So as a kid, I used to love the Spy Kids series, one and two were good, and the third one was pushing it's luck.
They made a fourth film, and I decided to watch it.
Jesus Christ...this film is fucking horrible. FUCKING HORRIBLE. I really...really feel sick to my stomach after seeing this movie. I figured because I enjoyed the first two films, this had a chance...plus I could stare at Jessica's ass for relief when the film started getting bad.
The writing...how can someone who is close friends with Quentin Tarantino make a movie this fucking bad. I swear this guy stole some of SSC's weed, got hammered with Stone Cold's beer, and then stole the brain of a rock with down syndrome.
The puns in this movie make me want fucking hurl, and the jokes...to sum it up, this entire movie feels like it was written by a fourth grader. I think that is the perfect way to sum up this movie. Did Robert Rodriguez let his dog write this fucking movie?
There is little, to no fucking character development at all, and the way the characters react to situations in this film are senseless. For example, the spy mom had some sort of secret necklace gadget she had from her last mission, something happened with that mission and she needed the necklace, but she gave it to the daughter. The daughter gave her the box, but had some sort of contraption that spit out baby food (How the fuck a 12 year old girl managed to create that I'm not sure, but apparently she's some sort of prank genius).
So the Spy mom takes the necklace to her old job, a government facility, gives the box to the lead spy dude or whatever, he opens it and out comes the baby food. What does Jessica Alba do, of course like any person in this situation she fucking flipped, her step daughter just authorized the entire fucking universe by not giving her that necklace. Wait...she didn't flip?
No she didn't, she smiled and said "Another one of her pranks again..." and the boss dude didn't react at all either. Who in their fucking mind would write that? I know it's a fucking kids film, but please! The way everyone is reacting to the whole plot is horrible as well. The husband of the spy wife needed to get his work assignment in by Friday, and instead of his boss freaking out that time is going fucking fast, he yells at them because it IS Friday.
"Oh the world is just going fucking super fast, but I don't give a shit you better have your work done god dammit!"
I wanted to quit watching this 17 minutes in, but somehow I made it an extra 20 minutes. I am fucking done, I can't see how anybody over the age of 7 would enjoy this movie in any fucking way. I wouldn't want terrorists to watch this movie...fucking horrible!
This is film should be targeted at kids, it should be targeted at the fucking sun, because that's where it belongs. I'm not even going to touch on the acting, I knew that was going to be bad from the start, but with good writing that usually solves itself, this movie is fucking horrible. I wouldn't want anybody to watch this film, I wouldn't want my enemies to even watch this movie. This movie is not even fucking worth me writing this big rant about, but I did it anyways because if I didn't get all of this out, I'd fucking hurl it out. ]
Horrible, horrible, horrible. If your kid wants to see this movie, do not let it. Go see Smurfs, or Cars 2 or something, but whatever you do...do not watch this fucking movie.
They made a fourth film, and I decided to watch it.
Jesus Christ...this film is fucking horrible. FUCKING HORRIBLE. I really...really feel sick to my stomach after seeing this movie. I figured because I enjoyed the first two films, this had a chance...plus I could stare at Jessica's ass for relief when the film started getting bad.
The writing...how can someone who is close friends with Quentin Tarantino make a movie this fucking bad. I swear this guy stole some of SSC's weed, got hammered with Stone Cold's beer, and then stole the brain of a rock with down syndrome.
The puns in this movie make me want fucking hurl, and the jokes...to sum it up, this entire movie feels like it was written by a fourth grader. I think that is the perfect way to sum up this movie. Did Robert Rodriguez let his dog write this fucking movie?
There is little, to no fucking character development at all, and the way the characters react to situations in this film are senseless. For example, the spy mom had some sort of secret necklace gadget she had from her last mission, something happened with that mission and she needed the necklace, but she gave it to the daughter. The daughter gave her the box, but had some sort of contraption that spit out baby food (How the fuck a 12 year old girl managed to create that I'm not sure, but apparently she's some sort of prank genius).
So the Spy mom takes the necklace to her old job, a government facility, gives the box to the lead spy dude or whatever, he opens it and out comes the baby food. What does Jessica Alba do, of course like any person in this situation she fucking flipped, her step daughter just authorized the entire fucking universe by not giving her that necklace. Wait...she didn't flip?
No she didn't, she smiled and said "Another one of her pranks again..." and the boss dude didn't react at all either. Who in their fucking mind would write that? I know it's a fucking kids film, but please! The way everyone is reacting to the whole plot is horrible as well. The husband of the spy wife needed to get his work assignment in by Friday, and instead of his boss freaking out that time is going fucking fast, he yells at them because it IS Friday.
"Oh the world is just going fucking super fast, but I don't give a shit you better have your work done god dammit!"
I wanted to quit watching this 17 minutes in, but somehow I made it an extra 20 minutes. I am fucking done, I can't see how anybody over the age of 7 would enjoy this movie in any fucking way. I wouldn't want terrorists to watch this movie...fucking horrible!
This is film should be targeted at kids, it should be targeted at the fucking sun, because that's where it belongs. I'm not even going to touch on the acting, I knew that was going to be bad from the start, but with good writing that usually solves itself, this movie is fucking horrible. I wouldn't want anybody to watch this film, I wouldn't want my enemies to even watch this movie. This movie is not even fucking worth me writing this big rant about, but I did it anyways because if I didn't get all of this out, I'd fucking hurl it out. ]
Horrible, horrible, horrible. If your kid wants to see this movie, do not let it. Go see Smurfs, or Cars 2 or something, but whatever you do...do not watch this fucking movie.
