The most QUOTABLE movies of the past 10 years

[D-Man]

So, anyone that knows me well realizes that 75% of the conversations that I have with people involve some kind of quotes from different movies. I find enjoyment when someone hears one of these quotes, looks at me, points, and guesses the movie with a smile on their face. I don't think I'm alone with this. Therefore, I want to prove it by starting this thread.

Now, if this thread was about the most quotable movies of all-time, it would be damn near impossible to narrow it down for most of us. So, I figured that I'd narrow it down to movies that came out over the past 10 years. That means from 1999-present! This will narrow the playing field for everyone, give an opportunity for young posters to join in and be on the same page with the rest of the "old-geezers" like myself, and allow us to have an easier time recognizing the movies that are chosen by others. Even if you haven't seen it you might say to yourself, "Hey, I've heard of that one. Maybe I should watch it."

Time for the rules. I know that a lot of "lazy posters" out there are going to choose movies and give one-line reasons why they chose it. The idea of this thread is to choose the MOST quotable movies of the past 10 years. So here is how we can avoid extraneous, run-on, off-topic posts:

1. Please try to choose ONLY THREE MOVIES. I know it's hard to narrow them down sometimes, but that's the idea of the thread. If someone had a gun to your head and you had to choose only three, which ones would they be? (I will accept only ONE honorable mention from each of you, if need be.)

2. For each movie you choose, quote at least three lines from the movie that you feel makes the movie so quotable.

3. This thread is not limited to any movie genre. You can choose drama, comedies, action, etc. Go crazy.

4. I suggest going to Wikipedia to make sure that the movies you choose were produced after 1999. That's what I did

5. Please provide reasons behind your choices. And, "Because it was a good movie" doesn't count.

Now, onto my choices:

#3 - Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)

Wow... just wow. Besides being one of the funniest movies to ever grace the silver screen, it allowed Sacha Baron Cohen to spread his interpretation of this amazing, original character from a 5 minute short to an 84 minute masterpiece. The Borat character just seems so innocent, yet so true to his representation of his home country. Some of the shit this guy came up with made me laugh so hard that I almost peed myself a few times in the movie theater. And we all experienced the backlash of the Borat-speaking wannabes throughout the world that were featured on television sitcoms, news programs, and talk shows. This movie wasn't just a movie... it was a phenomenon. But, I only have it as #3 on my list because even though everyone tries to speak like Borat after they see the movie, they don't necessarily quote the lines from it word-for-word.

Borat:
"My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex, it's nice."
"Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard."
"The only thing keeping me going was my dream of one day holding Pamela in my arms and making romance explosion on her stomach."
"A-My hobbies... ping pong, sunbathe, disco dance... and on weekends, travel to capital city and watch ladies while they make toilet."

#2 - Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

There is something about this movie that just makes we want to say it's memorable lines out loud and just laugh at myself while I listen to them. I saw this movie in the theaters and by the time I walked out, I was already spitting out memorable lines from half of the flick. To me, that makes it memorable and quotable. But the thing that cracks me up the most about the movie is that I don't think Will Ferrell had the most memorable character in the movie... I think that title belongs to John C. Reilly who played Cal Naughton, Jr... the most ridiculously stupid race car driver on the face of the Earth. Trust me people... this is a must-see.

Ricky Bobby:
"I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then fuck you."
"I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence."

Cal Naughton, Jr.:
"Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!"
"Shake and Bake!!"
"I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party."
"I like to think of Jesus with, like, big eagle's wings, singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with, like, an angel band, and I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk... "

#1 - Superbad (2007)

Maybe it's just my opinion but this is one of (if not THE) funniest movies of all time. The plot is as simple and the characters are memorable. Every line has you laughing, and each line is memorable. I can honest say it is one of my favorite movies. I probably incorporate a line from Superbad in almost every candid conversation that I have with somebody. For some reason, a line in the movie always seem to fit something that I'm doing or talking about. It's just one of those movies that proves why Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen are a dream team when it comes to comedic filming.

Seth:
"Well Jules, the funny thiing about my back is that it's located on my cock."
"She wants to fuck me, she wants my dick in and around her mouth."
"She looked me in the eyes and said 'Seth, Momma's making a pubie salad and I need some Seth's Own dressing.' She's D.T.F. - down to fuck man. P and Vagi, she wants to fuck man!"
"At the very least I'll make out with her, two weeks hand job, month blow job, whatever whatever. And then, I make her my girlfriend. And I've got like two solid months of sex. By the time college rolls around I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding vaj."

Fogel:
"I am McLovin."

Evan:
"What?! One name? One name? Wh--Who are you, Seal?"
"McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?"
"Fogel shut the fuck up... and take off that vest. You look like Aladdin."


I'd better stop now... I could go on forever. Ok everyone... YOUR TURN!!

 

[IrishCanadian25]

Great thread, D-Man.

I have often held to a belief that there is a lobe in the human brain just behind the left ear that performs a different function based on gender. In males, this lobe stores movie quotes and sports stats, whereas in women it stores relatives names, birthdays, and anniversaries.

So it's totally understandable that your lobe is committed to movie quotes (though having known you for as long as I have, it's a relief that you didn't create a birthday and anniversary thread).

Now if only we could do something about you abysmal film choices. Superbad was so over rated, and Ricky Bobby just gave my theory of Will Ferrel as the worst leading actor of the last 10 years more legs. Time for a REAL list.

1. Old School. This film had it all. Juvenile fun, playful banter, diverse characters with exploitable flaws, and hilarious quotes. Plus, you really cared about the characters, whether it was rooting for Mitch to get the hot blonde or waiting to see Dean Pritchard get his cummupins.


Spanish- Damn, I gonna end up workin' at Red Lobster.

Frat Brother - You already work at Red Lobster.

Spanish- Yeah, but it's part time, dick.

__________________________________________________________________________

Beanie - Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through.

__________________________________________________________________________

Frank - We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?

__________________________________________________________________________

2. Wedding Crashers. No coincidence that I've chosen the two films that have two major things in common - Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell. Neither are a particularly wonderful actor, but both are excellent in a supporting role when handed some intelligent dialouge.


Jeremy Grey- How many times you gonna do this shit? Rule #32: You don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.

John Beckwith: Rule #16: Give me an up-to-date family tree. That was your mistake. You made me look like an idiot.

Jeremy Grey: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!
__________________________________________________________________________

John Beckwith- No overtime. Yeah, well what about the Chang wedding three years ago. 2am, you drag me fifty miles to watch you and some chick play Mah-Jongg with her grandmother? In a retirement home.

Jeremy Grey- That was my first Asian!

__________________________________________________________________________

Bratty Kid- I want a bicycle.

Jeremy Grey- Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?

Bratty Kid- I just want a bicycle!

Jeremy Grey- Why... why are you yelling at me?

Bratty Kid- Make me a bicycle, clown!

Jeremy Grey- All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle.

Bratty Kid- Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.

__________________________________________________________________________

3. Dodgeball. Obviously, by limiting ourselves to 1999 and since, we are taking away all time classics of cinema such as Spaceballs and Casino, but I'll play along. For my final pick, I'll take this all time classic sports film, ironically ALSO with Vince Vaughn in the lead role. No, I didn't plan this. He just delivers funny lines in funny movies. He's Hollywood's version of The Rock. Well, before Hollywood had The Rock.


Patches O'Houlihan- If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

__________________________________________________________________________


Peter La Fleur- Come on, Kate. It's time to put your mouth where our balls are.

__________________________________________________________________________


White Goodman- Hey, Rory. Looking good. Here at Globo Gym, we understand that "Ugliness" and "Fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

__________________________________________________________________________

I await the responses.

 

[jmt225]

Thank God I just realized you asked "of the past ten years" because I was about to go on a quoting spree on Jerry Maguire and Pulp Fiction, lol.

Anyways...

#1. The Rules of Attraction is one of my all time favorite films. I'm also a huge fan of the book, but the film not only has the best quotes from the book, but also Roger Avery was able to add some of his own genius to the film.

Rubert: I think you're a rich motherfucking motherfucker who owes me a fucking fuckload of motherfuckin' cash, that's what I think, you rich motherfuckin' motherfucker. You want some blow, motherfucker? You bring me my motherfuckin' cash, motherfucker!

Rubert: Get it straight, fuckhead: I need you like I need a fucking asshole on my elbow.

Sean Bateman: Since when does fucking somebody else mean that I'm not faithful to you?

Donald: Need I remind you we have somebody OD-ing back here?
Paul Denton: He's not OD-ing. He's a freshman. Freshmen don't OD.

Victor: Irish women are as small as leprechauns.

Mitchell: Old enough to pee, old enough for me!

.....................................​

#2. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Since D-Man went with Talladega Nights (you forgot to add, "Hakuna Matata, bitches." to your quotes though ), I'll go with his other best, motherfucking Anchorman. I'm not the biggest Will Ferrell fan, but this film is one of the funniest, most quotable films of all time.

Ron Burgundy: You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public.

Ron Burgundy: I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.

Ron Burgundy: Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone come see how good I look.

Ron Burgundy: You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.
Frank Vitchard: Oh yeah? Well, you're about to be in... dead place.

.....................................​

#3. The 40 Year Old Virgin. So, so classic. I thought this was going to be the dumbest piece of shit ever, but man was I wrong. This film is hilarious and has an uncountable amount of great quotes. But I'll go with just my absolute favorites.

David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: Your dick tastes like shit.

Cal: You can fuck her while watching "Murder, She Wrote". She'll like that.

Jay: Listen to me, listen to me. You're fucking with the wrong *****!
Mooj: Hey, hey! You're fucking with the wrong sand *****!

Boy at Health Clinic: Wait, so you're a virgin? I'd tap that.
Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, yeah, you'd 'tap that.' What, Seth, you think you're cool with your little Jew Fro? We don't say 'tap that.' What are you talking about, Seth?

Smart Tech Customer: Wait, wait, wait, last thing, last thing. I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it for the price of... on the house. Hmm?
Jay: That I can't do...
Smart Tech Customer: Now, don't be a negro, be my *****. Help me out.
Jay: Whoa, whoa, whoa... I ain't nobody's *****.
Smart Tech Customer: Well, you somebody's *****, wearin this ***** tie.
Jay: Now you're being condescending, see? You've been warned, 'aight? Now, let's move forward amicably.
Smart Tech Customer: Well, 'aight, check this out, dawg. First of all, you throwin' too many big words at me, and because I don't understand them, I'm gonna take 'em as disrespect. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale.
Jay: Okay, see... see, now you found yourself a *****. You was lookin' for a *****? ***** here now!

 

[Ty Burna]

#1: Half Baked

I know Half Baked came out 11 years ago, but eh, fuck it it's close enough and this is one of my favorite movies. If you smoke weed, or have smoked weed, you know this movie, and my homie CT and I are always crackin jokes quoting this movie. Especially "I wanna talk to Sampson!"

Thurgood Jenkins: The MacGyver smoker is a very handy guy to have around, especially when it comes to reefer.
McGayver Friend: Hey, man, we're out of papers.
McGayver Smoker: All right. Then get me a toilet paper roll, a corkscrew and some tin foil.
McGayver Friend: We don't have a corkscrew.
McGayver Smoker: All right. Then get me an avocado, an ice pick and my snorkel.
McGayver Smoker: [Friend looks at him funny] Trust me, bro. I've made bongs with less. Hurry up!

Kenny: In eleven days I'm as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?

Brian: You said you gave Mary Jane a pearl necklace!
Thurgood Jenkins: Obviously you missed the whole point of that story, Brian.

#2: Any Given Sunday

By far my favorite sports movie, and Pacino was awesome in this movie. It had a great blend of drama and humor, and of course it's all about football, my favorite sport. Jamie Foxx was pretty damn good in this movie as well. This movie made me respect Jamie Foxx as an actor.

[Willie Beamen is lined up behind the wrong lineman]
McKenna: Hey, unless you're gonna kiss me, get your hands off my ass.

Tony D'Amato: If you're gonna be a loser, raise your hand. IF you're gonna act like a pussy, raise your hand.
[Julian Washington stands up and raises his hand]
Tony D'Amato: What the hell are you doing, J?
Julian Washington: Well, I didn't want you to be the only pussy with your hand up, so I thought I'd help you out.

Tony D'Amato: You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! (Personal note: I used to listen to this speech before game time when I played High School football)

#3: Training Day:

Training Day was the shit when it came out. It was such a gritty movie and Denzel Washington shined in this one. The dialogue was top notch as well. Denzel delivered so many awesome quotes, I had to list more than three.

Alonzo Harris: To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.

Alonzo Harris: King Kong ain't got shit on me!

Alonzo: [on the phone talking to Smiley] Make sure that bath tub is clean, homey.
[Jake gets in car]
Alonzo: It behoves you not to dick around on this one. Justifiable homicide in the line of duty? What happened was...
Jake: What happened... was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?

Alonzo Harris: You got a kid, right?
Jake Hoyt: Yeah, I got a little girl.
Alonzo Harris: I've got five. All boys. You ever need a son, you let me know. I'll hook your old lady up. I can't miss.
Jake Hoyt: Can we not talk about my family?
Alonzo Harris: That's cool, I respect that. I remember what it was to have a pretty young bride. You probably still fuck her face to face, don't you?


Edit: To cover my ass I'm going to throw another current movie on here.

Hustle and Flow:

Great movie, and for any fans of hip hop, I'm sure you enjoyed this movie as well. Terrence Howard was perfect for his role as DJay and he had a ton of quotes I can rattle off all day long. DJ Qualls was hilarious as the beat maker of the group.

Shelby: If you had to say something different other than "beat that bitch," what would it be?
DJay: I don't know. Shit. Stuff like, um... stomp that ho?

DJay: Who's this *****h?
Key: That's Shelby, he plays piano in my church. I thought he could help us develop your sound.
DJay: You know he's white, right?
Key: Naw, he just light-skinned.

DJay: You Mormons are some brave mother fuckers.

DJay: If I can pimp $20 ho's out the back of this motherfucking Chevy, I can pimp Skinny.

 

[CH David]

10 years? Hell yes The Boondock Saints just makes it.

1. The Boondock Saints It is by far my favorite movie of all time, from the killing of the Russian Mobsters in the hotel, to Rocco shooting a cat. It is just amazing how Troy Duffy came up with this after seeing his druggie neighbor being wheeled out of her apartment on a stretcher after being killed. I know this is going to be a little long, but it is part of the best scene of the movie. If you haven't seen The Boondock Saints, watch it and you will see what I mean.

ConnorNow you will receive us.
MurphyWe do not ask for your poor, or your hungry.
ConnorWe do not want your tired and sick
MurphyIt is your corrupt we claim.
ConnorIt is your evil that will be sought by us.
MurphyWith every breath we shall hunt them down.
ConnorEach day we will spill their blood til it rains down from the skies.
MurphyDo not kill, do not rape, do not steal, these are principles which every man of every faith can embrace!
ConnorThese are not polite suggestions, they are codes of behavior, and those who choose to ignore them will pay the dearest cost!
MurphyThere are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain.
ConnorFor if you do, one day you will turn around and you will see we three, and on that day YOU WILL REAP IT!!
MurphyAnd we will send you to whatever God you wish.

2. Zack and Miri Make a Porno One of Kevin Smith's better movies not a part of the View Askewniverse, meaning not one that had to do with Clerks, Mallrats, Dogma etc... I remember just watching scenes over and over again because they were hilarious. Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks did a hell of a job. And Craig Robinson and Jeff Anderson make this short but hilarious scene.

Delaney Can you believe this shit?
Deacon CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT???!!!!
DelaneyWhat the fuck just happened?
DeaconThat chick frosted me like I was a FUCKING CAKE!!!!!

3. 300I can't put my finger on it, but to me it is just an awesome action movie. I think it has to do with my slight obsession with learning about Sparta back in high school, but 300 is a killer movie (pun intended) and even though it is more graphic novel rather than true portrayal, I feel it showed it quite well. Not many people remember the other city states helping out a lot, at least I didn't from history class, and Sparta just stood out as the immortal badasses of Greece. This scene is pretty much synonymous with the movie

Persian Messenger Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last as king.
Leonidas Earth and water...?
Persian Messenger Madman... You're a madman!
LeonidasEarth and water... You'll find plenty of both down there.
Persian Messenger No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!
LeonidasYou bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city's steps! You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.
Persian MessengerThis is blasphemy! This is madness!
LeonidasMadness? THIS IS SPARTA!

 

[Bozzaholic]

Awesome post - gere are some of my faves:

Lock, Stock & two smoking Barrells

Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

Tom: Look, it's all completely chicken soup.
Nick the Greek: It's what?
Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas.
Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.

Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've said? 'Cause if you don't, I'll kill ya.

Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot?
Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.


Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't, because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping. You're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite. Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, c'mon take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm. I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound.
Eddie: Did you say ten pound?
Bacon: Are you deaf?
Eddie: That's a bargain. I'll take one.
Bacon: Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. You want one as well, darling? You do? That's it. They're waking up. Treat the wife. Treat somebody else's wife. It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught. Hold on. You want one as well? Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then. It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half-struck. Buy them, you better buy them. These are not stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again. They've changed the bloody locks. Here. One for you. It's no good coming back later when I've sold out. "Too late, too late" will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by. If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages.
Eddie: Bacon, cozzers!
Bacon: Shit.

Tom: Rory Breaker?
Barfly Jack: Rory? Yeah I know Rory. He's not to be underestimated, you've got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing - it's all a deceptive facade. A few nights ago Rory's Roger iron's rusted, so he's gone to the local battle-cruiser to catch the end of his footer. Nobody is watching the custard so he turns the channel over. A fat man's north opens and he wanders over and turns the Liza over. 'Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else.' Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn't want to miss the end of the game; so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up a fire extinguisher and he walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle of the most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. 'That's fucking it,' says the guy. 'That's fucking what' says Rory. Rory gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he then flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest and the man's lit up like a leaky gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turned back to his game. His team's won too. Four-nil.

---------------------------------

The football Factory

Tommy Johnson: Are you gonna sit in some poxy office with a cunt for a boss telling you what to do as you count your pennies trying to make ends meet in a country that's sinking into strikes and wars and at the end of the day you go home to your cosy little flat in 'nowheresville' and pull your IKEA curtains shut to hide from the big bad world and pretend it's not happening? Or are you gonna stand up and be counted, make a difference and feel the rush? Just for once say "fuck it". I'm coiled up like a spring and I'm ready to burst and wanking ain't doing it anymore. I need violence to make me feel I'm still alive. I know what I'd rather do, mate. Tottenham away. Love it!

Tommy Johnson: There's nothing different about me. I'm just another bored male, approaching 30, in a dead-end job, who lives for the weekend. Casual sex, watered-down lager, heavily cut drugs. And occasionally kicking fuck out of someone.

Fred: Don't get lemon Bill, it don't suit ya.
Billy Bright: Spell it, you cunt.
Fred: C-u-n-t, Cunt.
Billy Bright: I meant "lemon", soppy bollocks.

Rod: Let’s get out of here Bill, there’s six Stoke fans staring right at us.
Billy Bright: Right, which one's staring at me.
Rod: The one with the hat on. Please don't start Bill.
Billy Bright: [pointing at fan] Right see you you cunt, I'll cut you first.

-----------------------------------

this film has some great quotes....

George of the jungle

Lyle: No hard feelings, Stonebelly. The best man won, that's all. Or, I should say, the guy who brought mercenaries won; *that's* all.


Narrator: And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies over perilous paths. When they beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, the reacted with awe.
Group: Awwww...
Narrator: I said, "Awe." A-W-E.
Group: Ooh...
Narrator: That's better.

Narrator: Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set...

Narrator: Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.

Narrator: Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information - Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, hey, let's face it, he's the hero.

N'Dugo: Bad guy falls in poop: Classic element of physical comedy. Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?
Guides: Ready!
[they all throw their heads back and laugh]

Narrator: Twenty five years later, the bouncing baby boy has grown into a swinging jungle king. He is swift, he is strong, he is sure, he is smart...
[George hits tree and falls down]
Narrator: ...he is unconscious.

 

[1C3-M4N]

X-Men 2: X men United(2003)
President McKenna: What's that?
William Stryker: A jet.
President McKenna: What kind of jet?
William Stryker: We don't know...but it comes out of the basketball court.



American Wedding(2003)
Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"?
Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning".
Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?
Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone.
Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it?
Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion

Four Brothers(2005)
Bobby: I wanna make a toast to Evelyn Mercer, the greatest mother four degenerate bastards ever had. Pour me and my brothers another round, and some nice warm milk for my little sister.
Jack: Man, I will drink you under the table.
Bobby: We're not talking about sperm, Jack, this is whiskey.

 

[Murfish]

A few movies come to mind.

There Will Be Blood
God this is a great movie, but some of the lines are straight up hilarious.

Plainview: Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half our state to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new well was coming in at Coyote Hills and I had to see about it. That well is now flowing at two thousand barrels and it's paying me an income of five thousand dollars a week. I have two others drilling and I have sixteen producing at Antelope. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm an oil man you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear in mind, you can lose it all if you're not careful. Out of all men that beg for a chance to drill your lots, maybe one in twenty will be oilmen; the rest will be speculators-that's men trying to get between you and the oilmen-to get some of the money that ought by rights come to you. Even if you find one that has money, and means to drill, he'll maybe know nothing about drilling and he'll have to hire out the job on contract, and then you're depending on a contractor that's trying to rush the job through so he can get another contract just as quick as he can. This is... the way that this works.
Man: What is your offer? We're wasting time.
Plainview: I do my own drilling and the men that work for me, work for me and they are men I know. I make it my business to be there and see to their work. I don't lose my tools in the hole and spend months fishing for them; I don't botch the cementing off and let water in the hole and ruin the whole lease. I'm a family man- I run a family business. This is my son and my partner, H.W. Plainview.
[indicates H.W]
Plainview: We offer you the bond of family that very few oilmen can understand. I'm fixed like no other company in this field and that's because my Coyote Hills well has just come in. I have a string of tools all ready to work. I can load a rig onto trucks and have them here in a week. I have business connections so I can get the lumber for the derrick; such things go by friendship in a rush like this. And this is why I can guarantee to start drilling and put up the cash to back my word. I assure you, whatever the others promise to do, when it comes to the showdown, they won't be there...

That is one epic little monologue. It is part of the great beginning of that movie and sets you up to see how Plainview really is.

Plainview: Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake!
[sucking sound]
Plainview: I drink it up!

My God, is there any better way to destroy Eli in the final scene. It's brutal and laugh out loud funny at the same time.

Plainview: I've abandoned my child! I've abandoned my child! I've abandoned my boy!

This is such a memorable line. That entire scene is tense with the resentment that the characters have for each other.

American Psycho

Patrick Bateman: There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.

The audience is introduced to Bateman, and here he shows his true colors. The character may not have done what he intended as you can begin to wonder how violent he actually is right here in the beginning.

Patrick Bateman: I have to return some videotapes

Need to dispose of a body or vent pent up homicidal rage? Videotapes were an acceptable excuse during these times. Damn blockbuster and netflix have taken away my get-away line.

Evelyn Williams: You hate that job anyway. I don't see why you don't just quit.
Patrick Bateman: Because I want to fit in.

This is perfect. An incredibly violent 'serial killer' is as wrapped up with self image and worth as the rest of us, if not more so.

Pan's Labyrinth

Capitan Vidal: We catch one and he turns out to be a stutterer. Fuck! We'll be here all night.

Umm, this is about as epic of a line as you can dish out when you're about to torture a rebel. That is all.

Capitán Vidal: You could have obeyed me!
Dr. Ferreiro: But captain, to obey- just like that- for the sake of obeying... without questioning... that's something only people like you can do Captain.

It's the captain's turned to get owned here. Learning that you're a douche-bag that's losing his grip can hit some people hard...

Capitán Vidal: Tell my son what time his father died. Tell him that I-
Mercedes: [interrupting] No. He won't even know your name.

See? The ellipsis is funny because he gets shot in this scene.

'hits some people harder than others'

------------------------------------------

Alright, these aren't the most quotable movies, but I like them.

 

[Razor]

You fucking suck. Pulp Fiction is probably one of the most quoted movies of our generation, and it was made in 1994. Seriously. People quote that film without knowing they quote that film. I now hate you, and forever will.

2008: The Dark Knight
Seriously guys. This is the film that really breathed new life into the Batman franchise. Not Batman Begins. It was this one. It gave all of us Batman die hards the true Joker/Batman feud we'd always wanted. The one that really communicates the hellish and immortal feud between Joker's embrace of insanity and Batman's constant effort to keep his own insanity arms length away.

[To Batman,laughing] I- I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No…no, no. No, you…complete me.

^^^Enough said. This one quote embodies years and years of comics, graphic novels, and cartoons.

[To Batman] This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You won't kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because... you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.

Gordon: They'll hunt you.
Batman: You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me, set the dogs on me. [In the voiceover, Gordon destroys the Bat-Signal (though the "Bat" doesn't break), Alfred burns Rachel's letter, and Fox destroys the sonar device] Because that's what needs to happen. Because sometimes...the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.[Batman runs]
Gordon's Son: Batman? Batman! Why is he running, Dad?
Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
Gordon's Son: He didn't do anything wrong.
Gordon: Because he's the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.

^^Probably one of the best bits of ending dialogue I've heard in a long time. But then again, I'm a Batman fan boy. I simply love the hero. Could beat Superman's ass any day.

2008: Pineapple Express
Lulz. This film was probably the most hilarious film I had seen all year. Much, much better than that hack of a comedy with Ben Stiller and Jack Black and them. The one where they're actors playing Vietnam actors. Pineapple Express was a movie that had me laughing at every minute. I literally left the movie theatre hurting. I hadn't laughed like that in a long time. It's the timing of Seth Rogen paired with the lovable stoner that is James Franco. I'm sure.

I'm gonna fucking become a civil engineer. Design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits.

[referencing Pineapple Express] My friend, this is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush i had, and they had a baby... And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Lights stuff i had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby... And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked- this would be the shit.

I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body.

2008: Watchmen
Honestly, the dialogue was basically taken word for word from the graphic novel. So really I'm sneaking in a graphic novel from years ago. But I'll take it. I'm a little fan boy, what can I say? This film let me realize my favorite graphic novel on the big screen. And it let me see my 2nd favorite hero, Rorschach, in the flesh. Awesome, awesome stuff.

Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many? Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution ... and there is so little time.

(In Rorschach's Journal) Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the ****es and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No." They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or President Truman. Decent men who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloodly Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers... and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say.

Doctor Manhattan: Where are you going?
Rorschach: Back to owlship. Back to America. Evil must be punished. People must be told.
Doctor Manhattan: Rorshach... you know I can't let you do that.
Rorschach: Huhhh... of course. Must protect Veidt's new utopia. One more body amongst foundations makes little difference. Well? What are you waiting for? Do it.
Doctor Manhattan: Rorshach...
Rorschach: Do it!

Simply put, Rorschach is Batman who has decided that killing is fine, as long as you're killing Evil. Rorschach is what I've always wondered would happen if Batman gave into his insanity. And he doesn't disappoint.

 

[The Mark of Zur-En-Arrh]

Damn Razorback, i was going to use TDK and Watchmen so here's some quotes from those movies you didn't use.

Madness as you know, is much like gravity. All it needs is a little.... push! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahaha haa haa haaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

It doesn't take a genuis to realise the World has problems.

No, but it takes a room full of morons to think that they're small enough to handle.

YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU? I'M NOT LOCKED IN HERE WITH YOU, YOU'RE LOCKED IN HERE WITH ME!!!!!!!

Anyway, i better pick 3 movies of my own........................ Ah HAH!!!!!!!!!!

Snatch

D-Man, 75% of your conversation is movie quotes? In 2000, this movie comprised 99% of our conversation at school. Filled with the same glorious humour as Lock Stock, and in my opinion, even surpassed it. Here's 3 quotes in particular:

Do you know what 'nemesis' means?

(Vinny, Sol, and Tyrone look at each other, confused)

A righteous infliction of retribution, personified in this case, by an 'orrible cunt. Me!

In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary...... Come again?

Boris, the Blade. Also known as Boris, the Bulletdodger. As bent as the Soviet sickle and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, it's just impossible to kill the bastard.

BASEketball Oh dear god, once we got over Snatch, we discovered this gem shortly afterward. It's not so much the story or the overall humour of this movie, but more the psyche-outs that we found so hilariously funny. But as quotes are what we're looking for, quotes is what i'll give ya.

Robert Stack: The police have pieced together numerous theories on Coop's whereabouts.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer: I have no fucking clue where the hell he is. For all I care he could be hanging by his neck in his fucking closet!
Robert Stack: Scenario One: He's hanging by his neck in his fucking closet.
Jenna Reed: You want to know where Coop is? Just look for where the most heinous, vile, horrible exploitation of children takes place.
Robert Stack: Scenario Two: Coop went to DisneyWorld.

Reemer: Wake up bitch! You're my new best friend!
Squeek: Huh? Really? Are we going to the zoo?

Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: Your mother's deaf...
Ed Tuttle: My mother's dead, you little twerp.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari: [Squeak reads from his hand again] I guess that why she didn't move around much.

Dodgeball Wow, just wow. I'm not a huge Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller fan, but that movie kicked ass. White Goodman is one of the funniest villains i've ever seen and i get a laugh out of this mive everytime i see it.

Peter LaFluer: Oh Hey White! I didn't think Nazi camp let out til 8, did you skip arts and crafts?
(Pause)
White: Yes i did.

White: No one can resist White Goodman when he puts on his shiny shoes.

White: Pah! Spare me. I should have won that tournament.......... Fuckin' Chuck Norris!!!

 

[gd]

Dodgeball

Already mentioned a couple of times but there was just so much funny shit in this movie.

Announcer : Here comes the lumberjacks, I bet they haven't smelled a women in years.

Cotton: They probably masterbate a lot.

Announcer: Right you are Cotton.


White: Go add 3 pounds to the scales in the women's locker room

Hey Cindy, remember, celluite seminar at 3

I read about it .... in a book.


Dodgeball intructional video: Hey Timmy, why don't you take a break from some of that lead based paint and play some Dodgeball.


Anchorman

Another hilarious movie that's already been mentioned, it was just classic.

Ron: They punted Baxter!!!!!

San Diaaago, it means a whale's Vagina.

Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish.

Brick: I'm riding a furry tractor.

I love lamp.

Random person after spelling Brian Fantana's Sex Panter: It smells like Big Foot's dick

It smells like Indian Food and Baby Diapers.

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Banky: Uh, Chaka? Hi, I'm Banky Edwards, the creator of "Bluntman and Chronic." We met a few weeks back, I'm the executive producer.

Chaka: Oh, you're the executive producer. Well, why don't you executive produce me a latte - De-Crackernated. Okay, Fucky?

Banky: Actually, it's Banky.

Chaka: No, it is Fucky.


Clerks II
Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."

Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.

Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.

Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.

Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.

Hobbit Lover: You know what, maybe we should start calling your friend Padme, because he loves Manakin Skywalker so much, right?
[in robot voice]

Hobbit Lover: Danger danger, my name is Anakin. My shitty acting is ruining saga.

Elias: [chucking] Yea-Yeah, you're crazy, Jar-Jar.

Randal Graves: Oh, I'm crazy? Those fuckin' hobbit movies were boring as hell. All it was, was a bunch of people walking, three movies of people walking to a fucking volcano.

 

[Little Jerry Lawler]

Dogma
Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.

Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...

Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.

Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.

Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.

Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.

Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

Loki: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.

 

[48.7 is Approximately 49 Times Better Than You]

I'm going to cop out and use some obvious ones.

The Lord of the Rings Triology

Gimli: Nobody tosses a dwarf.

Witch-King: Give up the Halfling, She-Elf!
Arwen: [draws her sword] If you want him, come and claim him!

Frodo: It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.

Sam: I made a promise, Mr Frodo. A promise. "Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.

Gandalf: The battle of Helm's Deep is over; the battle for Middle Earth is about to begin.

Gollum: We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
Smeagol: No. Not master!
Gollum: Yes, precious, false! They will cheat you, hurt you, LIE.
Smeagol: Master is our friend!
Gollum: You don't have any friends; nobody likes you!
Smeagol: I'm not listening... I'm not listening...
Gollum: You're a liar and a thief.
Smeagol: No!
Gollum: *Murderer*.
Smeagol: Go away!
Gollum: "Go away?"
[Gollum laughs as Smeagol begins crying]
Smeagol: I hate you, I hate you.
Gollum: Where would you be without me, gollum, gollum? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me!
Smeagol: [stops crying] Not anymore.
Gollum: What did you say?
Smeagol: Master looks after us now. We don't need you anymore.
Gollum: What?
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
Gollum: No!
Smeagol: Leave now, and never come back!
[Gollum screams in frustration]
Smeagol: LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK!
[Gollum is silent]
Smeagol: [looks around] We told him to go away... and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Smeagol is free!

Aragorn: For Frodo!

Sam: [Both are overcome by exhaustion] Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?
Frodo: No, Sam. I can't recall the taste of food... nor the sound of water... nor the touch of grass. I'm... naked in the dark, with nothing, no veil... between me... and the wheel of fire! I can see him... with my waking eyes!
Sam: Then let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you!

[singing]
Merry, Pippin: You can search far and wide. You can drink the whole town dry. But you'll never find a beer so brown as the one we drink in our hometown. You can drink your fancy ales. You can drink them by the flagon. But the only brew for the brave and tru-u-u-ue comes from the Green Dragon!

Aragorn: My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come, when the courage of men fails! When we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of wolves, and shattered shields when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand! Men of the west!

The Lord of the Rings franchise is quotable. The epic speeches before battles, funny one liners, the dialog between Sam and Frodo... It's all in my head. When I hear speeches like that last one I posted, I get shivers. What can I say? I'm a fan boy.

The Pirates of the Caribbean

Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa , I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal .
Barbossa: There are a lot of long words in there, Miss; we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?
Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.
Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means "no".

Gibbs: Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea!
Jack Sparrow: Yes to the first, yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible.
Gibbs: That seems a bit contradictory, Captain.
Jack Sparrow: I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Gibbs, now where is that monkey, I want to shoot something!

Jack Sparrow: Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish... flipper conories little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought... Human nature, in'it? Ooor... fish nature... So yes... we could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or... ahh... as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful... I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth... Captain Swann. We must fight.

This is the same, for me, as Lord of the Rings. I'm a fanboy and love the series. I only chose one from each move, because if I picked all of the ones I loved, I'd exceed the character limit.