AS31: Bowen's Challenge - Action Saxton vs. Mr. Baller vs. Alex Bowen (Non Title)
- Thread starter Ty Burna
- Start date
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Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
Alex is setting in a large plush red leather seat with his arms crossed. He has a smirk on his face as he looks deeply into the eyes of the man setting across from him. Both men are dressed casual, Alex has a black t-shirt on with a pair of ripped up blue jeans on. The man across from him has a blue shirt with some unreadable print on it with black slacks. A small button on his shirt says Dr. James Coons. The man looks nervous as he looks over at the menacing eyed Bowen. He taps his pen in between his fingers on his leg as he looks over Alex. He sees a bruised and scared man, but Alex just continues to stare at him waiting for him to talk. He finally breaks the silence by coughing and leaning forward.
Coons- Mr. Bowen why do you look so tense? You are the one who came to me to talk.
Alex- I'm not sure, I just feel the need for someone to talk to. Everyone needs that once and a while, even if you are.... you?
Coons- What do you mean by that Alex?
Alex looks down at the mans feet with a distasteful look on his face and runs his eyes over his whole body. He shifts his body weight in the chair and then focuses back on the man.
Alex- You, just you. I come here and you instantly judge me. I can see it in your eyes, you fear me.
Coons- What are you talking about?!
Alex- You fear me just like the rest of them. The whole world thinks of me as some psychopath. Sure I've done things to people that should of landed me in jail. But it's just a job, I put my body on the line just like the rest of them. All the people I've faced say I've changed this division for the worst. They say put the violence back in it when they worked to take it out.
Coons- Why are you rambling on like this? How do I fear you.
Alex- Like I said I can see the fear in you, I can see how nervous you are around me. I mean look at me, my whole body is a mask of scars.
Alex points to his right arm with a small smile on his face as if he enjoys showing off his battle scars.
Alex- I've rushed into the killing zone before. Have you ever done that? I'm prepared to die, I fear no man.
Coons looks at Alex with wide eyes and a small look of fear on his face. He shakes his head.
Coons- Why are you saying this, what are you?
Alex- I'm a merchant of pain. No one in this company has what it takes to run in the ring with me. I am a man With no conscience, and Darkness is all you will see when you face me. Anyone and I mean anyone who steps into the ring is at risk. James they say being crazy is a bad thing. I love it, and so do the fans. It's actually quite fun, I've never been more happy actually.
Coons- So you still do care about the fans in WZCW Alex? Is that why you do what you do?
Alex Loosens up a bit and lets out a small laugh.
Alex- I'm a Freelance veteran now, I ask for no forgiveness from the fans. I know when I mess up, no tears and no regrets. But yes in all truths I do it for two things.
Alex leans back forward and holds out two fingers sloppy holding the first one down.
Alex- The pay checks man
Alex holds down his second finger and smiles at the Doctor.
Alex- The fans man, I love that rush. It's like being a junkie, but I get to beat the piss out of people in real life. Do you think I would make it in a 9-5 man? I'm not even 40 yet, but people are already saying I need to retire? It's crazy, I've been told by just about everyone that I can't wrestle. I'm just some violent idiot who runs around with weapons twenty four-seven.
Alex puts up his hands in an I don't know pose, he shakes his head and scoffs at the last thought he said.
Coons- So you keep up this lifestyle for the fans? Have you ever just been gone over to pure wrestling? I know it's stupid to ask that because you obviously are in a wrestling company and you do wrestle. But have you ever just thought of laying it all down and becoming a straight wrestler?
Alex- Yeah actually I started out back in Wzcw as just a wrestler, and I've been in numerous promotions ware I had to wrestle other than hardcore on a weekly basis. They wouldn't let me in the hardcore division or they just didn't have one. But I never really got into that, the fans man. When you hit someone with anything, they just go nuts. You will always have the smarks who down you for just doing this. But who are they to judge me? When I go out and get a crowd warmed up they always remember me. I can be covered in blood, and just look like a monster. I still have people come up to me in the back and ask me to sign autographs, they still want to love me. That's why I do what I do. Because I can do it better than anyone else in this company, and the fans go nuts over it.
Alex looks at coons with approving eyes, he get up putting one arm on the side of the chair to support his weight. He lightly walks over to the windows in the corner of the room. He opens one up and smells the fresh springtime air, he reaches in his pocket for something and comes back out with his trademark Newport smokes. He flips open the pack and Coons looks over and begins to protest.
Coons- Mr. Bowen you can't smoke in here! Come over here and lets talk about this match you have this week?
Bowen looks back and Coons and Smiles, he quickly jerks the small box up and one cigarette flips up. He leans his head forward and with a smile he comes back up with a smoke. While putting the pack back in his pocket he reaches in his other pocket for a lighter and comes back up with it to light his smoke. Coons sighs and lets him do his business. He shakes his head an looks over to the mayhem champion.
Coons- What about this Bowen's challenge?
Alex takes a drag off of his smokes and blows it back out through the window.
Alex- Well it kind of started after Kingdom come, Cooper beat basically everyone to get a shot at me. Chris Jones had left for good, and no one was here. Chuck Myles came up to me and wanted to put a big twist on the division. He threw some 24/7 rules bull crap at me and I suggested this. I'm all up for a challenge, but what's the point in trying to bring prestige back to this title if people can pin me when I'm sleeping. I suggested that Mayhem wrestlers either had to wrestle other singles competition, or me in a non title match. Cooper failed last show, so I said the hell with it and suggested to bring in whoever needed the match.
Coons- Why was that?
Alex- I don't claim to be good friends with anyone in WZCW, but Action Saxton is a pretty good dude. Hell even last week we sat backstage enjoying a few beers before his match. He's a great dude that Cooper just happened to get lucky over to get to kingdom come. Baller has always been one hell of a wrestler to James. He just keeps loosing by the hair on his neck. He needs this as much as Action does.
Coons- Well I'm glad you are giving anyone a chance at this title. It brings bigger and better things on your quest to be the best Mayhem champion ever.
Alex looks at Coons with a smirk on his face. He nods his head in agreement with his Newport in his mouth.
Alex- I've proved that I'm better than most in this division, by giving anyone and everyone a chance at it, that shows that I am a fighting champion. After this show, I will be tied with Steamboat Ricky and James Baker for length in weeks. I plan on keeping this title longer than anyone ever has in WZCW. I'm giving the top competitors in this division a chance that others arent getting. The whole locker room is in an uproar. What other division has this rule? If you win your match in Bowens challenge you get an automatic title shot. That makes me a great champion, I'm not just giving the "best" a match, I'm all for equal opportunity. I'm giving everyone who works for it a match.
Coons- Back to Saxton and Baller this week Alex, how are you going to fight someone you respect so much. You've said you and Saxton are associates. You aren't going to go full bore all out on him are you. Have some sympathy for your friend.
Alex looks back at the psychiatrist, He puts his all most burnt out cigarette up to his mouth and takes one last drag. He flips it quickly out the window and blows the white cloud out of his nose. He looks at Coons and shakes his head, as if Coons is not getting what he is saying. He closes the window and walks back over to his seat, setting down. He crosses his leg to re-situate himself, and puts his hand up to his stubbed chin and begins to talk.
Alex- Why would I not go full bore Mr. Doctor? Whats the point in being a fighting champion if I'm just going to lay down for my friends. I like Saxton and all, but he must realize that this is just business. He can go back home and still draw his pay checks after this show. Just like I'll set at home the Mayhem champion this week.
Coons looks at Bowen with a disgusted look on his face, and stands up and points at him.
Coons- You say you respect the man and your going to try and mutilate him?! Alex you are one sick man, this is your friend we are talking about, and you still have another man in the match! What about Baller?
Alex- What about him? When was the last time this guy won? For sure he has a chance at winning just like myself and Saxton. I do thing he is a great talent to have, but in reality he will fall just like Cooper and Chris Jones. James in 5 shows I have took two men out of the entire division. If Baller were to lose to me ware would that put him? At the bottom, he's already lost to Sam Smith. He can't get any lower, and to be honest I'm not sure why that has happened to him. But he needs to step it up against me, and rapping isn't going to help him. Ask Justin Cooper, he tried that shit. Look at him fighting Contract battle royal fodder. I'm going to run this match like any other. This is Mayhem rules, and neither man have what it takes to run with me. That's why this is Bowen's challenge, they have to beat the challenge. Not come close, or get second place. This week they have to beat me, and I'm going to look forward to that.
Coons with his mouth open in disbelief, he throws his hands up in the air and walks over to the door. He looks back and points to the Mayhem champ with one finger and says this to coincide with his last statement.
Coons- Your not a professional wrestler Alex Bowen, your a god damned butcher.
Coons walks opens up the door to his door and walks out, slamming it shut behind him. Bowen get up from the chair and looks to the camera man and smiles as he says this.
Alex- And that's what the Mayem scene needed.
The cameras fade out as Bowen walks to the door and opens it up.
Coons- Mr. Bowen why do you look so tense? You are the one who came to me to talk.
Alex- I'm not sure, I just feel the need for someone to talk to. Everyone needs that once and a while, even if you are.... you?
Coons- What do you mean by that Alex?
Alex looks down at the mans feet with a distasteful look on his face and runs his eyes over his whole body. He shifts his body weight in the chair and then focuses back on the man.
Alex- You, just you. I come here and you instantly judge me. I can see it in your eyes, you fear me.
Coons- What are you talking about?!
Alex- You fear me just like the rest of them. The whole world thinks of me as some psychopath. Sure I've done things to people that should of landed me in jail. But it's just a job, I put my body on the line just like the rest of them. All the people I've faced say I've changed this division for the worst. They say put the violence back in it when they worked to take it out.
Coons- Why are you rambling on like this? How do I fear you.
Alex- Like I said I can see the fear in you, I can see how nervous you are around me. I mean look at me, my whole body is a mask of scars.
Alex points to his right arm with a small smile on his face as if he enjoys showing off his battle scars.
Alex- I've rushed into the killing zone before. Have you ever done that? I'm prepared to die, I fear no man.
Coons looks at Alex with wide eyes and a small look of fear on his face. He shakes his head.
Coons- Why are you saying this, what are you?
Alex- I'm a merchant of pain. No one in this company has what it takes to run in the ring with me. I am a man With no conscience, and Darkness is all you will see when you face me. Anyone and I mean anyone who steps into the ring is at risk. James they say being crazy is a bad thing. I love it, and so do the fans. It's actually quite fun, I've never been more happy actually.
Coons- So you still do care about the fans in WZCW Alex? Is that why you do what you do?
Alex Loosens up a bit and lets out a small laugh.
Alex- I'm a Freelance veteran now, I ask for no forgiveness from the fans. I know when I mess up, no tears and no regrets. But yes in all truths I do it for two things.
Alex leans back forward and holds out two fingers sloppy holding the first one down.
Alex- The pay checks man
Alex holds down his second finger and smiles at the Doctor.
Alex- The fans man, I love that rush. It's like being a junkie, but I get to beat the piss out of people in real life. Do you think I would make it in a 9-5 man? I'm not even 40 yet, but people are already saying I need to retire? It's crazy, I've been told by just about everyone that I can't wrestle. I'm just some violent idiot who runs around with weapons twenty four-seven.
Alex puts up his hands in an I don't know pose, he shakes his head and scoffs at the last thought he said.
Coons- So you keep up this lifestyle for the fans? Have you ever just been gone over to pure wrestling? I know it's stupid to ask that because you obviously are in a wrestling company and you do wrestle. But have you ever just thought of laying it all down and becoming a straight wrestler?
Alex- Yeah actually I started out back in Wzcw as just a wrestler, and I've been in numerous promotions ware I had to wrestle other than hardcore on a weekly basis. They wouldn't let me in the hardcore division or they just didn't have one. But I never really got into that, the fans man. When you hit someone with anything, they just go nuts. You will always have the smarks who down you for just doing this. But who are they to judge me? When I go out and get a crowd warmed up they always remember me. I can be covered in blood, and just look like a monster. I still have people come up to me in the back and ask me to sign autographs, they still want to love me. That's why I do what I do. Because I can do it better than anyone else in this company, and the fans go nuts over it.
Alex looks at coons with approving eyes, he get up putting one arm on the side of the chair to support his weight. He lightly walks over to the windows in the corner of the room. He opens one up and smells the fresh springtime air, he reaches in his pocket for something and comes back out with his trademark Newport smokes. He flips open the pack and Coons looks over and begins to protest.
Coons- Mr. Bowen you can't smoke in here! Come over here and lets talk about this match you have this week?
Bowen looks back and Coons and Smiles, he quickly jerks the small box up and one cigarette flips up. He leans his head forward and with a smile he comes back up with a smoke. While putting the pack back in his pocket he reaches in his other pocket for a lighter and comes back up with it to light his smoke. Coons sighs and lets him do his business. He shakes his head an looks over to the mayhem champion.
Coons- What about this Bowen's challenge?
Alex takes a drag off of his smokes and blows it back out through the window.
Alex- Well it kind of started after Kingdom come, Cooper beat basically everyone to get a shot at me. Chris Jones had left for good, and no one was here. Chuck Myles came up to me and wanted to put a big twist on the division. He threw some 24/7 rules bull crap at me and I suggested this. I'm all up for a challenge, but what's the point in trying to bring prestige back to this title if people can pin me when I'm sleeping. I suggested that Mayhem wrestlers either had to wrestle other singles competition, or me in a non title match. Cooper failed last show, so I said the hell with it and suggested to bring in whoever needed the match.
Coons- Why was that?
Alex- I don't claim to be good friends with anyone in WZCW, but Action Saxton is a pretty good dude. Hell even last week we sat backstage enjoying a few beers before his match. He's a great dude that Cooper just happened to get lucky over to get to kingdom come. Baller has always been one hell of a wrestler to James. He just keeps loosing by the hair on his neck. He needs this as much as Action does.
Coons- Well I'm glad you are giving anyone a chance at this title. It brings bigger and better things on your quest to be the best Mayhem champion ever.
Alex looks at Coons with a smirk on his face. He nods his head in agreement with his Newport in his mouth.
Alex- I've proved that I'm better than most in this division, by giving anyone and everyone a chance at it, that shows that I am a fighting champion. After this show, I will be tied with Steamboat Ricky and James Baker for length in weeks. I plan on keeping this title longer than anyone ever has in WZCW. I'm giving the top competitors in this division a chance that others arent getting. The whole locker room is in an uproar. What other division has this rule? If you win your match in Bowens challenge you get an automatic title shot. That makes me a great champion, I'm not just giving the "best" a match, I'm all for equal opportunity. I'm giving everyone who works for it a match.
Coons- Back to Saxton and Baller this week Alex, how are you going to fight someone you respect so much. You've said you and Saxton are associates. You aren't going to go full bore all out on him are you. Have some sympathy for your friend.
Alex looks back at the psychiatrist, He puts his all most burnt out cigarette up to his mouth and takes one last drag. He flips it quickly out the window and blows the white cloud out of his nose. He looks at Coons and shakes his head, as if Coons is not getting what he is saying. He closes the window and walks back over to his seat, setting down. He crosses his leg to re-situate himself, and puts his hand up to his stubbed chin and begins to talk.
Alex- Why would I not go full bore Mr. Doctor? Whats the point in being a fighting champion if I'm just going to lay down for my friends. I like Saxton and all, but he must realize that this is just business. He can go back home and still draw his pay checks after this show. Just like I'll set at home the Mayhem champion this week.
Coons looks at Bowen with a disgusted look on his face, and stands up and points at him.
Coons- You say you respect the man and your going to try and mutilate him?! Alex you are one sick man, this is your friend we are talking about, and you still have another man in the match! What about Baller?
Alex- What about him? When was the last time this guy won? For sure he has a chance at winning just like myself and Saxton. I do thing he is a great talent to have, but in reality he will fall just like Cooper and Chris Jones. James in 5 shows I have took two men out of the entire division. If Baller were to lose to me ware would that put him? At the bottom, he's already lost to Sam Smith. He can't get any lower, and to be honest I'm not sure why that has happened to him. But he needs to step it up against me, and rapping isn't going to help him. Ask Justin Cooper, he tried that shit. Look at him fighting Contract battle royal fodder. I'm going to run this match like any other. This is Mayhem rules, and neither man have what it takes to run with me. That's why this is Bowen's challenge, they have to beat the challenge. Not come close, or get second place. This week they have to beat me, and I'm going to look forward to that.
Coons with his mouth open in disbelief, he throws his hands up in the air and walks over to the door. He looks back and points to the Mayhem champ with one finger and says this to coincide with his last statement.
Coons- Your not a professional wrestler Alex Bowen, your a god damned butcher.
Coons walks opens up the door to his door and walks out, slamming it shut behind him. Bowen get up from the chair and looks to the camera man and smiles as he says this.
Alex- And that's what the Mayem scene needed.
The cameras fade out as Bowen walks to the door and opens it up.
Signal Panic. Inc. Presents
Action Saxton
in
Its My Party, And Ill Die If I Want To!!
The scene opens to a brown television with a large screen. Low soul music can be heard in the background, with the powered-down TVs screen reflecting what looks to be a penthouse apartment of some sort. A vague figure is shown in the screens reflection, messing with a VCR, inserting a videocassette with a loud click. The television switches on, and the video begins to play
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May 2nd, 2011
The video opens with a montage of some of Action Saxtons best moments. It was originally supposed to be a video of ALL of his best moments, but that would have taken the whole two hours, so this will have to do. And what moments they are! Moments such as the time Action Saxton suplexed a bear so hard he flew into the moon! Moments such as the time Action Saxton suplexed the moon so hard it flew into a bear! Or how about the time Action Saxton saved the residents of Jupiter from a meteor heading towards their home? If not for Action Saxtons timely karate chop, the Jupiterians would have been blown to bits! Thank you, Action Saxton!
As the montage builds to a climax, narration starts to play over it.
Tonight! Its the most satisfying, mystifying, xylophoning, action-packed extravaganza in wrestling history! Nay in the history of the world! This event is like having fifty orgasms in space, as big as America becoming independent, as earth-shattering and mind-blowing as the discovery of electricity itself!
What is the event, you ask? Why, its the birthday of the tower of power, the man of the hour, the big boss, Action Saxton! Everyone will be there! A-List Celebrities! WZCW Superstars! Musical guests! Close family friends! A man who sits in the corner and plays the accordion! This is the kind of party that only Action Saxton can throw, one befitting of a man as great as himself.
And speaking of celebrity guests, heres the first one now!
Backstage, WZCW superstars and celebrities galore are milling around, talking to each other and generally enjoying themselves. Well, of course they are, because there is no party like an Action Saxton party. In the center of the gaggle, Action Saxton is standing and talking to several attractive young women at once.
And so I lifted the sucka up, yelled at him to cut it out, and his head exploded! he says, chuckling at the hilarity of the situation. The attractive young women are clearly impressed as they glance sideways, look through their purses, and mutter to each other. Now, have I ever told you about the time I teamed up with my soul brother Kung Fu Jones to take on The Man? Now theres a story
He is cut short, however, by a tap on his shoulder. Immediately, Action Saxton leaps into action, striking the asskicking pose to end all asskicking poses, because he kicks ass, if you didnt catch that. However, on seeing who the mysterious shoulder-tapper is, his face breaks into a charming smile that would have caused all the women surrounding him to faint with ecstasy if they were watching and not distracted by their purses.
Kung Fu Jones! exclaims Action Saxton. Sucka, I was just talking about you.
I heard, replies Kung Fu Jones. That was one damn good time. I still remember the face of the head of Orgasmuscorp as we turned his Chainsaw flamethrower on him and ended his evil regime once and for all.
Action Saxton tears up at the memories Kung Fu Jones has invoked. Not enough to be considered a sissy, but just enough to let the ladies know just how sensitive Action Saxton can be. Those were the days, brother. Those were the days
He clears his throat. Kung Fu Jones claps his hand on his friends back.
Happy birthday, Action, he smiles. I got you a present youll dig. Come with me and Ill get it.
The two friends walk off together.
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OK, kids, gather around! calls Action Saxton, sitting in a comfortable-looking armchair, a book in one hand and his new fifty-tool Swiss Army Knife in the other. Im gonna read you musuckas a story.
The poor, downtrodden children of the city that Action Saxton has out of the goodness of his own heart invited to his party to take them off the streets take a seat on the carpet in front of Action Saxtons soft luxury armchair. They shift around slightly as Action Saxton opens his book and places it on his lap.
OK, midgets, listen up! Action Saxton opens the book. This book is called Action Saxton Saves Christmas From Some Bad Suckas Who Were Selling Drugs In The Community By Using His Special Brand of Japanese Martial Arts And Good Down-Home Soul. The first picture is of me, looking like one bad sonofabitch
Excuse me! one of the children pipes up.
Action Saxton, being the tender soul he is, turns towards the child. What?
My momma says that my daddys name was Action Saxton.
Another child turns towards the first.
My momma said my daddys name is Action Saxton, too!
Action Saxton clears his manly throat as the group of children start talking amongst themselves.
That aint so strange, hush up girls, he says. A lotta folks named Action Saxton around here.
He turns the page of the book as the kids continue to talk to each other.
Shut the hell up, kids! barks Action Saxton. Let me read you the damn story! He smiles as the kids calm down. Now, once upon a time in the far away land of Wherever I Damn Well Please, there was a man. He wasnt an ordinary man, he was a man so manly that birds up and sang Eye Of The Tiger whenever he passed. That man was Action Saxton
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CAKE, SUCKAS!
Action Saxton flexes his burly arms, nearly causing a mass riot of women, as he heaves his birthday cake into the air, withdraws his fifty-tool swiss army knife from his belt, and slices the cake into pieces. The pieces fly through the air, landing on the plates the expectant guests are holding out. Grabbing his own plate, he turns around, contentedly, only to run face-to-face into Alex Bowen.
A hush falls over the crowd. Time stands still. Paint dries. Grass grows. Congress passes a health care bill. Finally, Alex Bowen speaks up.
Hi.
The crowd waits with bated breath for Action Saxtons response.
Hi.
Alex Bowen holds up his Mayhem Championship belt.
Happy birthday, man. If you want your present, youll have to get it yourself.
Action Saxton looks at the belt, and nods.
You got it, sucka.
The tension stretches into the next few moments, until Action Saxton reaches behind him, grabs two beers from a cooler, and tosses one to Bowen. Bowen opens it, and they clink bottles and drink, friends once more.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome tonights entertainment Popular Latin Singer, Ricky Martin!
Aw, HELL no! exclaims Action Saxton, full of the anger he has every right to be feeling. Who the hell invited him to my birthday party?
Ricky Martin takes his place on the stage, and grabs the microphone.
Hola, Action Saxtons birthday party! says Popular Latin Singer Ricky Martin with an ingratiating smile.Today I am going to sing a very popular song! You may have heard it. It is all for mi amigo, Action Saxton!
He clears his throat as the music starts and he counts himself in.
Oh! Ricky Martin cries, gyrating furiously. I just died in your arms tonight! It must have been something you said! I should have OOF!
Ricky Martins rendition of a popular song from the 1980s was cut short by Action Saxtons rendition of a popular fighting move called the Punch To The Face. Action Saxton grabs the microphone in one hand and Ricky Martin in the other as the crowd chatters angrily.
Listen up, suckas! calls Action Saxton. This man is not who he appears to be!
Taking his hand, he reaches down and rips off the mask the faux-Ricky Martin was wearing to reveal the masked face of
Mexican Ninja El Habanero?! gasps the crowd.
Youre damn right.
Mexican Ninja El Habanero looks up, groggily. The crowd is incensed on Action Saxtons behalf as he picks up El Habanero, and winds up for another knockout blow.
Now listen to me, you freaky-ass sucka! barks Action Saxton. Try and kill me on any other day of the week, but not on my birthday! That is an off-day, do you understand?
El Habanero mumbles something incoherent under his mask.
I said, do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Yes! yells El Habanero, struggling to get away.
Good.
Action Saxton punches El Habanero in the chest, sending him flying through five walls and a giant inflatable cactus. The crowd stares silently at Action Saxton, who claps his hands together.
Come on, suckas, dont look so down! Action exclaims. Its my birthday! Lets get some real music going on in here.
From backstage comes the real musical guest, Earth Wind & Fire cover-act, Erf Wind & Fyre. They launch into a medley of their most popular tunes as everyone shucks and jives to the beat. Action Saxton makes his way to the back, and stands next to his brother from another mother, Kung Fu Jones.
Damn, Action, you still know how to throw one hell of a party. Jones says.
You got that right, sucka. You got that right.
"But tell me - how did you know that man was not Ricky Martin?"
Action Saxton sips his drink, content.
"Ricky Martin doesn't wear that brand of sandals."
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So watch out, you thieving lowlifes and criminal scum! Because when Action Saxtons on the town, everybody is getting down!
Action Saxton
in
Its My Party, And Ill Die If I Want To!!
The scene opens to a brown television with a large screen. Low soul music can be heard in the background, with the powered-down TVs screen reflecting what looks to be a penthouse apartment of some sort. A vague figure is shown in the screens reflection, messing with a VCR, inserting a videocassette with a loud click. The television switches on, and the video begins to play
-------------------------------
May 2nd, 2011
The video opens with a montage of some of Action Saxtons best moments. It was originally supposed to be a video of ALL of his best moments, but that would have taken the whole two hours, so this will have to do. And what moments they are! Moments such as the time Action Saxton suplexed a bear so hard he flew into the moon! Moments such as the time Action Saxton suplexed the moon so hard it flew into a bear! Or how about the time Action Saxton saved the residents of Jupiter from a meteor heading towards their home? If not for Action Saxtons timely karate chop, the Jupiterians would have been blown to bits! Thank you, Action Saxton!
As the montage builds to a climax, narration starts to play over it.
Tonight! Its the most satisfying, mystifying, xylophoning, action-packed extravaganza in wrestling history! Nay in the history of the world! This event is like having fifty orgasms in space, as big as America becoming independent, as earth-shattering and mind-blowing as the discovery of electricity itself!
What is the event, you ask? Why, its the birthday of the tower of power, the man of the hour, the big boss, Action Saxton! Everyone will be there! A-List Celebrities! WZCW Superstars! Musical guests! Close family friends! A man who sits in the corner and plays the accordion! This is the kind of party that only Action Saxton can throw, one befitting of a man as great as himself.
And speaking of celebrity guests, heres the first one now!
Backstage, WZCW superstars and celebrities galore are milling around, talking to each other and generally enjoying themselves. Well, of course they are, because there is no party like an Action Saxton party. In the center of the gaggle, Action Saxton is standing and talking to several attractive young women at once.
And so I lifted the sucka up, yelled at him to cut it out, and his head exploded! he says, chuckling at the hilarity of the situation. The attractive young women are clearly impressed as they glance sideways, look through their purses, and mutter to each other. Now, have I ever told you about the time I teamed up with my soul brother Kung Fu Jones to take on The Man? Now theres a story
He is cut short, however, by a tap on his shoulder. Immediately, Action Saxton leaps into action, striking the asskicking pose to end all asskicking poses, because he kicks ass, if you didnt catch that. However, on seeing who the mysterious shoulder-tapper is, his face breaks into a charming smile that would have caused all the women surrounding him to faint with ecstasy if they were watching and not distracted by their purses.
Kung Fu Jones! exclaims Action Saxton. Sucka, I was just talking about you.
I heard, replies Kung Fu Jones. That was one damn good time. I still remember the face of the head of Orgasmuscorp as we turned his Chainsaw flamethrower on him and ended his evil regime once and for all.
Action Saxton tears up at the memories Kung Fu Jones has invoked. Not enough to be considered a sissy, but just enough to let the ladies know just how sensitive Action Saxton can be. Those were the days, brother. Those were the days
He clears his throat. Kung Fu Jones claps his hand on his friends back.
Happy birthday, Action, he smiles. I got you a present youll dig. Come with me and Ill get it.
The two friends walk off together.
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OK, kids, gather around! calls Action Saxton, sitting in a comfortable-looking armchair, a book in one hand and his new fifty-tool Swiss Army Knife in the other. Im gonna read you musuckas a story.
The poor, downtrodden children of the city that Action Saxton has out of the goodness of his own heart invited to his party to take them off the streets take a seat on the carpet in front of Action Saxtons soft luxury armchair. They shift around slightly as Action Saxton opens his book and places it on his lap.
OK, midgets, listen up! Action Saxton opens the book. This book is called Action Saxton Saves Christmas From Some Bad Suckas Who Were Selling Drugs In The Community By Using His Special Brand of Japanese Martial Arts And Good Down-Home Soul. The first picture is of me, looking like one bad sonofabitch
Excuse me! one of the children pipes up.
Action Saxton, being the tender soul he is, turns towards the child. What?
My momma says that my daddys name was Action Saxton.
Another child turns towards the first.
My momma said my daddys name is Action Saxton, too!
Action Saxton clears his manly throat as the group of children start talking amongst themselves.
That aint so strange, hush up girls, he says. A lotta folks named Action Saxton around here.
He turns the page of the book as the kids continue to talk to each other.
Shut the hell up, kids! barks Action Saxton. Let me read you the damn story! He smiles as the kids calm down. Now, once upon a time in the far away land of Wherever I Damn Well Please, there was a man. He wasnt an ordinary man, he was a man so manly that birds up and sang Eye Of The Tiger whenever he passed. That man was Action Saxton
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CAKE, SUCKAS!
Action Saxton flexes his burly arms, nearly causing a mass riot of women, as he heaves his birthday cake into the air, withdraws his fifty-tool swiss army knife from his belt, and slices the cake into pieces. The pieces fly through the air, landing on the plates the expectant guests are holding out. Grabbing his own plate, he turns around, contentedly, only to run face-to-face into Alex Bowen.
A hush falls over the crowd. Time stands still. Paint dries. Grass grows. Congress passes a health care bill. Finally, Alex Bowen speaks up.
Hi.
The crowd waits with bated breath for Action Saxtons response.
Hi.
Alex Bowen holds up his Mayhem Championship belt.
Happy birthday, man. If you want your present, youll have to get it yourself.
Action Saxton looks at the belt, and nods.
You got it, sucka.
The tension stretches into the next few moments, until Action Saxton reaches behind him, grabs two beers from a cooler, and tosses one to Bowen. Bowen opens it, and they clink bottles and drink, friends once more.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome tonights entertainment Popular Latin Singer, Ricky Martin!
Aw, HELL no! exclaims Action Saxton, full of the anger he has every right to be feeling. Who the hell invited him to my birthday party?
Ricky Martin takes his place on the stage, and grabs the microphone.
Hola, Action Saxtons birthday party! says Popular Latin Singer Ricky Martin with an ingratiating smile.Today I am going to sing a very popular song! You may have heard it. It is all for mi amigo, Action Saxton!
He clears his throat as the music starts and he counts himself in.
Oh! Ricky Martin cries, gyrating furiously. I just died in your arms tonight! It must have been something you said! I should have OOF!
Ricky Martins rendition of a popular song from the 1980s was cut short by Action Saxtons rendition of a popular fighting move called the Punch To The Face. Action Saxton grabs the microphone in one hand and Ricky Martin in the other as the crowd chatters angrily.
Listen up, suckas! calls Action Saxton. This man is not who he appears to be!
Taking his hand, he reaches down and rips off the mask the faux-Ricky Martin was wearing to reveal the masked face of
Mexican Ninja El Habanero?! gasps the crowd.
Youre damn right.
Mexican Ninja El Habanero looks up, groggily. The crowd is incensed on Action Saxtons behalf as he picks up El Habanero, and winds up for another knockout blow.
Now listen to me, you freaky-ass sucka! barks Action Saxton. Try and kill me on any other day of the week, but not on my birthday! That is an off-day, do you understand?
El Habanero mumbles something incoherent under his mask.
I said, do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Yes! yells El Habanero, struggling to get away.
Good.
Action Saxton punches El Habanero in the chest, sending him flying through five walls and a giant inflatable cactus. The crowd stares silently at Action Saxton, who claps his hands together.
Come on, suckas, dont look so down! Action exclaims. Its my birthday! Lets get some real music going on in here.
From backstage comes the real musical guest, Earth Wind & Fire cover-act, Erf Wind & Fyre. They launch into a medley of their most popular tunes as everyone shucks and jives to the beat. Action Saxton makes his way to the back, and stands next to his brother from another mother, Kung Fu Jones.
Damn, Action, you still know how to throw one hell of a party. Jones says.
You got that right, sucka. You got that right.
"But tell me - how did you know that man was not Ricky Martin?"
Action Saxton sips his drink, content.
"Ricky Martin doesn't wear that brand of sandals."
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So watch out, you thieving lowlifes and criminal scum! Because when Action Saxtons on the town, everybody is getting down!
The camera fades in to the backstage area at Ascension 30 with Becky Serra and Mr. Baller. Baller has a short interview that will be shown at Ascension 30, however, this is the extended version of the interview.
Becky: Alright Baller, here is the deal. This first part will be aired on Ascension 30, and we only got 45 seconds, so we have to make this quick. However, after that I will continue the interview as WZCW may place it on WZCW.com since you supposedly have a big announcement.
Baller: Your damn right I have a big announcement. This is ground breaking stuff right here, you see I just got put against a barbarian, one of the best WZCW has to offer when he is not in a stable mental condition. It was a complete irrational decision by our general managers, and now in order to get opponents that I want, I will now dictate who I face as Myles and Bateman will have no choice.
Becky: Alright i can’t wait, but remember whatever your announcement is, leave it as a tease so we can give the crowd some suspense.
Baller: Oh don’t worry, they aren’t worth hearing this news in 45 seconds.
Cameraman: Becky, Baller, get ready. We’re on in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
The camera points the finger to Becky and the mini interview is under way.
Becky: I’m here with Mr. Baller. Baller, last night was a difficult loss to Showtime Cougar, what is your reaction.
Baller:I lost Becky. I mean what else do you want me to say? Showtime is insane and needs to be locked up for good. I'm glad I got this interview time though. I'm here to make a statement. The next PPV is titled Redemption, and after my loss to Smith at Kingdom Come and my loss last night to Showtime, I'm going to redeem myself by taking out one of the biggest names in WZCW history. You better believe that.
Baller walks off as Becky looks on as we go to commercial.
Cameraman: And we’re out!
Becky: Nicely done Baller, now lets continue this interview.
Hey WZCW.com readers, Becky Serra here with an exclusive continuation of my interview with Mr. Baller
Becky: Now Baller, you just said on Ascension, that you are going to take out one of the biggest names in WZCW history, any insight on who this will be?
Baller: Not a chance, this is going to shock the world, and I want the world to all see it together. All I have to say is, everybody needs to be on the look out.
Becky: Is it safe to say that Showtime Cougar is not who you had in mind, after what happened at Meltdown this past week?
Baller: Look Becky, I just told you that nobody is safe, not even Showtime, the only reason he beat me is because he is psycho who was unsafe in the ring. I refuse to risk injury to a menace like him, which is why I let him beat me. The faster the match was over with the better for my career. There comes a time when one takes the loss, and moves on. Showtime beat me fair and square, and for the first time I am not afraid to admit that. However, if Myles and Bateman had a brain in their head, they would suspend that criminal on the spot so nobody gets hurt.
Becky: This week on Ascension, you have been placed in the Bowen’s challenge...
Baller: Wait a minute. You are telling me I have to go from that menace to another menace. Showtime to Bowen, is this a joke?
Becky: No it is not a joke, but you are also facing Action Saxton in a triple threat match.
Baller: This is the problem with this company. I have this great announcement coming up soon, and Bateman and Myles are trying to ruin my career. There is no respect for me, Alex Bowen is a monster to himself and society. Look, Bowen is the Mayhem Champion, and I would love to get the belt that I helped establish in this company back in my hands, but not at this time. I have no relevance to the Bowen challenge, I want nothing to do with Mr. Bowen at this time, but of course I am being forced by stupid ass WZCW Management. And also what in the world is Action Saxton doing in this match? That man has to be one of the weirdest man on the planet, and does not belong anywhere near the same ring with me, but of course everybody is out to get me.
This is exactly why I need to make a statement here in WZCW. I just sit in the back waiting for my turn that is never coming. In order to get a shot at the WZCW World Champion, I need to take out somebody huge. Somebody with a star power, somebody with a pull backstage, somebody like...
Ahh silly Becky, you think I am that stupid, huh? You’ll just have to tune in next week and find out. But all I have to say is that everybody will be in for a great awakening, because the REAL Mr. Baller has arrived, and you better believe this.
Camera fade out
Becky: Alright Baller, here is the deal. This first part will be aired on Ascension 30, and we only got 45 seconds, so we have to make this quick. However, after that I will continue the interview as WZCW may place it on WZCW.com since you supposedly have a big announcement.
Baller: Your damn right I have a big announcement. This is ground breaking stuff right here, you see I just got put against a barbarian, one of the best WZCW has to offer when he is not in a stable mental condition. It was a complete irrational decision by our general managers, and now in order to get opponents that I want, I will now dictate who I face as Myles and Bateman will have no choice.
Becky: Alright i can’t wait, but remember whatever your announcement is, leave it as a tease so we can give the crowd some suspense.
Baller: Oh don’t worry, they aren’t worth hearing this news in 45 seconds.
Cameraman: Becky, Baller, get ready. We’re on in 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
The camera points the finger to Becky and the mini interview is under way.
Becky: I’m here with Mr. Baller. Baller, last night was a difficult loss to Showtime Cougar, what is your reaction.
Baller:I lost Becky. I mean what else do you want me to say? Showtime is insane and needs to be locked up for good. I'm glad I got this interview time though. I'm here to make a statement. The next PPV is titled Redemption, and after my loss to Smith at Kingdom Come and my loss last night to Showtime, I'm going to redeem myself by taking out one of the biggest names in WZCW history. You better believe that.
Baller walks off as Becky looks on as we go to commercial.
Cameraman: And we’re out!
Becky: Nicely done Baller, now lets continue this interview.
Hey WZCW.com readers, Becky Serra here with an exclusive continuation of my interview with Mr. Baller
Becky: Now Baller, you just said on Ascension, that you are going to take out one of the biggest names in WZCW history, any insight on who this will be?
Baller: Not a chance, this is going to shock the world, and I want the world to all see it together. All I have to say is, everybody needs to be on the look out.
Becky: Is it safe to say that Showtime Cougar is not who you had in mind, after what happened at Meltdown this past week?
Baller: Look Becky, I just told you that nobody is safe, not even Showtime, the only reason he beat me is because he is psycho who was unsafe in the ring. I refuse to risk injury to a menace like him, which is why I let him beat me. The faster the match was over with the better for my career. There comes a time when one takes the loss, and moves on. Showtime beat me fair and square, and for the first time I am not afraid to admit that. However, if Myles and Bateman had a brain in their head, they would suspend that criminal on the spot so nobody gets hurt.
Becky: This week on Ascension, you have been placed in the Bowen’s challenge...
Baller: Wait a minute. You are telling me I have to go from that menace to another menace. Showtime to Bowen, is this a joke?
Becky: No it is not a joke, but you are also facing Action Saxton in a triple threat match.
Baller: This is the problem with this company. I have this great announcement coming up soon, and Bateman and Myles are trying to ruin my career. There is no respect for me, Alex Bowen is a monster to himself and society. Look, Bowen is the Mayhem Champion, and I would love to get the belt that I helped establish in this company back in my hands, but not at this time. I have no relevance to the Bowen challenge, I want nothing to do with Mr. Bowen at this time, but of course I am being forced by stupid ass WZCW Management. And also what in the world is Action Saxton doing in this match? That man has to be one of the weirdest man on the planet, and does not belong anywhere near the same ring with me, but of course everybody is out to get me.
This is exactly why I need to make a statement here in WZCW. I just sit in the back waiting for my turn that is never coming. In order to get a shot at the WZCW World Champion, I need to take out somebody huge. Somebody with a star power, somebody with a pull backstage, somebody like...
Ahh silly Becky, you think I am that stupid, huh? You’ll just have to tune in next week and find out. But all I have to say is that everybody will be in for a great awakening, because the REAL Mr. Baller has arrived, and you better believe this.
Camera fade out
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