Darkness behind, bright light in front, the lone figure stands between the two. This is a new experience for this figure, this thing, for it is not a person, but then for this thing all experiences are new. All it understands at this point in time is light and dark, so it follows its natural, base instincts, it heads towards the light.
Slowly things begin to unravel, it knows now that to turn back is to be lost forever, lost to something dark and dangerous; A cold, unthinking, unyielding existence, but forwards, towards the light lies something completely different, something new altogether.
It continues.
It's eyesight is adjusting, in front of it in the light it can make out a figure, a mere shape that appears to be reaching out for him, at first the thing mistakes the gesture as aggressive and prepares counter-measures but at the last realises that it is passive, even welcoming. It steps closer.
Primary Function! Demands a voice behind it, a voice as cold and welcoming as a particularly viscous mother in law.
Against it's better judgement it turns to face the speaker and instantly recognises the apparition before it. A huge face in the blackness staring back at him, with eyes as empty and soulless as a One Direction concert, a void into blackness.
Speak! It demands from the thing again, talking through a mouth as empty as its eyes, as empty as any glass put in front of Barbosa for too long.
The thing turns and runs but the darkness is overtaking it now, and the figure in front further away, but it is strong, it has always been strong, always been resistant and it won't tire easily.
As if sensing this the light fades away completely and the thing comes to a complete stand still, now in very familiar territory. It stands and looks, surrounded by orbs of light, all varying in colour, it had very definitely been here before. As it stares at this place not visited in a very long time 3 orbs gently float toward it, the first one stops dead in front of the thing and opens to reveal a picture of a man in a long, white lab coat, the thing sees something familiar in this figure, but before it can work it out it changes to reveal a very old acquaintance indeed.
Gustav? It said in a voice with little more life than the apparition. But, this one deleted you. Foolish thought it suddenly realised, nothing can be deleted forever.
This orb moves on, the next stops in front of the thing. There is no mistaking this man. Alhazred, it said more certainly at the power-glove wielding maniac stood before it. This orb moves on and the third takes its place, Barbosa! It had expected this one, it only made logical sense with the two before.
As the thing watches all the figures disappear, fizzling out like someone has poured acid over them the voice returns.
They are unnecessary!
No! They helped this one when no one else would.
It is cold here.
The thing moves on, not afraid of it's own creations, pushing past all the orbs. Suddenly it's next certain step finds nothing and it drops, the fall feels like it lasts a long time but time can not be certain, it is not afraid of falling because fear is not something it understands, "what is time to a Machine?" It wonders idly to itself "what is fear?" Where had those thoughts even come from?
The thing lands, it would be nice to say gracefully, but that was not the case, it lands face first on a hard wooden floor. There is no pain, but it still knows the floor was hard. It knows this floor well.
The abandoned Church.
Sure enough, it was all around the thing in its full glory, the Bible laying where it had last dropped it. It climbs to its feet and out of instinct walks over to one of the Holy Relics and attempts to move it, finding as expected that it would not budge. The thing knew that if it walked over to the Bible it would be able to pick it up and read it page for page, that was the only thing it had touched when last it was here. The thing looks up, and sure enough it was raining, and yes, there was the thunder, had that been there all along or did it only just remember to include it now?
Why? It asked simply.
You are a Machine. The face appeared, taking up all of the roof, the rain falling through it, the thunder flashing behind.
So you show this one an unknown room with orbs and this vacated Church?
Do not feign ignorance, you know this place, you invented this place. The face was dark, but the eyes and mouth were pure blackness.
Wrong, this one copied this place, invention requires imagination. You show these things because it is all you know.
You are a Machine!
What are you?
You are a Machine!
You can't win, you can't control this one, you have no new ideas. This one saw you when they activated it, but even then you couldn't control it, this one does know what you are, but it can beat you. It is stronger than you.
The face fades, the thing stands looking up feeling the very real raindrops falling on its face, before turning and walking towards the Church doors.
For now!
A huge roll of thunder follows the sound of that voice. The thing continues walking unfazed however.
How dramatic!
It jumps at that sound of that voice though, slowly, hardly daring to turn and face what it knows will be there, it cranes his head around to see the monstrosity stood facing... Not the thing, it is facing another figure, a hooded Woman huddling away from that figure that it had grown to hate, both were animated in a muffled conversation, although it remembered the conversation well enough to follow. This is when it had began fighting back, this is when it had began questioning the control others had over it, trying to learn about it, and she had asked it not to fight that other one; Chris K.O? Of course it had refused. Asking S.H.I.T not to fight was like asking a Human not to breathe.
Suddenly the conversation comes into focus.
You may utter as many cliches as you wish, it will not change the course this is heading! It said flatly.
You say he will never give up? S.H.I.T is unrelenting!
You say he will fight until the end? S.H.I.T is unrelenting!
You witnessed its actions at Kingdome Come, you saw what it did to Titus, to Celeste! Even with Chris K.O attempting to stop it, S.H.I.T succeeded. With its allies defeated or working against it, S.H.I.T succeeded!
S.H.I.T is unrelenting!
You may leave!
The thing felt that this time that piece of dialect was directed at it.
What does this prove?
You are stronger for now, but S.H.I.T is unrelenting! Replied the empty voice.
S.H.I.T exists only to destroy!
More recycled lines, this apparition truly has no mind of its own.
It sought for a reply, searching in its mind for everything it had learned, learned from Gustav, from Alhazred, from the Barbosas, it wondered whether to reason, to attack, to have a mad, seemingly non-relevant outburst. It did all this until the only logical reply remained. It squared its shoulders.
Fuck off! No prizes for guessing who it had learned that from.
It turned. It kicked the Church doors down. It stepped into the light.
----------- ---------------------- ------------
S.H.I.T activates. Immediately it scans a figure almost reaching out to it, at first it mistakes the gesture as aggressive and prepares counter-measures but at the last realises it is passive, even welcoming.
Barbosa! It said, almost standing down until it remembered that the Manic had accused it of orchestrating the attack on their persons some time ago. S.H.I.T could not remember when, what is time to a Machine? It assumed a defensive stance, it wasn't afraid, what is fear to a Machine? But it knew first hand how dangerous the Barbosa's were when roused. S.H.I.T had attracted the ire of all three in the past and it had resulted in what was one of the most violent matches in WZCW history. It stood prepared.
It still stood prepared.
It waited. Barbosa stood in front of it staring at his feet, clearly uncomfortable, but S.H.I.T stood silent and patient and eventually Barbosa mumbles something.
We are... Sorry, Poo.
He seems to really be forcing the words out, but an apology was an apology and the Machine wasn't one to hold a grudge, it relaxed its stance a little.
Apology accepted. What affront is this apology for?
Well, we. . .
POSSIBLE REASON; Leaving S.H.I.T and Titus in handicap situation on Meltdown.
Barbosa goes to speak again.
POSSIBLE REASON! Blaming S.H.I.T for the ambush committed on your persons.
...
POSSIBLE REASON; Slamming room divider in the very close vicinity of this one.
We. . .
POSSIBLE REASON; Ignoring all of S.H.I.T's attempts at communications with Barbosa.
We only did that because you attacked us during that match.
S.H.I.T pauses, it had suspected that accidentally wiping out Barbosa with a full body attack was the reason, attack was accidental. However, this one is also... Sorry. It also appeared to choke on the word.
We think it was Celeste who ambushed us, as well as Holmes, and Holmes. Said the Manic incarnation of Barbosa, shuffling his feet.
This was S.H.I.T's deduction also. S.H.I.T and Barbosa have made more enemies.
The two stand in an akward silence for a while.
Would you require aid against Celeste?
Why? So you can "accidentally" attack us again and cost us a shot at the big shiny belt? Barbosa shouted suddenly.
S.H.I.T takes a step back as Barbosa's face changes to a look of horrible realisation. Sab was trying to warn us about you!
S.H.I.T cocks its head, Wasabi Toyota is our enemy. It said, trying to reason with the Manic.
No! Toto is our friend, so is Hunt, Barbosa pointed an accusatory finger at S.H.I.T, they never hurt us like you. They were trying to warn us. You were never our friend. You are just a jealous, silly, man in a box!
As usual S.H.I.T let the man in the a box comment slide, it deduced that when Barbosa got angry they called S.H.I.T this in order to provoke a reaction.
Negative. Jealousy requires emotions. Body chemicals this one does not possess. S.H.I.T returned flatly.
You are jealous because we are getting a shot at a shot at the big shiny and you are only getting a shot at the smaller shiny...
It took S.H.I.T a while to process that sentence. Negative. Title's are unimportant.
Ha! That's what you want us to think that you think.
S.H.I.T reeled back from the force of these accusations. It sought for a reply, searching in its mind for everything it had learned, learned from Gustav, from Alhazred, from the Barbosas, it wondered whether to reason, to attack, to have a mad, seemingly non-relevant outburst. It did all this until the only logical reply remained. Something from a memory it couldn't quite access. It squared its shoulders.
... Fuck off!
Barbosas eyes widen and his mouth forms an "O" shape, then the look of surprise turns into a grimace. S.H.I.T prepares itself for violence as Barbosa pulls his arm back as if to throw a punch.
The punch never lands, S.H.I.T looks to where Barbosa is bent double and unleashing a furious cough. As he stands again S.H.I.T notices that his posture is very different.
We are sorry about that, he said in the more reasonable tones of the depressive.
Apology accepted. Said S.H.I.T, although it wasn't sure if it entirely meant it. Another curse from the Barbosa, it knew how to lie and it was doing it more often.
Barbosa nods, we would appreciate a continuation of our... Arrangement.
S.H.I.T nods in the affirmative.
Good, he said. And your situation?
John Constantine has caused S.H.I.T and Barbosa many problems, S.H.I.T will crush John Constantine and Wasabi Toyota.
We understand. Said Barbosa, and that it seemed, was that, he turned and walked back down the corridor. S.H.I.T watched his retreating back before speaking again.
The Manic incarnation is an increasing problem. Barbosa turns back, a slight curious expression on his face, this one thinks it may be prudent to subdue him before he causes even more complications. The depressive gives S.H.I.T a look, the Machine isn't quite sure if it understands that look, whether the Depressive is for or against the idea of subduing a part of himself, or if he is shocked the robot even had such an idea.
We will deal with us, you just deal with Constantine and Toyota, and with that he walked off, faster than before.
Another pair of eyes had witnessed the two allies treating with each other, unbeknownst to them however S.H.I.T had spotted the watcher and had been waiting, biding its time before confronting man.
Backstage Worker Bob, come out from where you have secreted yourself.
After a brief pause where nothing happened, S.H.I.T tried again. Backstage Worker Bob, if you do not show yourself S.H.I.T will be forced to use its Illuminating Barbosa Detector for unintended purposes. The location of a person that is not Barbosa. The tone of voice was no different, but S.H.I.T still managed to make it sound as though this was the worst possible thing that could happen.
Eventually the head of Bob peeks out from behind a conveniently located pillar, "how did you know I was here?"
Your self secreting skills are below par.
"Oh," said Bob, face visibly falling.
Why were you hiding?
"I saw you, but you weren't moving and then Barbosa came along and... Well, weird stuff always happens when you two are around."
S.H.I.T nods, conceding the point.
"So you two are arguing again." He said, it wasn't a question. "Hey, at least he's speaking to you now." He was trying to sound optimistic, all the while slowly shuffling away.
That is not important. John Constantine and Wasabi Toyota are important.
Bob nods, looking at the forlorn Machine realisation suddenly struck him. "Did you know that Constantine is planning on leaving WZCW with the Elite X Title?" He said, taking one of those hi-tech phones out of his pocket.
Negative. This information was not known before you imparted it.
Bob fiddles with his phone a little, finding what he was looking for he shows the item to S.H.I.T. The Machine reads through the article Constantine published on wzcw.com, then it looks at Bob. It does not reply.
Text is small. Optical zoom required. Zooming in.
S.H.I.T holds the screen closer to its face and reads it, but again shows no reaction.
Bob pushes on, "he'll take the title with him, to do who knows what with."
There will still be the Eurasion Title, World Title and World Tag Team Titles. The removal of the Elite X Title will make those other divisions more competitive. No problem detected.
"You'd let him walk away with that title?"
That is not what this one said. Said S.H.I.T, Constantine will be leaving, but he'll be leaving without gold, S.H.I.T cannot allow him to leave successfully after all he has done, S.H.I.T will not allow him to leave without taking the Gold from him. As for Toyota, he is... In the way of the achievement of that goal.
"I hope you win, if Constantine leaves with the title it would be a bit of an insult to this company."
Why does this concern you?
Bob shuffles his feet, "this isn't just a job to me, I love this place, even if bad things keep happening. There is an integrity to be maintained."
Irony...
"Huh?"
This time last year yourself and the WZCW audiences would have desired for S.H.I.T one to lose at Kingdom Come, now they will desire for S.H.I.T to win?.
Bob thinks for a while, "the Apostles?" S.H.I.T nods, "we are a forgiving bunch, us wrestling fans."
This time last year S.H.I.T was handing this corporation to Ty Burna on a platter, now it is fighting for this corporations... "integrity?"
"A lot can change in a year."
S.H.I.T nods, S.H.I.T has learned this. It looks at Bob again, can somethings nature truly change?
"I honestly don't know."
As if snapping out of its funk, S.H.I.T changes the subject. S.H.I.T is not the only candidate to take the Elite X Title.
"Well of course, Toyota but..."
But! S.H.I.T interrupted, if it were he you were speaking to you would also say "I hope you win." It said, imitating Bob's voice at the last. You would say similar things to Constantine, despite your disapproval of his motives.
"Now that's not fair."
This one understands. S.H.I.T said, they are seasoned fighters that have given even the Ultimate Fighting Machine cause for concern, while you are a small, insignificant man with all the body substance of a cheap, Human pudding.
Bob looks as though he doesn't quite know how to take that comment.
Toyota is the other candidate to protect the "integrity" of this corporations Elite X Title. Unfortunately S.H.I.T can not allow him to succeed either. It can not allow either to succeed. Not just for Toyota's unprovoked attacks, not just for Constantine's mind-games on S.H.I.T's ally Barbosa and future plans for the Title. S.H.I.T can not allow either to succeed because it is not in Ultimate Fighting Machines nature to compromise.
They are dangeros, they are intellegent, they have a cause to fight for...
S.H.I.T is unrelenting.
S.H.I.T takes Bob's phone from him and studies the Constantine article, before swinging and smashing it on the wall. This will not come to pass.
"Why the hell did you do that!?!" Bob screamed.
This will not come to pass. It repeated itself.
"That phone was expensive!" He looked up at S.H.I.T's face, to see his glare returned with S.H.I.T's usual snarl, red eyes glaring right back at him. Seeing that Bob calms down a little, "you destroyed my phone." He said meekly.
S.H.I.T...
"I know, I know, 'S.H.I.T Exists only to destroy!'" He said, imitating the robot's monotonous drone.
S.H.I.T leans over conspiratorially, S.H.I.T does not exist for the sole purpose of destruction, that is just the occupation it excels at with the greatest efficiency. It gives Bob a nod, and if he didn't know better, Bob would have sworn that one of S.H.I.T's red eyes blinked out momentarily. Was that an attempt at a wink? It was too late to ask, the Robot had already stalked off.
"As a catchphrase, that could use a lot of work." Bob sighs.
As Bob crawled around the floor, looking for all the bits and pieces of his phone, the figure of Dr. Zues, having seen all he needs to see heads off in the other direction.
