MD94: Saboteur vs. Celeste Crimson

[Kermit]

Celeste Crimson returns to action as she faces the man that is the object of her and her lover's detest. This match is on the brink of a tag team championship bout for Redemption where Saboteur promises to reveal a mystery partner to join his effort against the tyrannical Steven Holmes and his queen, Celeste Crimson.

Deadline is Wednesday (September 18th, 2013) at 11:59 P.M. (Central Time). Extensions available upon request.​

 

[JGlass]

The scene opens backstage in the halls of a massive television studios where a pretty young woman is surrounded by the hustle and bustle of a live television crew. On the walls are posters of hit ABC shows like Modern Family, Dancing with the Stars, and Rich White Bitch.

After standing around, nervously biting her bottom lip, for a few moments, a staff member of the show finally approaches the young woman.

Producer: Hello, you are Miss Lambert I presume?

Megan: Yes, but you can call me Megan.

Producer: Great, Megan, I see you’ve been through makeup already. I hope we’re up to your lofty standards!

The producer laughs a very fake, very Los Angeles laugh, but Megan indulges her with a polite giggle.

Megan: My specialty is in monsters and aliens and the like, so I’m glad your crew did my makeup today instead of me.

Producer: Wonderful! Okay, we’re just about ready to call you out, just remember to never look at the camera and of course, have fun! Okay, I gotta run to talk to our next guest, but a PA will come lead you out soon, so just hang out for a few minutes and pretty soon you’ll be on camera!

Megan: Oh wow, this is so exciting! I’m really nervous though.

Producer: Don’t worry, you’ll do great.

The producer walks away briskly leaving Megan to wait anxiously by herself. Megan can hear the studio audience from backstage, and she can tell that the numbers are massive. She starts to bite her nails but quickly pulls them away, trying to stop herself from indulging a nervous habit. She taps her foot in an attempt to release some nervous energy, but her body is producing it faster than she’s disposing of it. Her heartbeat accelerates, she feels sweat forming on her forehead, and her hands begin to shake. She starts to take a deep breath when someone new comes to greet her.

Saboteur: Hey.

Megan lets out a surprised scream after seeing the masked face of the WZCW Tag Team Champion appear next to her seemingly out of nowhere.

Megan: Oh I'm sorry, you surprised me.

Saboteur: Nervous?

Megan: Yeah, a little. I’m usually behind the camera, not in front of it, you know?

Saboteur: Oh yes, of course, it’s only natural to be nervous before being on TV.

Megan: Well I know that, it’s just…

Saboteur: I wasn’t done! It’s only natural to be nervous before being on TV. I mean, there’s so many things that can go wrong. You can say something stupid and look like an idiot on a national program, you could stumble over your words like a drunk, or just look like a complete fool in front of the live audience.

With each example Megan grows more nervous as she taps her foot faster and faster.

Saboteur: And then there’s all the stuff you never even think about. You could trip walking to the stage, you could spill water all over yourself, a light could come crashing down from the ceiling and land on your head, breaking your neck, turning you into a vegetable for the rest of your life. Being on TV could ruin your life.

Sweat is pouring down from Megan’s forehead when her anxiety finally gets the better of her.

Megan: Oh my god, I gotta get out of here!

Megan turns around and runs for the nearest exit. Saboteur chuckles to himself for a job well done, but this moment of victory is interrupted by a studio PA.

PA: Excuse me, have you seen Megan Lambert?

Saboteur: Tonight's guest? Yeah, that's me. I'm Megan Lombard.

PA: Really?

Saboteur: Yes really! Why else would I say that?

PA: Right. Okay, so, before we go out, I just have to remind you to smile, try not to talk about any non-Disney produced programs you’ve worked on, and don’t look at Barbra Walters in the eye.

The PA grabs Saboteur by the arm and drags him towards the stage door. They wait silently for a few seconds before the PA receives some sort of cue over his headset.

PA: Alright, they’re ready for you Miss Lambert. Welcome to The View.

Saboteur Vol. 12 Ep. 3: A Female Perspective​

Barbara Walters: We have a very special guest today on The View. You may not know what Megan Lambert looks like, but you’ve likely heard her name. She is an Oscar winning makeup artist that has crafted the faces of orcs, aliens, and zombies. Megan recently made the jump to TV, working on the new ABC show, Fangs, a fantasy show that features teenage vampires and werewolves. So please give a warm View welcome to Megan Lambert!

The crowd cheers loudly for several moments, but nobody comes out.

Barbara Walters: Let’s try that again, shall we? So please, give a warm View welcome to Megan Lambert!

The crowd gives a more modest round of applause, but again, nobody comes out.

Barbara Walters: Okay, please give a warm View welcome to Megan Lambert!

The crowd gives an unenthusiastic applause for Barbara’s third attempt, but the third time is the charm as today’s guest walks out from backstage. But instead a pretty young makeup artist, a spandex clad professional wrestler joins The View ladies on stage.

Saboteur: Thank you! Thank you very much!

The crowd grows quiet as Saboteur plops himself into on of the armchairs, and the camera captures several confused faces in the live studio audience. Sherri Shepherd, Joy Behar, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck all seem to be just as speechless as their audience. Barbara Walters is the only one able to find any words.

Barbara Walters: I’m sorry, you’re Megan Lambert?

Saboteur: Yes, I am that person. Of course I’m that person! Why would you ask?

Barbara Walters: It’s just that wasn’t expecting you to be… a man.

Saboteur: And I wasn’t expecting you to have the skin of a 12 year old. What’s your secret Barbara? Do I detect the scent of Vagasil.

Barbara Walters: Yes, but not on my skin!

Saboteur: Right. Say, someone is missing. Where the hell is Whoopi Goldberg?

Sherri Shepherd: She’s not here today, she’s taking a month off.

Saboteur: Oh man, a month off? She’s the only reason I came here!

Sherri Shepherd: I thought you were here to promote your work on Fangs, on premiering on October 3rd right here on ABC!

Saboteur: Nope, I’m to stop that witch Whoopi Goldberg from carrying out her dastardly plan!

Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Finally someone said it! I’m glad you have the guts to call Whoopi out on her leftist, pro-abortion, pro-communism propaganda!

Saboteur: Shut up blondie, I don’t give a crap what Whoopi wants to do with fetuses. All I care about is what she wants to do with me!

Joy Behar: As much as I love seeing Mrs. Republican put her foot in her mouth, I don’t really understand: why would Whoopi care about the makeup artist on Fangs, on ABC Thursday nights at 9, 8 central?

Saboteur: She wouldn’t, but she’d care about me, Saboteur!

Sherri Shepherd: So wait, you’re not Megan Lambert?

Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Security! Someone call security!

Barbara Walters: Wait, let’s talk to this… Saboteur fellow about his problem with Whoopi Goldberg. Now Mr. Saboteur, why exactly do you want to track down Whoopi Goldberg?

Saboteur: She’s the head of a complex conspiracy that ends with me getting killed so that WZCW can put the tag team titles on their chosen team of Steven Holmes and Celeste Crimson.

Barbara Walters: And who exactly are Steven Holmes and Celeste Crimson?

Saboteur: They’re WZCW’s power couple, as passionate about kicking ass as they about making love. I’m not sure the two are mutually exclusive with them.

Elizabeth Hasselbek: Now that’s nice, I love when couples do things together. You know, my husband Tim and I…

Joy Behar: Nobody cares about your stupid marriage, Elizabeth.

Sherri Shepherd: Now it seems to me that you should probably concentrate more on your problems with the tag team of Steven and Celeste than you should be with Whoopi.

Barbara Walters: Yes Saboteur, you should focus on the problems you can solve, not dwell on the ones you cannot.

Saboteur: But Whoopi is the leader of the conspiracy! If I cut the snake off at the head, the whole body dies.

Joy Behar: Yes, but killing Whoopi Goldberg isn’t a realistic option, now is it?

Saboteur: Pfft, says you. But fine, I’ll indulge you: I have a match with Celeste Crimson on this weekend’s Meltdown. How should I approach this match?

Sherri Shepherd: Women just want to know that you’re listening to them. Why don’t you try asking her how her day was… and then when she’s busy telling you, grab that bitch by the weave and start throwing fists at her face.

Saboteur: Say what?!

Joy Behar: That’s a good strategy, but I’ve always found a kick straight to the babymaker is the quickest way to end a fight.

Saboteur: I’m pretty sure that’s illegal…

Elizabeth Hasselbeck: My strategy has always been to grab them right on the nipple and twist, like this.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck grabs Joy Behar’s breast and gives her a vicious titty twister that leaves Joy screaming in pain.

Joy Behar: Get the hell off of me you bitch!

Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Oh don’t act like you didn’t like it you Godless ****e!

Sherri jumps in to try and peel Elizabeth off of Joy, but instead just gets swiped in the face by Joy. Sherri starts pulling at Joy’s hair and smacking her in the face, perfectly executing the technique she was recently teaching to Saboteur. Elizabeth Hasselbeck, not to be outdone, starts tugging at Sherri’s shirt and clawing her on the back of the neck.

Barbra Walters: Ladies please! This is a family show!

Saboteur picks up Elizabeth Hasselbeck from behind and puts her in her chair before separating Joy and Sherri.

Saboteur: Alright, alright, enough already! I see what’s going on here: you’re all working for Whoopi Goldberg! Trying to convince me to turn my attention towards Holmes and Crimson while Whoopi continues to elude my grasp and then giving me advice that would get me disqualified in my match with Celeste Crimson… clearly this is an attempt to sabotage me, but Saboteur cannot be so easily sabotaged. Not only am I going to beat Celeste Crimson, but I’m going to keep these tag team titles until the day I die, and there’s nothing you harpies or Whoopi Goldberg can do to stop me!

Barbra Walters: Saboteur please! You’re being irrational!

Saboteur: You can watch me get all irrational on Celeste Crimson’s face on Meltdown this Saturday night! Later ladies, Saboteur out!

Saboteur jumps over the table separating the ladies of The View from their bewildered audience and leaves the studio through the audience entrance. The entire room sits in stunned silence for a few moments.

Sherri Shepherd: And check out Fangs on ABC this…

Saboteur shouts from the hall.

Saboteur: NO!

The women of The View all look down in shame after this embarrassing episode in their history.

 

[Bernkastel]

What a crazy world we live in. I should have been happy about this decision, but I wasn’t. My divorce became finalized today; the man that had turned his back on me when I needed him the most was now a distant chapter in my memory. The child that was left behind that I had worked so hard to cling onto was still out of my grasp. That goal wasn’t reachable yet, but I wasn’t going to give up the hope that one day Nero and I would be a family. And there in laid the problem. The new life that I had tried to build with Steven just seemed so empty. We could have had everything; the world was at our fingertips, but at Kingdom Come everything just fell apart. I wasn’t sure if I was to blame or if Steven was just overwhelmed by circumstance, but I couldn’t point fingers. That was the nature of life, and thus I had to accept cards I had been dealt. And the hand this week was a new opponent in Saboteur.

Family…

Not new in the sense that this was the first time our paths had crossed. While I had always been a bridesmaid and never the bride when it came to winning titles, both Saboteur and I had clawed, punched, kicked, and mauled each other trying to catch the bouquet symbolizing the WZCW title. But with Steven and I still reeling from our losses, Saboteur had chosen that distinct opportunity to make his move. He had made an enemy out of Steven.

Values…

I wasn’t going to sit idly by either. I was going to stand by my man seeing this was the route he wanted to take. A slap to his face was a slap to mine, but Saboteur wasn’t a fool. I knew him well enough to understand the method to his madness. And falling into his mind games was just the sort of trap that he wanted to set for us. Bout whom among us was really the fool? Saboteur for playing his games and expecting us to fall for him, or Steven and I for playing along and trying to force Sabo into playing our game. I knew he was still broken up over the loss of Action Saxton, and I wasn’t totally convinced that the masked man had all his ducks in a row. Absolutely not; in fact, they were strewn all over the place. It was fear motivating Saboteur to challenge us. Not the fear of loss, as I had to remind myself, but the fear of complacency.

Lead…

And really Steven and I should have feared that too, and we did. But in that silver lining laid another opportunity for us; take the tag titles and restore our Eden. In the end this was what we both really wanted, which was immortality for the both of us. Taking turns as the godhead seemed like a nice prospect, but it was much simpler just to find glory in equal share. Steven and I weren’t like a normal team anyhow; we were a unit. Saboteur and Action Saxton were close enough to consider each other brothers from different mothers, and in that sense they were a unit as well. But unlike the bonds of brotherhood the link Steven and I shared went far deeper than that. The intimacy that we shared was a love so deep that nothing could break it. No sin of man could corrupt the rope that bound us so tightly, and perhaps Saboteur was jealous of that.

To…

If I had to face my hardships alone without the warmth and comfort of Steven’s embrace I would have been jealous seeing such intimacy in front of me. That bond of brotherhood was gone, and all Sabo had left to his name being his own ambitions. And what were those ambitions, to remain a tag team champion without a partner or move on to bigger and brighter things? Did he want to test his luck on the stage that Steven and I shined on for months until we were dragged off of it thanks to the efforts of several people? It seemed logical, even more a lunatic like him. But like Steven and I, Saboteur had his pride as well. And that innateness was going to be his downfall.

Check…

I had no qualms about facing Saboteur again this week. For me this was simply business. Testing the waters with no bait to call the sharks so to speak, and no blood was going to be spilled. This was the war of the minds. Steven had already risen to meet the challenge, and has the yin to his yang I had my obligation to follow his footsteps. I had to step in the right place, my moves needed to be precise, for truth been told I had no idea what was waiting in the future. The cold loneliness that sets in after separation can hit like a tidal wave, sweeping all security out to sea with it.

Mate…

And that’s what I was currently feeling since Steven and I had been away dealing with business of our own. We’d eventually meet back in the same place together, but I just couldn’t help but long for him. This divorce had been hard on both of us, the ominous shadow bearing down on us like a fog trying to snuff out our rays of lust and happiness with its waves of bitterness and disparity. I couldn’t think about that right now, for it was my turn to thrown down my gauntlet. Saboteur conceived this tale, Steven penned the introduction, and now it was my job to write the first chapter. This fight was not mine to finish, but both of ours. Let Sabo have his fun for now, but sooner or later he’d fine himself with his back against the wall with no one to turn to. No man was a castle to himself, but merely a pillar of strength holding up the foundation of the fortress erected with those he cherished. As the second pillar of the stronghold Steven and I had created together, I was going to take great pleasure in showing Saboteur exactly what he was up against.