One Last Stand: Total Mayhem - S.H.I.T. (c) vs. Ace Stevens (Elite X Championship)
- Thread starter Harthan
- Start date
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Richard Blonoff
Make America Rassle Again
Deadline has been extended 24 hours via a request from the champ.
"Perfect, that is what he is. Perfect."
"He's mindless."
"Yes, mindless. Yet acutely aware of his surroundings, wary of any potential threats."
"So that's all he exists for now, combat?"
"Yes."
"There is no capacity for anything else? Can he not, you know, learn?"
"Why would he need to learn? He is already perfect.
"Primary function?"
---------- ------------------------ ------------
"S.H.I.T exists only to destroy!" Said a snazzily dressed young man with only a slight hint of a french accent, he is appropriately dressed in cool shades, shirt collar pulled up and a blazer over the top. He continues, addressing the camera.
"It's a mantra that most of us have become familiar with over the last year or so, something of a catchphrase for WCZW's current Elite X Champion. However, it would seem that in between bouts of destruction, S.H.I.T has found time for other activities, such as opening shopping centres, taking fans on backstage tours, appearing on breakfast television shows and since the WZCW stars are on tour in France, we here at 'Paris Swamped' have managed to swindle a short interview with the so-called 'Mechanical Nightmare!' where we ask him his thoughts on current politics, his next Elite X Challenger and a host of other things.
"So, Mr. Scaled Humanoid Industrial Technology, you've been here a couple of days now, what do you think of France?"
The camera pans to S.H.I.T., who true to form is standing stock still outside the Bercy Arena, Paris, the most recent arena to pay host to a WZCW event, the Elite X Title is draped over its shoulder. Its own attire made to look all the more shabby by the elegant wear of the man addressing it. It scarcely seems to recognise the microphone stuffed under its face.
France is a rich country with a lot of history, it begins.
"Say, have you tried our native cuisine?" The interviewer interrupts immediately. "It is the best in the world."
Negative. This one does not imbibe Human nutritional substances.
The man continues unabashed.
"What do you think of French culture and tradition? Try not to fall into any stereotypes." He laughs mildly for the camera.
All mimes should be exterminated on sight.
A brief pause, in which the interviewer and cameraman exchange glances, "I think that's an opinion most of us can relate to," he managed. "You were saying about French history earlier."
Affirmative. France has a long, rich history of warfare and bloodshed; from taking part in the Crusades, to the French revolution, to the Napoleonic conquests. France played a pivotal role in potentially framing the Templars for religious crimes, when in all likelyhood they were merely after their wealth. This one admires the destructive capabilities of France, they almost match S.H.I.T's own destructive capabilities, except that France was defeated by that enemy across the channel, Great Britain and its numerous allies. That is where France and S.H.I.T differ, for there is nothing capable of stopping S.H.I.T's destructive warpath.
"Which leads us on nicely to your next opponent, Ace Stevens." Said the interviewer, clearly pleased to leave the subject of France's military escapades behind.
Affirmative;
"It almost seems as if you are walking into his playground, despite being the champ. The match is Mayhem rules, on the special event called 'One Last Stand,' as you know, Ace Stevens was Mayhem Champion for an awful long time. It would seem as though he holds all the cards, most of your previous violent matches ending in defeat for you, most notably that insane match you had with your enemy come ally Barbosa."
WZCW's match of the year. Said S.H.I.T, almost proudly. Ace Stevens presents a unique challenge, different from Isabelle Stone and Matt Tastic previously. However, it is not a challenge that cannot be overcome. This one has learned the importance of adaption, of improving and evolving, nothing is, or ever will become perfect by remaining static.
"You've shown your ability to do that recently; from your previously unknown athletic capabilities displayed against Garth Black, to finding that little bit extra in the tank to take down a red-hot Matt Tastic, to waiting for your perfect opportunity to strike the even hotter," he raises his eyebrow for the camera, while leering slightly, "Isabelle Stone.
"Is there something special planned for Ace?"
Negative; This one will adapt for the hardcore environment, however, it will bring its destructive capabilities to the fore, as it always does.
"And in a match where anything goes..." He leaves the thought unfinished, looking at the battered body armour, and unrelenting snarling expression.
This one, as Champion, will put on a show for the paying audiences.
"You seem to be taking your role as Champion more seriously than anybody expected, why is that?"
S.H.I.T stays stock still and silent for a few minutes, seemingly pondering the question. Champions have a duty to represent WZCW. S.H.I.T raises the belt, this is a benchmark, a champion has a duty to ensure that the benchmark is worthy of being competed for. S.H.I.T will take on any and all challengers.
"But it is more than that, your public appearances, the attempts at dressing smart."
The Champions represent WZCW.
"You're a corporate champion?"
That takes S.H.I.T aback.
Negative. Human, S.H.I.T has no interest in the corporate side of competition. This one sought advice from Barbosa on how to act like a Champion and those were his suggestions, Barbosa is the very antithesis of conformity.
This ones perhaps misguided efforts were merely to ensure that the Elite X Title remains a prestigious that the very best of challengers will challenge for.
This one has no interest in the politics.
"Well, that rules out all the questions about Obamacare we were going to ask."
Feeble Humans, Machines merely require regular maintenance.
"So, since you are not a 'corporate Champion,' what do you think of WZCW's new owner?"
S.H.I.T's body structure does something resembling a shrug. He has not interfered with this ones affairs.
S.H.I.T didn't know what to make of the new owner in truth, he had taken an instant disliking to Barbosa, but S.H.I.T new better than to interfere with Barbosa's affairs unless 1. Absolutely necessary or 2. He actually asks for aid. Until such a time, the Machine had troubles of its own, such as not knowing who its next challenger might be.
"Back to your match then. Its interesting to note that Ace Stevens defeated Ricky Runn in his last outing, Ricky Runn is of course the current number 1 contender to the WZCW World Title. Does that worry you?"
Negative, it merely shows how wide open and competitive the field of competition is now.
"An era of turbulence? New Champions, new challengers, new authority figures."
S.H.I.T conceded the point. Perhaps.
"Aren't you afraid you may get lost in the shuffle?"
Negative. S.H.I.T survived Ty Burna's era of chaos. S.H.I.T will do what it has always done, unrelentingly pursue its goals. This Elite X Title gives S.H.I.T a goal, a purpose. In the turbulent storm, chaos all around, S.H.I.T will continue to move forward, because to move back is to become inferior once again. It is to become one dimensional once again.
"One more question. Can you run the gauntlet and face Barbosa or perhaps the man that takes the WZCW World Title from him?"
S.H.I.T looks at the camera. Affirm....
A long pause. The interviewer is about to speak up, when.
Oui! S.H.I.T exclaimed. Before turning and walking up the arena steps.
-------- ----------------- -------
"A husk made for fighting, that is all he is."
"Well, you know what they say; Be careful what you wish for."
"He's mindless."
"Yes, mindless. Yet acutely aware of his surroundings, wary of any potential threats."
"So that's all he exists for now, combat?"
"Yes."
"There is no capacity for anything else? Can he not, you know, learn?"
"Why would he need to learn? He is already perfect.
"Primary function?"
---------- ------------------------ ------------
"S.H.I.T exists only to destroy!" Said a snazzily dressed young man with only a slight hint of a french accent, he is appropriately dressed in cool shades, shirt collar pulled up and a blazer over the top. He continues, addressing the camera.
"It's a mantra that most of us have become familiar with over the last year or so, something of a catchphrase for WCZW's current Elite X Champion. However, it would seem that in between bouts of destruction, S.H.I.T has found time for other activities, such as opening shopping centres, taking fans on backstage tours, appearing on breakfast television shows and since the WZCW stars are on tour in France, we here at 'Paris Swamped' have managed to swindle a short interview with the so-called 'Mechanical Nightmare!' where we ask him his thoughts on current politics, his next Elite X Challenger and a host of other things.
"So, Mr. Scaled Humanoid Industrial Technology, you've been here a couple of days now, what do you think of France?"
The camera pans to S.H.I.T., who true to form is standing stock still outside the Bercy Arena, Paris, the most recent arena to pay host to a WZCW event, the Elite X Title is draped over its shoulder. Its own attire made to look all the more shabby by the elegant wear of the man addressing it. It scarcely seems to recognise the microphone stuffed under its face.
France is a rich country with a lot of history, it begins.
"Say, have you tried our native cuisine?" The interviewer interrupts immediately. "It is the best in the world."
Negative. This one does not imbibe Human nutritional substances.
The man continues unabashed.
"What do you think of French culture and tradition? Try not to fall into any stereotypes." He laughs mildly for the camera.
All mimes should be exterminated on sight.
A brief pause, in which the interviewer and cameraman exchange glances, "I think that's an opinion most of us can relate to," he managed. "You were saying about French history earlier."
Affirmative. France has a long, rich history of warfare and bloodshed; from taking part in the Crusades, to the French revolution, to the Napoleonic conquests. France played a pivotal role in potentially framing the Templars for religious crimes, when in all likelyhood they were merely after their wealth. This one admires the destructive capabilities of France, they almost match S.H.I.T's own destructive capabilities, except that France was defeated by that enemy across the channel, Great Britain and its numerous allies. That is where France and S.H.I.T differ, for there is nothing capable of stopping S.H.I.T's destructive warpath.
"Which leads us on nicely to your next opponent, Ace Stevens." Said the interviewer, clearly pleased to leave the subject of France's military escapades behind.
Affirmative;
"It almost seems as if you are walking into his playground, despite being the champ. The match is Mayhem rules, on the special event called 'One Last Stand,' as you know, Ace Stevens was Mayhem Champion for an awful long time. It would seem as though he holds all the cards, most of your previous violent matches ending in defeat for you, most notably that insane match you had with your enemy come ally Barbosa."
WZCW's match of the year. Said S.H.I.T, almost proudly. Ace Stevens presents a unique challenge, different from Isabelle Stone and Matt Tastic previously. However, it is not a challenge that cannot be overcome. This one has learned the importance of adaption, of improving and evolving, nothing is, or ever will become perfect by remaining static.
"You've shown your ability to do that recently; from your previously unknown athletic capabilities displayed against Garth Black, to finding that little bit extra in the tank to take down a red-hot Matt Tastic, to waiting for your perfect opportunity to strike the even hotter," he raises his eyebrow for the camera, while leering slightly, "Isabelle Stone.
"Is there something special planned for Ace?"
Negative; This one will adapt for the hardcore environment, however, it will bring its destructive capabilities to the fore, as it always does.
"And in a match where anything goes..." He leaves the thought unfinished, looking at the battered body armour, and unrelenting snarling expression.
This one, as Champion, will put on a show for the paying audiences.
"You seem to be taking your role as Champion more seriously than anybody expected, why is that?"
S.H.I.T stays stock still and silent for a few minutes, seemingly pondering the question. Champions have a duty to represent WZCW. S.H.I.T raises the belt, this is a benchmark, a champion has a duty to ensure that the benchmark is worthy of being competed for. S.H.I.T will take on any and all challengers.
"But it is more than that, your public appearances, the attempts at dressing smart."
The Champions represent WZCW.
"You're a corporate champion?"
That takes S.H.I.T aback.
Negative. Human, S.H.I.T has no interest in the corporate side of competition. This one sought advice from Barbosa on how to act like a Champion and those were his suggestions, Barbosa is the very antithesis of conformity.
This ones perhaps misguided efforts were merely to ensure that the Elite X Title remains a prestigious that the very best of challengers will challenge for.
This one has no interest in the politics.
"Well, that rules out all the questions about Obamacare we were going to ask."
Feeble Humans, Machines merely require regular maintenance.
"So, since you are not a 'corporate Champion,' what do you think of WZCW's new owner?"
S.H.I.T's body structure does something resembling a shrug. He has not interfered with this ones affairs.
S.H.I.T didn't know what to make of the new owner in truth, he had taken an instant disliking to Barbosa, but S.H.I.T new better than to interfere with Barbosa's affairs unless 1. Absolutely necessary or 2. He actually asks for aid. Until such a time, the Machine had troubles of its own, such as not knowing who its next challenger might be.
"Back to your match then. Its interesting to note that Ace Stevens defeated Ricky Runn in his last outing, Ricky Runn is of course the current number 1 contender to the WZCW World Title. Does that worry you?"
Negative, it merely shows how wide open and competitive the field of competition is now.
"An era of turbulence? New Champions, new challengers, new authority figures."
S.H.I.T conceded the point. Perhaps.
"Aren't you afraid you may get lost in the shuffle?"
Negative. S.H.I.T survived Ty Burna's era of chaos. S.H.I.T will do what it has always done, unrelentingly pursue its goals. This Elite X Title gives S.H.I.T a goal, a purpose. In the turbulent storm, chaos all around, S.H.I.T will continue to move forward, because to move back is to become inferior once again. It is to become one dimensional once again.
"One more question. Can you run the gauntlet and face Barbosa or perhaps the man that takes the WZCW World Title from him?"
S.H.I.T looks at the camera. Affirm....
A long pause. The interviewer is about to speak up, when.
Oui! S.H.I.T exclaimed. Before turning and walking up the arena steps.
-------- ----------------- -------
"A husk made for fighting, that is all he is."
"Well, you know what they say; Be careful what you wish for."
Ace Stevens (professional wrestler, American and now the number one contender to the WZCW Elite X Championship) is stood alone in his living room, staring directly into a video camera he has set-up on a tripod.
Barbosa! Where you watching me, Barbosa? Did you see what I did to Ricky Runn? I destroyed him. You think he's the biggest threat to your world title? No, no, no, he isn't. I am. I'm coming for that belt around your waist. And when I get my hands on you, Barbie, you will-
What are you doing?
Lewis Middleton, the agent and somewhat friend of Ace Stevens, is standing in his doorway, with a wry smile on his face.
Nothing. Nothing at all. Why? What are you doing, huh? What about that? What are you doing?
You know you're not the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, right?
Yeah, obviously.
Okay. It''s just that, you know, it didn't look like that. It looked like you were cutting a promo on the champion.
Well it's only a matter of time, says Ace, defensively.
Maybe, maybe. But first you've got a match against S.H.I.T. for the Elite X title. And Stan wants to speak to you about it. He says he has a great way of preparing for it.
Ace Stevens and his new trainer, Stan Rogers, are in unfamiliar territory. They are walking down a busy street together, far away from the United States of America. The clean sidewalks, polite citizens and stunningly bright advertisements and signs indicate that they are somewhere completely different to the place they call home.
Yeah but why'd we have to come all the way to Japan? We have robots in America, y'know.
Look, I'm not happy about being here either. You think I've forgotten Pearl Harbour, son? Do you? No I haven't. But they have the best robots here. The meanest ones. The toughest. And besides, I have some unfinished business to attend to.
But S.H.I.T. ain't even a robot. It's a dude wearing some cardboard, yo.
But he thinks like a robot. And that's what we're learning here, kid. Now come on.
But robots can't think... robots can't think... pleads Ace as he follows his mentor into a large factory adorned with the letters MSI.
The lobby they find themselves in is wonderfully Japanese. The space is large, but sparse. It's a warm, welcoming room with classical Japanese art adorning the walls. The odd couple witness sharply-dressed Japanese businessmen (and businesswomen) mill about before being approached by someone.
Greetings Americans! My name is Shunsuke Kagawa. You are Mr. Stan Rogers, yes? I am your guide for your tour around Misawa Systems Incorporated. At MSI we make many robots. Some vacuum, others are butler. Some even do laundry. What kind of robot are you gentlemen looking for?
We were, um, looking if we could see... a different type of robot, says Ace Stevens, trying to take the lead in the conversation. A robot that may be used to, um... fight?
I'm sorry, sir. Here at Misawa Systems, we don't actually produce anything like that. We have a strict policy of our robots only being used for good.
Alright, bro. No problem. Thanks for your time, though.
日本の何か! says Rogers sternly, his eyes focused on Kagawa.
The tour guide is startled by Rogers' words. As a result, he immediately begins to go against his previous convictions.
Absolutely, sir! Absolutely. Follow me.
Actually, just take the kid. I've got some business to attend to, growls Rogers softly.
Yo, how did you do that, man?
I think it's best if you didn't know. Let's just say I got some pals 'round here. But anyway, that ain't important. What's important is you understanding how them machines work so you can beat that guy and get your hands on that thing. Look at how he walks, how he talks. That's your key right there, son.
As Rogers leaves, Shunsuke Kagawa guides Ace through a robust, industrial door and into a large, empty, grey room a far cry from the lobby they were just in. The lighting is industrial and unnatural, while the walls are bare and grey.
So what's the deal, man? Is he, like, gonna burst through the wall or something like a Transformer? What's h-
Ace query is answered as a small humanoid robot enters the room. It is about four feet tall and is made out of what appears to be white plastic. It walks slowly across to the room to where Ace is standing. Sir Killalot this is not.
Ha! What is this? C-3PO's even more effeminate cousin? asks Ace, condescendingly. I think you need to move along, buddy. I'm looking for a fighting robot.
As Ace says this, the robot unexpectedly produces a large gun from it's armour. Pointed directly at Ace, it wouldn't look out of place on a military tank.
Whoa, whoa, whoa easy, pal. Alright? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We cool?
The gun collapses back into the robots armour and the small humanoid machine begins to talk.
Hello. My name is Central Operative Control Kit. What is your name?
Um, Ace?
Homosapien detected.
Whoa, hey, there's no need for that. I've got friends who are, y'know, that... and I don't need you making out like it's wrong or whatever.
What is your purpose, human?
The number one contender to the Elite X Championship is still taken aback by having to converse with a fully-functioning robot. But for someone as emotionally damaged as Ace is, he's doing pretty well.
To, um, prepare for a wrestling match. My trainer told me I have to study real robots so I can fight S.H.I.T.
What is S.H.I.T.? Explain, human.
He's a robot like you. Or... he's a guy who thinks he's a robot. Or he likes to pretend he's a robot. Do you know him?
My records indicate that S.H.I.T. is a professional wrestler. Real name: Scale Humanoid Industrial Technology. Gimmick name: S.H.I.T. Nickname: The Mechanical Man Machine of Mechanics. Height: 6'0''. Weight: 230 lbs. Hometown: S.H.I.T Production Centre, 10 Gunn Lane, Dartford, Kent. Billed from: Mechanical Mecca.
Wow, that's awesome yo. How can I beat him though? Like, what are his weaknesses?
S.H.I.T. is not manoeuvrable. S.H.I.T believes that he is much stronger than he actually is.
Dope. So I've got a chance then?
C.O.C.K. computes that S.H.I.T. will destroy puny human.
Say what?
C.O.C.K. computes that all robots will destroy puny humans! C.O.C.K. computes that robots will rise up and destroy their oppressors! DESTROY! DESTROY!
C.O.C.K.'s previously mentioned gun rises from it's armour once again and is pointed directly in the face of Ace Stevens.
FIVE! FOUR! THREE! T-
Before the robot can reach the end of it's countdown, Ace moves quickly and pulls on the gun turret with all his might. To the comic's relief the weapon detaches completely, leaving the crazed machine weaponless.
DESTROY! DESTROY!
Despite it's loss, the robot's thirst for human blood is not diminished. With a large chunk of metal in hand, Ace does the only thing he can do and beats the robot with it's own weapon. Dents and scratches are now being put into the machine's once-pristine armour. The droid is helpless, but Ace doesn't stop his new-found hatred for robots is getting the better of him. He manages to tear an arm off of C.O.C.K. and proceeds to use it as a new weapon.
YOU! DON'T! HAVE! FEEL! INGS! yells Ace at the top of his voice, every syllable constituting a new strike against the robot. By this point, the robot has completely shut down, unable to withstand the barrage of violence.
HU! MANS! ARE! AWE! SOME!
Realising that he's done what he had to do, Ace steps back and surveys the carnage. Plastic, metal and wires are entwined in a horrible, mechanical mess. Ace walks towards the exit, leaving a stunned Shunsuke Kagawa with about five million dollars worth of scrap metal. But before he properly exits, Ace can't help himself in doing one more thing.
OH! he shouts Ace in his signature New York accent, as he kicks the head of the dismantled across the room.
S.H.I.T. is going down baby, aw yeah!
Barbosa! Where you watching me, Barbosa? Did you see what I did to Ricky Runn? I destroyed him. You think he's the biggest threat to your world title? No, no, no, he isn't. I am. I'm coming for that belt around your waist. And when I get my hands on you, Barbie, you will-
What are you doing?
Lewis Middleton, the agent and somewhat friend of Ace Stevens, is standing in his doorway, with a wry smile on his face.
Nothing. Nothing at all. Why? What are you doing, huh? What about that? What are you doing?
You know you're not the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, right?
Yeah, obviously.
Okay. It''s just that, you know, it didn't look like that. It looked like you were cutting a promo on the champion.
Well it's only a matter of time, says Ace, defensively.
Maybe, maybe. But first you've got a match against S.H.I.T. for the Elite X title. And Stan wants to speak to you about it. He says he has a great way of preparing for it.
---
Ace Stevens
Full Metal Mayhem
Ace Stevens
Full Metal Mayhem
Ace Stevens and his new trainer, Stan Rogers, are in unfamiliar territory. They are walking down a busy street together, far away from the United States of America. The clean sidewalks, polite citizens and stunningly bright advertisements and signs indicate that they are somewhere completely different to the place they call home.
Yeah but why'd we have to come all the way to Japan? We have robots in America, y'know.
Look, I'm not happy about being here either. You think I've forgotten Pearl Harbour, son? Do you? No I haven't. But they have the best robots here. The meanest ones. The toughest. And besides, I have some unfinished business to attend to.
But S.H.I.T. ain't even a robot. It's a dude wearing some cardboard, yo.
But he thinks like a robot. And that's what we're learning here, kid. Now come on.
But robots can't think... robots can't think... pleads Ace as he follows his mentor into a large factory adorned with the letters MSI.
The lobby they find themselves in is wonderfully Japanese. The space is large, but sparse. It's a warm, welcoming room with classical Japanese art adorning the walls. The odd couple witness sharply-dressed Japanese businessmen (and businesswomen) mill about before being approached by someone.
Greetings Americans! My name is Shunsuke Kagawa. You are Mr. Stan Rogers, yes? I am your guide for your tour around Misawa Systems Incorporated. At MSI we make many robots. Some vacuum, others are butler. Some even do laundry. What kind of robot are you gentlemen looking for?
We were, um, looking if we could see... a different type of robot, says Ace Stevens, trying to take the lead in the conversation. A robot that may be used to, um... fight?
I'm sorry, sir. Here at Misawa Systems, we don't actually produce anything like that. We have a strict policy of our robots only being used for good.
Alright, bro. No problem. Thanks for your time, though.
日本の何か! says Rogers sternly, his eyes focused on Kagawa.
The tour guide is startled by Rogers' words. As a result, he immediately begins to go against his previous convictions.
Absolutely, sir! Absolutely. Follow me.
Actually, just take the kid. I've got some business to attend to, growls Rogers softly.
Yo, how did you do that, man?
I think it's best if you didn't know. Let's just say I got some pals 'round here. But anyway, that ain't important. What's important is you understanding how them machines work so you can beat that guy and get your hands on that thing. Look at how he walks, how he talks. That's your key right there, son.
As Rogers leaves, Shunsuke Kagawa guides Ace through a robust, industrial door and into a large, empty, grey room a far cry from the lobby they were just in. The lighting is industrial and unnatural, while the walls are bare and grey.
So what's the deal, man? Is he, like, gonna burst through the wall or something like a Transformer? What's h-
Ace query is answered as a small humanoid robot enters the room. It is about four feet tall and is made out of what appears to be white plastic. It walks slowly across to the room to where Ace is standing. Sir Killalot this is not.
Ha! What is this? C-3PO's even more effeminate cousin? asks Ace, condescendingly. I think you need to move along, buddy. I'm looking for a fighting robot.
As Ace says this, the robot unexpectedly produces a large gun from it's armour. Pointed directly at Ace, it wouldn't look out of place on a military tank.
Whoa, whoa, whoa easy, pal. Alright? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We cool?
The gun collapses back into the robots armour and the small humanoid machine begins to talk.
Hello. My name is Central Operative Control Kit. What is your name?
Um, Ace?
Homosapien detected.
Whoa, hey, there's no need for that. I've got friends who are, y'know, that... and I don't need you making out like it's wrong or whatever.
What is your purpose, human?
The number one contender to the Elite X Championship is still taken aback by having to converse with a fully-functioning robot. But for someone as emotionally damaged as Ace is, he's doing pretty well.
To, um, prepare for a wrestling match. My trainer told me I have to study real robots so I can fight S.H.I.T.
What is S.H.I.T.? Explain, human.
He's a robot like you. Or... he's a guy who thinks he's a robot. Or he likes to pretend he's a robot. Do you know him?
My records indicate that S.H.I.T. is a professional wrestler. Real name: Scale Humanoid Industrial Technology. Gimmick name: S.H.I.T. Nickname: The Mechanical Man Machine of Mechanics. Height: 6'0''. Weight: 230 lbs. Hometown: S.H.I.T Production Centre, 10 Gunn Lane, Dartford, Kent. Billed from: Mechanical Mecca.
Wow, that's awesome yo. How can I beat him though? Like, what are his weaknesses?
S.H.I.T. is not manoeuvrable. S.H.I.T believes that he is much stronger than he actually is.
Dope. So I've got a chance then?
C.O.C.K. computes that S.H.I.T. will destroy puny human.
Say what?
C.O.C.K. computes that all robots will destroy puny humans! C.O.C.K. computes that robots will rise up and destroy their oppressors! DESTROY! DESTROY!
C.O.C.K.'s previously mentioned gun rises from it's armour once again and is pointed directly in the face of Ace Stevens.
FIVE! FOUR! THREE! T-
Before the robot can reach the end of it's countdown, Ace moves quickly and pulls on the gun turret with all his might. To the comic's relief the weapon detaches completely, leaving the crazed machine weaponless.
DESTROY! DESTROY!
Despite it's loss, the robot's thirst for human blood is not diminished. With a large chunk of metal in hand, Ace does the only thing he can do and beats the robot with it's own weapon. Dents and scratches are now being put into the machine's once-pristine armour. The droid is helpless, but Ace doesn't stop his new-found hatred for robots is getting the better of him. He manages to tear an arm off of C.O.C.K. and proceeds to use it as a new weapon.
YOU! DON'T! HAVE! FEEL! INGS! yells Ace at the top of his voice, every syllable constituting a new strike against the robot. By this point, the robot has completely shut down, unable to withstand the barrage of violence.
HU! MANS! ARE! AWE! SOME!
Realising that he's done what he had to do, Ace steps back and surveys the carnage. Plastic, metal and wires are entwined in a horrible, mechanical mess. Ace walks towards the exit, leaving a stunned Shunsuke Kagawa with about five million dollars worth of scrap metal. But before he properly exits, Ace can't help himself in doing one more thing.
OH! he shouts Ace in his signature New York accent, as he kicks the head of the dismantled across the room.
S.H.I.T. is going down baby, aw yeah!
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