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Kayfabe News

Johnny Scumm

InZayn In The Membrane
Kayfabe News (LINK)

Basically, a website that comes up with stupid fake wrestling news headlines, but turns them into absolutely hilarious stories, here's my favourite.

TYPO LEADS TO NEVER ENDING FALLS COUNT NOWHERE MATCH

After nearly four hours with no end in sight, a pair of exhausted wrestlers continue to battle in what was mistakenly booked as a “falls count nowhere” match.

Neither CM Punk nor opponent Daniel Bryan noticed the typographical error on their match contract, which was reportedly drafted in haste by a WWE intern.

Both men appeared shocked when ring announcer Lilian Garcia stated at a recent house show that “falls will not count anywhere inside or outside the ring.”

Making matters worse, each man knows all the reversals to the other’s favored submission holds. What’s more, both men refuse to win via count-out, because count-out victories are lame.

The audience inside the Kemper Arena in Kansas City has begun chanting “Please God stop this (clap-clap-clapclapclap).”

Both Punk and Bryan are drenched in sweat and gasping for air, desperately trying to figure out a way to win the match.

They were hoping for a one-hour draw, but the poorly written contract failed to include a time limit.
 

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