Best of the WWF Volume 13 with KB

klunderbunker

Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Best of the WWF Volume 13
Commentators: Craig DeGeorge, Bruno Sammartino, Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura, Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hayes, Bobby Heenan, Gene Okerlund

Yes I know I promised a PWG show and a Puro show next but I found this and I wanted to get it in as these are really hard to come by. After this barring finding something really rare it’ll be Wrestle Kingdom V. This appears to be from mid 87. Let’s get to it.

No intro here which is really odd and we go straight into our first match.

Hulk Hogan/Koko B. Ware vs. Honky Tonk Man/Kamala

Hmm I wonder what’s going to happen here. Hogan and Koko clear the wing to start while Hulk waves his arms like a bird. Honky is the new IC Champion here apparently. Hogan and Kamala start us off properly. This is a dark match so they’re a bit off. You can tell Hogan turned it on a bit more for the TV cameras which is expected. Off to Koko and Honky now. There’s a feud no one was asking for.

The camera keeps cutting around here and it’s really not a good thing. Koko destroys Honky for a bit just because he can. Off to Hogan who comes off the middle rope with a double axe. Hogan vs. Honky could have been a decent house show feud. Jake Roberts is at ringside suddenly and tries to get the snake on Honky. Kamala comes in and Koko has to start diving out of the way.

Kamala wants a test of strength so Koko tags Hogan in. Yes, a face in the 1980s just showed some common sense. I’m shocked too. Hogan goes for a damn half nelson of all things and Kamala runs from the snake in the corner. Ok to be fair there are three managers for the heels (Fuji, Hart, Kim Chee) so having Jake out there makes sense.

Hogan pulls a heel move and kicks Kamala in the gut instead of going for a test of strength. Off to Koko misses a dive and the heels take over. Off to Honky and his basic offense. Kamala gives the daintiest tag I have ever seen. That was damn amusing. His paint is coming off and I don’t think I ever remember seeing him like that. Armpit pinch of pain goes on by Kamala as Hogan tries to fire Koko up.

Kamala busts out a leap frog and then kicks Koko in the face. That was impressive. Honky gets a middle rope punch ala his cousin for two. Hogan gets a tag but the referee misses it. I love that move as it’s the easiest heat grabbing move in the world. It never stops working either.

Back to the rest hold for Kamala here as I think we all know what’s coming here. Honky tries to cheat so Hogan sprints (work with me here) over to drill him. Koko fights up and hits a dropkick to get some separation but Honky comes in to stop the tag. One of the most awkward middle rope elbows I’ve ever seen misses though and there’s the hot tag to get the crowd fired up. It’s a bunch of punches and the leg drop to Kamala to end it as you would expect.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t for everyone as it’s really just the same Hogan match that he had with five different partners around this time, but I think that’s part of the appeal to it. No one was looking for Midnights for Rock N Roll Express here and if you were you’re an idiot. This was a dark match to send the fans home happy. The faces were never in any danger and they weren’t supposed to be. The match was bad, but it did what it was supposed to and I can’t complain about that for the most part.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is about two months after Steamboat beat Savage for the title in Detroit and is perhaps the biggest upset and one of the biggest shocks in company history. Steamboat was untouchable at this time. See, one very important thing to remember about the title in this time frame is that title reigns were A LOT longer at this point. The title had been around for over 8 years here and there had been one title reign that went less than six months and only two had gone under seven months (Steamboat was the 11th champion). In other words, this title did not change hands often.

Honky jumps Steamboat almost immediately and throws him over the top. This is of course, REALLY DAMN STUPID, as Dragon skins the cat and sends Honky to the floor. Steambaot gets a suplex and takes over. Steamboat’s movements are absolutely perfect. Everything he does is incredibly crisp and he doesn’t take a break on a single move. Even something like a chop is perfect as he follows through on them and they look awesome. He’s someone that you need to watch every single motion of because they’re all great.

Anyway Steamboat gets sent into the buckle and here comes the challenger. The same awkward middle rope elbow as the first match misses and here comes the Dragon. He ducks low though and almost gets caught in the Shake Rattle and Roll. A top rope chop should put Honky away but Jimmy distracts the referee. Steamboat rolls Honky up but Honky grabs the ropes and gets a (weird as the first count was before Honky was on top and was probably the one for Steamboat’s cover) three count for the title and the shock of the decade.

Rating: C. The match itself is ok but it’s totally inconsequential. The point here is that Honky won the title and it was indeed shocking. This would be like Zach Ryder beating Kofi for the title. See, back then there were championship squashes. Today (February 3, 2011 if you’re reading this years later, my 23rd birthday for you KB trivia fans. Yes I’m reviewing on my birthday) Edge is the Smackdown champion and this would be like him defending against Heath Slater.

The thing is that today, everyone would expect there to be something up because when the title is defended on TV it’s either a huge showdown or something is about to happen. Back in the 80s, it was perfectly common for the IC or tag titles to be defended two or three times a month on TV.

They would usually be glorified squashes with random challengers that posed zero threat to the titles though, and that’s what you have here. This wasn’t some big hyped up showdown for the title. This was a typical title defense for Steamboat and more or less just another day at the office. That’s why this is so shocking and the biggest upset in the 1980s.

Honky would hold the title for nearly 15 months in one of the most brilliant booking runs in wrestling history. The idea was the same one over and over again: Honky was always the underdog and against far better competition but he would cheat to escape with the title. It wasn’t until Summerslam 88 (this was early June of 87) that the Ultimate Warrior of all people outsmarted Honky and beat him in thirty seconds to absolutely blow the roof off of Madison Square Garden and win the title.

That was the point to the whole story: Honky wasn’t a deserving champion and got a total of one pinfall (that anyone remembers) but kept the title forever anyway by cheating. People would pay money to see faces beat the fire out of Honky in the hopes that it HAD to end sometime. When it did, the payoff was perfection and is still one of the coolest moments ever. Like I said, he held it for fifteen months. Since then, the longest title reign is less than ten months. That record will NEVER be broken.

We even get a slow motion replay. Wow ok on with the tape as the massive history lesson is over.

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Debbie Combs

At MSG here and Combs is a random blonde chick. Back in the day there were a ton of girls that no one knew and no one cared about. She goes after Moolah to start us off. Back in this era just about every woman was trained by Moolah so the styles are more or less identical.

Moolah wastes a lot of time and pulls the hair a bit. This is painfully dull as there was no story or anything to these matches and more or less they just went out there and did moves to each other for about ten minutes a week and no one cared. We get a body scissors as this needs to end quickly. Moolah gets a shot with a foreign object and puts it in her mouth to hide from the referee.

This is so freaking boring that I’ve had to pause it a few times now. That’s not good when we’re 5 minutes into it. Oh look: we go to the floor AGAIN. This is one of those matches where there’s nothing to talk about in the slightest because Combs was just another girl to randomly challenge Moolah and would be replaced by another one next time. There were no stories, no angles, nothing at all that would make you want to watch these matches.

The New York fans get what’s going on and chant BORING at these girls. Monkey flip by Combs is the extent of her offense as Moolah just hits her and down she goes. Weakest axe handles ever put down Combs. Booing can be heard now amidst the boring chants. Boston Crab goes on but we go to the floor AGAIN. Combs slams her on the floor and it’s a fucking count out. Next match. NOW!

Rating: F. If you need an explanation as to why, go learn to read again because you fail.

Ok, what’s next? It HAS to be better than that terrible women’s match.

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Joyce Grable

Oh sweet damnation it’s an old bad women’s match! This is from the mid 70s I’d guess and please make it short! Moolah has black hair here so it could be a little confusing. This is your typical sloppy as hell women’s match that is just a way to fill in some time before Moolah retains. Moolah wastes time and gets kicked to the floor. Vince doesn’t know the challenger’s name.

Moolah misses a slingshot splash through the middle ropes and Grable gets two. In case you can’t tell, this is absolutely horrible. Moolah goes after the referee in confusion. Grable misses….something in the corner and Moolah takes over again. The mat seems a bit harder than usual. Grable gets a slam for two. Moolah reverses a slam into a rollup to win.

Rating: F. Again, this is the same problem as before but somehow even worse. There’s no story to this match and there’s nothing to either character. We have two girls having a match and it fills up five minutes. That’s all there is to it and it’s completely and utterly awful.

We get a clip from Saturday Night’s Main Event’s Halloween show. This involves Heenan as a weasel (raccoon according to him) and bobbing for apples.

On the same show, Roddy is getting ready for Halloween. This has to be the most cocaine induced sequence of all time. He’s making candy apples out of bowling balls and chocolate bars out of bricks. This involves lots of screaming, ranting and talking about giraffes. A kid is dressed as Hogan so Piper rips into him. Piper puts the bricks and bowling balls in their bags, ripping them apart. He steals their candy while ranting and yelling. The kids get the last laugh though as they were chocolate covered red peppers. This was hilarious and the kind of segment that needs to be brought back.

Demolition vs. The Islanders

Demolition is heel and the Islanders are face. This might be before Barry Darsow became Smash but I’m not sure. He and Randy Colley, the original Smash, split time for awhile so it’s hard to say. The Islanders are Haku and a very talented guy named Tama who never went anywhere. There’s a kid in the audience that looks terrified of Demolition. I think that’s Darsow but I’m honestly not sure.

Tama vs. Smash to start us off. The crowd is surprisingly quiet here in MSG. Smash overpowers Tama to start and walks into a double dropkick for his troubles. Axe hammers Haku so Haku beats the fire out of him to take over again. Very basic match so far to start as Haku works on the leg of Smash. This is before Mania III apparently. Tama is sent to the floor as Demolition takes over.

Gorilla and Heenan talk about how different Andre is. Gorilla says Andre has been a personal friend of his for years and Gorilla could talk to Andre whenever he wants. This goes nowhere but it’s kind of interesting either way. Axe drills Tama and sends him to the floor. There’s a huge gash in Tama’s back. That looks sick.

Hey look it’s more brawling on the floor. Smash locks on a bearhug to Tama to waste some time. This gets nowhere but Smash blocks a tag with a drop toehold of all things. There’s Haku finally. One footed dropkick takes down Smash. Superkick sets up a double Islander headbutt. Tama gets a cross body for two and it all breaks down. And there’s the Decapitator to end it.

Rating: D+. This was watchable but not much more than that. Tama is a guy I always liked as he’s not your typical Samoan. He could move pretty well out there and has a presence in the ring. Demolition had little chemistry at this point but that would come in time. Anyway, not much here but it’s not horrible.

Jim Powers/Paul Roma vs. The Islanders

Powers/Roma would eventually get the name The Young Stallions and become more or less the face jobbing team. The Islanders are now heel as this is about three months later. Still in the Garden here. The beginning of this is clipped to Roma having an armbar on Tama. Oh and Heenan is managing the Islanders now. Haku’s athleticism is underrated badly. Headbutt misses and here comes Roma.

And never mind as Tama trips him from the floor and it’s back to the Islanders. Sunset flip gets Roma hit in the face for his troubles. Off to the nerve hold which Monsoon says is effective due to the martial arts background or something like that. Roma is destroyed for a good while here as we’re filling in time for the most part. Jumping back elbow by Tama gets two.

Superkick by Haku gets two as well. Roma gets a jawbreaker to break the momentum but can’t make the tag. Haku misses a front flip splash and there’s the tag finally. Powers cleans house but somehow messes up a backdrop. Tama landed on Powers’ feet if that makes sense. Anyway it breaks down again and a backbreaker by Haku sets up a top rope splash to end Powers.

Rating: D. Pretty weak match here with Powers being in there a minute combined. Granted the clipping likely had something to do with that. Anyway, weak match from two teams that never really were anything special. I’d like to see more of Tama, but that simply didn’t happen.

Bret Hart vs. Raymond Rougeau

Ok this has to be good right? This is from 1986 so they’re both kind of new to the company. Bret is sent to the floor early on and pouts. We’re still in the Garden here. Gene and Gorilla talk about a bet between these two on the Stanley Cup Finals. That might be Nick Patrick as referee in there which wouldn’t be completely unheard of at this time.

Hart is sent to the floor again and the stall is on. Bret gets stomped in the face for his troubles and has a busted eye. Damn Raymond looks like his brother here. I usually can tell them apart easily but here it’s not that easy. Gorilla says Stu needs to take his son down in the Dungeon and teach him some respect. Chinlock by Bret as this is nowhere near as good as you could expect.

There’s the boring chant. Bret was incredibly hit or miss. He could have great matches but when he didn’t want to go out there, sweet damn he was boring as hell. Now we talk about Hogan vs. Orndorff for a bit to waste some time. Rougeau slaps away a lot as this is rather boring. Dropkick gets two for Raymond as does a Piledriver. And then we go to the corner and Bret puts his feet on the ropes to end it.

Rating: D+. How could Bret Hart vs. a Rougeau be boring??? These matches so far have taken forever and none of it has been interesting for the most part. Bret was about to start clicking with Anvil but here he wasn’t much at all. The singles stuff would come, but damn this was pretty weak.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Tito Santana

This is in 86 I think and is at a Superstars taping. And we have no commentary. Ok then. Savage stalls to start here as we have four empty chairs about eight rows deep. Savage stalls for the third time already as we’re totally wasting time here. WHOA! A HEADLOCK! Off to an armbar by the challenger (Tito if you’re unsure) and Savage hits the floor again. There’s still #5. Tito is finally like a infierno con este and the brawl is on the floor.

Tito takes over and hits an atomic drop in the ring as Savage is trying to run. Using the tights, Savage sends Tito into the corner face first as we’re pretty clearly just going through the motions here. Double axe puts Tito down again. Sunset flip gets two and a big pop for Tito. Back to the floor since we haven’t been there in about 45 seconds. Another double axe and Tito is in trouble.

At least the crowd is into this match. Back in the ring Savage’s third axe handle gets blocked and we go to the floor AGAIN. Savage eats railing and we’re back in the ring. Middle rope elbow has Savage in trouble. Figure Four is reversed twice and we go to the floor for literally the sixth time in six minutes. Savage hides behind Liz and decks Tito, allowing him to beat the count back in.

Rating: F. Oh come on man. Even with these two, two of my all time favorites, they couldn’t put together something interesting. What’s worse is I know they can have good matches. I’ve seen them have good matches. This was….I have no idea what it was. It was horribly boring. There, that’s what it was.

Overall Rating: D+. This tape is like a walking definition of a mixed bag. Some stuff on it is ok, some stuff is awful, some stuff is historic (ok one match) and some stuff is hilarious (ok one segment). That being said, this is more bad than good which means a lower grade. The mixed bag thing is very appropriate though as it seems like they just reached into a bag of matches and pulled out about 8 and made this with them. Not very good but I’ve seen much worse.
 

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