For Better.. or Worse..

[TheOneBigWill]

Okay, the general topic of discussion is Marriage and Family. I've been pondering this in my mind, what drives a person to get married. What makes you feel that you absolutely definately want to find yourself "tied" into a relationship with one individual, and noone else. What is the definition of "marriage" to you.

You see, I'm married and through better or worse it's had it's fair share of great moments and bad ones. Through everything we work things out and we continue to strive for a better relationship, if not the best relationship. Period.

However, what I'm truly wondering is this.. there are people in this world who actually don't want a Family. They don't want children. So would it be too out of line to ask why would they even bother getting married? I mean, isn't the objective of being married to spend your life, to dedicate your life to that one special "someone" but at the same time to create a new legacy in your life.. that being a Family of your own.

So if you don't want children, then why not just remain in a relationship? All marriage is through the proper channels is a piece of paper that changes your last name, and connects you through taxes. I mean obviously it's more for anyone who truly loves someone.. but in the end, that brings up the burning question of why does love mean you have to marry? Does that imply that if someone doesn't wish to marry, that they don't love their 'partner?' I don't believe so.

What I'm driving at is this. I love my Wife, and I believe I'd love her regardless of our status, but I'm happy knowing I'm married because I wanted a Family, and I don't believe I could have a Family without having that piece of paper (as simple as it sounds) connecting us as one.

A marriage to me is a bond that's tighter than a regular relationship, but at the same time maybe it's just through "old school" methods but I don't believe you could have the same type of "Family" if you weren't married and connected as one.

At the same time, if those out there don't wish to have Children, then what's their point of being married? Because regardless of a piece of paper, if they loved each other then I'd assume they'd remain together.

I don't know if I'm explaining this properly, and I feel like I'm a bit all over the place trying to get my point across, so I'll end it here and just ask everyone's opinions on the following subjects.

1. Marriage: What does it mean to you?

2. Children: Do you feel being married is the best way to go about having them?

3. The Ties That Bind: Where does 'love' factor into all of this? Does love "require" you to marry someone, or have a Family with them?

 

[HBK-aholic]

I don't think children are the reason you get married. I don't want kids, but I want to get married. They're 2 completely different things. Sure, usually people go on to have children, but they don't have to.

1. Marriage: What does it mean to you?

It's the ultimate commitment really. It shows how 100% commited you are to each other, and how you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. There isn't any reason for you to HAVE to get married, as you could be commited without it. But it is nice to have that for some people.

2. Children: Do you feel being married is the best way to go about having them?

Not really. I don't think it matters whether parents are married. At the end of the day all marriage is is a slip of paper, and changes nothing on your parenting skills. Some single parent families are better than families with married parents.

3. The Ties That Bind: Where does 'love' factor into all of this? Does love "require" you to marry someone, or have a Family with them?

Love doesn't mean you have to get married or have children. But I don't see why you'd do either with someone you didn't love and intend on being with for the rest of your life.

 

[Lee]

1. Marriage: What does it mean to you?

Marriage I think is a very special thing and should not be rushed into. It's a commitment for life, the line 'til death us do part' seems to be neglected quite a lot! Too often I've seen marriage rushed into and you just know in 5/10 years time they won't be together anymore. For example I had 4 sets of friends marry in the past month. 2 sets of those only knew each other within a year. To meet and marry in a year is ridiculous...I'd give it a good few.

2. Children: Do you feel being married is the best way to go about having them?

Yeah I do, you have that commitment for life, and I think personally for me, bringing kids up in that environment is the best. HOWEVER bringing kids up outside of marriage seems fine, and every marriage doesn't need kids.

3. The Ties That Bind: Where does 'love' factor into all of this? Does love "require" you to marry someone, or have a Family with them?

Love doesn't require you to marry someone, though marriage requires love. I personally don't see how you can have a family without love. As I always say regarding a relationship, looks attract but it's personality and ultimately love that will keep you together forever.

 

[jmt225]

1. Marriage: What does it mean to you?

Honestly dude, RIGHT NOW, nothing. It's sad too because today, every time someone I know gets married (which has been happening a lot recently), the first thing that hits my mind is that there's no way these two will last. Every single time. Not, "I'm happy for my friend or family member." It's, "This shit will never last." Typing this down, I feel kind of pathetic, but it's how my mind works for some reason.

It just seems like every one of my friends from school and every single family member around my age (I turn 23 in a couple of weeks) are all having children and getting married to someone who is not right for them, in my eyes. I really hope if (and this is a HUGE if) I ever make that kind of step in my life, it's with someone who I will spend the rest of my life with, but unfortunately, there's no optimism in that statement whatsoever.

2. Children: Do you feel being married is the best way to go about having them?

I guess. I know I don't want children unless I'm married to the person I’m having them with, if that ever happens. I'm sure as hell going to make sure I don't have any kids in the mean time. There won't be any "accidents" with me. I'm very cautious when it comes to that.

But, yes, I think it's better if a kid is brought into the World with a good, solid marriage at home waiting for them. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions out there that prove that statement to be false, but it's still how I feel.

3. The Ties That Bind: Where does 'love' factor into all of this? Does love "require" you to marry someone, or have a Family with them?

In my opinion, no. Love doesn't "require" anything except for you to make sure the person you love is happy. You don't need a stupid ring to fulfill that. However, if you want to start a family with the person you love, I think getting married first would be the way to go about it. At least, that’s how I would personally do it. I don’t want some stupid ass “Baby Mama”, who I hate, raising my children. I want a loving wife who I can trust and spend the rest of my life with to raise them. And for me to gain that trust, for some reason… her saying “I do” would play a role in that.

 

[chasingamy]

1. Marriage: What does it mean to you?

I grew up believing that marriage was the ultimate commitment between two people in love, the symbolic joining of soul mates, a formal public declaration of love. Deep down part of me will always want that fairytale version of marriage. But now that I’m older and presumably wiser (or maybe just jaded) I consider marriage little more than a legal bond between two parties. Today people marry for a variety of reasons, many of them financial, that have nothing to do with love.

2. Children: Do you feel being married is the best way to go about having them?

Married, no. A loving two-parent home, yes. The ideal situation would be for children to be raised in a home with two loving parents, regardless of their marital status. I consider myself to have had a great childhood and attribute that to having two warm, funny, loving, stable parents. Yet 20+ years together and my parents never married. The reason they never did? Both had been married before and those marriages were short, miserable, ugly experiences. So they didn’t want to jinx their relationship by getting married, lol. It worked for them as they’ve outlasted almost every other married couple I’ve known.

3. The Ties That Bind: Where does 'love' factor into all of this? Does love "require" you to marry someone, or have a Family with them?

Ideally, love should make you WANT to marry and have children but it shouldn’t pressure you into doing either. Love doesn’t require anything of you but to love and care for your partner. You can truly love someone and be totally devoted to them with or without marriage as my parents’ case shows. I think a lot of people get married due to pressure from family or friends because it’s expected after you’ve been dating/living together for a period of time. The same pressure from the in-laws to have grandchildren applies to starting a family.

So if you don't want children, then why not just remain in a relationship

Many couples get married and either know going in they cannot have children or they find that out after years of trying. Does that mean they shouldn't get married or divorce if they can't procreate? I'd imagine for those they don't want or can't have children they still love one another completely, want to make that ultimate commitment, and have their love celebrated and recognized through marriage.