For us married folk here, we're quite familar with this phrase. Actually, Im sure all of us have heard it at some point. The wedding vows that each person who marries contains these words, along with the words "In Sickness and Health." Once those words have been utterred, we've made a promise and a commitment to give our life to and share in both the good and bad times with our spouse. Its not just words we say to get through the ceremony and get it on already, it's acknowledging that we've decided to live our lives for someone else, and they ours. So I was rather surprised at Pat Robertson's comments regarding Alzheimers. For those unaware who Pat is, he's a co-anchor for The 700 Club, the penmultimate show on the Christian Broadcasting Network. Pat, a Baptist Minister, often uses the show as his platform to speak his opinion on religious and political views.
So it came as a surprise to prominent religious leaders, those in the healthcare industry and media in general when Robertson spoke his views on Alzheimers patients and their spouses. Robertson had fielded a call where the man asked him how to advise a friend who was cheating on his wife. His wife had Alzheimer's, and no longer knew her husband's name, never mind having the ability to fulfill him sexually. Robertson's advice was as follows:
Im not looking at this from a Religious perspective, simply a relationship one. Personally, there are many issues I have with Robertson's response. Many malignant cancers are a "death sentence" as well, but does that mean one should be encouraged to leave their spouse once they got ill? If one's spouse becomes a parapalegic, does that give them some kind of license for divorce? I've heard stories of people who have left their spouses after they sufferred a dehabilitating injury, citing their inability to cope with the change. Robertson, amongst others, seems to have forgetten those vows, ones Im sure he's had many couples recite as a minister. You know, the one's regarding in sickness and in health?
What Robertson is doing is giving someone a free pass to leave their spouse when they need them most. He talks of the 20,30, and 40 years of love and support between spouses, and tellss them to throw it all away, given certain circumstances. These aren't cases of abuse, infidelity, or neglect. This is a case of one's spouse losing their health(and in this case, their mind). The person with this disease hasn't chosen the illness: They've been afflicted with it. I feel that this is a case where when the ill spouse needs them most, Robertson is giving spouses permission to abandon their partner.
Dr. Amanda Smith, Medical Director at the University of South Florida Alzheimer's Center in Tampa, said the following regarding Robertson's comments:
I'm not suggesting that this would be an easy thing to cope with, nor would I look down on someone who chose to go this route, no matter how much I disagree. But when we give someone permission to break their vows(My guess is that Robertson suggested divorce so to avoid "sin") over something that involves the "death of a marriage", it's a slippery slope. Next, we'll have spouses claiming the "death of their marriage" because their spouses watch too much TV, play too many video games, or work too many hours.
Joel Hunter, pastor of Northland Church in Orlando, Fla, said the following:
To completely understand what Hunter is saying, I feel it is important in context to see what Jesus taught about marriage, just as a point of reference in Matthew 19:4-6.
Ill be the first to admit I don't agree with Jesus' view of marriage in some ways .Repetitive infildelity, physical abuse, neglect, and severe verbal belittlement are judgment calls any spouse should be allowed to have, both for the sake of their sanity, and their physical safety as well. But Robinson's ideals open the door for people to come up with any convenient excuse they like as justification. Robertson's ideals spit in the face of "In sickness and in Health." Im not suggesting that severe illnesses, such as Alzheimer's, are going to be easy to deal with. But marriage isn't easy, and people work through issues, disparities and roadblocks on a daily basis. Because they treasure their vows, they're able to deal with major changes that issues, amongst others, that illness brings. These people truly understand and treasure their marriage vows as compared to those who take the "easy way out".
Thoughts on Robertson's comments? Do you agree or disagree?
Under what circumstances do you feel it's ok to divorce?
If an ill spouse gave you a free pass to see another man/woman, what would you do?
These questions are simply to drive discussion. Any other thoughts on this are welcome.
So it came as a surprise to prominent religious leaders, those in the healthcare industry and media in general when Robertson spoke his views on Alzheimers patients and their spouses. Robertson had fielded a call where the man asked him how to advise a friend who was cheating on his wife. His wife had Alzheimer's, and no longer knew her husband's name, never mind having the ability to fulfill him sexually. Robertson's advice was as follows:
"This is a terribly hard thing. I hate Alzheimers. It is one of the most awful things, because heres the loved one this is the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years, and suddenly that person is gone. I know that maybe it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her. I wouldn't put a guilt trip on someone for divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's disease, because in health and the marital relationship, it's a kind of death anyway."
Im not looking at this from a Religious perspective, simply a relationship one. Personally, there are many issues I have with Robertson's response. Many malignant cancers are a "death sentence" as well, but does that mean one should be encouraged to leave their spouse once they got ill? If one's spouse becomes a parapalegic, does that give them some kind of license for divorce? I've heard stories of people who have left their spouses after they sufferred a dehabilitating injury, citing their inability to cope with the change. Robertson, amongst others, seems to have forgetten those vows, ones Im sure he's had many couples recite as a minister. You know, the one's regarding in sickness and in health?
What Robertson is doing is giving someone a free pass to leave their spouse when they need them most. He talks of the 20,30, and 40 years of love and support between spouses, and tellss them to throw it all away, given certain circumstances. These aren't cases of abuse, infidelity, or neglect. This is a case of one's spouse losing their health(and in this case, their mind). The person with this disease hasn't chosen the illness: They've been afflicted with it. I feel that this is a case where when the ill spouse needs them most, Robertson is giving spouses permission to abandon their partner.
Dr. Amanda Smith, Medical Director at the University of South Florida Alzheimer's Center in Tampa, said the following regarding Robertson's comments:
I think he was trying to give someone the freedom to move on, but he only took account of the caregiver without taking account of the patient.Even if someone doesnt recognize a spouse as specifically their spouse, there is often a familiarity with that person and a feeling of comfort, especially if they have been married for decades. While Alzheimer's certainly affects the dynamic of relationships, marriage vows are taken in sickness and in health."
I'm not suggesting that this would be an easy thing to cope with, nor would I look down on someone who chose to go this route, no matter how much I disagree. But when we give someone permission to break their vows(My guess is that Robertson suggested divorce so to avoid "sin") over something that involves the "death of a marriage", it's a slippery slope. Next, we'll have spouses claiming the "death of their marriage" because their spouses watch too much TV, play too many video games, or work too many hours.
Joel Hunter, pastor of Northland Church in Orlando, Fla, said the following:
"I'm just flabbergasted. I just don't know how anyone who is reading Scripture or is even familiar with the traditional wedding vows can come out with a statement like that. Obviously, we can all rationalize the legitimacy for our own comfort that would somehow make it OK to divorce our spouse if circumstances become very different or inconvenient. ... That's almost universal, but there's just no way you can get out of what Jesus says about marriage."
To completely understand what Hunter is saying, I feel it is important in context to see what Jesus taught about marriage, just as a point of reference in Matthew 19:4-6.
Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
Ill be the first to admit I don't agree with Jesus' view of marriage in some ways .Repetitive infildelity, physical abuse, neglect, and severe verbal belittlement are judgment calls any spouse should be allowed to have, both for the sake of their sanity, and their physical safety as well. But Robinson's ideals open the door for people to come up with any convenient excuse they like as justification. Robertson's ideals spit in the face of "In sickness and in Health." Im not suggesting that severe illnesses, such as Alzheimer's, are going to be easy to deal with. But marriage isn't easy, and people work through issues, disparities and roadblocks on a daily basis. Because they treasure their vows, they're able to deal with major changes that issues, amongst others, that illness brings. These people truly understand and treasure their marriage vows as compared to those who take the "easy way out".
Thoughts on Robertson's comments? Do you agree or disagree?
Under what circumstances do you feel it's ok to divorce?
If an ill spouse gave you a free pass to see another man/woman, what would you do?
These questions are simply to drive discussion. Any other thoughts on this are welcome.