The Life And Trials Of Dave; A Tech Consultant.

[Dave]

So, whilst I was lurking on Facebook, I came across an article that ripped into Wal*Mart and gave consumer tips for people who wanted to buy or retunr things. Now, I know that I don't work for Wal*Mart (Or however it is spelled) but I do work for a retail chain where I am a tech manager. It is a job I have worked towards since coming out of school and although I have good grades and went to university, this was a good paying job that I could take until my police application is put through.

Unfortunately, the police service up here is not hiring at the moment due to budget cuts. That's fine because I actually like my job. However, I thought it would be fun to share with you some of the stories I have come across during my time as a retail worker.

Some of you might have done a similar job and it would be fun to hear from you as well.

Now, the first story is an oddly humorous tale from a couple of weeks back. When an older gentleman approached me for some help, I knew that he would be a strange one. His clothes were too small for him and he really reeked of piss. Upon my asking what he was looking for, he replied with a very swift “PORN!”. Now, I am not one to be taken aback often but this caught me off guard. Upon getting down to the logistics of this, he told me that he wanted a box for his TV that had all “the dirty channels” included. I set him up with a box and he went home happy to become a lot happier.

Around a week later, he came back into the store whilst I wasn’t in and demanded to speak with me. Apparently, his wife had found out about said channels and he wasn’t happy with me at all. He came in the next day and I talked to him for a while. It turns out that he had told his wife that I had recommended that he watch some porn because “he was old and wouldn’t get some from his wife”. Needless to note, I didn’t say that. It was just his cover story because she had found out about the channels.

Pretty funny stuff anyway. I have more but I will spread them out over the course of time. I’ll also update you with any others that I get during my upcoming shifts.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

Gotta love old people. Were there any false repercussions for you?

 

[Dave]

Other than being thoroughly embarrassed, then no.

So, tonight I had a pretty funny return.

The woman was trying to return a camera that she had thought was broken. It was but not in the way that it was first described. Now, if you return it to us in the condition that you got it in, then we will quite happily give you a refund. However, this woman was adamant that she was getting a refund for her camera. The camera itself was fucked though. The screen was smashed and the optical zoom was frozen in an outward position.

What made it worse was her boyfriend telling her that if she kept shouting at me for long enough, I would eventually cave in and give her the money back, despite the fact that she told me she had dropped it whilst partying one night. In actual fact though, all I did was call the police and get escorted home by the cops as they told me that they were going to wait for me outside my store when I finished.

The police came and removed them from the store and then gave me a lift home. All for a £60 camera.

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

The reasons I could never work in retail.

 

[Dave]

I thought I was going to be stabbed tonight. I was pretty disappointed at the result.

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

Right to carry my friend. Not sure if they have that where you live though.

 

[Dave]

They definitely don't, if we are talking about the right to carry weapons?

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

Oh yes.

 

[Dave]

In that case, no. We are not psychopaths. Well, for the most part.

 

[a0161613]

Wow, I think I have had really boring jobs.

Although now I work with my fiance's family business, I feel like I have more of a right to kill her brother, one of her uncles and one of her cousin for being lazy dicks.

 

[.]

wow Dave that seems like a tough job. I work part time in a chinese take-away helping deliver food where the boss doesn't know a lick of english and screams in chinese to his workers(Including me) who about half are part chinese but have been raised in Ireland and don't speak chinese. There is like 2 people who actually understand him. One of them is only working once a week though. In short it is a bitch and most of the people whom we deliver food to will only talk to me as they can tell i speak english.

 

[Dave]

Wow, I think I have had really boring jobs.

Although now I work with my fiance's family business, I feel like I have more of a right to kill her brother, one of her uncles and one of her cousin for being lazy dicks.

One thing I cannot tolerate is laziness. It really drives up the wall to see people doing nothing when there are things that could be getting accomplished. It also bothers me that people are getting the same pay as me for doing less work than I am.

wow Dave that seems like a tough job. I work part time in a chinese take-away helping deliver food where the boss doesn't know a lick of english and screams in chinese to his workers(Including me) who about half are part chinese but have been raised in Ireland and don't speak chinese. There is like 2 people who actually understand him. One of them is only working once a week though. In short it is a bitch and most of the people whom we deliver food to will only talk to me as they can tell i speak english.

I actually adore my job. These little run-ins are what keep me going when I am bored and need cheering up. For the most part, I really enjoy what I do and the perks and pay I get for it are brilliantly fair, I would think.

I can't really complain to the same extent that you clearly can. You really do have a testing job.

 

[ABMorales787]

Your jobs pretty awesome, Dave. I wish I could just tell people how dumb they are, but I just prepare heart-attack inducing meals. Reminds me of when I kicked the bum.

 

[Phoenix]

Other than being thoroughly embarrassed, then no.

So, tonight I had a pretty funny return.

The woman was trying to return a camera that she had thought was broken. It was but not in the way that it was first described. Now, if you return it to us in the condition that you got it in, then we will quite happily give you a refund. However, this woman was adamant that she was getting a refund for her camera. The camera itself was fucked though. The screen was smashed and the optical zoom was frozen in an outward position.

What made it worse was her boyfriend telling her that if she kept shouting at me for long enough, I would eventually cave in and give her the money back, despite the fact that she told me she had dropped it whilst partying one night. In actual fact though, all I did was call the police and get escorted home by the cops as they told me that they were going to wait for me outside my store when I finished.

The police came and removed them from the store and then gave me a lift home. All for a £60 camera.

See we have customers similiar, but usually the one we get the most is customers who buy a camera and have been told that there is a 30 day refund and exchange period, any fault afterwards is down to manufacturers guarantee, they come back about 2 months later with the excuses that they "hardly used the camera" or "didn't have the chance to stop by" some of the excuses people make. You make an investment, expect to live by the rules we set.

We had a girl who had one of those film cameras that uses 120 film, forgot the brand, and it appears she got sold a dodgey film with it. Put it through our developer which works fine with normal film processing, film got wiped blank, never happens at all. This is a break from the usual helping old ladies order photo prints or listening to puppies die from the girls talking about X-Factor. Though we played Fozzy and Alter Bridge all day on our music system, that made it for me!

 

[Stormtrooper]

I thought I was going to be stabbed tonight. I was pretty disappointed at the result.

You were disappointed you WEREN'T stabbed? I would think you would be disappointed if you WERE stabbed, being that stabbing leads to immense pain, serious injury, and possibly death.

Oh, and the 2 stories are very humorous so far (sans the threatening to stab part).

 

[CH David]

Dave, remember last year when I said if anything happened to me (I forgot what the topic was) but if I got shot or stabbed that the first thing I would do is post on WZ, then get picked up by the ambulance, and you would fly out here? Good times.

My internship is the shit. I worked an event last Thursday at a bar and grill, and got one of the waitresses numbers. She is bangin' and I got to hang out with one of my favorite radio personalities. Sunday I went to hand out Pepsi Max and some Q101 mugs to Bears fans that were tailgating. All very nice people who said fuck yeah to free mugs.

 

[a0161613]

One thing I cannot tolerate is laziness. It really drives up the wall to see people doing nothing when there are things that could be getting accomplished. It also bothers me that people are getting the same pay as me for doing less work than I am.

I'll be honest; I have my days when I dont do a lot and spend some time just surfing the net, but that is when it is slow for everyone.

What gets me is when I am rushed off my feet, get no help from them plus I get caught having to do their job by answering phone calls and unpacking.

You are very lucky to have a job you love. But it is good to have the ambition of going to the police; it's tough to get but I know someone who did it and loves it.

 

[Ty Burna]

Since we are speaking about Tech consulting, I"m tech support so it's close enough.

Today I had a customer call saying they couldn't connect to a wireless signal. We recently installed a massive wireless extender so it could reach their house 400+ feet away. So I determine they are trying to connect to the wrong wireless signal and the customer gives me his daughter's cell number to call her and troubleshoot with her. I call her and she's over 400 miles away across the state.

I want to stab someone with a sharpie right now.

 

[.]

I actually adore my job. These little run-ins are what keep me going when I am bored and need cheering up. For the most part, I really enjoy what I do and the perks and pay I get for it are brilliantly fair, I would think.

I can't really complain to the same extent that you clearly can. You really do have a testing job.

I actually got fired today. The boss may not speak english but he understands it.

 

[Stormtrooper]

Since we are speaking about Tech consulting, I"m tech support so it's close enough.

Today I had a customer call saying they couldn't connect to a wireless signal. We recently installed a massive wireless extender so it could reach their house 400+ feet away. So I determine they are trying to connect to the wrong wireless signal and the customer gives me his daughter's cell number to call her and troubleshoot with her. I call her and she's over 400 miles away across the state.

I want to stab someone with a sharpie right now.

did the girl sound hot?

Oh wait, you're married, never mind. Don't go telling your wife you got a girls number though.

 

[Ty Burna]

did the girl sound hot?

Oh wait, you're married, never mind. Don't go telling your wife you got a girls number though.

I'm not even sure she was of legal age, and as the line goes I'm not fucking with no underage groupie.

You know, if I were single.

 

[Dave]

I had an absolute beast of a customer today.

In store, we offer an online service, whereby people can order items and come to the store 2 days later and pick it up once it has been delivered. Just as I was walking past this desk, I see the new DJ Hero 2 game sitting on the counter that had been delivered for someone. Now, I know that DJ Hero does not go on release until Friday, so needless to say, I was bewildered as to why it had been delivered.

Upon further inspection, I see that she had only paid for the actual game and not the bundle of hardware too. I phoned up to our head office and they told me everything was in order. So there was me arguing with a rep from our head office because she believed that the correct thing had been ordered and delivered. Her ignorance and stupidity would not let her brain wrap itself around the fact that we could get sued for thousands of pounds because we have sold a game before official launch.

Whilst I was arguing with the head office rep, I was also arguing with the customer, who felt it was their right to get what they had ordered and get it today. Wrong! When I eventually got her to realise her mistake, she was shocked that she was, at one point, willing to lose £120 on the game and hardware and thousands of pounds on the lawsuit we would have probably got.

I work with monkeys.

 

[Барбоса]

I remember the secrecy and embargoes that came with a Harry Potter release when I worked in a book store. They were more harsh than usual as there had recently been an uproar regarding DVDs being sold by major retailers before the actual date of release.

Having said that, you can still get games, DVDs, CDs etc. early when ordered online as they can guarantee on the release day delivery but are relying on the postal service to be consistent. Think I got SMG2 a day early because of it

 

[Dave]

Yeah, I get most of my games a day early because of pre-orders. Still though, I never get it 2 days early through my work. It was just a picking error probably.

 

[Lee]

We had a customer saying the Engineer wouldn't fix the camera as it was "accidental damage" she said it wasn't. I rang the engineer and he said on the camera was a video of someone and then suddenly the camera drops and bounces off the floor.

Classic.