Cena's Little Helper
Mid-Card Championship Winner
Warning: Facetiousness (Or An Attempt At It) Ensues
Yesterday, 11 December 2008, saw WWE part ways with the uber-talented and astoundingly underrated Eugene Alan Sni(t)sky. After the heart-stopping amazement I initially felt at hearing this news and the tearful despair I subsequently fell into, I am not afraid to admit, fellow forum members, that a significant amount of anger arose in me. However, I did not feel anger over the fact that WWE just fired the man who is destined to be the next Hogan, Austin, and Rock combined times eleventy billion. Rather, I felt anger over the fact that a certain Mr. Funaki is still employed with WWE.
Yes, I am talking about the one they now call Kung Fu Naki, the faux-mulleted Texas implant / jobbernaut who, as his headband and name clearly tell us, seems to think that Asia is a country rather than a continent. Yet, a feeling of hope quickly supplanted my anger as I came to the following realization: it is impossible for a professional wrestler of Funaki's status to have survived as many talent cuts as he has. At the same time, I also recalled something about the theoretical possibility of cockroaches surviving a nuclear winter. So, coupling Funaki's logic-defying tenure with WWE with my optimism in the credibility of science's hypothetical scenarios, I came to the conclusion that we should not seriously consider Funaki to be someone whose will and ability to survive is less than that of roaches.
So, to answer the question I posed in the header of this thread, I will say that yes, Funaki could survive a nuclear holocaust.
Yesterday, 11 December 2008, saw WWE part ways with the uber-talented and astoundingly underrated Eugene Alan Sni(t)sky. After the heart-stopping amazement I initially felt at hearing this news and the tearful despair I subsequently fell into, I am not afraid to admit, fellow forum members, that a significant amount of anger arose in me. However, I did not feel anger over the fact that WWE just fired the man who is destined to be the next Hogan, Austin, and Rock combined times eleventy billion. Rather, I felt anger over the fact that a certain Mr. Funaki is still employed with WWE.
Yes, I am talking about the one they now call Kung Fu Naki, the faux-mulleted Texas implant / jobbernaut who, as his headband and name clearly tell us, seems to think that Asia is a country rather than a continent. Yet, a feeling of hope quickly supplanted my anger as I came to the following realization: it is impossible for a professional wrestler of Funaki's status to have survived as many talent cuts as he has. At the same time, I also recalled something about the theoretical possibility of cockroaches surviving a nuclear winter. So, coupling Funaki's logic-defying tenure with WWE with my optimism in the credibility of science's hypothetical scenarios, I came to the conclusion that we should not seriously consider Funaki to be someone whose will and ability to survive is less than that of roaches.
So, to answer the question I posed in the header of this thread, I will say that yes, Funaki could survive a nuclear holocaust.