Sean Valjean
Lets Bitch About This Thing We Love
It's been some time since I've posted a review, what with the tourny going on and my increasingly busy schedule. But now that both are winding down a bit, I've decided to come back with not one but two reviews. Like the stars of the referenced film,these games couldn't be anymore different from each other. Unlike that film, however, these games are not colossal pieces of terrible. I just can't decide which one is Jean-Claude Van Dam and which is Dennis Rodman.
Developer: Platinum Games
Publisher: Sega
Platform: Wii
Release: March 10, 2009
One of the biggest complaints about the Wii from its detractors is its lack of mature games. Among a sea of wholesome family goodness and mediocre shovelware, there is very little to offer a gamer with an insatiable appetite for destruction, wising to use their Wiimotes to slice through someone's heart instead of as a golf club. Well look no further sickos, because Platinum Games (Bayonetta, Vanquish) have answered your call by bringing its signature brand of outrageous macabre to the clean, suburban neighborhood known as the Nintendo Wii.
Players assume the role of Jack, a combatant in a city-wide competition known as DeathWatch, pitting modern-day gladiators against each other in a variety of brutal challenges. Using your trusty (and awesome) retractable chainsaw arm, youll climb its ranks in order to uncover a plot full of unremarkable twist and revelations with an even less interesting cast, save for Jack himself. While the story is pretty lackluster, a compelling narrative isnt the reason you should sign up for the next match.
The arena-style battles take place in different areas of the city, ranging from Chinatown, Halloween-themed zone and even an Area-51-style stage complete with aliens and flying saucers. Youre given a score to achieve. The game has all the makings of a classic beat-em-up. Youll battle waves of enemies, use unconventional weaponry, battle outrageous bosses, and eat food found in questionable locations. The game is unapologetically violent but the brutality is offset by its comical delivery and over-the-top absurdity. Besides the aforementioned aliens, pissed off fire-eaters, ninjas, zombies, poser were-wolf dudes, and a giant drill wielding Psycho-Mantis look-a-likes on steroids are just a taste of what youll encounter.
Controlling Jackie boy feels a bit wonky at first, but youll get used to them in time. In addition to stringing combos together with your fist of fury, you can swing the remote while holding the B button slices opponents with your chainsaw while dodging just takes a flick of the nunchuck. There are a number of finishing moves, like rotating the Wiimote to spin your victim round and round and letting him fly, or launching them with an uppercut that would make Ed Boon proud.
The motion control is very responsive-almost any mistakes or misses were my fault. My only complaint is the camera. Other than re-centering it, you have zero control over it. More often than not, your worst enemy wont be the nutjob with the spiked bat, but the corner you blindly and awkwardly walked trapped yourself in. Be prepared to frantically run around in circles like an idiot trying to view everything around you.
A high score is determined by not only how many enemies you kill but how creatively you go about it. For instance, simply slicing enemies in half with your chainsaw or tossing them into a wall of spikes will get you buy. However, impaling them with a stop sign, shoving a barrel over their head and shooting them with a rocket launcher, sending them into a spinning plane turbine will result in a considerably higher score. As your kill score rises youll unlock new weapons, health packs and, eventually, the boss battle. Platinum did a great job of providing both freedom and variety in how you quench your blood thirst as every stage is filled to the brim with a number of deathtraps from spinning blades and wall spikes, to killer (and I mean that literally) roulette tables, spaceship tractor beams
About midway through a level youll unlock the Bloodbath Challenge, a timed minigame tasking you with completing a number of wacky goals. One has you using a golf club to knock enemys heads through moving rings. Another had me sending enemies in the path of a freakishly large hand that swept the area looking for poor souls to squeeze the life out of like human lemons. These challenges are great for racking up your score fairly quickly and are nice diversions from the normal action, but they start to repeat themselves in the later challenges. Disappointing, seeing how interesting each of them are, I wouldve liked to see the studio stretch that creativity further and have each level have their own, unique challenge associated with them.
The striking black and white comic book art style looks does a great job of masking the graphical limitations of the Wii and really helps give the game its own style and identity. Backing all of that up is a pretty awesome soundtrack, featuring a number of underground hip hop tunes that fit perfectly in each stage. The same consistency cant be said about the commentators though, as they boarder between hilarious and annoying and repeat lines more often than a school play dress rehearsal.
Despite the number of things you can do in this game, dont expect the fun to last long. To call the main campaign short would be an understatement-I managed to complete the entire game in less than three hours. You're free to replay a stage once you complete it for more points and the harder difficulty of the later stages (combined with the fact that losing all your lives results in having to replay the entire stage from the beginning) could increase your time with the game, but a few more arenas and game modes would have been nice.
Madworld serves as a great anti-thesis to the Wii library. Its crude, sadistic and an all-around ridiculous game that makes great use of the systems motion capabilities. Combine that with an attractive art direction and buckets full of entertaining stupidity (not to mention a cheap price tag) and youve got a game that even the most jaded Wii hater will respect.
Final Score: 8.5/10
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The cutest entity to ever grace a video game console, Kirby, has been cursed by an evil witch! Our globular friend has been transformed into a gumball-like version of himself. Its up to you and your stylus (or magic brush thing) to guide Kirby through some of Dream Worlds most treacherous locales.
Whats interesting about this game is that its played entirely with the stylus. Build bridges to cross gaps or upward ramps to launch Kirby over obstacles. Creative players will concoct more interesting methods such as loop de loops, half pipes, and more. Your paint bucket is not bottomless though, and will drain with excessive use, but will replenish itself after a few seconds break. Thus the challenge is balancing your creative spirit with efficient design and the ability to think ahead in order to get the most out of every magical drop.
Kirbys movements are controlled by tapping him, propelling him forward. The quicker you tap, the faster hell roll allowing him to bowl through enemies Sonic-style. Tapping on enemies will stun them for a moment, which is good as most of them can only be felled when paralyzed. Shields can be drawn to block incoming projectiles (the 8-year old in me once stopped an attack with a more phallic object). Boss battles require the same amount of ingenious to defeat, but will rarely give you much trouble save for maybe the final boss.
While the first few worlds are relatively easy and can be finished with a few simple brush strokes such as a standard bridge or ramp, the later levels force you to get a little more creative with the paths you make, creating a much more engrossing experience. The game is still a breeze to finish, but it did have my frantically slashing the touchscreen a few times. Other modes like time trials and jump challenge wont hold your attention past the five minute mark, but its good to have them regardless.
Kirby Canvas Curse is a fun, charming, whimsical adventure that makes great use of the DS hardware. Platforming fans looking for a unique spin on the genre should definitely take a look.
Final Score: 8.25/10
Developer: Platinum Games
Publisher: Sega
Platform: Wii
Release: March 10, 2009
One of the biggest complaints about the Wii from its detractors is its lack of mature games. Among a sea of wholesome family goodness and mediocre shovelware, there is very little to offer a gamer with an insatiable appetite for destruction, wising to use their Wiimotes to slice through someone's heart instead of as a golf club. Well look no further sickos, because Platinum Games (Bayonetta, Vanquish) have answered your call by bringing its signature brand of outrageous macabre to the clean, suburban neighborhood known as the Nintendo Wii.
Players assume the role of Jack, a combatant in a city-wide competition known as DeathWatch, pitting modern-day gladiators against each other in a variety of brutal challenges. Using your trusty (and awesome) retractable chainsaw arm, youll climb its ranks in order to uncover a plot full of unremarkable twist and revelations with an even less interesting cast, save for Jack himself. While the story is pretty lackluster, a compelling narrative isnt the reason you should sign up for the next match.
The arena-style battles take place in different areas of the city, ranging from Chinatown, Halloween-themed zone and even an Area-51-style stage complete with aliens and flying saucers. Youre given a score to achieve. The game has all the makings of a classic beat-em-up. Youll battle waves of enemies, use unconventional weaponry, battle outrageous bosses, and eat food found in questionable locations. The game is unapologetically violent but the brutality is offset by its comical delivery and over-the-top absurdity. Besides the aforementioned aliens, pissed off fire-eaters, ninjas, zombies, poser were-wolf dudes, and a giant drill wielding Psycho-Mantis look-a-likes on steroids are just a taste of what youll encounter.
Controlling Jackie boy feels a bit wonky at first, but youll get used to them in time. In addition to stringing combos together with your fist of fury, you can swing the remote while holding the B button slices opponents with your chainsaw while dodging just takes a flick of the nunchuck. There are a number of finishing moves, like rotating the Wiimote to spin your victim round and round and letting him fly, or launching them with an uppercut that would make Ed Boon proud.
The motion control is very responsive-almost any mistakes or misses were my fault. My only complaint is the camera. Other than re-centering it, you have zero control over it. More often than not, your worst enemy wont be the nutjob with the spiked bat, but the corner you blindly and awkwardly walked trapped yourself in. Be prepared to frantically run around in circles like an idiot trying to view everything around you.
A high score is determined by not only how many enemies you kill but how creatively you go about it. For instance, simply slicing enemies in half with your chainsaw or tossing them into a wall of spikes will get you buy. However, impaling them with a stop sign, shoving a barrel over their head and shooting them with a rocket launcher, sending them into a spinning plane turbine will result in a considerably higher score. As your kill score rises youll unlock new weapons, health packs and, eventually, the boss battle. Platinum did a great job of providing both freedom and variety in how you quench your blood thirst as every stage is filled to the brim with a number of deathtraps from spinning blades and wall spikes, to killer (and I mean that literally) roulette tables, spaceship tractor beams
About midway through a level youll unlock the Bloodbath Challenge, a timed minigame tasking you with completing a number of wacky goals. One has you using a golf club to knock enemys heads through moving rings. Another had me sending enemies in the path of a freakishly large hand that swept the area looking for poor souls to squeeze the life out of like human lemons. These challenges are great for racking up your score fairly quickly and are nice diversions from the normal action, but they start to repeat themselves in the later challenges. Disappointing, seeing how interesting each of them are, I wouldve liked to see the studio stretch that creativity further and have each level have their own, unique challenge associated with them.
The striking black and white comic book art style looks does a great job of masking the graphical limitations of the Wii and really helps give the game its own style and identity. Backing all of that up is a pretty awesome soundtrack, featuring a number of underground hip hop tunes that fit perfectly in each stage. The same consistency cant be said about the commentators though, as they boarder between hilarious and annoying and repeat lines more often than a school play dress rehearsal.
Despite the number of things you can do in this game, dont expect the fun to last long. To call the main campaign short would be an understatement-I managed to complete the entire game in less than three hours. You're free to replay a stage once you complete it for more points and the harder difficulty of the later stages (combined with the fact that losing all your lives results in having to replay the entire stage from the beginning) could increase your time with the game, but a few more arenas and game modes would have been nice.
Madworld serves as a great anti-thesis to the Wii library. Its crude, sadistic and an all-around ridiculous game that makes great use of the systems motion capabilities. Combine that with an attractive art direction and buckets full of entertaining stupidity (not to mention a cheap price tag) and youve got a game that even the most jaded Wii hater will respect.
Final Score: 8.5/10
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Now on the opposite side of the spectrum:
Developer: HAL Laboratory
Publisher: Nintendo
Platform: Nintendo DS
Release: June 13, 2005
Publisher: Nintendo
Platform: Nintendo DS
Release: June 13, 2005
The cutest entity to ever grace a video game console, Kirby, has been cursed by an evil witch! Our globular friend has been transformed into a gumball-like version of himself. Its up to you and your stylus (or magic brush thing) to guide Kirby through some of Dream Worlds most treacherous locales.
Whats interesting about this game is that its played entirely with the stylus. Build bridges to cross gaps or upward ramps to launch Kirby over obstacles. Creative players will concoct more interesting methods such as loop de loops, half pipes, and more. Your paint bucket is not bottomless though, and will drain with excessive use, but will replenish itself after a few seconds break. Thus the challenge is balancing your creative spirit with efficient design and the ability to think ahead in order to get the most out of every magical drop.
Kirbys movements are controlled by tapping him, propelling him forward. The quicker you tap, the faster hell roll allowing him to bowl through enemies Sonic-style. Tapping on enemies will stun them for a moment, which is good as most of them can only be felled when paralyzed. Shields can be drawn to block incoming projectiles (the 8-year old in me once stopped an attack with a more phallic object). Boss battles require the same amount of ingenious to defeat, but will rarely give you much trouble save for maybe the final boss.
While the first few worlds are relatively easy and can be finished with a few simple brush strokes such as a standard bridge or ramp, the later levels force you to get a little more creative with the paths you make, creating a much more engrossing experience. The game is still a breeze to finish, but it did have my frantically slashing the touchscreen a few times. Other modes like time trials and jump challenge wont hold your attention past the five minute mark, but its good to have them regardless.
Kirby Canvas Curse is a fun, charming, whimsical adventure that makes great use of the DS hardware. Platforming fans looking for a unique spin on the genre should definitely take a look.
Final Score: 8.25/10