“S.H.I.T!”
There it was, the voice of Alzhazred, once again demanding something. Loyal machine that it is, S.H.I.T sprung into action quickly, heading straight for the source of that voice.
What is it?
“Ah there you are, I am hungry, make me a sandwich.”
S.H.I.T’s expression is more or less permanent, it’s mouth is contorted into a fearsome snarl, and it’s eyes are more like targeting equipment than visual apparatus. It looked at Alhazred now, with metallic rage.
What kind of sandwich would you like?
“Erm. . . I would like ham, with lettuce, and mayonnaise and, and, and cucumber.”
S.H.I.T looks towards the kitchen, and then back at Alhazred with a stare like the fury of Elephants.
It shall be done!
Spinning on its heels, S.H.I.T heads towards the food storage area (unopened bags of shopping left on the kitchen table) and searches for the necessary ingredients.
The problem with machines with any degree of sentiency is that while they can think and act for themselves they are still driven by their prime directives, S.H.I.T can analyse a situation and act accordingly, but it is still driven by the fact that it is designed for fighting, anything less could translate to, well, an annoyance really.
If S.H.I.T feels emotion, it would be the one shown by it’s expression right now.
Mindless tasks! The occupation reserved for the female of the human species. . . spread butter slowly and evenly so as to not rip the bread. . . this is certainly true. . . lay ham on bottom slice of bread. . . Alhazred has stated many times that Celeste Crimson belongs in a kitchen and not a wrestling ring. . . add lettuce and cucumber. . . but the man has S.H.I.T performing mindless tasks. . . spread mayonnaise on top slice of bread and close the sandwich. . . a piece of sophisticated fighting technology reduced to making sandwiches!
S.H.I.T looked at it’s creation, it was an efficient sandwich, when S.H.I.T took the time to do something, it was usually efficient. Putting it on a plate taken from the plate storage area (unwashed washing up, no doubt S.H.I.T would be put to that eventually as well) it brought the sandwich to Alhazred.
“It isn’t cut.”
In a move normally reserved for it's opponents in matches, S.H.I.T cuts the sandwich in half. Alhazred takes the sandwich, and begins stuffing his face.
S.H.I.T watches, it was built to destroy, how it became the thrall of this man is another story, this man with breadcrumbs and mayonnaise on his face. . . Sorry, mask.
*How S.H.I.T finally learnt that peoples clothing wasn’t actually part of their anatomy was caused not long after it had joined the Apostle's of Chaos, they were all sitting around a fire with the other Apostles dressed in robes, apart from Wasabi Toyota who had decided to forego the robes and appear in the nude. S.H.I.T had sat and stared in awe at the thing that Alhazred would later describe as a tackle. If Toyota noticed the staring he didn’t let on, he’d already “accidentally” struck Chris K.O around the back of the head with it twice. Afterwards when S.H.I.T asked Alhazred about the "tackle" and it's uses the robot got a long story about birds and bee's, this is more familiar territory and the reason that S.H.I.T attempts to head chop any birds and bee's it comes across, after all, if bird's and bee's are how Human's reproduce, they must be stopped.*
This wasn’t right, S.H.I.T was built to destroy, it had to get Alhazred back on track.
We are facing two of WZCW's legends in Titus and Everest soon!
“Yep!” Said Alhazred, through a mouthful of food.
We have our work cut out for us against such titans as these.
“Yep.”
It is an important match!
“Mmmf” a slice of ham had chosen this moment to try to evacuate the sandwich and land on Alhazred's lap.
A sound strategy would be advisable!
Looking up from his sandwich, the former Dr. gives S.H.I.T a look usually used by schoolteachers for that one particular over eager student.
"What do you suggest then?"
Finally. . .
“S.H.I.T?”
Inside the dark recesses of S.H.I.T’s mind there is an unusually large amount of activity, S.H.I.T is floating in position, but instead of the orbs all around it, images are racing past, a violent series of attacks, alliances formed, broken; Celeste Crimson joining Team WZCW, the three on one beat down of Titus by the Apostle’s of Chaos, the Gauntlet Match against Steven Kurtesy, Barbosa savagely attacking Wasabi Toyota, all this rushing past with the ominous sound of Ty Burna’s hysterical laughter as the only soundtrack to the violence.
Finally the images slow down until all pass, leaving only one, that of Ty Burna himself, paused in the middle of an explosion of laughter, the insanity in his eyes there for all to see, traces of spittle in the air around him, making a very grotesque sight indeed. S.H.I.T cocked its head, this is a true example of how deranged the Human psyche can become.
Figures now appear on either side of the robot, on its right is Mister Alhazred and Chris K.O, Alhazred is adjusting his Power Glove but after noticing S.H.I.T he begins waving and beckoning toward it in what can only be described as an alluring manner, K.O seems to be trying in vain to ignore the former Doctors mannerisms. On its left Titus, Gordito and Celeste Crimson have appeared, they are staring intently but not towards the people in front of them, their eyes are averted towards that of Ty Burna who is overseeing the act. Elsewhere, but never in one fixed location Barbossa, Showtime and Black Dragon are floating in and out of view.
S.H.I.T floats down to join the side of Alhazred and K.O.
Out of the blackness behind Celeste, Gordito and Titus, Everest appears, moving to stand alongside Titus, S.H.I.T cant seem to track his gaze however, the face, the eyes especially appear to be blank. An unknown shadowy figure enters from the other side to join the Apostles; it is now four against four.
The line has been drawn.
Variety litters both sides, a colourful ensemble of characters indeed, WZCW has the experience, former two time World Heavyweight Champions, people battle tested against the best there has been in the companies history, it should be unstoppable. But the other side are dominant, driven by a single purpose, hungry to achieve their goal; it is this side that has been on a tear as of late. Watching it all unfold is the figure of Ty Burna, still horribly stuck in mid laugh.
The world around S.H.I.T swirls, the figures contort and join the spinning vortex as it gathers real momentum, it continues on like this until suddenly, as quickly as it started all else is gone, S.H.I.T looks to it’s left, Alhazred is still there but Chris K.O and the shadowy figure have vanished, looking back in front of it, it spots its opponents, Titus and Everest standing side by side, the four figures are almost in spitting distance, by the sounds coming from the person to its left, that is exactly what is being put to the test.
“HEY! I am talking to you!”
S.H.I.T is suddenly snapped back into the real world, probably because Alhazred has grabbed its head and has just screamed that last sentence directly into its face. Spitting fragments of sandwich on the robot in the process.
Apologies. What was your question?
“Oh, I am glad you asked actually, I said, we are against two legends in Titus and Everest. What is your take on the situation?”
S.H.I.T considers the question for a while, the images of its mental analysis still in its head.
This may seem to be an inconsequential battle in the grand scheme of things. Do not be deceived, while it is not directly pivotal to the success of the forces of Chaos, it could be one of the most important matches in the lead up to Kingdom Come!
Alhazred looks at S.H.I.T irritably.
“Yes, yes. We are facing two of the companies legends in Everest and Titus, you've said that, I've said that, beating them would send a huge statement.”
S.H.I.T nods, all the pieces fitting together in its mind, slowly reaching the necessary thought much like a file search on a computer operating system.
Precisely, it will send more than a message.
Current events would put the Apostles at a huge advantage over Team WZCW, all that have been sent to stop us have failed. S.H.I.T and yourself dealt with Action Saxton and Saboteur and since fighting us they have looked to potentially implode.
Celeste Crimson has felt the wrath of Ty Burna himself on more than one occasion, to the point where she has sought help from Titus. S.H.I.T, yourself and Chris K.O physically decimated Titus.
Alhazred nods, his expression unreadable to S.H.I.T.
Steven Kurtesy is to fight Ty Burna at Kingdom Come, yet we have destroyed him on a weekly basis since the Lethal Lottery.
Alhazred nods again.
We were dealt a huge blow by Barbosa when he brutally attacked Wasabi Toyota, removing both as potential allies, but our ranks have been bolstered anew by the now proven loyalty of Chris K.O. While he was not successful against Black Dragon, it would seem that Dragon and Barbosa may well be otherwise occupied and unable to affect the outcome.
“You really think Chris is with us though?”
Of course, if he weren’t then he would be foolishly attacking his allies!
Now S.H.I.T nods, satisfied with its own logic.
Titus and Everest are two of the greatest in WZCW History, but this tag team match is a desperate attempt from Team WZCW to regain some seriously lost momentum, by throwing two of their best at us in order to prove that we can be beaten.
If they win, they will head into the final battle at Kingdom Come with renewed confidence, but another defeat and they will realise that no combination of opponents can stop the forces of Chaos i.e us, no matter how great they are.
Their confidence will be completely shattered, they will tremble in fear and Kingdom Come will be a route.
Alhazred nods again, probably contemplating the prospect of a bunch of WZCW legends trembling in fear.
Kingdom Come may well be the final battle, but a victory in this match will go a long way to cementing the result in our favour.
That is S.H.I.T’s analysis of the situation.
Alhazred looks thoughtful for a long moment.
“Well, you know” he said, looking up at S.H.I.T through his mask “we should probably make sure we don’t lose this match then.”
Affirmative!
“Drastic measures must be taken S.H.I.T!” He said, pointing at the door.
What kind of drastic measures? Asked the robot, from a face showing mechanical menace (as always).
“Oh you’ll see S.H.I.T, very soon you’ll see.”
