The Worst Episode of hitting on someone in history...

[Tastycles]

The set up is in the spoilers, but the truly shocking part is at the bottom.

Spoiler

Prologue

A newsagents, 6pm

Tastycles flatmate: Shall we just get pissed and see what happens?


Tastycles: Yes
-------

Act 1

We are in a bar club thing in Camden Town, London at midnight or so. Tastycles has, for reasons unknown, brought a Sharpie with him. He writes choice phrases on his friends arms such as the lyrics to songs that are playing and things that seem hilarious at the time like "Top Bollocks". A girl enters, as Rhythm is a Dancer is playing.

Girl's arm Sharpie: RhYthM is A DaNCeR, Im' AS SeRIOUS as CANCeR

Girl: Thanks!

Tastycles: Oh, where are you from?

Girl: I'm from Sweden

Tastycles: I love Swedish people!

Swedish Girl (Previously "Girl"): I don't, that's why I moved to UK

[IDLE CHAT such as I wanted to live in Sweden, and naming the cities (football teams) that I know, more Sharpie, including writing "I like you" in Swedish, she writes "du är underbar", no idea what that means, obviously]

We part amicably, before crossing paths again later. She reasserts her surprise that I could speak Swedish, I say I can't really, just know a few things, to which she is impressed. Less so when I turn my phone on and it clearly has Google translate open

Tastycles: I actually do know some Swedish though

Swedish Girl: Go on then...

DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR ADMIRATION OF TASTYCLES' HUMOUR AND CHARM TO BE LOST FOREVER

Tastycles: Err, Henrik Larrsson

 

[Lee]

Good man.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Sorry for the technical difficulties:

 

[Gelgarin]

Magical.

 

[Tastycles]

Somehow, I got her number (saved in my phone in helpful fashion as "Swedish Girl"). My mate said he'd give me £100 if she texts me back, such was the car crash of the situation.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Brilliant.

 

[The Dragon Saga]

Somehow, I got her number (saved in my phone in helpful fashion as "Swedish Girl").

This is a common occurrence for me, wake up the morning after a night out, check your phone, find out you got a new number for a girl who you can't remember. I'd some foreign girl once, no clue what country but I'd great fun trying to decipher what the fuck she was texting me.

 

[Tastycles]

It actually turns out that the original conversation was carried out a piece of paper...

 

[Miko]

Thats brilliant

 

[George Steele's Barber]

I speak fluent Ikea.

 

[Барбоса]

I speak fluent Ikea.

Naming Swedish companies would have been amusing.

Would have gone with Koenigsegg myself

 

[Pepe Silvia]

Man that guy was crazy good, was always someone I dreaded

him and Figo (Fuck Luis Figo)

 

[Alex]

You go places where Rhythm Is A Dancer is played?!!?!?!?!?

Fuck I need to go to these places

 

[shattered dreams]

I would have said meatballs and then whipped them out.

I watched a non-pornographic film in Swedish once.

 

[Mr. Artistic guy]

My friend started conversing with a girl when he went to town this past week. Luckily I think she too was Scandinavian, because for the first 5 minutes he was apparently drunk enough to think she was a guy. For that reason I think all of the patting arms, manly handshakes, obscene misogynistic language and excessive use of the word 'lad' probably were less off-putting. He ended up kissing her, so first impressions....meh.....That alone should give most people faith in your ability to aimlessly pull in the ambiguous haze that is a drunken night on the town.

I want to know the reaction to Henrik Larrson though.

 

[.]

Lots of Americans at my uni this semester. Met some girl who told me that she was from Maine. I spent an unusually long time proving i knew something about Maine by mentioning:
1. Westbrook and Portland are there
2. Stephen King was from there.

Did end up getting somewhere with that though.

 

[Uncle Sam]

They have fucking lobsters there, man. If only I'd been there with that killer third fact, I could have closed the deal.

 

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

This sounds straight out of the playbook from How I Met Your Mother.

*In best Barney voice* I call it...The Ikea. It's gonna be legend - *wait for it* - oh, real men don't drink black coffee, I'll take two sugars and a spoonful of DARY!

 

[Tastycles]

I want to know the reaction to Henrik Larrson though.

"Like I haven't heard that before"

Seriously. That's what she said. There's at least other clown out there who has pulled exactly the same schtick!

Shockingly, she hasn't text me back, so I'm currently in tears *********ing with one hand, and spooning raw Bisto into my mouth with the other.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Shockingly, she hasn't text me back, so I'm currently in tears *********ing with one hand, and spooning raw Bisto into my mouth with the other.

There's at least one other clown out there pulling this shtick.

 

[Gelgarin]

"Like I haven't heard that before"

Seriously. That's what she said. There's at least other clown out there who has pulled exactly the same schtick!

Shockingly, she hasn't text me back, so I'm currently in tears *********ing with one hand, and spooning raw Bisto into my mouth with the other.

You shouldn't waste Bisto.

 

[TLC]

That is hilarious.

 

[Mr. Artistic guy]

"Like I haven't heard that before"

Seriously. That's what she said. There's at least other clown out there who has pulled exactly the same schtick!

Shockingly, she hasn't text me back, so I'm currently in tears *********ing with one hand, and spooning raw Bisto into my mouth with the other.

Oh man, either she's very unlucky or you are, or as with most cases both. If another joked hadn't tried it first, at least the bare-faced novelty of it might have pulled it through. Those nights in are never fun.

 

[shattered dreams]

Just realize we hit on women in an attempt to pick them up. Maybe evolution is just a theory.

 

[Trill Co$by]

My nights usually end with a water hose...