How to survive an anaconda attack

[Bernkastel]

Just follow these ten easy steps...

1. Do not try to run; the snake is faster than you

2. Lie flat on the ground, put your arms tight against your sides, and your legs tight against one another

3. Be sure to tuck your chin in

4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body

5. DO NOT PANIC

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow your feet. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Again, do not panic.

7. The snake will begin to swallow your legs, you must lie perfectly still; this will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees, slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth. Then suddenly rip the knife upwards in a twisting jerking motion and severe the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have a knife

10. Make sure your knife is sharp

 

[Spidey Revivey]

Could put in between #8 and #9 the caption "Why So Serious?"


Or one could simply stay away from anaconda-inhabited places, ex. rainforests and such.

Nothing like a good solution to a nonexistant problem

 

[Goliath Uterus]

You dont think i can out run a snake?

 

[Bernkastel]

Or one could simply stay away from anaconda-inhabited places, ex. rainforests and such.

Nothing like a good solution to a nonexistant problem

What about the anacondas that escape from the zoo?

 

[Bernkastel]

You dont think i can out run a snake?

no, not really

If I were you, I'd make sure I had a sharp knife

 

[Spidey Revivey]

What about the anacondas that escape from the zoo?

Good question; I would remedy this with a simple answer-

There are always stairs somewhere at the zoo. Climb them. Never in the history of mankind have I heard of a snake climbing stairs. And most people would not think to do this, but run amock distracting said snake.

 

[Bernkastel]

Good question; I would remedy this with a simple answer-

There are always stairs somewhere at the zoo. Climb them. Never in the history have I heard of a snake climbing stairs. And most people would not think to do this, but run amock distracting said snake.

I think the crippled would be up shits creek at that point

 

[Spidey Revivey]

I think the crippled would be up shits creek at that point

I agree. Poor disabled, edible people

 

[Bernkastel]

I agree. Poor disabled, edible people

Unless they have a knife, and its sharp

 

[Spaceman Spif]

[YOUTUBE]UcKZsqOSjvI[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

Still hope, that's not an anaconda.

Tis a python.

 

[Bernkastel]

Still hope, that's not an anaconda.

Tis a python.

Python's can be just as bad, except they aren't as fast as humans

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

A bit smaller aswell.

 

[Spidey Revivey]

[YOUTUBE]UcKZsqOSjvI[/YOUTUBE]

I digress; it appears snakes can climb. I bet there is a video on Youtube that has one flying too.

There just is no winning. Unless you have a sharp knife.

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

Or a shotgun...

 

[pun2003hh]

Or a Samuel L. Jackson...

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

That is the weapon of choice.

 

[pun2003hh]

 

[ABMorales787]

You're making threads based on Naruto? Wassup wit dat?

 

[Buffalo Dave]

A bit smaller aswell.

Smaller to what? The reticualted python is the biggest snake in the world!

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

Anaconda is bigger.

 

[Buffalo Dave]

It can weigh more, but retic is longer!

 

[ABMorales787]

Anaconda's are way bigger than Python's. Way bigger.

 

[Rhonda Rousey's Sports Bra]

I'm calling National Geographics with this one.

 

[It's Damn Real!]

Would being friends with Ice Cube help at all?