Sam's Funny Threads Which He Found On Other Forum(s): #1

[Uncle Sam]

I live in Taiwan and on Friday I went to a shitty Filipino bar run by the local mafia. I played some pool, danced with some hookers, got really drunk and then asked for my bill which was an astounding $6,000 NT (a little over $200 US). This was highly inflated, and they were obviously trying to rip off the drunk foreigner (my local friend drank more and his bill was 1/3 of that). Rather than pay, I snuck out the back and into a cab, laughing all the way home about it.

When I woke up the next day, it wasn't so funny. Especially because I was getting calls from a hooker who works in the bar whom I had foolishly given my # to. I spoke to her briefly and she told me her boss is really mad, but she thinks I should just take her clubbing on Friday instead of paying them back. But she might be lying, or setting a trap, or she may have even given them my #...can they do anything with that?

Now that I'm sitting here stoned I'm really paranoid that a couple of Asian thugs will show up looking to break my legs or something. Am I really in trouble or just stoned & paranoid? Should I go back to pay my tab or would that just be asking for more trouble?

Beat that Will.

 

[Tim]

He's stoned and paranoid.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I just found out a midget has an 8 in. penis. I'm a bit depressed at the moment.

 

[Tim]

I just found out a midget has an 8 in. penis. I'm a bit depressed at the moment.

Because it's 100 times the size of yours??

 

[Tim]

Yay for random stories about my year 8 class that none of you will understand!

'Tis was PE time. A mob of mobs swarm towards the Pizza Hut and Gym, splitting up at a certain point in the fork road. Down to the 12min run. The whistle went... I ran around following Stefan and Co. Alex ran next to Stefan, slowly getting tired and beginning to look slow. He tried to make Stefan walk with him but Stefan declined. So.. in order to stop Stefan, Alex tries to clothesline Stefan, only problem is... Stefan is pretty tall. Alex is pretty short.
So. The arm moved to the right at a speed of 159km/h, smashing into Stefans balls in a massive squelch. Yes, I said MASSIVE SQUELCH! It was so funny that everyone stopped by to have a look.
"HAHA" Says Martin, "Now Cassie'll be all mine!" And so, Stefan gets up to try bash up Martin.
-12min later-
Martin celebrated as Stefan K.Oed himself trying to shuffle and he fell on Martins shiny head and broke his jaw -again-. Martin did a celebration and ran around the oval, attempted to kiss Cassie, got slapped and then beaten with a softball bat, tried to kiss Campbell, got sprayed with B.O, and ran to the Jells Park fence.
"Hey, hru? Wat up?" He asked a stranger
"Get in the car," said Jake Williams. And so Martin was never to be seen again. (In this story)
And so, it was time to record the scores for the 12min run, since everyone was busy watching Stefan writhe in hilarious pain, they were 0.5, 1.6 etc. It was Campbell's turn to say.
"I th-th-think I g-got 98 laps" said Campbell. Mr Lindsay looked awestruck and in disbelief.
"OMG CAMPBELL!" He said, "GOOD JOB! NOW YOU CAN HAVE AN AWARD! For biggest fken Liar in the world!"
Recess Came at quite a time, Jeremy felt rich so he gave me $2 to buy an Up & Go! YEAHHH! Up and Go Buddiesss! xD Jeremy also bought a hot-dog, he decided to shove it up Matt's ass followed by a $5 note. So, Matt sold his ass for $5 and bought a hot dog and shoved it into Sai's eye!
Suddenly, Chris Watson, Jack Mannix, Alex Lai all rush into the library, knocking over Mrs Austin in the process, Woah, something useful for once. So we went in to check what they were doing. Linerider club was back, the shrill girly laughter filled the library. *Sigh* Puberty at its peak? Hmmm.. I think so
Quote from another source --I'M JACK! I THINK I'M SO COOL BECAUSE I GOT INTO THE YEAR 9 COMMITEE! LINE RIDER ANYONE? --
While getting my books, Ben comes up and asks,"WANNA FIGHT?!"
"Ok," I say. He looked extremely girly scared and tripped over a soccer ball and fell down the stairs, and breaking what he calls his wanking hand . OH GOD I HANDSHAKED IT! *wipes onto Aran's back*
"WTF ARE YOU DOING?" Asks Arangitharan
"Giving you Alzheimers"
"OMG I HAVE ALZHEIMERS! HELP ME!" Screams Ian. So we gave him a picture of the person he likes and he shut up. Melons xD ~Get it?~
Scienceeeeeee is gheyyyy =] So Mr Ellis took Mrs Koehler out of the room for a while. Oh and guess what? We AGAIN used Pontius Pilates X-Ray Visions which magically repaired itself from its encounter with Mr Merrett's thumb, saw Mr Ellis using his epididymis in funny ways. 'Nuff Said.
Seeing this opportunity, Campbell went to Clarisse, "Can I marry you?"
"No"
He went to Sophie, "Can I screw you?"
"Hell No"
He went to Jacqui, "Can I shoot you?"
Jacqui replied, "N-"
Suddenly James Gatt runs in "YESSSS" he was then followed by a bunch of British and German people carrying pitch forks, seems he'd been doing bad tantrums there. And they're are now illegal in most countries.
"I'll save you!" Said Hugh. So he did some ninja thingy and blew up the Poms and then he told a Hitler speech to the Germans and converted them. And so he left to Melbourne High to make it his own.
With that, Matt and Campbell and Mrs Ebs all stood up and went to Amy.
'Eiga ni Ikimashyou?" Asked Mrs Ebs
"Wanna go to the movies?" Asked Matt
"H-How do I-I do this M-Maths equation?" Asked Campbell
"Dunno" Replies Amy
"YESS! It's not a no" says Matt.
"No" says Amy, "I was talking to Campbell, I wanted him to leave first because he smells"
And so the Gay Orgyyyyyy *Matt T's Words* of random questions continued.
"Hey, will you go out with me?" Asks Brady to someone I'm not sure if I should say.
"Ummm....." They reply
"Hey Nick, will you go out with me?" Asks Brady
"OK!" Says Nick, "Lets have Gay Smex Time with Blake and Martins Jumper he left behind.
" Help me" Screamed Blake.
"Ok," says Campbell
"Wait, I change my mind" Says Blake. Campbell's blindness made him try hug Cassie. Stefna jumped out of nowhere and saved her, he hit his crown jewels against a chair and they made another large SQUELCH. I feel sick.... New Topic!!!
High School Musical... music. What a great movie, since I BAKE! The melodic songs rung through the room, making Campbell's spidey senses tingle. He's breathing heaved as he let off a massive bomb (fart). The room reeked so everyone ran out, except Mr Cousins who liked the smell. The door between us and him melted from intensity of the fart, inside, a Mr Cousins skeleton appeared, burnt to the bone, LITERALLY!. So we ran for it as the building melted and unforutunately collapsed on Stefan.
-To be continued if someone pays me-

It's a good story.

 

[Uncle Sam]

The fuck?

 

[Hyorinmaru]

people spamming up your thread.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Innit.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

yea no, that dude is fucked. he needs to leave town. like nowish.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Went to bar owned by mafia and didn't pay? Idiot. He'll be found in a box somewhere

 

[Dark Blaze]

For being such an ass, it's hard to pity him.

Run by local mafia. They could be screwing me hard over a toilet, I'd take it with a smile on my face.

 

[Freedom 35]

dudes super fucked