klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 21, 2013
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's the go home show for the Rumble and most of the card is set. My guess is that the Rock will be in the building tonight to further the feud with Punk. Other than that you can expect to see the big deal at the end of the show where everyone is thrown to the floor with one person left standing. Other than that there isn't likely to be anything new tonight. Let's get to it.
The Martin Luther King Day video opens things up. Vince never misses this one.
Here are Heyman and Vickie to open the show. Vickie says that it's her job to make sure everyone has the best time they can at her show. That means she has to do things that are unpopular at times, which includes when it involves The Rock. Heyman says last week Rock insulted him as well as Vickie, who he sucks up to.
We get a clip from the Rock Concert last week with Rock making fun of both of them and Vickie says that if Rock tries to get in here tonight, he'll be arrested. We're told that Rock is being stopped from getting in by cops so we cut to the back where Rock cuts a promo on the three cops.
Rock says that instead of arresting him, one should arrest Punk for impersonating a champion, because unlike Manti Te'o who had an imaginary girlfriend, Punk has an imaginary nutsack. Heyman should be arrested for going out without a bra and Vickie should be asked what her insides look like, because her own head is buried inside of her. Rock tries to talk his way into the arena but Vickie says he's not getting in, if you smell what the Vick is cooking.
Tonight there's a Beat the Clock Challenge and whoever wins gets to pick their number in the Rumble. The idea is that there will be three matches: whoever wins his fastest gets to pick their Rumble spot.
Beat The Clock Challenge: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro
Both guys try quick rollups with Cesaro grabbing a headlock to take it to the mat instead. Antonio has the American flag trunks on now as he continues to embrace America. Orton comes back with a Thesz Press but shifts to another cover instead of using the cover that the Press is by definition. Orton punches him down for two and we take a break. Back with Cesaro putting Randy on the top turnbuckle but Orton blocks a superplex and knocks Antonio to the outside.
Orton gets pulled down as well as the clock continues to tick. The gutwrench suplex gets a pair of two's and we hit a chinlock in a match that is designed to be won as quickly as possible. A slam gets two more for Cesaro as does a double stomp as we hit nine minutes. Back to the chinlock for a bit until Orton fights up and does all of his usual stuff. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT into a jackknife cover for two and the European uppercut gets the same. Orton is sent shoulder first into the post and falls to the floor as we're past eleven minutes now. Cesaro comes back in and walks into the RKO for the pin at 11:36.
Foley Hall of Fame video.
Shield video/promo talking about how they've taken out a lot of people and they're just getting started.
Big Show vs. Zack Ryder
Brad Maddox jumps in on commentary to further annoy us. WMD ends this in 46 seconds.
Show talks about his second Last Man Standing match with Del Rio at the Rumble. He stands on Ryder's chest and counts to ten.
Post break Maddox goes to see Heyman again and Heyman actually agrees to help make him famous. Ok then.
Ryback vs. Heath Slater
Back to basics for Ryback here as he mauls Heath and beats up the cohorts before finishing with Shell Shock at 1:11.
Ryback says his job is fun and on Sunday he's in his first Royal Rumble. He's made for this kind of match and it's going to lead him to the main event of Wrestlemania.
Rock is still trying to talk his way around the cops. He says the cops are here to serve the people, not to protect Vickie Guerrero. Rock talks about what an experience it is to see Rock's entrance and the fans start chanting his name. One of the cop says he had tickets for tonight and his wife and kid are in the crowd. Rock sees an opening and Vickie comes in to say arrest him.
The cops say Rock isn't breaking any laws but apparently Vickie has the power to have them suspended from the police force. Punk is up next so Vickie offers Rock a chance to get in if he'll apologize and make it good. Rock says he's getting in but on his terms, not hers. The other problem is that Vickie still looks horrible tonight. Vickie shoves the cops away and leaves. Rock tells the cops he has an idea.
Here are Punk and Heyman for their weekly talk session. Punk says that he's been champion 428 days and he's going to be champion this time next week. He's looked into the eyes of the Rock and knows that Rock isn't a champion inside his heart. A long time ago Punk chose honest arrogance while Rock picked all of the people. Rock may be the Brahma Bull and the Great One but he can't call himself champion. Punk is the man and in six days, Rock is on a collision course with him.
Beat The Clock Challenge: The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler
AJ is looking GREAT tonight. The clock is set at 11:36 so Miz tries for two fast pins but can only get two. They trade pinfall reversals until Ziggler hits a decent dropkick for two. A neckbreaker gets another two on Miz and it's chinlock time. Miz takes Ziggler down and pounds away as we're under nine minutes. A kick/knee to the face takes Ziggler down and there's a chop block to set up the Figure Four. That gets countered because Miz isn't Flair and Miz is sent to the floor. Langston sends him into the apron which gets two for Ziggler back inside.
We take a break and come back with four minutes left on the clock and Ziggler holding a chinlock. Miz fights up and hits a sunset flip and big boot for two each. Miz goes off on Ziggler in the corner and pounds away before hitting the running clothesline and the top rope ax handle for two. 2:30 left. The Finale is countered into a rollup by Ziggler which is countered into a rollup with trunks for two for Miz.
Ziggler hits the jumping DDT for two and we're under 2:00. Miz picks the leg and COMPLETELY screws up the Figure Four but an AJ distraction lets Langston pull them to the ropes. Under a minute left and Miz has to avoid a Langston distraction, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:56.
It's time for HELL NO's anger management graduation. Dr. Shelby is running things and apparently his first name is Marion. Apparently they're his first graduates. This comes complete with caps and gowns, Pomp and Circumstance, and diplomas. Bryan has his hair slicked back and they put their hats on in the ring. They officially graduate and as a final exercise, they have to pick who is valedictorian. Kane says Bryan and Bryan says NO.
Kane says Bryan has never had a problem with shutting his mouth before and an argument breaks out. Shelby snaps and asks them if a hug would make them feel better. The Dr. has an idea: what if EVERYONE hugged at the same time? Kane asks about Lawler and Cole and Shelby says yes them too. Lawler finally does it and now Bryan wants the physician and Justin Roberts to hug. Kane wants three fans to hug. They both tell random fans to hug and then everyone has to hug at once. A jumping group hug ends this.
Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox
Kaitlyn takes it to the floor quickly and pounds away as Tamina is looking on in the back. They head inside again and Alicia grabs a quick chinlock. That's the extent of her offense as Kaitlyn spears her down for the pin at 2:05.
Heyman has secured a sky box for Punk to watch the next segment from. He calls it a Paul Bomb for the Rock.
Here's Heyman to the ring to act as an interpreter for Punk since most of what he said likely went over the heads of most of the fans. The people seem to think that it's a foregone conclusion that Punk is losing the title on Sunday because Vince is desperate for someone to defeat Punk for the title. Rock is the flavor of the month this time because Rock should be focusing on Punk but instead he's singing songs about Heyman and Vickie. This means that Rock is stupid....and he's also apparently coming to the arena.
He holds up the ticket that presumably the cop had for himself and Heyman bails. Rock thanks the cop for the ticket so Heyman correctly points out that the ticket doesn't allow Rock to get in the ring. Shut your mouth Twinkie Tits. Rock looks up at Punk in the box and says that on Sunday he's winning the title. What it all boils down to is that Rock is going to rip Punk's face off and there's nothing Punk can do about it.
Rock invokes Martin Luther King and says that Rock is going to whip Punk all over the place. Next Monday, everyone from Bangkok to Brazil and all the way back around to San Jose is going to say free at last free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last from CM Punk as WWE Champion. Rock finishes it up and there go the lights. They come back up and SHIELD IS ON THE ROCK! They hit the Triple Bomb and leave Rock laying. Punk says that Rock may have a dream, but at some point you have to wake up. Rock is bleeding from the mouth.
We get a video on Martin Luther King. Dang they're really proud of him tonight aren't they?
Beat The Clock Challenge: Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus
The time to beat is 10:56. They slug it out to start and Sheamus gets two off a Regal Roll. Ziggler is watching in the back. Barrett rolls to the apron where he guillotines Sheamus to slow him up. Back inside and Barrett clotheslines Sheamus to the floor as we take a break. Back with five minutes left and Barrett kicking Shemus in the ribs. Off to an armbar on Sheamus before Sheamus comes back with running ax handles and a knee lift.
We're under 4:00 to go and Barrett is dumped to the apron for the ten forearms. A suplex back in gets two on Barrett and we've got 3:00 left. Wade escapes White Noise and sends Sheamus' shoulder into the buckle. A pumphandle slam is escaped but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick. A kick to the ribs and one to the jaw get a VERY close two. Barret hits a middle rope elbow for two and we've got two minutes to go.
Sheamus escapes Wasteland and hits White Noise for no cover. He loads up the Brogue Kick but here are AJ/Dolph/Langston for a distraction. Winds of Change gets another near fall on Sheamus but we've only got 18 seconds left. Barrett loads up the forearm but charges into the Brogue Kick. The clock runs out though at 10:56 just as Sheamus covers giving Ziggler the win.
Ziggler and company celebrate in front of Vickie and she says Dolph gets to pick a number, but not any number. It's either #1 or #2. Ziggler is stunned.
We recap the Shield stuff again and cut to Heyman and Punk smiling in the back. They run into Vince who accuses them of sending Shield out to jump Rock. Vince says that if Shield gets involved on Sunday, there will be consequences. Heyman and Punk protest and point out how many other people Shield has attacked. Vince doesn't care and says that if Shield interfered, Punk is stripped. Of the title you sick freaks.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Tensai
Tensai takes the champion (non-title here of course) down to start and hits a pair of Vader Bombs before Del Rio comes back with a rana out of the corner and a German suplex. The enziguri in the corner sets up a mostly missed middle rope moonsault for the pin at 1:31.
We get the second inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame: BOB BACKLUND! Awesome choice there and his speech should be interesting to say the least.
Here's Cena to close the show. He talks about Sunday coming up and usually being a day of rest. Cena talks about people enjoying Sundays and talks to a kid in the crowd who probably plays video games on Sundays. He asks the kid to stop blocking him from getting to the next level on Black Ops 2. Cena mentions a goofy sounding user name before moving on to some chick who apparently enjoys a calm Sunday but winds up with a guy's phone number in the pocket. The guy happens to be over in the front row and sex jokes are made.
The point to all this rambling is that everyone does different stuff on Sunday and this particular Sunday is about the Royal Rumble where the winner goes to Wrestlemania. The Rumble is going to be a war and Cena says he'll win the Rumble. His music hits but it's only 10:58 so here's Sheamus to offer a rebuttal. He says he'll repeat what he did last year, but here are the Prime Time Players to say THEY'LL win. Before they can get that far though, Orton makes an appearance and says he's feeling deja vu.
Before he gets into that, Miz comes out to say his catchphrase but HELL NO comes out to say something as well. You know the real money in this company is making microphones. With them arguing, here's Cesaro to say HE is winning the Rumble. He dedicates his win to the USA but here are 3MB to say their usual stuff. The rest of the locker room comes out for the required huge brawl before the Rumble. Sheamus throws out about five people and the show ends in chaos.
Results
Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesar RKO
Big Show b. Zack Ryder WMD
Ryback b. Heath Slater Shell Shock
Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz Zig Zag
Kaitlyn b. Alicia Fox Spear
Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus went to a no contest
Alberto Del Rio b. Tensai - Moonsault
Tuesday
Smackdown got a 2.0.
Wednesday
Raw got a 3.0.
Take Two Studios has acquired WWE's video game license from THQ.
Kid Kash is gone from TNA.
NXT
Date: January 23, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: William Regal, Tony Dawson
On the 29th anniversary of the birth of modern wrestling, we're back in Florida for more NXT. After last week's transitional show we should be ready for something new tonight. Odds are Langston is going to get his next challenger tonight which should be interesting as he has no one else to fight at the moment. Let's get to it.
Shawn Michaels is in the ring to open the show. Fans: HBK! HBK! HBK! Shawn: Aw come on. The fans quiet down. Shawn: No don't stop! Anyway, Shawn is here and he's got two belts which are apparently the new NXT Tag Team Championships. Shawn says that there's a tournament starting tonight and the winners will be the stars of the future. He says that as a former tag team champion he knows what kind of a springboard these belts can be. Nice little cameo here that didn't take up much time at all and made things feel special.
Opening video.
NXT Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Wyatt Family vs. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson
It's Harper/Rowan here. Watson and Rowan start things off with Watson jumping WAY over Rowan's head in a leap frog and taking him down with a leg lariat. Off to Tatsu as Regal gives us an idea of the mentality behind being in a tag team. Rowan chops Tatsu into the corner and it's off to Harper to pound away in the corner.
Luke puts on a chinlock and circles around the ring at the same time to keep Yoshi disoriented. I don't think I've ever seen that before. A jawbreaker finally gets Tatsu out of trouble but it's off to Rowan to slam him down for two. Rowan cranks on the neck for a bit and here's Harper again, but he lets Yoshi crawl over and bring in Watson. Everything breaks down and Harper takes Watson's head off with a clothesline for the pin at 4:55.
Dusty is with Derrick Bateman and Alex Riley and offers them a tournament match against Kruger and Ohno. Corey Graves comes up to complain about not getting an NXT Title rematch and not being in the tournament. Riley gets in his face and Bateman hums a circus tune. The tag team leaves and Dusty makes it Graves vs. his former partner Jake Carter tonight. Graves says tell Carter that Carter is in his path to the title.
Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox
Alicia makes fun of Sasha for being tiny and having the nickname of Small Package. Fox sends her into the ropes but walks into a headscissors to take her down. Sasha sends her to the apron but gets popped in the face for two. A bridging northern lights suplex (called a fisherman's suplex in a rare mistake by Regal) gets two for Fox and we hit the chinlock. Sasha comes back with a monkey flip and an armdrag out of the corner, only to be caught in a wheelbarrow front slam for no cover. Fox picks her up for a slam but it's the Ricky Steamboat/Randy Savage small package pin for Banks at 3:23.
Video on Paige who is here to be a champion.
Some new blonde interviewer asks Aksana about her match next week with Paige. Aksana accuses Paige of stealing her look and says 2013 is her year.
Conor O'Brien says he's the true Ascension and he will rise.
Corey Graves vs. Jake Carter
Graves seems to get a face pop on his way to the ring. Carter grabs a headlock to start but gets shoved into the corner. That goes nowhere for Graves as Jake pounds away in the corner and the middle of the ring. Corey comes back with a suplex and into an arm trap chinlock which Regal says can be called a Gator Hold. Carter fight up and hits a clothesline for two but gets sent into the corner and chop blocked down. The 13th Step leg lock ends Carter at 3:09.
Post match Graves says that he's been screwed out of a rematch for the title and kept out of the title tournament because he's an outcast. As the savior of misbehavior (terrible name) he's declaring anarchy on NXT. Oh and if Riley sees him, stay down.
NXT Tag Team Title Tournament: 3MB vs. Oliver Grey/Adrian Neville
It's Slater and McIntyre here. We start with Drew vs. Neville with Drew taking him down to the mat with ease. Off to a chinlock by McIntyre which is eventually countered by a headscissors but Drew is able to tag in Slater. Heath immediately lets Neville backflip out of a hold and bring in Grey for the first time. Off to an armbar on Slater followed by a dropkick to send Slater to the outside.
The Brits cause some heel miscommunication before Neville dives on McIntyre on the floor. We take a break and come back with Drew getting two on Grey. A clothesline gets two on Grey and it's back to Slater for a superkick for two of his own. Slater hooks a chinlock as we hear about Grey being a lumberjack. Oliver quickly escapes and brings in Adrian who starts flipping around as fast as he can. After kicking Slater in the face, the now legal McIntyre gets caught with that corkscrew shooting star for the pin by Neville at 6:26 shown of 9:56.
Big E. Langston vs. Axl Keegan
Non-title here. I love the look of glee on Langston's face during his entrance and the kind of dance he does with the powder on his hands. We hear about Langston's association with Ziggler but the fans don't seem to mind at all. Langston literally runs him over and wins with the Big Ending at 56 seconds.
Langston loads up the second Big Ending when Conor O'Brien pops up on screen. He says that in two weeks there will be an awakening. Langston should be there so O'Brien can show him what he thinks of the five count. After an evil laugh from Conor, Big E. hits the Big Ending anyway. A third Big Ending and another five count end the show.
Results
Wyatt Family b. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson Clothesline to Watson
Sasha Banks b. Alicia Fox Small Package
Corey Graves b. Jake Carter 13th Step
Oliver Grey/Adrian Neville b. 3MB Corkscrew Shooting Star Press to McIntyre
Big E. Langston b. Axl Keegan Big Ending
Thursday
WWE is looking to get rid of the ideas of brands on house shows while still having two tours at once.
Impact Wrestling
Date: January 24, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz
So the wedding was last week and as most weddings do, it drew a good audience. The main surprise from last week's events though was that Tazz was introduced as the newest member of Aces and 8's. While shocking, it doesn't address the main issues the team has. Kennedy is their biggest star I guess, but that doesn't really make them intimidating. This stable is almost eight months old. Don't you think it's time we got a bit more out of them? Oh and Hardy defends against Daniels tonight. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap from last week.
Keneley and Tenay are disturbed by Tazz's actions.
There's kind of an opening sequence now.
Here are Aces and 8's to open things up with Tazz leading the way. Tazz immediately gives us more about the team than we've gotten in the time they've been around: they're out for revenge and redemption and they have a higher power. Last week was the wedding and there was a chance to step on the Hogans' faces. They were just another victim and nothing more. As for Dixie Carter, Tazz signed a contract that says if anyone puts a hand on him that says he'll make a fortune. Fast promo here.
Jesse hypes up Tara while bragging about himself.
Video on Daniels being around since the dawn of TNA.
Daniels says this is a turning point for his career tonight.
Tazz is back on commentary.
Knockouts Title: Tara vs. Velvet Sky
Velvet is back in the **** outfit instead of the catsuit which is a downgrade for me. Tara poses as the bell rings so Velvet grabs a quick rollup for two. Tara fights her back but stops to pose again and gets kicked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Tara in control as Tazz won't answer questions about why he turned because it's club business. Translation: it isn't important enough/the writers haven't figured out the answer yet.
The shaky moonsault gets two for Tara but she goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down accordingly. Velvet comes back with a headscissors and a spinning faceplant but Jesse has the referee's attention. Tara knocks Jesse down and a rollup gets two for Velvet. Sky loads up a suplex but Jesse hooks her foot ala Bobby Heenan and Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania 5 to give Tara the win at 9:42.
Open Fight Night is back next week.
Sting has something to say later on.
Kenny King talks to himself in the mirror when Zema Ion comes up to talk strategy. Tension is teased and I can't bring myself to be interested.
Here's Joseph Park to say that his place is here on Impact instead of in the courtroom. He never got that win though, or that W as the boys call it. He's here to be the best he can be and holds up a passport, saying he'll be here next week in Manchester to compete in Open Fight Night. He doesn't know who he's facing but he's going to spend the week watching film. Next week he'll deliver his verdict and then hold his own court and get that W.
Zema Ion/Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam/Christian York
York and Ion start things off as Tazz talks about which of these guys would be a good addition to the team. Off to Van Dam who goes after King on the apron and gets in trouble for his efforts. King comes in legally and hits a nice snap suplex for two. Back to Ion for his usual lame stuff as we hear about Bellator for the 100th time in two weeks.
Ion misses a 450 and everything breaks down. Rob loads up the split legged moonsault on Zema but King crotches him, only to get elbowed back down. Rob gets kicked off the top and Ion tags himself in. A tornado DDT is countered but King hits a springboard Blockbuster to give Ion the pin at 5:09.
Tazz leaves to take a phone call.
Bully and Brooke (embracing the ****e look) arrive and will do their talking in the ring.
Joe tells Garrett and Wes that they can't suck up to him like they do to Angle. Kurt pops up and says he's still hurt but he can fight.
We recap the wedding. Again.
Here are Bully and Brooke to the ring. Bully says that he expected this from D-Von but not Tazz. Last week Aces and 8's hurt Sting who is the only person that has trusted Ray. They also hurt Hogan who it took forever to get to accept Ray, but more importantly they hurt Brooke. Ray tells Aces and 8's to sleep with their eyes open until he takes care of all of them. However he needs the absent Hulk to lift his suspension to do that. Cue Sting who begs Hulk to take this all the way like he does with everything else. He believes that Hogan will do the right thing next week in Manchester.
Aries and Roode praise each other to try to get out of a match with Hernandez. Aries: You were the longest reigning champion ever. Roode: Then you beat me. Aries: Well yeah but... Eventually Roode is tricked into taking the match because he's the power guy and Aries should clean up. Roode is confused but Aries leaves before Bobby can complain.
Video on Hardy before Hardy says (out loud!) that he'll win.
Hernandez vs. Bobby Roode
Roode tries to pound away a bit but gets backdropped for his efforts. Tenay thinks Roode is a better singles wrestler than Hernandez. The PROFESSOR ladies and gentlemen. There's the delayed vertical suplex to Roode but he immediately comes back with a guillotine on the top rope. Tazz says he could see either of these guys joining Aces and 8's in the future. Roode hooks a chinlock but SuperMex fights out of it and hits the slingshot shoulder to take over.
There's the corner splash and the over the shoulder backbreaker for no cover. Roode comes back with a chop but gets sent to the floor. Hernandez loads up a dive but Aries runs out for the save. He and Chavo get in a fight on the floor as Roode hits a bulldog on Hernandez for the clean pin at 5:41.
Here's Angle to say that next week he's calling out Anderson on Open Fight Night. Cue Anderson in full Aces and 8's gear to say that he wants to fight right now. After the brawl erupts, Angle clears the ring and says that it's going to be in a cage next week.
Post break Anderson is panicking over the cage match but D-Von says drink beer and calm down. He has a plan apparently.
TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Daniels
Daniels is challenging here and literally dances to the ring. Tazz predicts that Hardy is going to have trouble in the year 2013. Feeling out process to start with Hardy taking over, only to miss a charge in the corner and fall to the floor. Kaz comes in to celebrate and we take a break. Back with Daniels hitting a clothesline and choking away on Hardy for a bit. A modified neckbreaker hits for two on Hardy and it's off to the chinlock.
Hardy comes back with a clothesline and speeds things way up before getting two off the mule kick. A middle rope splash gets two but Hardy jumps into a Death Valley Driver for two. Daniels busts out the Koji Clutch which we haven't seen in years and that no one seems to know the name of. Christopher loads up something like a superplex but gets caught in the front suplex from the top for two. The Twist is countered into the Angel's Wings for two but the BME and Swanton both miss, the latter of which gives Hardy two. Hardy counters Angel's Wings into a rana and it's double Twist and Swanton to retain at 14:10.
Post match Tazz distracts Hardy and a masked biker hits Jeff in the knee with a hammer to end the show.
Results
Tara b. Velvet Sky Tara pinned Sky after Jesse tripped her
Zema Ion/Kenny King b. Rob Van Dam/Christian York Ion pinned York after a springboard Blockbuster from King
Bobby Roode b. Hernandez Bulldog
Jeff Hardy b. Christopher Daniels Swanton Bomb
Monday Night Raw
Date: January 21, 2013
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
It's the go home show for the Rumble and most of the card is set. My guess is that the Rock will be in the building tonight to further the feud with Punk. Other than that you can expect to see the big deal at the end of the show where everyone is thrown to the floor with one person left standing. Other than that there isn't likely to be anything new tonight. Let's get to it.
The Martin Luther King Day video opens things up. Vince never misses this one.
Here are Heyman and Vickie to open the show. Vickie says that it's her job to make sure everyone has the best time they can at her show. That means she has to do things that are unpopular at times, which includes when it involves The Rock. Heyman says last week Rock insulted him as well as Vickie, who he sucks up to.
We get a clip from the Rock Concert last week with Rock making fun of both of them and Vickie says that if Rock tries to get in here tonight, he'll be arrested. We're told that Rock is being stopped from getting in by cops so we cut to the back where Rock cuts a promo on the three cops.
Rock says that instead of arresting him, one should arrest Punk for impersonating a champion, because unlike Manti Te'o who had an imaginary girlfriend, Punk has an imaginary nutsack. Heyman should be arrested for going out without a bra and Vickie should be asked what her insides look like, because her own head is buried inside of her. Rock tries to talk his way into the arena but Vickie says he's not getting in, if you smell what the Vick is cooking.
Tonight there's a Beat the Clock Challenge and whoever wins gets to pick their number in the Rumble. The idea is that there will be three matches: whoever wins his fastest gets to pick their Rumble spot.
Beat The Clock Challenge: Randy Orton vs. Antonio Cesaro
Both guys try quick rollups with Cesaro grabbing a headlock to take it to the mat instead. Antonio has the American flag trunks on now as he continues to embrace America. Orton comes back with a Thesz Press but shifts to another cover instead of using the cover that the Press is by definition. Orton punches him down for two and we take a break. Back with Cesaro putting Randy on the top turnbuckle but Orton blocks a superplex and knocks Antonio to the outside.
Orton gets pulled down as well as the clock continues to tick. The gutwrench suplex gets a pair of two's and we hit a chinlock in a match that is designed to be won as quickly as possible. A slam gets two more for Cesaro as does a double stomp as we hit nine minutes. Back to the chinlock for a bit until Orton fights up and does all of his usual stuff. Cesaro counters the Elevated DDT into a jackknife cover for two and the European uppercut gets the same. Orton is sent shoulder first into the post and falls to the floor as we're past eleven minutes now. Cesaro comes back in and walks into the RKO for the pin at 11:36.
Foley Hall of Fame video.
Shield video/promo talking about how they've taken out a lot of people and they're just getting started.
Big Show vs. Zack Ryder
Brad Maddox jumps in on commentary to further annoy us. WMD ends this in 46 seconds.
Show talks about his second Last Man Standing match with Del Rio at the Rumble. He stands on Ryder's chest and counts to ten.
Post break Maddox goes to see Heyman again and Heyman actually agrees to help make him famous. Ok then.
Ryback vs. Heath Slater
Back to basics for Ryback here as he mauls Heath and beats up the cohorts before finishing with Shell Shock at 1:11.
Ryback says his job is fun and on Sunday he's in his first Royal Rumble. He's made for this kind of match and it's going to lead him to the main event of Wrestlemania.
Rock is still trying to talk his way around the cops. He says the cops are here to serve the people, not to protect Vickie Guerrero. Rock talks about what an experience it is to see Rock's entrance and the fans start chanting his name. One of the cop says he had tickets for tonight and his wife and kid are in the crowd. Rock sees an opening and Vickie comes in to say arrest him.
The cops say Rock isn't breaking any laws but apparently Vickie has the power to have them suspended from the police force. Punk is up next so Vickie offers Rock a chance to get in if he'll apologize and make it good. Rock says he's getting in but on his terms, not hers. The other problem is that Vickie still looks horrible tonight. Vickie shoves the cops away and leaves. Rock tells the cops he has an idea.
Here are Punk and Heyman for their weekly talk session. Punk says that he's been champion 428 days and he's going to be champion this time next week. He's looked into the eyes of the Rock and knows that Rock isn't a champion inside his heart. A long time ago Punk chose honest arrogance while Rock picked all of the people. Rock may be the Brahma Bull and the Great One but he can't call himself champion. Punk is the man and in six days, Rock is on a collision course with him.
Beat The Clock Challenge: The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler
AJ is looking GREAT tonight. The clock is set at 11:36 so Miz tries for two fast pins but can only get two. They trade pinfall reversals until Ziggler hits a decent dropkick for two. A neckbreaker gets another two on Miz and it's chinlock time. Miz takes Ziggler down and pounds away as we're under nine minutes. A kick/knee to the face takes Ziggler down and there's a chop block to set up the Figure Four. That gets countered because Miz isn't Flair and Miz is sent to the floor. Langston sends him into the apron which gets two for Ziggler back inside.
We take a break and come back with four minutes left on the clock and Ziggler holding a chinlock. Miz fights up and hits a sunset flip and big boot for two each. Miz goes off on Ziggler in the corner and pounds away before hitting the running clothesline and the top rope ax handle for two. 2:30 left. The Finale is countered into a rollup by Ziggler which is countered into a rollup with trunks for two for Miz.
Ziggler hits the jumping DDT for two and we're under 2:00. Miz picks the leg and COMPLETELY screws up the Figure Four but an AJ distraction lets Langston pull them to the ropes. Under a minute left and Miz has to avoid a Langston distraction, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:56.
It's time for HELL NO's anger management graduation. Dr. Shelby is running things and apparently his first name is Marion. Apparently they're his first graduates. This comes complete with caps and gowns, Pomp and Circumstance, and diplomas. Bryan has his hair slicked back and they put their hats on in the ring. They officially graduate and as a final exercise, they have to pick who is valedictorian. Kane says Bryan and Bryan says NO.
Kane says Bryan has never had a problem with shutting his mouth before and an argument breaks out. Shelby snaps and asks them if a hug would make them feel better. The Dr. has an idea: what if EVERYONE hugged at the same time? Kane asks about Lawler and Cole and Shelby says yes them too. Lawler finally does it and now Bryan wants the physician and Justin Roberts to hug. Kane wants three fans to hug. They both tell random fans to hug and then everyone has to hug at once. A jumping group hug ends this.
Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox
Kaitlyn takes it to the floor quickly and pounds away as Tamina is looking on in the back. They head inside again and Alicia grabs a quick chinlock. That's the extent of her offense as Kaitlyn spears her down for the pin at 2:05.
Heyman has secured a sky box for Punk to watch the next segment from. He calls it a Paul Bomb for the Rock.
Here's Heyman to the ring to act as an interpreter for Punk since most of what he said likely went over the heads of most of the fans. The people seem to think that it's a foregone conclusion that Punk is losing the title on Sunday because Vince is desperate for someone to defeat Punk for the title. Rock is the flavor of the month this time because Rock should be focusing on Punk but instead he's singing songs about Heyman and Vickie. This means that Rock is stupid....and he's also apparently coming to the arena.
He holds up the ticket that presumably the cop had for himself and Heyman bails. Rock thanks the cop for the ticket so Heyman correctly points out that the ticket doesn't allow Rock to get in the ring. Shut your mouth Twinkie Tits. Rock looks up at Punk in the box and says that on Sunday he's winning the title. What it all boils down to is that Rock is going to rip Punk's face off and there's nothing Punk can do about it.
Rock invokes Martin Luther King and says that Rock is going to whip Punk all over the place. Next Monday, everyone from Bangkok to Brazil and all the way back around to San Jose is going to say free at last free at last, thank God almighty we are free at last from CM Punk as WWE Champion. Rock finishes it up and there go the lights. They come back up and SHIELD IS ON THE ROCK! They hit the Triple Bomb and leave Rock laying. Punk says that Rock may have a dream, but at some point you have to wake up. Rock is bleeding from the mouth.
We get a video on Martin Luther King. Dang they're really proud of him tonight aren't they?
Beat The Clock Challenge: Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus
The time to beat is 10:56. They slug it out to start and Sheamus gets two off a Regal Roll. Ziggler is watching in the back. Barrett rolls to the apron where he guillotines Sheamus to slow him up. Back inside and Barrett clotheslines Sheamus to the floor as we take a break. Back with five minutes left and Barrett kicking Shemus in the ribs. Off to an armbar on Sheamus before Sheamus comes back with running ax handles and a knee lift.
We're under 4:00 to go and Barrett is dumped to the apron for the ten forearms. A suplex back in gets two on Barrett and we've got 3:00 left. Wade escapes White Noise and sends Sheamus' shoulder into the buckle. A pumphandle slam is escaped but Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick. A kick to the ribs and one to the jaw get a VERY close two. Barret hits a middle rope elbow for two and we've got two minutes to go.
Sheamus escapes Wasteland and hits White Noise for no cover. He loads up the Brogue Kick but here are AJ/Dolph/Langston for a distraction. Winds of Change gets another near fall on Sheamus but we've only got 18 seconds left. Barrett loads up the forearm but charges into the Brogue Kick. The clock runs out though at 10:56 just as Sheamus covers giving Ziggler the win.
Ziggler and company celebrate in front of Vickie and she says Dolph gets to pick a number, but not any number. It's either #1 or #2. Ziggler is stunned.
We recap the Shield stuff again and cut to Heyman and Punk smiling in the back. They run into Vince who accuses them of sending Shield out to jump Rock. Vince says that if Shield gets involved on Sunday, there will be consequences. Heyman and Punk protest and point out how many other people Shield has attacked. Vince doesn't care and says that if Shield interfered, Punk is stripped. Of the title you sick freaks.
Alberto Del Rio vs. Tensai
Tensai takes the champion (non-title here of course) down to start and hits a pair of Vader Bombs before Del Rio comes back with a rana out of the corner and a German suplex. The enziguri in the corner sets up a mostly missed middle rope moonsault for the pin at 1:31.
We get the second inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame: BOB BACKLUND! Awesome choice there and his speech should be interesting to say the least.
Here's Cena to close the show. He talks about Sunday coming up and usually being a day of rest. Cena talks about people enjoying Sundays and talks to a kid in the crowd who probably plays video games on Sundays. He asks the kid to stop blocking him from getting to the next level on Black Ops 2. Cena mentions a goofy sounding user name before moving on to some chick who apparently enjoys a calm Sunday but winds up with a guy's phone number in the pocket. The guy happens to be over in the front row and sex jokes are made.
The point to all this rambling is that everyone does different stuff on Sunday and this particular Sunday is about the Royal Rumble where the winner goes to Wrestlemania. The Rumble is going to be a war and Cena says he'll win the Rumble. His music hits but it's only 10:58 so here's Sheamus to offer a rebuttal. He says he'll repeat what he did last year, but here are the Prime Time Players to say THEY'LL win. Before they can get that far though, Orton makes an appearance and says he's feeling deja vu.
Before he gets into that, Miz comes out to say his catchphrase but HELL NO comes out to say something as well. You know the real money in this company is making microphones. With them arguing, here's Cesaro to say HE is winning the Rumble. He dedicates his win to the USA but here are 3MB to say their usual stuff. The rest of the locker room comes out for the required huge brawl before the Rumble. Sheamus throws out about five people and the show ends in chaos.
Results
Randy Orton b. Antonio Cesar RKO
Big Show b. Zack Ryder WMD
Ryback b. Heath Slater Shell Shock
Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz Zig Zag
Kaitlyn b. Alicia Fox Spear
Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus went to a no contest
Alberto Del Rio b. Tensai - Moonsault
Tuesday
Smackdown got a 2.0.
Wednesday
Raw got a 3.0.
Take Two Studios has acquired WWE's video game license from THQ.
Kid Kash is gone from TNA.
NXT
Date: January 23, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: William Regal, Tony Dawson
On the 29th anniversary of the birth of modern wrestling, we're back in Florida for more NXT. After last week's transitional show we should be ready for something new tonight. Odds are Langston is going to get his next challenger tonight which should be interesting as he has no one else to fight at the moment. Let's get to it.
Shawn Michaels is in the ring to open the show. Fans: HBK! HBK! HBK! Shawn: Aw come on. The fans quiet down. Shawn: No don't stop! Anyway, Shawn is here and he's got two belts which are apparently the new NXT Tag Team Championships. Shawn says that there's a tournament starting tonight and the winners will be the stars of the future. He says that as a former tag team champion he knows what kind of a springboard these belts can be. Nice little cameo here that didn't take up much time at all and made things feel special.
Opening video.
NXT Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Wyatt Family vs. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson
It's Harper/Rowan here. Watson and Rowan start things off with Watson jumping WAY over Rowan's head in a leap frog and taking him down with a leg lariat. Off to Tatsu as Regal gives us an idea of the mentality behind being in a tag team. Rowan chops Tatsu into the corner and it's off to Harper to pound away in the corner.
Luke puts on a chinlock and circles around the ring at the same time to keep Yoshi disoriented. I don't think I've ever seen that before. A jawbreaker finally gets Tatsu out of trouble but it's off to Rowan to slam him down for two. Rowan cranks on the neck for a bit and here's Harper again, but he lets Yoshi crawl over and bring in Watson. Everything breaks down and Harper takes Watson's head off with a clothesline for the pin at 4:55.
Dusty is with Derrick Bateman and Alex Riley and offers them a tournament match against Kruger and Ohno. Corey Graves comes up to complain about not getting an NXT Title rematch and not being in the tournament. Riley gets in his face and Bateman hums a circus tune. The tag team leaves and Dusty makes it Graves vs. his former partner Jake Carter tonight. Graves says tell Carter that Carter is in his path to the title.
Sasha Banks vs. Alicia Fox
Alicia makes fun of Sasha for being tiny and having the nickname of Small Package. Fox sends her into the ropes but walks into a headscissors to take her down. Sasha sends her to the apron but gets popped in the face for two. A bridging northern lights suplex (called a fisherman's suplex in a rare mistake by Regal) gets two for Fox and we hit the chinlock. Sasha comes back with a monkey flip and an armdrag out of the corner, only to be caught in a wheelbarrow front slam for no cover. Fox picks her up for a slam but it's the Ricky Steamboat/Randy Savage small package pin for Banks at 3:23.
Video on Paige who is here to be a champion.
Some new blonde interviewer asks Aksana about her match next week with Paige. Aksana accuses Paige of stealing her look and says 2013 is her year.
Conor O'Brien says he's the true Ascension and he will rise.
Corey Graves vs. Jake Carter
Graves seems to get a face pop on his way to the ring. Carter grabs a headlock to start but gets shoved into the corner. That goes nowhere for Graves as Jake pounds away in the corner and the middle of the ring. Corey comes back with a suplex and into an arm trap chinlock which Regal says can be called a Gator Hold. Carter fight up and hits a clothesline for two but gets sent into the corner and chop blocked down. The 13th Step leg lock ends Carter at 3:09.
Post match Graves says that he's been screwed out of a rematch for the title and kept out of the title tournament because he's an outcast. As the savior of misbehavior (terrible name) he's declaring anarchy on NXT. Oh and if Riley sees him, stay down.
NXT Tag Team Title Tournament: 3MB vs. Oliver Grey/Adrian Neville
It's Slater and McIntyre here. We start with Drew vs. Neville with Drew taking him down to the mat with ease. Off to a chinlock by McIntyre which is eventually countered by a headscissors but Drew is able to tag in Slater. Heath immediately lets Neville backflip out of a hold and bring in Grey for the first time. Off to an armbar on Slater followed by a dropkick to send Slater to the outside.
The Brits cause some heel miscommunication before Neville dives on McIntyre on the floor. We take a break and come back with Drew getting two on Grey. A clothesline gets two on Grey and it's back to Slater for a superkick for two of his own. Slater hooks a chinlock as we hear about Grey being a lumberjack. Oliver quickly escapes and brings in Adrian who starts flipping around as fast as he can. After kicking Slater in the face, the now legal McIntyre gets caught with that corkscrew shooting star for the pin by Neville at 6:26 shown of 9:56.
Big E. Langston vs. Axl Keegan
Non-title here. I love the look of glee on Langston's face during his entrance and the kind of dance he does with the powder on his hands. We hear about Langston's association with Ziggler but the fans don't seem to mind at all. Langston literally runs him over and wins with the Big Ending at 56 seconds.
Langston loads up the second Big Ending when Conor O'Brien pops up on screen. He says that in two weeks there will be an awakening. Langston should be there so O'Brien can show him what he thinks of the five count. After an evil laugh from Conor, Big E. hits the Big Ending anyway. A third Big Ending and another five count end the show.
Results
Wyatt Family b. Yoshi Tatsu/Percy Watson Clothesline to Watson
Sasha Banks b. Alicia Fox Small Package
Corey Graves b. Jake Carter 13th Step
Oliver Grey/Adrian Neville b. 3MB Corkscrew Shooting Star Press to McIntyre
Big E. Langston b. Axl Keegan Big Ending
Thursday
WWE is looking to get rid of the ideas of brands on house shows while still having two tours at once.
Impact Wrestling
Date: January 24, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz
So the wedding was last week and as most weddings do, it drew a good audience. The main surprise from last week's events though was that Tazz was introduced as the newest member of Aces and 8's. While shocking, it doesn't address the main issues the team has. Kennedy is their biggest star I guess, but that doesn't really make them intimidating. This stable is almost eight months old. Don't you think it's time we got a bit more out of them? Oh and Hardy defends against Daniels tonight. Let's get to it.
We open with a long recap from last week.
Keneley and Tenay are disturbed by Tazz's actions.
There's kind of an opening sequence now.
Here are Aces and 8's to open things up with Tazz leading the way. Tazz immediately gives us more about the team than we've gotten in the time they've been around: they're out for revenge and redemption and they have a higher power. Last week was the wedding and there was a chance to step on the Hogans' faces. They were just another victim and nothing more. As for Dixie Carter, Tazz signed a contract that says if anyone puts a hand on him that says he'll make a fortune. Fast promo here.
Jesse hypes up Tara while bragging about himself.
Video on Daniels being around since the dawn of TNA.
Daniels says this is a turning point for his career tonight.
Tazz is back on commentary.
Knockouts Title: Tara vs. Velvet Sky
Velvet is back in the **** outfit instead of the catsuit which is a downgrade for me. Tara poses as the bell rings so Velvet grabs a quick rollup for two. Tara fights her back but stops to pose again and gets kicked out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Tara in control as Tazz won't answer questions about why he turned because it's club business. Translation: it isn't important enough/the writers haven't figured out the answer yet.
The shaky moonsault gets two for Tara but she goes up top for no apparent reason and gets slammed down accordingly. Velvet comes back with a headscissors and a spinning faceplant but Jesse has the referee's attention. Tara knocks Jesse down and a rollup gets two for Velvet. Sky loads up a suplex but Jesse hooks her foot ala Bobby Heenan and Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania 5 to give Tara the win at 9:42.
Open Fight Night is back next week.
Sting has something to say later on.
Kenny King talks to himself in the mirror when Zema Ion comes up to talk strategy. Tension is teased and I can't bring myself to be interested.
Here's Joseph Park to say that his place is here on Impact instead of in the courtroom. He never got that win though, or that W as the boys call it. He's here to be the best he can be and holds up a passport, saying he'll be here next week in Manchester to compete in Open Fight Night. He doesn't know who he's facing but he's going to spend the week watching film. Next week he'll deliver his verdict and then hold his own court and get that W.
Zema Ion/Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam/Christian York
York and Ion start things off as Tazz talks about which of these guys would be a good addition to the team. Off to Van Dam who goes after King on the apron and gets in trouble for his efforts. King comes in legally and hits a nice snap suplex for two. Back to Ion for his usual lame stuff as we hear about Bellator for the 100th time in two weeks.
Ion misses a 450 and everything breaks down. Rob loads up the split legged moonsault on Zema but King crotches him, only to get elbowed back down. Rob gets kicked off the top and Ion tags himself in. A tornado DDT is countered but King hits a springboard Blockbuster to give Ion the pin at 5:09.
Tazz leaves to take a phone call.
Bully and Brooke (embracing the ****e look) arrive and will do their talking in the ring.
Joe tells Garrett and Wes that they can't suck up to him like they do to Angle. Kurt pops up and says he's still hurt but he can fight.
We recap the wedding. Again.
Here are Bully and Brooke to the ring. Bully says that he expected this from D-Von but not Tazz. Last week Aces and 8's hurt Sting who is the only person that has trusted Ray. They also hurt Hogan who it took forever to get to accept Ray, but more importantly they hurt Brooke. Ray tells Aces and 8's to sleep with their eyes open until he takes care of all of them. However he needs the absent Hulk to lift his suspension to do that. Cue Sting who begs Hulk to take this all the way like he does with everything else. He believes that Hogan will do the right thing next week in Manchester.
Aries and Roode praise each other to try to get out of a match with Hernandez. Aries: You were the longest reigning champion ever. Roode: Then you beat me. Aries: Well yeah but... Eventually Roode is tricked into taking the match because he's the power guy and Aries should clean up. Roode is confused but Aries leaves before Bobby can complain.
Video on Hardy before Hardy says (out loud!) that he'll win.
Hernandez vs. Bobby Roode
Roode tries to pound away a bit but gets backdropped for his efforts. Tenay thinks Roode is a better singles wrestler than Hernandez. The PROFESSOR ladies and gentlemen. There's the delayed vertical suplex to Roode but he immediately comes back with a guillotine on the top rope. Tazz says he could see either of these guys joining Aces and 8's in the future. Roode hooks a chinlock but SuperMex fights out of it and hits the slingshot shoulder to take over.
There's the corner splash and the over the shoulder backbreaker for no cover. Roode comes back with a chop but gets sent to the floor. Hernandez loads up a dive but Aries runs out for the save. He and Chavo get in a fight on the floor as Roode hits a bulldog on Hernandez for the clean pin at 5:41.
Here's Angle to say that next week he's calling out Anderson on Open Fight Night. Cue Anderson in full Aces and 8's gear to say that he wants to fight right now. After the brawl erupts, Angle clears the ring and says that it's going to be in a cage next week.
Post break Anderson is panicking over the cage match but D-Von says drink beer and calm down. He has a plan apparently.
TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Christopher Daniels
Daniels is challenging here and literally dances to the ring. Tazz predicts that Hardy is going to have trouble in the year 2013. Feeling out process to start with Hardy taking over, only to miss a charge in the corner and fall to the floor. Kaz comes in to celebrate and we take a break. Back with Daniels hitting a clothesline and choking away on Hardy for a bit. A modified neckbreaker hits for two on Hardy and it's off to the chinlock.
Hardy comes back with a clothesline and speeds things way up before getting two off the mule kick. A middle rope splash gets two but Hardy jumps into a Death Valley Driver for two. Daniels busts out the Koji Clutch which we haven't seen in years and that no one seems to know the name of. Christopher loads up something like a superplex but gets caught in the front suplex from the top for two. The Twist is countered into the Angel's Wings for two but the BME and Swanton both miss, the latter of which gives Hardy two. Hardy counters Angel's Wings into a rana and it's double Twist and Swanton to retain at 14:10.
Post match Tazz distracts Hardy and a masked biker hits Jeff in the knee with a hammer to end the show.
Results
Tara b. Velvet Sky Tara pinned Sky after Jesse tripped her
Zema Ion/Kenny King b. Rob Van Dam/Christian York Ion pinned York after a springboard Blockbuster from King
Bobby Roode b. Hernandez Bulldog
Jeff Hardy b. Christopher Daniels Swanton Bomb