Alhazred is passed out on his couch in his usual fashion, alcohol bottles, game controllers, mother boards, wires and Cheetos bags surround him. His face is covered in his usual beard and it is stained orange with Cheetos cheese in some parts. His once white Oh! T-Shirt is stained brown and orange, he is pants less once again, this time opting for leopard print. Missy is standing over him, hand on her hip and shaking her head in disappointment. She grabs his legs and pulls him off the couch, his head slams against the floor but he still stays asleep. She drags his body across the living room and out the front door, as she leaves she grabs his van keys. She pulls him down the wooden steps, his head bounces off each one as she pulls him down. She drags his lifeless body all the way to his van, opens the door and lifts him into the back. She hops in the drivers side door and attempts to start it. It rattles and shakes and it takes multiple attempts, but eventually it gets going. She turns on the radio, puts in a CD and blasts it and begins happily dancing and singing along.
[YOUTUBE]c71RCAyLS1M[/YOUTUBE]
20 minutes later
Alhazred is still passed out in the back of his van. Softly in the background and outside of the van, someone is attempting to start up a chainsaw. It finally starts up after several tries and the sound slowly starts to get louder. It sounds like its right outside the van, when all of a sudden the sound of it hitting the van is heard. The screeching of saw meeting metal wakes him up immediately, he jumps up and looks around terrified. He quickly composes himself and hops out of the fan as soon as the saw comes ripping through the thin and rusted metal side of his beloved white van. He runs to the other side and sees Missy laughing away as she destroys his vehicle. He stares at her with his mouth open and hands in the air until she turns off the chainsaw.
Missy: What?
Alhazred: You destroyed my baby. I love this van.
Missy: Its just a van, with all the money you make Im sure you buy a better car.
Alhazred walks over to his car and hugs it.
Alhazred: But this has so much sentimental value, Ive had a treasure trove of memories in my van. Running away from that Chinese restaurant owner who wanted to chop of my balls, scaring the shit out of your father, King and his father while trying to drive and change at the same time, throwing cats at Titus fans. Youve ruined it.
Missy shakes her head
Missy: This van is a symbol of all that is wrong with you. Youre so stuck in the past and in this pattern of relying doing the same things over and over again. Move on, grow up. This van is a piece of doo doo and makes you look like a pedophile when you drive it. It took me five minutes just to get it started and I thought it was going to die on me on the way here. Sure it holds memories for you but those memories make you remember your scars that the people in your memories caused. My father died like a year ago, Ive gotten past it, my family has gotten past it but here you are still letting it affect you.
Missy kicks the van.
Missy: In order to move on and rule WZCW like you should you have to shed all the things that are dragging you down. The biggest for you is the past and this van is well
a vehicle for your pain. We do not let things hurt us and if they do we destroy them. This van is hurting you. Its hurting you emotionally, mentally, the fumes it spews out are probably hurting you physically, and its hurting our style. Do you think I want to travel around the world with you in this? Id look like a girl you kidnapped and are holding her against her will. Thats a bad image for both of us and we must shatter it!
Alhazred looks down, saddened by the loss of his van.
Alhazred: But I love this van.
Missy stomps her foot.
Missy: Well it doesn't love you and you know what? Neither does Ace Stevens, Barbosa or S.H.I.T. and you sitting there pouting over a van isnt going to help you crush them. Now if youre done pouting, grab that sledgehammer over there and lets get some of the anger out.
Alhazred stands and looks around confused.
Missy: NOW!
Alhazred runs to the sledgehammer and picks it up. He walks over to the van and stares at it.
Missy: Now think about something that hurt you or made you mad and smash something!
Alhazred: I dont understand the point of this. I questioned your reasoning behind you destroying my van because it hurt me so you want me to think of something that hurt me and then help you destroy my van thus continuing the pattern of hurt?
Missy: Stop analyzing everything. Look, I used to have some anger problems
Alhazred raises an eyebrow.
Alhazred: Used to?
Missy: Shut up, I was much worse before and how dare you say that! I am a bubbly ray of sunshine in your dark depressing life! Anyway I took some therapy and anger management sessions a few years ago and they took us to a junkyard and let us smash up everything to help our anger. This also comes in handy for you my geeky little friend, as you are facing the Mayhem Champion this week, Ace Stevens. While it isnt Mayhem rules, you never know what he going to throw at you and he is a master at using weapons to his advantage, this will help that too! So smash that windshield!
Alhazred thinks about something for a second. His face grows red with anger, he raises the sledgehammer high in the air and brings it crashing down against his vans hubcap, crushing it.
Missy: That was great! What were you thinking about?
Alhazred: The fact that youre making me destroy my van!
Alhazred continues to smash the van in various spots, swinging faster and faster each time until he finally lets out a loud scream and smashes his driver side window.
Alhazred: S.H.I.T. how dare you betray me! We were friends, I was your master and you defied me.
Alhazred climbs on top of the van and starts hammering away on the top.
Alhazred: We went through wars together, I taught you everything I know and you do betray me?! I am the master, you are the robot! You cannot stop my wrath you piece of shi-
Missy: STOP!
Alhazred stops and looks at her confused.
Missy: No more foul language. There might be kids watching this.
Alhazred shrugs and continues to smash.
Alhazred: You cannot stop my wrath you piece of poo. I will crush you, I will make you pay for you insolence, you will not beat me!
Alhazred slams the hammer one more time and hops off the van. He goes inside of it through the back and stares at his hammer again. He quickly starts hitting the seats and inside of the van over and over again.
Alhazred; Barbosa! You crazy dumby! How dare you interfere in S.H.I.T. and Is personal business. You had no right stopping our fight! I was going to have my revenge and you stole it from me!
Alhazred begins to laugh.
Alhazred: But thats ok because I stopped you last week didnt I? Didnt I?! I knocked you the fudge out in an instant with my Power Glove! But it didnt last, no it didnt because you cant get through your barbaric, unstable little cochroach brain that you will never be able to understand anything S.H.I.T. does because you are a moron! A psychotic buffoon wandering around ruining everything you touch, when most of the time the stuff has nothing to do with you! You have the gall to call me out, to rough me up? Well I beat you and I beat you clean, Barbosa. That wouldnt stop you but I will stop you at Apoclypse, I will annihilate both of you!
He crashes the hammer into the radio and stops, hes breathing heavily.
Missy is jumping up and down in delight.
Missy: Now what do you think about Ace Stevens? Hes a funny guy aint he?
Alhazred hops out of the van and heads towards the front.
Alhazred: Oh hes a funny guy, he likes to run his mouth and tell his jokes. Well I have a little joke for you: Ace Stevens walks into a ring
and I smash his face into the ground!
Alhazred lifts the hammer over his head and throws it through the front windshield, shattering the glass.
Alhazred: You are nothing but a road block on the road to the Apocalypse of S.H.I.T. and Barbosa! You may be a champion but I am a destroyer! You thrive in Mayhem, well I live in chaos! Youre lucky that worthless title of yours isnt on the line or it would be around my waist when the match is over while you are in the center of the ring with a broken nose, laid out cold from my Level 5. You have beaten nobodies and rookies, wrestlers who arent even fit to clean my Power Glove never mind step in the ring with me. You are the champion of the weak and the forgotten. Nobody cares about the Mayhem division, just like they dont care about you. My old comrade Bowen held that title longer than anyone else and hes at such great heights right now. Oh, wait no he isnt, hes wandering around week after week facing random people for no reason because nobody cares about him, you and him are nothing but human pin cushions. You are nothing but a cheap pop for a cheap weapon spot. You are only good for making guys like me look better. You are nothing, I am on the path to greatness. You think your barbaric weapon swinging can compete with an intelligence as high as mine? Come Meltdown, dont even attempt to fight me. Just walk into the ring, lay down and lose, avoid the pain, the anguish, and the embarrassment of facing a man like myself. On your way back to the locker room, throw that belt into the trash where it belongs.
Alhazred looks at Missy.
Alhazred: That enough anger management for you?
Missy nods but begins to laugh.
Alhazred: Whats so funny?
Missy: Well that was great and it was an amazing speech. You let out all your anger and quite frankly it would have been terrifying but
Alhazred: But what?
Missy: You do realize that youre still in your leopard print undies dont you?
Alhazred looks down and shakes his head embarrassment, Missy laughs hysterically as the scene fades to black.
