Metldown 112: Daddy Mack & Bruce Irwin vs. Cerberus

[Richard Blonoff]

The Eurasian champion Daddy Mack lost his match on Meltdown 111 due to the interference from the Third Head of Cerberus and this week on Meltdown 112, he looks to team up with the resident Australian Bruce Irwin to take on the other two heads of Cerberus, Flex Mussel & Ramparte. The former tag team champions have made it known their intentions are to go after the titles again, making it personal with the champs. After an unsuccessful venture on Ascension 86, Cerberus will be looking to use this match as a way to kick-start their momentum back up. In a similar vain, Irwin is looking to find the spark that sky-rockets his career with Mack wanting to keep his winning record on track.

Will Cerberus continue their wolfpack mentality and dissect Mack & Irwn or will the unfamiliar team be able to showcase excellent tag team strategy?

Deadline is Wednesday, December 17th, at 11:59PM, CST. Deadlines available upon request.

 

[Tastycles]

Daddy Mack is barbecuing in front of a very unconvincing background consisting of the Melbourne Cricket Ground, Uluru and Sydney Opera house. He is wearing a hat with corks on and drinking a can of Castlemaine XXXX lager. He breaks away from the barbecuing to look to the camera.

Daddy Mack: Hello, I am WZCW superstar Daddy Mack and you may remember me from such educational films as "How to avoid pain in Spain", and "Give France a Chance". Today's educational video is entitled "Don't be a failure, know about Australia", and I'm here to tell you all about the land down under.

As Mack talks, the water vapour in his cold breath is clear to see.

Daddy Mack: Now you see, when most people think of Australia, they think of a country that full of the descendants of convicts and kangaroos, but this view is simplistic - they also have koalas.

Australia is known for having its summer in winter and its winter in summer. As you can see, we are right in the peak of summer now, and that is why we've made ourselves a barbecue.

As Mack says this sentence, a bird lands on a branch above him, forcing a load of snow to fall onto the barbecue.

Daddy Mack: Now you see, Australians love to barbecue, and none moreso than my tag team partner, Mr. Bruce Irwin. Bruce, like ol' Daddy Mack himself, is a seasoned fighter, as you have to be in this fine land. On Meltdown next week we're gonna be putting two more shrimp on the barby together, that's for sure.

The first shrimp, Flex Mussel is much like our friend the Tiger Prawn here. Though big in size, he's fundamentally spineless, and there's nothing he can do to take us down.

On the other hand we have Ramparte, who is like our friend the King Prawn here. He may have the run of the sea bed, but when the big fish come to town, he starts to struggle.

You see, Cerberus are two heads of the same dog, but they are all bark and no bite, and this week they're gonna see what happens when the dingo and the old dog enter the fray.

And you can say that Eve will get involved, and that might well happen, but as sure as there are...

He checks the flag behind him, which is blowing in a blustery wind.

Daddy Mack: ...6 stars on the Australian flag, we are ready for her and ready for them. And when all is said and done, and the fat lady is playing the didgeridoo, Irwin and Mack will be the victors all for the name of Australia.

You see, when Eve distracted me last week, it set off a chain of events that cannot be stopped. You see, Daddy Mack doesn't get mad, he gets even, and when I've finished embarrassing her cronies with the help of my buddy Bruce, I'm coming for you Eve as sure as the capital of Australia is...

He checks a fact book, his hands visibly shivering.

Daddy Mack: ...Canberra. So what you gonna do, Cerberus when Australia, Bruce Irwin and the Mack Pack all Attack.

He stares intensely at the camera as his backdrop falls to the ground, revealing a snow swept scene and a sign that says "Welcome to Idaho, The Gem State"

 

[Lee]

Bruce: I'd heard legends of that man, but I'd never seen him.

Crocodile Bruce Irwin is shown wearing a suit and glasses. He looks like a history professor, probably because he's about to give us a history lesson.

Bruce: Cerberus. The image may strike up a big thing with lots of heads, but that mates is the Hydra. Bring it in a bit and see the three heads. Less scary, right?

Bruce adjusts his glasses.

Bruce: Hercules fought him during his twelth trial and you know, he won. Of course he won, he put the glad in gladiator. That bloke was big and strong and heroic, what other outcome was there?

Irwin chuckles.

Bruce: How will Cerberus cope if they were against a hero and a strong guy? You need to look a bit further into it. What is Cerberus? Cerberus is nothing but a dingo, a dirty dog. Mate. Which country would be wild enough to have a three headed dog?

Irwin smiles again.

Bruce: Australia, mate. The land of Oz. Down under. The land where beasts roam. Crocodiles, spiders, dragons, griffins, Big foot and even a T-Rex! You know what isn't in Australia? Cerberus. Why? Scared, mate.

He takes the glasses off and throws them to the floor.

Bruce: The story of Cerberus is that he couldn't cope against a strong man hero. So you want a strong man? You've got one.

He takes his suit jacket and shirt off showing his imposing physique.

Bruce: You want a hero? You've got one.

The camera zooms out to reveal Daddy Mack also stood there.

Bruce: The Mack attack has my back Jack. I've waited my life to team up with him and this week Cerberus...you'll be shown for the dog that you are. Crikey!

 

[Spidey Revivey]

The pendulum swayed and the clock spoke of the midnight hour. A homely fire kept the library festively lit as snow came down in a December flurry. The flames made Ramparte's shadow dance upon a wall rimming with books. The shelf was packed with classic works and ancient tomes, save one vacant spot. The Catalyst sat flipping through it's pages in deep meditation.

Ramparte: Tic Toc...Tic Toc...

Once the clock ceased its sermon, there was a knock on the door. He looked up from his book and acknowledged his butler. Morley entered with a small smile on his elderly face.

Morley: Master Ramparte, your friend is here. Mr. Mussél would like to speak to you.

The Catalyst turned back to his reading.

Ramparte: Do you like Daddy Mack, Morley?

Morley: I...I don't really keep up with the gentleman, sir.

Ramparte: I think you do. Bet it fills your heart with glee to see an old man rise above youth. That's what is wrong with old people - this desire to keep with tradition and never change, knowing damn well without change there is no future. I cannot blame you for seeing your years tick by and feel some kind of jealousy for somebody like me. I'm sure you root for Daddy Mack. If I was some crippled has-been only a heartbeat away from death, I would too.

The smile vanished as if it was never there. His butler eyed him for a long time in a shocked rage.

Morley: I w-will go get your tag team partner. Sir.

Ramparte buried his head in the book, sniffing the aroma only acquired by the passing of time. His thin lips cracked into a wolfish grin as he thought about ripping it's very pages in front of a live audience. So many people pissed off over the simple act of tearing up books they would never read. It filled The Catalyst with merciless glee to know each work he rips apart is a First Edition copy. He giggled to himself.

Flex: Getting a little too cozy with your book there, eh Ram? Should I come back at another time?

The Catalyst closed the story carefully and showed the jock it's cover.

Ramparte: Ever read this, Mr. Mussél?

Flex: No, but I've watched the Disney movie.

The avid reader rolled his eyes at the word Disney and stood up. He walked over to the fire and prodded it with a poker. Flex eyed him suspiciously.

Ramparte: Daddy Mack & Bruce Irwin are just one more little mixed bag of trouble the WZCW higher ups have thrown against us. They know we do not do well against odd pairings. It's like they have it out for us. And one is the Eurasian Champion of all things now. But I believe I know their weakness.

I believe these two are really just Peter Pan characters.

Flex is taken aback.

Flex: Peter Pan? Jesus Christ, Ramparte. I've dealt with you and angels, devils, and even cosplayers at one point, but you cannot be serious about this. I can't even deal.

Ramparte: Think about it. Peter Pan is a boy who wouldn't grow up. Daddy Mack is a man who won't grow up. His time has very well passed, but he continues to be a nuisance to the young blood like ourselves. And the fans just keep feeding into his hype. They're like the Lost Boys.

All they need is the cold sharp "Hook" of reality to bring them back to the present. To us.

Flex: You may be taking your love for reading a little too seriously now, but I'll be a friend and play devil's advocate. If Daddy Mack is Peter Pan, than who would the Aussie be?

The literary devil grabbed the Peter and Wendy book off of his desk and turned the pages. When he came upon a picture, he showed it to the Monsieur of Muscle. The image was a crocodile.

Ramparte: Some call him Tic Toc Croc. The natives of Neverland call him Mr. Grin. Whatever name is used, "Crocodile" Bruce Irwin is the monster of the deep who had a taste of something special and keeps coming back for more. An upstanding rookie who continues to be a menace. But just like ol' Tic Toc, he is not even the antagonist of the story. He's just a stereotypical boogeyman to our Captain Hook. And just like Tic Toc Croc, you can hear him coming. That's not very threatening when you're a creature of legend like Cerberus.

The athlete thought it over and shrugged. He sat down at Ramparte's writing desk and muttered, trying to change the subject.

Flex: They'll think we are broken, you and I. Just like other tag teams broke apart once they lost the titles. Magnitudinis, Los Magnificos Dragones, Young Justice...there are rumors.

Even after what we did to James King, gossip is persistent. And with Eve Taylor helping Constantine, an Elite Member of all people, I just don't think we'll all be together come Redemption.

Ramparte set his copy of Peter and Wendy back onto the shelf; his back turned to his partner.

Ramparte: You were always the optimist between us. It seems we both have changed due to Kingdom Come. But you want to know what hasn't? Our hunger.

Our story isn't finished yet. This is only the second chapter. Daddy Mack & Bruce Irwin might show little comparisons to Peter Pan and the crocodile, but Cerberus holds every strength those characters had. We are that Croc that had the taste of the tag team championships and now want some more. We are the icons of youth, you and I. Two Peter Pans. We are the Lost Boys, Flex, and our Tinkerbell is the Third Head of Cerberus herself, Eve Taylor. Every scrap of literature flows through our veins. We are a part of something bigger.

From outside, a cloaked woman strode through the ice and snow on her way to Ramparte's mansion. To the observant, her feet never touched the ground. Closer and closer she glided towards the tag team's location. Her pale skin almost making her transparent.

Ramparte: This is the chapter of redemption. We shall become the 3rd tag team to win the belts back. You'll see. They all shall see. There is nothing that can stop us.

Just as The Catalyst stopped speaking, the window shattered; cold winds killing the fire. Flex jumped up and ran to see what caused it. When he glanced at the window, he went milk white.

Flex: Ram..you're going to want to see this.

The bookworm stroked his black hair with a trembling hand. Unsure of what to make of it, he strode over and placed his hands against the glass, peering out into the ebony abyss.

Ramparte: We Will Be Reborn...what could possibly...

Nevermind. This is some ploy from the old man and the Australian. Or maybe it's Hard Metal Penetration trying to gain vengeance from what we did to James King. Either way, it's a distraction and time is of the essence now. Soon the sun will be upon us, and with it the evening. Let us use this time wisely. Let us get ready for the future.

The Catalyst kept his eyes glued to the window, ignoring everything else around him.

Ramparte: Tic Toc...Tic Toc...

He gingerly pressed harder against the windowpane. Without thinking, his tongue flicked out like a crack of the whip; aggressively tasting his own reflection. He crudely drew a heart around the enigmatic words. Satisfied, Ramparte's gaze fell on the pale apocalypse outside.

 

[FlexAmerican Dynamite]

It was a quiet day in the Flex Fitness gym. There was no pumping of iron, no sounds of treadmills and punching bags, not even the twenty four hour Flex Mussel motivational tapes could be heard. In fact the doors of the fitness conglomerate have been closed since Kingdom Come. Not a single Mussel owned gym has been operational in weeks due to a mandate by the monsieur of muscle himself. Trainers complained, investors were outraged, and overweight clients clawed away at the windows to get his attention but the first head of Cerberus paid them no mind has he laid on the floor of his fitness dojo in one of the many gym locations only joined by the company of the clear plastic mask known as Masquer.

Masquer : Feeling a bit empty are we?

Flex: I feel like I’ve lost something that may not be possible to regain.

Masquer: The tag team titles?

Flex: No, it’s not a possession that I can hold in my hand but rather a feeling that I once knew.

Masuqer: Is it your hunger?

Flex: That’s just it….I feel no hunger. At least I haven’t the last few weeks. No motivation to sneak out in the night and pick up a burger or down some chocolate waffles for breakfast either.

Masquer: Then progress is finally beginning to be made.

Flex: Quite the opposite my friend. While I have no desire to eat I also have no motivation to get ripped. I have no motivation to even help and watch others get ripped. It’s why the gyms have been shut down.

Masquer: Has the loss at Kingdom Come really left your ego so bruised that you cut off one of your main sources of income and joy?

Flex: But what if that is no longer my only joy?

Masquer: Then what is?

Flex: Friendship, comradery, brotherhood…

Masquer: If you are referring to the three headed distraction known as Cerberus I’m pretty sure both you and Ramparte are both intact.

Flex: But we’re not. Something changed that night, something snapped inside both of us and now things are different….much different. I mean it’s not the fact that we lost, we’ve suffered losses before, it was the way we lost. Ram’s face destroyed thanks to that mechanical monster and that psychotic freak, with me not being able to save him. Not like I even had a chance to with the referee immediately calling for the bell. Everything we worked so hard for was taken away in an instant. In mere seconds the roller coaster ride of happiness was over. I go to take a much needed vacation to rest up and come back to see Ram has practically rearranged his face to fit some new even creepier persona and Eve his plotting with a member of the Elite. The two people I trust the most might be fading away right before my eyes….just like my parents.

Masquer: I told you this was a distraction.

Flex: No it wasn’t! A lot of people see me as the positive force behind Cerberus because of my passionate determination alone but it was the Catalyst that kept me motivated the entire time. The fact that I was helping a mentally scarred person such as Ram made me feel like I was truly helping someone but seeing what he’s becoming now, seeing his mind lost in every brooding word of his literature, it all leaves me wondering if Cerberus is on a retirement tour.

Masquer: Much like Daddy Mack you two do seem like you may be fading into irrelevancy.

Flex: The Eurasian champion will hopefully be the key to putting everything back into place. Eve setting her sights on his championship will hopefully be motivation enough for Ram and I to be on the same page and soften Mack up immensely for her.

At that moment the second head of Cerberus Ramparte can be seen entering the gym for a backdoor entrance unknown to the overweight clients still scratching and banging on the doors looking to get in.

Ramparte: A lot of “hungry” customers outside. How have your doors managed to not burst at the sheer combination of their weight?

Flex: I had everything reinforced. I call it Flexiglass.

The small moment of playfulness and humor is enough to momentarily take their minds of their concerns but it doesn’t last long as the former tag team champions awkwardly begin to tiptoe around their problems.

Ramparte: So we haven’t talked since you left my mansion a few days ago. I was becoming a bit worried so I decided to come looking for you.

Flex: Things have just been strange since Kingdom Come, you seemed a bit different at the mansion, I’m not sure I like it.

Ramparte: Is it my face? Is it because of what they did to my face?! Because that’s not my fault!

Flex: Relax, I know the injustice that was dealt upon you that night and what we did to James King is only a fraction of how we’ll pay Hard Metal Penetration back for it. For now let’s just try to make the best of a bad situation and deal with Mack and Irwin.

Ramparte: That sounds so insincere.

Flex: What are you talking about?

Ramparte: Your words, there as insincere as the nonsense spouted by Bruce Irwin. Things obviously haven’t been the same since Kingdom Come. Maybe you blame me, maybe you blame yourself, I don’t know. What I do know however is that it’s time for a change.

Flex: I don’t need a “makeover”.

Ramparte: Well you definitely need some re-energizing. The Flex I know doesn’t give up, yet you’ve refused to help any of the gluten filled customers causing chaos outside your door. The Flex I know isn’t afraid to speak his mind, yet here you are afraid to tell me how you truly feel. It’s a peculiar day when I become the positive motivator of this team and I don’t intend to keep it that way. So do you intend to walk into Meltdown and prove everyone wrong once more or are you going to give up?

The fitness trainer can tell by the look in his tag team partner’s eyes that this is as serious as he’s been in quite some time. Ramparte extends a hand almost as an olive branch to try to mend their damaged friendship.

Flex: Flex Mussel doesn’t fucking quit.

Ramparte and Mussel shake hands as for now their differences have seemingly been put aside.

Flex: On Meltdown we’ll show Daddy Mack and Bruce Irwin just how dangerous Cerberus can be when people think we’re at our lowest. Those tag team titles will soon be ours once again.

The monsieur of muscle turns his attention back to his clients still clamoring for his attention outside.

Flex: Let the fatties in, it’s time to cut them down to size.