No, they do not like the attention. Many are ashamed, and will do anything to hide their scars and bruises.
And if some do, it is because those victims aren't victims but the abuser, manipulating the situation.
A victim does not like attention. The abuser likes it; that is why s/he abuses.
In terms of your initial post, Jake, in regard to the closeness going away, the spark going away, the love going away and all that is left is the physical violence, [if I am reading and understanding that right, and I may not be] I am disturbed and frightened of such thoughts. If a relationship has reached such a level, then end it. If there is no abuse but the relationship lacks everything else, find someone else. It's the rational thing to do!
You sound jaded and scarred when it comes to relationships. You sound bitter and, indeed, as you say, unsympathetic. What is worse is that you sound like an abuser yourself. Not all women are the way your exes have been. Not all relationships end in heart-break or badly. And women do not deserve to be hit, even if they hit you -- the equality of the sexes is bullshit in regards to physicality. In most cases, the man is bigger and stronger than the woman, and can inflict far more damage even with a hand than she can with her hand. If she's got a knife, then, yes, watch out, run, shout, disarm as needed, etc. But what's a slap from a chick, seriously? It hurts the ego more than it hurts the part being hit.
And with abusive relationships (much like with all worldly problems) it is the ego that is the driving force and the problem. To an abuser, everything that the victim does is wrong. Regardless of the sex of the abuser, the victim is seen as worthless and pathetic -- the egoism of the abuser inflates and s/he thinks that s/he is far, far above the victim. Abuse is about control, power, insecurity. Often times the abuser was also a victim at one point, and seeks a way to lash out because all the pain has nowhere else to go after being kept inside so long. Of course it is also possible than the abuser is just an egomaniac and a sadist, but those cases are rare (though probably not as rare as they should be).
Abuse also manifests in many different forms in a relationship. Certainly physical, but there is also the emotional aspect. The abuser does not have to raise a hand to the victim and merely has to berate him/her enough so that the victim no longer likes him/herself and strives to please the abuser because that's the only way compliments will be gotten. The abuser likes the control -- over where the victim goes, who s/he speaks to, knowing where the victim is at all times, etc -- and likes the power. It's justifiable because the abuser sees him/herself as so high and mighty, and does not see the victim as a human being but rather as property.
When a relationship reaches this level, when one person no longer sees the other as a person, it is gone very, very wrong and should be stopped. The emotional damage is also what forces and causes many victims to remain in the abusive relationship -- the bleak hope that maybe the abuser will one day change.
It takes tremendous courage to leave an abuser, to end an abusive relationship -- to literally stand up and say 'No more!' into the face of someone who has zero issues with [possibly] taking a knife to 'your' throat or dangling 'your' children as a bargaining chip to keep 'you' in line. Victims are not victims, are not people to an abuser. They are (again) mere property, to be tossed aside at the will of the abuser.
Many victims hope that it will end and that this time will be the last -- it never is. Many victims live in fear, they have been "trained" to live that way, and for them life is utter hell. It's the never-coming hope of change, the empty promise of "I will never do it again, I swear," the need and dependence on the abuser -- the victim is often cut off from anyone else as a result of the control and power exercised that the abuser and that world is all the victim knows -- that keeps the victims there.
So, no -- they do not like the attention. Domestic violence is not glorified, it is ignored, and wrongly so. Friends may see the signs of abuse, but say nothing because it is taboo, because to interfere in the familial affairs of another is not "our place." And all the while, while you're trying to find the right words, your friend is trying to find a way to survive. It's deplorable how isolated we have become that we will not stop what can plainly be seen before and with our very eyes. Johnny hits a good point, that often times the abusers turn it around on the victim and get the law enforcement on their side through manipulation. Also, sometimes the domestic quarrel is ignored or written off, only for the consequences to come too late.
Many abusers, when they find out that the victim has rebelled, beat the victim within inches of life to remind them who is in control and what happens when s/he tries to get help, tries to get out of the relationship, tries to leave and end the nightmare. Would any of you have the courage to call 9-1-1 again after being chained in a basement for a month, tortured on a regular basis to within an inch of your life? Your logical, rational mind right now says 'Yes,' but until you've experienced it, or seen the results of such an act, do not be so quick to answer.
If any form of abuse shows in any relationship, that relationship must be terminated immediately. If a partner puts his/her hands on you when it's unwarranted, tell them to fuck themselves and leave them. No one deserves to be abused, regardless of gender. That's where equality of gender comes in -- in the right not to be hit, not in the right to hit back.
Both victim and abuser need serious, serious help. There is counseling available out there for both. It takes a lot of inner work to fix the problem, and it takes a lot of courage to own up to the fact that you've been victimized or that you're an abuser. A lot of courage. Often times the victims are just too exhausted from the abuse and too weak within themselves to reach out for help. But those that do often times go on to escape and find happiness and peace.
If this was posted for shock value, please get a better sense of humor. I doubt that it was, however. I urge you to get help from anyone you can, and look within yourself to try and work out the issues you've got that have lead you to post this (and the very fact that this post exists screams 'attention,' and is a telltale of the issues inside of you).
