Bad Films You Love

[Y 2 Jake]

This gave me the inspiration for this thread.

Stolen Off Empire Online:I was watching some late night TV the other night…OK, it was only about 9.30pm, but I’m getting on now, so that’s pretty much past my bedtime. Anyway, I stumbled across Van Helsing on my channel flicking travails and, despite an initial snort of derision, found myself unable to leave.

When this was released at the cinema, I left the press screening with some churning emotion made of the worst parts of disappointment, resentment and too much popcorn. I couldn’t stand the thing. It was a horribly missed opportunity, one of the worst films of the year and a further reason to kick Stephen Sommers in the soft parts should our paths ever cross. But on second viewing I realised that it is in fact…AWESOME.

What is not to love? You have some Transylvanian accents that skirt the darker depths of Bulgaria, Kazakhstan and Cleethorpes; a Frankenstein’s monster who looks like Mama Fratelli after an hour in a pressure cooker; Kate Beckinsale in impractically comely outfits that suggest she might be going to a Halloween party dressed as both members of Heart; Richard Roxburgh, as Dracula, devouring great lumps of scenery without needing to engage that expandable jaw; Will Kemp giving absolute commitment to quite possibly the worst werewolf transformation committed to film; Hugh Jackman wearing Courtney Cox’s hair; and – as a cherry on the cake – some gas masked midgets on fire. It’s glorious. The entire film is worth watching just for the moment when Roxburgh coughs out the line: “I am…HOLLOW”.

What I clearly failed to do was appreciate this movie for what it was: a brilliant bad film, that rare treat that gets so many things wrong and with such enthusiasm that you can’t help but love the hell out of it. So, it will now join Killing Me Softly, The Master of Disguise (his name’s Pistachio Disguisey!) and Batman and Robin on the pile of films that I will inevitably pick up when either hungover or supposed to be watching something by Jane Campion or someone equally Oscar-nominated but dull.

Which bad movie’s do you love to love? Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s just coming up to the bit where David Wenham gets chased across a bridge by a cattle prod-wielding Igor, and I really don’t want to miss that.

I love Mallrats. But While I love It I'm also awar that it's complete shite. It's terrible. The jokes are lame. This is a film by Kevin Smith. His previous film was Clerks. Full of wit. But Mallrats is just a lame gross out comedy. And yet I find it endlessly quotable.

Same with A Night At The Roxbury. Awful. You wont be able to find a review from a credible films magazine that gives it more than 2 stars. But I adore it. Best Will Farrell movie ever. Better than Anchorman, Talladega Nights, anything he's ever done. And he's only like the third best thing in it.

 

[X]

I'm quite the conniseur of terrible, terrible, terrible films.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space ring a bell to anyone? Utter and total shit, yet the best movie possibly ever.

I'm a huge Troma fan too....if you've ever seen a Troma film, then you are probably aware that these films were made on a 3 dollar budget and feature some of the absolute worst dialogue, writing, and everything ever.

But they brought us such classics that have high spots on my DVD shelf as the Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke Em High, Redneck Zombies, and Rabid Grannies! How can you not fuckin' love that?

Jake, one day we will get belligerently drunk and watch these terrible, terrible, terrible films.

Oh and Kevin Smith rocks. Except for Jersey Girl. That was so bad that not even I could enjoy it.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Killer Klowns is awesome. Why don't they release this shit on DVD over here? My video is fucked. The genius is that the Killer Klows turn people into candy floss. You can't make this shit up. It's awesome.

What I like best about the Toxic Avenger? Child killing. It always makes a movie 10% better. Not nearly enough child killing in movies these days. Still a taboo for some reason. Child killing in comedy form. Brilliant.

Ever seen Surf Nazi's Must Die xfear?

 

[Freedom 35]

Same with A Night At The Roxbury. Awful. You wont be able to find a review from a credible films magazine that gives it more than 2 stars. But I adore it. Best Will Farrell movie ever. Better than Anchorman, Talladega Nights, anything he's ever done. And he's only like the third best thing in it.

easily one of my favorite movies, cant tell you whats great about it but I love that movie too. Entertains the shit out of me I love Will Farrells and the other guys characters (cant remember the name) and the sideways head nod to "what is love" is potentially the best moment in movie history. Poorly reviewed but number 1 in our hearts

 

[Kasey]

My top shitty movies? That's a definite toughie...but here we go...

Berry Gordy's "The Last Dragon"
This movie is so quotable it defies belief. I have to bust out some Sho 'Nuff lines at least once a week, if not more. The film itself is an exercise in horrible eighties pop culture and dogshit writing for the most part, but it does have some killer eighties R & B (note the sarcasm as the music is a VERY guilty pleasure...I have the soundtrack) and some decent fight scenes including one with a young Ernie Reyes Jr. Comprehensively, the film is a horrible mess, but I have to spin the damn thing every so often to brush up on my quotes.

Flash Gordon
The acting in some scenes is the best thing this side of a Ron Jeremy movie, but where the acting fails...the shitty special effects pick up the slack! Definitely quotable (especially Vultan, the leader of the Hawkmen) and always having some cool action scenes. The one saving grace of the film is that there are a small handful of actors who bail the schlockfest out of Roger Corman territory. Brian Blessed as Vultan. Topol as Hans Zarkov. Finally? Max Von Sydow as Ming The Merciless. Sam J. Jones has the personality of Smallville's Tom Welling and the acting chops to match as the lead character. The big bonus of this whole hunk of shit is that Queen does the fucking score, man! Yes! Nothing gets me more pumped to kick ass than Queen's soundtrack for this movie (which I also have).

No Retreat, No Surrender
This movie is so bad that when I tell people about it...they think I'm making the shit up. Seriously. It's that fucking bad. The first American outing of Jean Claude Van Damme (right after his stint as the gay kickboxer in Monaco Forever) is full of some of the worst acting every imagined. I could write a thesis on why this movie is totally viewable because of how horrid it is, but I just recommend for someone to find a copy and see for yourself. The one cool thing about the film is that the fight scenes are actually pretty sweet. There's even a confrontation near the end between Van Damme and former world kickboxing champion Peter "Sugarfoot" Cunningham that see Van Damme lay a holy beatdown on him en route to nearly helicopter-kicking his head off that skinny fucking body (after Irish whipping him into the ropes for it!).

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Flash Gordon
The acting in some scenes is the best thing this side of a Ron Jeremy movie, but where the acting fails...the shitty special effects pick up the slack! Definitely quotable (especially Vultan, the leader of the Hawkmen) and always having some cool action scenes. The one saving grace of the film is that there are a small handful of actors who bail the schlockfest out of Roger Corman territory. Brian Blessed as Vultan. Topol as Hans Zarkov. Finally? Max Von Sydow as Ming The Merciless. Sam J. Jones has the personality of Smallville's Tom Welling and the acting chops to match as the lead character. The big bonus of this whole hunk of shit is that Queen does the fucking score, man! Yes! Nothing gets me more pumped to kick ass than Queen's soundtrack for this movie (which I also have).

I'd have to disagree with that one. No way is that a shitty film. Yeah bad acting. But It's an absolute classic. Not a cult classic like a bad film, but a genuine classic. If you say this is a bad film then the same can be said for Star Wars. While I dislike Star Wars I wouldn't call the series shitty. There well made, just full of cheese.

 

[Kasey]

I'd have to disagree with that one. No way is that a shitty film. Yeah bad acting. But It's an absolute classic. Not a cult classic like a bad film, but a genuine classic. If you say this is a bad film then the same can be said for Star Wars. While I dislike Star Wars I wouldn't call the series shitty. There well made, just full of cheese.

It's a rare anomaly for me because some of the performances are top notch and really fit the original pulp flavor of Alex Raymond's strips of the character without being corny. But then you have Melody Anderson giving shitty lines like "Flash! I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!" Not just the delivery, but the writing itself was horrid in parts. The basic plot was genius and at times, for me, but the cheese factor is just so overwhelming by comparison to something like Star Wars. I just wish that Lucas had gotten his hands on Flash first instead of the DeLaurentiis family. He ripped it off so much with Star Wars (as well as Kurosawa and other things) that it would've just been great to see him do the whole damn thing his way. Yes, I'd grant you that Flash Gordon and the Star Wars films (original recipe) are both full of cheese at times. However, Star Wars is full of cheddar, while parts of Flash are stinky ass limburger.

 

[Shocky]

I'm a big fan of just old school cheezy movies. I can sit up for hours watching them. I don't know what it is about them, but if I see one on late night, I'm hooked until I either fall asleep or the end credits roll.

Man alive, this brings back good old days of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. If you haven't watched MST3K, you gotta find it, it's one of my favorite shows ever. i remember a Hercules movie on there, and I was hooked with it, I think it was Hercules vs. the Moonmen. Ahh, memories.

Killer Klowns was shit, but enjoyable as all hell. Honestly, I don't know where to begin with it.

A good old wrestling favorite, They Live. I love that movie so freaking much, but it's cheesy as all hell.

 

[NYSandman]

LMFAO when I saw Killer Klowns! I have the DVD. I'd send you a copy, Jake, but I assume you use PAL out there and the DVD is NTSC. That was some funny, bugged out shit! And, the music was great too.

For the worst movie I STARTED to see, I think it was the Ring. The acting was so terrible I couldn't make it through the first 5 minutes. I swear to God I just returned the DVD without watching the movie.

Jake is insane. Child Killing. Don't remember that from T/A. Toxic Avenger was awesome, and what about Dark Man? There are just too many to mention, and it seems they all fall into the horror genre. I heard there was actually a movie about killer tomatoes rolling down the street, but I've never seen it.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Want to know a bad film I love? Fine. 300.

I'm sorry, but that film was just awful. I mean, it didn't even make fucking sense! There's a reason you don't directly translate a comic book into a movie, frame-for-frame. But it was just awesome. There was fighting, sex. And fighting and sex. And some cheesy political bullshit poorly stolen from Gladiator. And fighting and a 17-year-old floating with her nipple sticking out and a deformed guy licking her ear. What more could you want. Madness? This is a £15 DVD!

 

[X]

They Live is the SHIT Shocky. I'm a huge John Carpenter mark to begin with, so I've seen everything he does, but Roddy Piper is the SHIT in that movie! Plus its got the all time greatest B-Movie actor of the 80s---Keith David! You know Keith David, remember this guy from every single 80s movie ever made? (You might remember him from The Thing or Platoon)

That movie was just awesome.

 

[Batista-Y2JW?]

lol mine is street-fighter with jean-claude van damme his real name is van brugge oh well hollywood i remember it being sooo frikkin cheesy

 

[Slim Pickns]

I love the original Punisher movie starring Dolph Lundgren. Its one of those so bad its great movies. Punisher is a classic "god this is old and cheesy" type film. It co-stars Lou Gossit Jr. plus Dolph kicks ass at anything, the guy should be in every movie ever.

I have the DVD which I only found at a Suncoast before they went out of business.

 

[jamesjd66]

Xfear is spot on with Killer Clowns from Outer Space. Man, I haven't even thought of that movie in like 10 years.

I always loved "The People Under the Stairs"
The main character's name was "Fool" and he breaks into these rich people's house only to find that they kidnapped mad kids and threw them all in the basement thus turning them into zombie looking Waynes World characters. Check it!

 

[RabidChihuahua]

One of my favorite "bad" movies would have to be Army of Darkness. Bruce Campbell is freaking hilarious as the "hero" of it. If any of you get a chance to see it, definitely do so. IMHO, it's a B-movie classic. Check out the entry on wikipedia, as it describes this better than I ever could.

I'm going to have to find that on DVD, sometime. As it is, I never miss it when I catch in on Chiller or USA, unfortunately some of it is edited there.

 

[DayDreamer]

Ready to rumble

Its probably the stupidest you'll ever see but I loved it, just because it has wrestling in it. I'm sure most in this forum did too, for the same reason.

 

[Highway Boots]

Suburban Commando (Hulk Hogan movie)

That is still a total riot to me even in 2007. Christopher Lloyd really carries the movie but Hogan was at his comedic best in this one.

 

[cotters2]

Dude where's my car, its so bad its good. lol. seriuosly though, awhole movie based on 1 stupid concept, yet i laugh out loud everytime i watch it.

 

[klunderbunker]

Suburban Commando (Hulk Hogan movie)

That is still a total riot to me even in 2007. Christopher Lloyd really carries the movie but Hogan was at his comedic best in this one.

Hogan deserves his own wing in the bad movie hall of fame. All of them are still classics though. Suburbanm Commando, Mr. Nanny, Assault On Devil's Island, all awful movies with Hogan at his stupid best.

But then there's the classic: No Holds Barred. If you watch it, it is the epitome of the awful movie. Dumb villian, awful plot, and the bad romantic side. As horrible as it is, I can't see it enough times. The movie tries to make wrestling real and bombs so badly, and I don't think there's ever been a movie that I enjoy more.

 

[Papa Shango]

Pretty much anything by Ed Wood. So, so, bad, but so, so much fun to watch. I think what makes it that way is that Ed Wood was trying really hard to make a movie, had the worst luck in the world, and would keep on plugging. I think the best way to appreciate his films, is to first watch Tim Burton's "Ed Wood". Great biopic.

Showgirls: meant to be this dark film, it is without a doubt the most ironic, unintentionally hilarious movie I have ever seen.

And The Benchwarmers. Watching it, I knew it was stupid. Really, really stupid. But it's a very funny movie, and I can actually enjoy Rob Schneider in it, something I thought I'd never be able to do.

 

[Frank the Frowner]

1.) Little Man. I don't like the Wayans Brothers at all. I hate the Scary Movie franchise, and I hated the movie White Chicks. That being said, this movie is rerun on Starz all the time, and it's hysterical. It has a pretty good cast (Chazz Palmentieri, John Witherspoon, Tracy Morgan, the Phone Booth guy from Dumb and Dumber, and a Rob Schneider cameo), and some of the scenes where he's trying to pass himself off as a baby are funny.

2.) Friday the 13th Part VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan.

This is without a doubt one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Jason teleports, about 3/4ths of the movies takes place on a ship, not in New York, the dialog is just awful, and the principal berates the students and his daughter on a constant basis. Jason's also involved in a few unintentionally hilarious, and hilarious scenes.

This article does a fantastic job breaking down the movie.
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/jason-nyc/

 

[joejoe]

How has no one said the best bad movie EVER!

Teen Wolf-This classic Michael J Fox comedy is one laugh after another. Then you realize "Why the hell has he become popular since he became a wolf?" And better yet "How the hell does becoming a wolf make you better at basketball?" And I love how it takes everyone about 20 seconds to realize that it's not that big of a deal that he has turned into a wolf.
This movie is also SO 80s with the clothes and hair styles. Plus he gets the "Hotter" girl because he is wolf and ends up having sex with her??

Plus at the end an extra in the bleahcers whips it out. Yup..It!


Also has anyone seen "Rock N Roll Nightmare" starring "Thor"? Now that is an all time classic bad movie. Who ever has seen it please post your favorite quotes. Mine is "Lets tune our weapons" Meaning their guitars. Also toward the end of the movie there is about 10 min of just people having sex. I guess they didn't have enough 80s boobs so they had to fit them all in at once.

 

[NYSandman]

I'm quite the conniseur of terrible, terrible, terrible films.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space ring a bell to anyone? Utter and total shit, yet the best movie possibly ever.

I'm a huge Troma fan too....if you've ever seen a Troma film, then you are probably aware that these films were made on a 3 dollar budget and feature some of the absolute worst dialogue, writing, and everything ever.

But they brought us such classics that have high spots on my DVD shelf as the Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke Em High, Redneck Zombies, and Rabid Grannies! How can you not fuckin' love that?

Jake, one day we will get belligerently drunk and watch these terrible, terrible, terrible films.

Oh and Kevin Smith rocks. Except for Jersey Girl. That was so bad that not even I could enjoy it.

ROTFLMFAO! Killer Klowns is GREAT! I've got the DVD. A bunch of clowns land from outer space, and kill people with pies and shit! Unreal.

I liked Mission to Mars. Movie about a, well, mission to mars, which goes horribly wrong when an alien alarm is tripped. One person survives, so, of course, they send another mission to try and rescue him. So bad it's great.

The Core. Movie about the center of the earth. It stops spinning, so a group of scientists build a machine that can tunnel to the center of the earth and restart the core spinning with several nuclear bombs. Concepts was so stupid that the movie deserved an emmy.

Red Planet Another space movie about mars where earth is all screwed up, so they try to get oxygen on Mars, which of course leads to malfunction and death.

Dogma. Jay and Silent Bob movie about a woman who is contacted by an angel to try and find a missing God, all the while being hounded to two fallen angels trying to illegally re-enter heaven. Movie should be archived forever as one of the greatest masterpieces of all time, simply for the living "shit demon," which was a monster made completely out of shit. LMFAO!

 

[Father:_Polley]

i remember mission to mars. that was an awful film. still watched it though so it meets the criteria.

my choice has to be the ladykillers. awful film, no story and has a wayans in it. but some of it is amusing and it pains me to say, but i have it on dvd

 

[Bentallica]

Albert, I have to agree. I loved Benchwarmers, even though many didn't. I've had to have seen that movie over 20 times. Same with Napoleon Dynamite, sometimes it's so bad it's funny.

In all honesty, I love The Marine. Not for the story, and definately not for Cena, but for all the 'splosions in it. Seriously-there just about isnt any set piece that doesn't get blown up.