Death, No Biggie

[Y 2 Jake]

As most people and they'd say the worst thing that could happen to them is probably the death of a loved one or themselves dying.

But I think people overreact to it. Sure it's upsetting. But you cry for a couple of weeks and get over it. Life moves on. But a lot of people don't.

I had a friend who died about two years ago, I was asked the other day if I missed him. I said no. He's dead and I'm over it. I was given some harsh looks. But you do get over it. If you didn't get over it then you'd be cying just as hard years later as the day it happened.

You talk about death on this forum, Eddie Guerrero for example, people overreact if you say anything negative about him. When really, nobody knew the guy. If you care about the death of somebody you don't know, then isn't there something wrong with you? You don't loose sleep when somebody shoots up a school.

So yeah, I'm rambling, do people overreact to death?

 

[The Mark of Zur-En-Arrh]

Having not had a close friend die on me i couldn't honestly say. I've felt the surprise and stomach churning realisation of someone's expiration, but never spent weeks on end crying over somebody being dead.

I tend to worry more about my own death. The thought of no longer existing shakes me to my core everytime i consider it. There's no avoiding it, but still i can't help but be afraid of the void.

I would rather exist in eternal suffering and torture, than never experience anything again.

 

[Fratelli]

You talk about death on this forum, Eddie Guerrero for example, people overreact if you say anything negative about him. When really, nobody knew the guy.

that is sooo true!

people seem to think that when someone dies, they instantly become a great person. it doesnt matter if you were a bully at school or in trouble with the police a lot, as soon as you unforunatly die you cant say a bad word against that person. now of corse i dont want to hear of anyone i know dying and i respect why some people dont like it when you bad mouth them (not that i do lol just an example) but if you were a bad person during your life, dying doesnt mean it never happened.
its hard to put that in words and i appologise but im sure you understand what i mean.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

A lad I went school with spent his final few moments alive speeding at 80 mph in a 30 zone outside a school. Actually, his final few moments were spent impacting into a metal fence. My opinion of ''Cunt shouldn't be speeding'' makes me a bad guy. When in fact he was a prick before he died. No loss as far as I'm concerned. If you're going to do somthing that could lead to your own death then you don't deserve any sympathy. The same applies to me and smoking.

I didn't like him anyway, but now he's dead and somebody brings him up I'm supposed to. Apparently I'm a bastard. But he was a bastard when he used to treat the geeks like shit.

 

[Tastycles]

I appreciate what your saying entirely. My girlfriend is from Bridgend and she knew the first one of the suicide people there. It turns out, the guy used to bully people and even punched my girlfriend, who's tiny and a girl, but obviously saying "I'm not arsed he killed himself" makes you the prick, when it really shouldn't, as is the case in your speeding anecdote.

That being said, death affects people in very different ways. My mum died when I was 9, and it's gotten to the point where I don't think about her all of the time. However, I suffer from a depression-esque thing that is characteristic of people who have mothers that die before they are 11. So, while I don't understand people mourning celebrities or caring about people they didn't like, I can see why people never get over the death of a loved one.

 

[Monkey_Mania]

I don't think you ever accept death. You're always going to have people die around you, and you are going to be sad about it. I think that in time though you do move on. The memories never go away, and they may bring emotion or they may not. Death is a big deal at the time, you just need time to get over it. In time it isnt such a big deal because you do inevitably move on.

 

[CKO]

i come from a huge family...my mom has 12 brothers and sisters, my dad has 4...so i have family everywhere. i can honestly say that i've been to more funerals than i have weddings, and that's pretty sad. i was 9 when my grandma died (mom's mom) and dont quite recall. but as i got older, i remember each and everyone vividly

the one that hit me the hardest was the death of my 13 year old cousin who died of cancer. i took it hard because he was so young with so much life to live...i ask why sometimes, i dont forget him. we talk about him from time to time. you dont forget..it's more like..you push it aside so you dont have to deal with it as much.

i still have my parents, but should have lost them years ago. i'm very very greatful to still have them. i've had grandparents, great grand parents, aunt's, uncle's, cousins and friends who have passed on thru the years. it gets easier and easier to deal with, but i see it like..the hardest is yet to come, which is my parents and my brother,my husband... i dont dawn on it or anything, but it will happen and i'm scared.

as for my own death, i dont sweat it. it will happen one day, and the way that is chosen for me to go, is the one i'll have to take. it's just sad how sometimes, bad things happen to good people. like..they have to suffer in their death with some sort of terrible desease, while the mean people die peacefully in their sleep or something...

that's not always the case. my mom always says that you dont get to leave this world until you pay back all the bad things you've done in your life...i'd like to think that.

 

[Fizzy]

People overreact to death, but it's completely understandable. You lose somebody close to you forever. Never going to see them again. I myself miss them, but I don't cry for years and years. Sure i'll think about them from time to time, but I don't dwell on it forever. Take when my great grandmother died. I was devastated. Completely freaking DEVASTATED at first. Then as time went on I stopped dwelling on it. Sure I miss the hell outta her, but I don't think about it 24/7

Now the Eddie situation, and the situation with your classmate I completely understand. The dude was being stupid. It's his fault he did it to himself. No sympathy is needed there. Eddie now, good wrestler, but before he died nobody saw him as Hall of Fame worthy, or even great. Now when he dies he is suddenly regarded as the greatest wrestler ever, and you get cursed at, and bitched at when even saying that. It's not right, because simply he would have never been given that praise when he was alive.

So yes I agree some overreact, but it is understandable especially when your really close to them. I even will admit I cried most nights after my great grandmother died, and now I realized I shouldn't of even though I missed her a shit ton. That's my thoughts on that.

 

[Richard]

I don't know if people over react, but it affects people in different ways and it also depends on the relation of the people who died.

My grandmother died when I was probably about 7 or 8 and I rarely think of her where as my mum's sister died 20 something years ago and it's not very common but my mum does get upset sometimes, although it's not often.

I think where people over react is when you say anything bad about someone who's dead. Like Jake said, he knew someone who was speeding and died, he shouldn't have been speeding, he died of his own actions, we shouldn't have sympathy for someone who knowingly risks their lives. I know someone who was shot in the face, he was in hospital and almost died and I said "That's what you get when you're dealing drugs with gangs" (It's what he was doing) and apparantly I was the bad guy...

 

[AnthonyMango/NoFate007]

Death is tricky. There are different levels to be experienced. When I lose someone close to me, I don't just "get over it" and think "oh well". That, to me, means you didn't care enough in the first place. But at the same time, there are people that just NEVER get better, and that's not healthy. If 10 years have gone by and a death affects you the same way it did the first day, then you've got a problem that you should seek help for.

Then there's the issue of not knowing the person. I don't know any dead celebrities personally. So why would I go apeshit over their death? Sure, I'm going to miss seeing certain celebrities perform, which will bum me out. And sometimes, you can really tell that a celebrity was a really good guy/girl, and its depressing that they're gone. But some people...come on. Harry Kalas just died. Does that suck? Yeah. The guy was a great commentator. But there are people around my area bawling their eyes out over it. Did you ever even shake the guy's hand, let alone know him personally? Nope. So while you might be a little upset that a great commentator died, you're overreacting. This spreads to non-celebrities as well. If I know you've recently lost someone, I'll offer my consolation in various ways. But don't expect me to cry over it for you if I didn't know the person.

And the issue where people deify the dead...man oh man, that pisses me off. A few years ago, we had 5 teenage death in this area, 4 of which were suicides. Doesn't happen often, so it was a "big deal". I can't criticize a few, as I didn't know the people, but I did know 2 of the kids well enough to be able to tell you their personalities. The one kid was held back 3 times because he was a complete idiot who put no effort into school and constantly got in trouble. He was a drug dealer, went to jail a few times, got into fights all the time, and supposedly raped a girl. He died because he jumped off the Walt Whitman or Benjamin Franklin bridge. I forget which. And he jumped because he was totally high, as they found ecstasy and weed in his car. You know what happens right after people find out? I literally heard some people saying "We'll miss you. God needed an angel, so he took you." You've got to be fuckin kidding me, after all the shit he's done. My response to his death? GOOD RIDDANCE. Now I don't have to worry about yet another drugged up violent asshole in the world. This other kid was essentially wasted space. Accomplished nothing. Had no personality. He was just a generic idiot with nothing impressive about him and a lackluster life. Type of kid you'd see sleeping in class yet standing outside the school for an hour and a half smoking a cigarette because he most likely was raised by parents that are just like him. So anyway, this kid dies because he's totally drunk, underage, and he's speeding on an EMPTY road and crashes into a tree. Again, some people start spitting out that he will be sorely missed and was taken before his time and all that crap. No, the moron led a pointless life and he proved it with an exclamation point by doing multiple stupid things at once. Again...good riddance. World doesn't have to support the welfare of a jackass who would've gone out of his way to have sex with some random girl, knock her up, and together they'd raise 2.5 duplicates of themselves to start the parenting cycle all over again. I have no clue why some people think that if someone dies, they become a better person than what they were beforehand.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

That being said, death affects people in very different ways. My mum died when I was 9, and it's gotten to the point where I don't think about her all of the time. However, I suffer from a depression-esque thing that is characteristic of people who have mothers that die before they are 11. So, while I don't understand people mourning celebrities or caring about people they didn't like, I can see why people never get over the death of a loved one.

My moum died when I was 14/15 and my dad died several years before. I'm over it. It shocks people when they ask me about them. I'll never cry over them again. As far as I'm concerned it's over and I've moved on. But I guess everybody is different. I'm aware I can be heartless sometimes. But if that's how I feel about my own parents if only natural I'm not going to understand people who take ages to recover.

 

[Jason Riptide]

I do not know about overreacting. People definitely fear it more than they should, and I think it's handled horribly. Death becomes this huge tragic event that is mourned as opposed to a celebration of one's life and what they've left behind.

People handle things differently though, so to say anyone overreacts to something like death is hard to say. It's so final, and rarely are we ever really faced with our mortality that way. Noone can appreciate death or understand exactly what it is on the other side or what it's like to not exist essentially, and I think being faced by this scares people as much as the loved one being gone. I think it's being put face to face with your own mortality in the face of death that can make it such a traumatic and awkward experience. Memories are also pretty good mind-screws.

Ive been lucky enough to have only had one person close to me pass. An ex-gf of mine was killed by a drunk driver in Nov of 07, and while I got over it relatively quickly (especially compared to her life long best friend, her parents, her sister, etc.), Im finding the farther removed from the event and the more and more girls I meet, the harder it is for me, and the more I miss her. Its a pretty lonely feeling going through life thinking the one person out there for you isn't anymore, ya know? It's not something that bothers me day to day, but on the right nights under the right circumstances, I can kind of just lose it. I almost felt when it happened that I under-reacted, and I'm reacting more and more to it the longer removed from it I am. I've found myself unable to move on yet. I think one day I'll get to the point where I can, but at the moment, it can still get to me.

So I don't know if people overreact. I think they just react. As long as the reaction is genuine I'm hesitant to call it an over-react, but if it's a facade or how they "think" they should be reacting it may fall into that category. Reactions to death are usually emotional or feeling based and for the most part, a lot of that is just a natural uncontrollable thing.

I guess that's my unpoetic and incompletely thought out opinion.

 

[Tastycles]

My moum died when I was 14/15 and my dad died several years before. I'm over it. It shocks people when they ask me about them. I'll never cry over them again. As far as I'm concerned it's over and I've moved on. But I guess everybody is different. I'm aware I can be heartless sometimes. But if that's how I feel about my own parents if only natural I'm not going to understand people who take ages to recover.

I'm over it too, in the sense that I don't cry over my mum's death. The problem for me isn't that my mum is dead, it's that nothing filled the gap. If I had have been the age you were, then i wouldn't have affected me as much. It's not heartless to think what you do, but you can't deny that it hasn't shaped the way you are, can you? Personally, it doesn't affect me day to day, but I am very apathetic towards people and don't really get attatched to anybody. It's not pleasant, but its something that happens to most people in my situation. Your mother died when you were older, so it hasn't had the same impact, but I'm sure if you really thought about it, you would realise that you'd be a different man had your parents survived, even if you wouldn't necessarily be a happier man.

 

[Azrael Cain]

There is a quote about death in a book I read recently: "...the death of anyone, good or bad, cut down one more tree in the life forest that shielded them from their own death. Their world had changed but they could not yet understand how."

I think that instead of fearing death, and worrying about it, one needs to respect and understand it best one can. I think it's difficult to say what is an over-reaction or under-reaction to death because it is considered to be this unfathomable, incomprehensible thing. And really, upon closer inspection, so is life. We know about life as much as we know about death -- nothing. We pretend we know, mind you, a pretend a lot and pretend well. But that is a different topic altogether.

I've had family members die that I wasn't there to say good-bye to; grandparents on my dad's side. My dad died when I was very young, and so I never got to know him. Several of my friends were hit by cars when I was a kid, gone forever from this world. I, myself, used to worry about my own death and wonder if I would die at the age of twenty-seven, like my dad did. And I slowly realized that a loss is a loss is a loss, know the person or not. The level of intimacy with the deceased is what initiates the reaction (like JR says, not necessarily over or under, just) and said reaction is whatever that it is: fear, sadness, uncaring, etc. Each person has his/her own understanding of death, and each person will come to grips (hopefully) with the issue of death on his/her own.

I do not worry when I die. We arrive in this world when we are meant to, we make the best choices that we can with the best information available, and we live our lives following that formula, interacting with others and making a difference in the world, rather large or small. No human being is insignificant, but some are unimaginably cruel and are assholes. That was their function. Having fulfilled it and impacted who they needed to, they died. (From a spiritual standpoint, I believe in reincarnation of the soul, but again, different conversation).

The physical (corporeal) is irrelevant, to some degree. Yes, the interactions are somewhat meaningful and what we do is important and has an impact and consequences, etc. But death is a natural process, as much as birth. Things come into existence and then they go out of existence. To make the event traumatic is only making things harder for the reactor... remember the people that are gone, if you must, or don't. The choice is yours. It does not impact them, but it impacts us -- and as egocentric beings, that is all we truly care about, even when someone else dies. Refer back to the quote at the top: a death just reminds us how fragile and precious life is. If that is your reaction, fine. If not, don't proceed to cast judgment onto those who don't share your pitying view.

That is not to say I would not be saddened at the loss of a friend or loved one, or even a stranger (like Eddie or Heath or even Chris Benoit). A loss is a loss is a loss. I cried when my grandparents died. Do I think about them daily and obsess? No. But their advice is with me, and I live my life trying to maintain myself as a grandson they could be proud of were they alive, if for the sake of making myself a slightly better person.

Death is death, like life is life. It's as big or as little as one chooses to make it.

 

[OIL]

Eddie now, good wrestler, but before he died nobody saw him as Hall of Fame worthy, or even great. Now when he dies he is suddenly regarded as the greatest wrestler ever, and you get cursed at, and bitched at when even saying that. It's not right, because simply he would have never been given that praise when he was alive.

I'll do the job of stepping in & defending him then, again. I'll admit, when people die they get over-hyped, a lot. Heath Ledger was amazing in The Dark Knight, but other than that I didn't think he was anything special, so I don't praise him for it. I'll praise him for TDK but that's it. Eddie deserved the praise, because I always saw him as an outstanding wrestler & entertainer. He was technically sound in the ring & his charisma was brilliant. He was funny and entertaining but put on good matches. You can't ask for more. I was a huge Eddie fan so y'know, but even so, he deserves the praise.

Anyway, relating to the topic, death is a big deal. I mean sure, there comes a time when you move on and such, but depending on who it was, it can leave a huge void in your life. If any of my family members were to pass away I know for a fact it would affect me, a lot. But, everyone is different.

 

[HBK-aholic]

It depends who it is. I can safely say there are about 4 people in my life I wouldn't be able to live without. If anything happened to them I doubt I could 'get over it' because they mean so much to me. If it was my daughter, it'd be even worse, I'd probably end up killing myself over it.

I'm not afraid of dying personally, because there's no point in it. As long as I knew the people I cared about would be okay, I'd be fine with it, it isn't something that phases me at all.

 

[Fizzy]

I'll do the job of stepping in & defending him then, again. I'll admit, when people die they get over-hyped, a lot. Heath Ledger was amazing in The Dark Knight, but other than that I didn't think he was anything special, so I don't praise him for it. I'll praise him for TDK but that's it. Eddie deserved the praise, because I always saw him as an outstanding wrestler & entertainer. He was technically sound in the ring & his charisma was brilliant. He was funny and entertaining but put on good matches. You can't ask for more. I was a huge Eddie fan so y'know, but even so, he deserves the praise.

Anyway, relating to the topic, death is a big deal. I mean sure, there comes a time when you move on and such, but depending on who it was, it can leave a huge void in your life. If any of my family members were to pass away I know for a fact it would affect me, a lot. But, everyone is different.

I never said Eddie wasn't good. I said he wasn't considered great. I liked him, thought he was a good wrestler, and great on the mic, but before he was dead he wasn't regarded as one of the greatest ever. Now since hes dead hes considered by many to be like the best ever. I just don't think that's accurate.

Something I forgot to add is there are 5 people I simply would not live without. Excluding family. They are the only people i'd cry for years and years over if they died. I'd simply hate my life without them.

 

[FromTheSouth]

I don't worry too much about my own death. It's not like I will be there to feel my pain. I know other people may be upset, but once again, there is nothing I can do.

I do worry about my parents. My dad has been ill for years, and I don't know if my mom can stand life without him. I worry about being of sound mind to handle everything that needs to be handled at that point.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

It's Human nature to be emotional over Death. It's because as Human's, we want to believe anything is overcomeable.. and yet death is the one thing that's not. It scares us, because we can't beat it and have literally no way around it. It's going to happen.

Now, as far as over-reacting to the death of others. It varies.

People go ape-shit over the death of celebrities. Princess Diana, for example. Holy crap. People in America were going ape-shit over her death, and be being the naive uncaring individual I am for anything un-American/Canadian related.. couldn't shed a single tear, because outside of feeling sorry she died at a young age.. it was something that just unfortunately happens.

Life goes on. And the funny thing is, the only person who should be upset about death.. is the person who dies. Because everyone else still has a life that's going on. And you can't very well put it on hold and stop, all because someone else died.

Now, on the flip side of this.. a loved one dying. Say, in personal example.. My Parents, my Wife, my Children. Would I be upset? Definitely. Would it be devastating? Absolutely! But would my life be over? No, unfortunately in some ways, not.

If I don't die, and my loved ones do.. their lives are over, not mine. I will miss them. I will cry, I will hurt, I will remember them forever and want them back every single day of my life there-after. BUT.. somewhere in my mind, after the initial reaction of their death(s) I'll have to come back to reality and know that MY LIFE is still continuing.. and as such, I either have to get up and continue.. or sit down and wait for death, myself.

Why? Because life doesn't stop for you to grieve. Life doesn't put a hold on everything, to wait for you to heal and get better, or move on. You just unfortunately have to keep going.

 

[Ptd]

I'll honestly admit, as much as I don't want to, I am scared of death. I am an Atheist so I believe there is no afterlife, and no knowing you were ever alive in the first place, essentially in the same state you were in prior to your birth. I accept the fact that death is present, natural, and certain to happen, but it just bothers me that it WILL happen to me one day, and I won't even know it. I suppose it's better not knowing, then just being complete nothingness but being able to think "Oh shit, I'm dead." I think about how it is going to be from time to time, and I don't know, but it really does just bother me.