Relationship Deal Breakers: What Are Things You Can't Get Over

[Calderownz]

Personally, three major things kill it for girls in a relationship for me.

1. Lying: I don't mean white lies, I'm talking about holding things in from me. I just can't help it. If I don't want to know, it's different. (For example, how many partners they've had, that could be a bad thing.) Don't lie about it, though. Just don't tell me. It's in the past, I don't need to know it.

2. Cheating: Kind of self-explanatory.

3. Being Hypocritical: Blaming me, or bashing me for certain things and then turning around and doing the same thing... Yeaaaaaah. Not thrilled with that.

Those are pretty common, however, I'd assume. Some other things that bother me enough to question the relationship.

- Chewing too loudly. Think about it. That loud tongue slapping for the rest of your life? Could you take it?

- Being too picky with food. Yeah, I hate it. Just eat it and shut your mouth.

- Some girl that doesn't get my sense of humor. Call me egotistical, but I consider myself very funny. If a girl doesn't like it, I don't like her. Lol. (In retrospect, I realize how unfunny that sounds. Nonetheless, I stand by it.)

What about you guys?

 

[Navi]

Let's take your points one by one.

Lying

There's a huge difference between someone lying about something and just not telling you or withholding information. Most people don't start off telling their whole life story to begin with. These are things that you find out as you get to know the person. Like as they feel more comfortable with you, they will open up and tell you more.

Do you really want to know about old boyfriends/girlfriends. Like you said it's in the past and really not part of your relationship. usually what you don't know won't hurt you.

Cheating

I have always said that once someone cheats on you, they'll do it again given the chance. These type's of people shouldn't be in a committed relationship to begin with, as they clearly don't know the meaning of the word.

Being Hypocritical

Unless you point it out most don't realize they do it. If you don't want to accept any blame for anything at all, then don't get into a serious relationship. It usually works both ways. You're going to have fights and things you've done or said in the past will be brought up. Both partners will do it. Get over the fight and move on.

About the food thing. What are you going to do if someone has an allergy to a specific food like nuts or seafood. Surely you don't expect someone to eat something that could possibly kill them. We all have likes and dislikes when it comes to food and personally I would never make someone eat something if they didn't like it. That's the surest way to turn people off you.

As for the other stuff you mentioned, I'm sure anyone you meet will have problems with some of your weird little habits. I can't stand it when someone leaves the toilet seat up, and I live in a house with two people that do it. Is it enough to break up a marriage over, no. If the good outweighs the bad, then it's something I can live with.

You will learn to live with other people's little oddities, just as they will learn to live with yours. No one is perfect and our imperfections are what make us unique.

 

[#hamler]

Cheating

This shit's unforgivable. I don't care if it was oral sex, or vaginal sex, I count it as cheating. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I don't or never will see the point in cheating. Unless your partner is incapable of a having a relationship, its pointless. If you want someone else, break up with the individual you're going to cheat on. No one wants a cheater. That's just too far in my book.

Being Jealous

I'm talking about a girl who wants your Facebook password and logs in to check in on it every fucking day. Or a girl that doesn't understand you have friends that happen to be girls and nothing more. I knda get her getting jealous if I'm hanging out with one every night, but if I stop and say something, I don't want her going off on me about it.

Bitchiness

I can't stand it. A girl that doesn't know how to let things go. Instead she bitches and bitches about it until you can't stand to be with her anymore. Then 10 seconds later you see her crying because she feels like the relationship is falling apart. Then you try to cheer her up, go to sleep, and start all over the next day.

That's pretty much all I got. Mostly because of too many expiriences with these types. Lol

 

[LSN80]

Besides the obvious, one of the biggest deal breakers for me is someone that cant hold their own in a conversation.Communication is a big deal to me. When i say that, I mean a couple of things.

1. I have to carry the conversation all the time- Ill admit, I talk alot. Sometimes, Ive been told, it can come across as overbearing, lol. But if the person im with can't respond in kind to simple conversation, or gives me short quick answers, I can't deal with it. It drives me nuts.

2. Failing to be able to develop conmversation topics- I don't mind bringing up topics, because Im opinionated, and can turn almost anything into a conversation topic. I don't expect the person Im with to do the same. I also recognize that there are times where silence is good. But if there's too much silence, where-in the woman cannot simply come up with anything to talk about on their own, then it really gets to me.

3. Someone who can't "agree to disagree"- Look, in a relationship, especially a marriage(like mine) your not going to agree on everything all of the time. One of the biggest barriers we've had to work around is we just don't see eye to eye on certain things, and never will. Someone who tries to make me see their way when Ive made up my mind rubs me the wrong way. Debate is good, and healthy for the brain, but your not going to sway me, so stop.

With the three, I could give the benefit of the doubt on 1 or 2. But if someone was a poor conversationalist in a 3 areas(Ive been there), then it's a certain deal-breaker.

Another thing that gets to me is Ingratitude. There's something about a woman that doesn't say "thank you" that screams entitlement. I don't want credit, or my ego inflated because I dropped 60 on dinner or 120 on a hockey game, but a "thank you" to me goes a long way. It makes me more attentive to their needs, more willing to be romantic, and more willing to do nice things again. A lack of that makes me feel the converse, and ruined one relationship I was in, because she never thanked me, and didn't understand why it bothered me.

The other things have already been stated above. Lying, we all do it, whether it's in our actions or our words. There's things about me my wife doesn't know, and Im sure the same is true on the converse. Ive known her for 10 years too. But I'm sure there are things we will never tell the other, and I can live with that. It's when those actions and words become contradictory on a daily basis that it would become a problem, like the Hypocrisy that was mentioned above.

And yeah, Cheating is a given. Look, I love my wife with everything in me, but if I so much found out she was doing anything physical with another guy, I would leave her, at least. All trust and goodwill, no matter how much she had built up, would be destroyed, and it would be a long time before it could restored, if ever. I don't know if I could ever "be with her" again, knowing she had been with someone else. I define cheating as "anything physical" but maybe that's just me.

 

[PsychoBlack]

I think that in every relationship someone cheats. If it is found out or not is an entirely different thing.

My thing is that i can not stand being compared to a former boyfriend. Just because he did something to you does not mean you should hate every man on the earth and have no trust for them.

Another thing that i can not stand is when females say"Men are all the same". The reason I can't stand this is because if we're all the same so are females, everything bad that a man has done in a relationship a woman has too

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Almost everyone is listing off the same things. They're normal though. Lying, Cheating, Immaturity, those are things that almost anyone would break up a relationship over. It's hard to overlook and accept those events.

I'm gonna swerve here and go with some things that, personally, are simply deal-breakers for me.

Gap Teeth: I mean, seriously. I can't look you directly in the eyes, or face, when you have this. I'll stare non-stop. I'll question why you never got it fixed as a child. I'll never be able to look at any other part of your face. It'll cause problems, and make you feel insecure. And that, in turn, will make me feel bad because you have a teeth issue. That's not my fault, and I damn well shouldn't feel upset because you have a gap. I don't, and if I did, I would've did everything I could to get it fixed.

Short Hair: Yeah, it's pot and kettle; but I'm sure most females wouldn't want to date me because of long hair, either. My major issue here is the fact that it's incredibly hard for any female to make short hair look good. Very rarely can it happen. Long hair is amazing on females, and its the look that needs to stay.

Weight: I'm not superficial in saying if your not skinny, I wouldn't give you a shot - but I'm talking over 180-200lbs. here. Lets be real, if you weigh more than I do, it's not gonna work out.

Bitchy Friends/Family: I'm not spending any portion of my life with someone who's Family or Friends can't get over the fact that I'm the guy in your life. I'm not saying you have to pick - I'm saying I'll make it easier for you. I'm an easy going guy, and the people I like, or want to love, I will accept everyone in their life. (except for ex's, most likely) There is nothing about me to dislike in this situation - because I go out of my way to befriend everyone in someone important to me's life.

The bottomline here is this.. if Friends and/or Family of someone I like, dislike me, they'll spend an incredible portion of their lives trying to break us apart. Why should I (or anyone with me) waste our time on this situation, when the most likely thing to happen is the Friends and Family will stay and the boyfriend would be the odd one out.

I'm not saying every single Family member or Friend has to love me, or even like me.. I'm saying I won't deal with someone who has out-right Friends or Family members who spend time trying to claim I'm wrong for them. It's not your life, its not your choice - and yet so many allow Family and Friends decide things for them.

Sex: I'm an addict. I very much enjoy to have it. I'm an adult. It's apart of life and relationships. If you don't feel like you can spend 2-4 times a week finding multiple ways to pleasure me.. and allow me to return that favor, then you aren't the individual for me. Simple as that.

Now those, are deal breakers for me.

 

[LSN80]

I think that in every relationship someone cheats. If its found out or not is an entirely different thing.

I can honestly say, that Ive never cheated on my wife, not when were dating, engaged, or married. If you mean "emotionally", yeah, i can see where you're coming from, but ive been faithful to my wife, from a physical standpoint, from the beginning.

My thing is that i can not stand being compared to a former boyfriend. Just because he did something to you does not mean you should hate every man on the earth and have no trust for them.

It's a sign of insecurity, honestly. He/she still has emotional wounds from that previous relationship, and you just so happen to have taken that person's place. They can't "get back" at their ex in the way they would like, so you're often the fall guy. It's not right, but it happens all the time.

I hate the converse, to be honest. Ive shared some really personal things with my wife about past relationships, because she's asked. She knows things that have really hurt me from past relationships, and she'll use things MY ex has done against me, or things she knows ive done. This also is a huge product of insecurity. Its gotten better over time, but it still happens.

Another thing that i can not stand is when females say"Men are all the same". The reason I can't stand this is because if we're all the same so are females, everything bad that a man has done in a relationship a woman has too

I hate to play the insecurity card again, but its applicable here too. So often, its a product of "insert hurt here", and the assumption is made that you are going to do the exact same thing. I think its a mixture of a failure to heal from past wounds, low self-esteem, and insecurity. The best way, ive found, is to validate my wife when she says shit that sounds like what you're describing. How can she get mad at me if Im telling her she's right? Ive dodged many an argument due to this. I feel where you're coming from.

 

[Jack-Hammer]

Honesty is a huge thing with me. I know that everyone sort of tells little white lies now and again, but I'm talking about keeping secrets and not being up front about serious issues that could have an affect on the both of us. If somebody can't be honest, it's definitely a deal breaker. For instance, if she runs into her ex and he wants to get back together and doesn't tell me, then I'm gonna be paranoid about shit like that once word eventually gets around to me somehow.

Cheating is also a huge deal breaker with me. I can honestly say that I've always been faithful in relationships. If there's a problem in the relationship, whatever it might be, hooking up with someone else isn't going to fix things. Aside from that, I just consider it basic respect more than anything else.

Arrogance is another deal breaker with me. Don't misunderstand me, I have NO PROBLEM at all with confident women. However, when a woman acts like, believes and expects to be treated as if she is the end all and be all of the universe, then we've got problems. Such a person will almost always put themselves first in any situation, no matter what it is and are generally just out for themselves in the first place. At least, that's been what I've learned in my past experiences.

As far as appearance goes, one deal breaker does have something to do with weight. I work out a lot and I weigh 235 pounds. I don't expect any gal to be this picture of perfection or playboy centerfold wannabe or any of that stuff. But a woman that's roughly in the same ballpark as I am when it comes to weight is something of a deal breaker with me.

Hard drugs are a deal breaker, no ifs ands or buts about it. If someone smokes a little weed every so often, that's not a big deal for me. Maybe if they're smoking 3 or 4 times a day, but doing the hard stuff like coke, crack, heroin, meth and all that shit, it's not happenin' with me.

 

[CH David]

Every relationship usually wants to be based upon honesty, and nobody wants to be cheated on. Those two are pretty academic when it comes to relationships. Love finding that one person cheats, but when their significant other did it's the end of the world. Anyway, besides those two, mine would have to include

Appearance- Like Will and Jack-Hammer said, any female over 180 pounds can't happen. I'm not in the best of shape but I'm working on it, and I can't have a woman who can rival me in weight. Doesn't work and I don't want to die if she starts to rock the cowgirl position. Death by SnuSnu? Not from you big lady.

Physical Hygiene- I'll say it and probably repeat it again, I like giving the oral on women, so if that vag is rank I can't do it. Crusty disgusting vag will turn any boner flacid. No deal. Also as far as hair goes in that region, it doesn't need to be fully shaved but keep the hair away. I don't need to get hair in my mouth when I'm getting her off.

Insecurity- Biggest deal breaker right here. I am with you for a reason. I don't cheat and I'm not trying to end the relationship. I have 6 or 7 close female friends that I trust no matter what and you won't make me stop talking or hanging out with them. I'll kick your ass to the curb before that happens. I understand that previous boyfriends have been complete tools, but don't lump me in with them because I am not them.

Sexual Activity Like Will, I'm a pretty sexual person. If I'm in a relationship or married, I need some sort of activity going on at least 3-4 times a week, whether it be oral, sex, whatever. Oral is big for me. If I can't get it or give it, gone.

 

[Dagger Dias]

My deal breakers are lying, cheating, and showing disrespect for things that I like. I had really high standards but those are the ones I will never change on. Honesty is very important. Why be with someone you can't trust? Cheating is another obvious. Flirting with someone else can be forgiven as sometimes its accidental but kissing or sleeping with someone else if I am seeing you exclusively, sorry but your history. I also needed someone who has respect for the things I like. I can't tell you how many girls I had dated who were rude to me about the fact that I liked video games or wrestling. None of them were asked out for a second date. I was lucky enough to find someone who likes video games and wrestling as much as I do. It's ok to have high standards. Stick to your morals, and don't be with someone who disagrees with you on things you firmly believe. Hopefully that advice will be of help to someone. Anyways.... Those are my deal breakers because I will absolutely not tolerate any dishonesty, infidelity, or disrespect towards me. I never have and I never will.

 

[Loveless]

Only got 2 really. I could add weight issues, going either way but I can look past it as long as you're not in denial.

Smoking/Drugs
Game Over. I've got absolutely zero tolerance for smokers, to the point where I won't even be friends with them. It's a sign of recklessness, weakness, ego and denial.

Stupidity
There's nowhere to go with this. I'm all about equality and you've no idea what I'm talking about, or I'm listening to you and you're boring me, you have no chance. I've turned down some ridiculously attractive women because of this reason. It makes me sad

 

[HBK-aholic]

Aside from the obvious lying/cheating etc, one thing I hate is boyfriends who are consistently late for dates/meetings. Once or twice, there may be a good explanation, but usually there isn't one especially when it becomes more frequent. And if you don't want to put the effort into coming to see me when we plan, I'm NOT going to stick around waiting for you. I have way better things to do and people to see in my life.

Guys who constantly use their mobiles when you spend time with them also are going to be out of my life very quickly. If I meant that much to you it'd be ME you wanted to speak to, not your friends or, worse, checking Facebook or something.

I couldn't ever be with a guy who smoked. Not that I think they're bad people, the habit just disgusts me THAT much, I don't even have friends who smoke and certainly wouldn't attempt kissing someone who did it. The same goes for drugs or anyone who thinks binge drinking and waking up in their own vomit every weekend is 'cool'.

 

[Davi323]

Smoking. Don't get me wrong, I am not an anti-smoking nazi or anything like that. I believe that as long as it remains a legal product, adults should be allowed to consume it. The idea of your personal right to consume a legal product isn't why. For me, its entirely personal.

This past monday would have been my mom's 63rd birthday. Would have been. She died in 2008 because of a 40 year smoking habit that ended up killing her. She developed COPD (Chronic Obtusive Pulmonary Disease) which many long term smokers do, and complications from that killed her. I am not willing to risk having to go through what happened to my mom with a potential future spouse. Smoking is an absolute deal breaker.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

The one thing I really hate in relationships is change. Change is cool, but when you change your whole aspect of thinking. Like take this for example, going from a relationship that your ex made you do things. Thats not cool in my book, but when it changed you to be a better person. Thats good in my book, but when you bitch about it and change yourself back into a slob, or a bitch. That pisses me off. Example: ex of mine was dating some ritch boy for about 2 years. He made her get haircuts regularly, now se dies her hair black and purple. It looks like shit, does she care? No, i looked great when he had her get it cut and made her go back to her natural color. Now she looks like an idoit.

Another is being clean, i can not stand dirty people. Shit i'll wear jeans like 2 days in a row. Tops, thats it. If i wear them any further it makes me feel filthy. When the person who i'm in a relationship won't change their clothes, or takes a shower and don't use soap. It's just a really big turn off. Like take a 20 minute shower, and come out not using any shampoo or soap. Then the next morning bitching and making excuses on how your hairs still greesy.

Another is talking to or about other dudes, No i'm not saying she can't have male friends. Or go visit male friends without me. But when you come home and talk to your female friends right infront of me on how hot they are, then try to play it off. That pisses me off, its not the fact that your fucking him or anything. Its the fact that your doing it right infront of me. If its like superstars or some shit thats different. Its cool, lol i'd bang a few playboy models and tell them i'd do it to. Will i do it, lol no!

When you change your whole scene, just to try and fit in. I fucking hate that, man i'm poor. I lisiten to metal music, and smoke cigarettes. There we go i'm Alex Aowen. Not a puppet. When you change from like being a prep to trying to be goth. And trying to get me to do it, that pisses me off.

 

[gd]

Smoking is the only bg thing, really. There's this really hot chick I know, but she smokes cigs, so I'd never get with her. The smell, the taste, everything. Can't take it.

Also, being a complete and total crazy bitch. I don't want you to burn my house down or anything. And that's bascially it. I'm not picky at all, I'm a fairly desparate man. All I need is someone who doens't smoke and isn't crazy.