klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Monday
Smackdown got a 2.0, down slightly from last week. The NCAA Tournament took away some viewers despite Rock appearing. The fact that WWE didn't promote Rock of course has nothing to do with this, right?
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 1, 2013
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield
It's finally the go home show for Wrestlemania which means we're likely in for a slow evening tonight. These shows tend to be mainly talking with little action, as most of the wrestlers don't want to risk injuries before the biggest night of the year. These shows don't tend to do much, but to be fair most of the show on Sunday is already set in stone. Let's get to it.
The opening video is about the three main events for the PPV and how all six guys will be around tonight to hype up Wrestlemania.
Here's Cena to open the show. As the crowd is split, Cena talks about how this is a house divided. Just like in Washington DC politics, we have Cenacrats and Rockpublicans here tonight. Cena says that a year ago he would have come out here and made a stupid joke while Rock would have thrown Cena's shirt in a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. This time the match is serious because Rock has done everything he's ever set out to do. Therefore, Cena winning is impossible right? Just like Cena winning the Rumble and Cena beating Punk to go to Wrestlemania were impossible tasks right?
This Sunday is going to be different because Rock has already stuck his foot in his mouth. Cena had to put up with Rock establishing a new era in the WWE, but on Sunday in Rock's first defense he's losing his own era. However, Cena will continue the People's Era after the mighty Rock experiences failure. Cena isn't going to replace the WWE Championship when he wins it because he wants to hold it as a symbol. The fans chant boring for some reason. Cena says he's going to get the title back and the champ will be here.
We stop for Lawler to make a Tout about who is going to win the match between Rock and Cena on Sunday. Lawler picks Rock.
3MB vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show
Orton and Slater start things off with Sheamus quickly coming in to work on Heath as well. Off to McIntyre who gets punched in the face and powerslammed down for no cover. 3MB finally uses their numbers to take Sheamus down in the corner but Slater walks into the Irish Curse. Hot tag brings in Show as everything breaks down. The brogue Kick puts Drew down and the WMD ends Mahal at 3:05.
Shield comes down the aisle but stops halfway through. Ambrose congratulates them for such a big win. Rollins says Orton and company are only convincing themselves that they're on the same page. Justice never lies and Shield knows the truth. That truth is that they're not looking at a team but the people don't believe in them. Once Sunday is over, the world will believe in the Shield.
Colter and Swagger were in Washington D.C. earlier today to talk about how America was broken. Swagger is the man to fix this because he'll take care of the illegal immigrants and get them back to where they came from. He'll start that at Wrestlemania by breaking the champion's ankle as well as his spirit.
Del Rio says that America is a land of opportunity and Swagger has the right to free speech. If Del Rio doesn't like what Swagger is saying, he can do something about it. Tonight it's Del Rio vs. Colter and Zeb is a pinata with a mustache.
Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler grabs an armbar to start as AJ looks like her usual psycho self. Bryan fights back and catches Ziggler in a kind of spinebuster to send him into the corner. Bryan fires off some kicks to a kneeling Dolph and does his moonsault out of the corner. A clothesline puts Ziggler down but he makes the ropes before the NO Lock. Ziggler goes after the knee to take over before sending Bryan into the corner. A charge misses though and Bryan puts Ziggler in an old school Tarantula but has to stop to stare at Langston. Ziggler hits a quick Fameasser for two and we take a break.
Back with Bryan kicking Ziggler in the face out of the corner before firing off some NO kicks to Ziggler's shoulder and chest. Dolph misses a charge in the corner and Bryan fires off more kicks. A hard kick to the head looks to set up a Swan Dive but Bryan only hits mat. Both guys try cross bodies and crash to the mat as AJ starts skipping around Kane. The distraction lets Langston run over Kane and that distraction lets Ziggler roll up Bryan for the pin at 11:00.
Post match Langston lays out the tag champions.
Here's Shawn Michaels who says you can't have Raw without him. Shawn lists off the major matches before getting around to HHH vs. Brock. He has some doubts about something but here's HHH to interrupt. HHH says he knows what he's doing but Shawn says he doesn't think so. Shawn thinks the situations the two of them in were very different.
When Shawn's career was on the line, Shawn looked at someone he had great respect for and that respect was mutual. When Shawn lost, he was heartbroken but Undertaker was just as heartbroken. Undertaker never came out here and bragged because Taker cares about Shawn that much. Brock on the other hand respects no one and HHH doesn't respect him either.
Lesnar is here for the money, but the two of them are here for love of the sport. HHH loves it more than Shawn though because it's HHH's life. HHH says Shawn can't talk him out of it, but that's not Michaels' point. Shawn is here to tell HHH that he HAS to do this. He's going to be in HHH's corner but before they can do the catchphrase, here are Brock and Heyman. Heyman says Brock has two words for HHH but doesn't say what they are yet.
HHH is going to have to live with the disappointment of the McMahons because he won't be able to fight Vince's battles anymore. He's used to disappointing his wife and he's going to disappoint Shawn too. Brock might break Shawn's arm again because that's what Lesnar does. HHH should have walked away like Shawn did because now he's going to have to crawl away. Lesnar has forced HHH to commit professional suicide.
Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder
Miz is on commentary and will meet Barrett for the title on the preshow. Barrett kicks him in the ribs to start and gets two off a fast suplex. Ryder goes up top but is pulled down for another two count and Wade drops an elbow. A big boot puts Ryder on the floor but Barrett stops to jaw with Miz. Back in and Ryder hits a flapjack and some hard forearms to the head. The Broski Boot gets two but Barrett blocks the knees in the corner. The Bull Hammer ends Ryder at 3:46.
Santino tells Vickie and Brad Maddox that Vince is here and he's MAD. Oh and April Fool's. Santino gets a match as punishment.
Santino Marella vs. Mark Henry
Santino fires off some kicks and goes right for the Cobra, only to be run over by Henry. World's Strongest Slam and we're done in 52 seconds.
Post match here's Ryback but Henry says hang on a second. Henry says that nearly breaking a bench press record doesn't give Ryback the right to intimidate Henry. Besides, they have a no contact clause. Tonight, all Henry is going to do is smile. Ryback responds by picking up Santino and ramming him into Henry. Mark is knocked to the floor, so Santino picks Santino up and throws him onto Henry.
Punk says he doesn't care if he's disrespecting the memory of Paul Bearer. He's trying to get inside Undertaker's head so he can win. Punk says that on Sunday, the only thing people are going to remember is Undertaker losing.
Zeb Colter vs. Alberto Del Rio
Swagger goes after Ricardo and the distraction lets Colter hit Del Rio in the back with a crutch for the DQ at 50 seconds.
Post match Swagger takes out the champion's knee and beats on him with the crutch.
Here's Rock with something to say. Rock says he's here because of the connection between himself and the fans. He's here to go to Wrestlemania and take it to John Cena before beating him all over Wrestlemania. Rock says he and Cena could change the world if the people will it. He gets on a bizarre tangent about being President someday and that he's glad he can count on all of the fans' votes.
When he's inaugurated, he'll start his speed by saying FINALLY he's come back to Washington D.C. On Sunday, Cena's time is never and it's not about passing the torch, because the only way that happens is if Rock lights the belt on fire and puts it inside Cena. On Sunday, Cena is facing both Rock and the MILLIONS, if you smell what he's cooking.
Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro
Cesaro throws him around to start but walks into a dropkick for two. A quick chinlock by the US Champion (non-title here of course) is broken up and Jericho loads up a top rope rana for two. Cue Fandango as we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding a cravate as Fandango is scoring Jericho's moves. Cesaro pounds away for a few two counts and sends Jericho out to the floor before cranking on his neck some more. Antonio yodels a bit before charging into Jericho in the corner to pound away.
Jericho comes back with a top rope ax handle (4 from Fandango) and the bulldog to set up the Lionsault (3). Cesaro counters the Walls in a SWEET spin out into the gutwrench suplex for two. Jericho chops him down and goes up for a cross body (4) but he dropkicks Fandango down, allowing Cesaro to roll Chris up for two. Not that it matters as Jericho hooks the Walls for the tap out at 12:47.
Fandango destroys Jericho post match and hits two guillotine legdrops for good measure.
Stephanie McMahon is inducting Trish Stratus into the Hall of Fame.
We get some fan Touts on who wins between Rock vs. Cena.
Bella Twins vs. Funkadactyls
Naomi and we'll say Brie start things off with Naomi taking the Bella down with the Rear View. I'll let you figure out what she did there. Off to Nikki to crank on Naomi's arm with an armbar as Tensai and Brodus play cheerleader. Naomi botches a sunset flip and it's back to the armbar. She fights back and it's off to Cameron for a bouncing headscissors on I think Brie. A legdrop hits Brie and a good DDT gets no count as Nikki makes the save. Everything breaks down and Nikki rolls through a Cameron cross body for the Bellas win at 4:46.
Here's Undertaker for his verbal evisceration of CM Punk. Punk's title reign lasted over 400 days but his punishment is going to last for eternity. The disrespect for Paul Bearer will cause Punk to pay the ultimate price. This brings out druids with torches but Undertaker looks surprised to see them. We hear Bearer's OH YEEEEEES and here's Heyman in a Bearer disguise.
Taker has had enough and goes up the ramp, only to be stopped by....nothing at all. Instead he beats up the druids to find Punk but picks the wrong one. Punk hits him in the ribs with the Urn and a few shots to the back for good measure. Punk yells that it's over and that it's going to be 20-1. With Undertaker down, Punk POURS THE ASHES ONTO UNDERTAKER.
Results
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. 3MB WMD to Mahal
Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan Rollup
Wade Barrett b. Zack Ryder Bull Hammer
Mark Henry b. Santino Marella World's Strongest Slam
Alberto Del Rio b. Zeb Colter via DQ when Colter used a crutch
Chris Jericho b. Antonio Cesaro Walls of Jericho
Bella Twins b. Funkadactyls Rollup to Cameron
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.0, down from last week.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: April 3, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, Kassius Ohno, Brad Maddox
It's the final show before Wrestlemania and hopefully we get an actual NXT show here instead of the same stuff we got last week with the main roster taking over the show and dragging it down. The only story from last week was Ohno attacking Regal at the announce table to further their feud. Let's get to it.
The opening recap talks about O'Brian earning a title shot against Langston in a three way a few weeks back.
Great, an hour of Brad Maddox and Ohno's annoying way of talking.
Bo Dallas/Adrian Neville vs. Wyatt Family
This would be Rowan and Harper. Apparently Gray is going to be out for six months but he and Neville are still champions. Bray talks about putting a mouse in a cage with a snake. While it may survive one night, it isn't going to survive in the long run. Harper and Dallas get things going with Bo being shoved into the corner. Off to Rowan for more pounding on Dallas' back.
Bo finally escapes and brings in Adrian for some quick strikes and a standing moonsault for two on Luke. Rowan interference lets Harper hit a big boot for two and control. We take a break and come back with Rowan holding Adrian in a nerve hold. Erick drops down onto Neville's head for two and it's back to Luke Harper. Off to a chinlock on Adrian followed by a hard back elbow to the face for two. Back to Rowan with a big elbow for two and it's already back to Harper.
Make that Rowan who rams Adrian head first into the corner before immediately tagging back out to Luke. The Family tags in and out very quickly. Neville avoids a big boot in the corner and it's hot tag to Dallas. A tornado bulldog out of the corner gets two on Luke but Dallas has to take out Wyatt. Adrian hits a big corkscrew dive to take out Erick and Bray, allowing Dallas to belly to belly suplex Harper for the pin at 8:28 shown of 10:28.
Langston defends against O'Brian tonight.
Conor says the NXT Title belongs to him tonight.
We get Rock and Cena's promos from Raw in their entirety.
Back in the arena, Regal jumps Ohno just like Ohno did to him last week. Fans: THANK YOU REGAL!
Summer Rae/Audrey Marie vs. Paige/Sasha Banks
Summer immediately runs from Paige so it's Audrey starting with Paige instead. Rae distracts Paige to give Marie a quick advantage but it's quickly off to Sasha for some double teaming. Banks hits a hard chop to the chest and a wrist drag out of the corner for two. Audrey pulls her back to the corner for a tag to Summer who chokes away. Back to Audrey for a chinlock on Sasha which actually gets two.
Rae comes back in and works over Audrey even more before bringing Marie back in. The tagging in NXT is quite good overall. It's already back to Rae who gets rolled up for two, but her kickout sends Sasha into the tag to Paige. Summer immediately bails and runs to the back. The Paige Turner swinging neckbreaker finishes Audrey at 3:52
Paige chases after Rae.
Regal vs. Ohno next week.
NXT Title: Conor O'Brian vs. Big E. Langston
Feeling out process to start with the champion sending O'Brian to the floor as we take a break. Back with O'Brian guillotining Langston on the stop rope to take over again. The full nelson slam gets two on Big E. and O'Brian stomps away some more. A quick shoulder block gets two more and it's off to a chinlock. The idea is that O'Brian is strong enough to hurt Langston so the offense can be really simple.
Back up and Langston starts to scream and Hulk Up. Conor can't hurt him with right hands and Big E. runs him over with some clotheslines. Langston fires off five knees to the ribs but walks into a BIG clothesline for two. Conor is stunned and shouts FIVE. He loads up the Big Ending but Langston escapes and runs the challenger over. The real Big Ending retains Langston's title at 6:03 shown of 9:33.
Langston hits another Big Ending for 5 post match.
Results
Bo Dallas/Adrian Neville b. Wyatt Family Belly to belly suplex to Harper
Paige/Sasha Banks b. Summer Rae/Audrey Marie Paige Turner to Marie
Big E. Langston b. Conor O'Brian Big Ending
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: April 4, 2013
Location: ASU Convocation Center, Jonesboro, Arkansas
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley
We're still in Arkansas as we're heading towards Corpus Christi and the PPV level TV show next week. The main issues tonight will be Hogan and Sting continuing their bickering along with Gut Check featuring luchador Magno and former NWA World Champion Adam Pearce in what should be an interesting match. Let's get to it.
We open with the usual recap of Brooke being tormented by Bully, Sting and Hogan's issues, and AJ walking away from Storm. Jeff Hardy won a #1 contender match as well and picked Full Metal Mayhem for next week.
Here are Aces and 8's to open the show. Anderson gets the mic and says he has a special package here. He talks about AJ and how the company had his back when he needed them. Then once they stopped needing Styles, TNA turned its back on him. They have a vest for him anytime he's ready. D-Von has an envelope which will give a new meaning to Bully and Brooke's relationship. D'Lo has a gift as well: his termination from TNA's front offices. That's not enough for him as he thinks he should have gotten a phone call or a meeting. Brown wants someone to come out here and fire him to his face.
Instead he gets Kurt Angle who says he'll say something to Brown's face. Kurt gets in the ring with D'Lo, D'Von and Anderson and goes right for Brown. Aces and 8's come in and the brawl is on. Cue the TNA cavalry for the save and the bikers bail to the floor. Apparently there's a ten man tag later tonight.
Joey Ryan comes up to Brooke in the back but Brooke isn't interested. Sex jokes are made and Joey wants to be the Knockouts referee. Brooke says ok to get rid of him. No touching the Knockouts though.
Tara/Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky/Taryn Terrell
Joey Ryan is referee and spanks Velvet to get things going. It's Sky vs. Tara to start things off and with Velvet holding a headlock, Joey massages her shoulders. Off to Taryn who sends Gail out for a tag. Taryn keeps rolling Tara up but Joey keeps getting good looks instead of counting. Velvet and Taryn hit a double elbow on Tara but Joey looks up Velvet's skirt and rubs his chest. Since the joke has been done once, we'll repeat it another twenty times in three minutes.
Tara's boyfriend Jesse gets jealous but Tara calls him off. Joey gets shoved away when looking at the shaky moonsault, allowing Velvet to move. Hot tag brings in Taryn to beat up Gail with a nice top rope cross body. Everything breaks down and Gail clears the ring, allowing for some more of the EXACT SAME THING Joey has done all match. Gail plays with his mustache but gets rolled up....as Joey is stripping. Gail reverses the rollup into one of her own and Joey fast counts the pin on Taryn at 5:28.
Post match Velvet hits Joey low.
Aries/Roode and Chavo/Hernandez are in the ring for the contract signing for the title match next week. Aries calls himself and Roode a team of world champions instead of the world tag team champions. Roode asks both challengers if they've ever been a world champion and Aries answers for them. Chavo says he's a Guerrero so he's awesome. Oh and Hernandez is really strong.
Aries says that they should up the ante a bit: the winners should get more money, a fruit basket, and green M&Ms. Chavo says something we can't hear and the champions huddle. Austin wants one more clause....which we also don't see. Apparently the match is 2/3 falls and if Chavo/Hernandez lose, they can never team up again. Everyone signs and we have a match.
We get a video on Adam Pearce who has been a professional for 17 years. He's been a four time world champion and this might be his last chance. Pearce has been in the ring with some of TNA's top talent before and he can beat them, so he's more ready than any other Gut Check contestant.
Magno talks about training for fifteen years for this chance. Watch him because he's going to do something no one else ever has done.
Gut Check: Magno vs. Adam Pearce
Magno is pretty tall for a luchador. Feeling out process to start with Adam trying to take it to the mat, only to be flipped away with a wristlock and armdrag. Pearce takes it into the corner but charges into some boots, only to come back with a backdrop for two. Magno comes back with a springboard moonsault but lands square on his head. He seems to be fine but that looked BAD.
Pearce counters another springboard into a hard spinebuster for two Magno flips over to the apron and comes back with some clotheslines and an enziguri in the corner. Pearce goes to the floor and Magno (partially) hits a moonsault press to take Adam down. Back in and Pearce trips Magno up for a rollup and grabs the rope for the pin at 4:18.
Aces and 8's give AJ a vest but he doesn't seem thrilled. He doesn't give it back though.
We recap the Sting/Hogan fiasco over Bully Ray.
Hogan says Sting is in a gray area and not here tonight.
Angle and Park fire each other up for the ten man tag.
Here's Hulk to talk about gut feelings and wanting to talk to people. He wants to talk to AJ Styles and here's the Phenomenal One, still carrying the biker vest. Hogan talks to AJ about holding up under pressure but then last year he started to slip. AJ started to change, but TNA is still his family. Hogan says TNA needs AJ Styles but instead he gets James Storm with something to say. Storm says he was the guy who beat AJ last, but everyone loses big matches.
What bothers Storm was AJ walking away when Storm was beaten down by Aces and 8's. James has been here since day one just like AJ and he's been here for the people every night. AJ isn't the same guy who was at the Fairgrounds in the old days of TNA. Storm says Styles needs to leave before he gets knocked out, so AJ walks away, looking down at the vest in his hands.
Petey Williams vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Mason Andrews
Winner gets a title shot, presumably next week. Everyone starts with fast near falls until Andrews has to back away from a potential double team. A quick dropkick gets two on Williams for Dutt but Petey comes back with a suicide dive to take out Andrews. Dutt joins them on the floor and it's Andrews taking over. Back inside and a backbreaker gets two on Williams but Andrews has to knock Dutt off the apron. A middle rope elbow gets two on Williams but Dutt is back in as well with an octopus hold on Petey.
Andrews breaks that up but can't hit something out of a fireman's carry on Williams. Dutt comes back in with a springboard dropkick to both guys at once. A kick in the corner puts Andrews on the ropes and there's a springboard legdrop to the back of his head, followed by a springboard splash for two.
Petey is back in and decks Andrews but hits a Russian legsweep and short range Downward Spiral on Dutt. The Canadian Destroyer (flip piledriver) is broken up and Andrews hits a quick top rope rana on Williams. Dutt hits a standing Sliced Bred on Andrews but a top rope double stomp misses. The Destroyer hits Andrews to give Williams the shot at 5:19.
Ray fires up the bikers for the ten man tag later. He's looking forward to talking to Brooke too.
We run down the card for next week's big episode.
Aces and 8's vs. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Joseph Park/Magnus/Eric Young
None of the bikers want to start with Angle so he pulls in Brisco for the beatdown. Angle punches Wes into the corner until he gets bored and brings in Garrett. Bischoff gets the same beating in the corner and now it's off to Magnus for a slam into a suplex for no cover. Off to Joe vs. D-Von and the corner enziguri has the TV Champion (D-Von) stggered. A knee drop gets two for Joe but it's off to Knux.
Joe hits a running knee to the face to put him down and here's Eric to drop an ax handle on the arm. Knux pounds away on Eric but gets sent to the floor where Eric hits a big slingshot dive to take him out again as we take a break. Back with Knux in control of Young and throwing him over the top and out to the floor. It's off to Doc for some power stuff before D-Von comes in for all of his usual stuff: punches, shoulder block, nerve hold, Spinarooni etc.
Doc comes back in and breaks up a hot tag bid, only to miss a charge in the corner. The hot tag brings in Park who cleans house and is very excited about doing so. A splash gets two on Brisco as everything breaks down. We finally get down to D-Von, Joe and Park in the ring but Joe dives through the ropes to take out Knux. D-Von hits a spinebuster on Park but misses the flying headbutt. Park has to deal with the other bikers and gets caught by a low blow from Doc for the pin at 14:00.
Brooke tells Hulk not to worry about her. She'll have protection for her meeting with Bully tonight. No more drama.
Here's Bully to talk about the Full Metal Mayhem match next week against Hardy. Why would Hardy pick a match like that against Ray? For right now though, Ray wants Brooke to come out here so here's that stupid theme song of hers as she's flanked by security. Ray wants to know where her ring is. He also wants to know what's with the security guards. At Lockdown she was panicking when she should have been excited for her husband to win the world title.
As for the envelope, it's a pair of front row tickets for next week so that Brooke can be there when Ray retains the title. Oh and she needs to look better because Ray thinks she's been letting herself go. Brooke slaps him in the face but Ray says he's in her head, just like he's been in her since day one. Cue Hardy for the brawl to set up the main event next week to end the show.
Results
Gail Kim/Tara b. Taryn Terrell/Velvet Sky Rollup to Terrell
Adam Pearce b. Magno Rollup
Petey Williams b. Mason Andrews and Sonjay Dutt Canadian Destroyer to Andrews
Aces and 8's b. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Eric Young/Magnus/Joseph Park Low blow to Park
Smackdown got a 2.0, down slightly from last week. The NCAA Tournament took away some viewers despite Rock appearing. The fact that WWE didn't promote Rock of course has nothing to do with this, right?
Monday Night Raw
Date: April 1, 2013
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield
It's finally the go home show for Wrestlemania which means we're likely in for a slow evening tonight. These shows tend to be mainly talking with little action, as most of the wrestlers don't want to risk injuries before the biggest night of the year. These shows don't tend to do much, but to be fair most of the show on Sunday is already set in stone. Let's get to it.
The opening video is about the three main events for the PPV and how all six guys will be around tonight to hype up Wrestlemania.
Here's Cena to open the show. As the crowd is split, Cena talks about how this is a house divided. Just like in Washington DC politics, we have Cenacrats and Rockpublicans here tonight. Cena says that a year ago he would have come out here and made a stupid joke while Rock would have thrown Cena's shirt in a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. This time the match is serious because Rock has done everything he's ever set out to do. Therefore, Cena winning is impossible right? Just like Cena winning the Rumble and Cena beating Punk to go to Wrestlemania were impossible tasks right?
This Sunday is going to be different because Rock has already stuck his foot in his mouth. Cena had to put up with Rock establishing a new era in the WWE, but on Sunday in Rock's first defense he's losing his own era. However, Cena will continue the People's Era after the mighty Rock experiences failure. Cena isn't going to replace the WWE Championship when he wins it because he wants to hold it as a symbol. The fans chant boring for some reason. Cena says he's going to get the title back and the champ will be here.
We stop for Lawler to make a Tout about who is going to win the match between Rock and Cena on Sunday. Lawler picks Rock.
3MB vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show
Orton and Slater start things off with Sheamus quickly coming in to work on Heath as well. Off to McIntyre who gets punched in the face and powerslammed down for no cover. 3MB finally uses their numbers to take Sheamus down in the corner but Slater walks into the Irish Curse. Hot tag brings in Show as everything breaks down. The brogue Kick puts Drew down and the WMD ends Mahal at 3:05.
Shield comes down the aisle but stops halfway through. Ambrose congratulates them for such a big win. Rollins says Orton and company are only convincing themselves that they're on the same page. Justice never lies and Shield knows the truth. That truth is that they're not looking at a team but the people don't believe in them. Once Sunday is over, the world will believe in the Shield.
Colter and Swagger were in Washington D.C. earlier today to talk about how America was broken. Swagger is the man to fix this because he'll take care of the illegal immigrants and get them back to where they came from. He'll start that at Wrestlemania by breaking the champion's ankle as well as his spirit.
Del Rio says that America is a land of opportunity and Swagger has the right to free speech. If Del Rio doesn't like what Swagger is saying, he can do something about it. Tonight it's Del Rio vs. Colter and Zeb is a pinata with a mustache.
Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler grabs an armbar to start as AJ looks like her usual psycho self. Bryan fights back and catches Ziggler in a kind of spinebuster to send him into the corner. Bryan fires off some kicks to a kneeling Dolph and does his moonsault out of the corner. A clothesline puts Ziggler down but he makes the ropes before the NO Lock. Ziggler goes after the knee to take over before sending Bryan into the corner. A charge misses though and Bryan puts Ziggler in an old school Tarantula but has to stop to stare at Langston. Ziggler hits a quick Fameasser for two and we take a break.
Back with Bryan kicking Ziggler in the face out of the corner before firing off some NO kicks to Ziggler's shoulder and chest. Dolph misses a charge in the corner and Bryan fires off more kicks. A hard kick to the head looks to set up a Swan Dive but Bryan only hits mat. Both guys try cross bodies and crash to the mat as AJ starts skipping around Kane. The distraction lets Langston run over Kane and that distraction lets Ziggler roll up Bryan for the pin at 11:00.
Post match Langston lays out the tag champions.
Here's Shawn Michaels who says you can't have Raw without him. Shawn lists off the major matches before getting around to HHH vs. Brock. He has some doubts about something but here's HHH to interrupt. HHH says he knows what he's doing but Shawn says he doesn't think so. Shawn thinks the situations the two of them in were very different.
When Shawn's career was on the line, Shawn looked at someone he had great respect for and that respect was mutual. When Shawn lost, he was heartbroken but Undertaker was just as heartbroken. Undertaker never came out here and bragged because Taker cares about Shawn that much. Brock on the other hand respects no one and HHH doesn't respect him either.
Lesnar is here for the money, but the two of them are here for love of the sport. HHH loves it more than Shawn though because it's HHH's life. HHH says Shawn can't talk him out of it, but that's not Michaels' point. Shawn is here to tell HHH that he HAS to do this. He's going to be in HHH's corner but before they can do the catchphrase, here are Brock and Heyman. Heyman says Brock has two words for HHH but doesn't say what they are yet.
HHH is going to have to live with the disappointment of the McMahons because he won't be able to fight Vince's battles anymore. He's used to disappointing his wife and he's going to disappoint Shawn too. Brock might break Shawn's arm again because that's what Lesnar does. HHH should have walked away like Shawn did because now he's going to have to crawl away. Lesnar has forced HHH to commit professional suicide.
Wade Barrett vs. Zack Ryder
Miz is on commentary and will meet Barrett for the title on the preshow. Barrett kicks him in the ribs to start and gets two off a fast suplex. Ryder goes up top but is pulled down for another two count and Wade drops an elbow. A big boot puts Ryder on the floor but Barrett stops to jaw with Miz. Back in and Ryder hits a flapjack and some hard forearms to the head. The Broski Boot gets two but Barrett blocks the knees in the corner. The Bull Hammer ends Ryder at 3:46.
Santino tells Vickie and Brad Maddox that Vince is here and he's MAD. Oh and April Fool's. Santino gets a match as punishment.
Santino Marella vs. Mark Henry
Santino fires off some kicks and goes right for the Cobra, only to be run over by Henry. World's Strongest Slam and we're done in 52 seconds.
Post match here's Ryback but Henry says hang on a second. Henry says that nearly breaking a bench press record doesn't give Ryback the right to intimidate Henry. Besides, they have a no contact clause. Tonight, all Henry is going to do is smile. Ryback responds by picking up Santino and ramming him into Henry. Mark is knocked to the floor, so Santino picks Santino up and throws him onto Henry.
Punk says he doesn't care if he's disrespecting the memory of Paul Bearer. He's trying to get inside Undertaker's head so he can win. Punk says that on Sunday, the only thing people are going to remember is Undertaker losing.
Zeb Colter vs. Alberto Del Rio
Swagger goes after Ricardo and the distraction lets Colter hit Del Rio in the back with a crutch for the DQ at 50 seconds.
Post match Swagger takes out the champion's knee and beats on him with the crutch.
Here's Rock with something to say. Rock says he's here because of the connection between himself and the fans. He's here to go to Wrestlemania and take it to John Cena before beating him all over Wrestlemania. Rock says he and Cena could change the world if the people will it. He gets on a bizarre tangent about being President someday and that he's glad he can count on all of the fans' votes.
When he's inaugurated, he'll start his speed by saying FINALLY he's come back to Washington D.C. On Sunday, Cena's time is never and it's not about passing the torch, because the only way that happens is if Rock lights the belt on fire and puts it inside Cena. On Sunday, Cena is facing both Rock and the MILLIONS, if you smell what he's cooking.
Chris Jericho vs. Antonio Cesaro
Cesaro throws him around to start but walks into a dropkick for two. A quick chinlock by the US Champion (non-title here of course) is broken up and Jericho loads up a top rope rana for two. Cue Fandango as we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding a cravate as Fandango is scoring Jericho's moves. Cesaro pounds away for a few two counts and sends Jericho out to the floor before cranking on his neck some more. Antonio yodels a bit before charging into Jericho in the corner to pound away.
Jericho comes back with a top rope ax handle (4 from Fandango) and the bulldog to set up the Lionsault (3). Cesaro counters the Walls in a SWEET spin out into the gutwrench suplex for two. Jericho chops him down and goes up for a cross body (4) but he dropkicks Fandango down, allowing Cesaro to roll Chris up for two. Not that it matters as Jericho hooks the Walls for the tap out at 12:47.
Fandango destroys Jericho post match and hits two guillotine legdrops for good measure.
Stephanie McMahon is inducting Trish Stratus into the Hall of Fame.
We get some fan Touts on who wins between Rock vs. Cena.
Bella Twins vs. Funkadactyls
Naomi and we'll say Brie start things off with Naomi taking the Bella down with the Rear View. I'll let you figure out what she did there. Off to Nikki to crank on Naomi's arm with an armbar as Tensai and Brodus play cheerleader. Naomi botches a sunset flip and it's back to the armbar. She fights back and it's off to Cameron for a bouncing headscissors on I think Brie. A legdrop hits Brie and a good DDT gets no count as Nikki makes the save. Everything breaks down and Nikki rolls through a Cameron cross body for the Bellas win at 4:46.
Here's Undertaker for his verbal evisceration of CM Punk. Punk's title reign lasted over 400 days but his punishment is going to last for eternity. The disrespect for Paul Bearer will cause Punk to pay the ultimate price. This brings out druids with torches but Undertaker looks surprised to see them. We hear Bearer's OH YEEEEEES and here's Heyman in a Bearer disguise.
Taker has had enough and goes up the ramp, only to be stopped by....nothing at all. Instead he beats up the druids to find Punk but picks the wrong one. Punk hits him in the ribs with the Urn and a few shots to the back for good measure. Punk yells that it's over and that it's going to be 20-1. With Undertaker down, Punk POURS THE ASHES ONTO UNDERTAKER.
Results
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. 3MB WMD to Mahal
Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan Rollup
Wade Barrett b. Zack Ryder Bull Hammer
Mark Henry b. Santino Marella World's Strongest Slam
Alberto Del Rio b. Zeb Colter via DQ when Colter used a crutch
Chris Jericho b. Antonio Cesaro Walls of Jericho
Bella Twins b. Funkadactyls Rollup to Cameron
Tuesday
Raw got a 3.0, down from last week.
Wednesday
NXT
Date: April 3, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, Kassius Ohno, Brad Maddox
It's the final show before Wrestlemania and hopefully we get an actual NXT show here instead of the same stuff we got last week with the main roster taking over the show and dragging it down. The only story from last week was Ohno attacking Regal at the announce table to further their feud. Let's get to it.
The opening recap talks about O'Brian earning a title shot against Langston in a three way a few weeks back.
Great, an hour of Brad Maddox and Ohno's annoying way of talking.
Bo Dallas/Adrian Neville vs. Wyatt Family
This would be Rowan and Harper. Apparently Gray is going to be out for six months but he and Neville are still champions. Bray talks about putting a mouse in a cage with a snake. While it may survive one night, it isn't going to survive in the long run. Harper and Dallas get things going with Bo being shoved into the corner. Off to Rowan for more pounding on Dallas' back.
Bo finally escapes and brings in Adrian for some quick strikes and a standing moonsault for two on Luke. Rowan interference lets Harper hit a big boot for two and control. We take a break and come back with Rowan holding Adrian in a nerve hold. Erick drops down onto Neville's head for two and it's back to Luke Harper. Off to a chinlock on Adrian followed by a hard back elbow to the face for two. Back to Rowan with a big elbow for two and it's already back to Harper.
Make that Rowan who rams Adrian head first into the corner before immediately tagging back out to Luke. The Family tags in and out very quickly. Neville avoids a big boot in the corner and it's hot tag to Dallas. A tornado bulldog out of the corner gets two on Luke but Dallas has to take out Wyatt. Adrian hits a big corkscrew dive to take out Erick and Bray, allowing Dallas to belly to belly suplex Harper for the pin at 8:28 shown of 10:28.
Langston defends against O'Brian tonight.
Conor says the NXT Title belongs to him tonight.
We get Rock and Cena's promos from Raw in their entirety.
Back in the arena, Regal jumps Ohno just like Ohno did to him last week. Fans: THANK YOU REGAL!
Summer Rae/Audrey Marie vs. Paige/Sasha Banks
Summer immediately runs from Paige so it's Audrey starting with Paige instead. Rae distracts Paige to give Marie a quick advantage but it's quickly off to Sasha for some double teaming. Banks hits a hard chop to the chest and a wrist drag out of the corner for two. Audrey pulls her back to the corner for a tag to Summer who chokes away. Back to Audrey for a chinlock on Sasha which actually gets two.
Rae comes back in and works over Audrey even more before bringing Marie back in. The tagging in NXT is quite good overall. It's already back to Rae who gets rolled up for two, but her kickout sends Sasha into the tag to Paige. Summer immediately bails and runs to the back. The Paige Turner swinging neckbreaker finishes Audrey at 3:52
Paige chases after Rae.
Regal vs. Ohno next week.
NXT Title: Conor O'Brian vs. Big E. Langston
Feeling out process to start with the champion sending O'Brian to the floor as we take a break. Back with O'Brian guillotining Langston on the stop rope to take over again. The full nelson slam gets two on Big E. and O'Brian stomps away some more. A quick shoulder block gets two more and it's off to a chinlock. The idea is that O'Brian is strong enough to hurt Langston so the offense can be really simple.
Back up and Langston starts to scream and Hulk Up. Conor can't hurt him with right hands and Big E. runs him over with some clotheslines. Langston fires off five knees to the ribs but walks into a BIG clothesline for two. Conor is stunned and shouts FIVE. He loads up the Big Ending but Langston escapes and runs the challenger over. The real Big Ending retains Langston's title at 6:03 shown of 9:33.
Langston hits another Big Ending for 5 post match.
Results
Bo Dallas/Adrian Neville b. Wyatt Family Belly to belly suplex to Harper
Paige/Sasha Banks b. Summer Rae/Audrey Marie Paige Turner to Marie
Big E. Langston b. Conor O'Brian Big Ending
Thursday
Impact Wrestling
Date: April 4, 2013
Location: ASU Convocation Center, Jonesboro, Arkansas
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley
We're still in Arkansas as we're heading towards Corpus Christi and the PPV level TV show next week. The main issues tonight will be Hogan and Sting continuing their bickering along with Gut Check featuring luchador Magno and former NWA World Champion Adam Pearce in what should be an interesting match. Let's get to it.
We open with the usual recap of Brooke being tormented by Bully, Sting and Hogan's issues, and AJ walking away from Storm. Jeff Hardy won a #1 contender match as well and picked Full Metal Mayhem for next week.
Here are Aces and 8's to open the show. Anderson gets the mic and says he has a special package here. He talks about AJ and how the company had his back when he needed them. Then once they stopped needing Styles, TNA turned its back on him. They have a vest for him anytime he's ready. D-Von has an envelope which will give a new meaning to Bully and Brooke's relationship. D'Lo has a gift as well: his termination from TNA's front offices. That's not enough for him as he thinks he should have gotten a phone call or a meeting. Brown wants someone to come out here and fire him to his face.
Instead he gets Kurt Angle who says he'll say something to Brown's face. Kurt gets in the ring with D'Lo, D'Von and Anderson and goes right for Brown. Aces and 8's come in and the brawl is on. Cue the TNA cavalry for the save and the bikers bail to the floor. Apparently there's a ten man tag later tonight.
Joey Ryan comes up to Brooke in the back but Brooke isn't interested. Sex jokes are made and Joey wants to be the Knockouts referee. Brooke says ok to get rid of him. No touching the Knockouts though.
Tara/Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky/Taryn Terrell
Joey Ryan is referee and spanks Velvet to get things going. It's Sky vs. Tara to start things off and with Velvet holding a headlock, Joey massages her shoulders. Off to Taryn who sends Gail out for a tag. Taryn keeps rolling Tara up but Joey keeps getting good looks instead of counting. Velvet and Taryn hit a double elbow on Tara but Joey looks up Velvet's skirt and rubs his chest. Since the joke has been done once, we'll repeat it another twenty times in three minutes.
Tara's boyfriend Jesse gets jealous but Tara calls him off. Joey gets shoved away when looking at the shaky moonsault, allowing Velvet to move. Hot tag brings in Taryn to beat up Gail with a nice top rope cross body. Everything breaks down and Gail clears the ring, allowing for some more of the EXACT SAME THING Joey has done all match. Gail plays with his mustache but gets rolled up....as Joey is stripping. Gail reverses the rollup into one of her own and Joey fast counts the pin on Taryn at 5:28.
Post match Velvet hits Joey low.
Aries/Roode and Chavo/Hernandez are in the ring for the contract signing for the title match next week. Aries calls himself and Roode a team of world champions instead of the world tag team champions. Roode asks both challengers if they've ever been a world champion and Aries answers for them. Chavo says he's a Guerrero so he's awesome. Oh and Hernandez is really strong.
Aries says that they should up the ante a bit: the winners should get more money, a fruit basket, and green M&Ms. Chavo says something we can't hear and the champions huddle. Austin wants one more clause....which we also don't see. Apparently the match is 2/3 falls and if Chavo/Hernandez lose, they can never team up again. Everyone signs and we have a match.
We get a video on Adam Pearce who has been a professional for 17 years. He's been a four time world champion and this might be his last chance. Pearce has been in the ring with some of TNA's top talent before and he can beat them, so he's more ready than any other Gut Check contestant.
Magno talks about training for fifteen years for this chance. Watch him because he's going to do something no one else ever has done.
Gut Check: Magno vs. Adam Pearce
Magno is pretty tall for a luchador. Feeling out process to start with Adam trying to take it to the mat, only to be flipped away with a wristlock and armdrag. Pearce takes it into the corner but charges into some boots, only to come back with a backdrop for two. Magno comes back with a springboard moonsault but lands square on his head. He seems to be fine but that looked BAD.
Pearce counters another springboard into a hard spinebuster for two Magno flips over to the apron and comes back with some clotheslines and an enziguri in the corner. Pearce goes to the floor and Magno (partially) hits a moonsault press to take Adam down. Back in and Pearce trips Magno up for a rollup and grabs the rope for the pin at 4:18.
Aces and 8's give AJ a vest but he doesn't seem thrilled. He doesn't give it back though.
We recap the Sting/Hogan fiasco over Bully Ray.
Hogan says Sting is in a gray area and not here tonight.
Angle and Park fire each other up for the ten man tag.
Here's Hulk to talk about gut feelings and wanting to talk to people. He wants to talk to AJ Styles and here's the Phenomenal One, still carrying the biker vest. Hogan talks to AJ about holding up under pressure but then last year he started to slip. AJ started to change, but TNA is still his family. Hogan says TNA needs AJ Styles but instead he gets James Storm with something to say. Storm says he was the guy who beat AJ last, but everyone loses big matches.
What bothers Storm was AJ walking away when Storm was beaten down by Aces and 8's. James has been here since day one just like AJ and he's been here for the people every night. AJ isn't the same guy who was at the Fairgrounds in the old days of TNA. Storm says Styles needs to leave before he gets knocked out, so AJ walks away, looking down at the vest in his hands.
Petey Williams vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Mason Andrews
Winner gets a title shot, presumably next week. Everyone starts with fast near falls until Andrews has to back away from a potential double team. A quick dropkick gets two on Williams for Dutt but Petey comes back with a suicide dive to take out Andrews. Dutt joins them on the floor and it's Andrews taking over. Back inside and a backbreaker gets two on Williams but Andrews has to knock Dutt off the apron. A middle rope elbow gets two on Williams but Dutt is back in as well with an octopus hold on Petey.
Andrews breaks that up but can't hit something out of a fireman's carry on Williams. Dutt comes back in with a springboard dropkick to both guys at once. A kick in the corner puts Andrews on the ropes and there's a springboard legdrop to the back of his head, followed by a springboard splash for two.
Petey is back in and decks Andrews but hits a Russian legsweep and short range Downward Spiral on Dutt. The Canadian Destroyer (flip piledriver) is broken up and Andrews hits a quick top rope rana on Williams. Dutt hits a standing Sliced Bred on Andrews but a top rope double stomp misses. The Destroyer hits Andrews to give Williams the shot at 5:19.
Ray fires up the bikers for the ten man tag later. He's looking forward to talking to Brooke too.
We run down the card for next week's big episode.
Aces and 8's vs. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Joseph Park/Magnus/Eric Young
None of the bikers want to start with Angle so he pulls in Brisco for the beatdown. Angle punches Wes into the corner until he gets bored and brings in Garrett. Bischoff gets the same beating in the corner and now it's off to Magnus for a slam into a suplex for no cover. Off to Joe vs. D-Von and the corner enziguri has the TV Champion (D-Von) stggered. A knee drop gets two for Joe but it's off to Knux.
Joe hits a running knee to the face to put him down and here's Eric to drop an ax handle on the arm. Knux pounds away on Eric but gets sent to the floor where Eric hits a big slingshot dive to take him out again as we take a break. Back with Knux in control of Young and throwing him over the top and out to the floor. It's off to Doc for some power stuff before D-Von comes in for all of his usual stuff: punches, shoulder block, nerve hold, Spinarooni etc.
Doc comes back in and breaks up a hot tag bid, only to miss a charge in the corner. The hot tag brings in Park who cleans house and is very excited about doing so. A splash gets two on Brisco as everything breaks down. We finally get down to D-Von, Joe and Park in the ring but Joe dives through the ropes to take out Knux. D-Von hits a spinebuster on Park but misses the flying headbutt. Park has to deal with the other bikers and gets caught by a low blow from Doc for the pin at 14:00.
Brooke tells Hulk not to worry about her. She'll have protection for her meeting with Bully tonight. No more drama.
Here's Bully to talk about the Full Metal Mayhem match next week against Hardy. Why would Hardy pick a match like that against Ray? For right now though, Ray wants Brooke to come out here so here's that stupid theme song of hers as she's flanked by security. Ray wants to know where her ring is. He also wants to know what's with the security guards. At Lockdown she was panicking when she should have been excited for her husband to win the world title.
As for the envelope, it's a pair of front row tickets for next week so that Brooke can be there when Ray retains the title. Oh and she needs to look better because Ray thinks she's been letting herself go. Brooke slaps him in the face but Ray says he's in her head, just like he's been in her since day one. Cue Hardy for the brawl to set up the main event next week to end the show.
Results
Gail Kim/Tara b. Taryn Terrell/Velvet Sky Rollup to Terrell
Adam Pearce b. Magno Rollup
Petey Williams b. Mason Andrews and Sonjay Dutt Canadian Destroyer to Andrews
Aces and 8's b. Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Eric Young/Magnus/Joseph Park Low blow to Park