Funny Wrestling Quotes

[.]

"Last time I was in San Francisco I went downtown looking for a woman. You know what I mean, I wanted a woman. I couldn't find a woman. I found a lot of men that looked like women. Now you Hulk Hogan, you belong in San Francisco."

-Dr. David Schultz in a promo that came out wrong.

"Well, Mr. Dog, Mr. Ass. You two remind me of a deeply embedded booger right up my right nostril and my fingertip and it's nail are just a little too short to get to. But I dig and I dig, and finally I dig that booger and I get it in here and I roll it around and I flick it. Get ready to get flicked because tonight, Road Dog and Mr. Ass, you are the equivalent of mine and his boogers. Ohhhhh, What a Booger!

-Hawk

"Terry Funk! I smashed your leg into obligetory!".

- Shane Douglas -

"You know and I know, that you are only half the man that I am. And I have half the brain that you do."

-Sid

"This is where the big boys play? Look at the adjective... PLAY! We're not here to play!"

- Kevin "I flunked basic english" Nash -

when Triple H was on commentary with JR and the King as Chris Benoit stared at Triple H and walked to the ring.

JR: Jericho looking right at you Triple H.

Triple H: Yeah and Benoit is too.

"Pikachu stole the red and yellow colors, and that's what I call gimmick infringement on the highest order."

-Hulk Hogan

"Basketballs don't hold grudges."

-Batista

"Thaddeus Long is racist"

-JBL

"The only reason you were WWE champion for a year is because Triple H doesn't work Tuesdays"

-Paul Heyman(Pure pwnage)

''Umaga is a tree that roots keep him firmly on the ground where i are like those other kinds of trees that get up on their roots and run around on them like they are feet and see all the stuff all over the place''

-John Morrison-

 

[Kenny Powers]

This is the best video ever with awesome quotes by Kevin Nash, Alex Shelley and Paparazzi productions.

[YOUTUBE]chb8DjmjnCY[/YOUTUBE]​

 

[X]

From the 10/11/99 episode of Monday Night Raw, I heard this gem from Michael Cole whilst The Rock and the British Bulldog were having a match, and the Rock brought into the ring a large tray completely covered in dog turds.

DOG POOP! DOG POOP! DOG POOP! [Doing his best Jim Ross "Stone Cold!" impersonation]

Fucking. Classic.

 

[LitasRevenge79]

I loved that TLC match where Rhyno, Spike Dudley, and Lita all interfered. The classic was "Lita just jerked Edge off from that ladder!!" Can't remember who said that, but it was so vivid in my memory to this day!! I still love that quote!!

 

[Ferbian]

Now first of all, I have absolutely no hatred towards Canadians, but this one is just hilarious if you ask me.

Shawn Michaels, in 2005, during the feud with Hulk Hogan

"Oh Canada, how I hate this place... Oh Canada, I'm gonna kick Hulk Hogan, right in the face"

Boy did Shawn get heat that night, later on to have the audience singing "nanana heey goodbye" imagine the crowd if Shawn had retired in Montreal with that crowd

 

[#hamler]

"What a better time to kick a man then when he's down."
-JBL (on commentary)

 

[It's...Baylariat!]

Ric Flair just knee dropped the BEER CAN!

- Jim Ross

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

In memory of Chris Kanyon:
Kanyon: 'Who better than Kanyon?'

The Crowd: 'Everyone'.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

In memory of Chris Kanyon:
Kanyon: 'Who better than Kanyon?'

The Crowd: 'Everyone'.

You stole mine...

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Sorry Stinger. (I actually stole it from the RIP thread).

 

[X]

Jerry Lawler at Survivor Series 1999 while JR is struggling to get into a match after Stone Cold has been hit by an automobile.

[In a completely casual voice]Okay, so your best friend got run over by a car, come on, big deal. One can't dream forever. Let's get on with it, life goes on with it, you know. Get into this match, this is Grand Master SEXAY!

Just the way King said it...fuckin' classic. Classic King.

 

[X]

A follow up to my last post, this is about 10 minutes later during a Survivor Series elimination match right after Jeff Hardy has performed a 450 splash, something that hadn't been seen since Scorpio/Flash Funk.

Boy I'll tell ya...coming out here and you claim that Steve Austin's your best friend and you're getting all into this match, you're all excited, your talking about all these beautiful maneuvers. Where's your sympathy for your best friend JR?

God I miss a heel King. Bring him back. Please. FUCKING PLEASE WWE!

 

[klunderbunker]

"there are hundreds of thousands of fans here!"

Tony, Bash at the Beach 95. There MIGHT have been 10,000 people.

 

[X]

Lulz I could just live off of funny wrestling quotes from the 90s forever.

Another one from Survivor Series 1999:

Mankind gave Al Snow head last Thursday Night on Smackdown.

He did what? How dare you say that.

 

[Via Armbar]

Here he comes, Kane! That one eyed monster Kane!

-Jim Ross

 

[LitasRevenge79]

King to Cole during Divas Undressed
"You know how I feel about women like that?"
Cole- "How?"
King-"With my hands."

There were too many good ones on that. Then another one about Stacy was
King "I'd love to kiss her lips, then move up to her belly button." (something along those lines)

Paul Heyman, about Lita, during one of the Invasion matches "I like Lita, you know she and I have something in common, we both wear the same type of underwear. Little known fact."

 

[The Brain]

"I'm bi a lot of things, but lingual is not one of them." "Did I just say that out loud?"

Triple H King of the Ring '98