Well my inability with roman numerals has caused me to vote for Seven when I should have clicked other to represent the only gem in the series... Final Fantasy Six.
With regards to the series; you could genetically fuse Osama Bin Laden, Michael Winner and The Grand Wizard of the KKK; then bring your monstrous creation over to England and have it rape and murder my mother... and I still probably wouldn't hold it in as much contempt as I do the Final Fantasy series.
In fairness; some of the earlier games were
not bad , 1-3 were nothing worth getting excited about, but generally inoffensive. FF5 had potential, but was rather killed by poor translation of already weak dialogue. 6 was a masterpiece, and I'll expand on that later.
7 and each game after it was were the series began to die. You see, 7 achieved such recognition that the console RPG market became inexorably linked with the final fantasy series. Other developers see the success of the Final Fantasy games (which have no requirement to be good any more, people buy them just because of the name), assume that that is what people want, and begin to tailor their own games around those lines. Just look at how many otherwise inoffensive RPGs (DDS for an example off the top of my head) have stated implementing sphere grid rip offs since FF10, despite the fact that anyone with any sense could tell that the sphere grid was a waste of time.
Now other console RPG companies structuring their work around Final Fantasy would not inherently be bad, were it not for the crux of my Final Fantasy loathing. Square, or more specify SquareEnix, ever since 6, have been tailoring there games more and more towards stupid people. One of the symptoms of this is a difficulty curve which would be unlikely to trouble a 94 year old grandmother in a hand powered wheelchair. Another is a plot with about as much room to introspection, and as many twists and turns, and one would find in... say... The Winnie the Pooh novels.
Unlike the Winnie the Pooh novels however; another way in which the modern Final Fantasy series endeavors to appeal to captain thicko is by cheapening the writing to a quality fit only for Christmas cracker jokes. The dialogue is the primary suffer of this, all of the characters sound ridicules and contrived, and the convocations sound like they were written by someone who's spend there entire life locked in a basement in Austria (thats the third time this week I've made off color jokes about that, I'm starting to worry myself) and has never had the benefit of human contact.
Now; when I come out on the internet, the biggest hot haven of Final Fantasy love and adoration, I tend to triggered a great deal of ballistic shit in my direction; so I'll swiftly throw out my metaphorical bile umbrella and say that there are some things the series does quite well. Admittedly with each passing iteration the number of these things gets smaller and smaller and Enix seeks to reduce the RPG market to the level where games can be based out by the average hobo and still make the cut, but there are some small gemstones in the crackerjack box of monotony left, and I'll be sure to mention them as I run the games down to try and convince you people than I'm not some kind of intellectually snobbish (true) Final Fantasy fascist (false).
Final Fantasy VI.
Final Fantasy 6 is a sad but clear example (almost as good a one as FF10, but for different reasons) that the vast majority of the games buying population care about style about a million times more than they do about quality. 6 was the last final fantasy which managed to retain some sense of difficulty; it was the only final fantasy to offer legitimate open ended game play. It was the only final fantasy that managed to create
multiple characters which I gave a shit about. It was also longer, better balanced, better written and had had a much bigger world with far more side quests that any of the games to come after it. Last but defiantly not least, it was the only Final Fantasy game EVER to introduce some semblance of character customization.
Yet, despite out performing the "RPG of RPGs" is virtually every area, Final Fantasy 6 is generally overlooked even by fans of the series and everyone seems to be under the foolhardy illusion that the franchise began with 7. The reason for this... the only reason, is that Final Fantasy 7 has attractive 3D graphics with explosions and cut scenes, which 6 was built what is essentially the RM2K3 engine. Fundamental proof that gamers value style over quality, information which Square had firmly in mind when they released,
Final Fantasy VII
Commonly awarded title such as "Greatest game of all time" FF7 is one that I content myself with titling "Most overrated RPG ever (I would have said game in general, but then God of War came out)" and leave it at that. Most of my distain for it stems from it being the first step in the destruction of the franchise (and console RPG market with it). Hatred put aside for a few minuets FF7 is by no means bad, it's just not as good as people (Most of whom I would expect have little RPG experience outside of the Final Fantasy series) seem to think it is.
The Plot: OK
The Game play: OK
The Writing: OK
The Difficulty: Near non existent, attempts to produce challenging boss fights fail (1 character Proud Clod is the only legitimately difficult fight.)
The Depth: Good.
So what is gains in length is looses in total lack of challenge. I personally didn't like the way they peppered it with mini games, but thats a minor matter of preference. 7 was everything an RPG should be and nothing more, but because of a convenient release time and an ability to middle out on such areas as 'intelligent story' or 'empatatic characters' to appeal to a large audience it somehow found its self with the reputation of being the kind of game Jesus would produce if he had taken game design as his major instead of woodwork. And square's next foray into the RPG market can best be descried to the causal player as "lets be like FF7 but with better graphics". Incidentally this was the entire logic which brought 7 into being, and much like in the creation of FF7, the logic fails entirely, leading to the creation of the abomination that was,
Final Fantasy VIII
Oh gods, the horror. Right, as far as difficulty goes, if you died
once in final fantasy 8 in a battle that wasn't to those giant dinosaurs at the beginning, to one of the option 'luck bosses' at the end, or during that stupid section where you have to suddenly edge yourself across a beam with no warning than you are a fucking moron. ... (No offence).
The miserable excuse for a materia engine meant that, by the half way point of disk one, Squall should be hitting 100% death on every non boss enemy he faces (an advantage which doesn't begin to fade until 2 disks later), and by the time that stops working you should have the bulk of your parties stats comprising of nothing by 9's. (Oh, and 255 for accuracy). Final Fantasy 8 is
so mind numbingly easy that I think I can say with absolute certainty that the card game (which I will admit to enjoying, although less so that the one in 9) is the most challenging aspect. FF8 seemed to think that the ideal length for a boss fight was about 2 rounds (one if you pulled Squall, Selphie or Zell's limit break. And once you work out the finer points of the junction system (which will take an able minded body about 20 minuets) the game turns into nothing more than an interactive story... which would be fine if the story was good, but it isn't. All of the characters are completely unbelievable and seem to undergo personality transplants from scene to scene, and there style of speech and way of reacting to one another never stays constant for 20 minuets at a time. Finally, add a complete removal of puzzles and side quests and you've got an RPG so bad that it actually manages to make its next edition look good. The next edition of course being the similarly bad (but less so and for different reasons),
Final Fantasy IX
Even if I plunder the very depths of my benevolent soul, the nicest thing I can find to say about Final Fantasy 9 is that it is, overall, better than 8. It was the first game since 6 to seriously distinguish between characters in battle, which I liked even if it did mean automatically using Zidane, Garnet and Vivi and Queena if you wanted the best out of your party (Balance if important Square; giving Salamander Throw does not put him on a par with Garnets Eidons or Queenas Big Guard and Frog Drop) Overall the difficulty and depth of the game have been wound up, mostly at the expense of the plot which contains more holes than a block of Swiss cheese which has been attacked with a Gatling gun, and of the characters, who, Garnet excluded (Best Final Fantasy female ever; including Terra), are all totally one dimensional, frequently lacking in motivation and
in the grand scheme of things, possessing a depth roughly equivocal to that of an empty bathtub.
9 was an improvement on 8, but only in the same way that having your throat cut is an improvement on being flayed alive. Overall, a non consequential blip on the radar of the franchise, and interestly enough, the last Final Fantasy game not I was able to play though to the finish, since the next installment was an international atrocity which made Final Fantasy 8 look like indisputable game of the year.
Final Fantasy X
I thin before I physically rip the entrails out of FFX I would e well served to give a little bit of back-story regarding myself, and my distaste for the series.
I am an intellectual snob. Im also a writer (as a side note Ill add that I force myself to write a few thousand words every day, which is the only reason this review is so bloody long). Any story driven game which fails to measure up to the level of
pulp teen literature, I will almost instantly write off as deliberately trying to appeal to the lowest common denominator, classify as a game for stupid people and dislike on principle. Therefore, the massive bashing Ive done of Final Fantasys 7 through to 9 is not, strictly speaking, very objective. There are a lot of people who enjoy those games a great deal, and in my kinder moments I will happily admit tat this enjoyment is a matter of preference and perfectly valid.
What I will not admit however is that anybody with at least a dozen fully functioning brain cells can possibly classify Final Fantasy 10 as being anything more that a colossal (Actually not colossal since the game is criminally short) pile of putrid elephant shit.
I compared 8 to an interactive story to emphasize its lack of difficulty, and given that Ive already used that metaphor once, Im forced to dig the very depths of the games market to convey exactly how challenging Final Fantasy 10 isnt.
Disney, in their infinite wisdom, once released a game involving Mickey Mouse and a broken mirror, and one of the interesting featured of the game was that, if you left the controller dormant for a few minuets, Mickey would actually start automatically completing the game on his own initiative. Final Fantasy 10 is one, very small, step above that game.
Basically I can summaries the game is one paragraph. Walk down a corridor; fight a battle, watch a poorly written and voiced cut scene, repeat. That it. Seriously, look at that map (which conveniently tells you exactly where to go next the entire time so the poor players dont have to risk using their brain) every single area, be it a town, a forest or a mountain range, is basically a twisting corridor that you run down. This, coupled with the fact that the game offers no challenge, about 4 puzzles, next to no sub quests leave you with a game that is literally nothing more than a sequence of cut scenes. To get an experience of what playing FF10 is like, go and buy that truly terrible Final Fantasy movie that got made (Theres going to be some idiot on here who thought advent children was good, so Ill limit my example to the first terribly Final Fantasy movie). Put the DVD in; and every time the scene changes, hit the pause button, sit starting at the TV for half an hour fiddling with the remote and possibly punch yourself in the face a couple of times.
Congratulations, youve just played Final Fantasy 10.
The story is just about the most clinically ******ed game plotline Ive ever come across, including Mario Sunshine. The charisma absorbing twat you are forced to play with gets randomly sucked into an alternate universe, panics for about 15 seconds and then starts acting as everything is totally normal and this is a daily occurrence. No grief for the thousands lost, no introspection or questioning his own sanity, just a shrug of the shoulders and a miraculous ability to wield a sword which he never questions. This is just one minor aspect of the plot which gets classified as fucking stupid, if you want to see a much bigger example I suggest you look at
every since aspect of the plat that I havent already mentioned. The entire thing manages to make the average TNA broadcast look like a Shakespearian thesis on the glory of plot continuity. Every character but Lulu made be want to reach through the screen and snap there necks for being so obnoxiously one dimensional, and the entirety of the dialogue is roughly equivocal to a convocation with the ALICE artificial engine (google it, its fun).
I could probably go on all day with this, but Im already over 10,000 characters and have probably managed to make an enemy for life of every Final Fantasy fan out there (I dont really think youre all fucking stupid, just misguided
) and I think its best to draw this tirade to a close.
I didnt play enough of the games which came after 10 to give an informed opinion, I played enough to confirm to myself that they were equally as bad, if not worse, than 10, and gave up on them then and there.
Thanks for reading; hope I managed to draw a couple of smiles whilst I was attacking all you your intelligence as human beings.
