klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We've got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we've got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it's the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let's get to it.
We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can't complain much about this.
They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.
Cena vs. Punk tonight.
Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler
For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there's seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?
Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who's counting?
Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There's the Elevated DDT and here's Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn't that quite a stretch?
Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it's a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?
Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio
Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it's back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it's off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.
Orton stares at Del Rio because there's no end to this feud in sight because that's how WWE works anymore.
Post break here's Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they're every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.
Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn't do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits....that they're just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.
I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That's the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren't even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.
A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena's phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN'T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.
Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.
Post break it's MORE CENA AND AJ! They're in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there's nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.
We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.
William Regal vs. Big Show
See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It's not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it's a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?
Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.
Kaitlyn vs. Layla
The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It's one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.
We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that's a bit much no?
Cole and JR are in the ring and here's the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn't sure what to say but he can't believe he's really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It's A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn't know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers....and here are Punk and Heyman.
Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he's glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death....again. It's ok to boo Punk but you can't get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that's in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It's all Lawler's fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn't let it go.
Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he's been champion. He's now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he's pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk's reign as champion is on life support.
Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It's time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it's more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn't giving this the ok the whole time, you're an idiot.
Punk played on the crowd's emotions and the people hate him even more now. That's called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that's because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples' emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it's almost like Punk is a villain and he's offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.
Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease? It's almost like it's SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there's one thing wrestling fans know, it's what they want.
Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn't fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack! Foley says we'll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.
Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he's back today. Let's summarize this quickly. Foley: You have no respect. Punk: I don't just off roofs. That takes a few minutes before we're told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don't bother saying Cena's name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!
Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we're out of options and Punk says to fix it.
Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico
Lawler is back on commentary officially. It's Titus vs. Justin to start with O'Neal taking over. There's the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here's Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.
Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it's off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can't type it all. It's down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.
The WWE still loves the troops!
Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.
Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it's only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph's real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.
The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.
R-Truth vs. Tensai
Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn't been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it's off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.
Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro's teeth into his esophagus.
We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.
Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn't look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.
We recap Maddox's explanation and Vince's announcement last week.
We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?
Brad Maddox vs. Ryback
If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There's an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: Hey my ride's here. What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad's head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he's dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.
We're STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.
David Otunga vs. Sheamus
Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there's juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.
Post match Sheamus says he'll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.
Bryan doesn't like that Kane is having another partner tonight.
Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???
Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.
The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it's off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it's chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.
More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.
John Cena vs. CM Punk
Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.
There's the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.
Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he's about to cry in the background.
Results
Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler Rollup
Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton Enziguri to Kingston
Big Show b. William Regal Chokeslam
Kaitlyn b. Layla Reverse DDT
Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico 450 to Young
R-Truth b. Tensai Little Jimmy
Ryback b. Brad Maddox Shell Shock
Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars Chokeslam to Rhodes
John Cena b. CM Punk Attitude Adjustment
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.9.
Cody Rhodes injured his shoulder at the Main Event taping. No word on how serious it is or if he's out for any significant amount of time.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: November 14, 2012
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Luftman
We have a world title match scheduled now and we have to get to that match, which may be tonight. They weren't really clear when the match would be going on but tonight would be a bit soon I'd think. Other than that we've got Vickie holding a bounty over Big E. Langston's head, which is good as he needs a story of some kind. I've been loving NXT for the last few weeks so hopefully it stays this good. Let's get to it.
Mahal is in the back to open the show and talks about how awesome he is. Bo Dallas is called a nobody and comes up to challenge Mahal to a fight. Dallas says since he's so easy to beat, put up the title shot. Mahal: Why would I do that? Dallas: Why not? Apparently it's on and the title match isn't tonight.
Ascension vs. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson
This would be a good place for Tatsu to remind people what he's capable of. Cameron and Watson start things off but it's quickly off to a now nearly bald O'Brien. Ascension does their very fast tagging with the quick striking offense ala Demolition. Conor puts on a hard headlock to keep Watson down even longer. Watson finally escapes and it's off to Tatsu vs. Cameron as things speed up. Ascension turns up the awesome and hits the Fall of Man (Total Elimination) for the pin on Tatsu at 2:54. Total squash and Ascension looked great.
Aksana and Layla have one of those stupid Divas moments in the back about Layla's hair looking bad.
Corey Graves vs. Oliver Gray
They fight over an arm hold to start as we hear about Gray being a former lumberjack. So he made his living filling in a spot around the ring for a match no one wanted to see? How do I get that job? Graves works on the knee as the fans cheer for him, despite him seeming to be a heel. JR gets Tony's name wrong (Tom) as Graves stays on the knee. Off to an Indian Deathlock by Graves as we go back to the 1970s. Graves hooks a cool looking rolling leg lock for the tap out at 4:13.
Video on Big E. Langston
Here's Langston for a special interview. SWEET this should be good. He talks about how he's worried about Vickie's bounty. Worried for the other people that is, because the E stands for their end. Langston has five reasons why he's awesome but Camacho jumps him from behind. He hits Langston once then holds up five fingers.
Layla vs. Aksana
A quick rollup gets two for the British chick (Layla) but Aksana MESSES WITH THE HAIR!!! Aksana puts her down and crawls along the apron for no apparent reason. A baseball slide puts Aksana on the floor and a few rollups get two each for Layla. Layla gets pulled off the middle rope and pounded on a bit and it's off to a triangle choke from Aksana. That goes nowhere so they get into a modified catfight. Aksana takes over and does the slow sexy crawl again which lets Layla make her comeback with clotheslines (arms to the chest according to Tony. He's trying at least) and a high kick for the pin for Layla at 5:21.
We go to a field with Bray Wyatt, talking about how he's a monster and he's never told us a lie. He's been around for centuries and has been worshiped by every civilization and if you want to find the sign of him, follow the buzzards in the sky. I have no idea what he's talking about, but the delivery is so awesome it's hard not to stop and watch him, which is what promos are supposed to be about.
Roman Reigns vs. Chase Donovan
Reigns throws him into the corner to start and hooks a cravate. JR calls Reigns the LeBron James of the WWE. That's a bit of a stretch I'd think but JR hasn't cared in years so why should I? A spinebuster puts Donovan down and it's off to a nerve hold. Reigns lets that go, roars a lot, and hits the belly to back slam for the pin at 2:41.
Reigns makes Byron Saxton announce him as the Thoroughbred Roman Reigns twice because he wasn't happy with just being announced as the winner.
Jinder Mahal vs. Bo Dallas
The winner gets the shot at Rollins. Feeling out process is won by Mahal and it's off to a top wristlock. Dallas hooks a headlock and they slow things down a lot. They're using the formula usually reserved for the long and big matches even though there isn't a ton of time left here. Dallas sends Mahal into the corner but misses a dropkick. Mahal's camel clutch doesn't work so Jinder hits the floor as we hit a break.
Back with Dallas hammering away in the corner but getting caught by a running knee in the face for two. Off to a double arm trap hold by Mahal which goes on for a good while until Dallas flips him over for two. Backslide gets two for Dallas so Mahal kicks him in the head a few times. A knee to the ribs gets two and Dallas is in trouble. Dallas gets knocked to the apron but he comes back with a kick to the head and a slingshot clothesline for two. Dallas misses a charge into the buckle and there's the camel clutch for the tap at 9:03 shown of 12:33.
Mahal attacks Dallas post match but Rollins makes the save to end the show.
Results
Ascension b. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson Fall of Man to Tatsu
Corey Graves b. Oliver Gray Rolling Leg Lock
Layla b. Aksana High Kick
Roman Reigns b. Chase Donovan Belly to Back Slam
Jinder Mahal b. Bo Dallas Camel Clutch
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: November 15, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Taz
We're past Turning Point now and the main stories are of course Aces and 8's being uninteresting and Hardy vs. Storm at Final Resolution. AJ can't have a world title shot until BFG 13 because of getting pinned in the three way. Tonight we start the build to the next PPV which in December I believe. Oh and this is taped because of the Thanksgiving holidays next week. Let's get to it.
We open with the still stupid voiceover which isn't as bad as WWE's but it's still stupid. The main matches from the PPV are recapped.
Here's Storm to open the show. He talks about how hard he's worked and it finally paid off with the world title shot....and here's Roode. He's got a pair of beer bottles with him as this feud is continuing for some reason that makes no sense. Roode says he's here to join in the celebration and not for a fight. He points out that Storm beat AJ and not Roode on Sunday, so Storm is yet again using Roode's success to move forward.
Roode talks about how Storm's family, including his little daughter, is going to look at Storm as a failure. The brawl is on and Roode bails. Storm says bring it on but Roode wants the title shot on the line. Cowboy says no, so Roode says he'll screw Storm's daughter when she's of age and the match is officially on. Dear goodness they're really going to do this aren't they?
Hogan says he feels bad for AJ for not getting a title shot.
We recap the attack on Sting last week.
Aces and 8's tell Doc he has to earn his spot back again. He has to hand in his vest for the moment. D-Von throws a dart at the new target for tonight.
X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kid Kash
Van Dam is defending of course. Kash jumps him as he comes into the ring and they start fast. This would have been way better in ECW but it's over eleven years since that company closed and Kash is still a Kid somehow. They ram into each other a few times before Kash ranas RVD to the floor. Tenay says Kash is also an MMA fighter which would be hilarious to see. Kash dives onto the floor onto Van Dam which doesn't look bad.
Back in and Kash hits a clothesline out of the corner but misses a moonsault. Rob kicks him down and hits Rolling thunder for two as Tenay talks about Rob being a three time world champion, talking about the ECW Title, the WWE Title and the TNA world title. You know, because that ECW Title was the same as the WWE Title and all that jazz. Monkey Flip sets up the Five Star to retain at 4:08.
Eric and ODB talk about fishing and kiss some more. End this already.
Angle needs a tag partner against Aces and 8's and he picks......Garrett Bischoff. Well the other option was Wes Brisco so this isn't a huge loss.
Jesse Godderz vs. Eric Young
Yep, it's still going. Eric does the stupid lock up with the referee and gets jumped from behind as Jesse takes over. This continues to go very slowly as Jesse only has minor skills in the ring at the moment. I can live with him going all slow and everything though as that's what heels usually do. Eric makes a quick comeback but gets caught in an abdominal stretch to stop it cold. Eric Hulks Up and strips down as the girls get in another fight. A powerslam puts Jesse down for two but Eric gets shoved into the barricade to stop him again. Back in and Jesse hits a bicep pose Stunner for the pin at 5:04.
We recap Park vs. Doc on Sunday where Park snapped into Abyss for a few moments before getting beaten down again and losing.
Park asks Hogan for one more shot but Hogan can't put him in the ring again because Park isn't a wrestler. Park says he'll become a wrestler by going to a wrestling camp. I'm intrigued.
TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Joe has beaten him what, three times in a row now? Oh wait never mind as Aces and 8's jump Magnus, who is apparently the target for tonight. Doc hits Magnus in the leg with the hammer. D-Von gets a bat but Bully Ray makes the save.
We recap the ladder match from Sunday. Aries shows off the welts on his back and goes to get a massage. He's not done with Jeff Hardy either. Aries goes in to get his massage but finds Hardy. He rants about Hardy having an advantage or something and leaves with no massage. Hardy responds with an inner monologue. This is still freaking stupid. I get how it can work on taped shows, but how is this supposed to work when the show is live?
Kurt Angle/Garrett Bischoff vs. Aces and 8's
No members listed here so we'll call them #1 and #2. Oh wait one is D-Von so we'll call them D-Von and Potato. After a brawl we get down to D-Von vs. Angle with Potato coming in quickly thereafter. Angle is like I CAN BAKE YOU WITH CHIVES AND SOUR CREAM but now it's off to Garrett and things get a lot worse all of a sudden. Garrett grabs the arm and it's back to Kurt, thank goodness.
D-Von comes in as well and pounds away as this is going nowhere so far. Off to Potato again for the mashed facelock. Angle snaps off a German and gives D-Von one as well. Everything breaks down and Doc brings in the hammer. Wes Brisco comes in with a pipe for the save and Angle low blows Potato for the pin at 4:40.
Tara and Jesse go in to see Brooke but finds her with Ray, who leaves awkwardly. Tara complains about various things and Brooke blows her off. I have no idea why Brooke is here at all.
Dixie doesn't know why AJ is so off.
Knockouts Battle Royal
Gail Kim, Mickie James, Madison Rayne, ODB, Miss Tessmacher
This is Mickie's big return so who do you think is winning here? Yep, we have five people in a battle royal and that's it. This is your standard battle royal start with no one being eliminated in the early going. Gail and Madison work together and beat on Tess and ODB but Tessmacher comes back to beat on them both with ease. And never mind as the evil chicks eliminate her together. ODB and Mickie hit stereo Thesz Presses on the evil ones and ODB has a shot from the flask.
Both evil ones get slammed into ODB's crotch as ODB sits on the top. Madison poses a bit on the apron and gets flask contents spat into her face for the elimination. Gail throws out ODB and we're down to one on one. A clothesline in the corner has Mickie in trouble but she comes out with a rana to send Kim to the floor for the title shot at 5:30.
James Storm is ready. AJ comes up and glares at him.
Doc gets thrown out of Aces and 8's. Oh never mind no he doesn't because they're just messing with him. Riveting stuff here. They do know he's Luke Freaking Gallows right? That's who they're wasting this much time and effort on?
We recap the triple threat match from Sunday.
Here's AJ to address his loss. He talks about how bad his year has gone and we recap the Claire Lynch storyline. The thing that bothers him more than anything else is that people doubted him. He doesn't like getting so close to the main event of BFG and coming up just short. This brings out Kaz and Daniels.
Oh COME ON. I know the matches are going to be good, but is there NO ONE else on the roster these people can fight? I'm just saying BRANCH OUT already. They say it's AJ's fault and there's going to be ONE MORE MATCH between AJ and Daniels. Is anyone shocked by this? Really? This somehow takes almost five minutes to get through once they come out.
Aries talks about non-verbal communication which he's used to make things happen. Ok then.
Angle pitches the idea of Wes Brisco being on Gut Check next week and apparently it's going to happen.
Bobby Roode vs. James Storm
The winner gets the title shot at Final Resolution. The match has a sponsor which I've seen before but not in years. Storm pounds him into the corner to start and clotheslines Roode down. That's not a good sign as the guy who often starts fast winds up losing. Roode gets in a shot and takes down the buckle pad like a good evil man. We take a break and come back with Roode in control and working on the arm.
Off to a top wristlock on Storm followed by a whip into the corner for two. Back to the wristlock as Storm is in trouble. They slug it out and Storm hits a Russian legsweep for two. An enziguri puts Roode down again and the Cowboy goes up, only to get crotched almost immediately. Roode's superplex is countered into a sunset bomb for two as things slow down a bit.
The Eye of the Storm is countered into the spinebuster and the Crossface on the bad arm. Roode can't quite get it on full and Storm gets a rope. We'll call that .5 Benoit or so. Backstabber puts Roode down as does a Codebreaker, but the Last Call misses. Roode throws him into the buckle and gets a rollup with trunks to get the title shot at 8:27 shown of 11:57.
Roode celebrates a lot to end the show.
Results
Rob Van Dam b. Kid Kash Five Star Frog Splash
Jesse Godderz b. Eric Young Stunner
Kurt Angle/Garrett Bischoff b. Aces and 8's Rollup to Masked Man
Mickie James won a battle royal last eliminating Gail Kim
Bobby Roode b. James Storm Rollup with a handful of trunks
Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
We've got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we've got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it's the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let's get to it.
We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can't complain much about this.
They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.
Cena vs. Punk tonight.
Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler
For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there's seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?
Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who's counting?
Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There's the Elevated DDT and here's Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn't that quite a stretch?
Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it's a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?
Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio
Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it's back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it's off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.
Orton stares at Del Rio because there's no end to this feud in sight because that's how WWE works anymore.
Post break here's Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they're every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.
Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn't do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits....that they're just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.
I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That's the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren't even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.
A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena's phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN'T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.
Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.
Post break it's MORE CENA AND AJ! They're in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there's nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.
We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.
William Regal vs. Big Show
See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It's not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it's a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?
Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.
Kaitlyn vs. Layla
The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It's one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.
We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that's a bit much no?
Cole and JR are in the ring and here's the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn't sure what to say but he can't believe he's really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It's A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn't know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers....and here are Punk and Heyman.
Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he's glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death....again. It's ok to boo Punk but you can't get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that's in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It's all Lawler's fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn't let it go.
Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he's been champion. He's now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he's pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk's reign as champion is on life support.
Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It's time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it's more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn't giving this the ok the whole time, you're an idiot.
Punk played on the crowd's emotions and the people hate him even more now. That's called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that's because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples' emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it's almost like Punk is a villain and he's offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.
Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease? It's almost like it's SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there's one thing wrestling fans know, it's what they want.
Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn't fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack! Foley says we'll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.
Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he's back today. Let's summarize this quickly. Foley: You have no respect. Punk: I don't just off roofs. That takes a few minutes before we're told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don't bother saying Cena's name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!
Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we're out of options and Punk says to fix it.
Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico
Lawler is back on commentary officially. It's Titus vs. Justin to start with O'Neal taking over. There's the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here's Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.
Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it's off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can't type it all. It's down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.
The WWE still loves the troops!
Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.
Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it's only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph's real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.
The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.
R-Truth vs. Tensai
Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn't been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it's off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.
Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro's teeth into his esophagus.
We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.
Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn't look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.
We recap Maddox's explanation and Vince's announcement last week.
We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?
Brad Maddox vs. Ryback
If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There's an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: Hey my ride's here. What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad's head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he's dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.
We're STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.
David Otunga vs. Sheamus
Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there's juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.
Post match Sheamus says he'll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.
Bryan doesn't like that Kane is having another partner tonight.
Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???
Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.
The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it's off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it's chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.
More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.
John Cena vs. CM Punk
Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.
There's the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.
Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he's about to cry in the background.
Results
Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler Rollup
Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton Enziguri to Kingston
Big Show b. William Regal Chokeslam
Kaitlyn b. Layla Reverse DDT
Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico 450 to Young
R-Truth b. Tensai Little Jimmy
Ryback b. Brad Maddox Shell Shock
Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars Chokeslam to Rhodes
John Cena b. CM Punk Attitude Adjustment
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.9.
Cody Rhodes injured his shoulder at the Main Event taping. No word on how serious it is or if he's out for any significant amount of time.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: November 14, 2012
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Luftman
We have a world title match scheduled now and we have to get to that match, which may be tonight. They weren't really clear when the match would be going on but tonight would be a bit soon I'd think. Other than that we've got Vickie holding a bounty over Big E. Langston's head, which is good as he needs a story of some kind. I've been loving NXT for the last few weeks so hopefully it stays this good. Let's get to it.
Mahal is in the back to open the show and talks about how awesome he is. Bo Dallas is called a nobody and comes up to challenge Mahal to a fight. Dallas says since he's so easy to beat, put up the title shot. Mahal: Why would I do that? Dallas: Why not? Apparently it's on and the title match isn't tonight.
Ascension vs. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson
This would be a good place for Tatsu to remind people what he's capable of. Cameron and Watson start things off but it's quickly off to a now nearly bald O'Brien. Ascension does their very fast tagging with the quick striking offense ala Demolition. Conor puts on a hard headlock to keep Watson down even longer. Watson finally escapes and it's off to Tatsu vs. Cameron as things speed up. Ascension turns up the awesome and hits the Fall of Man (Total Elimination) for the pin on Tatsu at 2:54. Total squash and Ascension looked great.
Aksana and Layla have one of those stupid Divas moments in the back about Layla's hair looking bad.
Corey Graves vs. Oliver Gray
They fight over an arm hold to start as we hear about Gray being a former lumberjack. So he made his living filling in a spot around the ring for a match no one wanted to see? How do I get that job? Graves works on the knee as the fans cheer for him, despite him seeming to be a heel. JR gets Tony's name wrong (Tom) as Graves stays on the knee. Off to an Indian Deathlock by Graves as we go back to the 1970s. Graves hooks a cool looking rolling leg lock for the tap out at 4:13.
Video on Big E. Langston
Here's Langston for a special interview. SWEET this should be good. He talks about how he's worried about Vickie's bounty. Worried for the other people that is, because the E stands for their end. Langston has five reasons why he's awesome but Camacho jumps him from behind. He hits Langston once then holds up five fingers.
Layla vs. Aksana
A quick rollup gets two for the British chick (Layla) but Aksana MESSES WITH THE HAIR!!! Aksana puts her down and crawls along the apron for no apparent reason. A baseball slide puts Aksana on the floor and a few rollups get two each for Layla. Layla gets pulled off the middle rope and pounded on a bit and it's off to a triangle choke from Aksana. That goes nowhere so they get into a modified catfight. Aksana takes over and does the slow sexy crawl again which lets Layla make her comeback with clotheslines (arms to the chest according to Tony. He's trying at least) and a high kick for the pin for Layla at 5:21.
We go to a field with Bray Wyatt, talking about how he's a monster and he's never told us a lie. He's been around for centuries and has been worshiped by every civilization and if you want to find the sign of him, follow the buzzards in the sky. I have no idea what he's talking about, but the delivery is so awesome it's hard not to stop and watch him, which is what promos are supposed to be about.
Roman Reigns vs. Chase Donovan
Reigns throws him into the corner to start and hooks a cravate. JR calls Reigns the LeBron James of the WWE. That's a bit of a stretch I'd think but JR hasn't cared in years so why should I? A spinebuster puts Donovan down and it's off to a nerve hold. Reigns lets that go, roars a lot, and hits the belly to back slam for the pin at 2:41.
Reigns makes Byron Saxton announce him as the Thoroughbred Roman Reigns twice because he wasn't happy with just being announced as the winner.
Jinder Mahal vs. Bo Dallas
The winner gets the shot at Rollins. Feeling out process is won by Mahal and it's off to a top wristlock. Dallas hooks a headlock and they slow things down a lot. They're using the formula usually reserved for the long and big matches even though there isn't a ton of time left here. Dallas sends Mahal into the corner but misses a dropkick. Mahal's camel clutch doesn't work so Jinder hits the floor as we hit a break.
Back with Dallas hammering away in the corner but getting caught by a running knee in the face for two. Off to a double arm trap hold by Mahal which goes on for a good while until Dallas flips him over for two. Backslide gets two for Dallas so Mahal kicks him in the head a few times. A knee to the ribs gets two and Dallas is in trouble. Dallas gets knocked to the apron but he comes back with a kick to the head and a slingshot clothesline for two. Dallas misses a charge into the buckle and there's the camel clutch for the tap at 9:03 shown of 12:33.
Mahal attacks Dallas post match but Rollins makes the save to end the show.
Results
Ascension b. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson Fall of Man to Tatsu
Corey Graves b. Oliver Gray Rolling Leg Lock
Layla b. Aksana High Kick
Roman Reigns b. Chase Donovan Belly to Back Slam
Jinder Mahal b. Bo Dallas Camel Clutch
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: November 15, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Taz
We're past Turning Point now and the main stories are of course Aces and 8's being uninteresting and Hardy vs. Storm at Final Resolution. AJ can't have a world title shot until BFG 13 because of getting pinned in the three way. Tonight we start the build to the next PPV which in December I believe. Oh and this is taped because of the Thanksgiving holidays next week. Let's get to it.
We open with the still stupid voiceover which isn't as bad as WWE's but it's still stupid. The main matches from the PPV are recapped.
Here's Storm to open the show. He talks about how hard he's worked and it finally paid off with the world title shot....and here's Roode. He's got a pair of beer bottles with him as this feud is continuing for some reason that makes no sense. Roode says he's here to join in the celebration and not for a fight. He points out that Storm beat AJ and not Roode on Sunday, so Storm is yet again using Roode's success to move forward.
Roode talks about how Storm's family, including his little daughter, is going to look at Storm as a failure. The brawl is on and Roode bails. Storm says bring it on but Roode wants the title shot on the line. Cowboy says no, so Roode says he'll screw Storm's daughter when she's of age and the match is officially on. Dear goodness they're really going to do this aren't they?
Hogan says he feels bad for AJ for not getting a title shot.
We recap the attack on Sting last week.
Aces and 8's tell Doc he has to earn his spot back again. He has to hand in his vest for the moment. D-Von throws a dart at the new target for tonight.
X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kid Kash
Van Dam is defending of course. Kash jumps him as he comes into the ring and they start fast. This would have been way better in ECW but it's over eleven years since that company closed and Kash is still a Kid somehow. They ram into each other a few times before Kash ranas RVD to the floor. Tenay says Kash is also an MMA fighter which would be hilarious to see. Kash dives onto the floor onto Van Dam which doesn't look bad.
Back in and Kash hits a clothesline out of the corner but misses a moonsault. Rob kicks him down and hits Rolling thunder for two as Tenay talks about Rob being a three time world champion, talking about the ECW Title, the WWE Title and the TNA world title. You know, because that ECW Title was the same as the WWE Title and all that jazz. Monkey Flip sets up the Five Star to retain at 4:08.
Eric and ODB talk about fishing and kiss some more. End this already.
Angle needs a tag partner against Aces and 8's and he picks......Garrett Bischoff. Well the other option was Wes Brisco so this isn't a huge loss.
Jesse Godderz vs. Eric Young
Yep, it's still going. Eric does the stupid lock up with the referee and gets jumped from behind as Jesse takes over. This continues to go very slowly as Jesse only has minor skills in the ring at the moment. I can live with him going all slow and everything though as that's what heels usually do. Eric makes a quick comeback but gets caught in an abdominal stretch to stop it cold. Eric Hulks Up and strips down as the girls get in another fight. A powerslam puts Jesse down for two but Eric gets shoved into the barricade to stop him again. Back in and Jesse hits a bicep pose Stunner for the pin at 5:04.
We recap Park vs. Doc on Sunday where Park snapped into Abyss for a few moments before getting beaten down again and losing.
Park asks Hogan for one more shot but Hogan can't put him in the ring again because Park isn't a wrestler. Park says he'll become a wrestler by going to a wrestling camp. I'm intrigued.
TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Joe has beaten him what, three times in a row now? Oh wait never mind as Aces and 8's jump Magnus, who is apparently the target for tonight. Doc hits Magnus in the leg with the hammer. D-Von gets a bat but Bully Ray makes the save.
We recap the ladder match from Sunday. Aries shows off the welts on his back and goes to get a massage. He's not done with Jeff Hardy either. Aries goes in to get his massage but finds Hardy. He rants about Hardy having an advantage or something and leaves with no massage. Hardy responds with an inner monologue. This is still freaking stupid. I get how it can work on taped shows, but how is this supposed to work when the show is live?
Kurt Angle/Garrett Bischoff vs. Aces and 8's
No members listed here so we'll call them #1 and #2. Oh wait one is D-Von so we'll call them D-Von and Potato. After a brawl we get down to D-Von vs. Angle with Potato coming in quickly thereafter. Angle is like I CAN BAKE YOU WITH CHIVES AND SOUR CREAM but now it's off to Garrett and things get a lot worse all of a sudden. Garrett grabs the arm and it's back to Kurt, thank goodness.
D-Von comes in as well and pounds away as this is going nowhere so far. Off to Potato again for the mashed facelock. Angle snaps off a German and gives D-Von one as well. Everything breaks down and Doc brings in the hammer. Wes Brisco comes in with a pipe for the save and Angle low blows Potato for the pin at 4:40.
Tara and Jesse go in to see Brooke but finds her with Ray, who leaves awkwardly. Tara complains about various things and Brooke blows her off. I have no idea why Brooke is here at all.
Dixie doesn't know why AJ is so off.
Knockouts Battle Royal
Gail Kim, Mickie James, Madison Rayne, ODB, Miss Tessmacher
This is Mickie's big return so who do you think is winning here? Yep, we have five people in a battle royal and that's it. This is your standard battle royal start with no one being eliminated in the early going. Gail and Madison work together and beat on Tess and ODB but Tessmacher comes back to beat on them both with ease. And never mind as the evil chicks eliminate her together. ODB and Mickie hit stereo Thesz Presses on the evil ones and ODB has a shot from the flask.
Both evil ones get slammed into ODB's crotch as ODB sits on the top. Madison poses a bit on the apron and gets flask contents spat into her face for the elimination. Gail throws out ODB and we're down to one on one. A clothesline in the corner has Mickie in trouble but she comes out with a rana to send Kim to the floor for the title shot at 5:30.
James Storm is ready. AJ comes up and glares at him.
Doc gets thrown out of Aces and 8's. Oh never mind no he doesn't because they're just messing with him. Riveting stuff here. They do know he's Luke Freaking Gallows right? That's who they're wasting this much time and effort on?
We recap the triple threat match from Sunday.
Here's AJ to address his loss. He talks about how bad his year has gone and we recap the Claire Lynch storyline. The thing that bothers him more than anything else is that people doubted him. He doesn't like getting so close to the main event of BFG and coming up just short. This brings out Kaz and Daniels.
Oh COME ON. I know the matches are going to be good, but is there NO ONE else on the roster these people can fight? I'm just saying BRANCH OUT already. They say it's AJ's fault and there's going to be ONE MORE MATCH between AJ and Daniels. Is anyone shocked by this? Really? This somehow takes almost five minutes to get through once they come out.
Aries talks about non-verbal communication which he's used to make things happen. Ok then.
Angle pitches the idea of Wes Brisco being on Gut Check next week and apparently it's going to happen.
Bobby Roode vs. James Storm
The winner gets the title shot at Final Resolution. The match has a sponsor which I've seen before but not in years. Storm pounds him into the corner to start and clotheslines Roode down. That's not a good sign as the guy who often starts fast winds up losing. Roode gets in a shot and takes down the buckle pad like a good evil man. We take a break and come back with Roode in control and working on the arm.
Off to a top wristlock on Storm followed by a whip into the corner for two. Back to the wristlock as Storm is in trouble. They slug it out and Storm hits a Russian legsweep for two. An enziguri puts Roode down again and the Cowboy goes up, only to get crotched almost immediately. Roode's superplex is countered into a sunset bomb for two as things slow down a bit.
The Eye of the Storm is countered into the spinebuster and the Crossface on the bad arm. Roode can't quite get it on full and Storm gets a rope. We'll call that .5 Benoit or so. Backstabber puts Roode down as does a Codebreaker, but the Last Call misses. Roode throws him into the buckle and gets a rollup with trunks to get the title shot at 8:27 shown of 11:57.
Roode celebrates a lot to end the show.
Results
Rob Van Dam b. Kid Kash Five Star Frog Splash
Jesse Godderz b. Eric Young Stunner
Kurt Angle/Garrett Bischoff b. Aces and 8's Rollup to Masked Man
Mickie James won a battle royal last eliminating Gail Kim
Bobby Roode b. James Storm Rollup with a handful of trunks