OSCW Nitro Preview!!!

[kingconor]

As, you may have read, Adalam is starting a show called Old School Championsip Wrestling. I am booking this alongside him and although the first show isn't due until Thursday, I'm posting a preview in the form of the first match. Hopefully you will enjoy the taster, and will read the full show when it's ready!!!


OSCW NITRO WORLD PREMIER!!!

Fireworks go off as we are welcomed to the arena by the team of J.R and Jesse Ventura!

J.R: Welcome to the first ever OSCW Nitro, the home of the legends!
Ventura: I’m so excited about tonight’s show J.R, headlined by The Rock vs. Kevin Nash in the World Title Tournament Qualifiers.

Unfamiliar music hits, as CEO Mike Flynn walks to the ring…

Flynn: I am delighted to present to you, Old School Championship Wrestling!! Tonight is a huge night in the world of wrestling, as all the legends of the sport gather to see who really is the greatest. Tonight, we have a dream match between Shawn Michaels (crowd pop) and Hulk Hogan (another big pop)
Tonight two championships will be decided, with an Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal and A Tag Team Title Triple Threat!
Also, tonight sees the start of a tournament to decide the first ever OSCW World Champion. The first qualifier begins, next. Thank you very much, goodnight!

Flynn walks to the back as the show goes to commercials…

…The show resumes with Eddie Guerrero in the ring already…

Whoo!!! Ric Flairs entrance music hits as he comes to the ring to huge crowd reaction.

…The match starts off quickly as Eddie used his speed to gain an advantage. Flair takes control midway into the match and begins to work on Eddie’s legs…

J.R: Flair now, with the stomps to the right knee.
Ventura: Sound tactics from the nature boy, as he prepares for the Figure Four.
J.R: This is an intriguing match between two of the dirtiest players in the game, and Flair is in control…

Flair stomps away on Eddie’s leg, before dropping an elbow on the knee. Cover 1! 2! … Kick Out! Flair picks up Eddie and begins to hit a series of punches and chops. Eddie is whipped into the corner and Flair follows him in with a knee to the midsection. Headlock takedown by Flair, into a cover for 2! Flair goes back to the knee but is kicked off. Eddie gets to his feet with a kick to Flairs ribs. Irish whip, and the Nature Boy is clotheslined. Another clothesline leads to a cover… Flair kicks out at 2! Eddie with a snap suplex, rolls over into another. He rolls over again, hitting the Three Amigos! Now, Eddie goes to the top for the Frog Splash! Flair pushes the ref into the ropes, causing Eddie to fall to the apron.

Ventura: That’s why he’s the dirtiest player in the game J.R!

Flair walks to the ropes in pursuit, but is caught with a forearm. Eddie springboards, leaping at Flair who pulls the ref in front of him. Eddie takes down the ref, and Flair capitalises with a low blow! Now the Nature Boy goes outside to bring in a chair. Eddie struggles to his feet as Flair gets into the ring and prepares to strike. But Eddie is able to get a kick to Flair and rakes the eyes. Flair stumbles back into the ropes. The ref slowly gets to his feet as Flair regains his composure. Flair raises the chair, but Eddie throws himself to the mat theatrically. The groggy ref turns to see Eddie down and Flair with the weapon. He calls for the bell!!!
The winner by DQ at 9 minutes, Eddie Guerrero!!!

Ventura: This is a disgrace. That Guerrero stole the win!
J.R: Eddie has outsmarted the nature boy!!!

As Eddie exits, Flair turns his attention to the ref. Flair bashes the referee with the steel chair, and exits the ring, angrily!!!

…The show goes to an advertising break…

 

[kingconor]

Anyone got any feedback on the firt match/segment?
As I said, the plan is to have the full show up for Thursday. The match card is on a previous thread written by Adalam.

 

[Adalam]

Great job, the flow is pretty good and with the commentary done in bold, it keeps the moves separated from the rest of the text. I just can't wait to see what the whole card looks like.

 

[TSG]

First off, and as much as I don't wanna play mod, if I were (which I probably never will be) mod, this thread would be closed at this post would be moved to the central OSCW thread. There is no reason for this to have it's own thread and in the future, try to keep it all in one thread. Not only is it a rule of the section, it also makes it easier to find everything and you don't have to go through multiple threads for the same show/company.

Now, onto the preview. Pretty good match. Nice ending. But there are a few problems. First, when writing for commentators, hit that little enter button you see on your keyboard twice. It'll make it much easier to read. So it'll be like this:

J.R: Flair now, with the stomps to the right knee.

Ventura: Sound tactics from the nature boy, as he prepares for the Figure Four.

J.R: This is an intriguing match between two of the dirtiest players in the game, and Flair is in control…

instead of this:

J.R: Flair now, with the stomps to the right knee.
Ventura: Sound tactics from the nature boy, as he prepares for the Figure Four.
J.R: This is an intriguing match between two of the dirtiest players in the game, and Flair is in control…

See? Much easier to read. And instead of bold, use colors. Different color for each person. It works very well. So it would look like this:

J.R: Flair now, with the stomps to the right knee.

Ventura: Sound tactics from the nature boy, as he prepares for the Figure Four.

J.R: This is an intriguing match between two of the dirtiest players in the game, and Flair is in control…

instead of this:

J.R: Flair now, with the stomps to the right knee.

Ventura: Sound tactics from the nature boy, as he prepares for the Figure Four.

J.R: This is an intriguing match between two of the dirtiest players in the game, and Flair is in control…

Colors can also be used for entrances too, to denote the music play and who is coming to a ring. That isn't anything big at all, as only a couple people use that, but it helps too.

There is no need to underline commentator's names. That just too many underlines on one page.

That is basically all of the formatting issues you have. Another thing is I notice in the writing you say Flair doesn't take over til' midway through the match. Is that the way you'll be writing everything, or just some matches? I feel that can work if you are in a hurry or if it just isn't an important match, but sometimes writing whole matches with most of the details gives a better feel for the wrestlers and the match.

Other than that good job, for someone just starting out in this section it is good. You have a basic feel for what you want nd how you write your matches, and everything above are just suggestions, constructive criticisms. Good luck with the writing, and I look forward to reading the product.

 

[kingconor]

Thanks for the input. I just wanted to do the matches from the halfway point to keep things moving quickly. I was conscious of having big blocks of text, or matches that lasted for pages and pages. I was hoping to keep things snappy so to speak. Thanks for your input, however and I do hope you enjoy the show in the future. Hopefully I'll find a nice groove for the show and that it'll flow nicely.

However, I do have to credit Adalam, as the show was his original idea and he also came up with the classic Guerrero ending. Maybe in the future he can book a few of the matches the whole way through too and we can develop some interesting storys for the future.