The "Man-gagement Ring"

[IrishCanadian25]

A little background. I used to run a Live Journal site (it's down now) called "Cigar Talk," and yes, that's where the idea for "The Cigar Lounge" was derived. Cigar Talk was a blog where, each Tuesday, I posted a new debate issue and let people go on and go nuts. It was similar to a thread here.

Hottest issue ever? The concept of engagement rings, promise rings, and every other stupid pre-wedding tradition people have cooked up. And I attribute MOST of them to women.

The latest sickening transgression is the existance of the mangagement ring. That's not "management" misspelled, folks, it's an engagement ring for dudes. It's yet another way for insecure betrothed females to further urinate on their "territory," the untrustworthy, testosterone laden males.

These things are an insult. They emasculate men. They add yet another massive price tag to the already out of control (TRUST ME - recent experience!) costs of engagement and marriage.

This ridiculous new idea also has women taking the Sadie Hawkins bullshit a step WAY over the line - some of them are proposing to the men with this ring! And of course, GETTING PISSED IF THE MAN DOESN'T WEAR THE RING! "Why don't you want to wear the ring? Don't you want people to KNOW you're engaged? You're going to the bar? Not without your ring..."

Ugh.

I want to know who feels the same way I do, not just about the Mangagement Ring, but about "Promise Rings," and every other silly norm the marriage pimps have dreamed up. I for one would dump a girl who asked me to wear a mangagement ring faster than Sunny LoSpecchio would dump a girl who didn't unlock the driver side door for him!

 

[NSL]

Promise rings are a bunch of crap. It's a chickenshit way of saying "I may eventually marry you, as long as you continue to put out, and don't piss me off. Oh yeah, and if your sister keeps turning me down."

As far as "mangagement" rings, I'm not a big fan. My girlfriend keeps talking about getting engaged, and wanting to pick out rings, but I'm just not a fan of jewelry. I'll definitely by her the big fancy ring she wants, but I don't see the need to wear a ring to say that I'm going to get married. Once I'm married, to follow in tradition, I'll wear a ring. But until then, it's just not me.

 

[X]

Uh oh, whatever you do do NOT let Becky read that post IC, you're just asking for it man!

I agree with you completely about the "commercialization of marriage" if you will, concocting new ways to exploit more money out of people because of supposed "rites of passage" like marriage. This "mangagement ring" you speak of is a bit of a tricky subject though. I mean on one hand, what's the big deal really? You ask the woman to marry you and have her wear your ring, why can't the asking part and whatnot be the other way around? It's all just silly standards that were set thousands of years ago by people infinitely less wise than out current society. I agree with you about it being emasculating, but really that's only because of these same cultural preconceived notions about specific gender roles. You'd probably feel the same way if your wife were making way more money than you and working more than you. It's not right, but I can totally understand why you'd feel that way, and truthfully I'd feel the same way. But really it's just something silly to get worked up over if you really think about it. When I find the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I know I'd have no problem flaunting a ring or any other sign of that union.

That said, again, I totally understand where you're coming from man. I'd feel emasculated too. Damn these silly cultural preconceived notions of ours. Damn them to hell. I know I'd definitely want to be the one doing the proposing.

 

[D-Man]

I'm a single guy and I've never been engaged, but there is one tradition and we should all stick to it. A man should propose to a woman and offer her an engagement ring. PERIOD.

Promise rings and man-gagement rings are other versions of control that women have concocted over the years to prevent their horny, untrustworthy men from banging other women. Here's a thought... maybe if you stayed interesting the man wouldn't stray away! Let's face it... women have no problem leaving a guy when their interests aren't fulfilled. But when a guy does it he's considered a dog, right? Total bullshit.

Ladies, stick to the tradition. If a man doesn't propose when you feel he should, then either shit or get off the pot. Make a decision. Love him or leave him. But don't try and find new ways to keep men on a leash.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

It's times like these I wish we had more females on the forums. I mean, we have Becca, but she's sorta like a dude in that she's very cool and laid back.

The reason why? This thread will become a cathartic male bitch session, but without the female presence, it's harder to really explore the double-standard.

X, you raised a great point about the income thing. Now to be honest, I wouldn't have an issue with a successful fiancee / wife making more than I make. If she has that kind of skill, then good for her. Becky and I are about even, and we make it all work for us.

But the Mangagement Ring? And a female proposing to a male? No thank you. If she's gonna pull that shit, her dad best be giving me a couple goats and a cow.

 

[HBK-aholic]

As a completely jealous, insecure girlfriend, I'd definitely be annoyed if I'd bought a guy a ring and he didn't wear it. Not that I would, I'm way too traditional for that. I'm not big on the whole girl proposing to a guy thing, just because I'd want HIM to have made the choice to want to be with me forever, as opposed to it being what I'd thought of.

But I'm not sure why wearing an engagement ring is seen as a bad thing, aside from the cost of an extra ring. It emasculates men, really hon? Not sure what a ring has to do with masculinity if I'm honest, maybe I need to be a guy to understand it? I mean, women are expected to wear engagement rings, and if I went to a bar without mine on, it'd be enough to get my fiancé wondering why, and he probably wouldn't like it.

I'm like a dude? I'll take that as a compliment, I think. But, I'm still a girl, and I dream of the perfect white wedding. At the end of the day, none of it is important - if you're marrying the person you love what else matters? But still, when you're planning it, the vision of what everything looks like comes back to you, leading to a very commercialised expensive wedding. It's not really important, but it'd make me smile that bit more.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

Take it from a guy who just went through the big traditional wedding and reception - it was awesome, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything!

Let me also state that it's not the "wearing of rings" that emasculates a guy, it's the ENGAGEMENT ring that would do it.

Rings guys are permitted to wear:

Championship Rings (Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, etc.)
College Rings
High School Rings (only if under the age of 19, because otherwise it's pathetic)
Wedding Rings

Men SHOULD NOT WEAR ENGAGEMENT RINGS! That's for women to wear. Always has been, always will be.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

I so agree! I mean, what's the point of signaling to the world that you're in a committed relationship? It's not like a ring is a means of communicating to other people that you're not available. As humans, we know no boundaries, so rings are pointless; even if someone we're attracted to has "I'm married" tattooed on their head, we're all still going to try to fuck them anyway!

 

[BladeRunner]

Hmm, well I gave my wife an engagement ring. And eventually we got married and now I wear a ring.

Now, if she was the one who proposed, that would've been cool too. But her getting down on one knee and then opening a box from "Kay Jewlers" I'd be like "WTF".

Even if she proposed, an engagement ring wouldn't be for me. I'm not a "jewelry type" of guy so thats why. But y'know, I'm sure there are jewelry type of guys who might like that?

The only reason engagement rings exist is because of tradition(and also maybe because most women really like jewelry). Without said tradition, there wouldn't be any rings of any sort, marriage or otherwise. If you like the tradition keep it going. But you can only distort a tradition so much before it no longer becomes relevant.

 

[ABMorales787]

I was raised by Adventist's of the 7th day. A religion in which jewelry, make-up and tattoos are considered obstruction's to God's temple (our body). I don't follow said religion, but really intrigues me that they don't use rings. It shows that a ring, whether its an engagement ring, wedding band or that man-something ring IC mentioned really mean nothing. Its just a novelty. What's important is that there is mutual communication between a couple and show of affection. If you truly love her, then you won't allow other women to get "close" and interfere. If she truly loves, she will trust you no matter what. Tradition is good, but true love is always better.

If she gives you one of those, man-thing rings or any other jewelry and you don't like it, then my advice is this: Say it at the beggining. You just met? Try to slip it in the conversation. "I don't like jewelry". Remind her. It worked for my relationship (which ended). Never got me jewelry, she got me clothes instead.

I wonder how the hell would those men ask the question? Use a box of chocolates instead?

 

[HBK-aholic]

Take it from a guy who just went through the big traditional wedding and reception - it was awesome, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything!

Let me also state that it's not the "wearing of rings" that emasculates a guy, it's the ENGAGEMENT ring that would do it.

Rings guys are permitted to wear:

Championship Rings (Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, etc.)
College Rings
High School Rings (only if under the age of 19, because otherwise it's pathetic)
Wedding Rings

Men SHOULD NOT WEAR ENGAGEMENT RINGS! That's for women to wear. Always has been, always will be.

Your post is so devoid of reason I want to infract you for spam . But seriously, why is an engagement ring the bad thing here? Just because it 'always has been' for women? Things change, the vote used to be only for men, why can't this change as well? What's the problem with showing the world you're engaged? While I wouldn't ever propose to a guy, I think it'd be sweet if I saw a guy wearing an Engagement ring.

 

[PEP3]

What's so wrong with a woman asking a man to show his commitment to their relationship by wearing a ring the same way a woman is expected to do as much with her own engagement ring? If two people have agreed that they will one day enter into an equal partnership with one-another -- that being the sanctity of marriage -- then both should be held equally accountable through whatever practices they collectively agree upon. In other words, if a man gives a woman a ring to mark her as his, then he should in turn agree to wear a similar ring marking him as hers.

Now, if you're slightly neanderthal and think that the woman basically becomes the property of the man and, therefore, should wear an engagement ring the way a dog wears a collar which signifies the owner, then I can fully understand thinking that it would be wrong to similarly sign yourself over to her. However, most modern thinking indicates that a woman is NOT "chattle," i.e., a belonging like a dog or a car, but an equal partner in the marriage. To signify such equality, both partners should play by the same rules. Therefore, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

If she wears the ring, you wear the ring. If you don't, then don't expect her to.

Moreover, my experience has always been that if a guy scoffs at either being engaged, wearing a ring or keeping it on once it's been given, the woman should simply walk away. The man has clear and obvious issues about making the commitment and can't be expected to come around any sooner than he's ready to. Sometimes, that never happens, so the woman should cut her losses quickly and find a guy that's not afraid to commit!

When she finds one that wants the relationship as badly as she does, he'll be willing to wear the ring without any pressure to do so at all.

 

[theviolentmessiah]

I have a split opinion on the different aspects of this.

I wouldn't want to wear a ring out of choice, I'm not a ring fan, but if it means that much to my girlfriend I'm sure I could manage it, I think it's unfair that I'm allowed to claim her as mine but she's not allowed to do the same, she's not my property.

On the same level, I think it's unfair to say only men can propose to women, I dont really care about tradition, why should I run everything. Just because she may want marriage before you doesn't mean you can rely on tradition to save you because you're maybe not as dedicated. I think it's fair that either gender can propose. Equality is something society is supposed to pride itself on these days.

 

[Freddy4190]

If a girl got down on one knee in front of me, she better be doing something else then proposing. Nah, joking. I do think some females take this "Anything you can do, I can do too" shit a little too far sometimes. This is pretty ridiculous. If a girl told me to wear one of those, i'd laugh in her face and ask if she kept the receipt. That's just creepy. Guys wearing purses too, labeling them shoulder bags. Nah..

 

[Milkyway!]

There are people in high school have engagement and promise rings. I find it to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Almost every single couple outside of one thats had these "Promise" rings relationship usually blows up, and the entire school ends up laughing at their malarkey. As for engagement rings, I only know of one couple with one of those, and well I'm just waiting for her to come in knocked up anyday now.

As for your mangagement ring, seems a little stupid. I don't get the point. If hes asked you to marry him, he obviously loves you. Hes already paying for a very expensive wedding (I'm pretty sure to have a decent wedding, it costs more than 10,000$ these days) don't make him buy another 100$ ring (or more)

 

[Spaceman Spif]

Ya know, I used to be the whole "man proposes to woman, woman wears engagement ring" type of man, but then I got engaged, and the fiancee at the time asked what I thought of wearing an engagement ring. I told her I was in the middle on it, didn't matter either way.

Now her knowing I'm half-Irish and I embrace that, she got me a Claddagh ring, which I thought was a sweet gesture and I wore it. I didn't have a problem with it, it didn't bother me that I wore a engagement ring, because really no one paid no mind to anyways, likely they thought I was already married. And those who asked and I told it was a Man-gagement ring, were find with it. So really it's no big deal.

Kind of time to shave off all the body hair, toss the clubs aside and walk a little more upright don't ya think?

 

[PEP3]

If a girl got down on one knee in front of me, she better be doing something else then proposing. Nah, joking. I do think some females take this "Anything you can do, I can do too" shit a little too far sometimes. This is pretty ridiculous. If a girl told me to wear one of those, i'd laugh in her face and ask if she kept the receipt. That's just creepy. Guys wearing purses too, labeling them shoulder bags. Nah..

There's a big difference between wearing a ring and a purse, Freddy.

However, I'd encourage you to laugh in the face of any woman who offered you a ring like this. It would be best for you not to wear the ring. That way it wouldn't cause any chafing when she left your ass, and all you had was that hand to keep you warm at night.

 

[VKO]

I'm a single guy and I've never been engaged, but there is one tradition and we should all stick to it. A man should propose to a woman and offer her an engagement ring. PERIOD.

Now don't you think that comes off a bit sexist. If a women wants to get married and doesn't want to wait for her man to propose to her. I don't see why she can't propose to him. It's an equal rights thing.

Promise rings and man-gagement rings are other versions of control that women have concocted over the years to prevent their horny, untrustworthy men from banging other women. Here's a thought... maybe if you stayed interesting the man wouldn't stray away! Let's face it... women have no problem leaving a guy when their interests aren't fulfilled. But when a guy does it he's considered a dog, right? Total bullshit.

This I agree with but it all boils down to preconceived stereotypes that all men are pigs and women are precious angels that need to be cared for by a man for all eternity.

Ladies, stick to the tradition. If a man doesn't propose when you feel he should, then either shit or get off the pot. Make a decision. Love him or leave him. But don't try and find new ways to keep men on a leash.

I don't think its as much about keeping us on a leash as ****ing more money out of our pockets lol.

 

[Kashagi]

This is an amusing thread, but as has been said why is it such a problem to wear an engagement ring? If your so uptight about it.... man up

Im 18 just left school, going to study classical music at Uni next year, my girlfriend is moving in with me. For my birthday she bought me a ring, I suppose you could call it a Promise Ring if you wanted though we never have. But she simply bought the ring as a reminder of her love, whats wrong with that? I thought it was quite sweet.

I know alot of the ring business amounts to nothing, especially in the promise ring category, where most people simply arent ready to take such a commitment so seriously, but at the same time, who cares?.. The idea of a promise ring or an engagement ring is a beautiful idea, and it does sound stupid that you complain about wearing an engagement ring to a bar when women are expected to do the same thing.

As for promise rings, in the end, yeah most of them are silly, but at the same time, the idea really is a nice one and there will exist those relationships that truly do follow such a beautiful concept amidst all the terrible ones.

 

[Father:_Polley]

My fiancee has voiced her support of this idea, but I don't think she was actually serious. Fact is a ring isn't going to stop you looking at other women, it's not going to keep it in your pants. Ok, it may put some women off, thinking you're married (why might that be... we'll address in a second), but the fact is, if you don't trust your guy to go out without a ring, your relationship is in more trouble than a ring will cure

My fiancee doesn't always wear her ring. She sometimes leaves it at home to go out. I'm not worried she's going to sleep with a guy at the shop because she doesn't have her ring, so why should girls be.

Because men are more likely to cheat - Unless your other half swings both ways, a woman will be involved. Possibly one who knows he's taken. Women cheat too you see

Men wear a ring when married - Traditional. Old fashioned maybe, but then apparantly so is holding a door open. So is asking permission to marry your fiancee, and you don't complain.

As for women, proposing with them... why not just bring out the knife, meat block and chop them off. Seriously, if you're that desperate just to be married because it's the traditional thing to do, nag him until he does it or dump him!

Personally, I hate jewellery. I wear a watch when I remember, and a wooden bracelet on my wrist and the idea that someone would get annoyed for me not wanting to wear a ring to show I was engaged would irritate me. I'm content enough to try the wedding ring, but as a rule, men don't like jewellery

 

[Razor]

Rings guys are permitted to wear:

Championship Rings (Super Bowl, Stanley Cup, etc.)
College Rings
High School Rings (only if under the age of 19, because otherwise it's pathetic)
Wedding Rings

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I believe I need to convene a full meeting of the International Court of Man to add this list to Man Law.

To get closer to the topic, I can understand women proposing to men. That's legit. A woman can ask a man out on a date, so the next logical step is asking a man to spend the rest of his life with her. I completely understand that train of reasoning.

However, what the fuck is this "Mangagement Ring" business? Engagement Rings were always meant, if I'm correct, to symbolize that the woman is engaged to be married. It's a sophisticated way of pissing on her, basically. That is needed, because men are primitive primates that will try to fuck anything moving. At least with the engagement ring we give our future wives a further line of defense.

The engagement ring is meant to show other men "Hey, keep the fuck back. I'm taken, don't try it." There is no such need for a man going out amongst women, and so I see no such need for the "Mangagement Ring." It's useless. Now a Tungsten Carbide wedding ring, that's what I'm all about.

 

[Loveless]

The engagement ring is meant to show other men "Hey, keep the fuck back. I'm taken, don't try it." There is no such need for a man going out amongst women, and so I see no such need for the "Mangagement Ring." It's useless. Now a Tungsten Carbide wedding ring, that's what I'm all about.

Why is there no such need for a man going out amongst women? Same rules for everyone.

Really I think this goes to the woman's intent. If it's about equality and commitment then I'd have no such problem wearing a ring, it's really no different from a wedding ring. On the other hand, if this is about some need to quell the females insecurity then I'd have some serious issues with it. Rings are symbolic, they represent voluntary commitment and that is totally undermined if they're about possession, insecurity and distrust.

 

[Mustang Sally]

[QUOTE="The Kill Joy" Robert Morales;1547569]What's important is that there is mutual communication between a couple and show of affection.[/QUOTE]

That's what it is. Personally, I'd enjoy having things done the traditional way, with the guy proposing to me and giving me an engagement ring which I wear proudly.

But you know what? If I didn't receive the ring, I wouldn't feel any less engaged. By the same token, my plans wouldn't include giving him a mangagement ring (not traditional!) but if he indicated he wanted one, I'd gladly pony up and get it.

It's the wishes of the couple that matter, not the baubles that often signify nothing but materialism. I'll even admit there are gals who worry about the engagement ring and the wedding before they even have a guy picked out to marry! Which, obviously......stinks.

I don't feel that a mangagement ring emasculates the man who wears it, nor do I believe that a guy who refuses to wear one is any less devoted to his inamorata. If it takes the presence of a ring on the finger to indicate that a guy or a gal is "out of circulation," I'd say the marriage is in trouble before it even begins.