klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 1.8, down again.
The WWE Network launch date is possibly being pushed back to the fall. Granted, the April date was never officially announced so it's not changing their minds officially. This is just a rumor at this point.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 9, 2012
Location: American Bank Center Arena, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's the week after HE IS HERE and Chris Jericho is back. That being said, I don't know what to expect from him. Maybe he'll actually say something this time? Either way, things almost have to be better than they were last week. We're getting close to Rumble time too which is always interesting. Let's get to it.
After a video of the ending of last week's show, here's Kane to open the show. He says people are wondering why he's embracing hate, and it's because the people are in denial. Everyone gets up next to a spouse they can't stand and go to a job they hate and go home to children who are brats. Everyone has delusions of hope like Cena himself does.
Cena represents hope and success. The people should see Cena as unfulfilled hopes and dreams. The people are all liars when they cheer for Cena because they think cheering for an underdog makes them good. Look at Zack Ryder for example: The people made him a star because he's an underdog. Last week Kane tried to drag Ryder to the depths but Cena stopped him. That just delayed the inevitable though, because Kane wants consequences.
Cue Cena and it's a brawl immediately. A clothesline puts Kane outside and they brawl up the aisle. They fight into the back and they're outside. They're over a kind of pit which looks to be a few feet deep but you can see the bottom. There's a production truck and Cena is knocked into some metal stuff next to it. He hits Kane in the leg with a pipe but is knocked into some boxes. He gets up and Kane is gone as we go to a break.
Sheamus/Santino Marella vs. Jinder Mahal/Wade Barrett
All four are officially in the Rumble. The non-main event guys start us off as Cole tries to explain to us what the turban is for because he's a man of the world or something. Off to the Englishman who beats up the Canditalian who is waiting on the tag to the Irishman so he can hopefully beat up the Indian that he's mad at. There's the tag and Sheamus cleans house. Brogue Kick to Mahal and the Cobra gets the pin at 2:52. This was nothing, and Mahal continues to look like nothing compared to Sheamus.
Miz complains to Ace and Otunga about the Truth attacks lately. Brodus is debuting tonight apparently. Miz wants private security but Ace says he's Big Johnny, not Little Jimmy. There's a bad porn title in there somewhere.
We get a Hall of Fame inductee announced tonight.
The first inductee is.......Edge. We get a video about his career. There's going to be a second inductee tonight as well. Cool.
Miz is trying to get a bodyguard in the form of Mason Ryan but he gets turned down.
Ryder is on the phone with his dad, talking about how afraid he is of Kane. Eve pops up and he says he'll beat Kane up later. He's off the phone and asks Eve for another date. She actually says yes but it's after her match later. Both of them leave separately and a door opens behind Ryder. Kane pokes his head in and then goes back out as we go to a break.
Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan
Well this is a surprise. This was set up via a video on WWE.com where Kofi questioned Bryan's methods of winning the world title. I hope they showed that to the live crowd. Bryan's weight is up to 210lbs so maybe they're back to faking weights. Kofi hits a springboard cross body for a fast two but Bryan rolls him up for the same. This is non-title if I didn't mention that. Bryan does his corner moonsault so Kofi comes out of the corner with a cross body. In a SLICK counter, Bryan lands in the LeBell Lock and we're done at 1:14.
Bryan does the big celebration again post match. And here's Big Show. He gets in the ring and Bryan begs off, saying he hated the ending to the title match. The title is too important to end like that. He offers Show a title match anytime he wants. Show says Teddy agrees as well, so there's going to be a title match on Friday, no DQ and no count-outs. Oh dear. They shake hands and Show leaves.
Royal Rumble Moment is the end of 1994 with the double winners.
Justin Roberts introduces Brodus Clay as being from the Planet Funk and being the Funk-o-Saurus. He has dancers and is coming out to ERNEST MILLER'S WWE music. WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I WATCHING??? He's DANCING! I swear I'm not making this up. He's in a red track suit and has a red hat on.
Brodus Clay vs. Curt Hawkins
Total squash and he dances a lot. A cross body ends this in 65 seconds. This is BIZARRE.
Zack Ryder is brushing his teeth and looking in a mirror. He keeps thinking someone is watching him and leavesl.
Miz tries to get Rosa and Epico/Primo to protect him. They say no and leave but Punk pops up to NO reaction.
They go to a break here and thank goodness. I need a minute after what I just saw with Brodus.
Jack Swagger vs. CM Punk
Ace comes out and says that if Punk wins, Swagger and Vickie are barred from ringside at the Rumble. Ziggler tonight has to fight Cena to keep things fair. Feeling out process to start with Punk working a headlock but Swagger taking it to the mat. Punk goes up for the elbow so Jack hits the floor. Swagger takes over with his size advantage and hooks a quickly countered ankle lock. Off to a double chicken wing kind of hold and then a waistlock. Swagger is knocked to the floor and a suicide dive takes him out as we go to a break.
Back with Punk starting his comeback. He fires off some strikes and hits the knee in the corner but the bulldog is thrown off and the Vader Bomb gets two. Another attempt at a Bomb is countered but Swagger takes over again quickly. He loads up a superplex but Punk shoves him off for a top rope elbow....for the pin? I thought he kicked out but apparently not as Punk gets the pin at 13:57.
Replay shows that it was a bad call and Cole freaks.
We see the ending of the Cena vs. Kane fight earlier.
Cena and Ryder are in the back talking and Ryder thanks Cena for everything he's done for him.
The Bellas are talking in the back when Ricardo pops up. They brought him all the way from Mexico to give Del Rio a message. Miz interrupts them and says Ricardo is going to draw out R-Truth by insulting him. Ricardo says no but Miz threatens him.
The second HOF inductee: It's still not Savage, but it's THE FOUR HORSEMEN!!!
Here's Ricardo to insult Truth but he's very nervous to do so. He says that Truth's breath smells like a rotten burrito and that's enough to draw Truth out. Truth doesn't know why Ricardo would want to pick a fight with him. Even Little Jimmy thinks he's a good R-Truth now. He asks Little Jimmy if he should let Ricardo go. Apparently Jimmy doesn't like Ricardo so Truth should turn Ricardo into a human pinata.
Ricardo freaks out so Truth asks for a song. La Cucaracha in fact. Ricardo gets WAY into this and even says this is a remix halfway though. Truth asks him to do it again and Ricardo knocks the mic out of his hand. Ricardo takes a Little Jimmy and here's Miz for the beatdown.
Jericho time. He gets an entrance from Roberts and does the same entrance that he did last week. He's doing the same thing he did last week with the whole running around the ring. No mic that I can see. Oh now he has one and the music ends. He poses on the corner and hasn't talked yet. The mic is to his chest....(this is high drama stuff people) and he looks like he's about to cry. He takes a minute to compose himself.....and is now crying. The music comes on and he walks out, still not saying anything.
Another Rumble Moment: 98, Austin wins.
Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix
Eve has new music I think. It's 10:51 before Beth comes out so they're going to have to blaze through this. And never mind because here's Kane. Since women in wrestling are idiots, Eve gets out of the ring and STANDS THERE. Ryder runs out to save her and they run off to the side of the tron. No match.
We cut to the back and Ryder throws her into a car. The tire is flat though, so Ryder CHANGES THE TIRE. We take a break as Pep Boy #4 keeps at it.
Ryder defends against Swagger next week.
Ryder is still changing the tire when we get back. Call AAA dude. I'm sure they have some luchadores that could help you.
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler
No entrance for Dolph and the bell rings at 10:59. Ziggler starts fast and hits a quick Fameasser for two. Off to a chinlock and Ziggler does a headstand while holding it. Cole: “You couldn't do that King.” Lawler: “Why would I want to?” Good question. Ziggler drops some elbows and does the situps. Cena starts his comeback and we cut to the back where Ryder is STILL changing the tire.
Kane finally comes to attack him and Ziggler throws on a sleeper. We cut to the back again and Kane chokeslams him into the pit I mentioned at the beginning of the show. Ziggler puts on another sleeper but Cena hits an AA to escape. He goes to the back and I guess the match is thrown out at about 5:00. I'm not going to rate it due to the match just being a placeholder for the angle. It was nothing of note anyway.
Cena gets out there and Kane jumps him. He smothers Cena down again and Ryder is just laying on the wooden pallet he was chokeslammed onto. Cena is left laying too. Kane stands very tall to end the show.
Results
Sheamus/Santino Marella b. Wade Barrett/Jinder Mahal – Cobra to Mahal
Daniel Bryan b. Kofi Kingston – LeBell Lock
Brodus Clay b. Curt Hawkins – Cross Body
CM Punk b. Jack Swagger – Top Rope Elbow Drop
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.9, probably due to the BCS Title game.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: January 11, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: William Regal, Matt Striker
It's episode 99, and somehow that's not just of this season. This is only episode 45 of this one. You would think they would be good and redeemed by this point but I guess not. Titus should be back this week and next week it's off to the Meadows for the wedding between Maxine and Curtis. Let's get to it.
There's a new intro, which looks like any other WWE TV show intro. Well at least they're admitting it now.
Striker says next week is the 100th episode from Vegas. He brings back another former member of NXT: Alicia Fox. Oh because she used to be a Pro. Apparently it's impressive that she's on Raw and Smackdown now, which is what got her a position as a Pro in the first place. The hooded fur thing looks stupid but that's “fashion” I guess. Maxine was her rookie and Alicia says she tried to sell her on Ebay but it didn't work.
Cue Maxine who says this is her ring and show now. Alicia is a waste of space and they get into an argument. Striker tries to calm them down and Maxine says shove it Striker. Alicia tries to be nice and asks how...or I mean who, are you doing? Brawl starts and we get a referee for a match.
Alicia Fox vs. Maxine
Regal asks an interesting question: how did Striker get all this power? Alicia tries to do the splits but Maxine drops a knee onto her to take over. There's no fascinating fact about Maxine this week because all she would talk about was the wedding. As for the match, it's your usual Divas match. Maxine beats on her for awhile but as she tries an O'Connor Roll, Alicia rolls through it for the pin at 2:10. Nothing else to say here.
Trent Barreta vs. Tyler Reks
Reks pounds him away to start. They're playing up Barreta as a prankster or something like that. Trent takes it to the floor and hits a big dive. Reks has a bad ankle now. And never mind as he kicks Trent's head off and was playing possum. A Downward Spiral into the middle buckle gets two and it's off to the chinlock. They're using the camera angle that was used in Season One, which is practically eye level with the top rope.
Trent gets two feet up in the corner as the announcers talk about star quality, which Reks says, so says Regal. Trent misses something off the top and Reks puts him in a torture rack. When you're channeling Lex Luger, there might be something wrong with you. Either way, Barreta rolls through it and gets a backslide, yes a backslide I say, for the pin at 4:20.
Reks yells at the announcers as Hawkins pounds Trent down. Yoshi comes in for the save.
Gabriel and Bateman are in the back and Gabriel mentions the e-mail that broke up Maxine and Bateman. Derrick has no idea what's going on and says he never sent it, even pulling out his phone. Now they're stealing ideas from Raw? Gabriel suggests that Bateman's e-mail was hacked. He freaks, shouts CURTIS and walks off.
Usos vs. Tyson Kidd/JTG
Great. It's JTG. No Tamina here. Kidd vs. let's say Jey to start. The twins double team him and a double back elbow gets two. Off to JTG as the Samoan hits a European Uppercut to the American. The crowd is dead for this. When a Siva Tao can't fire them up, the show is pretty bad. Kidd is in and there's some cheating with Jey getting beaten down. Off to the chinlock which Jey breaks pretty quickly. Double tag off to JTG and Jimmy and the corner hip smash gets two. Kidd hits a suicide dive to take Jey out but Jimmy hits a superkick for the pin at 4:16.
Raw ReBound.
Aksana and Maxine are in the back and Maxine freaks out. Aksana offers any help she can give with the wedding. Bateman comes up and they get in a mini argument. She says she and Curtis are going to the top.
Rumble 94 is the moment this week.
Alex Riley vs. Johnny Curtis
I love Riley's music. Curtis however couldn't be more generic if his life depended on it. Striker makes marriage jokes and the fans seem to be into Riley. Riley sends him to the floor where he gets a kiss from Maxine. And scratch that as Curtis takes him down and hooks a chinlock. Regal won't be bringing a gift to the wedding. Riley gets in a boot but Maxine distracts him, allowing something like a falcon's arrow brainbuster ends Riley at 2:04.
Bateman comes out and says next week, this ends. OH PLEASE LET HIM BE TELLING THE TRUTH!!!
Here's Darren Young and we get a recap of their feud. After he says he's better than Titus he calls the big bald one out. Titus goes off on Young and partially on the idea of the show, saying Striker has given up on the challenges and he doesn't care about the points. There's no Watson, no JTG and no Tamina here, so let's deal with this right now, one on one. Young says he's beaten him more times than he can count and he's won all the matches.
Actually from what I can find they've had 7 one-on-one matches and Titus leads 5-2. Young yells at Titus and Titus says watch it. Darren insults Titus' kids a few times and it's on. Striker breaks it apart and says next week, those two in a No DQ match. That would be better if it hadn't already happened back in May with Titus winning but whatever. The brawl end the show.
Results
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Rollup
Trent Barreta b. Tyler Reks – Backslide
Usuo b. JTG/Tyson Kidd – Superkick to JTG
Johnny Curtis b. Alex Riley – Sitout brainbuster
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: January 12, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's after Genesis now so it basically means a new day for TNA. Roode is still champion, Angle tied up the series with Storm, no titles changed, and basically the whole show didn't change anything. Against All Odds is next and we have probably even more rematches to look forward to. Anyway, hopefully things are a little more interesting in the next few weeks. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Genesis where Roode kept the title via getting himself disqualified.
Here's Roode who says he's the most dominant champion ever and that he's beaten everyone put in front of him. He wants Hardy to come out and shake his hand but gets Sting instead. Sting talks to Roode like he's an idiot and says he wants to beat him up. It results in Hardy vs. Roode tonight.
Earlier today, Morgan got here and ran into Crimson. Crimson says he got a Direct Auto Insurance policy. Are you kidding me? They have a match tonight too against the Robs.
Robbie E/Robbie T vs. Crimson/Matt Morgan
Non-title here. Crimson starts off with E so it's off to T quickly. And then T runs him over and it's back to E. Crimson and Morgan take turns destroying him. Carbon Footprint takes down T and a double spinebuster ends this in 1:58. Total squash.
Joe and Magnus run out and jump the champs post match.
Eric is here.
We recap Garrett vs. his pappy and Gunner.
Cue Eric to the arena. Eric talks about how it's not that easy to be a wrestler. You have to have talent to go with the chance. Eric may have made everything he's done look easy, but it doesn't work that way. Garrett comes out and says he's not quitting because his dad says so. He lists off the top guys that he's learning from and says he's going to stick with this. Garrett says he isn't going to quit and that he has a new trainer who is going to shock Eric. Garrett goes to leave but Eric stops him. The sonny grabs him by the neck and says never touch him again.
Angelina and Winter say they need to remind people who they are.
We recap ODB and Eric. Oh joy. They're in the back and she says it was a one time thing.
Winter vs. ODB
Eric is doing his usual insane stuff. ODB chest bumps Winter and sends her flying but a Bronco Buster doesn't hit. Winter puts her in a Tree of Woe. Off to a quick chinlock but ODB comes back with a fallaway slam and nip up....and here's Eric to give Angelina an airplane spin. TKO beats Winter at 3:32. It's called the Bam apparently.
Here's AJ who wants to talk to Kaz. It doesn't take long for him to get here and AJ is mad. He wants to know why Kaz turned on him. Kaz was supposed to be the level headed one and the calm one. This happened last year with Daniels, so why is it happening here? AJ keeps yelling and Kaz says he can't tell him. Daniels pops up and says he can. He says he's tired of Kaz carrying AJ and that AJ is a lost cause. Daniels tells Kaz to leave which he does, so AJ CHUCKS the mic (from like two and a half feet) at Daniels and the beatdown is on. Kaz pulls him to safety but doesn't look happy that he did so.
Ray and Roode are in the back and Ray points out that he was trending on Twitter. Roode gives me the high point of his career: saying there are more important things than Twitter. Ray won't shut up about it while Roode freaks out about the title match later. He says he'll have Roode's back in exchange for a shot. Roode agrees, but doesn't seem sincere.
Here's Storm and he demands Angle come out, so here's baldie himself. Storm slaps the mic out of his hand and says Angle cheated, because he's beaten Angle twice but Kurt had to cheat to beat him. Angle says he's done with Storm and wants the title. Sting comes out and quickly says in the title match, if Roode gets disqualified he loses the title. Also tonight, it's the rubber match and the winner gets a title shot in the future.
Kurt Angle vs. James Storm
Angle had only until we came back from a break to get his gear, which he says he doesn't have. After the break there's no Kurt. Earl starts the count and Angle makes it in at 9, putting the singlet on as he runs. Storm pounds him down quickly and Angle goes shoulder first into the post. A DDT on the arm gets two. Storm goes after the hand because we've always heard about Angle's grip. Angle tries to roll away and hits the floor where he finally gets in some shots to break the momentum.
Still outside, Angle pops off a belly to belly and we take a break. Back with Angle getting two off something we didn't see. Snap suplex gets two for Kurt. After more beatings, they both try a cross body to knock them both down. Storm hammers away and hits a Backstabber. A backbreaker sets up the fabled jump into the boot but Storm grabs the foot and puts on the ankle lock. Kurt kicks him off and the Slam gets two. Angle pounds away on Storm and goes outside.
He picks up the beer bottle and brings it in, but Hebner takes it. The distraction lets Kurt spit beer in Storm's face and the kick to the head, which isn't super at all, for two. Storm grabs a Codebreaker out of nowhere and the Last Call ends this at 15:57. The ending came out of nowhere. Storm is #1 contender.
Tessmacher is in some Hooters pageant.
Sting is at a photo shoot when Madison comes up. She says he can officially make her VP of the Knockouts but he says no. Instead he makes her vs. Mickie next week in a cage.
TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode
Roode chills on the floor before the match so Hardy dives on him to take over. Dixie is at ringside. They haven't both been in the ring yet. Hardy dominates to start but Roode gets in a shot, only to have his piledriver attempt blocked and a slingshot sends him into the post. Twist of Fate is countered but Jeff hits a clothesline and they go in. And there's the bell? I thought I missed it. Ok so we got three minutes of brawling beforehand. Got it.
Clothesline gets two for Hardy. Roode gets knocked outside again and we take a break. Back with them still on the floor and Hardy trying Poetry in Motion into the railing. He totally crashes and burns, which makes me shake my head when people are surprised that he has a drug problem. Jeff makes it back in at nine so Roode pounds on him even more. Blockbuster gets two. Jeff hits a jawbreaker and Russian legsweep for two. Whisper in the Wind gets two.
Twist is countered into the spinebuster and Roode tries the fisherman's suplex but Jeff counters into another Twist. Swanton misses and Roode grabs a cover for two. This is getting really good. Twisting Stunner and Twist of Fate set up the Swanton and Roode is in BIG trouble. Hardy covers....and here's Bully Ray to beat up the referee. The match is thrown out at let's say 13:00.
Results
Crimson/Matt Morgan b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Double spinebuster to Robbie E
ODB b. Winter – The Bam
James Storm b. Kurt Angle – Last Call
Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode via DQ when Bully Ray interfered
Friday
Impact got a 1.1, the same as last week.
Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
Another Friday, another Smackdown. The main event tonight is Show vs. Bryan again, but this time it's no DQ and no countout. They're stacking the deck against Bryan, but that means he'll probably escape with the title as that's how most of these matches work on these big TV shows. Should be interesting though. Let's get to it.
They do the thing where the show starts with what seems like a promo.
Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is Perez Hilton, who WWE.com says will be refereeing a match on Raw.
Lillian opens the show by bringing out Daniel Bryan. The fans don't seem thrilled to see him. He's being booed now but it's not full blown yet. Once he talks about Big Show and defeating him last week it is though. Bryan says the fans on the message rooms and chatrooms (seriously?) because those people saying that he goaded Henry into doing that are wrong.
Bryan calls for Henry's suspension for ruining the match and here's Henry in the flesh. He yells at Bryan and says he had a meeting with Teddy as well. Due to Bryan goading him, he's banned from ringside tonight. Bryan says that's good so Henry calls him Tiny Tim. If Henry stays out of it tonight, he gets a shot next week.
Kofi says don't try this at home, school or anywhere.
Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater
This is due to Gabriel making the save last week after Slater attacked Hornswoggle. They speed things up to start as Booker says Slater is just some guidance away from being something special. Gabriel kicks him in the face to take over but walks into a neckbreaker for two. Slater goes up but Horny's music hits. The distraction lets Gabriel knock him down so that the 450 can get Gabriel the win at 2:46.
Bryan is warming up when AJ comes up. She's proud of him and says she loves him. She leaves and Bryan seems pleased.
The Rumble Moment is from 1998 with Austin winning his first.
Here's Cody to make fun of the people in Laredo only speaking Spanish. He wants to remind everyone that he's been IC Champion for five months, which is cinco if the people are confused. He lists off some names he's been champion longer than. Cody says he's going to pull an Ultimate Warrior (which could mean a lot of things. His words, not mine) but he means being a double champion. He officially announces that he's in the Rumble.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Cody Rhodes
Cody takes over to start and Cole gets into it with Booker in possibly record time. Rhodes stomps him down and Josh does his usual job of getting us back on track by asking Booker what his thoughts are on Cody's plans to be a double champion. Booker says good luck and it's back to him vs. Cole. Total squash as the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes end this at 2:15.
You still shouldn't try this at home.
Edge's HOF video.
Santino is giving Teddy some new match ideas. A cage match with a giant cage with a medium cage inside and a small cage inside of that. Santino's next idea is to go back and reverse Jack Tunney's decision about allowing reptiles at ringside. Teddy has no idea what he's talking about so Otunga pops up. They talk about the Rumble and David is here to get the names of the Smackdown guys in the Rumble. This turns into Santino vs. Otunga later. They leave and someone knocks. Teddy thinks it's Aksana but it's McIntyre. Teddy says he's getting close to being fired so win tonight. Drew tries to talk but gets thrown out.
Drew McIntyre vs. Ted DiBiase
Hunico and Camaco on the BICYCLE OF DEATH come out pre match. Drew hits a very fast big boot for two. Hunico jumps in on commentary as Drew is knocked to the floor where DiBiase hits a nice suicide dive. Drew takes over again and I think Camacho is on commentary as well. Hunico says DiBiase should have one of his parties in the barrio. DiBiase comes back with the following clothesline for two. Ted jumps into a punch which gets two for McIntyre. Camacho says Hunico saved his life in the barrio which is why Camacho hangs out with him. Drew gets crotched on the top and Dream Street ends this at 3:46.
Video on Wade Barrett's career accomplishments thus far.
Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal
Mahal says something we can't understand but apparently it translates to he's going to win the Rumble. Sheamus pounds him into the corner, beating him like a stepchild as he's done in almost all of their matches. He loads up the Cross but Jinder rolls to the floor. Slingshot shoulder gets two. There are the forearms in the ropes but Mahal gets in an elbow to escape. A jumping knee to the face gets one. Neckbreaker gets two and there's the chinlock. Sheamus powers out of it and now hits the forearms. Top rope shoulder puts Jinder down and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:53.
The referee is talking to Show in the back. Show says he knows the rules and everything is cool. Cue AJ who comes up to Show's nipples. She's worried about Daniel but Show says he's not out to hurt Daniel. Bryan pops up and accuses Show of trying to steal his girl. Show says the title has changed Bryan and he's not sure if it's for the better. After tonight, that won't be a problem. Show leaves and Bryan asks AJ if Show intimidated her. AJ says no and Bryan says he won't let anything happen to her.
Don't be a bully.
Another Rumble Moment: HHH wins in 2002.
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga
I don't see the string of short matches being broken here. They go to the mat quickly with Santino being in control. Otunga takes him down and yells a lot but gets rolled up for two. An elbow drop gets two for David. Santino comes back with his usual stuff but the Cobra is blocked. Otunga grabs him into a fireman's carry but tilts him down, driving him into kind of a reverse Emerald Flowsion. Imagine the same style move but starting in a Samoan Drop position instead of a powerslam position. Either way it gets the pin at 2:12.
The Horsemen are going to the HOF.
Still don't try this at home. They're drilling this into us tonight. Not a bad thing but they're saying it a lot.
Raw ReBound eats up some time. Ryder isn't severely hurt. Thank goodness.
IT'S FUNKASAURUS TIME!!!
Brodus Clay vs. Tyson Kidd
He gets the same entrance as on Raw, and the biggest thing he's got going for him: he's giving this everything he's got. That sentence took longer than the match. Cross body and we're done in 12 seconds. Literally, that's it. You can't say he's forgettable.
Teddy is dancing to Clay's song when Aksana comes in. She asks about the show in Vegas next week and Teddy implies stuff happening there. She wants to go to the roulette tables so she can hit on black. That chokes Teddy up but he says he's fine.
Video on Santino, who is apparently tough.
Another Rumble video, this time on Shawn.
Tamina vs. Natalya
Natalya starts fast with a slap and suplex for two. Samoan drop, Superfly Splash, pin at 56 seconds. WHY DO THEY BOTHER WITH THESE THINGS???
As Tamina is leaving, Barrett comes out. I don't think they're related though. He says he's not impressed by Sheamus, that he'll win the Rumble, and God save the Queen. And that's it. Ok then.
Same Kofi promo from earlier. That's 4 times tonight.
Sheamus vs. Barrett next week, along with Henry's title shot.
Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan
No DQ and no countout here with Henry getting the winner next week. AJ comes out too and my goodness she looks good. Bryan offers a handshake but Show gorilla presses him instead. There are the chops in the corner and a big toss. Bryan can sell quite well. Bryan gets in a few kicks in the corner but as he goes up, Show spears him out of the air and Bryan falls to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Show putting Bryan on the table and slapping him hard. Bryan manages to get a chair and hit about ten shots. Show shrugs them off and gets the chair. Bryan looks TERRIFIED. Show is smiling and the fans are cheering for him. Bryan manages to knock him off the apron and hit a few more shots but Show knocks it away again like it's nothing. Back in the ring more kicks don't do much to Show. A DDT onto the chair gets two and a power kickout from Show. Show slaps Bryan's chest and takes over again.
Chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a chop block. Back to the chair but Show punches it back, sending it partially into Bryan's face. They go outside and Show sets up the announce table. Bryan breaks up the chokeslam and hits about 4 more chair shots, bringing the total up to around 20. He tries the running knee off the apron but jumps into a chop. Bryan runs and Show accidentally runs over AJ. The match is stopped and we're done at roughly 8:15 shown of roughly 11:45.
AJ goes out on a stretcher. Show looks like he's about to cry. It didn't look like there was a ton of contact but the size difference makes up for it I guess. Bryan rips into Show, yelling about how the title isn't worth this and calls Show a bastard. But did Show's mama say so? Show is distraught to end the show.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson – Cross Rhodes
Ted DiBiase b. Drew McIntyre – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Over the shoulder piledriver
Brodus Clay b. Tyson Kidd – Cross body
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan went to a no contest
Saturday
Nothing today.
Sunday
To my great shock, we have something today. Air Boom lost the tag titles at a house show to Epico/Primo. That hasn't happened in years as far as I remember.
Quick Results
Raw
Sheamus/Santino Marella b. Wade Barrett/Jinder Mahal – Cobra to Mahal
Daniel Bryan b. Kofi Kingston – LeBell Lock
Brodus Clay b. Curt Hawkins – Cross Body
CM Punk b. Jack Swagger – Top Rope Elbow Drop
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest
NXT
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Rollup
Trent Barreta b. Tyler Reks – Backslide
Usuo b. JTG/Tyson Kidd – Superkick to JTG
Johnny Curtis b. Alex Riley – Sitout brainbuster
Impact Wrestling
Crimson/Matt Morgan b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Double spinebuster to Robbie E
ODB b. Winter – The Bam
James Storm b. Kurt Angle – Last Call
Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode via DQ when Bully Ray interfered
Smackdown
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson – Cross Rhodes
Ted DiBiase b. Drew McIntyre – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Over the shoulder piledriver
Brodus Clay b. Tyson Kidd – Cross body
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan went to a no contest
Smackdown got a 1.8, down again.
The WWE Network launch date is possibly being pushed back to the fall. Granted, the April date was never officially announced so it's not changing their minds officially. This is just a rumor at this point.
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 9, 2012
Location: American Bank Center Arena, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's the week after HE IS HERE and Chris Jericho is back. That being said, I don't know what to expect from him. Maybe he'll actually say something this time? Either way, things almost have to be better than they were last week. We're getting close to Rumble time too which is always interesting. Let's get to it.
After a video of the ending of last week's show, here's Kane to open the show. He says people are wondering why he's embracing hate, and it's because the people are in denial. Everyone gets up next to a spouse they can't stand and go to a job they hate and go home to children who are brats. Everyone has delusions of hope like Cena himself does.
Cena represents hope and success. The people should see Cena as unfulfilled hopes and dreams. The people are all liars when they cheer for Cena because they think cheering for an underdog makes them good. Look at Zack Ryder for example: The people made him a star because he's an underdog. Last week Kane tried to drag Ryder to the depths but Cena stopped him. That just delayed the inevitable though, because Kane wants consequences.
Cue Cena and it's a brawl immediately. A clothesline puts Kane outside and they brawl up the aisle. They fight into the back and they're outside. They're over a kind of pit which looks to be a few feet deep but you can see the bottom. There's a production truck and Cena is knocked into some metal stuff next to it. He hits Kane in the leg with a pipe but is knocked into some boxes. He gets up and Kane is gone as we go to a break.
Sheamus/Santino Marella vs. Jinder Mahal/Wade Barrett
All four are officially in the Rumble. The non-main event guys start us off as Cole tries to explain to us what the turban is for because he's a man of the world or something. Off to the Englishman who beats up the Canditalian who is waiting on the tag to the Irishman so he can hopefully beat up the Indian that he's mad at. There's the tag and Sheamus cleans house. Brogue Kick to Mahal and the Cobra gets the pin at 2:52. This was nothing, and Mahal continues to look like nothing compared to Sheamus.
Miz complains to Ace and Otunga about the Truth attacks lately. Brodus is debuting tonight apparently. Miz wants private security but Ace says he's Big Johnny, not Little Jimmy. There's a bad porn title in there somewhere.
We get a Hall of Fame inductee announced tonight.
The first inductee is.......Edge. We get a video about his career. There's going to be a second inductee tonight as well. Cool.
Miz is trying to get a bodyguard in the form of Mason Ryan but he gets turned down.
Ryder is on the phone with his dad, talking about how afraid he is of Kane. Eve pops up and he says he'll beat Kane up later. He's off the phone and asks Eve for another date. She actually says yes but it's after her match later. Both of them leave separately and a door opens behind Ryder. Kane pokes his head in and then goes back out as we go to a break.
Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan
Well this is a surprise. This was set up via a video on WWE.com where Kofi questioned Bryan's methods of winning the world title. I hope they showed that to the live crowd. Bryan's weight is up to 210lbs so maybe they're back to faking weights. Kofi hits a springboard cross body for a fast two but Bryan rolls him up for the same. This is non-title if I didn't mention that. Bryan does his corner moonsault so Kofi comes out of the corner with a cross body. In a SLICK counter, Bryan lands in the LeBell Lock and we're done at 1:14.
Bryan does the big celebration again post match. And here's Big Show. He gets in the ring and Bryan begs off, saying he hated the ending to the title match. The title is too important to end like that. He offers Show a title match anytime he wants. Show says Teddy agrees as well, so there's going to be a title match on Friday, no DQ and no count-outs. Oh dear. They shake hands and Show leaves.
Royal Rumble Moment is the end of 1994 with the double winners.
Justin Roberts introduces Brodus Clay as being from the Planet Funk and being the Funk-o-Saurus. He has dancers and is coming out to ERNEST MILLER'S WWE music. WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I WATCHING??? He's DANCING! I swear I'm not making this up. He's in a red track suit and has a red hat on.
Brodus Clay vs. Curt Hawkins
Total squash and he dances a lot. A cross body ends this in 65 seconds. This is BIZARRE.
Zack Ryder is brushing his teeth and looking in a mirror. He keeps thinking someone is watching him and leavesl.
Miz tries to get Rosa and Epico/Primo to protect him. They say no and leave but Punk pops up to NO reaction.
They go to a break here and thank goodness. I need a minute after what I just saw with Brodus.
Jack Swagger vs. CM Punk
Ace comes out and says that if Punk wins, Swagger and Vickie are barred from ringside at the Rumble. Ziggler tonight has to fight Cena to keep things fair. Feeling out process to start with Punk working a headlock but Swagger taking it to the mat. Punk goes up for the elbow so Jack hits the floor. Swagger takes over with his size advantage and hooks a quickly countered ankle lock. Off to a double chicken wing kind of hold and then a waistlock. Swagger is knocked to the floor and a suicide dive takes him out as we go to a break.
Back with Punk starting his comeback. He fires off some strikes and hits the knee in the corner but the bulldog is thrown off and the Vader Bomb gets two. Another attempt at a Bomb is countered but Swagger takes over again quickly. He loads up a superplex but Punk shoves him off for a top rope elbow....for the pin? I thought he kicked out but apparently not as Punk gets the pin at 13:57.
Replay shows that it was a bad call and Cole freaks.
We see the ending of the Cena vs. Kane fight earlier.
Cena and Ryder are in the back talking and Ryder thanks Cena for everything he's done for him.
The Bellas are talking in the back when Ricardo pops up. They brought him all the way from Mexico to give Del Rio a message. Miz interrupts them and says Ricardo is going to draw out R-Truth by insulting him. Ricardo says no but Miz threatens him.
The second HOF inductee: It's still not Savage, but it's THE FOUR HORSEMEN!!!
Here's Ricardo to insult Truth but he's very nervous to do so. He says that Truth's breath smells like a rotten burrito and that's enough to draw Truth out. Truth doesn't know why Ricardo would want to pick a fight with him. Even Little Jimmy thinks he's a good R-Truth now. He asks Little Jimmy if he should let Ricardo go. Apparently Jimmy doesn't like Ricardo so Truth should turn Ricardo into a human pinata.
Ricardo freaks out so Truth asks for a song. La Cucaracha in fact. Ricardo gets WAY into this and even says this is a remix halfway though. Truth asks him to do it again and Ricardo knocks the mic out of his hand. Ricardo takes a Little Jimmy and here's Miz for the beatdown.
Jericho time. He gets an entrance from Roberts and does the same entrance that he did last week. He's doing the same thing he did last week with the whole running around the ring. No mic that I can see. Oh now he has one and the music ends. He poses on the corner and hasn't talked yet. The mic is to his chest....(this is high drama stuff people) and he looks like he's about to cry. He takes a minute to compose himself.....and is now crying. The music comes on and he walks out, still not saying anything.
Another Rumble Moment: 98, Austin wins.
Eve Torres vs. Beth Phoenix
Eve has new music I think. It's 10:51 before Beth comes out so they're going to have to blaze through this. And never mind because here's Kane. Since women in wrestling are idiots, Eve gets out of the ring and STANDS THERE. Ryder runs out to save her and they run off to the side of the tron. No match.
We cut to the back and Ryder throws her into a car. The tire is flat though, so Ryder CHANGES THE TIRE. We take a break as Pep Boy #4 keeps at it.
Ryder defends against Swagger next week.
Ryder is still changing the tire when we get back. Call AAA dude. I'm sure they have some luchadores that could help you.
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler
No entrance for Dolph and the bell rings at 10:59. Ziggler starts fast and hits a quick Fameasser for two. Off to a chinlock and Ziggler does a headstand while holding it. Cole: “You couldn't do that King.” Lawler: “Why would I want to?” Good question. Ziggler drops some elbows and does the situps. Cena starts his comeback and we cut to the back where Ryder is STILL changing the tire.
Kane finally comes to attack him and Ziggler throws on a sleeper. We cut to the back again and Kane chokeslams him into the pit I mentioned at the beginning of the show. Ziggler puts on another sleeper but Cena hits an AA to escape. He goes to the back and I guess the match is thrown out at about 5:00. I'm not going to rate it due to the match just being a placeholder for the angle. It was nothing of note anyway.
Cena gets out there and Kane jumps him. He smothers Cena down again and Ryder is just laying on the wooden pallet he was chokeslammed onto. Cena is left laying too. Kane stands very tall to end the show.
Results
Sheamus/Santino Marella b. Wade Barrett/Jinder Mahal – Cobra to Mahal
Daniel Bryan b. Kofi Kingston – LeBell Lock
Brodus Clay b. Curt Hawkins – Cross Body
CM Punk b. Jack Swagger – Top Rope Elbow Drop
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest
Tuesday
Raw got a 2.9, probably due to the BCS Title game.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: January 11, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: William Regal, Matt Striker
It's episode 99, and somehow that's not just of this season. This is only episode 45 of this one. You would think they would be good and redeemed by this point but I guess not. Titus should be back this week and next week it's off to the Meadows for the wedding between Maxine and Curtis. Let's get to it.
There's a new intro, which looks like any other WWE TV show intro. Well at least they're admitting it now.
Striker says next week is the 100th episode from Vegas. He brings back another former member of NXT: Alicia Fox. Oh because she used to be a Pro. Apparently it's impressive that she's on Raw and Smackdown now, which is what got her a position as a Pro in the first place. The hooded fur thing looks stupid but that's “fashion” I guess. Maxine was her rookie and Alicia says she tried to sell her on Ebay but it didn't work.
Cue Maxine who says this is her ring and show now. Alicia is a waste of space and they get into an argument. Striker tries to calm them down and Maxine says shove it Striker. Alicia tries to be nice and asks how...or I mean who, are you doing? Brawl starts and we get a referee for a match.
Alicia Fox vs. Maxine
Regal asks an interesting question: how did Striker get all this power? Alicia tries to do the splits but Maxine drops a knee onto her to take over. There's no fascinating fact about Maxine this week because all she would talk about was the wedding. As for the match, it's your usual Divas match. Maxine beats on her for awhile but as she tries an O'Connor Roll, Alicia rolls through it for the pin at 2:10. Nothing else to say here.
Trent Barreta vs. Tyler Reks
Reks pounds him away to start. They're playing up Barreta as a prankster or something like that. Trent takes it to the floor and hits a big dive. Reks has a bad ankle now. And never mind as he kicks Trent's head off and was playing possum. A Downward Spiral into the middle buckle gets two and it's off to the chinlock. They're using the camera angle that was used in Season One, which is practically eye level with the top rope.
Trent gets two feet up in the corner as the announcers talk about star quality, which Reks says, so says Regal. Trent misses something off the top and Reks puts him in a torture rack. When you're channeling Lex Luger, there might be something wrong with you. Either way, Barreta rolls through it and gets a backslide, yes a backslide I say, for the pin at 4:20.
Reks yells at the announcers as Hawkins pounds Trent down. Yoshi comes in for the save.
Gabriel and Bateman are in the back and Gabriel mentions the e-mail that broke up Maxine and Bateman. Derrick has no idea what's going on and says he never sent it, even pulling out his phone. Now they're stealing ideas from Raw? Gabriel suggests that Bateman's e-mail was hacked. He freaks, shouts CURTIS and walks off.
Usos vs. Tyson Kidd/JTG
Great. It's JTG. No Tamina here. Kidd vs. let's say Jey to start. The twins double team him and a double back elbow gets two. Off to JTG as the Samoan hits a European Uppercut to the American. The crowd is dead for this. When a Siva Tao can't fire them up, the show is pretty bad. Kidd is in and there's some cheating with Jey getting beaten down. Off to the chinlock which Jey breaks pretty quickly. Double tag off to JTG and Jimmy and the corner hip smash gets two. Kidd hits a suicide dive to take Jey out but Jimmy hits a superkick for the pin at 4:16.
Raw ReBound.
Aksana and Maxine are in the back and Maxine freaks out. Aksana offers any help she can give with the wedding. Bateman comes up and they get in a mini argument. She says she and Curtis are going to the top.
Rumble 94 is the moment this week.
Alex Riley vs. Johnny Curtis
I love Riley's music. Curtis however couldn't be more generic if his life depended on it. Striker makes marriage jokes and the fans seem to be into Riley. Riley sends him to the floor where he gets a kiss from Maxine. And scratch that as Curtis takes him down and hooks a chinlock. Regal won't be bringing a gift to the wedding. Riley gets in a boot but Maxine distracts him, allowing something like a falcon's arrow brainbuster ends Riley at 2:04.
Bateman comes out and says next week, this ends. OH PLEASE LET HIM BE TELLING THE TRUTH!!!
Here's Darren Young and we get a recap of their feud. After he says he's better than Titus he calls the big bald one out. Titus goes off on Young and partially on the idea of the show, saying Striker has given up on the challenges and he doesn't care about the points. There's no Watson, no JTG and no Tamina here, so let's deal with this right now, one on one. Young says he's beaten him more times than he can count and he's won all the matches.
Actually from what I can find they've had 7 one-on-one matches and Titus leads 5-2. Young yells at Titus and Titus says watch it. Darren insults Titus' kids a few times and it's on. Striker breaks it apart and says next week, those two in a No DQ match. That would be better if it hadn't already happened back in May with Titus winning but whatever. The brawl end the show.
Results
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Rollup
Trent Barreta b. Tyler Reks – Backslide
Usuo b. JTG/Tyson Kidd – Superkick to JTG
Johnny Curtis b. Alex Riley – Sitout brainbuster
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: January 12, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
It's after Genesis now so it basically means a new day for TNA. Roode is still champion, Angle tied up the series with Storm, no titles changed, and basically the whole show didn't change anything. Against All Odds is next and we have probably even more rematches to look forward to. Anyway, hopefully things are a little more interesting in the next few weeks. Let's get to it.
We open with a recap of Genesis where Roode kept the title via getting himself disqualified.
Here's Roode who says he's the most dominant champion ever and that he's beaten everyone put in front of him. He wants Hardy to come out and shake his hand but gets Sting instead. Sting talks to Roode like he's an idiot and says he wants to beat him up. It results in Hardy vs. Roode tonight.
Earlier today, Morgan got here and ran into Crimson. Crimson says he got a Direct Auto Insurance policy. Are you kidding me? They have a match tonight too against the Robs.
Robbie E/Robbie T vs. Crimson/Matt Morgan
Non-title here. Crimson starts off with E so it's off to T quickly. And then T runs him over and it's back to E. Crimson and Morgan take turns destroying him. Carbon Footprint takes down T and a double spinebuster ends this in 1:58. Total squash.
Joe and Magnus run out and jump the champs post match.
Eric is here.
We recap Garrett vs. his pappy and Gunner.
Cue Eric to the arena. Eric talks about how it's not that easy to be a wrestler. You have to have talent to go with the chance. Eric may have made everything he's done look easy, but it doesn't work that way. Garrett comes out and says he's not quitting because his dad says so. He lists off the top guys that he's learning from and says he's going to stick with this. Garrett says he isn't going to quit and that he has a new trainer who is going to shock Eric. Garrett goes to leave but Eric stops him. The sonny grabs him by the neck and says never touch him again.
Angelina and Winter say they need to remind people who they are.
We recap ODB and Eric. Oh joy. They're in the back and she says it was a one time thing.
Winter vs. ODB
Eric is doing his usual insane stuff. ODB chest bumps Winter and sends her flying but a Bronco Buster doesn't hit. Winter puts her in a Tree of Woe. Off to a quick chinlock but ODB comes back with a fallaway slam and nip up....and here's Eric to give Angelina an airplane spin. TKO beats Winter at 3:32. It's called the Bam apparently.
Here's AJ who wants to talk to Kaz. It doesn't take long for him to get here and AJ is mad. He wants to know why Kaz turned on him. Kaz was supposed to be the level headed one and the calm one. This happened last year with Daniels, so why is it happening here? AJ keeps yelling and Kaz says he can't tell him. Daniels pops up and says he can. He says he's tired of Kaz carrying AJ and that AJ is a lost cause. Daniels tells Kaz to leave which he does, so AJ CHUCKS the mic (from like two and a half feet) at Daniels and the beatdown is on. Kaz pulls him to safety but doesn't look happy that he did so.
Ray and Roode are in the back and Ray points out that he was trending on Twitter. Roode gives me the high point of his career: saying there are more important things than Twitter. Ray won't shut up about it while Roode freaks out about the title match later. He says he'll have Roode's back in exchange for a shot. Roode agrees, but doesn't seem sincere.
Here's Storm and he demands Angle come out, so here's baldie himself. Storm slaps the mic out of his hand and says Angle cheated, because he's beaten Angle twice but Kurt had to cheat to beat him. Angle says he's done with Storm and wants the title. Sting comes out and quickly says in the title match, if Roode gets disqualified he loses the title. Also tonight, it's the rubber match and the winner gets a title shot in the future.
Kurt Angle vs. James Storm
Angle had only until we came back from a break to get his gear, which he says he doesn't have. After the break there's no Kurt. Earl starts the count and Angle makes it in at 9, putting the singlet on as he runs. Storm pounds him down quickly and Angle goes shoulder first into the post. A DDT on the arm gets two. Storm goes after the hand because we've always heard about Angle's grip. Angle tries to roll away and hits the floor where he finally gets in some shots to break the momentum.
Still outside, Angle pops off a belly to belly and we take a break. Back with Angle getting two off something we didn't see. Snap suplex gets two for Kurt. After more beatings, they both try a cross body to knock them both down. Storm hammers away and hits a Backstabber. A backbreaker sets up the fabled jump into the boot but Storm grabs the foot and puts on the ankle lock. Kurt kicks him off and the Slam gets two. Angle pounds away on Storm and goes outside.
He picks up the beer bottle and brings it in, but Hebner takes it. The distraction lets Kurt spit beer in Storm's face and the kick to the head, which isn't super at all, for two. Storm grabs a Codebreaker out of nowhere and the Last Call ends this at 15:57. The ending came out of nowhere. Storm is #1 contender.
Tessmacher is in some Hooters pageant.
Sting is at a photo shoot when Madison comes up. She says he can officially make her VP of the Knockouts but he says no. Instead he makes her vs. Mickie next week in a cage.
TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Roode
Roode chills on the floor before the match so Hardy dives on him to take over. Dixie is at ringside. They haven't both been in the ring yet. Hardy dominates to start but Roode gets in a shot, only to have his piledriver attempt blocked and a slingshot sends him into the post. Twist of Fate is countered but Jeff hits a clothesline and they go in. And there's the bell? I thought I missed it. Ok so we got three minutes of brawling beforehand. Got it.
Clothesline gets two for Hardy. Roode gets knocked outside again and we take a break. Back with them still on the floor and Hardy trying Poetry in Motion into the railing. He totally crashes and burns, which makes me shake my head when people are surprised that he has a drug problem. Jeff makes it back in at nine so Roode pounds on him even more. Blockbuster gets two. Jeff hits a jawbreaker and Russian legsweep for two. Whisper in the Wind gets two.
Twist is countered into the spinebuster and Roode tries the fisherman's suplex but Jeff counters into another Twist. Swanton misses and Roode grabs a cover for two. This is getting really good. Twisting Stunner and Twist of Fate set up the Swanton and Roode is in BIG trouble. Hardy covers....and here's Bully Ray to beat up the referee. The match is thrown out at let's say 13:00.
Results
Crimson/Matt Morgan b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Double spinebuster to Robbie E
ODB b. Winter – The Bam
James Storm b. Kurt Angle – Last Call
Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode via DQ when Bully Ray interfered
Friday
Impact got a 1.1, the same as last week.
Smackdown
Date: January 13, 2012
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews
Another Friday, another Smackdown. The main event tonight is Show vs. Bryan again, but this time it's no DQ and no countout. They're stacking the deck against Bryan, but that means he'll probably escape with the title as that's how most of these matches work on these big TV shows. Should be interesting though. Let's get to it.
They do the thing where the show starts with what seems like a promo.
Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is Perez Hilton, who WWE.com says will be refereeing a match on Raw.
Lillian opens the show by bringing out Daniel Bryan. The fans don't seem thrilled to see him. He's being booed now but it's not full blown yet. Once he talks about Big Show and defeating him last week it is though. Bryan says the fans on the message rooms and chatrooms (seriously?) because those people saying that he goaded Henry into doing that are wrong.
Bryan calls for Henry's suspension for ruining the match and here's Henry in the flesh. He yells at Bryan and says he had a meeting with Teddy as well. Due to Bryan goading him, he's banned from ringside tonight. Bryan says that's good so Henry calls him Tiny Tim. If Henry stays out of it tonight, he gets a shot next week.
Kofi says don't try this at home, school or anywhere.
Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater
This is due to Gabriel making the save last week after Slater attacked Hornswoggle. They speed things up to start as Booker says Slater is just some guidance away from being something special. Gabriel kicks him in the face to take over but walks into a neckbreaker for two. Slater goes up but Horny's music hits. The distraction lets Gabriel knock him down so that the 450 can get Gabriel the win at 2:46.
Bryan is warming up when AJ comes up. She's proud of him and says she loves him. She leaves and Bryan seems pleased.
The Rumble Moment is from 1998 with Austin winning his first.
Here's Cody to make fun of the people in Laredo only speaking Spanish. He wants to remind everyone that he's been IC Champion for five months, which is cinco if the people are confused. He lists off some names he's been champion longer than. Cody says he's going to pull an Ultimate Warrior (which could mean a lot of things. His words, not mine) but he means being a double champion. He officially announces that he's in the Rumble.
Ezekiel Jackson vs. Cody Rhodes
Cody takes over to start and Cole gets into it with Booker in possibly record time. Rhodes stomps him down and Josh does his usual job of getting us back on track by asking Booker what his thoughts are on Cody's plans to be a double champion. Booker says good luck and it's back to him vs. Cole. Total squash as the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes end this at 2:15.
You still shouldn't try this at home.
Edge's HOF video.
Santino is giving Teddy some new match ideas. A cage match with a giant cage with a medium cage inside and a small cage inside of that. Santino's next idea is to go back and reverse Jack Tunney's decision about allowing reptiles at ringside. Teddy has no idea what he's talking about so Otunga pops up. They talk about the Rumble and David is here to get the names of the Smackdown guys in the Rumble. This turns into Santino vs. Otunga later. They leave and someone knocks. Teddy thinks it's Aksana but it's McIntyre. Teddy says he's getting close to being fired so win tonight. Drew tries to talk but gets thrown out.
Drew McIntyre vs. Ted DiBiase
Hunico and Camaco on the BICYCLE OF DEATH come out pre match. Drew hits a very fast big boot for two. Hunico jumps in on commentary as Drew is knocked to the floor where DiBiase hits a nice suicide dive. Drew takes over again and I think Camacho is on commentary as well. Hunico says DiBiase should have one of his parties in the barrio. DiBiase comes back with the following clothesline for two. Ted jumps into a punch which gets two for McIntyre. Camacho says Hunico saved his life in the barrio which is why Camacho hangs out with him. Drew gets crotched on the top and Dream Street ends this at 3:46.
Video on Wade Barrett's career accomplishments thus far.
Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal
Mahal says something we can't understand but apparently it translates to he's going to win the Rumble. Sheamus pounds him into the corner, beating him like a stepchild as he's done in almost all of their matches. He loads up the Cross but Jinder rolls to the floor. Slingshot shoulder gets two. There are the forearms in the ropes but Mahal gets in an elbow to escape. A jumping knee to the face gets one. Neckbreaker gets two and there's the chinlock. Sheamus powers out of it and now hits the forearms. Top rope shoulder puts Jinder down and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:53.
The referee is talking to Show in the back. Show says he knows the rules and everything is cool. Cue AJ who comes up to Show's nipples. She's worried about Daniel but Show says he's not out to hurt Daniel. Bryan pops up and accuses Show of trying to steal his girl. Show says the title has changed Bryan and he's not sure if it's for the better. After tonight, that won't be a problem. Show leaves and Bryan asks AJ if Show intimidated her. AJ says no and Bryan says he won't let anything happen to her.
Don't be a bully.
Another Rumble Moment: HHH wins in 2002.
Santino Marella vs. David Otunga
I don't see the string of short matches being broken here. They go to the mat quickly with Santino being in control. Otunga takes him down and yells a lot but gets rolled up for two. An elbow drop gets two for David. Santino comes back with his usual stuff but the Cobra is blocked. Otunga grabs him into a fireman's carry but tilts him down, driving him into kind of a reverse Emerald Flowsion. Imagine the same style move but starting in a Samoan Drop position instead of a powerslam position. Either way it gets the pin at 2:12.
The Horsemen are going to the HOF.
Still don't try this at home. They're drilling this into us tonight. Not a bad thing but they're saying it a lot.
Raw ReBound eats up some time. Ryder isn't severely hurt. Thank goodness.
IT'S FUNKASAURUS TIME!!!
Brodus Clay vs. Tyson Kidd
He gets the same entrance as on Raw, and the biggest thing he's got going for him: he's giving this everything he's got. That sentence took longer than the match. Cross body and we're done in 12 seconds. Literally, that's it. You can't say he's forgettable.
Teddy is dancing to Clay's song when Aksana comes in. She asks about the show in Vegas next week and Teddy implies stuff happening there. She wants to go to the roulette tables so she can hit on black. That chokes Teddy up but he says he's fine.
Video on Santino, who is apparently tough.
Another Rumble video, this time on Shawn.
Tamina vs. Natalya
Natalya starts fast with a slap and suplex for two. Samoan drop, Superfly Splash, pin at 56 seconds. WHY DO THEY BOTHER WITH THESE THINGS???
As Tamina is leaving, Barrett comes out. I don't think they're related though. He says he's not impressed by Sheamus, that he'll win the Rumble, and God save the Queen. And that's it. Ok then.
Same Kofi promo from earlier. That's 4 times tonight.
Sheamus vs. Barrett next week, along with Henry's title shot.
Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan
No DQ and no countout here with Henry getting the winner next week. AJ comes out too and my goodness she looks good. Bryan offers a handshake but Show gorilla presses him instead. There are the chops in the corner and a big toss. Bryan can sell quite well. Bryan gets in a few kicks in the corner but as he goes up, Show spears him out of the air and Bryan falls to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Show putting Bryan on the table and slapping him hard. Bryan manages to get a chair and hit about ten shots. Show shrugs them off and gets the chair. Bryan looks TERRIFIED. Show is smiling and the fans are cheering for him. Bryan manages to knock him off the apron and hit a few more shots but Show knocks it away again like it's nothing. Back in the ring more kicks don't do much to Show. A DDT onto the chair gets two and a power kickout from Show. Show slaps Bryan's chest and takes over again.
Chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a chop block. Back to the chair but Show punches it back, sending it partially into Bryan's face. They go outside and Show sets up the announce table. Bryan breaks up the chokeslam and hits about 4 more chair shots, bringing the total up to around 20. He tries the running knee off the apron but jumps into a chop. Bryan runs and Show accidentally runs over AJ. The match is stopped and we're done at roughly 8:15 shown of roughly 11:45.
AJ goes out on a stretcher. Show looks like he's about to cry. It didn't look like there was a ton of contact but the size difference makes up for it I guess. Bryan rips into Show, yelling about how the title isn't worth this and calls Show a bastard. But did Show's mama say so? Show is distraught to end the show.
Results
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson – Cross Rhodes
Ted DiBiase b. Drew McIntyre – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Over the shoulder piledriver
Brodus Clay b. Tyson Kidd – Cross body
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan went to a no contest
Saturday
Nothing today.
Sunday
To my great shock, we have something today. Air Boom lost the tag titles at a house show to Epico/Primo. That hasn't happened in years as far as I remember.
Quick Results
Raw
Sheamus/Santino Marella b. Wade Barrett/Jinder Mahal – Cobra to Mahal
Daniel Bryan b. Kofi Kingston – LeBell Lock
Brodus Clay b. Curt Hawkins – Cross Body
CM Punk b. Jack Swagger – Top Rope Elbow Drop
John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest
NXT
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Rollup
Trent Barreta b. Tyler Reks – Backslide
Usuo b. JTG/Tyson Kidd – Superkick to JTG
Johnny Curtis b. Alex Riley – Sitout brainbuster
Impact Wrestling
Crimson/Matt Morgan b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Double spinebuster to Robbie E
ODB b. Winter – The Bam
James Storm b. Kurt Angle – Last Call
Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode via DQ when Bully Ray interfered
Smackdown
Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash
Cody Rhodes b. Ezekiel Jackson – Cross Rhodes
Ted DiBiase b. Drew McIntyre – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
David Otunga b. Santino Marella – Over the shoulder piledriver
Brodus Clay b. Tyson Kidd – Cross body
Tamina b. Natalya – Superfly Splash
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan went to a no contest