MD/AS Megashow: USA vs. Doug Crashin

[Ty Burna]

USA was eliminated from contention in his league last week and looks to take out his frustrations on Doug Crashin. Doug Crashin has been on a losing streak since entering WZCW. Will he rise up at the Megashow and claim his first victory?

Deadline is Tuesday, February 2nd at 23:59 EST.

 

[One Punch Doug Crashin]

We find ourselves outside Doug Crashin’s house. We can see a bunch of broken boards on the ground and a few dented turnbuckles. Doug is heard screaming and we can see him in his shorts. Jason is here as well. He is wearing a wifebeater and black warmup pants.

Doug: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Jason: will you please calm down Mr. Crashin?

Doug: I’ll calm down when I’m good and ready!

Doug smashes his hand on the turnbuckle.

Jason: remember the last time you did this? You ended up in the hospital for a week!

Doug: Whatever man. It’s not like I’m relevant.

Jason shakes his head clearly pissed off.

Jason: Mr. Crashin if you don’t stop trying to injure yourself before your match at the supershow this week I’m afraid I’m going to have to knock some sense into you.

Doug: just do it.

Jason shakes his head and punches Doug square in the forehead knocking him out cold. He then notices Johnny Klamore who is wearing a granite suit with the camera.

Jason: this isn’t a good time John.


Johnny: look I’m not being paid by the hour here. Whatever you have to do, do it quickly. I don’t have all day.

Jason: as you can see Mr. Klamore he’s out cold. If you would like I can do the interview in his place. It’s not like I haven’t been around the man most of his life.

Johnny: I was paid to interview Doug Crashin. Not his low life bodyguard. If you insist I will oblige.

Jason stands in front of Johnny

Jason: low-life bodyguard? Listen you little toad I am a member of the world’s best security detail. DO NOT TELL ME I AM LOW LIFE!

Johnny: I’m sorry. Look do you want to do the interview or not?

Jason: fine.

Johnny then straightens his suit and motions to the cameraman to start recording.

Johnny: I’m here with a huge man they call Jason who is a bodyguard and personal assistant to Mr. Incredible Doug Crashin. One of our latest acquisitions who hasn’t won a match. Now Jason. As Mr. Crashin’s assistant can you tell me what his mindset is going into his match with Ulyses S Adams?

Jason *in his best Doug Crashin imitation*: who is this USA character? I can tell you what my mindset is going to be. His weakness is that he cares for the sheep that are the fans. I’m as patriotic as the next guy but really. This idiot takes the cake. Do him wrong and Old Glory is going to kick my ass? Holy crap man. That is the worst catch phrase I have ever seen. My god can somebody throw me somebody relevant? How can I take this guy seriously.? I mean how unoriginal can you get? This is going to be the easiest victory I have ever had. This moron stands no chance come the Supershow. And THAT is a fact! *goes back to original voice* this interview is over. Now I have to go tend to Mr. Crashin and I suggest you leave before he wakes up.

Johnny: fine I’m going I’m going!

The scene fades to black.

 

[FromTheSouth]

USA is alone in the locker room after his loss to Rush. Disappontment shows on his face. The cameras walk back and the producer tells him that next week, he will be facing a rookie named Doug Crashin. USA looks up at the camera and shakes his head.

USA: So, I have to start again at the bottom? That's OK. I can deal with that. All I know about this Doug Crashin is that he a little bit crazy. He's one of these fans of Mick Foley that think getting hurt is a means to get famous as opposed as a struggle from within to win. As long he gets hurt, he sells merchandise, and gets his paycheck. Well, you can sell all the T-Shirts you want Crashin, it won't help.

If you don't fight to win, you fight without honor. Are you an honorable man Crashin? Do you have a cause? Do you have a purpose?

I know that I do. I know that I fight for honor, I fight for decency. I fight to show kids that you never have to be scared to fight for what you believe in.

People think it's OK to bash their own country. They think the military is an outdated entity. They think we can talk everything out. That's fine, and I wish we could. But, until the world is rid of evil, there will be Marines to seek and destroy.

I think you are evil Crashin. I think that after the highs and lows I have been through here that my mission has never been more clear. You show kids that hurting yourself is OK. You encourage it. Kids will follow that hideous lifestyle of yours and will never achieve anything in life. No one is perfect, but I want to show how to make your flaws into goals, not into attention. Are we to celebrate your demented mind? Hell no! We are to fight the demons that force you to do what you do. Marines fight evil, and you are an evil man.

The camera pans around the locker room and focuses on a letter that is open in USA's locker. USA follows the gaze of the camera.

You seem to be curious camera man. Oh well, this gives me a chance to address something. If you remember a few months ago, I was invited back to service. Well, this letter is reminding me that I can return and are offering me a sizable bonus. I must decide soon. This match is going to go a long way in determining what decision I make. I think I can still spread the message of my love for the good fight here, but at what cost? I keep being caught being too aggressive, not being quick enough. I dominate a fight, but slip up. That never happened on the battlefield, but in WZCW, it does. Is this not enough for me? Do I need bullets flying at my head to focus.

Or, do I just need bear down and slog through the treches? Crashin, you are going to see what a focused Marine does when his back is against the wall. You like to hurt yourself? Good. If that's the case, this may be your very favorite match in your short, demonic career. I show no fear, and neither will you. The difference is, I am fighting for something, for everything, and you, you fight for nothing.