True Stories

[Y 2 Jake]

Has anybody got ant true story's to tell. Funny or not put them in here.

One one of my mate's went to Germany. When he came back he showed me what he had smuggled over. It was a tazer (there illegal in the U.K, there classified as firearm's). For some reason I had the urge to see if it was as bad as I'd heard. So I asked my mate to shock me with it. He did but he did'nt want to hurt me so he just gave me a tiny zapp. I took it off him and decided to do it myself. I pressed it against my body and pressed the button. Before I knew it I was on the floor and I could'nt release my grip of it. My mate had to kick it out of my hand's. I pissed myself. Literally.

 

[Ultraviolent Icon]

Holy crap man that had to hurt like a bi*ch.
Mine is when my cousin and his friends came over for the fouth of july we bought a crap load of fireworks and since my house burnt down a couple months before,we were rebuilding and we had pipes with holes in them for a septic system and we were shooting the fireworks through the pipe and taking pictures with this on guys cool camera.
I short of put 2 stories in. Who cares.

 

[bigbossman316]

One time me and two friends of mine were driving down the street and we woot a regular sized trash barrel and filled it up with 2 gallons of gas and blew it right up and to this day you can still see the charred remnemts of it in the middle of the road

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I cant believe more people haven't got amusing stories.

I was once travelling down to London for a Stoke match. I was 18 and there was 5 of us stuck in this little fiesta. We'd just been to a service station. But my mate decided not to go to the toilet when we stopped. Instead he wanted to stop again about 10 minutes later. As I was driving I refused but I said we could stop on the hard shoulder. My mate went out and did his buisness. After driving for about 5 minutes the car started to smell of shit. Nobody thought much of it, they just thought it was that London air. When we got to the match my mate sneezed. We went to get a tissue out of his back pocket and squieled. He'd had a shit when we had stopped. Somehow he had got a pebble of it in his back pocket.

 

[Prax]

I used to work at a movie theater, and a co-worker was checking the washrooms, you know, normal stuff, cleaning, checking for people doing stupid things, wipe the mirrors whatever. He opens one of the stalls to check inside, and inside the toilet bowl was probably the BIGGEST piece of shit he had ever seen in his life. When I say big (and I saw it afterwards), I mean big. Like maybe the size of a well build forearm.

He tried to flush it but it just wouldn't break. he called the manager over the walkie talkie and he came up to look at it. Meanwhile, most of the people in the entire theater would hear "uh, boss can you come up here? There's this giant piece of shit in the stall that I can't flush down". Naturally I and many others got curious and we took turns going up to the bathroom to see what the deal was and to try and figure out how we could possibly break it and flush it down.

Before you know it a crowd's formed around the stall and the manager takes the butt end (no pun intended) of a broomstick and he's trying to break up the turd so it can flush down, and he couldn't get anything more than some chunks off the side off of it.

We just kind of left it there for the night cleaners to deal with.

Now, see, what perplexes me is..... how in the FUCK did that come out of someone's ass? We couldn't break it with a broomstick even, and even if we could, it's the size of a fucking forearm. Either that person has had a lot of experience with stuff going in and out of his ass, or he has absolutely no feeling from the waist down.

The second scenario sounds plausible... except the turn WASN'T in the handicap stall.

 

[RVDgurl]

Since Prax put a shit story, I guess I'll add one (it's definately not as funny). When I was a teenager my brother and I would do the usual Halloween pranks on people. You know, toilet paper in trees, throwing eggs, etc. Well, there was this one guy that had a sign in his front yard that said "please clean up after your dog". So, my brother and I collected as much dog shit as we could. We filled up like 5 paper bags full of it and threw it at this guys house. It was stuck on his door, windows, and the furniture on the porch. It was absolutely disgusting.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Since Prax put a shit story, I guess I'll add one (it's definately not as funny). When I was a teenager my brother and I would do the usual Halloween pranks on people. You know, toilet paper in trees, throwing eggs, etc. Well, there was this one guy that had a sign in his front yard that said "please clean up after your dog". So, my brother and I collected as much dog shit as we could. We filled up like 5 paper bags full of it and threw it at this guys house. It was stuck on his door, windows, and the furniture on the porch. It was absolutely disgusting.

Your disgusting. Dog poo can make you go blind.

I guess this is going to turn into a poo stories thread. Get it? Poo instead of true. Forget about it.

I once worked Wilkinsons. It's a hardware shop in England. But they sell clothes and other things as well. Anyway one day a kid had gone into the changing rooms and had pissed all over the place, he then curled up a turd on the floor. He picked up the poo and then smeared it all over the changing room's walls. Then left as if nothing had happened. It was found about an hour later.

 

[Skullz Crack'Em]

Last year in Grade 12 we had a new student that was half mentally ******ed(His name was Richard) and was only in our classroom during last period because his Special Education teacher always had last period off for some reason. The more we got to know him we realized he was a total pervert b/c whenever a girl would pass by he would just stare at her ass or tits, even if the girl is looking straight at him and telling him that it is not very nice. During last period in school one day we had a substitute for English and convinced her to not give us work to do so we had last class off. One of the girls had cookies brought with her and was sharing them with everybody and we was all talking about our grad that was soon approaching while Richard was sat close to the Substitute's desk because his seat is up in the front of the class. As we was talking, Richard would come back repeatedly and ask the girl for another cookie so the girl would hand him the tub of cookies and he would dip his hand in the tub and grab one and then go back to his seat. Then one of my friends started laughing his ass off and then passed a note around saying "Richard is playing with himself". We all looked at Richard and there he was with his hands down his pants jerking off in his seat, nobody could keep a straight face obviously and even the teacher knew what was going on. Then Richard jumped out of his seat and said "I gotta go to the bathroom!" and was in a big hurry since he didn't even asked permission. While he was gone our Substitute asked us "Do he do this all the time?" and we said no because this was the first we knew about this. In 10 minutes he finally came back and his pants was soaked(I wonder why?) and the bell rang shortly after he came back. The next day a few guys were tormenting him about it and asked him who was he thinking about when he was jerking off and he said "the girl that was giving me the cookies because she is hot and I wants to marry her". He may have been half ******ed but he had enough common sense to know what he did was not right, he is 20 now.