The "Wrong" Complex

[PowerUp5000]

The other day I was sitting at home in my meditative state pondering the behavior of people when speaking about their beliefs. It was through this deep thought that I came to an interesting realization about the way people do or do not accept ideas and opinions different to their own. Often times hot topics like religion, abortion, homosexuality, political views and so on become very divisive and sometimes even incite violence and aggression in people. People develop deep seeded hatred for one another not for anything that they have done to each other(Which is often nothing) but because of personal beliefs and stances on different issues.

When you tell people your views and they differ from another persons you can face quite a bit of heat for it, but why??? What is wrong with that??? You're not forcing anything on anyone, you're not saying this is what you should or have to think, you're simply stating "This is what I think and feel".I think I have stumbled upon at least part of the answer to that question.

It's what I have come to call the "Wrong" complex. It seems that by default when you tell someone what you think or feel on any given topic, something in their brains seems to trigger this feeling or perception that what is really being said is "No, you and your thoughts are wrong, and what I think is right" Why is this so? That part I can't quite figure out? Are different opinions so off-putting that it just incites the worst in us all??? Is hearing someone else express their personal beliefs so unnerving that we just can't help but be offended and thus unaccepting or others views? Why is it that a person can't just say how they feel without people taking offense to it. Why does this "wrong" complex seem to get in the way so much?

If you haven't noticed, go try and talk to someone with completely opposing views to your own, try to explain what you think and why you think that, and see if at any point that conversation isn't either rejected or escalated. Why does "I think this" trigger "You're trying to tell me I am wrong and you are right"? Why can't people just express themselves in a dignified manner without it meaning that you are trying to offend an entire body of people, and saying that you are either right or wrong on the situation. And, for that matter what is so horrible about possibly being wrong? I like to share my feelings and beliefs, but because I believe something different than you doesn't mean that I think you are wrong, it means I just happen to think something else.

People don't seem to be able to grasp that concept due to what I have branded as this "Wrong" complex. I don't really get it or understand it, but I am a constantly growing and learning individual. Maybe one day the answer will be revealed to me. Until then I just need to stay mindful of this "Complex" and remember when addressing people that not everyone takes kindly to hearing something outside of their personal comfort zone. I am not saying I am innocent of this "Wrong" complex, I have been guilty of that very thing many times in the past. It wasn't until recently that I really recognized it though, and began to understand that idea, or that that was why people often butt heads without reason when discussing virtually anything.

Are people no longer entitled to their own opinions? In order for yours to count does it have to be inline with a populous and if so why? Are we so primitive after all these years of evolving that we can't simply allow others to think what they want to think, and believe in what they want to believe?

What are your feelings on this matter, and what do you think we as people can do to get beyond this lower level thinking? I think a health dose of tolerance and understanding is really the cure for the case, but I am interested in hearing your thoughts.

 

[HBK-aholic]

You seem to be under the impression here that having opposing opinions isn't

forcing anything on anyone

and I have to disagree on some topics, especially considering some of the topics you've brought up. I mean, I'm probably one of the people you could be talking about here - when it comes to some issues, I get very annoyed, and think badly of people who disagree.

You see, if someone disagrees with my stance on abortion or homosexual marriages - my belief being both should be legal - they are literally forcing their views on other people. If you want abortion to be illegal, you want to have control over my body. If you want homosexuality to be illegal, you're forcing people to act how YOU want them to, and I find that completely unfair, and pretty disgusting.

There are some issues, such as the 2 I quoted of yours above, where having opposing opinions can have a massive impact on your life, or the lives of those you love. If I stated the opinion "I think black people should be slaves to white people again", or "I think Jewish people should be killed, Hitler was right" - you wouldn't think badly of me? You'd believe YOU were the intolerant one? Of course not. It's not always an issue of tolerance, you have to look at the consequences of peoples opinions - nothing is going to happen if we disagree on the bes wrestler of all time, but a lot could happen if we disagree on the legality of homosexuality.

 

[PowerUp5000]

You seem to be under the impression here that having opposing opinions isn't



and I have to disagree on some topics, especially considering some of the topics you've brought up. I mean, I'm probably one of the people you could be talking about here - when it comes to some issues, I get very annoyed, and think badly of people who disagree.

Sounds kind of like guilty conscience. You don't have to justify it to me, you have to justify it to yourself. I personally have been on your side of the table and I can tell you that love is much better than hate. And, you are right, I am under the impression that having a different opinion is not forcing anything on anyone. You or I simply having a different stance on any given issue doesn't effect either persons situation. Neither of us are the ones making the decisions that would either, so what is so wrong with someone disagreeing with you. It goes right back to my OP the "Wrong" complex. You think this person is wrong for their beliefs, or they disagree with yours and so you take offense to it. Are people somehow not entitled to their own thoughts and feelings because you don't see it their way?

You see, if someone disagrees with my stance on abortion or homosexual marriages - my belief being both should be legal - they are literally forcing their views on other people.

Let's keep this within the contexts here. Listen to what you're saying. If someone disagrees with you, they are in turn forcing their views on you? If I were a politician taking that stance and passing legislation based upon it then I would say yeah that's true in that sense, but someone simply stating their position on a topic isn't forcing anything on you other than having to hear what they have to say, and there is nothing wrong with that unless you have a problem with freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of expression, freedom of choice, etc....

If you want abortion to be illegal, you want to have control over my body. If you want homosexuality to be illegal, you're forcing people to act how YOU want them to, and I find that completely unfair, and pretty disgusting.

That's you're opinion and you're entitled to it but in all fairness I think you are being pretty black and white on the issue. Those are your assumptions and your estimation of the scenario. You see it as someone wanting control over your body, or forcing people to act a certain way. How then might I ask is that so? As I stated earlier, it's not like you or I even have the power TO force that situation on someone, but here you are condoning censorship on peoples thoughts and beliefs. It's a free world for the most part and people are entitled to think or feel whatever they please just as you do on a number of topics. Would you want someone like yourself telling you "No, you're a million horrible things and then some because you don't agree with me." ? Something tells me no.

There are some issues, such as the 2 I quoted of yours above, where having opposing opinions can have a massive impact on your life, or the lives of those you love. If I stated the opinion "I think black people should be slaves to white people again", or "I think Jewish people should be killed, Hitler was right" - you wouldn't think badly of me?

That's over simplifying the issue here, you know exactly what I am talking about. Of course if someone was saying those things I wouldn't be in agreement and I might think "Wow, that's pretty messed up" but unless their out there trying to make slaves of black people or killing Jews, that hardly effects you a world away IN any way other than offending your personal views and you hearing something you don't like. In that case you have the right to state your opposing stance, and you have the choice to do so in an intelligent dignified manner, or you have the choice to be no better than that person and show them the same persecution they are showing others.

You'd believe YOU were the intolerant one? Of course not. It's not always an issue of tolerance, you have to look at the consequences of peoples opinions - nothing is going to happen if we disagree on the bes wrestler of all time, but a lot could happen if we disagree on the legality of homosexuality.

I didn't say I would think I was intolerant. I wouldn't be from the git-go, I'm not threatened by opposing views. Your also saying what "could" happen because someone has a different idea than you. Well, I could walk in front of a bus on accident tomorrow, but that's less than likely to happen, and if it did it wouldn't have anything to do with the conversation I had on a forum about abortion, or homosexuality, or any other topic you wish to choose. What could really happen from someone simply disagreeing with you? It might damage your ego, it might offend you or annoy you to hear someone trying to express feelings you don't like, but outside of that what is so horrible about it? As I stated earlier if someones beliefs caused them to act against other people maliciously than I am total agreement with you. Obviously someone should have checked Hitler at the door, and since no one did we all know what happened there, but he was in a position of power to do that. You and I are not, so I see no reason for you to hate me for my beliefs, or for me to hate you for yours.

 

[HBK-aholic]

Sounds kind of like guilty conscience. You don't have to justify it to me, you have to justify it to yourself. I personally have been on your side of the table and I can tell you that love is much better than hate. And, you are right, I am under the impression that having a different opinion is not forcing anything on anyone. You or I simply having a different stance on any given issue doesn't effect either persons situation. Neither of us are the ones making the decisions that would either, so what is so wrong with someone disagreeing with you. It goes right back to my OP the "Wrong" complex. You think this person is wrong for their beliefs, or they disagree with yours and so you take offense to it. Are people somehow not entitled to their own thoughts and feelings because you don't see it their way?

It depends on what their thoughts and feelings are. If they feel "I personally disagree with abortion/homosexuality but think they should be legal" they are completely entitled to that view. It's when people try to force their views onto me via the law that I have a problem.

Let's keep this within the contexts here. Listen to what you're saying. If someone disagrees with you, they are in turn forcing their views on you? If I were a politician taking that stance and passing legislation based upon it then I would say yeah that's true in that sense, but someone simply stating their position on a topic isn't forcing anything on you other than having to hear what they have to say, and there is nothing wrong with that unless you have a problem with freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of expression, freedom of choice, etc....

We live in democratic societies - if enough people state they want one of those issues illegal enough, politicians WILL take note of it, and it WILL be used in election campaigns, leading to those things then becoming illegal - affecting me. There are people in America part of the disgusting 'Anti-Choice' movement, who are actively campaigning for my rights to be stopped, and I'm not allowed to hate them? Of course I am.

That's you're opinion and you're entitled to it but in all fairness I think you are being pretty black and white on the issue. Those are your assumptions and your estimation of the scenario. You see it as someone wanting control over your body, or forcing people to act a certain way. How then might I ask is that so? As I stated earlier, it's not like you or I even have the power TO force that situation on someone, but here you are condoning censorship on peoples thoughts and beliefs. It's a free world for the most part and people are entitled to think or feel whatever they please just as you do on a number of topics. Would you want someone like yourself telling you "No, you're a million horrible things and then some because you don't agree with me." ? Something tells me no.

It depends on the issue being debated. In the wrestling sections, someone getting that worked up is pathetic. In the Cigar Lounge, serious issues are being debated, and it's fine for people to get worked up over real life issues.

That's over simplifying the issue here, you know exactly what I am talking about. Of course if someone was saying those things I wouldn't be in agreement and I might think "Wow, that's pretty messed up" but unless their out there trying to make slaves of black people or killing Jews, that hardly effects you a world away IN any way other than offending your personal views and you hearing something you don't like. In that case you have the right to state your opposing stance, and you have the choice to do so in an intelligent dignified manner, or you have the choice to be no better than that person and show them the same persecution they are showing others.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Those who disagree with my view personally, but don't want to take those rights away via making the issues you mentioned illegal, I have no problem with. Those who actively want to make them illegal, I have a big problem with.

I didn't say I would think I was intolerant. I wouldn't be from the git-go, I'm not threatened by opposing views. Your also saying what "could" happen because someone has a different idea than you. Well, I could walk in front of a bus on accident tomorrow, but that's less than likely to happen, and if it did it wouldn't have anything to do with the conversation I had on a forum about abortion, or homosexuality, or any other topic you wish to choose. What could really happen from someone simply disagreeing with you? It might damage your ego, it might offend you or annoy you to hear someone trying to express feelings you don't like, but outside of that what is so horrible about it? As I stated earlier if someones beliefs caused them to act against other people maliciously than I am total agreement with you. Obviously someone should have checked Hitler at the door, and since no one did we all know what happened there, but he was in a position of power to do that. You and I are not, so I see no reason for you to hate me for my beliefs, or for me to hate you for yours.

If your beliefs aren't going to negatively affect my life, or the lives of others, I don't think badly of you. If they are going to do that, I will.

 

[PowerUp5000]

It depends on what their thoughts and feelings are. If they feel "I personally disagree with abortion/homosexuality but think they should be legal" they are completely entitled to that view. It's when people try to force their views onto me via the law that I have a problem.

Oh I am right on the same page there believe it. And that is also only natural to feel that way when you think about it. Why wouldn't you feel slighted by that? My message is simply that people don't have to hate each other because of differing views, and that people CAN have civilized conversations about differing views without either or necessarily being wrong for having them. Increase the peace.

We live in democratic societies - if enough people state they want one of those issues illegal enough, politicians WILL take note of it, and it WILL be used in election campaigns, leading to those things then becoming illegal - affecting me. There are people in America part of the disgusting 'Anti-Choice' movement, who are actively campaigning for my rights to be stopped, and I'm not allowed to hate them? Of course I am.

Well, you are more than certainly allowed to feel however you choose, the word I emphasize though is "Choose". We all have a choice. Love thy neighbor, or hate thy neighbor. I personally choose love. You make a really bright observation too about politics here. That's politicians and people each manipulating each other to get what they want and like you, I too find that rather repugnant which is why I no longer subscribe to any political party or agenda for the most part. When it comes to that I have to vote on economics because I know not the Republican or the Democrat really give a damn about my views, their just going to support the ones that garner them the votes they so desire.

It depends on the issue being debated. In the wrestling sections, someone getting that worked up is pathetic. In the Cigar Lounge, serious issues are being debated, and it's fine for people to get worked up over real life issues.

It seems to be only inevitable. That is why I made my OP. I do believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to do just about anything. When discussing these matters it is no different. Getting impassioned while standing up for what you believe in is actually a rather beautiful thing. What is ugly though is people turning on each other based solely on that. I can tell you, I have hated in the past and went that wrong route, and I can also tell you from that experience that no one wins. People end up hurting each other, hating each other, and that often times transfers into the real world. I personally am tired of the hate, incivility, and all around disrespect that we including myself show or have shown each other in the past. Life is too short to go through it hating people. You can almost always find something good about people even if you don't agree with them on many things.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Those who disagree with my view personally, but don't want to take those rights away via making the issues you mentioned illegal, I have no problem with. Those who actively want to make them illegal, I have a big problem with.

Now that sounds more like it. You get what I mean. I like you would also take issue with the same thing. Again though, I have reinforce that there is still a right way and a wrong way to go about that. I don't know about you but in a situation like that, I don't want to lower myself to the actions of the extremists on either side. It is easy however to get swept up in that and I believe we both could probably speak from experience there.

If your beliefs aren't going to negatively affect my life, or the lives of others, I don't think badly of you. If they are going to do that, I will.

That's not unreasonable, and even if it were to some extent that is your prerogative. You go girl, LOL!