MD76: Saboteur vs. Mikey Stormrage

[Viola Moonlight]

With Saboteur and Saxton defeating the Tag Team champions, they've been named the number one contenders at Redemption and will face Strikeforce for the titles. In preparation for the event, both teams will be split this week to compete in singles match against each other. Whoever takes the victories here will definitely be carrying the momentum through to the PPV.

Deadline is Tuesday, July 10th at 11:59 PM Central Time.​

 

[Ty Burna]

Mikey Stormrage has been granted a 24 hour extension.

 

[JGlass]

Wyoming. Big Wonderful Wyoming, the cowboy state. It’s a state that’s oft overlooked by many Americans, but one of the most beautiful states in the Union. It’s home to the world famous Yellow Stone national park, miles upon miles of the Rocky Mountains, and Dick Cheney’s private stash of nudie magazines. As we look upon the Wyoming skyline of majestic mountains, luscious plains, winding rivers, and one gigantic tower reaching high into the sky.

Hundreds of feet taller than any other man made structure in all of Wyoming stands Saboteur and/or Saxton Tower, home of Saxton and Saboteur Enterprises. It’s a normal day at the office in that there’s really not much business going on. The company has no direction and is being run by two gentlemen whom are more interested in professional wrestling than fiscal earnings. For now, the tower really just acts as one giant playroom for the duo, being used for whatever whim Saboteur and Saxton decide to act on.

Fortunately, there is one soul in the tower that means business, and that is Saboteur’s best friend, roommate, and kidnapping victim: Garrett. Garrett walks down the hall with purpose, carrying some very important documents and muttering under his breath,

Garrett: I can dance. I’m a great dancer.

Garrett eventually comes to the double wooden doors that house Saboteur’s office… or what he assumes is Saboteur’s office based on the crayon scribbling on the wall that says, “Saboteur’s Office,” with an arrow pointing to the doors. Garrett knows interacting with Saboteur is never an easy feat, so he takes a deep breath before he opens the door.

Garrett was expecting the worst on the other side of those doors. Maybe Saboteur was operating a zoo. Perhaps the masked maniac had organized a midget fight club. There was even the off chance that Saboteur built a Breaking Bad-esque chemistry lab in an attempt to invent the perfect flavored Jelly Bean.

Garrett was expecting the worst, but all he found was Saboteur sitting at a desk, quietly typing something on the computer. There was an area to the side with couches and a coffee table that featured some mainstream magazines. The only thing that worried Garrett at all was the fact that Saboteur was wearing a lady’s pants suit, but he decided that this was on the tame side for Saboteur, and was willing to overlook it.

Garrett: Hey Saboteur, I got some papers from WZCW that I need you to sign.

Saboteur ignores Garrett and keeps typing on his computer. Garrett, puzzled, walks towards Saboteur and continues.

Garrett: It’s the contracts for your upcoming match against Strikeforce. You’re facing them at Redemption for the belts, remember?

Garrett starts to slide the folder with the contracts towards Saboteur when Saboteur suddenly starts typing and answers Garrett.

Saboteur: I’m sorry, do you have an appointment to see Mr. Saboteur?

Garrett: Um, what?

Saboteur: An appointment. Mr. Saboteur won’t see anyone without an appointment!

Garrett: But… you are Saboteur.

Saboteur: I beg your pardon, but I am certainly NOT Mr. Saboteur. I am his secretary, Miss Butler. If you’d like to schedule an appointment to see Mr. Saboteur I can help you with that. Now what time would you like to see him?

Garrett cautiously responds.

Garrett: Well, when is the earliest I can see him?

Saboteur flips through a notebook on his desk, periodically running his finger up and down the pages as if he's looking for something specific. Garrett takes a peak and sees that most of the pages contain crayon drawn pictures of The Brady Bunch as Transformers.

Saboteur: He seems to have an opening now. Would you like to see him now?

Garrett: Yes. Yes I would. So I can just go in his office then?

Garrett points to the doors right next to Saboteur’s alleged secretary’s desk.

Saboteur: Let me just let him know you’ll be coming in.

Saboteur picks up a phone and holds it to his head without dialing anything.

Saboteur: Mr. Saboteur, you have a visitor… It’s Garrett… He wants you to sign some papers… Yes I’ll be in in a moment.

Saboteur hangs up the phone and looks at Garrett.

Saboteur: I have to run in for a second, and I’ll let you know when you can come in.

Garrett: Right, okay. See you in a few.

Saboteur calmly pushes his chair back from the desk and walks into the office behind him. After a few muffled clunking noises emanate from behind the doors, Saboteur pops his head back out.

Saboteur: Garrett! Glad to see you are here! Come in come in!

As Garrett starts to approach the door Saboteur closes it quickly. Garrett rolls his eyes and then opens it and is immediately greeted by the unpleasant smothering of smoke.

Garrett: *Cough* Saboteur! What are you doing in here?

As Garrett puts one hand over his mouth and uses the other to try to wave the smoke out of his face. Through the smoke he is able to see Saboteur standing at a grill.

Saboteur: Oh hello Garrett, thanks for coming in on such short notice! I’m just grilling to prepare for my match against Mikey Stormbutt this weekend.

Garrett makes his way to a window and opens it up. After taking a deep breath of fresh air from outside he begins to use the WZCW Contract folder to fan the smoke out of the room.

Garrett: You didn’t call me in, I had to make it passed your so called secretary. And I don’t get it, how is grilling going to help you beat Stormrage?

Saboteur: Well I gave video games a try last week, and there’s no way I’m doing that again! Those dang things are way too hard nowadays. Whatever happened to the days when all you had to do was keep a ball moving between to paddles?

Garrett: Geeze, how old are you?

Saboteur: So I figure if I can’t think like a video game nerd, I might as well think like a fat guy! So I’m grilling up burgers, hot dogs, ribs, shark tail… pretty much anything that the Piggly Wiggly sells that can be grilled.

Garrett: Where did you get this grill anyway?

Saboteur: WZCW started a “get Saboteur a grill” fund. Now I finally have a grill to go with my “Grill Master” apron!

Saboteur points down to his Grill Master apron which he is wearing above his normal spandex suit.

Saboteur: It was only 45 bucks in the Sharper Image catalog. You know, that Ty Burna isn’t such a bad guy, getting me a grill and all.

Garrett: You hate Ty Burna.

Saboteur: Oh yeah. So what can I do for you Garrett? Wait, one second…

Saboteur tilts his head back and screams…

Saboteur: IT’S SABOTEUR TOWER!

Garrett has a somewhat puzzled look on his face, but he decides to ignore the random screaming and opens the folder as he approaches Saboteur.

Garrett: This is the contract for your match against Strikeforce at Redemption. I’ve read through it, there’s nothing abnormal or weird on it… except this weird “Gerbil Clause”, but I hardly think that’s going to come into play. All you need to do is sign here.

Garrett points to the bottom of the page where there is a highlighted line for a signature. Saboteur grabs the folder, takes a brief look at the contract, and then grabs a hot dog off the grill and puts it to the paper.

Garrett: Saboteur! What are you doing?

Saboteur taps the top of the hot dog and with a click a ballpoint pen pops out of the top of it.

Saboteur: Neat huh? Came for free with the apron.

Saboteur scribbles his signature onto the line and hands the folder back to Garrett.

Garrett: Congratulations, you are now officially in your first title match in WZCW. How does it feel?

Saboteur: It makes me feel… hungry. You want to stay for burgers? You only get one; I need the rest of them so I can think like a fat guy. After this I’m going to put on a fat suit and do other fat guy stuff, like grunt when I have to bend over to pick stuff up and make up reasons for why I’m overweight. What do you think sounds sexier: “I have a metabolic syndrome,” or, “I ate my twin in utero and he’s still hungry.”

Garrett: They both sound awful. You know there actually are some fat people that can’t help but be fat. You should be more considerate of their feelings.

Saboteur scowls and starts poking at Garrett’s relatively round belly with his spatula.

Saboteur: Spoken like a fatty! Whose side are you on Garrett? Are you a double agent for the FBI? The Fat Belly Institute? Do I need to go all Good Saboteur/Bad Saboteur on you!?

Garrett: Will you relax? I’m just trying to help you out here. No need to be rude about it.

Saboteur goes back to flipping his burgers and hot dogs with a sheepish look on his masked face.

Saboteur: Yeah well… you can never be too careful about these things. Here, you can have this burger. It’s the biggest one, but I want you to have it as an apology.

Saboteur picks up a charred black burger, sticks it between two buns, puts it on a plate and hands it to Garrett.

Garrett: Um, I think I’ll eat this one on the road…

Saboteur: Alright, suit yourself. I'll be in here, training for my match with Mikey Stormrage! Now where did I put the ketchup...?

As Saboteur searches his spandex for ketchup, Garrett hurries out of the room with the contract folder and his burger. As soon as he closes the doors to Saboteur’s office he dumps the burger in a nearby garbage can and scurries away to mail the contracts back to WZCW Headquarters.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

When you crush an ant beneath your feet as you walk, do you feel remorse? No, you don't. Is it because you are evil or because you recognize yourself as a higher form of life?

I couldn't help but ponder this question as I sat in silence in the "orce" locker room, well what was left of it after James got a hold of it. I pondered partly because I felt crushed with the loss, and partly because James had probably destroyed more than just our dressing room door. I didn't think of myself as an evil person. I mean sure I had tea bagged and team killed Johnny Scumm while playing Xbox in the past I stole James' belt all the time, and I had hidden the cardboard box that Krypto thought was his spaceship, but it was all in good fun. I knew for a fact though that I wasn't a higher form of life or better than anyone else. I was just a guy who played way too many video games and happened to be a decent wrestler. No, actually I was a good wrestler, good enough to win the tag team titles. Maybe I was better than other guys in the company. I know James thinks he is better than Saboteur and Saxton and he has a point. We won the tag team titles as rookies over the best team in history of the company, we had wins over solid competitors and former champions alike, and we had previously beaten Saboteur and Saxton. It took the ref blowing a call for them to beat us.

You think they would have fixed this place up since James threw his fit.

The voice coming from outside what was left of the door was Triple X.

I looked up and gave the wreckage a quick once over. The shelves were still out of place, some of James' personal effects were still on the floor and the red Gatorade that stained the wall hung around like the blood of the last man to see James unleash the level of anger he did days before.

I sigh as I stand and offer my hand to X.

I know what you mean man, place is an absolute wreck.

We shook hands and both took a seat on the one bench that wasn't a wreck.

So how has that belt been treating you?

I could see the strap of his Elite X title hanging out of his bag. He smiled at me.

It's getting tough to keep it but its been a fun ride. Whenever it ends I know I will have enjoyed it.

You got that win over Holmes, can't say I did the same. My jaw finally stopped hurting from that shot he gave me way back when.

X laughs a bit.

He is a tough customer for sure. I bet it was worth it though, next round you came back to take those tag straps.

Went through hell to get it, but Belty and I are a pretty good team, I have...


...I look in my bag and don't see my belt. I pick it up and dump it upside down. The contents spill everywhere. Batteries, my DS, deodorant, medication, clothes, my Rainbow Dash toy, all go tumbling across the floor.

Where is Belty? I start to sound panicked. X did you see Belty? She gets lonely. She is too small to be out on her own.

X looks at me perplexed. He slowly stands up and walks to the door.

Well I have to go big guy. Good look finding your belt. You can hear the apprehension and general confusion in his voice.

I instantly turn to him. My look of concern over Belty has gone to a look of anger.

Big guy? Is that some sort of fat joke?

I advance on him quickly as he backs up.

What? No..No man I was just saying. Good luck keeping your belt. Don't let Saboteur get one over on you this week either.

I get even closer, raising my voice even more.

What are you saying? That Strikeforce sucks? That we aren't a good team? Guess what you and everyone else and we just keep proving people wrong.

I kick an overturned chair out of my way as X makes his way out the door in a hurry.

Oh and what do you mean, "Don't let Saboteur get one over on me"? Is he planning something? Do you know something? Did he take Belty? I will shove one of those katanas so far up his ass he will be able to floss with it!

By the time I finish my tirade X is out of sight. Some of the backstage crew look at me.

What are you looking at? I start to walk past them to catering. Out of my way, I'm hungry!

I decide to put the quest for Belty on hold long enough to get some food. I got in line behind Stacy Madison and Jack Cohen. I looked out of place. Me in my sandals, red plaid shorts, and Spiderman shirt, while Stacy was in a stunning black dress and Jack was looking sharp in his tuxedo. I overheard their small talk but kept to myself as I looked over the choices. When I finally got to go the chef asked me, "Would you like the soup or salad?

I looked at him puzzled. What the hell is a super salad?

What a loser! I could hear Stacey from across the room. A dull laughter fell over the dining area as I made my way to her.

Look I am not in the mood. I'm hungry, Emeril back there is making up food, I've got to deal with a spandex wearing lunatic this week and above all Belty is gone and she is too small to be out on her own. I don't need this from some weather girl reject!

I firmly point my fork at Stacey, who doesn't back down. Instead she comes back with her own quip.

The only thing that belt is too small for is fitting around your waist.

Again the room goes into a snicker fit. I throw down my fork and leave disgruntled. As I walk out I feel my phone vibrate. I reach into my pocket and send it to voice mail. After walking back to our empty husk of a locker room and pacing around my phone vibrates again. I look at the screen and press the button to check my voice mail.

You have one unheard message. First unheard message. "Hey, Mikey, its Ricky. I wanted to call and tell you I took your belt. I'm tired of seeing it around your shoulder instead of your waist like a real champion. Anyway, having a week off has gotten boring. Hit me up on Xbox later. Take care of yourself big man.

I put my phone in my pocket and put my hands on my head, frustrated. Ugh! Are you serious!

I hear a knocking at the shred of a door still left. Jack Cohen sticks his head in.

Here to make another fat joke? I ask angrily.

Sounds like you are having a rough go of it.

Yeah go ahead and pile on. I've seen tapes of you commentating my matches. Fat joke after fat joke. Not a nice word to say.

You are right. Until recently I absolutely hated you. I always thought you were just a tag along to your partner. I can't deny the influence he has had on you though.

I walk over and take a seat and look up at him.

Your point being?

I've seen glimpses of it in all his matches. Then at Kingdom Come I saw it come to the surface, ready to pop. Last week it finally boiled over. He destroyed this room. Look at it.

He picks up a chair that James had used to destroy one of the lockers.

Chairs aren't supposed to bend this way. I like that in a man. He is angry and he will do anything to correct that and to win. Reminds me of myself.

I still don't see what you are getting at. I look at him waiting on him to get to his point.

I think you have that in you too. You can be ruthless, I've seen it in the ring. Aside from that charade with Runn a few weeks back, you put 100% into your matches and the fans still don't give you respect you want. They still don't accept you.

I turn my full attention to him. His words resonating with my deep seeded longing for acceptance.

You are right. Even with guys like Runn and Reynolds, guys I would call my friends, it was always smiles above the table but knives drawn below.

In this business you have to look out for yourself and yourself only. Not the acceptance of the fans, not to makes friends, but to win, at any cost. I've seen that weird obsession you have with that belt. A man of your size should wreck people to get what he wants, and I know you want to keep that belt.

I sat in silence nodding my head, hanging onto his every word.

You are right, screw the fans, screw my friends, forget about pleasing the crowd. My sole purpose is keeping Belty and repaying all those ass hats who made fun of me for my weight.

Jack flashes a devilish smile, content with his efforts in turning me to the dark side. I shake his hand and he walks out.

He is right, I will do whatever it takes to keep Belty. Starting with beating that spandex wearing freak so bad he is going to regret ever pretending to be a superhero.

I grab my phone and text James.

Hey James, when you step on ants when you walk do you feel remorse?

What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I don't

Is it because you are evil? Or do you accept that you are a higher form of life?

I don't feel anything because its a bloody ant. Its insignificant. Its existence is insignificant to me. So yeah I guess its because I'm a higher form of life.

I'm starting to thing Saboteur is nothing but an ant on my climb to being part of the greatest tag team of all time. I have to admit though, it's gonna feel pretty good to go out of my way to step on him.