Crazy shit your exes have caused

[Good Golly It's Ollie]

This always leads to some weird stories.

Mine's pretty tame and not that crazy but as the OP I have to go first:

So this one girl, I went out with her for about two months then called it off. It got way too emotional for what had been a short time.

This girl blogged about me for a full-on week after break up. I had people telling me I should read it but I didn't for ages because I felt freaked out. Anyway, my mate's missus read it and assumed it was about him (bear in mind that no names were used, but words implying strong feelings were.). This lead to a confusion of circumstances as my ex had somehow managed to only refer to events where me and this one mate of mine were present. His girl is running round like a blue-arsed fly trying to find out who this girl is (she didn't know really know her as we'd not been going out for very long at all) and it leads to mass hatred among my friends of my ex, but for reasons supposedly unrelated to me.

Hilarity/exasperation ensues.

What is the craziest thing an ex of yours has ever caused?

 

[DirtyJosé]

My ex had her friends over watching movies or something. I was trying to make a sandwich, so I told those ***** to turn that shit off. She went upstairs while I made my sandwich with mayonnaise. I went upstairs and ate it right in front of her. She was like "didn't you fix me anything" and I was like "of course not, bitch". She asked me if I'd go and make her something and I was like "bitch, naw", took my gun out and busted her in the side of the head with it.

 

[The Doctor]

I was dating this girl for a while, pretty hot, nice enough. She was a little distant and mysterious, but I think that attracted me to her more. Anyway, I'm in a band (a really shitty band) and we were playing a show at a local club. I invited her to come along to see the show. The moment I step in, this other girl who I was kinda-dating but kinda-not comes running along and plants one on me, right in front of the girl I was actually dating. Talk about awkward!

Anyway, here's where the story gets really weird. I excuse myself, not wanting to deal with the situation, and go backstage. The band that plays before us is really good, like really good, and the lead guy in our band is freaking out. So, I smack him across the face and we go onstage. Midway through our only good song, the ceiling explodes, and this Indian dude comes flying towards me. I block his shots and we get in this huge fight over my girlfriend and I beat him up and take all his money. Only $2.50, so not worth it.

So yeah everywhere I went she seemed to have dated someone so I beat up all her exes and made a shitload of money and she left me but we got back together and now we just kinda live day by day.

 

[Lee]

Well mine was from quite a well to do family, fancy castle and all. One time she sent me a letter inviting me to come to her castle for a cake she has baked for me. Cake being the calling sign for hot sex I thought fuck it why not. However, when I arrived I discovered that a fricking Dinosaur had invaded the castle and imprisoned her. Fortunately many of the castle's paintings were portals to other worlds. I explored the castle for these portals to enter the worlds and recover some stars or some shit.

After I defeated the dinosaur in the final battle, she was released from the stained-glass window above the castle's entrance. Bitch then rewarded me by kissing me and baking the cake that she had promised me. Turns out cake actually means cake and not hot wild sex.

Pissed off I was.

 

[Poop Master Flex]

For me it was easy.

So the story was I started dating this girl and hit it off really good, after a few nights we became official. During the month things were good for the most part but she would act really weird here and there. About a month after I got a text from her saying she wanted to break up, me being me I say OK although pissed because seriously who breaks up over text?

Next day I get another text saying "I'm pregnant", so I buy a test and sure enough she was and although I was packing there were a few times that things happened where I could see it could me mine (condom ripped shit happens). So I ask her what she wants to do and she says abort it so I was like ok, I'll do whatever you want since I fucked up so I wanted to do the right thing and just support her (even though we were split). So a week later she wants me to go to her ultrasound to see how far she is along (just in case you don't know you have to be pregnant a certain time before the operation can be performed). So we go, I wait in the waiting room and in the middle a nurse comes out saying she wants me to come back, so I do. Now onto the weird part.

So if you don't know Ultrasound machines are pretty cool and can show and tell you a lot of stuff, well this one told me she was pregnant 3 WEEKS before we even met, I talked to the nurse about how accurate they are and she says I've never seen it off by more than a few days. So finally she admits that on new years she was messing around with some random guy and found out she got pregnant before I met her.

But the craziest part is she called me a week after the abortion and starts freaking on me cuz she wasn't feeling good and it was all MY FAULT (even though it obviously wasn't). Even a few weeks ago she dropped me a message about it on Facebook doing the same thing.

So anyways thats mine.

 

[Good Golly It's Ollie]

My ex had her friends over watching movies or something. I was trying to make a sandwich, so I told those ***** to turn that shit off. She went upstairs while I made my sandwich with mayonnaise. I went upstairs and ate it right in front of her. She was like "didn't you fix me anything" and I was like "of course not, bitch". She asked me if I'd go and make her something and I was like "bitch, naw", took my gun out and busted her in the side of the head with it.

I was dating this girl for a while, pretty hot, nice enough. She was a little distant and mysterious, but I think that attracted me to her more. Anyway, I'm in a band (a really shitty band) and we were playing a show at a local club. I invited her to come along to see the show. The moment I step in, this other girl who I was kinda-dating but kinda-not comes running along and plants one on me, right in front of the girl I was actually dating. Talk about awkward!

Anyway, here's where the story gets really weird. I excuse myself, not wanting to deal with the situation, and go backstage. The band that plays before us is really good, like really good, and the lead guy in our band is freaking out. So, I smack him across the face and we go onstage. Midway through our only good song, the ceiling explodes, and this Indian dude comes flying towards me. I block his shots and we get in this huge fight over my girlfriend and I beat him up and take all his money. Only $2.50, so not worth it.

So yeah everywhere I went she seemed to have dated someone so I beat up all her exes and made a shitload of money and she left me but we got back together and now we just kinda live day by day.

Well mine was from quite a well to do family, fancy castle and all. One time she sent me a letter inviting me to come to her castle for a cake she has baked for me. Cake being the calling sign for hot sex I thought fuck it why not. However, when I arrived I discovered that a fricking Dinosaur had invaded the castle and imprisoned her. Fortunately many of the castle's paintings were portals to other worlds. I explored the castle for these portals to enter the worlds and recover some stars or some shit.

After I defeated the dinosaur in the final battle, she was released from the stained-glass window above the castle's entrance. Bitch then rewarded me by kissing me and baking the cake that she had promised me. Turns out cake actually means cake and not hot wild sex.

Pissed off I was.

Yeah way to outdo my story guys.

 

[ScreaminNormanSmiley]

This is the only time I have ever wanted Milenko to post.

 

[ScreaminNormanSmiley]

Also, herpes.

 

[¡Roján!]

About 3 years ago when I was 15 or so, I was going out with a chick who was sorta immature and very girly (like she wouldn't watch CSI because it scared her, and she'd stop making out with me because Drake and Josh was on, seriously )so, I decided to break it off. And, in typical movie-style fashion, she never quite got the idea of me telling her that it was over. So, the next day, I'm with the dudes, chilling and checkin' out the chicas and she comes sits on my lap and kisses me. I pushed her off me, and asked her WTF was going on. She said that she was just doing what we always do, before accusing me of being gay and having a small dick, right in front of all my friends, even though she'd never seen me naked. Lulz, she left school like 1 month later. Weirdo, bitches be crazy.

 

[The_Misson]

Mine is quite possibly the strangest one of them all. So this happened in the late 1940's I was roughly 25 years old at the time and began dating this lady named Debra. Now Debra was quite the nice lady 23 years of age and blonde We dated for roughly a year before she told me something rather strange. She told me she was allergic to (now here's the strange part) pizza. I was completely amazed by this and to be quite honest didn't really believe her. So, I did what any normal man would do. I force fed her 10 pieces of pizza which ended up killing her.

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

I had the worst stomach bug when I was dating my first serious girlfriend. It was like I was pissing out of my ass every ten seconds. The title of your thread has convinced me that she most definitely had something to do with it.

 

[BK Styles]

My ex bites the head off of her partner the first time they have sex. Fortunately for me, it was a threesome.

 

[Zeven_Zion]

I was with this bitch-on-wheels type of girl for about four months. Long story short she was constantly pissing me off, nagging, bitching, pulling invisible issues out of her ass - basically, she was being a woman.

Snap.

So I break up with her. Next day I'm walking around the halls of my Highschool with a couple of my friends. I see her, she does a bee-line toward me, I'm thinking she's looking for some shit and it's either a slap or a nut shot so I'm getting ready to dodge whichever. It was none of those. Instead she stops infront of me, pulls out a tiny little bottle filled with some red liquid and splashes it in my face. Some of it got in my mouth and it tasted like blood. Bitch walks away, I clean myself up, go back home and I have an e-mail.

An e-mail with an attatched image to it. The image of that crazy whackjob's cut up wrists. She literally carved "FUCK LOVE" on her skinny-ass arms, collected the blood and splashed it in my face. Don't know what the symbolism is and what it all meant but I learned my lesson - check if a bitch is a devil worshipper before you stick your mushroom tip in her fart box.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I was with this bitch-on-wheels type of girl for about four months. Long story short she was constantly pissing me off, nagging, bitching, pulling invisible issues out of her ass - basically, she was being a woman.

Snap.

So I break up with her. Next day I'm walking around the halls of my Highschool with a couple of my friends. I see her, she does a bee-line toward me, I'm thinking she's looking for some shit and it's either a slap or a nut shot so I'm getting ready to dodge whichever. It was none of those. Instead she stops infront of me, pulls out a tiny little bottle filled with some red liquid and splashes it in my face. Some of it got in my mouth and it tasted like blood. Bitch walks away, I clean myself up, go back home and I have an e-mail.

An e-mail with an attatched image to it. The image of that crazy whackjob's cut up wrists. She literally carved "FUCK LOVE" on her skinny-ass arms, collected the blood and splashed it in my face. Don't know what the symbolism is and what it all meant but I learned my lesson - check if a bitch is a devil worshipper before you stick your mushroom tip in her fart box.

I was expecting some thing like an email saying "Congratulations! You now have HIV."

 

[Freddy4190]

A woman's ass and a liquor glass..

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

I was with this bitch-on-wheels type of girl for about four months. Long story short she was constantly pissing me off, nagging, bitching, pulling invisible issues out of her ass - basically, she was being a woman.

Snap.

So I break up with her. Next day I'm walking around the halls of my Highschool with a couple of my friends. I see her, she does a bee-line toward me, I'm thinking she's looking for some shit and it's either a slap or a nut shot so I'm getting ready to dodge whichever. It was none of those. Instead she stops infront of me, pulls out a tiny little bottle filled with some red liquid and splashes it in my face. Some of it got in my mouth and it tasted like blood. Bitch walks away, I clean myself up, go back home and I have an e-mail.

An e-mail with an attatched image to it. The image of that crazy whackjob's cut up wrists. She literally carved "FUCK LOVE" on her skinny-ass arms, collected the blood and splashed it in my face. Don't know what the symbolism is and what it all meant but I learned my lesson - check if a bitch is a devil worshipper before you stick your mushroom tip in her fart box.

...Holy fucking shit.

 

[This Is My Name Thank You]

Let's see one caused me to think I was going to be a baby daddy at the age of 16. The girl I was with also decided to post a bunch of shit about me on myspace (no facebook at the time) and I had people wanting to fight me for I supposedly rapped her. I’m not that type of sick person. She was trying to have me arrested as I "ruined her life" and she was down grading me from all my friends. I said to her she could have got a condom and told me to use one or better yet keep her legs closed. Man, when my ma found it, it was WW47 at my house. War and battle along with fights I made my ex pee on a stick and she came up negative. Next day she had gotten her period. She tormented me and downgraded me and yeah, worse 3 weeks of my life.

For a long while I stayed clear of women until my other ex which is another story and isn't worth the talk.

 

[Pepe Silvia]

So rappers are sick people? Go fuck yourself

 

[Via Armbar]

So I break up with her. Next day I'm walking around the halls of my Highschool with a couple of my friends. I see her, she does a bee-line toward me, I'm thinking she's looking for some shit and it's either a slap or a nut shot so I'm getting ready to dodge whichever. It was none of those. Instead she stops infront of me, pulls out a tiny little bottle filled with some red liquid and splashes it in my face. Some of it got in my mouth and it tasted like blood. Bitch walks away, I clean myself up, go back home and I have an e-mail.

An e-mail with an attatched image to it. The image of that crazy whackjob's cut up wrists. She literally carved "FUCK LOVE" on her skinny-ass arms, collected the blood and splashed it in my face. Don't know what the symbolism is and what it all meant but I learned my lesson - check if a bitch is a devil worshipper before you stick your mushroom tip in her fart box.

Did you guys ever get back together?

I've been slapped plenty of times. My last ex (the crazy,stripper meth head) would message chicks I was strictly friends with on Myspace (this was a few years ago obviously) and threaten to stab them in the neck if they kept talking to me. This was before the meth mind you.

 

[D-Man]

I was dating this girl for a while, pretty hot, nice enough. She was a little distant and mysterious, but I think that attracted me to her more. Anyway, I'm in a band (a really shitty band) and we were playing a show at a local club. I invited her to come along to see the show. The moment I step in, this other girl who I was kinda-dating but kinda-not comes running along and plants one on me, right in front of the girl I was actually dating. Talk about awkward!

Anyway, here's where the story gets really weird. I excuse myself, not wanting to deal with the situation, and go backstage. The band that plays before us is really good, like really good, and the lead guy in our band is freaking out. So, I smack him across the face and we go onstage. Midway through our only good song, the ceiling explodes, and this Indian dude comes flying towards me. I block his shots and we get in this huge fight over my girlfriend and I beat him up and take all his money. Only $2.50, so not worth it.

So yeah everywhere I went she seemed to have dated someone so I beat up all her exes and made a shitload of money and she left me but we got back together and now we just kinda live day by day.

You actually had me going with this one for a bit and then I said to myself... "this sounds strangely familiar."

PS - Sex Bob-omb was the fucking shiznit.

 

[D-Man]

I was with this bitch-on-wheels type of girl for about four months. Long story short she was constantly pissing me off, nagging, bitching, pulling invisible issues out of her ass - basically, she was being a woman.

Snap.

So I break up with her. Next day I'm walking around the halls of my Highschool with a couple of my friends. I see her, she does a bee-line toward me, I'm thinking she's looking for some shit and it's either a slap or a nut shot so I'm getting ready to dodge whichever. It was none of those. Instead she stops infront of me, pulls out a tiny little bottle filled with some red liquid and splashes it in my face. Some of it got in my mouth and it tasted like blood. Bitch walks away, I clean myself up, go back home and I have an e-mail.

An e-mail with an attatched image to it. The image of that crazy whackjob's cut up wrists. She literally carved "FUCK LOVE" on her skinny-ass arms, collected the blood and splashed it in my face. Don't know what the symbolism is and what it all meant but I learned my lesson - check if a bitch is a devil worshipper before you stick your mushroom tip in her fart box.

I blame you for dating that psycho. You mean to tell me that a bitch who was THAT batshit crazy was still attractive to you? And if you tell me you didn't know how crazy she was while you were dating her I call bullshit. NO ONE is that fucking oblivious.

 

[Serious Mozzarella]

I was dating this girl for a while, pretty hot, nice enough. She was a little distant and mysterious, but I think that attracted me to her more. Anyway, I'm in a band (a really shitty band) and we were playing a show at a local club. I invited her to come along to see the show. The moment I step in, this other girl who I was kinda-dating but kinda-not comes running along and plants one on me, right in front of the girl I was actually dating. Talk about awkward!

Anyway, here's where the story gets really weird. I excuse myself, not wanting to deal with the situation, and go backstage. The band that plays before us is really good, like really good, and the lead guy in our band is freaking out. So, I smack him across the face and we go onstage. Midway through our only good song, the ceiling explodes, and this Indian dude comes flying towards me. I block his shots and we get in this huge fight over my girlfriend and I beat him up and take all his money. Only $2.50, so not worth it.

So yeah everywhere I went she seemed to have dated someone so I beat up all her exes and made a shitload of money and she left me but we got back together and now we just kinda live day by day.

Wow, man, that's a pretty awesome stWAIT A MINUTE...

 

[Hyorinmaru]

This is the only time I have ever wanted Milenko to post.

Thanks but all My ex did was treat me like shit and start bullshit rumors