Hollywood Bradshaw
Dark Match Jobber
So I've been watching American Idol since its debut in '01 I believe? Which spawed the first and best act of them all so far, Kelly Clarkson.
Well, I've been paying attention to each episode, in great detail. What Simon says, what Paula says and what Randy says. I've made detailed notes about each contestant that makes it through to Hollywood and the different characteristics of their personalities, sense of humor and voices. Also, any special qualities they have and/or showcase.
I've also choreographed the journey they make, songs they choose, cross-referencing old music, new music, well respected music and powerful songs that are unforgettable.
I've come up with a formula, I think, fits American Idol...so without futher adue, this is how to get a record deal, the easy way.
#1. Learn how to sing. (obviously) but this includes seeking professional counseling, checking their references, seeing who they've worked with, and the overall satisfaction of their clients with their instructing.
#2. Perfect your singing, 4 hours a day at least for a week, then less time the next week (that way you don't wear down your vocal cords). Then 4 hours a day, for a week again. On again, off again sort of deal.
#3. Learn as much about music as you can, for those of you trying to get a record deal, I'd hope that your interested in knowing music extremely well, otherwise why the fuck are you reading this? lol.
#4. Create a unique, but conservative clothing style. Something that makes you stand out, its in your best intrest if your a male, to find a metrosexual or homosexual male, and ask him to best dress you for show. If any "real men" out there, are offended at that idea...get over it, those types of guys know fashion extremely well and it would be in your best intrest to listen to them.
#5. Use your strong points in your personality, if you have a clever witt, mold it so that it woo's. If you have a dry personality, use it to show how serious about music you are. If your boring, be boring, but creatively to capture America's heart. Honesty is the best weapon to use.
#6. Randy Jackson favors soul and blues sounds. Use your god given or well learned vocal talents to be able to be original, but mimic all of the greats. Learn about soul, funk and rhythm and blues music...so you can use the right dynamics when you need them to impress Randy.
#7. Paula Abdul favors outgoingness, and she loves the pop sound, as well as the soul sort of jazzy, laid back sort of groove tone. So you can use the tools you picked up trying to impress Randy Jackson here as well. But learn about pop music, understand the dynamics of expression and get a language book to teach you about the different syllables, Paula is really big on syllables and timing with the music...so get it right 'champ.
#8. Simon Cowell is a perfectionist. He doesn't really care what you do, as long as you do it to absolute perfection. Find all of the songs they've done before over the last six seasons of idol, and who performed them. PERFECT those songs, and in doing so, you will learn how to listen to a song, and perfect it. Simon is also really big on originality...so while your perfecting those songs, perfect your own unique spin on them. Do everything to absolute perfection and you will win Simon Cowell over.
Now your through to Hollywood...and you have a dynamite chance getting through Hollywood week to the grand stage....here come the last 2 steps.
#9. You have to make America fall in love with you. Don't dance funny on stage, don't make yourself look like a dork, but don't be too serious as to where your unentertaining and boring. Make sure you can perfectly sing, every single song you choose. You get a lot of hands on work with real celebrities and real music people at Idol, so use it wisely to further your music education and make America KNOW that you want it. Appeal to the sheep of the mainstream and the yuppies of America, they have the controlling power, because there is a ton more of them that unique, intelligent people.
#10. Your final step...lets say you don't win American Idol. Well, look at Clay Aiken and Chris Daughtry. They didn't win, and they're HUGE stars. If you don't have what it takes to win American Idol...fight till the death, exhaust yourself, put every single morsel of yourself out there and hang it all on the line. Go big or go home...because if you make enough noise, and you do it right...so what if you don't win Idol...the record companies are watching you, contract and checbook in hand.
And that, my friends...is the easy way these days to get a record deal...simple as pie.
And for those of you not willing to put forth that much hard work, god bless you. You won't win, and rightfully so...because if your not willing to do whatever it takes to make music for a living...you don't deserve it...so carry on, because you are awesome. You'll become filler, and make the way for the real musicians to take the stage and build hopefully legendary careers.
P.S. In case your like "who the fuck is this guy?" I'm a real life recording artist and full time studio engineer for an industry standard professional recording studio.
Good luck!
Well, I've been paying attention to each episode, in great detail. What Simon says, what Paula says and what Randy says. I've made detailed notes about each contestant that makes it through to Hollywood and the different characteristics of their personalities, sense of humor and voices. Also, any special qualities they have and/or showcase.
I've also choreographed the journey they make, songs they choose, cross-referencing old music, new music, well respected music and powerful songs that are unforgettable.
I've come up with a formula, I think, fits American Idol...so without futher adue, this is how to get a record deal, the easy way.
#1. Learn how to sing. (obviously) but this includes seeking professional counseling, checking their references, seeing who they've worked with, and the overall satisfaction of their clients with their instructing.
#2. Perfect your singing, 4 hours a day at least for a week, then less time the next week (that way you don't wear down your vocal cords). Then 4 hours a day, for a week again. On again, off again sort of deal.
#3. Learn as much about music as you can, for those of you trying to get a record deal, I'd hope that your interested in knowing music extremely well, otherwise why the fuck are you reading this? lol.
#4. Create a unique, but conservative clothing style. Something that makes you stand out, its in your best intrest if your a male, to find a metrosexual or homosexual male, and ask him to best dress you for show. If any "real men" out there, are offended at that idea...get over it, those types of guys know fashion extremely well and it would be in your best intrest to listen to them.
#5. Use your strong points in your personality, if you have a clever witt, mold it so that it woo's. If you have a dry personality, use it to show how serious about music you are. If your boring, be boring, but creatively to capture America's heart. Honesty is the best weapon to use.
#6. Randy Jackson favors soul and blues sounds. Use your god given or well learned vocal talents to be able to be original, but mimic all of the greats. Learn about soul, funk and rhythm and blues music...so you can use the right dynamics when you need them to impress Randy.
#7. Paula Abdul favors outgoingness, and she loves the pop sound, as well as the soul sort of jazzy, laid back sort of groove tone. So you can use the tools you picked up trying to impress Randy Jackson here as well. But learn about pop music, understand the dynamics of expression and get a language book to teach you about the different syllables, Paula is really big on syllables and timing with the music...so get it right 'champ.
#8. Simon Cowell is a perfectionist. He doesn't really care what you do, as long as you do it to absolute perfection. Find all of the songs they've done before over the last six seasons of idol, and who performed them. PERFECT those songs, and in doing so, you will learn how to listen to a song, and perfect it. Simon is also really big on originality...so while your perfecting those songs, perfect your own unique spin on them. Do everything to absolute perfection and you will win Simon Cowell over.
Now your through to Hollywood...and you have a dynamite chance getting through Hollywood week to the grand stage....here come the last 2 steps.
#9. You have to make America fall in love with you. Don't dance funny on stage, don't make yourself look like a dork, but don't be too serious as to where your unentertaining and boring. Make sure you can perfectly sing, every single song you choose. You get a lot of hands on work with real celebrities and real music people at Idol, so use it wisely to further your music education and make America KNOW that you want it. Appeal to the sheep of the mainstream and the yuppies of America, they have the controlling power, because there is a ton more of them that unique, intelligent people.
#10. Your final step...lets say you don't win American Idol. Well, look at Clay Aiken and Chris Daughtry. They didn't win, and they're HUGE stars. If you don't have what it takes to win American Idol...fight till the death, exhaust yourself, put every single morsel of yourself out there and hang it all on the line. Go big or go home...because if you make enough noise, and you do it right...so what if you don't win Idol...the record companies are watching you, contract and checbook in hand.
And that, my friends...is the easy way these days to get a record deal...simple as pie.
And for those of you not willing to put forth that much hard work, god bless you. You won't win, and rightfully so...because if your not willing to do whatever it takes to make music for a living...you don't deserve it...so carry on, because you are awesome. You'll become filler, and make the way for the real musicians to take the stage and build hopefully legendary careers.
P.S. In case your like "who the fuck is this guy?" I'm a real life recording artist and full time studio engineer for an industry standard professional recording studio.
Good luck!