V
VinceRusso
Guest
Pyros explode in the Hammerstein Ballroom in front of a rabid crowd of old-skool ECW fanboys and we are here with a brand spankin' new million-dollar set for the new look ECW.
"No Chance In Hell" hits and Vince McMahon struts down to the ring with a mic in his hand. The crowd chants "you have AIDs".
Vince McMahon - Well, last week a lot changed in ECW. Big Show lost the belt and he's taking some time off to heal up old injuries. Bobby Lashley is the new ECW Champion. ECW is moving onwards and upwards but it needs a guiding force to lead it in the right direction. So, despite recent events, I've decided to turn power back over to ECW's old owner, someone who built up the ECW name and made it mean something. Ladies and gentlemen, you're new ECW General Manager...
Stephanie McMahon's music hits and she joins Daddy in the ring to a massive pop from the ECW faithful. A "Welcome Back" chant breaks out, and when it finally dies down, Steph speaks.
Steph - ECW is back and better than ever!! And right here, right now, we're gonna have a very special gauntlet match to determine the #1 Contender to ECW Champion Bobby Lashley!! And that ECW title match will take place LATER TONIGHT!!!!!!!
#1 CONTENDERSHIP GAUNTLET MATCH
The first entrant is CM Punk. He poses in the ring as the McMahons head backstage. The next entrant is....... KAMALA!! Kamala storms the ring and nails CM Punk with a vicious body slam, then locks him in a sleeper hold. The referee checks Punk's arm - he's out!!
Eliminated CM Punk
Sabu is next out. He sprints to the ring with a steel chair in his hand. He leaps over the top rope and dropkicks the chair into Kamala's face, and the ref calls for the bell!!! Sabu's been DQ'ed!!!!!!!
Eliminated Sabu
As Sabu argues with the referee, Kamala low blows him, picks up the steel chair and then cracks it down on Sabu's skull. The Sandman/B] is next out and attacks Kamala from behind with a Singapore Cane shot. The cane explodes over Kamala's head, Kamala completely no-sells it, then nails Sandman with a Spinebuster for the 1-2-3!!
Eliminated The Sandman
Tommy Dreamer then sprints out to the ring, charges at Kamala and gets destroyed with a sickeningly eXXXXtreme clothesline for the 1-2-3!!!!!!!
Eliminated Tommy Dreamer
Rob Van Dam is next out. He runs to the ring and then sprints at Kamala, who back body drops him straight over the top rope. RVD flies through the air and crashes straight through the announce table at ringside!! The referee counts RVD out and raises Kamala's hand in victory!!!!!!!!
Eliminated RVD
Tazz then stands up and grabs a mic.
Tazz - Yo, Kamala, you wanna tango, let's dance, biatch.
Kamala - RRRRRAAAARRRRGGHHHHHAAAAA!!!
Tazz slides into the ring, ducks a clothesline from Kamala and then slaps him in the Tazzmission!!! The ref checks Kamala's arm...... HE'S OUT COLD!!!!!!!
Eliminated Kamala
Tazz's music blasts through the Hammerstein Ballroom until Stephanie McMahon steps onto the stage holding a mic.
Stephanie McMahon - Hold on there Tazz, we have one more eXXXXtreme entrant.... the new face of ECW...... CHRISSSSS MASTERSSSSS!!
Masters slides into the ring and slaps a shocked Tazz in the Masterlock!!!!!!!!! Tazz squeals "I QUIT!!!1!111!!!!!!!" like a little girl and the ref calls for the bell.
Eliminated Tazz
Winner CHRIS MASTERS
The crowd break into a "HE'S HARDCORE!!!!" chant as Masters poses in the ring. Masters then joins Joey Styles at the commentary table for the rest of the night.
COMMERCIAL
BACKSTAGE:
Balls Mahoney is shown on hidden camera ******ing Shannon Moore.
THE GREAT KHALI vs STEVIE RICHARDS
Richards destroys Khali in under 0:30
Winner Stevie Richards
After the match, Davari annihilates Richards with a chair and Khali and Davari then crucify Richards.
Davari - Stephanie McMahon, you want eXXXXXtreme, check this shit out!!!
Khali places a barbed wire crown on Richard's head, but Davari taps him on the shoulder - he has a better idea. Davari pulls a ***** out of his pocket and Khali wraps the barbed wire crown around it, and the duo then proceed to......
COMMERICAL
BACKSTAGE
Stevie Richards is on a stretcher being loaded into an ambulance, babbling incoherently. When he's inside, it's revealed the ambulance is being driven by Shannon Moore and Balls Mahoney!!!
BACKSTAGE
Rob Van Dam and Sabu are sat smoking a spliff.
RVD - Dude...
Sabu - Yeah dude...
RVD - Woah...
Suddenly, CM Punk walks in.
CM Punk - Is that... is that pot?
RVD - Sure man, you wanna toke?
RVD hands CM Punk the spliff.
CM Punk - Woah man, the only thing I get high on is competition.
Stephanie McMahon walks in and clocks CM Punk holding the spliff.
Stephanie McMahon - DAAAAAADDDD!!!
Vince walks in.
Vince (to CM Punk) - YOU'RE FIRRRREEEDDDDDD!!!!
CM Punk shoves the spliff down Vince's throat. Vince falls to the floor, choking. Stephanie screams for help as CM Punk walks out.
COMMERCIAL
ECW TITLE
Bobby Lashley (c) vs Chris Masters
Lashley nails Masters with the Dominator the second the bell rings to start the match. He then makes the cover for the 1-2-NO!!!!! Khali and Davari are out at ringside, and have yanked the referee out of the ring. They then get into the ring, but Lashley destroys them with a double spear!!!! Masters then gets to his feet and Lashley nails him with another Dominator!!!! Stephanie McMahon runs out to make the count - 1-2-NO!!!!!! Steph flips Lashley the bird!!!!!! Lashley grabs Steph and is about to deliver the DOMINATOR when an ambulance comes careering down the entrance ramp and crashes into the ring!!!!! Lashley releases Steph and stares at the ambulance. Flames shoot out of the top of the ambulance and suddenly STEVIE RICHARDS emerges, followed by Mahoney and Moore. Mahoney and Moore then pin Lashley down in the middle of the ring, Stevie undoes his belt buckle, then proceeds to....
COMMERCIAL
As we return, the ringside area is in flames, and Lashley lies in the middle of the ring shaking and in tears as Stevie Richards high-fives Stephanie, Moore, Mahoney, Masters, Davari and Khali. CM PUNK then rolls out from under the ring holding a PISTOL and slides into the ring!!!! He points the pistol at Stephanie and grabs a mic.
CM PUNK - If I don't get my motherfucking job back I will blow every last motherfucking one of you motherfuckers away!!!
LASHLEY suddenly gets to his knees and LOW BLOWS CM PUNK!!!!! Punk drops the pistol, which Steph grabs. Stephanie then proceeds to brutally pistol whip Punk, leaving him a bloody mess on the canvas.
As the Stephanie's group of ne'er-do-wells celebrate in the ring, HARDCORE HOLLY and TEST sprint out with steel chairs and clear the ring!!!!
Test - We're taking ECW back for the ECW originals, and we're challenging Lashley and Masters to an eXXXXXtreme Rulezzzz T@g tE@m m@tCh on next week's show!!!!
Hardcore Holly - BITCH!
Stephanie McMahon - You're forgetting one thing...... YOU'RE FIRRRRRREDDDDDDDDD!!!!!
Vince McMahon then walks out onto the stage.
Vince McMahon - Stephanie.... Stephie..... Stephie poos..... chilllaxxxxx.... this is, like, this is.... what was I talking about? Yeah.... this is like..... eXXXtreme Championship, like, you know, Wrestling, and stuff.......... so next week........ it's gonna be a chillout week...... let's chill.
Suddenly, a masked man runs through the crowd, slides into the ring and grabs the pistol, then fires it at the stage, nailing Vince in the chest!!!!
Joey Styles - OHHHMYYYGODDDD!!!! Vince McMahon is DEAD!!!!
Fade to black.....
"No Chance In Hell" hits and Vince McMahon struts down to the ring with a mic in his hand. The crowd chants "you have AIDs".
Vince McMahon - Well, last week a lot changed in ECW. Big Show lost the belt and he's taking some time off to heal up old injuries. Bobby Lashley is the new ECW Champion. ECW is moving onwards and upwards but it needs a guiding force to lead it in the right direction. So, despite recent events, I've decided to turn power back over to ECW's old owner, someone who built up the ECW name and made it mean something. Ladies and gentlemen, you're new ECW General Manager...
Stephanie McMahon's music hits and she joins Daddy in the ring to a massive pop from the ECW faithful. A "Welcome Back" chant breaks out, and when it finally dies down, Steph speaks.
Steph - ECW is back and better than ever!! And right here, right now, we're gonna have a very special gauntlet match to determine the #1 Contender to ECW Champion Bobby Lashley!! And that ECW title match will take place LATER TONIGHT!!!!!!!
#1 CONTENDERSHIP GAUNTLET MATCH
The first entrant is CM Punk. He poses in the ring as the McMahons head backstage. The next entrant is....... KAMALA!! Kamala storms the ring and nails CM Punk with a vicious body slam, then locks him in a sleeper hold. The referee checks Punk's arm - he's out!!
Eliminated CM Punk
Sabu is next out. He sprints to the ring with a steel chair in his hand. He leaps over the top rope and dropkicks the chair into Kamala's face, and the ref calls for the bell!!! Sabu's been DQ'ed!!!!!!!
Eliminated Sabu
As Sabu argues with the referee, Kamala low blows him, picks up the steel chair and then cracks it down on Sabu's skull. The Sandman/B] is next out and attacks Kamala from behind with a Singapore Cane shot. The cane explodes over Kamala's head, Kamala completely no-sells it, then nails Sandman with a Spinebuster for the 1-2-3!!
Eliminated The Sandman
Tommy Dreamer then sprints out to the ring, charges at Kamala and gets destroyed with a sickeningly eXXXXtreme clothesline for the 1-2-3!!!!!!!
Eliminated Tommy Dreamer
Rob Van Dam is next out. He runs to the ring and then sprints at Kamala, who back body drops him straight over the top rope. RVD flies through the air and crashes straight through the announce table at ringside!! The referee counts RVD out and raises Kamala's hand in victory!!!!!!!!
Eliminated RVD
Tazz then stands up and grabs a mic.
Tazz - Yo, Kamala, you wanna tango, let's dance, biatch.
Kamala - RRRRRAAAARRRRGGHHHHHAAAAA!!!
Tazz slides into the ring, ducks a clothesline from Kamala and then slaps him in the Tazzmission!!! The ref checks Kamala's arm...... HE'S OUT COLD!!!!!!!
Eliminated Kamala
Tazz's music blasts through the Hammerstein Ballroom until Stephanie McMahon steps onto the stage holding a mic.
Stephanie McMahon - Hold on there Tazz, we have one more eXXXXtreme entrant.... the new face of ECW...... CHRISSSSS MASTERSSSSS!!
Masters slides into the ring and slaps a shocked Tazz in the Masterlock!!!!!!!!! Tazz squeals "I QUIT!!!1!111!!!!!!!" like a little girl and the ref calls for the bell.
Eliminated Tazz
Winner CHRIS MASTERS
The crowd break into a "HE'S HARDCORE!!!!" chant as Masters poses in the ring. Masters then joins Joey Styles at the commentary table for the rest of the night.
COMMERCIAL
BACKSTAGE:
Balls Mahoney is shown on hidden camera ******ing Shannon Moore.
THE GREAT KHALI vs STEVIE RICHARDS
Richards destroys Khali in under 0:30
Winner Stevie Richards
After the match, Davari annihilates Richards with a chair and Khali and Davari then crucify Richards.
Davari - Stephanie McMahon, you want eXXXXXtreme, check this shit out!!!
Khali places a barbed wire crown on Richard's head, but Davari taps him on the shoulder - he has a better idea. Davari pulls a ***** out of his pocket and Khali wraps the barbed wire crown around it, and the duo then proceed to......
COMMERICAL
BACKSTAGE
Stevie Richards is on a stretcher being loaded into an ambulance, babbling incoherently. When he's inside, it's revealed the ambulance is being driven by Shannon Moore and Balls Mahoney!!!
BACKSTAGE
Rob Van Dam and Sabu are sat smoking a spliff.
RVD - Dude...
Sabu - Yeah dude...
RVD - Woah...
Suddenly, CM Punk walks in.
CM Punk - Is that... is that pot?
RVD - Sure man, you wanna toke?
RVD hands CM Punk the spliff.
CM Punk - Woah man, the only thing I get high on is competition.
Stephanie McMahon walks in and clocks CM Punk holding the spliff.
Stephanie McMahon - DAAAAAADDDD!!!
Vince walks in.
Vince (to CM Punk) - YOU'RE FIRRRREEEDDDDDD!!!!
CM Punk shoves the spliff down Vince's throat. Vince falls to the floor, choking. Stephanie screams for help as CM Punk walks out.
COMMERCIAL
ECW TITLE
Bobby Lashley (c) vs Chris Masters
Lashley nails Masters with the Dominator the second the bell rings to start the match. He then makes the cover for the 1-2-NO!!!!! Khali and Davari are out at ringside, and have yanked the referee out of the ring. They then get into the ring, but Lashley destroys them with a double spear!!!! Masters then gets to his feet and Lashley nails him with another Dominator!!!! Stephanie McMahon runs out to make the count - 1-2-NO!!!!!! Steph flips Lashley the bird!!!!!! Lashley grabs Steph and is about to deliver the DOMINATOR when an ambulance comes careering down the entrance ramp and crashes into the ring!!!!! Lashley releases Steph and stares at the ambulance. Flames shoot out of the top of the ambulance and suddenly STEVIE RICHARDS emerges, followed by Mahoney and Moore. Mahoney and Moore then pin Lashley down in the middle of the ring, Stevie undoes his belt buckle, then proceeds to....
COMMERCIAL
As we return, the ringside area is in flames, and Lashley lies in the middle of the ring shaking and in tears as Stevie Richards high-fives Stephanie, Moore, Mahoney, Masters, Davari and Khali. CM PUNK then rolls out from under the ring holding a PISTOL and slides into the ring!!!! He points the pistol at Stephanie and grabs a mic.
CM PUNK - If I don't get my motherfucking job back I will blow every last motherfucking one of you motherfuckers away!!!
LASHLEY suddenly gets to his knees and LOW BLOWS CM PUNK!!!!! Punk drops the pistol, which Steph grabs. Stephanie then proceeds to brutally pistol whip Punk, leaving him a bloody mess on the canvas.
As the Stephanie's group of ne'er-do-wells celebrate in the ring, HARDCORE HOLLY and TEST sprint out with steel chairs and clear the ring!!!!
Test - We're taking ECW back for the ECW originals, and we're challenging Lashley and Masters to an eXXXXXtreme Rulezzzz T@g tE@m m@tCh on next week's show!!!!
Hardcore Holly - BITCH!
Stephanie McMahon - You're forgetting one thing...... YOU'RE FIRRRRRREDDDDDDDDD!!!!!
Vince McMahon then walks out onto the stage.
Vince McMahon - Stephanie.... Stephie..... Stephie poos..... chilllaxxxxx.... this is, like, this is.... what was I talking about? Yeah.... this is like..... eXXXtreme Championship, like, you know, Wrestling, and stuff.......... so next week........ it's gonna be a chillout week...... let's chill.
Suddenly, a masked man runs through the crowd, slides into the ring and grabs the pistol, then fires it at the stage, nailing Vince in the chest!!!!
Joey Styles - OHHHMYYYGODDDD!!!! Vince McMahon is DEAD!!!!
Fade to black.....
I hope we get some people to actually stick to it!!!