United Wrestling Federation Week 1:
Torque!
The chorus of “For those about to Rock” by ACDC blares through the MSG, the green pyro display goes off, and so do the fans. Welcome to week 1 of Torque!!
“No Chance in Hell” hits, and Vince McMahon struts his way to the ring, a mic in hand.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, and the millions watching at home, welcome. Welcome to the very place where, by all you fans, a revolution shall be witnessed. When your children study the history of the USA, a date they will see shall be July 4th 1776. Next to that date, ladies and gentlemen, will be this, the 20th of November, 2006!! Tonight is a night you shall tell your children about, and they will tell their children of, and so on and so forth. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen…UWF is BORN!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The crowd stands and gives Vince a standing ovation, and the applause continues for 3 or so minutes. Vince appears overjoyed, and tears appear in his eyes.
“Ahem. You have all seen WWE. We’ve seen WCW. We’ve seen ECW, but nothing, I repeat, nothing, you have or will ever see shall match the three letters that I am about to say.”
*The Crowd Say Them with Vince*
“U-W-F!!”
“And so, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Torque’s official GM…”
J.R.: Who will it be King? Shane? Teddy? Stephanie-“
“I’m Back” hits, and Eric Bischoff comes to the ring, smiling, holding a briefcase.
King: “Oh My God, J.R.!! It’s Eric Bischoff! He’s back in UWF!!”
Bischoff: “The first thing I’d like to say to everyone here, especially Vince, is…thankyou. Thankyou for giving me a second chance. I left the WWE on angry terms…and well, they were, let’s say undesirable. But no more of the past. More of the future. In short, I have an oath to swear, a promise to give. I promise, people, I promise one thing, and one thing only. That every Monday Night, when you tune in to the CW Network, you will be witnessing the most entertaining, the most pure, the most spectacular, the most hardcore, and damnit the most controversial show ever witnessed by any living person!!”
The crowd roars, and Vince claps.
“And what better way to do that, to become that GM, than to announce UWF’s first ever PPV, Terminal Velocity in just 5 weeks!!”
Once again, Bischoff whips the crowd into a frenzy, and a deafening “UWF” chant ripples through the arena.
“But to have a PPV, folks, you need a champion. Champions in fact. And tonight, guys, 4 new championships will be introduced. Tonight, you will have the UTTs (Universal Tag Titles), the NHC (Northern Hemisphere Championship), the LWC (Lightweight Championship), and most importantly, guys, the UWC!!!! (Undisputed World Champion). And without further delay…LET’S GET IT ON!!!!!”
*He and Vince embrace, and walk to the back, as we go to commercial.*
When we return, Bischoff is sitting in his office, the four gold and silver encrusted belts lying on his desk. His cell phone rings, and he picks up.
“Hello? Oh, hey. Yeah, you good? Alright, see you in ten.”
J.R.: “What was that all about, King?”
King: I dunno, J.R., but there’s one thing I’m sure of, with Bischoff around, it won’t be long till we find out.
We cut to Carlito, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, Chavo Guerrero, Nitro and Ken Kennedy standing in a locker-room.
Bischoff enters through the door, with a concerned look on his face.
“Guys, guys, listen up. I’m in a hurry, so listen good. Tonight, you 6 will compete for the NHC. The stipulation is this. You have no idea of the stipulation of the match, except for one thing. You are all able to chose a weapon, and no, it’s not a “Weapon of Your Choice” match. Give em to Joey Styles in no less than 45 minutes, or you’ll go in empty handed.”
They nod, but Carlito, Rey and Booker step up.
Rey: “Listen, Bischoff. I’m gonna make something clear right now. No matter what you think, us three don’t bust our asses out there for you. We do it for the fans.”
*The fans cheer, and a brief 619 chant starts up.*
“I don’t like you. We don’t like you. You planning something? You got a card up your sleeve? Well I tell you somin’ boy. I only need three cards. You know what they are? 6. 1. 9.”
*Crowd gives Rey a huge pop, and a 619 chant, louder and longer this time, springs up.*
Carlito: “Now dat’ was cool.”
*Takes a bite out of his apple and spits it in Bischoff’s face. The crowd cheers.*
Booker T begins to walk out with Rey and Carlito, but stops, and turns to Bischoff.
“I guess the question is, CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUCKAAAAAAAAAAA?!!!!”
*The three walk out of the room, to a massive pop, especially after Booker’s comment. Bischoff storms out of the room, leaving the others standing.”
Commercial Break
When we return, Kurt Angle is walking through the carpark in a suit with a briefcase. He stops by his locker-room, and puts it down, before heading on to Bischoff’s locker.
Kurt: “Eric? What’s up?”
Bischoff: Mysterio, Booker, Carlit- Oh don’t worry. Listen Kurt, tonight, I’ve called you in here to explain the UWC match tonight. Tonight, if you are willing to go along with my little plan-“
Kurt: “Eric, I’m in. Me n’ you. All the way. Ruling the roost. But what I care about most, is my winning the UWC tonight.”
Bischoff: “Kurt, Kurt. It’s all done. Trust me, when you get into that ring tonight, you won’t be getting in alone.”
Triple H walks in, with a black muscle shirt and sunnies on, and looks at Kurt, then Bischoff.
Triple H: “You know Bischoff, for once your right. Kurt Angle will not be getting in that ring alone. Kurt, your getting in that very ring tonight, with the King of Kings, the Cerebral Assassin…THE GAME!!”
*The crowd goes off*
Kurt: “Listen, Hunter. You may be the King of Kings. You may be the Cerebral Assassin. You may be the game. But your not, Hunter, an Olympic Gold Medallist. You are not a wrestling machine. And most importantly, you’re not walking out of that ring as the UWC tonight.”
Triple H smiles, chews his gum, and looks at Kurt up and down, before walking out, smiling. We see him walk away, then pause, and eavesdrop through the door.
Bischoff: “Don’t worry, Kurt, all you gotta focus on is preparing for that match tonight. And trust me. I will make sure that he doesn’t walk out of this arena as the first UWC.”
Kurt shakes Eric’s hand firmly, and leaves. We see Hunter swear and head to the locker room.
Back in ring:
Lillian: “The following match, ladies and gentlemen, is for the NHC, and it is….a six way HELLS BELLS match!”
J.R.: What?! Hells Bells? We going old school, King!”
King: “Wow! Haven’t seen this one for years!”
Lillian: “This match involves the following. The 6 men enter at random, and all have their numbers. 2 start, inside a 17 foot steel cage, with 5 weapons suspended from above the cage, each having been individually chosen by a competitor! A new competitor enters when the arena’s lights go off and the bells sound!”
*Lillian slips out of the ring, and from the rafters, which were previously shrouded in darkness, emerges the steel cage!!”
J.R.: “Oh My! The brutal structure returns! This match promises to be our lil’ favourite – an absolute SLOBBERKNOCKER!!”
Then, the arena is ensconced in darkness, and bells sound. When the lights return, Nitro and Carlito stand in the ring.
The two lock up, and Nitro overpowers Carlito to a corner. He gives him punches, and the crowd counts them – 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8 – and boo’s him viciously. Carlito is slumped in the corner, and Nitro goes to the opposite corner, before running in and hitting Carlito with a running dropkick. Carlito is now drowsy, and Nitro picks him up and takes him up to the top rope, slowly. He gets there, and gets Carlito in position for a superplex. Carlito delivers and elbow to the gut, and then out of nowhere hits a flying DDT from the top rope! Nitro is laid out, but Carlito is also down. The referee begins to count – 1,2,3,4 – Carlito gets to his knees -5, 6 – Carlito gets up and the referee breaks the count. Carlito makes his way to the top turnbuckle, and gets in position for a moonsault, with his back to Nitro. Nitro, who had been playing possum, gets up, and Carlito flips off, straight into a dropkick from Nitro. Carlito is completely out of it, and Nitro climbs high, to the top of the cage, and grabs a weapon…A BARBED WIRE BASEBALL BAT!! Jumping down, he picks Carlito up, and stands him in the middle of the ring. He bounces himself of the rope and lines Carlito up, preparing for a shot to the face with the baseball bat! He runs at Carlito, but at the last second, Carlito sidesteps Nitro, and showing amazing speed, quickly gives Nitro a devastating backbreaker. Carlito again climbs high, taunting for a moonsault onto Nitro. Suddenly the lights go out, and the bells sound.
J.R.: Who’s coming in, King?
King: I dunno, J.R., but we’re about to find out.
However, when the lights return, no-one is in the ring, and the baseball bat has vanished. Carlito looks around, and, seeing no-one, shrugs, and motions for a moonsault again. Playing with the crowd, he doesn’t notice Mr.Kennedy slip into the ring, armed with the baseball bat. Carlito flips, and Kennedy hits Carlito in the face with the bat, mid-air! He goes to check on Nitro, who is still in pain on the ground. After a few minutes, Nitro staggers to his feet. Kennedy climbs to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top of the cage. From the roof of the cage, in his left hand he grasps a 2x4 and brings it to the ring! Carlito is now kneeling against the turnbuckle, as Kennedy drops to the floor. After Nitro gets the baseball bat. The two approach the corner, preparing to blast Carlito’s back. Suddenly, the lights go out, and the bells sound. When we return, mister 619 himself is standing on the top rope, and to Nitro and Kennedy’s disbelief, he gives them both top rope drop-kicks, though he doesn’t complete connect with Kennedy. Kennedy manages to keep his balance whilst holding his face. Rey springs up, and grabbing the 2x4, smashes it over Kennedy’s head, sending him to the middle rope. As Rey prepares the 619, again the lights are out, and the gong is heard. When we return, Rey bounces himself off the ropes…straight into a Chavo Guerrero 3 Amigos!
King: It’s Chavo JR!! What a huge turnaround!
Nitro now gets up, and comes in behind Chavo, and lands a quick low blow! But when he stands, Carlito gives him a quickfire backcracker! Then, when Kennedy somehow gets up, Carlito connects with the springboard elbow!! Carlito drags Guerrero to the top turnbuckle, and gets him in position for a superplex into the steel cage! He hit’s it, and Guerrero is busted open at the back of his head! Carlito taunts to the crowd from the top rope, and looks to hit Kennedy with a flying elbow. He jumps, but Kennedy rolls out of the way, leaving Carlito to crash and burn. Kennedy goes high, and looks to hit a leg-drop. Nitro has been hurt badly by Rey’s top-rope dropkick, and is still down. As Kennedy ascends to the top turnbuckle, the lights hit, the bells ring, and Booker T appears centre-ring, eyes wide, staring at Kennedy. Kennedy jumps at him for a flying shoulder-block, but Booker gives him a spectacular mid-air spinning kick, sending Kenendy over the ropes, into the steel cage! Rey gets up, and Booker checks on him. Suddenly, Nitro runs in from behind and gives the two a double Bulldog! However, he turns straight into an inverted suplex from Carlito! Carlito quickly covers, 1, 2, Nitro kicks out at 2 and a half. Carlito gets up with Rey and Booker, and the three stand over Nitro. Nitro stands and Carlito gives him a quick back-cracker, before Rey climbs high, and after Nitro is stood up by Booker, he gives Nitro a flying ‘rana. Then, Carlito stands Nitro centre-ring, and Booker kicks him to the gut. Carlito and Rey see Chavo and Kennedy rising, and the two climb to opposite turnbuckles. (NB: Kennedy and Chavo were super-plexed into the steel cage from different turnbuckles on the same side of the ring). As Kennedy and Chavo rise, they give them each a cross-body, squashing Chavo and Kennedy between themselves and the steel mesh! In ring, Booker hits the Book-End on Nitro and covers – 1, 2, 3, to become the new NHC champion!!
Lillian: “Here is your winner, and new, NH Champion, Booooker TTTTTTTTTTT!!!
Aftermath: Rey, Carlito and Booker celebrate in the ring, before heading to the back.
Commercial Break.
When we return, we cut to the parking lot, where Bischoff is talking to two hooded men in black tracksuits, both with hidden faces.
Bischoff: “Guys, trust me. You do that for me, and it won’t be a one-sided bargain. You in, or not? Coz’ there are plenty of others who’ll do it if…”
One of the Hooded Men: “OK, Eric, we’re in. You got yourself enforcers.”
Eric heads to the locker-room, and knocks on Shawn Michaels door.
HBK: “Come in.”
Bischoff: “Listen Shawn. Tonight, you know situation, I spoke to you earlier. You’ve had time to think, and I need to know your decision. But one more thing. You do this, and I can guarantee you the first shot at the UWC. No matter what, you’ll be the first after tonight to compete for that title. Basically, the question is: do we have a deal?”
HBK: “Look, Eric. You come here tonight, asking the icon, the showstopper, the HEARTBREAK KID SHAWN MICHAELS (*Crowd Cheers*) to do that for you?”
Bischoff: “Yeah, pretty much.”
HBK: “Look Bischoff, in answer to your question, I’ve got two words for ya… (*Crowd goes crazy*) HELL NO!!!!”
Bischoff looks flabbergasted, and walks out, but offers a parting shot:
“Trust me, Shawn, you’ll regret saying that.”
HBK: “No Bischoff, but you will.”
As Bischoff turns around to ask “What?,” HBK gets up and gives him a coupla’ notes o’ Sweet Chin Music, before dragging Bischoff out of his locker-room, and leaving him lying on the floor.
The Cameras pan out to JR and King.
JR: “Wow, King. HBK just laid out the new GM. Some statement!!”
King: “He sure did, JR, but I’ve got a funny feeling that that’s just a preview of what’s to come tonight.”
We head to the ring to Lillian.
Lillian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is for the Lightweight Championship. It will be a Hardcore Falls Count Anywhere match, where any superstar, at any time, can pin another, to become the new UWF Lightweight Champion! Let the match… begin!”
She exits the ring, and for a few seconds, the ring is empty. Suddenly, the Hurricane’s music hits and he charges to the ring. He grabs a mic, and starts talking.
“Come on, Come on. Me and all the fans have some people to save! I haven’t got all day. Get your ass out here and fight the WWE’s only true super-hero…THE HURRIC-”
He’s interrupted by team Octane’s music hitting, and Paul London and Brian Kendrick sprint to the ring.
Hurricane goes to work on Kendrick, but London comes from behind with a quick DDT. Kendrick gets up, and the two run two opposite corners, and climb to the top turnbuckle. When Hurricane gets up, the two give him flying cross-bodies, one to his front, one to his back, sandwiching him and leaving him winded on the ground. London climbs high, and Kendrick hoists the Hurricane up on his shoulders for a powerbomb. He faces side on to London, and London jumps in and gives the Hurricane a flying neckbreaker, as Kendrick powerbombs him to the mat. The two are about to cover, when MNM hit the ring. Mercury begins to work on Kendrick, and Nitro takes London. Mercury puts Kendrick in an armbar, then gives him a kneedrop across his arm. Kendrick is in agony, and slowly gets to his feet, holding his arm, when Mercury hits him with a side-on spear straight into his injured arm! Nitro hits a Russian leg sweep on London. Then puts him in position for the powerbomb. But when London is hoisted high, he starts throwing rights at Nitro, who is struggling. London eventually forces Nitro to fall on to his back, and as London comes down, he hits a turning Joey Mercury with a huge clothesline. London checks on Kendrick, who is still down. Suddenly, Melina gets up on the apron, and appears to be checking on Nitro. She hands him something, and London sees her, and runs over. She backs off, scared, and says she’s sorry. London shouts “You will be,” and she pleads with him. He signals for her to get on her knees and beg to him. She is about to, when London has a better idea. He signals to his lips, and asks Melina to plant him one. The crowd cheers, and a “****” chant goes up, but Melina shrugs, and leans in. Suddenly, Nitro crawls up, and with brass knuckles that Melina gave him, he low blows London and covers! 1,2…NO! Kendrick comes from the top rope with a leg drop!! Kendrick plays with the crowd and climbs high!! He is about to jump on Nitro, and is mid-air, when Hurricane appears and nails him with a metal chair. The crowd boo’s violently.
King: “OH MY GOD, JR, HURRICANE IS REVIVED!!”
Hurricane begins delivering chairshots to everyone, then, when Kendrick gets up, Hurricane chokeslams him onto a chair. He covers, but out of nowhere, Super Crazy moonsaults from the top rope, breaking the count. Crazy drags Hurricane up the entranceway, hitting him with a steel pipe, while the crowd chants “WE LOVE YOU MEXICANS!!” and Crazy gestures to them, feeding off their liveliness. They wrestle into backstage, and Crazy throws Hurricane into a stand of gas cylinders. Something sets the gas off, and the stand erupts into a shower of flames!!
JR: “MY GOD! MY GOD! HURRICANE IS ON FIRE. SOMEBODY GET IN THERE! MEDICS OR SOMETHING.”
As Crazy was taking Helms up the entrance ramp, MNM were getting up. They looked at the screen displaying the action backstage, and ran back. They didn’t realise, however, that Team Octane followed, both armed with 2x4s!! MNM attacked a resting Super Crazy, and double clotheslined him into a garage door. When they turned, Team Octane attacked them with the 2x4s, and both Nitro and Mercury were busted open. Melina appeared, and screamed when she saw Nitro and Mercury on the ground. Kendrick and London grinned at each other, then trapped Melina. London grabbed a nearby electrical wire and snapped it in half, as Kendrick restrained her. London tied her to a bar, and tied her legs together. She’s left hanging, and team Octane begin to walk away, before stopping, and turning. London walks up and pulls Melina’s skirt down, and the two turn around, to see Nitro and Mercury slowly getting up, near a glass panel. Kendrick gives Mercury a ‘rana, but London pulls off one of the moves of the night. Sprinting forward, he launches into a missile drop kick, sending Nitro through the glass panel, and into the car-lot. London peers over the edge, and sees Nitro has fallen on top of a lorry!!! A referee stands down there (Refs were in all backstage areas as it was a falls count anywhere match) and looks on. Kendrick, behind London, is exchanging blows with Super Crazy, and gains the upper hand, hitting him with an arm drag and then a headscissors, before giving him a blow to the neck with solid wooden cupboard. London steps back from the edge, gets a run up…and moonsaults onto Nitro!!!!! The two crash through the roof of the lorry, and London covers. The referee counts the pinfall -1, 2, 3 – and London is the new Lightweight Champion!!
Lillian: “Here is your winner, and new UWF Lightweight Champion…Paul London!”
Aftermath: Brian Kendrick picks up Mercury and gives him a running rana down into the car park, going down a good 7 metre drop. Two referees help them off, and Melina is still left hanging with her skirt down, unknown to Nitro and Mercury, as the two are carried off.Cryme Tyme walk towards Bischoff’s office, and barge in.
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE IS NOT INTENDED TO BE RACIST, NOR IS IT MY VIEW ON THE SPEECH OF BLACK PEOPLE. IT IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.
Bischoff: “Wow, wow, wow. Who do you think you are, barging in like tha-”
Shad: “Shut it, Momma’s boy.”
Crowd cheers.
Bischoff: “Nobody insults me like tha-”
Shad: “Yeah, except for me. Listen, tonight, there’s a match for the UTTs. Me and JTG over here, we already got bling. But we go add to dat collection, a’rite? We gonna walk out there, kick some asses, and walk out of dat ring as da new UTTs.”
Bischoff: “That is if you’re even in the match.”
JTG: “Wha? What you say? Come here, man. I SAID COME HERE.”
Bischoff walks over.
JTG: “You got yo controversy ‘n’ dat. But let’s see if you got tha balls to look me in da face, ‘n’ tell me dat we not in da match tonight.”
Bischoff looks at his feet nervously, then stutters
“Ok, ok. You’re in. But watch it. I can give you two words that’ll send you back where you came from.”
Shad: “Oh, thanks boss. Come on, group hug.”
Bischoff looks nervous, but has no choice. The camera pans to behind Bischoff’s back, facing Cryme Tyme. As they hug, Shad and JTG pick pocket him, and present Bischoff’s phone and wallet and silently celebrate.
They quickly mutter “Cya, boss,” before walking off, as Bischoff looks furious, not knowing his wallet and phone are gone.
When the two get out into the corridor, they cheer and whoop loudly, and go past the area where the Lightweight title ended up. Shad stops, and whistles loudly. The two stop, and the camera pans as we see Melina, still hanging there, skirt down, looking scared. Shad and JTG stand there for a while, then are about to walk off, when they turn around, and give her a spank!! Then they turn to leave, when they see Goldust approaching. They turn, look to each other, and laugh. They walk over to Goldust, who is muttering to himself. They point out Melina, and whisper something in his ear. Then they stand, laughing, as Goldust goes to the locker-room. Suddenly, he returns…carrying a tub of cream cheese!! He approaches Melina, and looks up at her, grinning sadistically. Dipping his hand in the cheese, he begins rubbing it on Melina’s stomach! Cryme Tyme are cracking up, and Melina is screaming.
JTG: “Oh man, this is funny shit!”
Shad: “Ey, you can’t swear on TV. Fuck, man!”
There’s a silence, and the two start laughing. They walk away, and Shad says: “Damnit that guy’s a freak!”
Commercial Break.
When we return, Blackfired (Mark Henry, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Ron Simmons, Xcite {New to the Company} and Coach) are discussing who’ll go in the tag team championship match tonight.
Coach: “Alrite, here’s how it is. Tonight, we got us, Cryme Tyme and 2 other teams in a fatal four-way tables match.”
Mark Henry: “What? Tables?”
Coach: “I spoke to Mr. GM, and he gave me a rundown. We choose two members to represent us, and to take the gold.”
Benjamin: “Ok, but hang on. We ain’t go send no-one in there without back up. We gon’ go down der, ey Coach?”
Coach: “Yeah, dats rite. Look, Mark, your gonna be in contention for the championship of champions, the UWC. Ron, you our special enforcer, with you, MVP. It’s your two’s jobs to get out there and bust some ass. That leaves Shelton and Xcite. You two, you two gonna walk outta there as the UTTs. Youz got that?”
All: “YEAH!”
They walk out, and bump into Todd Grisham.
Todd: “Guys, guys. Can I’ve a word?”
Coach: “Maybe, depends.”
Todd looks confused, before continuing.
“Anyway, I was just wondering if you could give us your thoughts on tonight’s match, y’know, and…”
Mark Henry: “Todd, did you hear the man? *Points to Coach* He said ‘depends.’ You talk to us, a run yo shitty interviews when I and we say so. Show some respect, or I’ll beat some into ya.”
Todd: “Hey, cool it, man. You gotta calm down. I’m just doing my job. Of course I respect you, but at the moment…”
Mark Henry: “Wow. Someone just discovered his balls. But Todd, (He grins sadistically) when we’ve finished with you, you’ll wished you hadn’t.”
He knocks him to the floor, and then throws him into the plasma TV head first. Xcite picks him up, and throws him into a stack of chairs, and then Shelton kicks him into a wall, before Coach picks him up, wipes Todd’s blood onto his hand, and then slaps him in the face. They’re walking away, but Ron Simmonds turns and says “Damn!”
The camera pans to JR as we prepare for an announcement from Stacy Keibler.
JR: “What a despicable act. They should be locked up and someone should damn well throw away the key.”
King: “Well JR, at least we can take some comfort in the fact that sometime, they’ll get what’s coming to them.”
Stacy: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m here tonight, to address some unfinished business. On the last episode of WWE Raw, Mark Henry came out and cornered me, because I refused him. But I was saved, by a single man. And that man was Randy Orton. *The crowd cheers, as Randy turned face.*But I never properly said thankyou. And so Randy, if you’re ready to receive my thanks, I’d like you to come out here right now.”
Randy’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring.
Randy: “Stacy, I don’t think I’ll ever be more ready than right now.”
Stacy leans in, and the two prepare to kiss, when Mark Henry runs to the ring. Stacy screams, and Randy turns, straight into a metal pipe from Henry. Orton’s out cold, and Henry approaches Stacy. She looks for an escape, when suddenly, Blackfired (without Xcite and Benjamin) appear, and she is cut off. Henry begins to close in, when suddenly “You think you know me…know me…” hits and Edge comes down, with Cena, CM Punk and Christian! They are all holding metal chairs, and they get into the ring, staring each other off, while Stacy bails to the announce table.
JR: “Oh my, looks like a full scale gang war’s about to break out right in the middle of the ring!”
Suddenly, Henry charges at Cena with the pipe, who ducks, and hits him in the back with the chair. Christian goes after coach, while Edge takes out Ron Simmons and Punk nails MVP with a chair-shot to the ribs. Cena smashes Henry across the head with the chair, and Henry holds himself up by the turnbuckle, dizzily. Cena taps him on the shoulder, and when he turns, Cena gives him a huge, 400 pound, FU! By this time, Simmons had managed to give Edge a kick to the gut and grab the chair, and proceeds to lay out Punk and Christian, who was about to give Coach an unprettier onto a chair. Cena runs to check on Edge, while MVP (who grabbed the chair of Punk) and Simmons taunt the crowd, facing away from Cena and Edge. When they turn, Edge hits Simmons with a huge spear and Cena clotheslines MVP and locks in the STFU. Edge turns around, straight into a Coach chair-shot! Then, Punk, who has recovered, gives Coachman a low blow, and Christian dropkicks a revived Mark Henry to the face! Then, Cena locks in the STFU for a while on Henry, while the others beat down Coach, Simmons and MVP. Then, Punk goes to Henry and hits him with a Pepsi Plunge, before Cena takes him to the top rope. He stands on the top turnbuckle, and picks Henry up on his shoulders for an FU. Because he his high off the ground, Henry flips in mid-air, and half way down, Edge delivers a MASSIVE spear! To finish it off, they stack up the chairs in the middle of the ring, and Christian gives Mark Henry an unprettier right onto the chair. The crowd goes absolutely nuts, and Cena grabs a mic. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are…THE NEW DAMNATION!!”
The crowd goes off, and the noise is deafening. Medics rush to take Blackfired to the back, and we head to JR and King.
JR: “Wow, King. We’ve just seen a powerful new force, the new damnation, leave Blackfired motionless in the ring.”
King: “We sure have JR, and I don’t think that’ll be the end of this.”
JR: “Now that Coach and co. are out, Xcite and Benjamin are gonna be on their own in tonight’s 4 way tables match for the UTT!”
King: “Don’t forget the match that will determine the new UWC tonight as well. But before that, after the break, we have a Four Way Texas Tornado Tables Match!”
Commercial Break.
When we return, Lillian Garcia is in the ring.
Lillian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a Four Way Texas Tornado Tables Elimination Match, for the UTTs!! Teams are eliminated in only one way – by one member going through a table. Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 530lbs, Cryme Tyme!”
The two get into the ring and the crowd cheers loudly.
Then, Blackfired’s music hits, and Xcite and Benjamin sprint to the ring, with a violent boo erupting from the crowd. Following them, there is a silence, and the crowd begins to become restless. Suddenly, the Dudley’s music hits and Bubba Ray and Devon walk to the ring to a standing ovation! Lastly, the silence is present again, and again, the crowd begins to become restless. Suddenly, Team Xtreme’s music hits, and they sprint to the ring, with the crowd going absolutely crazy, as the Hardy’s receive the biggest pop of the night so far!!
JR: “My god, the Dudleyz and Team Xtreme make their return to wrestling!!”
The bell rings, and the teams size each other up. Cryme Tyme and Blackfired go for each other, while the Dudley’s and Hardy’s approach each other. Shad begins throwing rights at Benjamin, while Xcite has JTG in a headlock. Jeff Hardy kicks D-Von to the gut and hits a DDT, while Matt gives Bubba Ray a neckbreaker after hitting an arm-drag. Xcite gives JTG a snapmare, then a german suplex, before locking in a sleeper hold.
JR: “Wow, great versatility there from Xcite, he looks a promising asset to UWF, if he can lose Blackfired.”
Benjamin fights back with elbows to the guts of Shad, and then gives him a standing dropkick, sending the big man crashing to the the floor. JTG breaks free of the sleeper, and he and Xcite begin to fight. Matt and Jeff go to the outside and set up a table, push it so it is touching the ring apron, then climb back into the ring. They pick up the Dudleys and go for the Twist of Fate, but the Dudleys reverse it by slamming both men down onto their backs. They pick up Matt and give him a double suplex then DDT, before doing the same to Jeff. Then, they walk over to Cryme Tyme and begin helping them beat down on Benjamin and Xcite. Benjamin gains the upper hand on D-Von and Shad though, by delivering vicious kicks to the legs and midsection. He gets a superkick in on Shad, before giving D-Von, who ran at him, a T-Bone Suplex. Jeff and Matt are recuperating and talking on the ropes. Shelton sees his chance, and sprints, attempting to clothesline the Hardy’s over the top rope through the table!! He’s about to connect, when, at the last minute, the two turn, and give him a double suplex through the table, but he flips over, and just misses it!!
Suddenly, Blackfired’s music hits, and…Blackfired makes its way to the ring!
JR: “What?! I thought…OH NO. Somebody get security.”
King: “Don’t get damned security, get a freaking riot squad!”
They all carry weapons, but the referee sees them, and begins to shout at them to go away. Xcite breaks away from Bubba Ray and JTG, and low blows the ref!! Benjamin, who is on the outside, grabs a chair, and levels Matt and Jeff, who thought he’d been eliminated! Blackfired run in, but the Dudleyz and Cryme Tyme manage to bail out an hide under the ring, leaving only Matt and Jeff in the ring. Blackfired grab the two, and proceed to give out one of the most unglorified and hellacious beatings ever, using Barbed Wire Baseball Bats, Sledgehammers, Metal Chairs, 2x4s, Kendo Sticks, Steel Pipes and Computer Monitors. They all face the entrance-way, working on Matt and Jeff. Suddenly, Cryme Tyme and the Dudleyz appear with 4 ladders, and slide into the ring. The crowd goes nuts, as the 4 lay out Blackfired, who are caught by surprise. Blackfired slip through the 4, heading to the announcers area, and they grab the belts, and sprint to the ramp. The crowd is booing like crazy, as the 6 stand, arms raised. Suddenly, the arena goes dark, and when the lights appear, Blackfired is out cold, and standing over them, with chairs in their hands, are…THE NEW DAMNATION!
JR: “HERE COMES THE SECURITY, KING!”
The crowd goes off, with this pop completely passing that of any heard earlier tonight. The New Damnation take the belts back to the announce table, before calling medics, who send Blackfired to the local hospital.
BLACKFIRED ARE ELIMINATED
Back in the ring, The Dudleyz attacked Cryme Tyme with the ladders, and now have taken control. They put Shad in between a ladder, and then sprint in, shoulder-charging the ladder, squashing the big man inside cold, hard, steel. JTG is on the floor and the Dudleyz throw him over the top rope. The Hardy’s are out cold, so D-Von goes to get a table! Bubba Ray climbs to the top of a ladder, and D-Von picks up Shad and they two get in position for a 3D, with Bubba Ray looking for a cutter from atop the ladder! Suddenly, as Bubba jumps, JTG low-blows D-Von, causing D-Von to drop Shad, who just misses the table. Bubba Ray falls straight through, eliminating the Dudley Boyz!!
DUDLEY BOYZ ARE ELIMINATED
The Dudleys are helped to the back, while Shad and JTG recover. The Hardy’s are slowly getting to their feet, when JTG and Shad clothesline both down, before taunting to the crowd from the top rope. The Hardy’s got up, and climbed to the top rope and gave both Shad and JTG reverse superplexes. Matt dragged a sledgehammer and ladder out from under the ring, and Jeff hit Whisper in the Wind on Shad, then a Twist of Fate on JTG. After nailing both with the sledgehammer, they place both men on the one table, and climbed alternative ladders. Then, both prepared to jump. As Jeff hit the Swanton Bomb on Shad, Matt’s attempted leg-drop on JTG failed when JTG rolled out of the way! Both Shad and Matt went through the table at the same time, and referees filled the ring, talking. The result was that the match should continue!! Jeff and JTG began brawling, but JTG began to beat down Jeff, taking complete control. He rolled Jeff onto the table, and climb up to a ladder. By this time, Matt had recovered, and when JTG was about to jump, he climbed the ladder and the two brawled atop it! Unknown to JTG, Jeff quickly rolled off the table, hit a quick DDT on a recovering Shad, then climbed up JTG’s side of the ladder, and giving him a low blow!! Matt punched him in the stomach, and gave him a rana’ through the table!!!!
CRYME TYME ARE ELIMINATED
Lillian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, here are your winners, and new UTTs…THE HARDY BOYZ!”
Torque!
The chorus of “For those about to Rock” by ACDC blares through the MSG, the green pyro display goes off, and so do the fans. Welcome to week 1 of Torque!!
“No Chance in Hell” hits, and Vince McMahon struts his way to the ring, a mic in hand.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, and the millions watching at home, welcome. Welcome to the very place where, by all you fans, a revolution shall be witnessed. When your children study the history of the USA, a date they will see shall be July 4th 1776. Next to that date, ladies and gentlemen, will be this, the 20th of November, 2006!! Tonight is a night you shall tell your children about, and they will tell their children of, and so on and so forth. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen…UWF is BORN!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The crowd stands and gives Vince a standing ovation, and the applause continues for 3 or so minutes. Vince appears overjoyed, and tears appear in his eyes.
“Ahem. You have all seen WWE. We’ve seen WCW. We’ve seen ECW, but nothing, I repeat, nothing, you have or will ever see shall match the three letters that I am about to say.”
*The Crowd Say Them with Vince*
“U-W-F!!”
“And so, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Torque’s official GM…”
J.R.: Who will it be King? Shane? Teddy? Stephanie-“
“I’m Back” hits, and Eric Bischoff comes to the ring, smiling, holding a briefcase.
King: “Oh My God, J.R.!! It’s Eric Bischoff! He’s back in UWF!!”
Bischoff: “The first thing I’d like to say to everyone here, especially Vince, is…thankyou. Thankyou for giving me a second chance. I left the WWE on angry terms…and well, they were, let’s say undesirable. But no more of the past. More of the future. In short, I have an oath to swear, a promise to give. I promise, people, I promise one thing, and one thing only. That every Monday Night, when you tune in to the CW Network, you will be witnessing the most entertaining, the most pure, the most spectacular, the most hardcore, and damnit the most controversial show ever witnessed by any living person!!”
The crowd roars, and Vince claps.
“And what better way to do that, to become that GM, than to announce UWF’s first ever PPV, Terminal Velocity in just 5 weeks!!”
Once again, Bischoff whips the crowd into a frenzy, and a deafening “UWF” chant ripples through the arena.
“But to have a PPV, folks, you need a champion. Champions in fact. And tonight, guys, 4 new championships will be introduced. Tonight, you will have the UTTs (Universal Tag Titles), the NHC (Northern Hemisphere Championship), the LWC (Lightweight Championship), and most importantly, guys, the UWC!!!! (Undisputed World Champion). And without further delay…LET’S GET IT ON!!!!!”
*He and Vince embrace, and walk to the back, as we go to commercial.*
When we return, Bischoff is sitting in his office, the four gold and silver encrusted belts lying on his desk. His cell phone rings, and he picks up.
“Hello? Oh, hey. Yeah, you good? Alright, see you in ten.”
J.R.: “What was that all about, King?”
King: I dunno, J.R., but there’s one thing I’m sure of, with Bischoff around, it won’t be long till we find out.
We cut to Carlito, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, Chavo Guerrero, Nitro and Ken Kennedy standing in a locker-room.
Bischoff enters through the door, with a concerned look on his face.
“Guys, guys, listen up. I’m in a hurry, so listen good. Tonight, you 6 will compete for the NHC. The stipulation is this. You have no idea of the stipulation of the match, except for one thing. You are all able to chose a weapon, and no, it’s not a “Weapon of Your Choice” match. Give em to Joey Styles in no less than 45 minutes, or you’ll go in empty handed.”
They nod, but Carlito, Rey and Booker step up.
Rey: “Listen, Bischoff. I’m gonna make something clear right now. No matter what you think, us three don’t bust our asses out there for you. We do it for the fans.”
*The fans cheer, and a brief 619 chant starts up.*
“I don’t like you. We don’t like you. You planning something? You got a card up your sleeve? Well I tell you somin’ boy. I only need three cards. You know what they are? 6. 1. 9.”
*Crowd gives Rey a huge pop, and a 619 chant, louder and longer this time, springs up.*
Carlito: “Now dat’ was cool.”
*Takes a bite out of his apple and spits it in Bischoff’s face. The crowd cheers.*
Booker T begins to walk out with Rey and Carlito, but stops, and turns to Bischoff.
“I guess the question is, CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUCKAAAAAAAAAAA?!!!!”
*The three walk out of the room, to a massive pop, especially after Booker’s comment. Bischoff storms out of the room, leaving the others standing.”
Commercial Break
When we return, Kurt Angle is walking through the carpark in a suit with a briefcase. He stops by his locker-room, and puts it down, before heading on to Bischoff’s locker.
Kurt: “Eric? What’s up?”
Bischoff: Mysterio, Booker, Carlit- Oh don’t worry. Listen Kurt, tonight, I’ve called you in here to explain the UWC match tonight. Tonight, if you are willing to go along with my little plan-“
Kurt: “Eric, I’m in. Me n’ you. All the way. Ruling the roost. But what I care about most, is my winning the UWC tonight.”
Bischoff: “Kurt, Kurt. It’s all done. Trust me, when you get into that ring tonight, you won’t be getting in alone.”
Triple H walks in, with a black muscle shirt and sunnies on, and looks at Kurt, then Bischoff.
Triple H: “You know Bischoff, for once your right. Kurt Angle will not be getting in that ring alone. Kurt, your getting in that very ring tonight, with the King of Kings, the Cerebral Assassin…THE GAME!!”
*The crowd goes off*
Kurt: “Listen, Hunter. You may be the King of Kings. You may be the Cerebral Assassin. You may be the game. But your not, Hunter, an Olympic Gold Medallist. You are not a wrestling machine. And most importantly, you’re not walking out of that ring as the UWC tonight.”
Triple H smiles, chews his gum, and looks at Kurt up and down, before walking out, smiling. We see him walk away, then pause, and eavesdrop through the door.
Bischoff: “Don’t worry, Kurt, all you gotta focus on is preparing for that match tonight. And trust me. I will make sure that he doesn’t walk out of this arena as the first UWC.”
Kurt shakes Eric’s hand firmly, and leaves. We see Hunter swear and head to the locker room.
Back in ring:
Lillian: “The following match, ladies and gentlemen, is for the NHC, and it is….a six way HELLS BELLS match!”
J.R.: What?! Hells Bells? We going old school, King!”
King: “Wow! Haven’t seen this one for years!”
Lillian: “This match involves the following. The 6 men enter at random, and all have their numbers. 2 start, inside a 17 foot steel cage, with 5 weapons suspended from above the cage, each having been individually chosen by a competitor! A new competitor enters when the arena’s lights go off and the bells sound!”
*Lillian slips out of the ring, and from the rafters, which were previously shrouded in darkness, emerges the steel cage!!”
J.R.: “Oh My! The brutal structure returns! This match promises to be our lil’ favourite – an absolute SLOBBERKNOCKER!!”
Then, the arena is ensconced in darkness, and bells sound. When the lights return, Nitro and Carlito stand in the ring.
The two lock up, and Nitro overpowers Carlito to a corner. He gives him punches, and the crowd counts them – 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8 – and boo’s him viciously. Carlito is slumped in the corner, and Nitro goes to the opposite corner, before running in and hitting Carlito with a running dropkick. Carlito is now drowsy, and Nitro picks him up and takes him up to the top rope, slowly. He gets there, and gets Carlito in position for a superplex. Carlito delivers and elbow to the gut, and then out of nowhere hits a flying DDT from the top rope! Nitro is laid out, but Carlito is also down. The referee begins to count – 1,2,3,4 – Carlito gets to his knees -5, 6 – Carlito gets up and the referee breaks the count. Carlito makes his way to the top turnbuckle, and gets in position for a moonsault, with his back to Nitro. Nitro, who had been playing possum, gets up, and Carlito flips off, straight into a dropkick from Nitro. Carlito is completely out of it, and Nitro climbs high, to the top of the cage, and grabs a weapon…A BARBED WIRE BASEBALL BAT!! Jumping down, he picks Carlito up, and stands him in the middle of the ring. He bounces himself of the rope and lines Carlito up, preparing for a shot to the face with the baseball bat! He runs at Carlito, but at the last second, Carlito sidesteps Nitro, and showing amazing speed, quickly gives Nitro a devastating backbreaker. Carlito again climbs high, taunting for a moonsault onto Nitro. Suddenly the lights go out, and the bells sound.
J.R.: Who’s coming in, King?
King: I dunno, J.R., but we’re about to find out.
However, when the lights return, no-one is in the ring, and the baseball bat has vanished. Carlito looks around, and, seeing no-one, shrugs, and motions for a moonsault again. Playing with the crowd, he doesn’t notice Mr.Kennedy slip into the ring, armed with the baseball bat. Carlito flips, and Kennedy hits Carlito in the face with the bat, mid-air! He goes to check on Nitro, who is still in pain on the ground. After a few minutes, Nitro staggers to his feet. Kennedy climbs to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top of the cage. From the roof of the cage, in his left hand he grasps a 2x4 and brings it to the ring! Carlito is now kneeling against the turnbuckle, as Kennedy drops to the floor. After Nitro gets the baseball bat. The two approach the corner, preparing to blast Carlito’s back. Suddenly, the lights go out, and the bells sound. When we return, mister 619 himself is standing on the top rope, and to Nitro and Kennedy’s disbelief, he gives them both top rope drop-kicks, though he doesn’t complete connect with Kennedy. Kennedy manages to keep his balance whilst holding his face. Rey springs up, and grabbing the 2x4, smashes it over Kennedy’s head, sending him to the middle rope. As Rey prepares the 619, again the lights are out, and the gong is heard. When we return, Rey bounces himself off the ropes…straight into a Chavo Guerrero 3 Amigos!
King: It’s Chavo JR!! What a huge turnaround!
Nitro now gets up, and comes in behind Chavo, and lands a quick low blow! But when he stands, Carlito gives him a quickfire backcracker! Then, when Kennedy somehow gets up, Carlito connects with the springboard elbow!! Carlito drags Guerrero to the top turnbuckle, and gets him in position for a superplex into the steel cage! He hit’s it, and Guerrero is busted open at the back of his head! Carlito taunts to the crowd from the top rope, and looks to hit Kennedy with a flying elbow. He jumps, but Kennedy rolls out of the way, leaving Carlito to crash and burn. Kennedy goes high, and looks to hit a leg-drop. Nitro has been hurt badly by Rey’s top-rope dropkick, and is still down. As Kennedy ascends to the top turnbuckle, the lights hit, the bells ring, and Booker T appears centre-ring, eyes wide, staring at Kennedy. Kennedy jumps at him for a flying shoulder-block, but Booker gives him a spectacular mid-air spinning kick, sending Kenendy over the ropes, into the steel cage! Rey gets up, and Booker checks on him. Suddenly, Nitro runs in from behind and gives the two a double Bulldog! However, he turns straight into an inverted suplex from Carlito! Carlito quickly covers, 1, 2, Nitro kicks out at 2 and a half. Carlito gets up with Rey and Booker, and the three stand over Nitro. Nitro stands and Carlito gives him a quick back-cracker, before Rey climbs high, and after Nitro is stood up by Booker, he gives Nitro a flying ‘rana. Then, Carlito stands Nitro centre-ring, and Booker kicks him to the gut. Carlito and Rey see Chavo and Kennedy rising, and the two climb to opposite turnbuckles. (NB: Kennedy and Chavo were super-plexed into the steel cage from different turnbuckles on the same side of the ring). As Kennedy and Chavo rise, they give them each a cross-body, squashing Chavo and Kennedy between themselves and the steel mesh! In ring, Booker hits the Book-End on Nitro and covers – 1, 2, 3, to become the new NHC champion!!
Lillian: “Here is your winner, and new, NH Champion, Booooker TTTTTTTTTTT!!!
Aftermath: Rey, Carlito and Booker celebrate in the ring, before heading to the back.
Commercial Break.
When we return, we cut to the parking lot, where Bischoff is talking to two hooded men in black tracksuits, both with hidden faces.
Bischoff: “Guys, trust me. You do that for me, and it won’t be a one-sided bargain. You in, or not? Coz’ there are plenty of others who’ll do it if…”
One of the Hooded Men: “OK, Eric, we’re in. You got yourself enforcers.”
Eric heads to the locker-room, and knocks on Shawn Michaels door.
HBK: “Come in.”
Bischoff: “Listen Shawn. Tonight, you know situation, I spoke to you earlier. You’ve had time to think, and I need to know your decision. But one more thing. You do this, and I can guarantee you the first shot at the UWC. No matter what, you’ll be the first after tonight to compete for that title. Basically, the question is: do we have a deal?”
HBK: “Look, Eric. You come here tonight, asking the icon, the showstopper, the HEARTBREAK KID SHAWN MICHAELS (*Crowd Cheers*) to do that for you?”
Bischoff: “Yeah, pretty much.”
HBK: “Look Bischoff, in answer to your question, I’ve got two words for ya… (*Crowd goes crazy*) HELL NO!!!!”
Bischoff looks flabbergasted, and walks out, but offers a parting shot:
“Trust me, Shawn, you’ll regret saying that.”
HBK: “No Bischoff, but you will.”
As Bischoff turns around to ask “What?,” HBK gets up and gives him a coupla’ notes o’ Sweet Chin Music, before dragging Bischoff out of his locker-room, and leaving him lying on the floor.
The Cameras pan out to JR and King.
JR: “Wow, King. HBK just laid out the new GM. Some statement!!”
King: “He sure did, JR, but I’ve got a funny feeling that that’s just a preview of what’s to come tonight.”
We head to the ring to Lillian.
Lillian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is for the Lightweight Championship. It will be a Hardcore Falls Count Anywhere match, where any superstar, at any time, can pin another, to become the new UWF Lightweight Champion! Let the match… begin!”
She exits the ring, and for a few seconds, the ring is empty. Suddenly, the Hurricane’s music hits and he charges to the ring. He grabs a mic, and starts talking.
“Come on, Come on. Me and all the fans have some people to save! I haven’t got all day. Get your ass out here and fight the WWE’s only true super-hero…THE HURRIC-”
He’s interrupted by team Octane’s music hitting, and Paul London and Brian Kendrick sprint to the ring.
Hurricane goes to work on Kendrick, but London comes from behind with a quick DDT. Kendrick gets up, and the two run two opposite corners, and climb to the top turnbuckle. When Hurricane gets up, the two give him flying cross-bodies, one to his front, one to his back, sandwiching him and leaving him winded on the ground. London climbs high, and Kendrick hoists the Hurricane up on his shoulders for a powerbomb. He faces side on to London, and London jumps in and gives the Hurricane a flying neckbreaker, as Kendrick powerbombs him to the mat. The two are about to cover, when MNM hit the ring. Mercury begins to work on Kendrick, and Nitro takes London. Mercury puts Kendrick in an armbar, then gives him a kneedrop across his arm. Kendrick is in agony, and slowly gets to his feet, holding his arm, when Mercury hits him with a side-on spear straight into his injured arm! Nitro hits a Russian leg sweep on London. Then puts him in position for the powerbomb. But when London is hoisted high, he starts throwing rights at Nitro, who is struggling. London eventually forces Nitro to fall on to his back, and as London comes down, he hits a turning Joey Mercury with a huge clothesline. London checks on Kendrick, who is still down. Suddenly, Melina gets up on the apron, and appears to be checking on Nitro. She hands him something, and London sees her, and runs over. She backs off, scared, and says she’s sorry. London shouts “You will be,” and she pleads with him. He signals for her to get on her knees and beg to him. She is about to, when London has a better idea. He signals to his lips, and asks Melina to plant him one. The crowd cheers, and a “****” chant goes up, but Melina shrugs, and leans in. Suddenly, Nitro crawls up, and with brass knuckles that Melina gave him, he low blows London and covers! 1,2…NO! Kendrick comes from the top rope with a leg drop!! Kendrick plays with the crowd and climbs high!! He is about to jump on Nitro, and is mid-air, when Hurricane appears and nails him with a metal chair. The crowd boo’s violently.
King: “OH MY GOD, JR, HURRICANE IS REVIVED!!”
Hurricane begins delivering chairshots to everyone, then, when Kendrick gets up, Hurricane chokeslams him onto a chair. He covers, but out of nowhere, Super Crazy moonsaults from the top rope, breaking the count. Crazy drags Hurricane up the entranceway, hitting him with a steel pipe, while the crowd chants “WE LOVE YOU MEXICANS!!” and Crazy gestures to them, feeding off their liveliness. They wrestle into backstage, and Crazy throws Hurricane into a stand of gas cylinders. Something sets the gas off, and the stand erupts into a shower of flames!!
JR: “MY GOD! MY GOD! HURRICANE IS ON FIRE. SOMEBODY GET IN THERE! MEDICS OR SOMETHING.”
As Crazy was taking Helms up the entrance ramp, MNM were getting up. They looked at the screen displaying the action backstage, and ran back. They didn’t realise, however, that Team Octane followed, both armed with 2x4s!! MNM attacked a resting Super Crazy, and double clotheslined him into a garage door. When they turned, Team Octane attacked them with the 2x4s, and both Nitro and Mercury were busted open. Melina appeared, and screamed when she saw Nitro and Mercury on the ground. Kendrick and London grinned at each other, then trapped Melina. London grabbed a nearby electrical wire and snapped it in half, as Kendrick restrained her. London tied her to a bar, and tied her legs together. She’s left hanging, and team Octane begin to walk away, before stopping, and turning. London walks up and pulls Melina’s skirt down, and the two turn around, to see Nitro and Mercury slowly getting up, near a glass panel. Kendrick gives Mercury a ‘rana, but London pulls off one of the moves of the night. Sprinting forward, he launches into a missile drop kick, sending Nitro through the glass panel, and into the car-lot. London peers over the edge, and sees Nitro has fallen on top of a lorry!!! A referee stands down there (Refs were in all backstage areas as it was a falls count anywhere match) and looks on. Kendrick, behind London, is exchanging blows with Super Crazy, and gains the upper hand, hitting him with an arm drag and then a headscissors, before giving him a blow to the neck with solid wooden cupboard. London steps back from the edge, gets a run up…and moonsaults onto Nitro!!!!! The two crash through the roof of the lorry, and London covers. The referee counts the pinfall -1, 2, 3 – and London is the new Lightweight Champion!!
Lillian: “Here is your winner, and new UWF Lightweight Champion…Paul London!”
Aftermath: Brian Kendrick picks up Mercury and gives him a running rana down into the car park, going down a good 7 metre drop. Two referees help them off, and Melina is still left hanging with her skirt down, unknown to Nitro and Mercury, as the two are carried off.Cryme Tyme walk towards Bischoff’s office, and barge in.
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE IS NOT INTENDED TO BE RACIST, NOR IS IT MY VIEW ON THE SPEECH OF BLACK PEOPLE. IT IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.
Bischoff: “Wow, wow, wow. Who do you think you are, barging in like tha-”
Shad: “Shut it, Momma’s boy.”
Crowd cheers.
Bischoff: “Nobody insults me like tha-”
Shad: “Yeah, except for me. Listen, tonight, there’s a match for the UTTs. Me and JTG over here, we already got bling. But we go add to dat collection, a’rite? We gonna walk out there, kick some asses, and walk out of dat ring as da new UTTs.”
Bischoff: “That is if you’re even in the match.”
JTG: “Wha? What you say? Come here, man. I SAID COME HERE.”
Bischoff walks over.
JTG: “You got yo controversy ‘n’ dat. But let’s see if you got tha balls to look me in da face, ‘n’ tell me dat we not in da match tonight.”
Bischoff looks at his feet nervously, then stutters
“Ok, ok. You’re in. But watch it. I can give you two words that’ll send you back where you came from.”
Shad: “Oh, thanks boss. Come on, group hug.”
Bischoff looks nervous, but has no choice. The camera pans to behind Bischoff’s back, facing Cryme Tyme. As they hug, Shad and JTG pick pocket him, and present Bischoff’s phone and wallet and silently celebrate.
They quickly mutter “Cya, boss,” before walking off, as Bischoff looks furious, not knowing his wallet and phone are gone.
When the two get out into the corridor, they cheer and whoop loudly, and go past the area where the Lightweight title ended up. Shad stops, and whistles loudly. The two stop, and the camera pans as we see Melina, still hanging there, skirt down, looking scared. Shad and JTG stand there for a while, then are about to walk off, when they turn around, and give her a spank!! Then they turn to leave, when they see Goldust approaching. They turn, look to each other, and laugh. They walk over to Goldust, who is muttering to himself. They point out Melina, and whisper something in his ear. Then they stand, laughing, as Goldust goes to the locker-room. Suddenly, he returns…carrying a tub of cream cheese!! He approaches Melina, and looks up at her, grinning sadistically. Dipping his hand in the cheese, he begins rubbing it on Melina’s stomach! Cryme Tyme are cracking up, and Melina is screaming.
JTG: “Oh man, this is funny shit!”
Shad: “Ey, you can’t swear on TV. Fuck, man!”
There’s a silence, and the two start laughing. They walk away, and Shad says: “Damnit that guy’s a freak!”
Commercial Break.
When we return, Blackfired (Mark Henry, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Ron Simmons, Xcite {New to the Company} and Coach) are discussing who’ll go in the tag team championship match tonight.
Coach: “Alrite, here’s how it is. Tonight, we got us, Cryme Tyme and 2 other teams in a fatal four-way tables match.”
Mark Henry: “What? Tables?”
Coach: “I spoke to Mr. GM, and he gave me a rundown. We choose two members to represent us, and to take the gold.”
Benjamin: “Ok, but hang on. We ain’t go send no-one in there without back up. We gon’ go down der, ey Coach?”
Coach: “Yeah, dats rite. Look, Mark, your gonna be in contention for the championship of champions, the UWC. Ron, you our special enforcer, with you, MVP. It’s your two’s jobs to get out there and bust some ass. That leaves Shelton and Xcite. You two, you two gonna walk outta there as the UTTs. Youz got that?”
All: “YEAH!”
They walk out, and bump into Todd Grisham.
Todd: “Guys, guys. Can I’ve a word?”
Coach: “Maybe, depends.”
Todd looks confused, before continuing.
“Anyway, I was just wondering if you could give us your thoughts on tonight’s match, y’know, and…”
Mark Henry: “Todd, did you hear the man? *Points to Coach* He said ‘depends.’ You talk to us, a run yo shitty interviews when I and we say so. Show some respect, or I’ll beat some into ya.”
Todd: “Hey, cool it, man. You gotta calm down. I’m just doing my job. Of course I respect you, but at the moment…”
Mark Henry: “Wow. Someone just discovered his balls. But Todd, (He grins sadistically) when we’ve finished with you, you’ll wished you hadn’t.”
He knocks him to the floor, and then throws him into the plasma TV head first. Xcite picks him up, and throws him into a stack of chairs, and then Shelton kicks him into a wall, before Coach picks him up, wipes Todd’s blood onto his hand, and then slaps him in the face. They’re walking away, but Ron Simmonds turns and says “Damn!”
The camera pans to JR as we prepare for an announcement from Stacy Keibler.
JR: “What a despicable act. They should be locked up and someone should damn well throw away the key.”
King: “Well JR, at least we can take some comfort in the fact that sometime, they’ll get what’s coming to them.”
Stacy: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m here tonight, to address some unfinished business. On the last episode of WWE Raw, Mark Henry came out and cornered me, because I refused him. But I was saved, by a single man. And that man was Randy Orton. *The crowd cheers, as Randy turned face.*But I never properly said thankyou. And so Randy, if you’re ready to receive my thanks, I’d like you to come out here right now.”
Randy’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring.
Randy: “Stacy, I don’t think I’ll ever be more ready than right now.”
Stacy leans in, and the two prepare to kiss, when Mark Henry runs to the ring. Stacy screams, and Randy turns, straight into a metal pipe from Henry. Orton’s out cold, and Henry approaches Stacy. She looks for an escape, when suddenly, Blackfired (without Xcite and Benjamin) appear, and she is cut off. Henry begins to close in, when suddenly “You think you know me…know me…” hits and Edge comes down, with Cena, CM Punk and Christian! They are all holding metal chairs, and they get into the ring, staring each other off, while Stacy bails to the announce table.
JR: “Oh my, looks like a full scale gang war’s about to break out right in the middle of the ring!”
Suddenly, Henry charges at Cena with the pipe, who ducks, and hits him in the back with the chair. Christian goes after coach, while Edge takes out Ron Simmons and Punk nails MVP with a chair-shot to the ribs. Cena smashes Henry across the head with the chair, and Henry holds himself up by the turnbuckle, dizzily. Cena taps him on the shoulder, and when he turns, Cena gives him a huge, 400 pound, FU! By this time, Simmons had managed to give Edge a kick to the gut and grab the chair, and proceeds to lay out Punk and Christian, who was about to give Coach an unprettier onto a chair. Cena runs to check on Edge, while MVP (who grabbed the chair of Punk) and Simmons taunt the crowd, facing away from Cena and Edge. When they turn, Edge hits Simmons with a huge spear and Cena clotheslines MVP and locks in the STFU. Edge turns around, straight into a Coach chair-shot! Then, Punk, who has recovered, gives Coachman a low blow, and Christian dropkicks a revived Mark Henry to the face! Then, Cena locks in the STFU for a while on Henry, while the others beat down Coach, Simmons and MVP. Then, Punk goes to Henry and hits him with a Pepsi Plunge, before Cena takes him to the top rope. He stands on the top turnbuckle, and picks Henry up on his shoulders for an FU. Because he his high off the ground, Henry flips in mid-air, and half way down, Edge delivers a MASSIVE spear! To finish it off, they stack up the chairs in the middle of the ring, and Christian gives Mark Henry an unprettier right onto the chair. The crowd goes absolutely nuts, and Cena grabs a mic. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are…THE NEW DAMNATION!!”
The crowd goes off, and the noise is deafening. Medics rush to take Blackfired to the back, and we head to JR and King.
JR: “Wow, King. We’ve just seen a powerful new force, the new damnation, leave Blackfired motionless in the ring.”
King: “We sure have JR, and I don’t think that’ll be the end of this.”
JR: “Now that Coach and co. are out, Xcite and Benjamin are gonna be on their own in tonight’s 4 way tables match for the UTT!”
King: “Don’t forget the match that will determine the new UWC tonight as well. But before that, after the break, we have a Four Way Texas Tornado Tables Match!”
Commercial Break.
When we return, Lillian Garcia is in the ring.
Lillian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a Four Way Texas Tornado Tables Elimination Match, for the UTTs!! Teams are eliminated in only one way – by one member going through a table. Introducing first, weighing in at a combined weight of 530lbs, Cryme Tyme!”
The two get into the ring and the crowd cheers loudly.
Then, Blackfired’s music hits, and Xcite and Benjamin sprint to the ring, with a violent boo erupting from the crowd. Following them, there is a silence, and the crowd begins to become restless. Suddenly, the Dudley’s music hits and Bubba Ray and Devon walk to the ring to a standing ovation! Lastly, the silence is present again, and again, the crowd begins to become restless. Suddenly, Team Xtreme’s music hits, and they sprint to the ring, with the crowd going absolutely crazy, as the Hardy’s receive the biggest pop of the night so far!!
JR: “My god, the Dudleyz and Team Xtreme make their return to wrestling!!”
The bell rings, and the teams size each other up. Cryme Tyme and Blackfired go for each other, while the Dudley’s and Hardy’s approach each other. Shad begins throwing rights at Benjamin, while Xcite has JTG in a headlock. Jeff Hardy kicks D-Von to the gut and hits a DDT, while Matt gives Bubba Ray a neckbreaker after hitting an arm-drag. Xcite gives JTG a snapmare, then a german suplex, before locking in a sleeper hold.
JR: “Wow, great versatility there from Xcite, he looks a promising asset to UWF, if he can lose Blackfired.”
Benjamin fights back with elbows to the guts of Shad, and then gives him a standing dropkick, sending the big man crashing to the the floor. JTG breaks free of the sleeper, and he and Xcite begin to fight. Matt and Jeff go to the outside and set up a table, push it so it is touching the ring apron, then climb back into the ring. They pick up the Dudleys and go for the Twist of Fate, but the Dudleys reverse it by slamming both men down onto their backs. They pick up Matt and give him a double suplex then DDT, before doing the same to Jeff. Then, they walk over to Cryme Tyme and begin helping them beat down on Benjamin and Xcite. Benjamin gains the upper hand on D-Von and Shad though, by delivering vicious kicks to the legs and midsection. He gets a superkick in on Shad, before giving D-Von, who ran at him, a T-Bone Suplex. Jeff and Matt are recuperating and talking on the ropes. Shelton sees his chance, and sprints, attempting to clothesline the Hardy’s over the top rope through the table!! He’s about to connect, when, at the last minute, the two turn, and give him a double suplex through the table, but he flips over, and just misses it!!
Suddenly, Blackfired’s music hits, and…Blackfired makes its way to the ring!
JR: “What?! I thought…OH NO. Somebody get security.”
King: “Don’t get damned security, get a freaking riot squad!”
They all carry weapons, but the referee sees them, and begins to shout at them to go away. Xcite breaks away from Bubba Ray and JTG, and low blows the ref!! Benjamin, who is on the outside, grabs a chair, and levels Matt and Jeff, who thought he’d been eliminated! Blackfired run in, but the Dudleyz and Cryme Tyme manage to bail out an hide under the ring, leaving only Matt and Jeff in the ring. Blackfired grab the two, and proceed to give out one of the most unglorified and hellacious beatings ever, using Barbed Wire Baseball Bats, Sledgehammers, Metal Chairs, 2x4s, Kendo Sticks, Steel Pipes and Computer Monitors. They all face the entrance-way, working on Matt and Jeff. Suddenly, Cryme Tyme and the Dudleyz appear with 4 ladders, and slide into the ring. The crowd goes nuts, as the 4 lay out Blackfired, who are caught by surprise. Blackfired slip through the 4, heading to the announcers area, and they grab the belts, and sprint to the ramp. The crowd is booing like crazy, as the 6 stand, arms raised. Suddenly, the arena goes dark, and when the lights appear, Blackfired is out cold, and standing over them, with chairs in their hands, are…THE NEW DAMNATION!
JR: “HERE COMES THE SECURITY, KING!”
The crowd goes off, with this pop completely passing that of any heard earlier tonight. The New Damnation take the belts back to the announce table, before calling medics, who send Blackfired to the local hospital.
BLACKFIRED ARE ELIMINATED
Back in the ring, The Dudleyz attacked Cryme Tyme with the ladders, and now have taken control. They put Shad in between a ladder, and then sprint in, shoulder-charging the ladder, squashing the big man inside cold, hard, steel. JTG is on the floor and the Dudleyz throw him over the top rope. The Hardy’s are out cold, so D-Von goes to get a table! Bubba Ray climbs to the top of a ladder, and D-Von picks up Shad and they two get in position for a 3D, with Bubba Ray looking for a cutter from atop the ladder! Suddenly, as Bubba jumps, JTG low-blows D-Von, causing D-Von to drop Shad, who just misses the table. Bubba Ray falls straight through, eliminating the Dudley Boyz!!
DUDLEY BOYZ ARE ELIMINATED
The Dudleys are helped to the back, while Shad and JTG recover. The Hardy’s are slowly getting to their feet, when JTG and Shad clothesline both down, before taunting to the crowd from the top rope. The Hardy’s got up, and climbed to the top rope and gave both Shad and JTG reverse superplexes. Matt dragged a sledgehammer and ladder out from under the ring, and Jeff hit Whisper in the Wind on Shad, then a Twist of Fate on JTG. After nailing both with the sledgehammer, they place both men on the one table, and climbed alternative ladders. Then, both prepared to jump. As Jeff hit the Swanton Bomb on Shad, Matt’s attempted leg-drop on JTG failed when JTG rolled out of the way! Both Shad and Matt went through the table at the same time, and referees filled the ring, talking. The result was that the match should continue!! Jeff and JTG began brawling, but JTG began to beat down Jeff, taking complete control. He rolled Jeff onto the table, and climb up to a ladder. By this time, Matt had recovered, and when JTG was about to jump, he climbed the ladder and the two brawled atop it! Unknown to JTG, Jeff quickly rolled off the table, hit a quick DDT on a recovering Shad, then climbed up JTG’s side of the ladder, and giving him a low blow!! Matt punched him in the stomach, and gave him a rana’ through the table!!!!
CRYME TYME ARE ELIMINATED
Lillian: “Ladies and Gentlemen, here are your winners, and new UTTs…THE HARDY BOYZ!”
