Gone But Not Forgotten Sites: Good or Bad?

[Dave]

Now, I really want to start this thread with a little bit of history. On January 6th of this year, my Grandmother passed away in her sleep after a long fight with cancer. It was the single most heart-breaking thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life and I still tear up when I think of her and how brilliant she was. Now, I am not writing this to make you feel sorry for me and gain some pity. What I am trying to tell you is that my love for my Gran was immense. She was everything to me and was literally the nicest and best person I have ever met in my lifetime.

Now, when she died, I wrote a poem for her to cement her memory. I am quite a good poet (I like to think) and this poem came right from my heart. There is no one else that this poem is suited for and it was so personal that I am fiercely protective of it.

Now, this is the part where the problem comes in. My mother, whose mother died, wants to use the poem to commemorate my Gran on a website that is used to remember the dead. I told her that under no circumstances would I ever allow something so personal to be put into the open world. That poem was for the people who were closest to her and would understand the meanings and allusions within. My mother was rather upset and told me that she had put a lot of effort into the site.

Having checked it out today, I can honestly feel that I am completely justified in what I thought. These websites are utterly horrible, in my opinion. The page for my Gran has been viewed over a hundred times and random people have been lighting candles for her… Whatever the heel that means.

Either way, it brings me neatly onto the subject at hand. Do you think that sites that are created to remember the dead are just taking advantage of the people who use them? Also, do you think that it is an invasion of privacy for family and friends who do not like the idea of these sites?

I think so. I cannot tell you how abused I felt the memory of my Gran was when I saw that random people were commenting on my Gran’s page. I was under the impression that it was just for family and friends who would receive some sort of password to view the article but no! Random people commenting on my Gran who didn’t know her. I find it despicable, to be honest.

My Mum is not bright enough to realise that these sites are taking advantage of people’s good nature to get a lot of hits. People who want to remember their dead loved ones should keep it to themselves and I think that these sites are the worst of the worst.

Do you agree that privacy should be reserved and that these sites just take advantage of people at a time of loss?

Or do you think that these sites give people an easy way of accessing a place to remember their loved ones?

 

[Ferbian]

First off, while I know it's a little late for it, as well as it's not the purpose of the thread, I would feel bad if I didn't condole on the loss of your grandmother Dave.

Either way, it brings me neatly onto the subject at hand. Do you think that sites that are created to remember the dead are just taking advantage of the people who use them? Also, do you think that it is an invasion of privacy for family and friends who do not like the idea of these sites?

I'm not really sure what side to lean against. I mean from one aspect it's a nice thing, and it shares to the world what wonderful person has just passed away. Of course it also depends how the site is displayed for it to have a proper influence on the people, you said it was horrible, then some is gonna think horribly of the whole deal I'm certain.

I don't see the purpose in creating sites like this myself, personal life sites in general (Marriages, baby sites etc.). However some do, and some likes to have it as a gateway to share their lives with the people they hold dear, if it's family or friends, it doesn't matter. The purpose of the sites are obviously to open up and share their lives. Pretty much like Facebook you could say, but with a more wide base in opening up than a simple update line and some pictures.

All in all, I would say it's all the same to me. I'm not gonna tell someone it's a ridiculous choice, nor will I tell them it's a great choice. Because that is what it's all about, a choice, a choice made by them, and not me.

Do you agree that privacy should be reserved and that these sites just take advantage of people at a time of loss?

Not necessarily, privacy should be reserved to the extend that you deem necessary. I feel that you were in your full right to deny your mother, however I won't tell her that she's taking advantage of a situation by creating a site to honor her mother.

I can tell it took hard on you, but who knows how hard it hit your mother. Much less how much the site helps her to keep the memories dear, as well as give a chance to open up to others in a time that obviously is filled with sadness and other things related.

 

[Dave]

First off, while I know it's a little late for it, as well as it's not the purpose of the thread, I would feel bad if I didn't condole on the loss of your grandmother Dave.

Dont worry about it, mate. I have moved passed it.

Not necessarily, privacy should be reserved to the extend that you deem necessary. I feel that you were in your full right to deny your mother, however I won't tell her that she's taking advantage of a situation by creating a site to honor her mother.

I can tell it took hard on you, but who knows how hard it hit your mother. Much less how much the site helps her to keep the memories dear, as well as give a chance to open up to others in a time that obviously is filled with sadness and other things related.

See, this is where I have the problem.

I have told my mother how I feel about the whole thing and she still creates the page. This thread isn’t about my situation though and it ties into the bigger picture, I think.

I have a feeling that people only create these sites to get some pity for themselves. I can honour my loved ones who have died in my own way. Personally, I don’t think that people deserve to know how good my dead relatives were. That, to me, is completely privileged information. I don’t think that you need a place to go and pay tribute to someone who is dead. Whether that place is a grave-side or a website on the Web.

I don’t understand how a website would keep memories alive though. I think that memories are completely personal to the beholder and allowing people to peruse through that information is a huge invasion of privacy. Yes, it may help you to cope but you may be hurting other people in the process. People who would rather keep that information personal and I think that is where the problem lies.

 

[Ferbian]

I guess it's all about how you moan Dave. Not necessarily about how others feel about how you moan. Like I said, perhaps this is the way for your mother to feel a little better about the situation, as well as to memorize your grandmother much better. A website will always be there, unless taken down after all. Pictures can disappear and all that.

I'm not saying what she did was wrong, or was right. However I am saying that we can't necessarily tell her to not do it if she deems it to be necessary and a way of relieving some feelings and stress.

And I get the whole "Pity me please" thing. However that doesn't mean that she necessarily created it in that way. The majority of those kind of sites are viewed by close friends, and family. So who knows whether it's for those who knew her, to get a new aspect of what they perhaps didn't know. Or for them to together, memorize the great stories that some had about your grandmother.

However, don't get me wrong mate, I can see it from your perspective without a doubt. But I can also see it a bit from your mothers side.

 

[The Doctor]

Meh, to me, they've always seen rather tacky and even tasteless. Sure, the intentions are good, but to me, death is a personal thing. I was very close to my Nan, and I remember her memory by sharing stories and reminiscences with my mother, not by building a website for complete strangers to comment on how she should rest in peace. It's not like Nan was famous. These people didn't know her, and those RIPs would just be empty words.

I'm just a private person when it comes to that. I don't like the idea of public funerals full of people who didn't know the deceased, either.

 

[Tim]

I don't really think it's a good idea, for me at least. I too think the death of a loved one should be a private thing, shared only with friends and family, and these sites cause this private thing to become something public. I just don't understand why anyone would post anything about the death of someone close to them onto these sites, and why anyone who didn't know anything about them would even bother saying anything about them. I can understand discussing it with people you know, but any random person could be posting about your loved one, and the I can't see any appeal in that.

All of the people posting on the site don't really care about these random people they choose to post about anyway. They have no idea what they were really like, or what they even looked like, whether they were nice, whether they were generous, or anything about them. They will just be empty words and sentences that mean nothing. I think it's just enough to be able to talk about someone with your family, and mourn their loss either by yourself or with those close to you. The idea of a gone but not forgotten site just doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

The title of this thread should've been commemorative websites, or something akin to that, because now I'm going to talk about what I want to talk about: ogrish.com, the gone but still not forgotten shock site.

ogrish.com was the first site that allowed me to get my morbid fix with video. Sure, a certain other site is the more infamous of the two, but anything good on that site is in pictorial form. ogrish.com was, in my opinion, a good thing, as are the other shock sites that now allow me to watch bloody girl fights caught on shitty phonecams. Now, instead of heading over to the local high school to instigate fights, I can just watch them online. Not only do I win, but so do the innocent teenage girls who would've fought over my malicious and false rumors .