We get a close up of the smiling, exuberant faces of Wasabi Toyota and Hunter Kravinoff on their way out of Home Depot. They seem to be moving rather quickly as they exit.
I guess this place wasn’t completely worthless after all.
Indeed. We better hurry up though, the interview with Klamor is supposed to start any minute.
Don’t worry, we’ll make great time as long as we’re on these.
The camera zooms out to reveal that the World Tag Team Champs are actually sitting on top of two large, red, rubber balls, bouncing across the Home Depot parking lot. The eventually make it over to the Chevrolet Astro belonging to Hunter Kravinoff where Johnny Klamor waits impatiently.
You’re late.
Ya, we ran into trouble in there. Sorry about that.
Klamor looks on blankly.
I don’t care. What’s up with the balls?
One of Rocco’s innovative training techniques. Really helps muscles flexibility and endurance. In fact, I’m a few training sessions behind Wasabi. Surely you won’t mind if I go out for a little hop. I’m sure the big man can handle your questions.
Whatever. As long as we get this over with quickly. I have a hot date to get ready for.
Good for you Johnny Boy, maybe you could teach Wasabi a thing or two.
Kravinoff gives a still unamused Klamor a slight, playful nudge before bounding out of sight, leaving Toyota alone with the sourpuss interviewer. After what seems like an eternity, Klamor finally speaks.
You don’t smell as bad as I thought you would.
Thanks, I get that a lot.
Don’t get me wrong, you still smell something awful, but I should be able to hold in my vomit, at least for the time being. Anyway, on with the questions. Tell me if I’m speaking too fast for you, Chong.
I appreciate your concern, Johnny, but I think you’ll find I’m more articulate than the majority of those that you interview. Perfect English is one of the main requirements when it comes to acceptance into the Yazuka, in fact.
Indeed. That leads to my first question. You’re an admitted terrorist, why should I feel safe talking to you? Why shouldn’t you be behind bars in some crummy Japanese prison?
Toyota looks down for a moment, attempting to wipe a few tears from his face.
I understand your concern Johnny, I really do. I was a terrible man, I was a monster. I mean, what kind of person creeps into houses of the innocent in the middle of the night, beats them purple, and leaves with a sack of gold and a belly full of satisfaction? Do you know, Johnny? Do you know?!?!
Klamor backs away slightly, his face the picture of shock with a slight hint of fear.
An evil man, Johnny, an evil one. I hate that man. I want him to die a in a fire, never to be seen again. But he still exists inside me. With my actions, with my thoughts, with my words, I try and suppress him a little more each and every day, but he’s still there.
What you have to know, as well as everyone else out there is I’m committed to changing that. I no longer want to be the problem, I want to be the solution. If I can eliminate the evil from the outside world, maybe, just maybe, I can eliminate some of the evil from inside myself as well, and finally be free. Free and happy.
Toyota is panting at this point, exhausted from his emotional speech.
Ok then. Moving on to your match at Unscripted. You’re defending your title against two other teams, one which includes a midget that embarrassed you a few weeks ago and the other including two of the most ruthless competitors in the entire company. How can you expect to retain the belts?
It won’t be easy, Johnny, but it’s something that has to be done. Hunter always talks about how important the titles are to him, and I feel the same way. They’re my whole life. Everything I do is with them in mind. I’ve even cut down to 6 pizzas day, just because of the titles. I’m entirely consumed with the thought of retaining them.
You’ve consumed something, alright. But how are you going to beat, say, Reckless Youth? Steele is one of the biggest up and coming stars in the world and Graham, well, we all now what Graham did to you a few weeks ago.
Yes, I know I lost to Graham, but I didn’t have Hunter by my side for that match. With him there, it’s a completely different feeling, both physically and mentally. He just gives me that extra strength. It’s why we’ve never lost as a team before. And as for Steele, well, Hunter has proven in the past that he can talk care of him.
Hunter and I have been working on a little something extra to deal with Graham though. We’ve been suplexing fleas during our training.
Suplexing fleas? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
You should try it sometime, it’s even harder than it sounds. But if we catch and suplex something as small as a flea, surely we can do the same to Tucker Graham.
And if you think that’s crazy, you’ll be flabbergasted by what we’ve doing to counteract Matthew Fox
How could you possibly train to take down someone like Fox. Hell, he’s even bigger than you, not to mention he’s more experienced and talented.
Don’t you worry about that, Johnny, we got Fox covered. You see, Hunter and I took a trip out to California the other day so we could practice on some redwoods. A lot of our stuff was ineffective, but our kicks seemed to work quite well. I almost knock one of those bad boys down, and if I almost kick down a redwood, surely I can kick down Fox. He’s not even a tenth of the size of one of them.
Alright buddy, I’ve had just about enough of your stories. You’re even worse than Kravinoff. I suppose you prepared for Hancock by doing moonsaults off the Empire State Building?
No, we don’t need anything special for Hancock. My anger will surely be enough. You see, Marky and I are practically neighbors. But while I’m working to make the city of Chicago, as well the entire world, a better place, he’s doing the exact opposite, negating all my hard work.
He’s nothing more than a bully, someone who’s all about violence and pain and suffering. I can’t stand it. Every time I pass him while walking down the street I just want to, to, CRUSH HIM!
Klamor leans back once again, nearly falling to the ground after Toyota’s latest explosion.
I’m sorry Johnny, but I just can’t control myself when it comes to cocky, heartless bastards like Hancock. But I’ll wait till Sunday to take my frustrations out on him, that goes for the rest of them as well. Whether it be Steele and the constant blame he puts on his father, Graham and his destructive and dangerous lifestyle, Fox and his cold, heartless attitude, or Hancock in general. I’ll be more than motivated to take each and every one of them out.
Ok, I’ve had enough of your long-winded responses. One last question before I can finally get out of here, which of the 3 match types do you prefer, come Sunday?
It truly doesn’t matter Johnny. I’m confident in the Pride’s ability as a team. We’ve already beaten Reckless Youth before and I’m sure we can handle Cock and Fox as well. Whatever the fans choose will be just fine.
Very well. I would wish you luck on Sunday, but I’m not that kinda guy. Sayonara, Chong.
Klamor briskly walks away from Toyota , as not to be late for his surely magnificent upcoming date. Just as he’s out of sight, Kravinoff returns on his bouncy ball, drenched in sweat.
I see you got a good workout in.
Ya, Rocco really knows what he’s talking about when it comes to these balls. How was the interview.
Great. You know, the more I think about it, the more excited I get about us as a team. I’m pretty sure this could go on forever if we wanted it to. Don’t you think so, Hunt?
Of course I do, buddy. Of course I do.
Kravinoff and Toyota throw their balls into the trunk, before getting into the car and driving off into the sunset.