Ever had to "come out"?

[Tiffy Lockhart]

As gay? As a fan of something? As a practitioner of some sorta fetish?

Just general stories of you having to reveal something you were keeping under wraps, whether by your choice or not.

Obviously from my signature I've at some point come out as a gay guy (I'm technically Bisexual, it's just easier to say gay since I vastly prefer men to women). I didn't have much of a choice in telling either of my parents. My mom got it out of me when I expressed a lot of ill feelings toward my dad for homophobic remarks he'd made, seemingly starting out of no where one day and lasting for several months. The line of questioning came down to the big one.

"Are you gay?" I couldn't lie so I told her the truth. She'd keep it under wraps until I was ready. That didn't happen, of course. At the time, when I was 16, I was speaking to someone online that I was "in love" with (in quotes because whatever I felt for him was not love), and he sent a text to a phone no one else was supposed to know the number to, it's contents leading my parents to discuss my sexuality. I'm sure my father resented me, because he was irritable with me for the better part of a year, only stopping after I bitched him out and told him to deal with the fact his son was homosexual. He's since accepted it and is friendly with my boyfriend, so at least it worked out.

Also, I have an equally out-of-my-control story of having to explain to my parents what being a "furry" meant. Easily the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I've said enough already.

 

[Infinity]

Wait, so you're Dad found out you were gay by reading a text from your love interest at the time??? If that's the case, that had to be rough. Especially at 16.

I used to work at a drag queen restaurant called "Lips" in The Village, which is basically the LGBT Mecca of the world here in NYC. Thing is, I'm not gay, but everyone there assumed I was... so I guess I once came out as straight, much to my co-workers disappointment. Best job I've ever had, though... & the most fun.

"Closet Wrestling Fan, Openly Gay"... that's awesome. It made me laugh, but I love it.

 

[Silly Willy Nilly Vanilly in the Milly]

I have yet to fully come out to this, but...
I have a 2-year-old daughter.
Yes, you read right, so don't question me.

Story begins when I was 14. This girl asked me out and we had started dating. About a couple of weeks in I found out she was only dating me to get her ex jealous. Over time, though, she let him go, as he had moved on, and she fell in love with me, this being about 2 months into our relationship.
Ordinarily, the guy pressures the girl to have sex. Other way around here. We were doing everything BUT actual intercourse, and she really wanted to. So one day, I fell into temptation and we did. Unprotected.
Come to find out she was pregnant later on. Her parents hit the roof and her dad punched me in the face. He still hates me to this day.
She would have the baby August 6th, 2010, a healthy baby girl who is now probably smarter than me.
About 3 months after my daughter was born, her mother was in a car accident and died. My daughter is now currently living with my then-gf's brother and his wife until I get out of college so I can properly take care of her.
I have told a few people in confidence, but I have yet to tell my parents. A bit scared about it, actually.

 

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

I have yet to fully come out to this, but...
I have a 2-year-old daughter.
Yes, you read right, so don't question me.

Story begins when I was 14. This girl asked me out and we had started dating. About a couple of weeks in I found out she was only dating me to get her ex jealous. Over time, though, she let him go, as he had moved on, and she fell in love with me, this being about 2 months into our relationship.
Ordinarily, the guy pressures the girl to have sex. Other way around here. We were doing everything BUT actual intercourse, and she really wanted to. So one day, I fell into temptation and we did. Unprotected.
Come to find out she was pregnant later on. Her parents hit the roof and her dad punched me in the face. He still hates me to this day.
She would have the baby August 6th, 2010, a healthy baby girl who is now probably smarter than me.
About 3 months after my daughter was born, her mother was in a car accident and died. My daughter is now currently living with my then-gf's brother and his wife until I get out of college so I can properly take care of her.
I have told a few people in confidence, but I have yet to tell my parents. A bit scared about it, actually.

Wow, that's rough. Try not to beat yourself up too much about the whole "fell into temptation" thing. People have sex, mostly because it's a human and perfectly natural impulse, and because it's awesome. It's creepy, and downright frustrating the stigma religion and modern culture puts on it to try to discourage our young people from it. Quite frankly, it leads to stories like this... The best of luck to you, and I can only imagine what you're going through. All I can say is that a child is truly always a blessing. You just have to be able to accept that, and embrace a hard situation for its beauty.

The closest I get to this story is that a crazy girl I was with when I was 15 tried convincing me she was pregnant. I broke up with her because, well because we were 15 and she wasn't overly attractive, wasn't all that smart, and didn't really do anything for me. It was a bad relationship, and I was only it because she was attention-starved and always wanted sex. It became really annoying. So I break up with her, and the next day she tells me she took a test and that she's pregnant. So we do the whole freak-out thing, and for three months I stay with her under that false assumption. Eventually she never showed, tried to convince me she mis-carried, and I called her on her bullshit. He friends told me the truth, and I haven't talked to her since. I hear she has 3 kids and never made it past the first year of community college.

I'm currently struggling with the idea of "coming out" as an agnostic. Possible atheist. It's the kind of thing that would disassociate me from most of my family, and my grandmother who I'm really close to just lost her husband of 40+ years. Soo.....I decided probably not the best time for her to weep over my godless soul.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Killam have you come out to your family about being a dirtsheet writer yet?

Coming out as non religious was the closest I have ever come. My family isn't exactly religious in the sense that they go to church every Sunday and pray before every meal and all that jazz but they are firm believers. So firm that my dad recently said he thinks anyone who believes in evolution is "fucking ******ed".....thanks dad.

I don't bring it up often. About two months ago a friend from high school had a brother who killed himself. My mom sent him this message on Facebook that he was in her prayers and that God would be with him. Well I told my mom he was an atheist and one thing lead to another and she broke down crying because I wouldn't get into heaven one day and see her again after she dies. So like I said I don't bring up religion often.

 

[Slice]

I've had to basically "come out" as a... well, non-atheist to a bunch of friends who are primarily atheists, much to their chagrin and mockery. One even stopped talking to me. It's super weird.

Usually I go the Linus route, though;

[youtube]47w3h8ljhxA[/youtube]

 

[LSN80]

Sort of....But it was for a class.

When I was in graduate school, I took a class called 'Multicultural Therapy.' The teacher of the course wasn't just teaching us how to understand different cultures, races, beliefs, and orientations, she had us live them, be it for an hour or a few days.

The best example of this was for us to walk in public showing affection of some kind with a person that was the opposite of our orientation. For straight men, such as myself, the assignment was to walk in public for 20 minutes(at least) together with another male, showing affection. The catch was, it couldn't be with someone else in the class, and it had to be around or in an area we were known. The assignment was completed when we wrote a paper about the experience.

For the women in my class, I found out quickly through conversation, it was much easier for them to find friends who willingly volunteered to complete the assignment with them. Men/ Not so much. My two closest friends in this world both laughed at me, thought I was joking, then resoundingly said no to my request that they 'help me' with the assignment.

So once I found a friend, I had to pick a venue. I worked at the time at a Ruby Tuesday's in the local mall in order to supplement my income while I attended school, and knew many of the people that worked at other stores in the mall due to them coming in to eat or drink after work. So I picked the mall, walking around slowly with my friend, holding hands. I got quite a few, quite hilariously, "What the hell?" remarks from people that knew me and knew I had a girlfriend at the time. I wasn't permitted to 'come clean' until after the time was up, so I just smiled and allowed people to come to the conclusions they chose. The best part was walking past my actual restaurant, where my girlfriend had met me several times following work for food or drinks, and seeing their faces and reactions. It was a lie we were telling, essentially, but we were 'coming out' all the same, in one of the most public of places.

I wonder how it would have been received if I had tried in church.

It was an eye-opening experience. Neither my friend nor myself felt ashamed at any point, and if he did, he didn't act it. The hardest part, essentially, became explaining what it was for and about to colleagues and friends that saw us, and their disbelief. Again, it mattered little, as I was ashamed of nothing, but some people simply didn't believe that I really hadn't 'switched teams', so to speak. I even was asked out by two different guys I knew that next week from work and at the mall(one apiece) that I didn't realize were gay. If they were being truthful and not just messing with me back, and I somehow helped in their "coming out" process, I'm proud of that for sure.

I still said no to both.

 

[cawsnallthis]

I love being a nonbeliever. It's hilarious. Just the concept of a group of people that believe in a big all powerful, all knowing being that lives in the sky feeling morally superior to the ones that think its an amazing crock of shit just makes me laugh my ass off. Throw in the fact that for the most part, the ones that don't believe are generally more tolerant of the ones that do and the ones that do believe and base their entire religion on the concept of forgiveness generally aren't even slightly tolerant of the ones that don't believe at all

 

[HBsam31]

The closest I ever came was telling my religious mother that I didn't really believe in God. She was stunned of course being that she raised me in such a church going way. She said my life would be empty and I would probably go to hell blah blah blah. It wasn't to big of a deal, and she got over it rather fast. I only posted that so I could say that coming out about that is nothing compared to what homosexuals must feel when they come out. I know my parents, especially my dad would have had a super hard time if that were the case with me. I would just like to say that I admire anyone that has the guts to do that, and it is a shame that it is still even an issue in this day and age. Great thread, and cudos to the people with the courage to live their lives the way they want to, despite what certain people might think.

 

[Slice]

I love being a nonbeliever. It's hilarious. Just the concept of a group of people that believe in a big all powerful, all knowing being that lives in the sky feeling morally superior to the ones that think its an amazing crock of shit just makes me laugh my ass off. Throw in the fact that for the most part, the ones that don't believe are generally more tolerant of the ones that do and the ones that do believe and base their entire religion on the concept of forgiveness generally aren't even slightly tolerant of the ones that don't believe at all

But wait, isn't that like saying "I hate people who hate things"? Like, saying you laugh at people that believe something you don't and then saying how they're wrong and then saying most people who don't believe are more tolerant? xD

But yeah, I imagine it must be hard for gay people but I think if there were any time in history for them to feel okay about it it would be now (so far). I doubt people are ever really going to be able to live in a group and be 100% okay with everyone else, it seems to be something that just doesn't work with the way society functions. Which is why I've often thought that it might be fun to go live off in the wilderness somewhere, or in a cabin or something.

 

[LSN80]

I love being a nonbeliever. It's hilarious. Just the concept of a group of people that believe in a big all powerful, all knowing being that lives in the sky, feeling morally superior to the ones that think its an amazing crock of shit just makes me laugh my ass off.

And this has to do with coming out of the closet on something how? Were you once one of those people who believed in an omnipotent, omniscient Being at one time, or had to tell devout believers that were family members or close to you that you no longer did? Because that's what this thread is about, not finding it 'funny' that you're a non-believer.

I'll give you this much though: I'm not a fan of those who make it their mission to act 'morally superior' to another human being because of a belief system. Specifically, a Christian-based one. Why? Because the Scripture that is claimed to be the Word, the Bible, has several case and point examples where it essentially shames the person who acts this way. Case in point, Isaigh 64:6:

'All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.'

In other words, simply doing good or even being morally superior to another person isn't enough, or what God is looking for.

Throw in the fact that for the most part, the ones that don't believe are generally more tolerant of the ones that do.

Where do you get this? Is it based on scientific research of some kind, or credible surveys? This statement couldn't be more speculative if you tried.

Further, you make a wonderful case for the 'tolerance of non-believers' when you find "hilarity" and "laugh your ass off" at those who believe in the aforementioned all-knowing, all-seeing God.

And let's not muddy the waters here. I've seen a paradigm shift in my own belief system over the past few years, and I've not been shunned or had one friend or family member look down on me, or shut me out of their life because they suddenly became better then I, lest you simply group me an 'intolerant believer'.

I just think your point of view is quite ignorant.

And the ones that do believe and base their entire religion on the concept of forgiveness generally aren't even slightly tolerant of the ones that don't believe at all.

Again, where do you get this from? Scientific studies? Research? Surveys? Or you experience with a small group of people?

You want tolerance from a certain group of people, but you're overtly critical and intolerant towards those same people. If you've been shown intolerance because of your lack of beliefs by those who do, I can understand the frustration and feelings that those people are being hypocritical. But wouldn't the best way, the tolerant way, in fact, be to show that you are unaffected by it, or to have a conversation with the people that have "wronged you", and explain why you choose to 'not believe' the way you do?

It's a delicate balance, a tight rope act, when dealing with 'coming out' regarding your beliefs, whether it be one way or another. It wouldn't be easy for the Christian family, I assume, to hear that their son has converted to Islam, and the penalty of the opposite could be much worse.

For me, everyone in my family essentially believes. I'm the closest thing to a 'skeptic' as you'll find, ranging from my parents to my wife. Me? I still believe in a lot of Christian principles and the like, but my faith wasn't what it was two years or even a year ago. Fortunately, my family and my wife understand my viewpoint. It may not be the easiest thing on them, but they respect the decision I've made regarding my lack of church attendance. I thought it would be a difficult thing, both with my parents and my wife, but I haven't lost any lunch invites with my family after they've gone to church on Sunday, nor has my wife withheld sex.

If the latter one happens, I might start going again.

 

[NegativeFeedback]

I came out as a teenager...

I graduated at 15 from High School and got into college at 16. I met this really hot girl and we hit it off immediately. I spent 6 months talking, flirting and hanging out with her until we finally went out on a date. Our first date was great and the rest was history... Problem was she didn't know about my age. I was 16 and she was 21. In the second term, she actually became 22. I decided to not tell her because I was going to scare her away.

She was very moral, and very religious, and I had gotten to know her enough to know she would not be okay with a 6-year age difference. After being together over a year,we were serious enough that I had to tell her. She was outraged when I told her and we didn't speak for about 2 days, but she admitted that the damage had been done. She loved me, and even though she probably wouldn't have gotten into the relationship at the beginning, she was stuck with me now. I apologized, but we just buried the topic. Her family had a harder time accepting it than she did, but eventually it all worked out. In fact, we're still together til this day.

I came out as a (non)-virgin...

When I was a freshman, I was kinda lucky that my first girlfriend was a borderline NYMPHOMANIAC. We did it all. Every entry her body had, every position she could bend to, every thing I could think of. I was 13 years old and having the time of my life. Then her parents found out, and there was this huge bullshit scandal, and we broke up and she changed schools. Til this day, she still blames me and hates my guts even though I never did anything wrong.

Well, anyway, point is that after that, I had rough rebounds with other girls until I got a girl pregnant. She had an abortion without telling me, and that made me freak out and make me want to get my shit together. I pretty much abstained for the rest of the year until I got into college.

I had a one night stand in first year, but other than that, I was pretty much determined on "conquering" the girl from #1. Anyway, we spoke for months before dating, but we never delved into our sex lives. She's religious so she was waiting for marriage, but she didn't necessarily expect me to. However, being a first-year, she assumed I was young, and because I hadn't dated anyone during the whole 1st-year, she just thought I was a virgin too. Once she told me in passing that we were both virgins, I had no idea how to react. I personally thought she must have had experience being 21 and all, but I guess I learned the full-force of her religiosity.

Anyway, I didn't tell her, even AFTER I told her about my age and AFTER we had sex. She eventually figured it out on her own due to me not being shy or inexperienced, etc. She asked me about it and I told her the truth and that drove her insane. Waiting for marriage was a big deal for her at the time, and she thought that God or whatever would make an exception because we would stay together forever.

She cried and argued and didn't trust me for a long time, but we got through it. In fact, it's hard to actually regret it... She told me that had she known I was experienced, she would have felt stronger about waiting for marriage, because I already had a taste or whatever.

(I still never told her the extent of my sex life though... That's just irrelevant.)

I came out as an atheist...

"Coming out" as an atheist doesn't make sense to me. To me, people should feel embarrassed to come out as religious instead. Why should anyone feel like they should hide the fact that I don't believe in sorcerers, magic and fairytales? Anyway, as I've already said, she was super religious, so I didn't tell her I was atheist until we were a few years together. I would go to church with her, eat the bread, say the prayers, and do it all to keep her happy. Eventually, I had to give a speech at a medical seminar, and I commented on how the concept of faith was antithetical to the scientific method. I went on a tangent on how most religious concepts would be debunked by science due to proof, but that didn't mean people shouldn't believe what they wanted to believe.

Anyway, she came up to me afterwards and told me that some of my speech was offensive and I just cleared up that I'm a man of science. And even though God's existence would be spectacular and how a a heavenly afterlife would be awesome, I can't believe in things just because it's convenient to believe in them. She actually broke up with me because of it, but we then got back together and she told me she could put up with it as long as "our kids" are raised catholic. I agreed...

It's been almost 10 years and I still haven't told her I don't want kids. Wait til she finds out about that one...