MD96: Krypto vs. Ricky Runn
- Thread starter Harthan
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Richard Blonoff
Make America Rassle Again
Deadline has been extended 24 hours via a request from Krypto.
FlexAmerican Dynamite
WZCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
The Khronicles of Krypto
Bachelor Death Party
General Manager of Aftershock Chuck Myles can be seen walking down a busy block in downtown L.A. He appears to be on a cell phone as he attempts to navigate his way through the parade of people. Whoever he is the phone with seems to be getting all his attention as Myles carelessly bumps into all the passing pedestrians.
Myles: Yes Mr. Banks I realize I was not present as the staff meeting this morning, I just thought with Aftershock being postponed and replace with Total Mayhem this week that my services werent exactly of the upmost importance.
A loud yet precise yelling can be heard coming from Myles cell phone.
Myles: Yes, youre correct Mr. Banks it is extremely unprofessional for me to assume something like that. However, contrary to what you may think Im not taking the day off. Im actually heading to meet with network executives who have huge plans in mind for the 30th Aftershock special.
The same yelling can be faintly heard again this time a little less loud and a bit calmer.
Myles: Yes sir, I realize this is your company now and it wont happen again.
Chuck stops in front a skyscraper as he hits the end call button on his cell phone while giving a sigh of relief. Shortly after Backstage Bob is seen approaching Myles and promptly hands him a briefcase.
Myles: Why are you late Bob? I told you how important this was!
Bob: Im sorry sir but there was a staff meeting his morning, Mr. Banks was giving us all the third degree and he wasnt very thrilled that you were absent.
Myles: Trust me I know, this is however much more important than that. I got an invitation in the mail from an A-list athlete asking me to come to his bachelor party.
Bob: What A-list athletes do you know besides the ones at WZCW, who Im willing to bet would never invite to such a special occasion due to how previously horrible you were to them.
Myles: Thats the point I dont, it must have been some sort of mistake. It was actually anonymous too; it just stated the address of the party. I do however plan to capitalize on that with whats in this briefcase: a contract with a huge undisclosed amount of money for some appearances on Aftershock. It will bring in the ratings, Mr. Banks will be happy, and Ill get a promotion.
Bob: About that .
Myles: No time for small talk Bob, Ive got mingling to do.
??? : Hey Im glad you guys could make it!
The faint un-human like sound can be heard from Krypto as he scurries through the crowd of people as he makes his way to Myles and Bob.
Myles: What are you doing here?!
Krypto: Whose bachelor party do you think this is?! Were about to raise the roof extraterrestrial style!
Myles: Wait .youre the A-list athlete that sent me the invitation?
Krypto: I may have embellished a bit but I knew that was the only way to get you to come. I know weve had our moments but youve been an integral part of my life here on Earth. This party just wouldnt be the same without you. Neither would my wedding, so with your permission Mr. Myles .
Krypto clears his chest and gets on one knee.
Krypto: Would you be my best man?
Bob: Psst Krypto .you dont propose to the best man.
Krypto: Oh .my bad.
Myles: Youre getting married? Who would even .why would I want to be your best man?!
Krypto: Whether you realize it or not Mr. Myles I owe my entire life on this planet to you, youre the one that hired me, you created the Mentorship Program which led to my rise in popularity, and youre the best general manager an alien can have!
Myles: I cant believe this .
Bob: Well Mr. Myles you said you wanted ratings, imagine how many people will tune in to see an interspecies wedding on your show. With you as the best man that will put you in a whole new light with the public, its a win/win for everyone.
Myles: Fine .Ill be your best man Krypto. We can discuss the details of the Wedding later, I just I just need a drink.
A loud stomp interrupts to conversation as the thud creates almost an Earthquake like feeling as it gets closer and closer to the alien and his cohorts. It appears to be Facecrush McSpinesmasher who is tearing through civilians while out of breath after sprinting here.
Facecrush: Facecrush sorry for being late, prior engagements take up Facecrushs time. Facecrush miss anything important?
Krypto: Nope youre right on time buddy!
Myles: What have I gotten myself into?
Krypto: Im so glad you guys are here; I truly know the feeling of having best friends now. This is going to be the best wedding ever!
Facecrush: Facecrush so happy for Krypto!
The huge behemoth then scrapes up Krypto, Bob, and Myles into a huge, warm, loving, yet uncomfortable hug.
Myles: Okay, put me down now. I really need that drink.
Facecrush puts them down as they all head into the party which is already started with raging music. The building is filled to the brim with people, most of whom have never even met Krypto.
Myles: Who are these people? None of them are WZCW wrestlers nor are they backstage workers.
??? : They are hired actors to help the scenery.
Myles: Who are you?
Maria: Maria Kingsley, Mr. Kryptos personal assistant for this wedding.
Myles: You seem very familiar
Maria: Well I uh-
Krypto: Well shes just the best Wedding planner ever!
Myles: Whatever, which way is the bar?
Maria: Other side of the room sir.
Myles heads over the drinks, Facecrush makes his move toward the strippers he mistakes for Celeste Crimson and Isabel Stone, and Maria quietly sneaks off the text someone. Meanwhile Krypto pulls Bob back to a more secluded area to talk business.
Krypto: So did you do that research on that Mr. Big guy I was telling you about?
Bob: There wasnt much on him; all I know is that he likes big cars, big houses, etc. Its almost like hes compensating for something.
Krypto: Interesting .
Bob: Shouldnt you be more focused on Ricky? You got a re-match with him on Meltdown.
Krypto: Runn and his attempts to surpass his own mediocrity are no interest of mine. Ace Stevens has already proven that Rickys World title contention does not shield him from defeat. This Mr. Big is tormenting my future wife and has made threats to destroy our union. I need to find out who he is, and I need to know to stop him.
Maria: Hey Krypto, I believe its time for that surprise I was telling you about.
Maria leads the alien to a chair in the middle of the room and begins signaling the DJ.
[YOUTUBE]ZJL4UGSbeFg[/YOUTUBE]
Suddenly from dark corner of the room a woman emerges, colored in blue avatar pain she seductively makes her way towards Krypto. Although she seems camouflaged the music and muscular physique she possesses are a bit all too familiar to Chuck Myles.
Myles: Is is that Anita Dick?!
Maria: Yup, straight from the WZCW archives. I did a bit of research and thought you might have got a kick out of this. Who knew after you fired her she turn to a life of exotic dancing.
Myles: You certainly know a lot of WZCW, you sure you havent worked for me before.
Maria: Well ..
[YOUTUBE]AdJtw7vS1E8[/YOUTUBE]
The loud blaring of the former popular boy band drowns out the wedding planners response as Anita continues her services all over the extraterrestrial.
Krypto: I know Im about to be a married man but man will I miss nights like these!
The aliens happiness is short lived as the music abruptly stops as Anita pulls out a dagger she was hiding god knows where and holds it to Kryptos throat. A stray pack of donuts are launched into a back closet and Facecrush cant resist as he follows them only to be locked in by the strippers. The rest of exotic dancers are also carrying knives and have Bob at their mercy.
Krypto: Is this a part of the show?
Myles: What the hell is going on here?!
Anita: After you fired me Chuck I learned to embrace my feminine side and use it to my advantage. I applied the deadly skills I acquired in WZCW and became a gun for hire, and this E.T. wannabe is my target. Mr. Big sends his regards.
Just before the assassin is able to finish the job a flash grenade is tossed through the window. Everybody is stunned leading to Kryptos fiancée Missy to rush her way in with cat like quickness and take down the strippers holding Bob hostage with a katana and brass knuckles. She rushes toward her future husband to save him but Anita is well prepared and lunges toward the school girl with her dagger and the two exchange in katana/dagger/knuckles combat. The two are evenly matches until Anita hits a shot to the leg taking down Missy. She looks to go for the killing blow until Krypto is able to crack her in the back of the head with Chucks briefcase which he grabbed while the women were fighting.
Facecrush: NOBODY PUTS FACECRUSH IN THE CLOSET!!!
The monster busts through the door he was locked and joins the couple in a fighting stance. Anita curses under breath as she and the rest of her stripper cohorts retreat from the party.
Anita: This isnt over you freaks! Ill be back!
Myles: I cant tell whether this drink is too strong or not strong enough
Krypto: How did you know to rescue us Missy?
Missy: Mr. Big isnt very bright as he sent me text message like half an hour ago telling me to say goodbye to my lover.
Krypto: Oh, well since when did you learn ninja skills?
Missy: I learned all sorts of things from Mister and Alhazred, is everybody okay?
Facecrush: Facecrush always okay.
Bob: I dont think anythings broken except my pride of course.
Myles: Can I just get my briefcase and go?
Krypto: Oh right, I think I may have broken it over her head.
The alien scurries to pick up the fallen contents from the case and notices the contract with the huge salary bonus.
Krypto: Pay raise? Awww Chuck! What an amazing wedding gift! You must really have faith in me. I know things didnt go as planned tonight but Ill make it up to you when I face Ricky and make sure he never names another show after some awful Swag pun. Ill make sure theres no Swagdown this week and Ill be damned if theres ever a Swagscension.
Myles: -_-, Bob just take me home.
Missy: We have to figure out who this Mr. Big guy is Krypto, his antics are becoming dangerous.
Krypto: Correct you are, his dangerous and often idiotic strategies remind me of Runn. With the old WZCW veteran Anita Dick on his payroll who knows who else in WZCW he could have after me. Ill just have to pound the answers out of Ricky and see where that gets me.
Missy: Just be careful, his new group of WZCW rejects are mindless drones who obey his every command.
Krypto: Well after spending so much time as Austin Reynolds half brained lackey its only fair he finally gets to know what it feels like.
TOP SECRET AFTER CREDITS ENDING
Sometime Later
Maria: The assault didn't go according to plan Joe.
??? : Damn it Maria we agreed to call me by new name.
Maria: Fine, the assault didn't go according to plan Mr. Big.
Big: Well it seems if I want something done right I'll have to do it myself.
Maria: Their wedding is approaching fast, we will have to act quickly if we truly intend to stop them.
Big: I refuse to let the girl who broke my dreams have any true happiness. I'm going to destroy this wedding and the soon to be husband and wife. Get on the phone for me and book a flight for the West Airlines.
Sometime Later
Maria: The assault didn't go according to plan Joe.
??? : Damn it Maria we agreed to call me by new name.
Maria: Fine, the assault didn't go according to plan Mr. Big.
Big: Well it seems if I want something done right I'll have to do it myself.
Maria: Their wedding is approaching fast, we will have to act quickly if we truly intend to stop them.
Big: I refuse to let the girl who broke my dreams have any true happiness. I'm going to destroy this wedding and the soon to be husband and wife. Get on the phone for me and book a flight for the West Airlines.
Our Swagalicious, main man, ballin and Proflin' voice of our generation Ricky Runn standing out as the man among lambs in Paris France. Though by "standing out" he is actually sitting by himself out by a cafe in Paris, France. Though of course figuratively he did stand out in France wearing his Obey hat. Skinny jeans, and of course a bright pink tee shirt that had "NINJAS IN PARIS" written in black on the front. His feet were kicked up onto the table. Last week was rough for the number one contender. After failing to beat the smelly New Yorker who obviously had no idea why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch. The great contender had to get his feet back under him. He needed to his focus back on what mattered. Bitches, money, haters, delicious cereal, or even croissants. What really mattered was the gold, and if he wanted that gold, he needed to beat Barbosa. But how? Times like these, there was only one thing you can do. WWKWD?
What Would Kanye West Do?
While a great question to ask one self in the middle of trying to find success. It was currently not a good thing to do in the middle of public. Even worse when the Swag Pack were no where in sight and Ricky was sitting with a French girl who seemed to speak absolutely no English.
???:"Your lunch order sir."
Ricky snapped over to the voice, it was a Waitress holding a plate in her hands. On the plate was a crepe. Ricky's head turned and spat at the waitress rudely.
Ricky:"Huh?"
The Waitress, while confused, kept her poise and said to the super handsome and almost unbelievably badass Superstar.
Waitress:"Your Crepe sir. This is what you ordered, right?"
Ricky:"Okay listen I don't speak French, alright. I wanted a croissant. You mean you're telling me that crepe isn't French for croissant? What the hell is croissant then, huh?
Waitress:"Ummm, it is just... croissant."
Ricky held his hand up, about to argue her point. Though through an almost willful act of Based God, Ricky bit his lip and shook his head. Though his silence was short before shooing the Waitress off and shouting.
Ricky:"Well then I'm in a French ass restaurant. Hurry up with my damn croissant!"
Ricky taking in a deep breath, shook his head and said to the ever quiet French girl he was sharing a table with and said to her.
Ricky:"Damn girl, with all these haters, you'd think I was Krypto at a Battered Women's shelter. Speaking of that little green sex offender. I've already beaten that dwarf. I destroyed that sex offender more times than Money Mayweather beat Castillo. I taken out that trash so many times they might as well call me the Garbage Man. I have bounced Krypto's head against the ground so many times the fans at home thought they were watching me play basketball. You know what I'm saying, huh?"
The girl looked back at Ricky completely clueless at the Swaghili speaking baller. Speaking up she said in French to the long haired adonis of the 21st century.
French Girl: <"So are you going to leave my table or...">
The Swagaholic straight busta hopped up from his seat, with no idea what the young girl said only assumed she was trying to front and hate on his overwhelming, and jawdropping swagger.
Ricky:"Huh? Why you gotta speak that gibber jabber huh? You trying to hate on my swag? Well guess what shorty. I love haters, I do. Haters and I are best friends. You know who else swags? Bar-fricken-bosa . Then again, I wouldn't blame him. When you live your life for so long without swag, it'll make you go crazy. It'll make you flat out bezerk. It's true, it's true. I can see it now, when you got no swagger, the only friend you'll have is yourself. So why have one friend, when you could have like 12 imaginary friends? My swag will rape hi--"
The prodigal son of all that is hip and swagtastic looked shocked as a fellow tourist shouted.
Tourist:"Ahhh Ninjas!"
Suddenly, the Ninjas came from the shadows, and one even came out from under the table. All coming towards the OP beast dog Ricky Runn who said shaking his hands and shouting.
Ricky:"Ninjas in Paris! Why! I didn't even finish the rape joke!"
In an even more confusing twist, the Ninjas began to transform and, grow taller, larger, and furrier. The ape transformed ninjas now began to beat down on Ricky who was thrown to the ground shouting fearfully.
Ricky:"Ohh my god there's ninja's in Paris... and they're going gorillas!"
The beating continued on until the screen faded to white. Then Ricky, looking completely fresh in a Black suit with red led lights on the sleeves, and the front of his suit glowed. Ricky's eyes were covered with shutter sunglasses. Walking towards the camera he spoke calmly.
Ricky:"Wow, that sure was crazy huh? Well, that's what I get for making a rape joke. Now remember fans, rape is not a joke. Rape is not funny, and do not even get me started on actual rape."
The screen fades again and we see the Swag pack standing together all wearing classy suits but without the matching light up parts that Ricky's suit had. Standing from left to right was Joe Mason, Donny J, and Hollywood Jameson.
The camera then focused on Joe Mason
Joe Mason:"Rape isn't PC, and as the most politically correct man in the world. I should know. How would you like it if someone slipped a "roofie" in your drink and took advantage of you at night? Would you like that? I think not. That Krypto fellow is a sick, twisted... person. I do not know who needs more medical help, him, or that poor woman Missy. "
The camera then snapped onto Donny J, who while not wearing a suit, had a tuxedo tee-shirt on.
Donny J:"Everyday, thousands of Americans are raped of their freedoms by the gosh darn liberals, Communists, and illegal aliens, and who can be more of an illegal alien than Krypto. Tell me Krypto, where's your birth certificate! Arrest Krypto for America!"
Jameson last, but definitely not least then spoke. His face stern, and stoic.
Jameson:"I used to think making fun of rape was funny. Then again, I was never affected by one personally. I used to be like Krypto, I thought it was funny, and I made my fair share of jokes. Though now thanks to the little green guy, he always scares away the catering crew and every time I am trying to eat in the back him with that Missy girl just makes things... creepy. Even a big man like me knows that no really does mean no."
The camera pans out, and focuses on the Swag pack who all spoke in unison.
Swag Pack:"No means no!"
Fading to white once more, the camera returns to Ricky still standing in his suit saying with a nod of his head.
Ricky:"Powerful stuff ain't it? Fact of the matter is. Bitches deserve respect, and they deserve a peace of mind. The bitches in the club shouldn't start closing up their legs and running for the hills when you walk into the club like what up, Krypto has a pet rock. Just remember fellas, don't ever assume your girl wants a drink that knocks her out, and if she says no, she means no. Now there isn't exactly an army of ninja gorillas out there ready to stop rapist, so we need to depend on swag. Just remember, your Swagtastic voice of a Generation, Ricky Runn wouldn't touch a lady that didn't want me to. Though let's face it, with enough swag, chicks will be swarming you like how Krypto does roofies."
Removing his sunglasses, Runn spoke into camera, saying with a menacing tone.
Ricky:"There won't be ninjas going gorillas, Krypto, but rest assured. I am much, much worse than that. This isn't personal, this is a statement. Swag will overcome sexual deviants, and my swagger will send you packing back to Uranus or wherever you're from."
Runn then lifts his amazing, and quite frankly, stunning pair of shades and winks to the camera before it faded to black. Then in bright red letters the screen read.
What Would Kanye West Do?
While a great question to ask one self in the middle of trying to find success. It was currently not a good thing to do in the middle of public. Even worse when the Swag Pack were no where in sight and Ricky was sitting with a French girl who seemed to speak absolutely no English.
???:"Your lunch order sir."
Ricky snapped over to the voice, it was a Waitress holding a plate in her hands. On the plate was a crepe. Ricky's head turned and spat at the waitress rudely.
Ricky:"Huh?"
The Waitress, while confused, kept her poise and said to the super handsome and almost unbelievably badass Superstar.
Waitress:"Your Crepe sir. This is what you ordered, right?"
Ricky:"Okay listen I don't speak French, alright. I wanted a croissant. You mean you're telling me that crepe isn't French for croissant? What the hell is croissant then, huh?
Waitress:"Ummm, it is just... croissant."
Ricky held his hand up, about to argue her point. Though through an almost willful act of Based God, Ricky bit his lip and shook his head. Though his silence was short before shooing the Waitress off and shouting.
Ricky:"Well then I'm in a French ass restaurant. Hurry up with my damn croissant!"
Ricky taking in a deep breath, shook his head and said to the ever quiet French girl he was sharing a table with and said to her.
Ricky:"Damn girl, with all these haters, you'd think I was Krypto at a Battered Women's shelter. Speaking of that little green sex offender. I've already beaten that dwarf. I destroyed that sex offender more times than Money Mayweather beat Castillo. I taken out that trash so many times they might as well call me the Garbage Man. I have bounced Krypto's head against the ground so many times the fans at home thought they were watching me play basketball. You know what I'm saying, huh?"
The girl looked back at Ricky completely clueless at the Swaghili speaking baller. Speaking up she said in French to the long haired adonis of the 21st century.
French Girl: <"So are you going to leave my table or...">
The Swagaholic straight busta hopped up from his seat, with no idea what the young girl said only assumed she was trying to front and hate on his overwhelming, and jawdropping swagger.
Ricky:"Huh? Why you gotta speak that gibber jabber huh? You trying to hate on my swag? Well guess what shorty. I love haters, I do. Haters and I are best friends. You know who else swags? Bar-fricken-bosa . Then again, I wouldn't blame him. When you live your life for so long without swag, it'll make you go crazy. It'll make you flat out bezerk. It's true, it's true. I can see it now, when you got no swagger, the only friend you'll have is yourself. So why have one friend, when you could have like 12 imaginary friends? My swag will rape hi--"
The prodigal son of all that is hip and swagtastic looked shocked as a fellow tourist shouted.
Tourist:"Ahhh Ninjas!"
Suddenly, the Ninjas came from the shadows, and one even came out from under the table. All coming towards the OP beast dog Ricky Runn who said shaking his hands and shouting.
Ricky:"Ninjas in Paris! Why! I didn't even finish the rape joke!"
In an even more confusing twist, the Ninjas began to transform and, grow taller, larger, and furrier. The ape transformed ninjas now began to beat down on Ricky who was thrown to the ground shouting fearfully.
Ricky:"Ohh my god there's ninja's in Paris... and they're going gorillas!"
The beating continued on until the screen faded to white. Then Ricky, looking completely fresh in a Black suit with red led lights on the sleeves, and the front of his suit glowed. Ricky's eyes were covered with shutter sunglasses. Walking towards the camera he spoke calmly.
Ricky:"Wow, that sure was crazy huh? Well, that's what I get for making a rape joke. Now remember fans, rape is not a joke. Rape is not funny, and do not even get me started on actual rape."
The screen fades again and we see the Swag pack standing together all wearing classy suits but without the matching light up parts that Ricky's suit had. Standing from left to right was Joe Mason, Donny J, and Hollywood Jameson.
The camera then focused on Joe Mason
Joe Mason:"Rape isn't PC, and as the most politically correct man in the world. I should know. How would you like it if someone slipped a "roofie" in your drink and took advantage of you at night? Would you like that? I think not. That Krypto fellow is a sick, twisted... person. I do not know who needs more medical help, him, or that poor woman Missy. "
The camera then snapped onto Donny J, who while not wearing a suit, had a tuxedo tee-shirt on.
Donny J:"Everyday, thousands of Americans are raped of their freedoms by the gosh darn liberals, Communists, and illegal aliens, and who can be more of an illegal alien than Krypto. Tell me Krypto, where's your birth certificate! Arrest Krypto for America!"
Jameson last, but definitely not least then spoke. His face stern, and stoic.
Jameson:"I used to think making fun of rape was funny. Then again, I was never affected by one personally. I used to be like Krypto, I thought it was funny, and I made my fair share of jokes. Though now thanks to the little green guy, he always scares away the catering crew and every time I am trying to eat in the back him with that Missy girl just makes things... creepy. Even a big man like me knows that no really does mean no."
The camera pans out, and focuses on the Swag pack who all spoke in unison.
Swag Pack:"No means no!"
Fading to white once more, the camera returns to Ricky still standing in his suit saying with a nod of his head.
Ricky:"Powerful stuff ain't it? Fact of the matter is. Bitches deserve respect, and they deserve a peace of mind. The bitches in the club shouldn't start closing up their legs and running for the hills when you walk into the club like what up, Krypto has a pet rock. Just remember fellas, don't ever assume your girl wants a drink that knocks her out, and if she says no, she means no. Now there isn't exactly an army of ninja gorillas out there ready to stop rapist, so we need to depend on swag. Just remember, your Swagtastic voice of a Generation, Ricky Runn wouldn't touch a lady that didn't want me to. Though let's face it, with enough swag, chicks will be swarming you like how Krypto does roofies."
Removing his sunglasses, Runn spoke into camera, saying with a menacing tone.
Ricky:"There won't be ninjas going gorillas, Krypto, but rest assured. I am much, much worse than that. This isn't personal, this is a statement. Swag will overcome sexual deviants, and my swagger will send you packing back to Uranus or wherever you're from."
Runn then lifts his amazing, and quite frankly, stunning pair of shades and winks to the camera before it faded to black. Then in bright red letters the screen read.
Rape is not a joke.
Beat the habit, beat Krypto.
This Public Service Announcement was funded and approved by the "From Swag to riches, and gold for bitches" fundraiser. Ricky Runn for Champ yo!
- Status
