kofi comes out for the save but is beaten down as well. Truth comes out but is beaten down as well. Ace officially announces Henry as the second man on his team.
Preview for Psych, guest starring Miz.
Piece from Extra with the Bellas and Alicia talking about Mania and Rock vs. Cena.
Eve and her AWESOME rack is in the back when Ryder comes up. He wonders why Eve hasn't answered his calls this week. Ryder asks if she's playing him so she says be friends with benefits instead. Beth comes up and says she should have been on Extra. She's going to see Maria Menunos on Extra. I smell a celebrity match. Ryder leaves and Beth says she could get Ryder wrapped around her finger too if she wanted. Eve says she'd mind and leaves.
Ace is on the phone when Miz (hometown pop) comes in. He wants to know when he'll be added to Team Ace. Ace was on the phone with a member of the Board of Directors so Ace is mad. James Roday of Psych comes in and Miz says he's a guest star, which is the star power Team Ace needs. Miz has a match tonight and if he wins, he's on the team. Roday is guest ring announcer. He says he'll Fink it up tonight. Oh and Miz is facing CM Punk.
BRODUS IS BACK NEXT!!!!!
Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay
Jinder now has a case for his turban. The girls still look good, this time in white. Jinder jumps Brodus to start and gets a headbutt for his efforts. There's the suplex and a splash ends this in 26 seconds.
Brodus dances for a bit post match.
Some rapper is here.
It's Shawn time. He talks about how it's going to be the end of an era inside the Cell. Shawn is guest referee and HHH wasn't aware of that when he told HHH that last week. We get a clip of last week where HHH says he's going to end the Streak for Shawn. How that makes people stop talking about how Shawn couldn't do it still eludes me. Shawn has been in the back and he hasn't heard anyone calling him a loser.
However, there's one person that hasn't been around lately. He calls out Undertaker and 27 hours later, Taker is in the ring. Shawn accuses Taker of being the one talking about him and that that's not cool after what they did at Mania. Taker wants to know if it's eating at Shawn that he couldn't get it done. He thinks Shawn is just repeating what HHH has been saying. Taker starts talking about Shawn's insecurities and Shawn cuts him off.
It was Undertaker that was begging for the match so he's the insecure one. Last year HHH got so close to beating him that Taker needs another match. Taker says he's prepared to accept the outcome whether it's a win or a loss, but he's not prepared to have Shawn cost him everything.
He says Mania is on April 21st and that Shawn will pay if the outcome isn't pure. Shawn says this is irony, not destiny. The guy whose career Taker ended might end the Streak. He could still be the guy to end the Streak. Taker says he'll win and that the Streak will continue and he'll end an era. If Shawn screws him, he'll end Shawn. Shawn pulls back like he's going to superkick Taker but doesn't move. He leaves with a smile. Shawn gets to the stage and HHH meets him. They share a quick look and Shawn leaves. HHH shoots Taker a crotch chop.
CM Punk vs. The Miz
Roday is the ring announcer. If Miz wins he's on Team Ace. Miz takes over with a quick knee to the ribs and we take a break 40 seconds in. Back with Miz holding Punk in an abdominal stretch. Punk comes back with some kicks but the GTS is countered. Low DDT gets two. The Finale is countered into the Vice and we're done at 6:10. Since we saw about 2:20 of that, I'm not going to bother rating it but it was mostly a squash.
Jericho pops up on screen and says that Punk is a fraud. He says he's found out something about Punk. Punk is straightedge because his father is an alcoholic which is why Punk doesn't drink. It scares Punk which is why he puts on this big front. Punk is going to drink eventually and Jericho is going to drive him to it. Punk almost freaks out like he's having a relapse but gets serious again.
We get a commercial for David Otunga's law offices. See, THAT is the kind of character development that the people in today's company is starving for.
Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
Orton takes over to start and sends Jack into the steps as we take a break. Back with Swagger controlling with a top wristlock as Cole says the attendance for at least the third time tonight. Swagger goes after the ankle but misses the Vader Bomb. Jack grabs the ankle but Orton kicks him off and they go up to the corner. A superplex puts Swagger down and Orton comes back with his signature package. RKO ends this clean at 8:30.
Post match the Kane pyro goes off and the red light comes on but there's no Kane.
We recap the Cena rap (with the fourth use of attitudinal by Cole).
HHH, Shawn and Undertaker will be at Raw next week. Cena vs. Henry next week also.
Here's Rock with a guitar for the Rock Concert. Rock talks about how the people have broken a record. This is the largest sellout crowd the WWE has ever had in Cleveland. He says to chant Cleveland instead of Rock. He wants to know if the people have seen Marky Mark tonight. What's up with the chain anyway? Also Cena looks like Vanilla Ice crossed with a Teletubbie. And he has pictures. This isn't funny.
Rock sits down with the guitar and the fans cheer for him. This isn't about a two minute rap because Cleveland Rocks. Rock gets a spotlight and starts singing what sounds like a parody of Jailhouse Rock. He says Cleveland Rocks a lot and the people cheer. Rock says Cena went to a doctor last week and he's got a song about it. It ends with Cena wanting a rectal exam. Now he has a story about Cena and Eve. They were making out but Cena has a wife. Ok then.
Now he's got a story about Cena's birthday. The doctor wanted to get rid of Cena at birth and Cena had lady parts. THIS ISN'T FUNNY! I know that's blasphemy but this isn't funny at all. He keeps singing about how Cleveland Rocks so the fans cheer for him but the stuff he's saying isn't funny. He asks if there are any adult male Cena fans and says that they're virgins in a funny bit. He asks about the ladies. Rock says he loves women and there's a special woman that he has a song for. He's going to bring her wine and yeah it's Cena's mom.
He has his finale now and it's for the people. This if for Team Bring It. It's for the millions you see. It's We Will Rock You. Rock actually sings the song but throws in some Cena Sucks lines. There are lyrics on the screen for the modified lyrics. Rock totally screws the words up (I mean, we can see them on the screen) and that's it. No Cena at all. Seriously? This was the lowest Rock has his since he's been back.
Results
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler Brogue Kick
David Otunga/Mark Henry b. Santino Marella World's Strongest Slam
Brodus Clay b. Jinder Mahal Splash
CM Punk b. The Miz Anaconda Vice
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger RKO
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.3, the same as last week.
Wednesday
James Storm had ankle surgery this week. No word that he'll be out on Sunday but it's unlikely he'll be 100%.
Due to a ruling about the UFC, professional wrestling has been banned in Oklahoma, meaning no more WWE events there. There's a Raw there later this year so it should be interesting to see where things go.
NXT
Date: March 14, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal
With this show, half of NXT has been in this season. I can't believe that. I mean, it feels like we've been at that point for years and years. Anyway, Regal is in his second week in power now and hopefully something changes because last week was the same thing as we've always had. Tonight's big match is a mixed tag with Bateman/Kaitlyn vs. Maxine/Curtis. Let's get to it.
Striker and Regal are in the ring to open the show. Regal is the Official Match Coordinator. Tonight is all tag matches.
Titus O'Neil/Darren Young vs. Usos
The heels make fun of the Siva Tao on their way to the ring. Titus gets beaten down in the corner almost immediately. The Usos double team and use some nice coordination for a corner splash for two on O'Neil. Darren comes in and walks into an uppercut from Jey. Young gets launched over the top in the corner and Jimmy hits a cross body off the apron. Jey takes out Titus and we're almost in squash territory here.
We take a break and come back with Jimmy and Darren slugging it out, won by Darren. Back to Titus who rams Jimmy into the corner and it's right back to Darren. The heels double team well enough to send Jimmy into the apron and out to the floor. The beating continues for awhile until Jimmy gets something like a superkick up in the corner to take Young down. There's the double tag to bring in Titus and Jey. The place erupted for the tag and then just kind of stopped caring. They've been hot so far though. Samoan Drop takes down Titus and the Superfly Splash gets the pin at 8:05.
Percy Watson and Alex Riley talk about basketball in the back. They have a tag match later tonight. Reks and Hawkins come in and Regal pops up (this was earlier in the day apparently) to make the tag match. If Reks/Hawkins lose, they're doing Regal's laundry.
Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks vs. Alex Riley/Percy Watson
Watson starts with Reks but gets caught in the wrong corner. The double teaming allows Reks to take over and Watson is in trouble early. A knee drop gets two. Off to Hawkins and the chinlock. This is a really dull match. Unlike the previous one which built up a hot tag, this has been Reks and Hawkins in control from the star with nothing interesting at all. Watson comes back with a belly to belly throw and there's the tag to Riley with no pop from the crowd this time. Riley is now the Rare Breed. Oh boy. Riley takes Hawkins down but a distraction from Reks allows Hawkins to slam him off and hit a top rope elbow for the pin at 5:05.
Maxine is leaving a note for Striker when Kaitlyn runs in and rams into her. She's playing tag with Bateman apparently. Someone canceled Kaitlyn's flight again but Maxine says she doesn't know anything about that. Bateman comes in as does Curtis who apparently wants a fourway. In the ring that is. Apparently there really was a game of tag going on.
Here's Michael McGillicutty in street clothes. On the way to the ring we see a recap of his feud with Kidd. McGillicutty gets on the fans for being pathetic and demands respect. Kidd talking about hanging out with Bret Hart is lame too. No rematch either. Here's Tyson to talk about how he's been with the Harts since he was 16. McGillicutty says that no matter what he does, Kidd will never be a Hart. Kidd hits him with the mic and they go to the floor. Tyson tries for a Sharpshooter but Michael runs away. McGillicutty agrees to the rematch.
Raw ReBound makes sure the main event isn't that long.
Kaitlyn/Derrick Bateman vs. Maxine/Johnny Curtis
Regal says Bateman was raised by nuns. No joke there, just a statement of fact. The girls start and Maxine gets taken down a lot. Apparently that was Regal's office they were in rather than Striker's. Maxine is frustrated and we take a break. Back with the guys in there and Curtis taking him to the mat by the leg. Curtis keeps looking at Kaitlyn and dancing for her which results in a Bateman rollup for two. Regal works in an Exotic Adrian Street reference for you old time fans. Kaitlyn slaps Curtis and the falling bulldog gets the pin at 3:32. Since a good bit of that was on a commercial no rating, but this was nothing.
Kaitlyn hugs Bateman's mom as she leaves.
Bateman says that Maxine can go with whomever she wants, be it Curtis or Regal. Regal: Wait what? Bateman says tag, you're it to Kaitlyn and kisses her to end the show.
Results
Usos b. Titus O'Neil/Darren Young Superfly Splash to O'Neil
Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks b. Alex Riley/Percy Watson Top Rope Elbow to Watson
Derrick Bateman/Kaitlyn b. Maxine/Johnny Curtis Sweetness to Curtis
Thursday
The assumed celebrity Divas tag match was announced today: Beth/Eve vs. Kelly/Maria Menunos. Maria is very attractive so I can't complain here.
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 15, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's the go home show for Victory Road which likely means that we'll see more of a build between Roode vs. Sting. Also we've got Abyss running around (ok more like slowly walking) without his mask, talking about how he's looking for his brother. That's actually the most intriguing storyline on the show at the moment. Also there's probably going to be more in the Bischoff saga. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Sting vs. Roode. Their contract signing is tonight. Shouldn't that have been taken care of more than three days before the PPV?
Here's Storm to talk about Bobby Roode. Roode is selfish and that's what's wrong with the world today: too many takers and not enough givers. At Lockdown, he's going to give, want and take. He's going to give Roode a whipping, Roode is going to want mercy and he's going to take the world title. Storm isn't sorry for Roode's luck, because Roode is going to need all the luck he can get.
Storm is about to leave but here's Ray. Ray says he kicked a chair into Storm's head. Storm says he kicked Ray's teeth down his throat. Ray says kiss my calves and that Storm isn't making it to Lockdown. Storm goes into the aisle and wants to fight right now. They argue for awhile and Gunner comes out for some reason. He and storm get into it but suits and agents come out to break it up. Storm had ankle surgery earlier this week so hopefully he can go on Sunday.
Gail and Madison argue in the back even more and run into Sting. He tells them to chill because he's got Roode on his mind. Gail vs. Mickie tonight and Madison vs. Velvet.
Roode rants about Sting being in the main event.
Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne
Madison tries to jump Velvet during her entrance but Velvet takes her down. No pigeons this week. Low dropkick gets two for Sky and here comes Madison. Madison chokes her on the ropes and hooks a cravate. That goes nowhere so Madison throws her to the floor. Neckbreaker gets two back inside. Off to a chinlock but Velvet comes back with a jawbreaker. Velvet comes back with forearms, a clothesline and a bulldog. Madison breaks up whatever Velvet was attempting out of a headlock. Velvet tries an O'Connor Roll but Madison reverses into one of her own and uses the tights for the pin at 4:00.
Morgan and Crimson debate whether it's about money or wins.
Crimson vs. Samoa Joe
Joe pounds him into the corner and hits the enziguri in the other corner. Knee drop gets two. Crimson comes back and takes Joe down, hitting a running low boot for two. Off to the Cravate and into a neckbreaker for two. Joe comes back with an atomic drop and a backsplash for two. Snap powerslam gets two for the Samoan. Crimson comes back with a spinebuster for two. Crimson charges into the release Rock Bottom in the corner and Joe loads up the MuscleBuster, but the partners get in a fight on the floor. The distraction allows Crimson to spear Joe for the pin at 4:31.
Aries has champagne and is up next.
Back and Aries is in the ring. He talks about how he's now the longest reigning X Champion ever and has a video about his greatness. He thanks the other X guys for not being that good and has a drink. Here's Ion to interrupt. Zema says that last week he beat Aries at his (Ion's) own game. Give him the title now, or Aries might suffer the same fate as Jesse Sorensen. Aries lets Ion do the toast and the drink goes in Aries' face. Aries pours the rest of the bottle on him and throws Ion out like trash.
Joseph Park (is it Park or Parks?) talks to Gunner but Gunner blows him off.
We recap the proposal last week. The two of them are in the back and discuss the wedding plans. They debate places they could have the wedding. Yep, it'll be in the ring.
Angle doesn't like Garrett Bischoff or Jeff Hardy.
Sting says you'll see every side of Sting's personality and career on Sunday.
Mickie James vs. Gail Kim
Mickie controls to start and throws her to the mat for two. Out to the floor and Gail grabs the belt. She gets it knocked out of her hands and Mickie brings her back in. Mickie tries to hook a victory roll in the corner but Gail Stuns her leg to take over. Gail works on the knee for a long while but gets rolled up for two. Neckbreaker gets two for Mickie as does the middle rope Press. Gail goes to the floor and this time the belt shot works, getting the pin at 5:21.
Anderson is in the back and Daniels/Kaz bring up some lemonade. They want to know what Anderson is doing in this because he's not involved. Also why pick AJ's side instead of theirs? There's a tag match Sunday.
Christopher Daniels vs. Mr. Anderson
Tenay suggests that Kaz is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome with Daniels. Anderson starts fast and sends Daniels to the floor. Daniels is bleeding from the cheek a bit. Anderson sends him into the barricade and then back inside. We talk about Joseph Park and apparently he's an attorney from Chicago. Anderson gets a rollup for two but Daniels comes back with a bridging northern lights suplex for two. A slingshot moonsault eats knees though and Anderson hooks a neckbreaker for two. Daniels tries something in the corner but gets caught in the rolling fireman's carry slam for two. Here's Kaz but AJ pulls him off the apron and knocks him to the back. Mic Check gets the pin at 5:45.
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff
This is a five minute challenge and the latest chapter in How many big stars can we put Garrett in the ring with in the hopes that someone cares about him because the guy has NO freaking talent but he's Eric Bischoff's son and since Eric Bischoff never learned from Erik Watts or Vince McMahon and doesn't get that most people's kids can't freaking wrestle he's putting his son out there with guys like Hogan and Angle when the kid can barely do anything beyond an armdrag but that's not his fault because really, would you say no to the spot story.
Angle dominates him and takes him to the mat with ease. He hooks a chinlock and then throws Garrett to the floor. Bischoff gets in some right hands but gets caught in a snap suplex on the floor. Angle suplexes him a lot as the clock starts to run out. Garrett escapes the Angle Slam and throws Kurt to the floor with thirty seconds to go. Angle hits the Slam with 2 seconds left but the time expires.
Angle puts him in the ankle lock until Jeff makes the save.
The Robs have nothing to say but there's another open challenge this Sunday.
We run down the card for Sunday and Sting vs. Roode is no holds barred.
James Storm vs. Gunner
They slug it out to start and Gunner goes to the eyes. Gunner takes over quickly and throws Storm to the floor for a bit. Back in and Gunner cranks on the neck as Ray tells Gunner to put his fist into Storm's head. Storm comes back with clotheslines and forearms followed by the Codebreaker (now dubbed Closing Time). Last Call ends this at 3:51.
Video on Roode vs. Sting and their match at Victory Road.
Both Sting and Roode are in the ring for the contract signing. Both sign and then Roode has something to say. He remembers becoming the world champion and every day since then, Sting has been a thorn in his side. Twenty two years ago Sting won his first world title and had everything going for him. Now Sting is jealous of Roode because he sees himself 22 years ago but even better. Sting is always around stealing the spotlight from the younger guys and why?
Sting isn't as young as he used to be and is getting older and slower. He wears face paint to hide what he sees because he knows he doesn't have it anymore. This is all Roode talking in case that wasn't clear. On Sunday, Roode is going to expose him for someone that should have left a long time ago.
Sting stands up and puts paint on his face but Roode says he's not afraid of it. Now Sting puts the paint on Roode's face and beats him up, destroying his knee in the process with kicks. He clotheslines Roode to the floor to end the show.
Results
Madison Rayne b. Velvet Sky Rollup with a handful of tights
Crimson b. Samoa Joe Spear
Gail Kim b. Mickie James Pin after a shot with the Knockouts Title Belt
Mr. Anderson b. Christopher Daniels Mic Check
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff went to a time limit draw
James Storm b. Gunner Last Call
Smackdown got a 2.1, up from last week.
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2012
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Star: James Roday
We're a step closer to Wrestlemania now so it's hard to say what to expect. Well actually it isn't but that sounds better. Tonight we'll probably get more of Rock vs. Cena, although I'm not sure if Rock is going to be here tonight. Undertaker and HBK both will be though and their confrontation is one of the highlights of the show. Let's get to it.
Oh and I forgot: tonight Cena raps and we get another Rock concert.
The full theme song and opening sequence starts things out. We haven't seen that in awhile.
Lawler announces the Rock and Rap concert in the shadow of the Rock N Roll (Express?) Hall of Fame. We're going to start with Thuganomics so here's Cena in the Word Life gear, complete with chain and throwback jersey. He starts with a LeBron James joke to get the crowd to love him. If Rock gets all choked up, it's all in the wrist. I can't do these lines justice by just writing them out. He mentions the Tooth Fairy chant from last week. This one is short though and ends with him throwing nuts at the camera, like he'll do at Rock's face.
Here's Vickie who I can't understand. She introduces Dolph. Ok then.
Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler
Sheamus' march through the midcard continues. Ziggler can't quite pull off the pink but at least he matches Vickie. Sheamus takes him to the mat and then runs him over to start. Back to the mat with an armtrap headlock. Forearms in the ropes take us to the first break. Back with Sheamus clotheslining Dolph down. Sheamus hip tosses him to the outside but Dolph slips under the ring and hits a dropkick to take over.
Still on the floor Sheamus is rammed into the back and both guys are down. OH MAN there's a bit mark on his back. He manages to get back in at about eight and Dolph stomps away. Off to a chinlock as AJ and Bryan are in a skybox watching. Josh is up there so let's cut to Bryan talking instead of watching the match. AJ is scared of Bryan after Bryan told her to shut up last week.
Sheamus comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Celtic Cross is countered and a one man flapjack gets two. They botch what could have been a cool ending as Ziggler hooks a crucifix but Sheamus tries to pull him into White Noise but can't get him up. Fameasser gets two. Brogue Kick finishes clean at 11:53.
The Battle of the General Managers match was announced earlier on WWE.com The GM's will get to pick their own teams and the winner gets to run both shows.
Santino Marella/Aksana vs. David Otunga/???
Santino is captain for Team Teddy at Mania. Oh dear. Ace is on commentary here. Otunga is Ace's captain. Ace says hold it a minute. There's not going to be a mixed tag. Instead it's a handicap match.
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga/Mark Henry
Teddy comes out to an actual pop. Aksana is on the apron even though we were told this was a handicap. It's a 12 man tag at Mania. Teddy escorts Aksana out as Otunga jumps Santino. Teddy shoves Ace down and we're missing the match for the second time tonight. Santino avoids Otunga and comes back with his usual stuff but Henry makes a blind tag. He grabs the Cobra and headbutts Santino down. World's Strongest Slam makes Santino the latest squashed champion at 1:32.
Kofi comes out for the save but is beaten down as well. Truth comes out but is beaten down as well. Ace officially announces Henry as the second man on his team.
Preview for Psych, guest starring Miz.
Piece from Extra with the Bellas and Alicia talking about Mania and Rock vs. Cena.
Eve and her AWESOME rack is in the back when Ryder comes up. He wonders why Eve hasn't answered his calls this week. Ryder asks if she's playing him so she says be friends with benefits instead. Beth comes up and says she should have been on Extra. She's going to see Maria Menunos on Extra. I smell a celebrity match. Ryder leaves and Beth says she could get Ryder wrapped around her finger too if she wanted. Eve says she'd mind and leaves.
Ace is on the phone when Miz (hometown pop) comes in. He wants to know when he'll be added to Team Ace. Ace was on the phone with a member of the Board of Directors so Ace is mad. James Roday of Psych comes in and Miz says he's a guest star, which is the star power Team Ace needs. Miz has a match tonight and if he wins, he's on the team. Roday is guest ring announcer. He says he'll Fink it up tonight. Oh and Miz is facing CM Punk.
BRODUS IS BACK NEXT!!!!!
Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay
Jinder now has a case for his turban. The girls still look good, this time in white. Jinder jumps Brodus to start and gets a headbutt for his efforts. There's the suplex and a splash ends this in 26 seconds.
Brodus dances for a bit post match.
Some rapper is here.
It's Shawn time. He talks about how it's going to be the end of an era inside the Cell. Shawn is guest referee and HHH wasn't aware of that when he told HHH that last week. We get a clip of last week where HHH says he's going to end the Streak for Shawn. How that makes people stop talking about how Shawn couldn't do it still eludes me. Shawn has been in the back and he hasn't heard anyone calling him a loser.
However, there's one person that hasn't been around lately. He calls out Undertaker and 27 hours later, Taker is in the ring. Shawn accuses Taker of being the one talking about him and that that's not cool after what they did at Mania. Taker wants to know if it's eating at Shawn that he couldn't get it done. He thinks Shawn is just repeating what HHH has been saying. Taker starts talking about Shawn's insecurities and Shawn cuts him off.
It was Undertaker that was begging for the match so he's the insecure one. Last year HHH got so close to beating him that Taker needs another match. Taker says he's prepared to accept the outcome whether it's a win or a loss, but he's not prepared to have Shawn cost him everything.
He says Mania is on April 21st and that Shawn will pay if the outcome isn't pure. Shawn says this is irony, not destiny. The guy whose career Taker ended might end the Streak. He could still be the guy to end the Streak. Taker says he'll win and that the Streak will continue and he'll end an era. If Shawn screws him, he'll end Shawn. Shawn pulls back like he's going to superkick Taker but doesn't move. He leaves with a smile. Shawn gets to the stage and HHH meets him. They share a quick look and Shawn leaves. HHH shoots Taker a crotch chop.
CM Punk vs. The Miz
Roday is the ring announcer. If Miz wins he's on Team Ace. Miz takes over with a quick knee to the ribs and we take a break 40 seconds in. Back with Miz holding Punk in an abdominal stretch. Punk comes back with some kicks but the GTS is countered. Low DDT gets two. The Finale is countered into the Vice and we're done at 6:10. Since we saw about 2:20 of that, I'm not going to bother rating it but it was mostly a squash.
Jericho pops up on screen and says that Punk is a fraud. He says he's found out something about Punk. Punk is straightedge because his father is an alcoholic which is why Punk doesn't drink. It scares Punk which is why he puts on this big front. Punk is going to drink eventually and Jericho is going to drive him to it. Punk almost freaks out like he's having a relapse but gets serious again.
We get a commercial for David Otunga's law offices. See, THAT is the kind of character development that the people in today's company is starving for.
Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger
Orton takes over to start and sends Jack into the steps as we take a break. Back with Swagger controlling with a top wristlock as Cole says the attendance for at least the third time tonight. Swagger goes after the ankle but misses the Vader Bomb. Jack grabs the ankle but Orton kicks him off and they go up to the corner. A superplex puts Swagger down and Orton comes back with his signature package. RKO ends this clean at 8:30.
Post match the Kane pyro goes off and the red light comes on but there's no Kane.
We recap the Cena rap (with the fourth use of attitudinal by Cole).
HHH, Shawn and Undertaker will be at Raw next week. Cena vs. Henry next week also.
Here's Rock with a guitar for the Rock Concert. Rock talks about how the people have broken a record. This is the largest sellout crowd the WWE has ever had in Cleveland. He says to chant Cleveland instead of Rock. He wants to know if the people have seen Marky Mark tonight. What's up with the chain anyway? Also Cena looks like Vanilla Ice crossed with a Teletubbie. And he has pictures. This isn't funny.
Rock sits down with the guitar and the fans cheer for him. This isn't about a two minute rap because Cleveland Rocks. Rock gets a spotlight and starts singing what sounds like a parody of Jailhouse Rock. He says Cleveland Rocks a lot and the people cheer. Rock says Cena went to a doctor last week and he's got a song about it. It ends with Cena wanting a rectal exam. Now he has a story about Cena and Eve. They were making out but Cena has a wife. Ok then.
Now he's got a story about Cena's birthday. The doctor wanted to get rid of Cena at birth and Cena had lady parts. THIS ISN'T FUNNY! I know that's blasphemy but this isn't funny at all. He keeps singing about how Cleveland Rocks so the fans cheer for him but the stuff he's saying isn't funny. He asks if there are any adult male Cena fans and says that they're virgins in a funny bit. He asks about the ladies. Rock says he loves women and there's a special woman that he has a song for. He's going to bring her wine and yeah it's Cena's mom.
He has his finale now and it's for the people. This if for Team Bring It. It's for the millions you see. It's We Will Rock You. Rock actually sings the song but throws in some Cena Sucks lines. There are lyrics on the screen for the modified lyrics. Rock totally screws the words up (I mean, we can see them on the screen) and that's it. No Cena at all. Seriously? This was the lowest Rock has his since he's been back.
Results
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler Brogue Kick
David Otunga/Mark Henry b. Santino Marella World's Strongest Slam
Brodus Clay b. Jinder Mahal Splash
CM Punk b. The Miz Anaconda Vice
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger RKO
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.3, the same as last week.
Wednesday
James Storm had ankle surgery this week. No word that he'll be out on Sunday but it's unlikely he'll be 100%.
Due to a ruling about the UFC, professional wrestling has been banned in Oklahoma, meaning no more WWE events there. There's a Raw there later this year so it should be interesting to see where things go.
NXT
Date: March 14, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal
With this show, half of NXT has been in this season. I can't believe that. I mean, it feels like we've been at that point for years and years. Anyway, Regal is in his second week in power now and hopefully something changes because last week was the same thing as we've always had. Tonight's big match is a mixed tag with Bateman/Kaitlyn vs. Maxine/Curtis. Let's get to it.
Striker and Regal are in the ring to open the show. Regal is the Official Match Coordinator. Tonight is all tag matches.
Titus O'Neil/Darren Young vs. Usos
The heels make fun of the Siva Tao on their way to the ring. Titus gets beaten down in the corner almost immediately. The Usos double team and use some nice coordination for a corner splash for two on O'Neil. Darren comes in and walks into an uppercut from Jey. Young gets launched over the top in the corner and Jimmy hits a cross body off the apron. Jey takes out Titus and we're almost in squash territory here.
We take a break and come back with Jimmy and Darren slugging it out, won by Darren. Back to Titus who rams Jimmy into the corner and it's right back to Darren. The heels double team well enough to send Jimmy into the apron and out to the floor. The beating continues for awhile until Jimmy gets something like a superkick up in the corner to take Young down. There's the double tag to bring in Titus and Jey. The place erupted for the tag and then just kind of stopped caring. They've been hot so far though. Samoan Drop takes down Titus and the Superfly Splash gets the pin at 8:05.
Percy Watson and Alex Riley talk about basketball in the back. They have a tag match later tonight. Reks and Hawkins come in and Regal pops up (this was earlier in the day apparently) to make the tag match. If Reks/Hawkins lose, they're doing Regal's laundry.
Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks vs. Alex Riley/Percy Watson
Watson starts with Reks but gets caught in the wrong corner. The double teaming allows Reks to take over and Watson is in trouble early. A knee drop gets two. Off to Hawkins and the chinlock. This is a really dull match. Unlike the previous one which built up a hot tag, this has been Reks and Hawkins in control from the star with nothing interesting at all. Watson comes back with a belly to belly throw and there's the tag to Riley with no pop from the crowd this time. Riley is now the Rare Breed. Oh boy. Riley takes Hawkins down but a distraction from Reks allows Hawkins to slam him off and hit a top rope elbow for the pin at 5:05.
Maxine is leaving a note for Striker when Kaitlyn runs in and rams into her. She's playing tag with Bateman apparently. Someone canceled Kaitlyn's flight again but Maxine says she doesn't know anything about that. Bateman comes in as does Curtis who apparently wants a fourway. In the ring that is. Apparently there really was a game of tag going on.
Here's Michael McGillicutty in street clothes. On the way to the ring we see a recap of his feud with Kidd. McGillicutty gets on the fans for being pathetic and demands respect. Kidd talking about hanging out with Bret Hart is lame too. No rematch either. Here's Tyson to talk about how he's been with the Harts since he was 16. McGillicutty says that no matter what he does, Kidd will never be a Hart. Kidd hits him with the mic and they go to the floor. Tyson tries for a Sharpshooter but Michael runs away. McGillicutty agrees to the rematch.
Raw ReBound makes sure the main event isn't that long.
Kaitlyn/Derrick Bateman vs. Maxine/Johnny Curtis
Regal says Bateman was raised by nuns. No joke there, just a statement of fact. The girls start and Maxine gets taken down a lot. Apparently that was Regal's office they were in rather than Striker's. Maxine is frustrated and we take a break. Back with the guys in there and Curtis taking him to the mat by the leg. Curtis keeps looking at Kaitlyn and dancing for her which results in a Bateman rollup for two. Regal works in an Exotic Adrian Street reference for you old time fans. Kaitlyn slaps Curtis and the falling bulldog gets the pin at 3:32. Since a good bit of that was on a commercial no rating, but this was nothing.
Kaitlyn hugs Bateman's mom as she leaves.
Bateman says that Maxine can go with whomever she wants, be it Curtis or Regal. Regal: Wait what? Bateman says tag, you're it to Kaitlyn and kisses her to end the show.
Results
Usos b. Titus O'Neil/Darren Young Superfly Splash to O'Neil
Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks b. Alex Riley/Percy Watson Top Rope Elbow to Watson
Derrick Bateman/Kaitlyn b. Maxine/Johnny Curtis Sweetness to Curtis
Thursday
The assumed celebrity Divas tag match was announced today: Beth/Eve vs. Kelly/Maria Menunos. Maria is very attractive so I can't complain here.
Impact Wrestling
Date: March 15, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's the go home show for Victory Road which likely means that we'll see more of a build between Roode vs. Sting. Also we've got Abyss running around (ok more like slowly walking) without his mask, talking about how he's looking for his brother. That's actually the most intriguing storyline on the show at the moment. Also there's probably going to be more in the Bischoff saga. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Sting vs. Roode. Their contract signing is tonight. Shouldn't that have been taken care of more than three days before the PPV?
Here's Storm to talk about Bobby Roode. Roode is selfish and that's what's wrong with the world today: too many takers and not enough givers. At Lockdown, he's going to give, want and take. He's going to give Roode a whipping, Roode is going to want mercy and he's going to take the world title. Storm isn't sorry for Roode's luck, because Roode is going to need all the luck he can get.
Storm is about to leave but here's Ray. Ray says he kicked a chair into Storm's head. Storm says he kicked Ray's teeth down his throat. Ray says kiss my calves and that Storm isn't making it to Lockdown. Storm goes into the aisle and wants to fight right now. They argue for awhile and Gunner comes out for some reason. He and storm get into it but suits and agents come out to break it up. Storm had ankle surgery earlier this week so hopefully he can go on Sunday.
Gail and Madison argue in the back even more and run into Sting. He tells them to chill because he's got Roode on his mind. Gail vs. Mickie tonight and Madison vs. Velvet.
Roode rants about Sting being in the main event.
Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne
Madison tries to jump Velvet during her entrance but Velvet takes her down. No pigeons this week. Low dropkick gets two for Sky and here comes Madison. Madison chokes her on the ropes and hooks a cravate. That goes nowhere so Madison throws her to the floor. Neckbreaker gets two back inside. Off to a chinlock but Velvet comes back with a jawbreaker. Velvet comes back with forearms, a clothesline and a bulldog. Madison breaks up whatever Velvet was attempting out of a headlock. Velvet tries an O'Connor Roll but Madison reverses into one of her own and uses the tights for the pin at 4:00.
Morgan and Crimson debate whether it's about money or wins.
Crimson vs. Samoa Joe
Joe pounds him into the corner and hits the enziguri in the other corner. Knee drop gets two. Crimson comes back and takes Joe down, hitting a running low boot for two. Off to the Cravate and into a neckbreaker for two. Joe comes back with an atomic drop and a backsplash for two. Snap powerslam gets two for the Samoan. Crimson comes back with a spinebuster for two. Crimson charges into the release Rock Bottom in the corner and Joe loads up the MuscleBuster, but the partners get in a fight on the floor. The distraction allows Crimson to spear Joe for the pin at 4:31.
Aries has champagne and is up next.
Back and Aries is in the ring. He talks about how he's now the longest reigning X Champion ever and has a video about his greatness. He thanks the other X guys for not being that good and has a drink. Here's Ion to interrupt. Zema says that last week he beat Aries at his (Ion's) own game. Give him the title now, or Aries might suffer the same fate as Jesse Sorensen. Aries lets Ion do the toast and the drink goes in Aries' face. Aries pours the rest of the bottle on him and throws Ion out like trash.
Joseph Park (is it Park or Parks?) talks to Gunner but Gunner blows him off.
We recap the proposal last week. The two of them are in the back and discuss the wedding plans. They debate places they could have the wedding. Yep, it'll be in the ring.
Angle doesn't like Garrett Bischoff or Jeff Hardy.
Sting says you'll see every side of Sting's personality and career on Sunday.
Mickie James vs. Gail Kim
Mickie controls to start and throws her to the mat for two. Out to the floor and Gail grabs the belt. She gets it knocked out of her hands and Mickie brings her back in. Mickie tries to hook a victory roll in the corner but Gail Stuns her leg to take over. Gail works on the knee for a long while but gets rolled up for two. Neckbreaker gets two for Mickie as does the middle rope Press. Gail goes to the floor and this time the belt shot works, getting the pin at 5:21.
Anderson is in the back and Daniels/Kaz bring up some lemonade. They want to know what Anderson is doing in this because he's not involved. Also why pick AJ's side instead of theirs? There's a tag match Sunday.
Christopher Daniels vs. Mr. Anderson
Tenay suggests that Kaz is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome with Daniels. Anderson starts fast and sends Daniels to the floor. Daniels is bleeding from the cheek a bit. Anderson sends him into the barricade and then back inside. We talk about Joseph Park and apparently he's an attorney from Chicago. Anderson gets a rollup for two but Daniels comes back with a bridging northern lights suplex for two. A slingshot moonsault eats knees though and Anderson hooks a neckbreaker for two. Daniels tries something in the corner but gets caught in the rolling fireman's carry slam for two. Here's Kaz but AJ pulls him off the apron and knocks him to the back. Mic Check gets the pin at 5:45.
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff
This is a five minute challenge and the latest chapter in How many big stars can we put Garrett in the ring with in the hopes that someone cares about him because the guy has NO freaking talent but he's Eric Bischoff's son and since Eric Bischoff never learned from Erik Watts or Vince McMahon and doesn't get that most people's kids can't freaking wrestle he's putting his son out there with guys like Hogan and Angle when the kid can barely do anything beyond an armdrag but that's not his fault because really, would you say no to the spot story.
Angle dominates him and takes him to the mat with ease. He hooks a chinlock and then throws Garrett to the floor. Bischoff gets in some right hands but gets caught in a snap suplex on the floor. Angle suplexes him a lot as the clock starts to run out. Garrett escapes the Angle Slam and throws Kurt to the floor with thirty seconds to go. Angle hits the Slam with 2 seconds left but the time expires.
Angle puts him in the ankle lock until Jeff makes the save.
The Robs have nothing to say but there's another open challenge this Sunday.
We run down the card for Sunday and Sting vs. Roode is no holds barred.
James Storm vs. Gunner
They slug it out to start and Gunner goes to the eyes. Gunner takes over quickly and throws Storm to the floor for a bit. Back in and Gunner cranks on the neck as Ray tells Gunner to put his fist into Storm's head. Storm comes back with clotheslines and forearms followed by the Codebreaker (now dubbed Closing Time). Last Call ends this at 3:51.
Video on Roode vs. Sting and their match at Victory Road.
Both Sting and Roode are in the ring for the contract signing. Both sign and then Roode has something to say. He remembers becoming the world champion and every day since then, Sting has been a thorn in his side. Twenty two years ago Sting won his first world title and had everything going for him. Now Sting is jealous of Roode because he sees himself 22 years ago but even better. Sting is always around stealing the spotlight from the younger guys and why?
Sting isn't as young as he used to be and is getting older and slower. He wears face paint to hide what he sees because he knows he doesn't have it anymore. This is all Roode talking in case that wasn't clear. On Sunday, Roode is going to expose him for someone that should have left a long time ago.
Sting stands up and puts paint on his face but Roode says he's not afraid of it. Now Sting puts the paint on Roode's face and beats him up, destroying his knee in the process with kicks. He clotheslines Roode to the floor to end the show.
Results
Madison Rayne b. Velvet Sky Rollup with a handful of tights
Crimson b. Samoa Joe Spear
Gail Kim b. Mickie James Pin after a shot with the Knockouts Title Belt
Mr. Anderson b. Christopher Daniels Mic Check
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff went to a time limit draw
James Storm b. Gunner Last Call